The Balloon that Fell from the Sky

The Balloon that Fell from the Sky

Fifteen teams lifted off from Switzerland in gas ballooning’s most audacious race. Three days later, two of them drifted into Belarusian airspace—but only one would survive.

By Nick Davidson

The Atavist Magazine, No. 161


Nick Davidson is a journalist based in Santa Fe, New Mexico. His writing has appeared in Outside, Men’s Journal, Truly Adventurous, Garden & Gun, and High Country News, among other publications.

Editor: Jonah Ogles
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checker: Jake Conley
Illustrator: Derek Bacon

Published in March 2025


ONE

THE WINDS were fast and the skies clear for the two days and nights that Mike Wallace and Kevin Brielmann had been airborne. The Spirit of Springfield, Wallace’s 1,000-cubic-meter hydrogen-gas balloon, drifted eastward over Poland at around 5,000 feet. It was already the longest flight either pilot had endured. The Americans had launched from Wil, Switzerland, on Saturday, September 9, crossing Lake Constance in the moonlight alongside a muster of 14 other balloons representing seven nations.

Each balloon carried two copilots vying to prevail in the 1995 Coupe Aéronautique Gordon Bennett, ballooning’s oldest and most prestigious aeronautical race. The goal was to travel the farthest distance possible before landing. Only the world’s most daring and decorated aeronauts could claim a spot in the field. The race typically lasted one or two days, and occasionally stretched into a third. No Gordon Bennett balloon had ever flown a fourth night, but favorable weather and a stretch of newly opened airspace now made that feat attainable for the first time. “It was fabulous, and we knew it,” said Martin Stürzlinger, a member of the ground crew for a balloon called the D-Caribbean.

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By noon on Monday, September 11, the race’s third day, only ten of the 15 balloons remained aloft. The rest had flown as far as they could before landing in Austria, Germany, or Poland. From the air, Wallace and Brielmann knew only that their friends Alan Fraenckel and John Stuart-Jervis, who raced under the U.S. Virgin Islands flag, were still flying nearby in the D-Caribbean. The two teams had remained within a couple dozen miles of each other for the race’s duration. Riding the same winds, they’d been in frequent radio contact to check in, share weather data, and trade friendly banter. On the ground, Wallace and Brielmann’s chase crew, tasked with keeping tabs on their whereabouts and relaying weather information, navigated a maze of Polish roads, ready to retrieve them wherever they landed.

Fraenckel radioed Wallace early that evening. “What altitude are you guys flying?” Fraenckel asked. The two men were close friends—they had raced together as copilots—and they used a private radio frequency to communicate. Wallace told him that they were plodding along at four or five thousand feet and struggling with a tenuous inversion, a stable air mass where warm air sits atop cooler air.

“Spend some sand,” Fraenckel said, “and come up to 11,000 feet. Got a really solid inversion here. You can sit on it all night.”

The hydrogen that fills the spherical envelope of a gas balloon is what powers its lift. To climb the wind’s layers, aeronauts toss out spoonfuls of sand from the dozens of cloth bags hung outside the basket, a technique called ballasting. Wind flows in diverse directions at different altitudes, and pilots steer by ascending onto these invisible roads.

The Spirit of Springfield rose to join the D-Caribbean, and over the course of several hours, it surged ahead of Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis. Six of the remaining Gordon Bennett balloons continued on a northeasterly path toward Lithuania, including the Colombus II, containing the young German star Willi Eimers and his copilot, Bernd Landsmann. The wind that the Spirit of Springfield and the D-Caribbean caught in Poland, however, had turned them southeastward. Along with the Aspen following somewhere behind them, piloted by two formidable American aeronauts on a winning streak, they now cruised at a rapid 19 knots toward Belarus.

Each balloon in the race bore a yellow banner on its gondola identifying it as a Gordon Bennett participant. Race organizers had secured permission for the pilots to pass through any country the winds might carry them over, barring Russia. Just seven weeks prior, the country had scrambled fighter jets when a Virgin Atlantic passenger flight crossed Russia on a new route to Hong Kong. The jets threatened the plane with gunfire and forced it to land—even though the airline had cleared it with authorities. The organizers considered the country too unstable for competitors to enter its airspace, making the Russian border the hard eastern wall of the race. Any balloon that approached would be required to land or face disqualification.

Belarus and Ukraine, however, were young nations rendered independent by the Soviet Union’s collapse not quite four years prior. Both had agreed to open their skies to the race for the first time. The Cold War’s embers had darkened, and Wallace, for one, found the idea of more room to fly enticing. He felt good about their prospects as they entered a third night with plenty of ballast to spare. Behind them, Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis were faring just as well.

Brielmann had better eyes than Wallace, and he performed most of the navigation aboard the Spirit of Springfield once the sun set. Night flying was serene if disorienting; Brielmann enjoyed it. He took occasional 20-minute naps, the sky illuminated by a full moon, and the night passed without incident.

At 6:40 a.m. on Tuesday, September 12, as the Spirit of Springfield and the D-Caribbean flew south of Bialystok, a Polish weather probe ascended 60 miles to the west and, for a time, followed the balloons’ course. Both teams crossed into Belarus nearly an hour later.

At 9:34 a.m. local time, a Belarusian border guard in Brest looked up and noticed an object drifting through the skies 40 miles to the northeast, heading toward the town of Pruzhany. The guard wasn’t sure what the balloon was but thought it might pose a threat. He picked up the receiver and dialed the antiaircraft command post.

When it was a few hundred feet away, the Hind veered sideways, affording a menacing view of its machine guns and the cannon mounted in its turret.

JAMES Gordon Bennett Jr., the eccentric playboy and newspaper magnate who ran the New York Herald in its heyday, founded the Gordon Bennett Cup in 1906. Bennett was an avid sportsman who, among other endeavors, won the first transatlantic yacht race on a drunken bet in 1866. He also initiated a long-distance auto race that would morph into the Grand Prix, but by the turn of the century his interests had shifted to the skies. The Coupe Aéronautique’s aim was simple from the outset: The world’s finest gas balloonists would compete to fly the farthest distance from the launch field to claim the trophy. Each race commenced in the previous winner’s home country.

Bennett’s cup was wildly popular. At the inaugural 1906 race in Paris, 16 balloons set off from the Tuileries Gardens over a crowd of one million spectators. It was a risky endeavor. Gas ballooning demands skill and nerve. A balloon filled with hydrogen is lighter than air and travels at the wind’s mercy, borne along it like a leaf on a river. To pilot one for long distances, aeronauts must understand the peculiarities of wind, which can shift speed and direction as altitude changes. Catching a desired current requires expertly managing ballast to stay aloft as the supply of gas—1,000 cubic meters of hydrogen in the Gordon Bennett—slowly leaks from the envelope. Expansion and contraction with the sun’s rise and fall sends the balloon on a roller-coaster ride through the troposphere. All while the pilots dodge storm clouds, mountains, electrical wires, trees, and church spires, and submit to the sometimes violent whims of nature.

Before cars, GPS trackers, and smartphones were widely adopted, pilots were largely on their own. In the 1910 race, which launched from St. Louis, Americans Alan Hawley and Augustus Post were presumed dead when neither surfaced after a week. They had landed in the Canadian wilderness and trudged through dense forest in a snowstorm before stumbling on a French-Canadian fur trapper’s hut, whose inhabitants mistook them for apparitions and fell to their knees in prayer. Hawley and Post had secured a new world distance record in the adventure.

Hawley and Post were lucky; others were not. Since the race’s inception, nine pilots had perished from mountainside crashes, unexpected plummets, or rogue lightning storms. Mike Wallace faced his own harrowing journey during his second Gordon Bennett, which began in Lech, Austria, in 1991. Fighting a 103-degree fever and a storm, Wallace hung his balloon briefly on a ski-lift cable—and in stew-thick fog grazed the top of Grossglockner, Austria’s tallest mountain—before making a rough landing.

Early on Tuesday, September 12, Wallace and Brielmann spotted the eight-story D-Caribbean in the early-dawn light 12 miles behind them. It was the fourth day of the Gordon Bennett. The sun warmed the Spirit of Springfield’s envelope, swelled its hydrogen, and gradually carried it to 12,000 feet. Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis remained some 3,000 feet lower.

The night had been especially frigid in the cramped wicker basket, and Wallace’s back ached from an old injury. In 1966, he was working as a civilian in Vietnam when the military helicopter he rode in was shot down. The fiery crash burned 80 percent of his body and broke his back, his neck, 14 ribs, and a clavicle. He received a Purple Heart for the ordeal, at a time when civilians were still eligible for the award. By late morning, the Spirit of Springfield and the D-Caribbean had been airborne for more than 60 hours and 750 miles. Both balloons were well positioned for victory. Fraenckel radioed Wallace to see how he and Brielmann were faring.

“We have 12 bags left,” Fraenckel said, “and all our water”—meaning the emergency ballast that could be dropped to stay afloat even longer. “We’re going for a fourth night.”

Twelve bags of sand was more than Wallace and Brielmann had. The D-Caribbean stood a good chance of winning and would almost certainly set a record if it stayed aloft. Its chase team, though, was having car trouble in Germany, which meant that the D-Caribbean would be stranded if it outstripped the Spirit of Springfield’s chase car.

“If you can’t find your crew,” Wallace joked, “you could still land if you want. My guys are right under you.”

Fraenckel laughed. “I don’t think so, Mikey.”

Fraenckel was a rising star on the competition circuit, and he was immensely popular. A handsome man of 55, with a bright smile, dapper mustache, and generous nature, he was an accomplished aeronaut and an airline pilot for TWA on the New York to Cairo route. He’d learned to fly in the Navy. His copilot, 67-year-old John Stuart-Jervis, cut a more reserved if still charming figure. An Englishman, he had run off during the Second World War, lied about his age to join the Royal Navy at 16, and became a pilot with the Fleet Air Arm. During the 1956 Suez Crisis, he was shot down in the Gulf of Suez, and a French cruiser plucked him from the water. He and Fraenckel met at a cocktail party in the Virgin Islands in 1989 and decided to join forces.

Wallace and Brielmann were talented pilots in their own right. This was Wallace’s sixth Gordon Bennett and Brielmann’s first. Despite his lack of competitive experience, Brielmann, who was 43 and from Connecticut, had been flying longer, was savvy with electronics, and, as a machinist and balloon repairman, approached the endeavor with an engineer’s sharp mind. Wallace was a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants sort. A 54-year-old Massachusetts lawyer and real estate developer, he couldn’t afford to fly conservatively. Gas ballooning, similar to jockeyship, favored lightweight pilots, who could stock their baskets with more sand. Compared with his slighter opponents, Wallace’s six-foot-five, 240-pound frame meant that the equivalent of three additional 30-pound bags of sand weren’t available for ballasting—a margin that could keep a balloon flying an additional night.

Despite the Spirit of Springfield’s apparent lead, Wallace had an inkling about Fraenckel’s plan. The crew of the D-Caribbean would simply keep eyes on their friends, watch them land when they ran out of options, and overtake them for the win. Wallace had formed his own plan to counter that possibility. Given the Spirit of Springfield’s southeastern track, they would most likely enter Ukraine, then aim for the Derkul River on its border with Russia, the race’s easternmost boundary. If Wallace could stay up another night alongside the D-Caribbean, he’d land on the riverbank so Fraenckel couldn’t leapfrog him. “We’ll have to damn near put it in the river or they’re gonna hop over us,” he told Brielmann.

Though the two balloons had been in visual contact since dawn, a hazy scrim of clouds now obscured the view, and Wallace and Brielmann could only see the ground 12,000 feet below. They rode the currents in silence. Over the next two hours, Wallace made repeated attempts to raise Fraenckel on the radio, to no avail. Maybe Fraenckel had switched frequencies or decided to remain silent late in the race, even if doing so would be unlike him.

Around 2:30 p.m., the thrum of a helicopter circling below them broke the stillness. Two microlight planes and a chopper had already scouted them back in Germany; curiosity among fellow fliers was common for balloonists. Wallace, having spent his early career arming military gunships, recognized the camouflaged Mil Mi-24 Hind—a sophisticated Russian chopper also dubbed the “devil’s chariot”—as it made close, aggressive passes at them. Wallace waved their permit papers at the Hind and pointed to the yellow Gordon Bennett racing banner. The pilot signaled for them to land and disappeared.

Minutes later, he returned and sped directly at the Spirit of Springfield. When it was a few hundred feet away, the Hind veered sideways, affording a menacing view of its machine guns and the cannon mounted in its turret. “That’s an awesome thing to see,” Wallace said.

Wallace had last reported the Spirit of Springfield’s position to Annette Hockeler, who led the balloon’s chase crew, an hour and a half earlier over the town of Pinsk. Now he jumped back on the radio. “A Russian helicopter is circling us,” he told her. “An armed helicopter.”

Then the radio cut out. It was the last transmission Hockeler would hear from Wallace and Brielmann.

John Stuart-Jervis (left) and Alan Fraenckel

HOCKELER tried repeatedly to reach Wallace on the radio but received no answer. Next she tried Fraenckel, with whom she had also been in regular radio contact. She heard only static. Hockeler was near the Belarusian border but had not yet entered the country. “I was concerned,” she said. Wallace’s final message and both pilots’ silence were disconcerting, but Hockeler told herself not to worry until she had more information. If a balloon was far enough away, flying at low altitude, or on the other side of a mountain, radio signals wouldn’t reach it.

A 38-year-old German from the Düsseldorf area, Hockeler handled radio communications and navigated the roads snaking beneath the Spirit of Springfield. She and Brielmann had been dating for the past year, and things were getting serious. Wallace introduced the couple at the 1994 World Gas Balloon Championships in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a race Hockeler flew with another German pilot. Brielmann worked in Wallace’s crew and helped Hockeler find a quality chase vehicle and a trailer to rent. The two quickly fell for each other and commenced a whirlwind long-distance affair. Three weeks after the event in Albuquerque, Hockeler took a business trip to San Diego. Smitten, Brielmann joined her. Then they spent Christmas together in Germany. Hockeler worked for an airline and began using her flight benefits for frequent trysts in New York.

Hockeler had already chased in three Gordon Bennetts and a number of other competitions. Two weeks earlier, she crewed for Wallace and Brielmann at a daylong event crossing the Alps out of Stechelberg, Switzerland.

With Brielmann’s fate quietly nagging at her, Hockeler and her chase partner, a German named Volker with whom she didn’t get along, were struggling to enter Belarus to catch up to the Spirit of Springfield. They had hoped to speed forward and radio the pilots again, following their southeasterly track. But after the pair spent the evening at the border, the guards there said they would need to backtrack more than 100 miles to Warsaw to obtain visas at the Belarusian embassy. It was already late. The embassy was closed for the day. Hockeler decided that they would find a room in Terespol for the night. “I had no chance to get in contact with Kevin again,” she said.

The D-Caribbean’s chase team, meanwhile, had been stuck near Dresden since Sunday night. Their Volkswagen bus had broken down on the second day. Alan Fraenckel’s older brother, Vic, helmed the crew with support from Martin Stürzlinger. Unable to fix the bus, a local mechanic lent them his Audi station wagon at no charge and asked them to return it when the race was over. In the course of the ordeal, they lost radio contact with the D-Caribbean, which was now far out of range. This was a problem: A chase crew is a balloonist’s lifeline, and Vic and Stürzlinger were now hundreds of miles behind. “At the speed they were going, we would not be able to catch up with them,” Stürzlinger said. “For us, that was pretty bad. It felt like abandoning them.”

Given her proximity, Hockeler had picked up the slack and periodically sent word of the D-Caribbean’s coordinates, altitude, bearing, and remaining ballast to race headquarters. Vic called in from public phones when possible so his crew could stay apprised of the balloon’s status and eventually find them.

Around the time Hockeler received the Spirit of Springfield’s final transmission, Vic and Stürzlinger at last resumed their chase. They were more than 24 hours behind. Stürzlinger saw that his colleague was agitated. “Vic was normally adamant about following the balloon in a line of sight,” he said. As they drove, they knew only that the D-Caribbean was somewhere in Belarus and they needed to get there fast.

Though the crew learned from headquarters that communication had ceased between Hockeler and the two balloons, Vic and Stürzlinger didn’t yet know about the complications at the border and resolved to drive through the night to make up for lost time. When they arrived at dawn, they hit a traffic jam hundreds of cars long. “But these black Mercedes,” Stürzlinger remembered, “they were just passing the line and going forward.” Vic pulled out and followed them all the way to the border station, only to discover, like Hockeler, that they needed visas.

They found Hockeler at her motel in Terespol at 8 a.m. on Wednesday. The Gordon Bennett’s organizers had instructed the crews to wait for their pilots in Terespol while race officials sorted things out. Instead, Stürzlinger later wrote in Ballooning magazine, “we decided to enter Belarus on our own.” The two teams would drive to Warsaw to obtain visas, then turn east again to find their balloons. Their troubles felt like a frustrating inconvenience that had merely shifted from the mechanical to the bureaucratic. “We were kind of naive,” Stürzlinger said.

Volker, Hockeler’s driver, had slept in the chase vehicle in the motel parking lot to thwart thieves. Hockeler, though, stayed awake feeding change into the motel’s pay phone to connect with race officials. “I tried to get more information,” she said. “I called everywhere, and nobody told me anything.”

When Hockeler communicated Wallace’s final transmission to race director Andreas Spenger on Tuesday afternoon, he’d seemed unfazed by the news. By Wednesday morning, though, she thought Spenger was acting strange. “I had the feeling that they knew more,” Hockeler said, “but they didn’t want to tell us. One time I really had the feeling, and I was loud at the phone. I said, ‘Please tell us! What do you know?’ ” She doesn’t recall exactly how Spenger answered. “But,” she said, “it was not the truth.”

“I had it on the radar,” an air traffic controller told Spenger. “He was on the radar over Belarus, but I don’t see it now.”

THE Gordon Bennett command center in Wil ran with the efficiency typical of a Swiss operation. The launch on Saturday evening had been flawless, and officials promptly telegrammed civil aviation authorities in each country that had opened its airspace to the competition to apprise them of the balloons’ launch.

Wil was a quiet agricultural town of low, rolling hills 45 minutes from Zurich, and the hometown of Karl Spenger, the 1994 Gordon Bennett champion. Spenger was a businessman and inventor known for developing lightweight balloon envelopes and baskets. His son, Andreas Spenger, directed the 1995 race on behalf of the Swiss Aero Club. Though the Gordon Bennett had launched from Switzerland on several occasions, this was the first year Wil hosted the race and Spenger’s first time directing it. The younger Spenger ran the command center from his father’s offices.

For three days, Spenger and his team had monitored the balloons’ progress. A large map of the race area covered one wall, with pins indicating each balloon’s known location, which was always approximate. Tracking the balloons’ whereabouts required regular landline calls to a Rolodex’s worth of air traffic control, or ATC, stations to determine who had heard from the balloons and when. The 15 pins were updated accordingly.

Chase crews, too, phoned the command center intermittently with updates on their balloons’ status. Even with rigorous communication, hours passed without feedback, and precise knowledge of any balloon’s actual position was rare. Gordon Bennett aeronauts thus flew practically in isolation. But by Tuesday morning, no major hiccups had arisen, and Spenger reveled in a race unfolding with exceptional ease.

Spenger was on duty in the command center late on the fourth night, monitoring the phone lines and checking the positions of the five balloons he believed were still airborne. The lack of feedback from those that had entered Belarus made him anxious. “I was very worried when we lost contact with the balloons,” Spenger told me. “I tried to call the national ATCs, and nobody knew what happened to them.”

Inexplicably, all monitoring of the Americans and the Virgin Islanders had ceased. Air traffic controllers in Belarus claimed to have no knowledge of the balloons whatsoever. “The negative attitude and contradictory statements of the Belarusian authorities made me very uneasy,” Spenger said. One by one, he redialed aviation authorities in each of the Baltic countries neighboring Belarus. “I had it on the radar,” one controller told him. “He was on the radar over Belarus, but I don’t see it now.”

At 3 a.m. on Wednesday, Spenger finally pried some information from a Lithuanian controller. “He was not allowed to say anything,” Spenger said. “But he told me he heard something.” A balloon, the Lithuanian said, had been shot down in Belarus.

Spenger couldn’t wrap his mind around the news. He thought that Belarus had given approval to fly there. “I was shocked,” he said. Spenger immediately dialed the Belarusian authorities again, but the controllers had stopped answering his calls. Spenger resolved to “work like a machine,” he said, until he obtained the facts. Hockeler and Vic Fraenckel, among others, would be fearful about their loved ones’ fate. Spenger knew this. But he was also aware that his picture of what had happened was incomplete. He still didn’t know, for example, which balloon was shot down, and whether the pilots survived. Until he had more reliable intelligence, Spenger hesitated to reveal the incident to anyone beyond the organization’s inner circle. He summoned them to the command center.

One of the men he called was Jacques Soukup. The wealthy American was the president of the FAI’s ballooning commission, the Comité International d’Aérostation, better known as the CIA. Soukup had been in and out of the command center over the first two days of the competition but had since departed for his second home, Bewley Court, a 14th-century manor outside London. In the predawn hours of Wednesday, September 13, Spenger phoned Bewley Court to inform a sleeping Soukup that a balloon had been shot down and the command center was in a state of emergency. “My heart sank,” Soukup said. He returned to Switzerland by private jet that morning.

That a tragedy was at hand quickly became apparent. Soukup felt especially apprehensive about who had been shot down. Elected CIA president just the year before, Soukup was also a founding member of the Virgin Islands Aero Club, alongside Alan Fraenckel and John Stuart-Jervis, with whom he was close. Furthermore, the D-Caribbean was his balloon. He had followed the race closely and knew that Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis were on a promising track into Belarus. Now his friends were unaccounted for and a balloon had been shot down. “I was feeling awful,” Soukup said. “I was terrified.”

While the others waited outside, Stürzlinger sat in a room with Kolobajek, listening. “Somebody shot at a balloon!” said the voice on the other line.

AT NOON on Wednesday, September 13, Hockeler, Stürzlinger, and Vic arrived at the Belarusian embassy in Warsaw. (Volker remained in Terespol.) They were told that they would need an official invitation from Belarus to obtain entry visas. The visas would cost $120 per person and wouldn’t be available until the following week. “We didn’t understand why it took so long,” Hockeler said. “We wanted to continue driving.”

Both crews kept up regular contact with race officials in Wil, but Spenger had yet to inform them that a balloon had been shot down. Early that afternoon, race organizers got on the line with a man at the embassy named Borvs Kolobajek, who was in charge of arranging the crews’ visas. While the others waited outside, Stürzlinger sat in a room with Kolobajek, listening. “Somebody shot at a balloon!” said the voice on the other line. An indignant Kolobajek dismissed the claim and ended the call.

Stürzlinger told Vic and Hockeler the disconcerting news on the embassy’s front steps. “We figured that it must have been an American balloon, because only the Americans went to Belarus,” he said.

For three hours they waited, with little acknowledgement from embassy officials. At 4 p.m., Vic managed to reach the U.S. embassy in Minsk from a pay phone. A young consular officer named Janine Boiarsky took the call. She told Vic that the embassy had received disturbing intelligence: A pair of American balloonists had been shot down somewhere in southern Belarus, she said. They had perished in the attack. Boiarsky knew nothing else for certain.

The crews sat stunned on the embassy steps and said little. Two of their friends had been killed—including either Hockeler’s boyfriend or Vic’s brother. “But we didn’t know which one,” Hockeler said. “I hoped not Kevin. And Vic hoped not Alan. It was horrible.” Vic entered the embassy to confront the Belarusians, and Kolobajek assured him that both balloons were safe. “Up to now the Belarusian embassy had ignored us,” Stürzlinger later wrote. “Now they started telling lies.”

By now a third balloon that had entered Belarus—the Aspen, with its American pilots, Mark Sullivan and David Levin—was accounted for. The pilots had recently called Spenger’s team in Wil with a harrowing tale: A MiG fighter jet twice circled them at 12,000 feet the previous afternoon. The shaken balloonists didn’t like the look of the shifting weather, and they were low on ballast anyway. They decided it was best to land. When Sullivan and Levin touched down near the tiny Belarusian town of Zelva, authorities escorted them to a military complex. Together with their chase crew, they were held overnight in its barracks under arrest. Four officers in black leather coats interrogated them for hours. After a long night, the officers drove them to a nondescript government building, charged them for exit visas, and directed them to leave the country immediately. When the balloon team crossed into Poland, they bought a case of Budweiser to settle their nerves.

The Aspen’s report was confounding and raised more questions than it answered for Hockeler and the others stuck in Warsaw. It was late in the afternoon. The embassy would soon close. Vic checked with Kolobajek on the status of their visa requests, but there was still no progress.

At 5 p.m., Vic again phoned the U.S. embassy in Minsk. Boiarsky said she had news. Vic steeled himself. Across the street, he could see the rest of the team lingering on the embassy’s stone steps, the red and green Belarusian flag rippling above them. He held the handset to his ear as Boiarsky spoke.

Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis of the D-Caribbean had been killed, she told him. Their bodies were in a small-town morgue. Wallace and Brielmann had been taken into custody somewhere in the same region and apparently were OK. After he hung up, Vic crossed the street and relayed the news to the others.

“We were hugging. We were all crying,” Hockeler said. For her it was an anguished relief, at once cruel and beneficent. “Vic was very silent,” Stürzlinger said. “He was a silent guy anyway, so he dealt with that quite inwardly.” Vic had led the crews’ efforts throughout the day. Now Stürzlinger took over and charged back into the embassy to speak to Kolobajek, “because Vic was not capable of doing these things at that moment,” Stürzlinger said.

After only ten minutes, the embassy verified what Boiarsky had told them. Kolobajek apologized for the accident and offered them coffee inside the embassy. Also, he said, their visas would now cost only $60 each. He allowed Vic to use the embassy line to dial his best friend, but the embassy disconnected Vic’s call after a few minutes, when it closed at 6 p.m.

Stürzlinger was, he told me, “really pissed.” Gentle by nature, he surprised himself in confronting Kolobajek when he offered to halve the price of their visas again to $30. “Is that for the bullets to shoot down the balloon or for the victory party?” he demanded. Kolobajek gave them their visas at no charge.

Hockeler, Vic, and Stürzlinger piled into the borrowed Audi and left Warsaw by 7 p.m. to return to Terespol. Kolobajek promised them that when they arrived, an escort would meet them and take them across the border to Brest. Wallace and Brielmann, he said, would be waiting for them there. When they reached Terespol, however, they found no escort. No one at the border station knew anything about the balloons. Exhausted and devastated, the crews wanted only to retrieve their friends—living and dead—and be done with the ordeal. After four hours of explaining themselves, they finally crossed into Belarus. But Wallace and Brielmann were nowhere to be found.

TWO

WHEN WALLACE saw the Hind flash its machine guns and signal to land, he wasn’t about to argue. He vented gas from the balloon’s envelope to initiate a dangerous and turbulent thousand-foot-per-minute descent. He and Brielmann had eaten dozens of Werther’s candies, and the foil wrappers swirled in the air around them like radar chaff.

Directly below the basket stretched vast open fields—the Pinsk Marshes, one of Europe’s largest wetlands. “It’s godforsaken,” Wallace said. “If you were gonna give the earth an enema, you’d stick the tube in the middle of the Pinsk swamp.” Wallace aimed for a building roughly five miles away. Nothing stood around it but thigh-high vegetation that choked the swamp. The Hind had vanished. “So I’m thinking, What the hell’s going on?” Wallace recalled. “Why wouldn’t he escort me down?”

As the Spirit of Springfield plunged, letting off the flammable gas that gave the balloon shape and lift, military aircraft shot heat-seeking missiles and dropped bombs around them. This corner of the Pinsk swamplands doubled as a Belarusian Air Defense target range, but was not labeled as such on their charts. The building they’d chosen to guide their landing appeared to be a favorite target in the range. The structure was shot up and pocked with shrapnel. “This is not an appropriate place to go down with a balloon,” said Brielmann. Wallace ballasted a spoonful of sand and ascended to 300 feet.

For the next hour and a half, Wallace worried that the Hind was still tracking their progress and might notice that they had yet to land. But they were still in the race. He figured he’d squeeze out three or four more miles while he searched for a safe place to touch down.

A road appeared in the distance. Soon they heard voices below. Near the road, curious faces peered from the shrubbery. As they neared the ground, a man reached up, grabbed the balloon’s trail rope, and pulled them to the earth. He and the others braved the target range to forage for berries and apples.

Wallace took a GPS reading of the landing site and joined the man, who spoke no English but mimed an offer to guide him out of the swamp. Brielmann stayed behind with the balloon. The dirt road was rough and rutted with tire tracks more than two feet deep. Abandoned trucks and bombshells littered the edges. How the hell are we getting the balloon out of here? Wallace said to himself.

Wallace ducked into the ruts whenever a bomb detonated nearby. He walked in a pair of the soft, round-soled boot liners used by mushers in the Iditarod, a method of saving weight during balloon races. But after several miles, he was limping badly—on top of inadequate footwear, he suffered from peripheral neuropathy, a consequence of the Vietnam crash that mangled his nerves and caused pain and numbness in his legs.

Wallace and his guide came upon a shack several miles down the road, manned by a trio of inebriated soldiers passing around slices of salami. An officer dumped the water from Wallace’s bottle and poured in vodka, insisting that he drink with them. “I’d had a drinking problem,” Wallace told me, “and I hadn’t had a drink in ten years. I couldn’t do that.” He asked instead for water and some food. He hadn’t eaten much more than a few carrots and a chocolate bar in three days.

To the outpost’s guards, this lumbering foreigner had seemed to materialize like an alien from the wild bog. They asked through gestures where he’d come from. “The sky,” he told them, pointing. His forager-guide returned to the swamp. Wallace trudged inside, found an empty cot, and slept.

Back at the landing site, Brielmann was hard at work packing the balloon. Unexploded bombs jutted from the ground, and ordnance thundered around him. Above, jets continued shooting missiles. Brielmann was grateful that none of the shrapnel rained down on his head. As darkness fell, he covered the basket with an American flag, hoping that it would function as a deterrent rather than a target. Away from the balloon, he found a bomb crater where he could sleep, wrapped himself in his military poncho, and prayed that no one would mistake him for a spy.

Sometime after midnight, the growl of a motor awoke him. An old army Jeep pulled in next to the balloon, and Brielmann saw flashlights. Voices called his name in the moonlit dark. Wallace must have found help. Brielmann rose from the crater and walked toward them. In broken English they demanded his passport. “I’ll show it to you,” he told them, “but you’re not going to leave with it.” Only when they produced Wallace’s passport did he hand his over, but he refused to go with them. “I’m staying with the balloon,” he insisted. “Send a truck for it. I’ll go with that. OK?” Initially the soldiers disagreed, but when Brielmann wouldn’t budge, they tossed him a blanket and disappeared.

A couple of hours later, two soldiers returned with a massive three-axle truck. Together they loaded the basket and envelope—some 300 pounds of nylon and wicker—and quietly drove Brielmann to a military base in the nearby town of David-Gorodok. The guards escorted him to the commandant’s office, where he found Wallace in the midst of being questioned.

The commandant had wrangled a young English teacher named Sveta from the village to interpret. She told Wallace and Brielmann that the commandant believed they meant no harm but wanted to know how they got there and what they were doing. “We had a document in Russian that explained what we were up to, that Belarus in particular had invited us to fly through their airspace,” Brielmann told me. The story didn’t seem to compute, despite the letter. “They didn’t know where the hell we came from,” Wallace said. “They could not get it down that we came in by balloon.”

After the questioning, guards ushered Wallace and Brielmann to the second floor of a barracks across the base and into a room strewn with cots. A soldier occupied one; Brielmann assumed he was there to watch them. The adjacent bathroom lacked toilet paper and towels. When a guard showed Brielmann his bed, a thin mattress with a dirty blanket, he fell into it gratefully. “The opportunity to lay horizontally and not be bent up in a ball in a crater or bounced around in a truck just seemed like a great idea,” he said.

Late in the morning, they shared a simple breakfast of bread, cheese, hard-boiled eggs, and slices of meat in the empty mess hall. Wallace had visited numerous military bases during his armament work, and they were always bustling. Yet, other than their minders, they saw no soldiers. “That was the strange thing,” Brielmann said. “It seemed like a halfway-deserted base.”

In the commandant’s office, they endured another round of questioning. He wanted to know why they chose to land in a military area.

“It wasn’t marked on our maps,” Brielmann answered. Neither had they chosen to land—they’d been forced down by the Hind.

“You have maps?” the commandant asked. “Where did you get them?”

“Well, airplanes fly over, and they take pictures,” Brielmann deadpanned, “and they can turn it into a map. They don’t have your base on it, so we didn’t know it was there.” He assured the commandant that if their map had described this as a firing range, they would have steered clear of it. But the commandant remained suspicious.

Before he and Wallace left his office, Brielmann asked the commandant for some paper and received a few scraps. Guards escorted them back to their room, where they were to remain when not being questioned or eating twice-daily meals in the mess. Once the two were alone, Wallace pointed to the paper in Brielmann’s hand and said, “Don’t you go writing everything down so they can take it from you and know your thoughts.”

Brielmann regarded him with exasperation. “Hey Mike, it’s paper,” he said. “I’ll give you some next time you’re using the toilet.”

The hours passed without progress. Wallace was peeved that they hadn’t been allowed to leave. “No one knew where we were. No one except for the commandant,” Brielmann told me. Their crew had no idea where they landed, let alone that they’d been taken to a military base. “It wouldn’t have been a far step for the commandant to dispose of an inconvenience.”

Brielmann took a different angle. “Mike, you couldn’t buy a vacation like this,” he told him. They were guests of the military of a former Soviet republic. They should relax. “It just seemed like a classic screwup that eventually would get sorted out.”

Brielmann found a way to stave off boredom with the soldiers who shared their room. “Kevin decided he was going to teach them some English so he could communicate with them,” Wallace said. Brielmann learned a bit of Russian in turn, mostly balloon-related words he thought might be useful. “Kevin was brilliant,” Wallace said. He had once called Brielmann the Great Improviser for his ability to make do with anything. “He could put ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag, and it’d end up fine.”

Wallace, meanwhile, was in pain from his flaring neuropathy. He needed to get to the truck that still held the balloon to retrieve his medication from the basket. “That’s not possible,” one of their minders said. “The driver took the key to the door where he parked the truck. We can’t get into that garage.” The next time the pilots were outside, though, Brielmann noticed that while the truck bearing the Spirit of Springfield may be located behind a closed door, some adjacent doors were up and the bays appeared to be connected. “Mike,” he said, “they’re lying to us. They’re deliberately keeping us away from it for some reason.”

Before dinner the pilots were summoned again to the commandant’s office. “We’re very sorry to have to tell you,” Sveta interpreted. “There has been a terrible accident, and two of your friends are no more.” The commandant offered no further explanation, but both Brielmann and Wallace understood that Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis were dead. Brielmann felt as if he’d been struck between the eyes. “Very cursory. No detail. It was like, What could have happened?” But having seen the firepower and aggression of the Hind that confronted the Spirit of Springfield, he suspected that the D-Caribbean had been less fortunate in its encounter. “That totally changed the demeanor of the visit, knowing that our friends had been killed.”

Janine Boiarsky, the consular officer in Minsk, managed to connect with the balloonists on a line in the commandant’s office. She spoke with Wallace first, then asked about Brielmann, who Wallace said was fine. Boiarsky insisted that he hand Brielmann the phone. “She wanted to talk to each of us personally,” Brielmann said, “to actually hear our voice.” She said the embassy was working to free them. “Knowing that someone in the U.S. government knew we existed, and hopefully where we were, was a great comfort.”

The news of Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis’s deaths, on the other hand, devastated the pilots, and it was difficult to process in the midst of their detainment. The next morning, a Thursday, Wallace demanded that their captors let him into the truck to retrieve his medication from the balloon. “Look, do you want me to die here on you?” he asked. “They’re in the basket!” The prospect of another American’s death on their hands persuaded them to give the men access to the balloon and Wallace’s meds. Wallace, though in pain, had exaggerated his limp. “I was blowing smoke up their ass to get back to the balloon,” he said.

Brooding and perhaps naive about his jailer’s magnanimity, Brielmann wrote a statement that afternoon for the commandant to sign. “I wanted to try to document the fact that we had been forced down,” he said. Race rules required them to obtain signed testimony from witnesses to their landing. More crucially, he was leaving breadcrumbs where he could. The statement included the latitude and longitude of the landing site, along with a concise declaration for Gordon Bennett organizers asserting that he and Wallace could have flown farther. The commandant pointed out that he didn’t know whether they could have continued flying. Above all, he took exception to Brielmann’s description of the Hind as a “military gunship.”

You didn’t know that there were guns on it,” he protested. Brielmann said that he could see its machine-gun barrels. “You don’t know if there were bullets in there,” the commandant countered. They agreed to call it a “military helicopter.” Brielmann rewrote his statement, and the commandant signed and dated it.

Maybe this was a step forward and maybe not. But Brielmann no longer considered this “vacation” the lark he previously had, and he was afraid. He wanted out. In the confines of their guarded room, he couldn’t shake the dire possibilities from his imagination. Are we going to be able to leave this country? he wondered. Are they going to disappear us?

ROADS in Belarus were in bad shape. The land was flat, desolate, and dark. No one in the chase crew had slept in 24 hours. Once they settled in for the drive, Vic Fraenckel began to cry. Vic had learned from Boiarsky that his brother’s and Stuart-Jervis’s bodies lay in a small morgue in the town of Biaroza, near where the D-Caribbean struck the earth. They would need to be officially identified. Boiarsky had gone ahead to ensure that the deceased aeronauts and their effects were properly looked after and that no autopsy would be performed without an American physician present.

By the time the crew arrived in Biaroza, around 4 a.m. on Thursday, Boiarsky had already gone back to Minsk. Vic phoned her from a post office, and Boiarsky said that she would return to meet them later in the day. The Belarusian Air Defense Forces, she said, were detaining Wallace and Brielmann at a base in David-Gorodok, a three-hour drive east. Vic asked Boiarsky what they should do. “As a U.S. embassy official, I can’t advise you to go,” Boiarsky told him. “But as one human being to another, get there as fast as you can.”

Stürzlinger got behind the wheel and they hurried off. Hockeler dozed in the back seat. Whatever their worries, at least their mission was clear, a lens to focus their grief. “We functioned as a crew throughout. We never really stopped to think,” Stürzlinger told me. The few road signs were in Cyrillic, and the crew struggled to match them to their maps, which often proved inaccurate and tested their patience.

Stürzlinger sped down the rough pavement, occasionally passing tiny hamlets almost before noticing them. “It got very empty out there,” he said. A police officer pulled him over somewhere along the way, but Stürzlinger wasn’t having it. In polite English, he told the officer, “Sorry, we are not going to deal with this. We’re just going to drive on.” Stürzlinger grabbed a picture and pointed at it, saying the Russian word for “balloon.” “That was our secret password,” he said. “We used that at every occasion. I think he was just confused, and he let us go.”

Around noon the crew finally found themselves in David-Gorodok. They stopped at the first official-looking building they saw and announced that they were searching for two Americans and a balloon. The building turned out to be a bank. The proprietor wouldn’t allow them to phone the U.S. embassy in Minsk but dialed a number himself, reporting back that Wallace and Brielmann would arrive in 15 minutes.

When after half an hour the pilots hadn’t appeared, the banker let them call the embassy. “Waiting for the right person to get on the line proved too long for the man in the bank, who was getting more and more nervous,” Stürzlinger later wrote in Ballooning magazine, “and he disconnected the line.” Then he shepherded them to the gate of the military base and departed.

At the base, a small man with a big hat and a bushy mustache instructed them to leave their car and drove them to a guard station, where an officer checked their visas and sent for an interpreter. While they waited, the crew asked to call the U.S. embassy, but the mustached man said that the three telephones on the desk wouldn’t reach Minsk and he told them to wait.

Sveta, the interpreter, arrived after an hour and inspected their passports. First she asked why they were in Belarus. With all the patience he could muster, Stürzlinger answered, “We’re here to fetch our dead pilots and the two surviving ones.” He demanded to see their friends. “They’re busy,” the man in the big hat said. “They have to do some paperwork.”

Vic insisted that they contact the embassy—perhaps from a post office, as they’d done before—and eventually the guards relented. They escorted the chase crew to the David-Gorodok post office, which doubled as a small grocery store, its shelves mostly barren. On the phone, Vic talked with embassy officials, who concurrently spoke on another line with the Belarusian Foreign Ministry, relaying what Vic told them and pressing for action.

Then Brielmann arrived with an armed guard. He’d been planning to make a call to Switzerland, hoping that organizers would pass along a message to the chase crew. Surprised to see Hockeler standing before him, he rushed to embrace her. “I don’t have the right words in English. I was relieved to see him,” Hockeler told me. “But it was so sad.” When Brielmann saw Vic, he felt the heartbreak his friend was enduring and hugged him next. “We really didn’t need a whole lot of words,” Brielmann said. “Just sharing an immense loss.”

Wallace remained unaccounted for when they returned to the base. Brielmann explained that guards had taken him into town earlier to call his sons in Massachusetts. Brielmann and the crew waited in a small grassy park, surrounded by soldiers smoking, until Wallace lumbered toward them with an escort, still wearing his boot liners. He had just endured a final round of questioning. The commandant wanted him to sign a statement in Russian, but Wallace refused to do so without an American official present.

With the chase crew on the base and the U.S. embassy making noise, the Belarusians’ attitude seemed to shift. “They realized they made a huge international mistake,” Wallace said. Brielmann decided to take advantage of the momentum. He needed to get the balloon into the crew’s trailer so they would be ready to leave quickly. Observing the squadron of troops milling around in the training field at the center of the base, he approached the commandant and indicated the Spirit of Springfield on the three-axle truck. “It won’t fit the way it is. I need to pack this thing up really neat,” he said. “Can I get some help?”

The commandant rounded up a few dozen soldiers. Brielmann employed the Russian terminology he’d learned and directed the troops to lay out, repack, and load the Spirit of Springfield. When they finished, he regarded Stürzlinger and Wallace with a sly grin. It was the best packing job they’d seen in ages. The pilots were allowed to gather their things from the barracks while the crew bought drinks and fuel for the drive. They asked for an official document from the military to ease their passage out of the country. Sveta produced a statement in Russian that they couldn’t read, but no one protested as they crammed into the Audi and drove away.

Around 8:30 p.m., the crew and pilots arrived back at the morgue. Boiarsky was waiting for them. She told Vic that he could view his brother if he chose. “I’ve already been in to see the bodies,” she cautioned, explaining that she’d used their passports to confirm their identities. “I recommend that you don’t go look, unless you really want to. It’s not pretty.” One of the men had a crushed rib cage, as though he’d struck the ground flat on his back. The other appeared to have been in a seated position at the moment of impact: face smashed, tailbone and legs shattered. Vic opted to stay outside, and no one else wanted to look either.

Around 10 p.m., Boiarsky and her driver chaperoned the group to the Polish border and told the other car to stay close. She would return to the morgue afterward and accompany the bodies by plane back to Minsk. Their remains would then be sent on to the United States. Stürzlinger wouldn’t let Vic drive, and Wallace was exhausted and in pain despite his meds. Brielmann rode with Boiarsky. Five hundred yards from the border, the Audi sputtered and ran out of gas. By the time Boiarsky noticed, a column of some dozen tanks had entered the road between them and stopped traffic. “Shit,” Wallace said, “we almost made it.” Boiarsky turned her driver around, parted the tanks, and found fuel for the chase car.

At the border station, guards reprimanded Wallace and Brielmann for lacking entry visas and charged them $30 apiece to exit the country. Boiarsky offered packs of Marlboro cigarettes she’d brought along to barter with, but the guards didn’t budge. What’s more, Brielmann only had a hundred-dollar bill and the guards didn’t have change. So Boiarsky wrote a check for the exit visas.

On the Polish side of the crossing, a drunken border guard gave the crew grief about the contents of their trailer. Brielmann leaned from the window and shouted, “Vozdushnyy shar”—Russian for “balloon.” The term “got through the vodka fumes,” Stürzlinger later wrote, and the stumbling guard gave up and waved them through to Terespol in the early-morning hours. After three exhausting days, Belarus vanished in the rearview mirror.

This was the first instance outside of war that a manned balloon had been shot down in what many deemed a profound act of aggression, even murder.

SCORES of balloonists and their crews gathered in Switzerland that Saturday, September 16, to attend a memorial service for Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis on Wil’s pastoral outskirts. The church, Kapelle Maria Dreibrunnen, was a 13th-century pilgrimage chapel adorned with rococo golden altars and a painted ceiling depicting biblical battles.

In a black suit, Jacques Soukup stood visibly distraught before the congregants packed in the nave, a stack of notes in hand. Once a Roman Catholic priest, he’d been up all night marking his Bible and struggling to prepare the eulogy for his friends. Light scattered from the frosted beehive panes flanking him before the pulpit. Behind Soukup, the U.S. Virgin Islands flag was draped over an altar. In front of that stood a black-and-white photo of Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis beaming in the wicker basket of Soukup’s balloon.

Soukup read from St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, a passage that recounts love’s best qualities. “The man that wrote these words was known as a traveler,” Soukup said. “This man was also an adventurer. He went to strange and often hostile places. He took risks. Alan Fraenckel and John Stuart-Jervis did the same.” He described the pilots’ unflagging generosity and jovial spirits, their many contributions to the sport of ballooning and to the lives of the people who loved them. “This was a great tragedy, a senseless loss of life,” Soukup said. “But they died doing what they loved.” His voice caught in his throat. “To Alan and John, we say, ‘We will greatly miss you. But we know your spirits will fly on.’ ”

Neither Wallace nor Brielmann were at the service. Wallace had already flown home to the U.S., and Brielmann and Hockeler skipped it entirely, with race director Andreas Spenger’s encouragement, to rest and avoid a frenzy of questions. The two pilots learned at an intimate, somber awards ceremony the next morning that, having flown 872 miles, they had placed second in the 1995 Gordon Bennett Cup, behind the Germans Willi Eimers and Bernd Landsmann, who flew more than 1,000 miles to Latvia and set a duration record of 92 hours and 11 minutes. Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis, shot down just eight miles short of Levin and Sullivan, placed fifth.

This was the first instance outside of war that a manned balloon had been shot down in what many deemed a profound act of aggression, even murder. In the chapel, Soukup called upon the gathered balloonists to emulate love in the heat of bereavement. “It does not take offense and is not resentful,” he reminded them. And yet, St. Paul went on, it “delights in the truth.” A burning question hung over the ceremony: Why on earth did Belarus shoot down a balloon to begin with?

THREE

IN THE TWO days after the D-Caribbean was shot down and two Americans were killed, Belarusian media published a flurry of articles lambasting the country’s military, based largely on assumptions and a slow trickle of details. Then a journalist named Vasil Zdanyuk wrote a front-row account no one had expected to see in the Svobodnye Novosti, or Free News, where he worked as a reporter.

On Tuesday, September 12, as the Spirit of Springfield and the D-Caribbean were flying into Belarusian skies, Zdanyuk was reporting a story about a recently conceived joint military air-defense system involving Russian and Belarusian forces. He needed to speak with General Valery Kostenko, the Belarusian Air Force commander, about the collaborative endeavor. Though Kostenko had been on vacation, he told Zdanyuk that he needed to stop by his office and would make himself available. They arranged to meet at 11 a.m. at the military headquarters in Minsk.

Kostenko was around 50, a big man, professional but friendly, with a foul mouth. Despite being off duty, he dressed in his military uniform. His office was a simple room with a desk, chairs, and a couple of telephones.

Eight years earlier, in May 1987, Kostenko had been a division commander in the Soviet Air Defense Forces when Mathias Rust, an idealistic 19-year-old amateur pilot from West Germany, flew a single-engine plane from Helsinki to Moscow and landed on the Bolshoy Moskvoretsky Bridge, adjacent to Red Square, in a brash bid for peace. Kostenko had spotted Rust’s plane near Saint Petersburg, but Moscow brass denied his and other defense units’ requests to engage. At the time, many thought that Rust had made a mockery of Soviet defense shields. Kostenko was the man now empowered to make such calls for Belarus.

As the interview began, Zdanyuk turned on his tape recorder. Even Kostenko was unsure how the joint system would work absent a single command. As an example, Kostenko told a story about a weather balloon that had recently drifted over Minsk and caused a panic, though ultimately it posed no danger. Kostenko was in the midst of carping about the nuisance such low-flying probes could be when a duty officer rang with an urgent message. An unidentified object, perhaps some kind of balloon, had infiltrated the airspace buffering their facilities 150 miles to the southwest, near Biaroza. What should they do?

Only a few years before, Kostenko would have sought direction from his superiors in Moscow. Now, Kostenko told the duty officer to observe where the craft was going and find out why. He hung up and surveyed Zdanyuk. “See how lucky you are?” Kostenko said, leaning toward him. “There is a balloon flying. You get to experience how this air-defense system works.”

Ten minutes later the line rang again, and Kostenko flicked on the speakerphone as Zdanyuk’s tape rolled. The officer said it looked like a weather balloon. A navigator at the Air Traffic Office heard that a meteorological probe had been released in Lomza, Poland, that morning. The balloon was heading toward the Osovtsy airfield, which would create problems for military flights scheduled to launch in about 30 minutes. Kostenko, raising his voice and cursing, told him to find out exactly what the craft was. He ordered a Hind helicopter sent up to get a closer look.

The general dropped the phone onto the receiver and motioned for Zdanyuk to continue with his questions. When the phone rang a final time, Kostenko spoke directly to the captain piloting the helicopter as it rose into the air. The general instructed the captain to circle the balloon, then asked if he could see a suspended load.

“Comrade Commander, I have visually detected the balloon.” At a glance, the pilot said, no one appeared to be inside. The balloon was nearly on top of the airport. “Your decision?”

Zdanyuk sat quietly across from the general. “What should we do?” Kostenko said. “Let’s shoot the thing down. Destroy!”

At 11:53 a.m., Zdanyuk’s tape recorder captured the fusillade from the Hind’s machine guns. Kostenko regarded him. “See, this is how we work,” he said. “This is how we serve.”

ZDANYUK’S story wasn’t the last word on the D-Caribbean incident. Under pressure from the U.S. State Department, Belarus agreed to establish a special commission and appointed a veteran investigator from Russia to lead it. International Civil Aviation Organization regulations entitled representatives from the U.S., whose citizens had perished, and from Germany, as the balloon’s country of manufacture, to assist with the inquiry.

The commission’s 81-page report was released in June 1996. It revealed an astounding series of lapses. In the months before the 39th Gordon Bennett Cup, race organizers sent repeated requests to the Belarus Center for Organization of Air Traffic, or BCOAT, to be granted permission for balloons to enter Belarusian airspace. Organizers received a telegram that OK’d the flights and stated that permit numbers would be issued after BCOAT received flight plans. But no Belarusian agency recorded either the requests or the approval.

Director Andreas Spenger’s team faxed 18 flight plans on September 9, 1995. Because the fields for time and place of entry and landing airfield were left blank—these being impossible to specify for balloons that would drift on the wind—BCOAT shift workers assumed that the plans had been sent erroneously and tossed them. This left ATC and Air Defense officials unaware that Gordon Bennett balloons might enter their territory. When they received a call from the border guard who first spotted the D-Caribbean, and subsequently discovered that Poland had launched a weather probe that morning, Air Defense forces assumed that they were the same craft and made little effort to verify.

Though the report laid the brunt of culpability on BCOAT and the Anti-Aircraft Defense, it also made a series of questionable arguments. Namely, that Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis bore a measure of blame for their deaths by failing to communicate with ATC centers and request permission to enter Belarusian skies. It said that Spenger’s team neglected to provide pilots with proper radio frequencies for Belarus’s ATC centers, and that the D-Caribbean had not displayed its national flag nor any other identifying banner. The report’s authors speculated that Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis “most probably were sleeping” and proposed that altitude hypoxia and edema of the brain and lungs may have contributed to their presumed unconsciousness.

These arguments infuriated Mike Wallace. He and Fraenckel were talking “all morning, up to 20 minutes before the shooting occurred,” he wrote in an issue of Skylines, the newsletter for the Balloon Federation of America. “I can attest to the fact that Alan and John were not asleep, fatigued, or stress-impaired in any way.” Given his own experience with the Hind, he charged that no one could sleep through such an event. Moreover, he had confirmed the radio frequency with Fraenckel as they crossed the border. Both balloons tried to contact Minsk, but the ATC center there had been too far for their radios to reach.

The FAI, the international governing body of aero sports, quickly conducted its own probe of the investigation, with Jacques Soukup’s help, and published a scathing analysis of the Belarusian report. Among the “omissions, inconsistencies, and inaccuracies” it noted, the FAI rejected and sought to disprove all suggestions that Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis or the Gordon Bennett Cup’s organizers were at fault. Wallace had personally helped Vic Fraenckel attach the Gordon Bennett racing banner to the D-Caribbean’s gondola. The flag, mounted on the foot ropes high above their heads, would have been impossible to detach midflight. “It is just conceivable that the banners were ripped off during the plunge to earth,” the FAI said in its analysis. “The flag was made of nylon and could therefore have burned during the fire.”

The FAI noted that investigators never interviewed Wallace or Brielmann, and that the Belarusian report lacked transcripts of conversations between ground controllers and the pilot of the Hind that intercepted the Spirit of Springfield. In fact, the report never mentioned Wallace or Brielmann at all. The investigation, the FAI felt, pandered to Belarus’s sense of its actions as the result of a tragic misunderstanding.

Wallace and Brielmann couldn’t shake one fact unearthed by the Belarusian investigation. Amid the debris strewn through the trees surrounding the downed D-Caribbean were the pilot’s two radios. The first was found tuned to 154.515 MHz, a frequency whose purpose investigators couldn’t fathom. This was the private channel on which Fraenckel spoke with Wallace throughout the race. The second was tuned to 121.5 MHz, the international emergency frequency. “It tells me Alan was very alert,” Brielmann said. “He was trying to communicate with them. If it was tuned to 121.5, he saw something bad going down and he was trying to end it.” But according to the Belarusian report, the Hind never checked that frequency or attempted any radio contact whatsoever.

The radio’s tuning suggested that a chilling struggle had ensued. Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis likely noticed the Hind’s whir in the gathered clouds and may have watched its advance with curiosity. Soon enough, its hostility would have become apparent when, from nearly a half-mile away, the gunner fired three bursts from the Hind’s nose-mounted machine gun. “Take that, and that, and that, too!” he shouted, according to audio transcripts. The shots missed by more than 300 feet, and he reloaded. “Go ahead and cut him up,” the commander ordered. “We’ll have one more go at it.”

Just over a minute after the first shots were fired, a final burst exploded the hydrogen and ignited the D-Caribbean’s envelope. Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis plummeted 9,000 feet to the earth.

EPILOGUE

THREE WEEKS after their release, Mike Wallace and Kevin Brielmann flew the Spirit of Springfield in the inaugural America’s Challenge race at the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. Vic Fraenckel led the chase crew. A reporter asked the pilots if they had second thoughts about flying again. “They don’t have that particular helicopter in the U.S.,” Brielmann deadpanned.

In a tribute to Alan Fraenckel and John Stuart-Jervis, the festival opened with the launch of one of Fraenckel’s rigs, alone above a field of balloons, while “Taps” echoed through the crowd. Wallace and Brielmann hung the U.S. Virgin Islands flag with the Stars and Stripes, as they would during every flight afterward, and traveled a personal distance record of 1,290 miles. It earned them a second-place finish and a spot in the 1996 Gordon Bennett Cup. Wallace was elected president of the Balloon Federation of America shortly before the race got underway.

The following September, Wallace and Brielmann traveled to Germany for the 40th Gordon Bennett. Annette Hockeler was newly pregnant, and she and Brielmann planned to marry early the following year, before their son was due. At the pilots meeting before the race, organizers announced that, although Belarus was closed, they had stretched the competition zone to include the Balkans, a landscape riddled with mines from years of war. Concerned about Vic and Hockeler following on the ground, Wallace stood and made a rousing speech condemning the move. This race paid homage to Fraenckel and Stuart-Jervis, he said. “Who will die this year to be memorialized for the 41st race?” The organizers conferred and, to widespread relief, decided that the Balkans would be closed after all. Wallace and Brielmann again silvered behind Willi Eimers and Bernd Landsmann.

Outside the town of Biaroza, on the forest floor near the Brest–Minsk railroad tracks, Belarusian activists had recently set a modest stone in the ground, a tribute to the fallen balloonists on the tragedy’s first anniversary, at the spot where they’d struck the earth. Inscribed in the stone were a cross and the date “12.9.95,” along with two Belarusian words carved in Cyrillic: “Forgive us.”

At the opening ceremony of the FAI’s annual General Conference meeting in Slovenia that October, Vic accepted his brother’s and Stuart-Jervis’s posthumous Montgolfier Diploma for Best Sporting Performance in Gas Ballooning while the crowd gave an emotional standing ovation. Jacques Soukup was there. He would resign as president of the FAI’s ballooning commission the next year. “The lowest time for me was the night the telephone rang from the Coupe Gordon Bennett headquarters in Switzerland to inform me that there was a problem in Belarus,” Soukup wrote in his final CIA newsletter. “I never quite had the same enthusiasm after that week.”

After the Belarusian investigation closed, in the spring following the downing of the D-Caribbean, Soukup had received the remnants of the balloon: charred fragments of the nylon envelope, pieces of netting, the wooden valve, the load ring, and some mangled scraps of metal, all stuffed into the badly damaged, bloodstained basket. For a while, Soukup housed these macabre remains in a large garden shed at his home in England.

When spring was blossoming into summer, Soukup pulled them from the shed and laid them at the edge of a small lake on the 14-acre property. The sun was lowering toward the horizon. At last, Soukup set what was left of the D-Caribbean aflame and watched its ashes rise into the sky.


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From Antarctica with Love

From Antarctica
with Love

Part II
Disaster

On March 3, following Atkinson’s instructions, Cherry arrived at One Ton Depot to await his dearest friends, the ones who had given new purpose to his otherwise aimless aristocratic life. He’d nearly died alongside Dr. Bill and Birdie Bowers during their treacherous journey in winter darkness to fetch valuable Emperor penguin eggs at Cape Crozier. His teeth had shattered in the brutal minus-70-degree cold, and his poor eyesight meant that he was unable to see the gorgeous auroras in the sky above them. But the journey was instrumental in making Cherry the type of man he wished to be. Bill and Birdie were steadfast and true, and Cherry found that he could be, too. He had been devastated to not continue on the polar journey with them and looked forward to their reunion. The inspiring Dr. Bill and the indomitable Birdie, along with Scott, Oates, and Petty Officer Edgar “Taff” Evans, were due to arrive at the depot any day. “My first feeling was one of relief that the Polar Party had not been to the Depôt and that therefore we had got their provisions out in time,” Cherry later wrote. “I decided to remain at the Depôt where we were certain to meet.”

Cherry waited and waited, a day and then another. He wasn’t worried. Even after seven days, he wrote, “I had no reason to suspect that [they] could be in want of food. Thus I felt little anxiety for the Polar Party.” He could not take the dogs farther inland to look for them, because there wasn’t enough dog food for the journey. So on March 10, Cherry returned to base camp, hoping—believing—that his friends were close behind him.

Weeks went by. The sun vanished. Winter darkness fell, and the truth finally set in. Everyone in the hut knew that the polar party’s supplies would have run out by now. Nothing and no one could survive on the Barrier without food and fuel. This meant only one thing: All five men were dead. Atkinson, as the highest-ranking naval officer at Cape Evans, was now in full command of the British Antarctic Expedition.

The group in the hut was down to 13—apart from Scott’s lost party, nine others had gone home on the Terra Nova. After a subdued midwinter holiday dinner in June, Atkinson called the men together—officers, civilian scientists, and seamen. Atkinson was a different kind of leader than Scott, and he wanted all the men to weigh in on what should be done when the sun returned. Should they go west and try to rescue Campbell’s party, who would have had access to seals and penguins for sustenance to see them safely through the winter? Or should they go south, seeking out the remains of the lost party?

The vote was unanimous. There was a chance Campbell’s party would make it back to base on their own. But if the men didn’t try to find what remained of Scott’s party, it was possible that no one would ever know what became of them. The dead could not recover themselves.

At the end of the winter, Atkinson wrote a long letter to Pennell about the situation. “It really has been a devil of a winter and a very trying time,” he said. “By Jove I shall be very pleased to see you again and shall have a good deal to say. I think we all need civilization pretty badly.” The rest of the missive was characteristically modest; Atkinson singled out others at Cape Evans for praise, especially Cherry. “Please remember and remind anyone that I could never claim any credit for anything that will be done,” he wrote to Pennell. “There is much more for the others, but I am ready to take any blame for myself.”

Atkinson hoped that he might find some peace with Pennell once they returned home. “Mind you try and throw over a few things,” he wrote, “and we shall get off into the quiet country somewhere away from people.”

The search party set out on October 29 and covered the 137 miles to One Ton Depot in two weeks, arriving on November 11. The next day, Silas Wright squinted through the vast brightness glaring off the Barrier and noticed a small, out-of-place dark spot. He skied over to investigate. Soon the other men saw him waving frantically, beckoning them to follow. When they arrived, Silas said, “It is the tent.”

The men dug it out from a winter’s worth of drifted snow. Inside it was quiet as a cathedral. Some would say later that the dead men seemed to be sleeping. Others would describe it as a horrible, gruesome scene. All would agree that Scott’s arm was out of his bag, stretched over Wilson.

The search party silently collapsed the tent over the bodies, built a cairn of snow atop it, and put up a cross made of a pair of skis. Atkinson led a funeral service. “The sun was dipping low above the Pole, the Barrier was almost in shadow,” Cherry would write years later. “And the sky was blazing—sheets and sheets of iridescent clouds. The cairn and Cross stood dark against a glory of burnished gold.”

Campbell’s party had spent the winter in a dug-out ice cave not tall enough to stand up in, lit only by a single, smelly blubber lamp. They’d survived—barely.

As the Terra Nova cruised toward Cape Evans in midsummer, the crew strung up celebratory bunting and readied champagne, cigars, and chocolate. The ship was scrubbed, the yards squared, and the Union Jacks and ensigns hoisted. It was the least the men on board could do for Scott to ease the disappointment of having come in second place behind the Norwegians, who after returning from the Pole had sailed directly to Australia and announced their triumphant news to the world.

Though Pennell was aboard the ship, he was no longer its captain: Evans had recovered and been promoted to commander, taking over just before the Terra Nova headed south again. Grumbled Pennell in his diary: “The position is of course a very awkward, one might almost say humiliating, one.” But leaving the expedition would have meant not reuniting with Atkinson, so he accepted the demotion to navigator.

Approaching Ross Island on January 18, 1913, in a beautiful and sunny calm, Pennell was relieved to see Campbell and the other members of his party through his spyglass, waving to greet the ship. They had made it through the winter and rejoined the main party; they even looked to be in good health.

“Are you all well?” Evans shouted. Campbell raised a megaphone as the Terra Nova approached. He hesitated for a moment. “The southern party reached the South Pole on the seventeenth of January last year, but were all lost on the return journey,” he called out. “We have their records.”

The ship bobbed in silence as the sun bounced off the water. It was Pennell who broke the quiet. “All hands to let fall anchor!” he ordered. The men jerked back into action. There was a splash and the rattle of a chain. Evans dispatched crew members to bring down the celebratory flags.

Soon Atkinson and Campbell were on board, giving the Terra Nova’s crew the news in detail. The story of Campbell’s party was inspiring: They’d spent the winter in a dug-out ice cave not tall enough to stand up in, lit only by a single, smelly blubber lamp. They’d survived—barely—on seal and penguin meat, and kept themselves sane by singing hymns and obeying strict naval discipline. The three seamen in the party pretended not to hear the discussions on the officers’ side of the cave, and vice versa.

Of the polar party’s story there was almost too much to take in, not least the pain and grief suffered by the men at Cape Evans. “No one can ever know quite how much Atkinson has been through this last winter,” Pennell later wrote. For Evans’s part, he was awed at the “grit and loyalty” Atkinson had displayed through such a trial.

The ship’s carpenter constructed a nine-foot-tall memorial cross, upon which the names of the dead were carved, along with a quotation selected by Cherry from “Ulysses” by Alfred Lord Tennyson: “To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” It was erected on Observation Hill, above Hut Point, the last staging point on the way to the Pole.

Denis Lillie

Everyone left on the expedition was aboard the Terra Nova as it steamed north. Pennell observed that Campbell somehow seemed younger now than when the expedition first set out. But Atkinson was another story. “Jane is much more marked—lines all over his face, which now, in repose, has a thoughtful almost sad look,” Pennell wrote in his diary. “The expedition will I think affect him more (permanently) than any other member.”

Atkinson would have to tell the families of the dead—and the wider world—that Scott’s party had perished. He would have to explain what led to the tragedy, when he still did not fully comprehend it himself. He saw the dead bodies, frostbitten and starved, in his mind’s eye; he saw the cans of precious fuel at the depots on the Barrier, their contents evaporated through faulty seals. He alone had read the end of Scott’s diary, with its increasingly bewildered enumeration of each point of failure: “The loss of pony transport in March 1911… The weather throughout the outward journey… The soft snow in lower reaches of glacier… [T]his sudden advent of severe weather… [A] shortage of fuel in our depôts for which I cannot account…”

Pennell, among others, tried to convince Atkinson that the expedition had been, at least in some ways, a success: An Englishman had reached the Pole, and the Terra Nova was carrying back the most extensive scientific records of Antarctica ever collected, including more than 70 pounds’ worth of immensely valuable geological specimens from the top of the Beardmore Glacier, hauled to the very end by the polar party.

Lillie, ever eager to cheer up his comrades, drew one of his caricatures, depicting Pennell and Atkinson as a pair of what he called Penelopatchicus antarctica, or “Antarctic Love-Birds,” perched on branches underneath a bell jar. With plumage resembling naval dress uniforms, the birds appeared to be performing some kind of mating dance. Both men signed their names to the drawing, as if to approve it for posterity.

Pennell may have looked at the dark-haired, compact Atkinson—quiet, strong Jane—and seen a man sorely tested who now needed kindness, care, and rest.

In the dark early hours of February 10, 1913, Atkinson and Pennell were rowed ashore by Tom Crean in Oamaru, New Zealand. The local lighthouse, in Morse code, flashed, “What ship?” But the crew of the Terra Nova refused to reveal the ship’s name—just as Atkinson and Pennell refused to tell the night watchman onshore who they were. Britain’s Central News Agency had negotiated the exclusive rights to Scott’s story before the expedition, and neither man was about to violate the agreement.

After a few hours of sleep on the bemused harbormaster’s floor, Pennell and Atkinson headed to Oamaru’s small telegraph office at 8 a.m. sharp. They sent a wire to the expedition’s agent, J. J. Kinsey, informing him that they would arrive by train in Christchurch to deliver the full story in person. The Terra Nova was already steaming up the coast to meet them there.

As they waited for the train, Pennell and Atkinson sat together in a field near the station. When was the last time it had been just the two of them? Perhaps nearly two years, when Pennell visited Atkinson’s hotel room to confess his anxieties about taking command of the ship. So much had happened since then. Pennell’s difficulties, whatever they may have been, paled in comparison with what Atkinson had endured. Whatever words did or did not pass between them, Pennell may have looked at the dark-haired, compact Atkinson—quiet, strong Jane—and seen a man sorely tested who now needed kindness, care, and rest.

It was a hazy and warm late-summer day. A northerly wind sent ripples over the broad blue-green sea and blew the sound of morning birdsong toward the two men. It was a rare and precious moment, the calm before the storm.

The storm found them soon enough. By the time Pennell and Atkinson were on the train to Christchurch, reporters had gotten word of the Terra Nova’s return and were on their trail, dogging the men from station to station. Some recognized Pennell from his two winters spent in New Zealand; some mistook Atkinson for Scott. Pennell shielded Atkinson from their prying. “Sorry, but I can’t give you a word,” he told one overeager reporter. “You know we are bound to secrecy.”

They handed over the full dispatch, written by Evans, as soon as they arrived in Christchurch, and Kinsey assumed responsibility for its immediate transmission. The story of Scott’s demise soon reverberated worldwide; it was in the headlines of nearly every paper around the globe by February 11. It happened so quickly that Atkinson did not even have a chance to speak to Oriana Wilson, Dr. Bill’s wife, before she heard a newsboy at the train station shout word of her husband’s death.

“It’s made a tremendous impression,” Atkinson told Cherry afterward. “I had no idea it would make so much.” It felt to many people like another Titanic, which had sunk only the year before. In Britain, children assembled in school halls to be told the terrible news by teachers. St. Paul’s Cathedral hosted a memorial service with King George in attendance. Thousands gathered outside, straining to hear the hymns.

In New Zealand the press was in a frenzy, and the men of the Terra Nova were at the center of it. Many of the scientists and civilians decamped right away for home or holiday, but the naval officers, duty bound to stay with the expedition until given leave, had no such luxury as headlines turned from shock to blame, much of it focused on Atkinson. Had he done enough, reporters asked, to save Scott? Could he have been at fault for the whole ordeal?

After Atkinson, stressed and grief-stricken, escaped to Kinsey’s country home outside Christchurch for rest and privacy, a reporter from the Lyttelton Times raised the issue with some of the Terra Nova’s officers. Pennell interrupted him. “There is not the slightest ground for suggesting that criticism of anything Dr. Atkinson did came from a single member of the expedition,” he said.

“Especially from me, who was in charge of one of the parties he was trying to relieve,” Campbell put in.

“Or from me, whose life he saved by his professional skill,” Evans added.

Bad feeling among the crew did exist privately, but it was mostly directed toward Evans. Since Scott’s death, he had become the head of the entire expedition, much to the chagrin of those, like Atkinson, who thought him unworthy of the position. But there was no time to dwell on the issue in the face of so much to be done: speaking to the press, arranging for passage back to England, filling out paperwork, preparing the Terra Nova for the ship’s homeward voyage.

It was only on weekends that Pennell and Atkinson could find a moment to themselves, and they made the most of it. They created a sanctuary for themselves at Te Hau, Kinsey and his wife’s country estate. There they bunked in a cozy hut in the garden, meant to serve as a meteorological station in Antarctica but left behind for lack of room on the ship. “Mrs. K carefully arranged that J & I should sleep together in the Cabin & apologised very much for having to put us in the one room,” Pennell wrote. The men smoked their pipes. They listened to the gramophone. They leafed through books of fashion plates. They took photographs, posing cheerfully with fellow expedition members and local friends. A couple they befriended even chose them to be godfathers to the child they were expecting.

But it could not last. Atkinson was tasked with chaperoning the widowed Oriana Wilson and her unmarried sister, Constance Souper, home to England. They steamed away on the SS Remuera on March 6. The night before, Pennell and Atkinson spent a final evening together at the Royal Oak—“the best hotel in Wellington but such a dirty place,” Pennell wrote. They would not see each other again until June or perhaps July, when the Terra Nova would finally arrive back in England. Pennell, always the optimist, was already looking forward to their reunion.

“In some ways this has been a very happy month,” he wrote. “None could have imagined how nice everyone could be until this sort of thing occurred, the thoughtfulness & sympathy of all our neighbours, the press & the public has been wonderful.” Though he had been very busy, there was a silver lining. “The whole time has been practically with Jane & this need not be emphasised.”

Part III
Home

The men were not together for the long journey back to England, but they were on the same seas: from New Zealand around Chile’s Cape Horn, up the eastern coast of South America, and across the Atlantic to England. Teddy Evans had chosen to join his wife on a steamer back home, leaving a grateful Pennell once again in command of the Terra Nova.

Writing to Pennell from the Remuera, Oriana Wilson assured him that Atkinson’s help as chaperone was invaluable to her, and that her presence had eased his grief as well. “I have felt so for him,” she wrote, “but I can’t say it to him—it has been such a relief to see him cheering up and enjoying things.” On the Terra Nova, Pennell slept during the day so he could take the night watch. “You will be amused to hear that the last 2 days I have been dreaming of you,” he wrote to Atkinson. “The day before yesterday I was smashing your bottom with great gusto.” This was something he had delighted in doing when Atkinson was on board—catching him unawares with a firm smack.

The Remuera arrived in England on April 15; the Terra Nova docked in Cardiff two months later. It was the end of the line for the Terra Nova, which would now be sold, but for the expedition there was much work still to be done: scientific, administrative, financial. First, however, it was time for Pennell to go home.

He and Atkinson reunited in Awliscombe in June. Atkinson was exhausted from weeks spent traveling to meet with the relatives of the lost polar-party members, retelling the same horrible tale over and over—he badly needed a holiday. He got one in the form of a glorious summer week with Pennell: tennis on the court behind the family home, drives along country roads in a hired motorcar, a wooded hike to medieval earthworks, visits to various aunts and cousins in the area eager to meet two genuine Antarctic heroes.

Then the week was over and both men headed for London, where they moved into a house filled with other bachelors near Harley Street. “It is very comfortable here,” Pennell wrote of the place, “and being in the same house as Atkinson makes it most enjoyable.” During the week it was work, dinner, and then the theater—lots of it. (Pennell in particular was a fan of the stage.) Pennell took to waking Atkinson up at 6:30 a.m. to make the most of their days together; on the weekends he often escaped to family in the countryside while Atkinson remained in town.

In July, King George presented the Polar Medal to the members of the expedition at a state ceremony—everyone was in full dress uniform, with cocked hats and gold braid. Pennell proudly reported in his diary that the King “told Jane he had done very well, a kindly & well deserved acknowledgment of the way he has behaved.”

Soon it was time to part once more. On August 13, Pennell took a break from writing the report of the Terra Nova’s voyage to accompany Atkinson and his three sisters to Southampton. The Atkinsons were leaving on the passenger steamship Trent for the West Indies, where they were born and where their family still lived. They would be gone for a month.

Aboard the Terra Nova earlier that year, sailing for England, Pennell had written to Atkinson, “This little absence has given a very keen edge to the pleasure of looking forward to seeing you again. If the navy means everlasting break ups & paying offs it also means a great many meetings again & these are the pleasures of life.” For men like Pennell and Atkinson, the constant goodbyes and reunions were part of life, something to be endured in the former case and cherished in the latter.

A few days after Atkinson’s departure, who should show up in London but Gerry Hodson, with whom Pennell had served years prior on the Mercury and fallen in love. “Till I met [Gerry] I thought I should never know what real love was,” Pennell had written in his diary all those years ago. “And now he could twist me round his little finger.” Pennell spent two weekends in Gloucestershire with Hodson and his family. But his mind was elsewhere. “Find myself counting the days till Jane returns, it is almost aggravating at times to be so violently in love with a man,” he wrote. “It is lucky to have so many months with him now.”

As he waited for Atkinson’s return, Pennell kept busy—he knew no other way to be, really. He was always moving, always working. Finally, September arrived and Pennell was at London’s Waterloo Station to meet Atkinson’s train. “Jane was very bright & happy when he arrived & fled off to Essex where his lady love lives,” Pennell wrote in his diary, “but that is another story.”

Her name was Jessie Ferguson. She was a sprightly Scottish redhead whom Atkinson thought he might marry. It was the sensible end of the line for any man of his age and station. Passionate friendships between men were natural in the masculine worlds that Atkinson and Pennell inhabited. They’d both been boarders at private schools for the sons of gentlemen, where they would have acted as servants for older boys and then solicited obedience and devotion in turn from younger boys. As a teenage naval midshipman, Pennell might have harbored a crush—or “pash,” as he’d have called it—on a superior officer. But these feelings had a stopping point. A man, in particular a man in uniform, was supposed to get married. Atkinson and Pennell were keenly aware of social expectations and the repercussions of bucking them.

Men from Scott’s expedition were getting engaged left and right: to the sisters of other expedition men, to girls they’d met in New Zealand, even to the heiress of a pharmaceutical fortune. Atkinson, as Pennell knew very well, had always been a flirt, especially when tipsy. Dancing with a pretty girl appealed to him just as much as a bout of the sweaty naval boxing he excelled at before the expedition. Pennell, conversely, had never much seen the appeal of women. He had written with jealous undertones about Gerry Hodson’s dealings with local girls. When a fellow officer on the Terra Nova expressed his desperation to be reunited with his fiancée back in England, Pennell was bewildered. “Presumably I shall be the same when the world is entirely composed by one fair young thing—at present one simply marvels,” he wrote in a letter to Atkinson on the voyage.

Pennell contemplated all this while on a rainy shooting holiday in Scotland with Atkinson, Cherry, and Oriana Wilson in late September. One of Pennell’s role models was Dr. Bill, whose widow, Oriana, he considered a dear friend. “I never thought the Christ-life possible as an ideal till I saw it in your husband,” he once wrote to her. If Bill had managed to find such fulfillment in married life, perhaps Pennell could, too. He’d been promoted in the navy, giving him a new station in life. Maybe he ought to have a wife to go along with it.

Pennell had known Gerry Hodson’s younger sister, Katie, for nearly ten years. That summer, she had accompanied him and Gerry to the theater in London; she was a pleasant girl. Though she’d rarely featured in his letters or his diary, he now considered her a sensible enough choice—an obvious one, even.

The first weekend of November, he visited the Hodsons. “I proposed to Katie & dropped a bombshell in the vicarage,” Pennell wrote afterward. “Mr. & Mrs. Hodson & all the family are delighted … all except poor Katie who is having rather a bad time.” She was afraid of him—accomplished and handsome as he was, she barely knew him—and afraid of marriage altogether. She did not accept him right away; her family gave her the time and space to make her own decision.

While Katie weighed the idea of life with Pennell, he returned to London and to Atkinson. They dined at Les Gobelins and discussed—not marriage, anything but that—the prospect of another Antarctic expedition, which Atkinson was keen on. In a few years, might they be back on the Terra Nova together, on a journey to figure out what lay east of the Barrier? Marriage or not, they were looking forward to being in each other’s lives for a long time.

On November 27, Pennell received a telegram: Katie had agreed to marry him. “Dear little girl I am afraid it is a bigger step for her than for a man,” he wrote in his diary. “So you see I am not the confirmed bachelor you used to fear I was,” he wrote to a friend who had congratulated him on his engagement. Pennell celebrated at Piccadilly Restaurant with Atkinson and one of their housemates, followed by a showing of his favorite play, The Great Adventure—it was his fifth time attending it.

Then it was back to work. He finished preparing the Terra Nova’s charts and magnetic readings and submitted them for review. Antarctica’s Oates Coast, which Pennell had charted and named in honor of his lost shipmate, was soon to be an official landmark.

Pennell then joined Katie and her family for three weeks of ice skating, orchestral concerts, and cafés au lait in Lausanne, Switzerland. “It seems as if she had got over her sort of fear of me & only has to overcome her feeling of shrinkage at the thought of marriage—from its physical side,” he wrote in his diary. “Brought up in complete ignorance of natural functions as K. & so many others are this idea of copulation when first presented to a girl’s mind must indeed be frightening.”

Pennell harbored his own doubts and fears, many of them the same ones Katie had. When he returned to England at the end of January 1914, he spent a Friday with Atkinson at the London School of Tropical Medicine. Ostensibly, he was there to help Atkinson with his work in parasitology—a lot of fiddly and difficult microscopy, “counting papillae on worms’ tails,” as Atkinson put it. In truth Pennell wanted to know, in detail, what would be expected of him as a husband, a topic about which he was sure Atkinson knew more than he. “Jane has been splendid explaining aspects of the physical side of marriage,” he later wrote. “He is a friend such as most men never find.”

“So you see I am not the confirmed bachelor you used to fear I was,” Pennell wrote to a friend who had congratulated him on his engagement.

By February, Pennell and Atkinson had moved out of their shared home at 15 Queen Anne Street. For Pennell, the greatest joy of the past nine months had been living “with Jane under the same roof.” But he had been posted to the HMS Duke of Edinburgh as navigating commander, and Atkinson was given a new job researching schistosomiasis in China with a colleague, Cherry serving as their assistant.

The work mainly involved digging through feces to find evidence of infection-causing parasites along the Yangtze River. Work that many would hate, Atkinson enjoyed. What he didn’t enjoy, especially once Cherry departed for England in May, was his colleague, Robert Leiper, whom he found himself frequently butting heads with. “I don’t really think old chap you can fully realize how perfectly damnable this man can be,” Atkinson wrote to Cherry, fuming.

It was a seemingly intractable problem. But then war broke out, shattering the still, hot air of August 1914. Atkinson put himself on the first ship home.

Part IV
The Great War

If the navy in peacetime was likely to separate Pennell and Atkinson—“everlasting break ups & paying offs,” as Pennell had put it—the navy in wartime was worse. Atkinson arrived in England on August 29 and quickly joined the men on the HMS St Vincent, a flagship in Britain’s Grand Fleet. There was little time for personal meetings. “The illustrious Pennell turned up the other day and I was alongside him in the skiff as soon as she dropped anchor,” Atkinson wrote in a letter a few months later. “He really is an old dear and blessed with all the virtues and I would give anything to be with him. I have only seen him once since then as we are on different duties and are seldom in together.”

But if he longed to be with Pennell at sea, Atkinson also yearned to be assigned to the front, where he could be of real use, and petitioned the navy to allow him to investigate sanitary and parasitological problems in the trenches. By then the first of the Terra Nova crew had already died in the war: Lieutenant Henry Rennick drowned in the North Sea when a German torpedo hit the HMS Hogue. In the cold water, he handed his life preserver to an exhausted comrade before being swept below. Newly married, he left behind his pregnant wife, Isobel.

Perhaps it was with Rennick on his mind that Pennell took a few days of leave in April 1915 to marry Katie. War weddings were a common enough sight. It was only a pity that neither Atkinson nor Denis Lillie could get away from their war duties to be his best men, as he’d wanted. At least Oriana Wilson was there, still in her black widow’s garb. So were Pennell’s sisters and an abundance of Hodsons. Katie’s father, the rector, performed the ceremony. Pennell wore his gold-braided dress uniform, with cocked hat and ceremonial sword. Katie wore a dress of white silk, edged with lace, and a pearl and diamond pendant given to her by Pennell. She used Pennell’s sword to cut the cake, which was decorated with penguins, seals, and anchors. The couple posed for photographs and then took a short honeymoon in Devonshire. Then Pennell went back to his ship.

Atkinson was still squirming to get to the front. “I am so excited at the idea of getting over and this waiting is bad,” he wrote to Cherry in June 1915. “Penelope writes very cheerfully but unfortunately I have missed him as his squadron and ours have now changed billets and so I may not see him again before I go over.” Atkinson was finally dispatched to Gallipoli in August 1915, and on his way stopped to marry Jessie Ferguson in a quick civil ceremony in an Essex registry office.

Landing at Cape Helles, Atkinson found himself in trenches filthy with disease from infestations of flies and maggots. It may have seemed like hell, but it was a perfect laboratory for Atkinson’s work. He and his crew burned waste, improved latrines, removed garbage, and tested out new insecticides. Atkinson’s mitigation efforts quickly bore fruit. The number of vermin decreased rapidly, and the amount of sickness affecting the men soon dropped by a third. Atkinson felt that he was being useful. Even the threat of being bombed hardly bothered him. “I am a bit of a Jonah over shells and have been swiped and that sort of thing and it really is queer how callous one gets,” he wrote to Cherry.

Shrapnel was one matter, sickness another. Come winter, Atkinson was struck with severe pneumonia, pleurisy, and paratyphoid, and was sent home. “I have been badly bitten by the life and my work was going along splendidly when this [damned] thing happened,” Atkinson grumbled. Pennell wrote to Cherry when he heard: “It is very unfortunate about Jane. Luck of war of course, but one hoped he might escape.”

Cherry was sick, too, as he had been on and off since returning from the Antarctic expedition. This time he was an invalid at home with severe colitis. Haunted by his failure to meet the polar party at One Ton Depot, trauma was taking a physical toll on him, and Atkinson was concerned. “Look here old chap in my usual interfering way I have been worrying around,” Atkinson wrote to him in early 1916. He recommended that Cherry get in touch with Denis Lillie. If Cherry was angry at the imposition, it didn’t last—one couldn’t possibly be mad at sweet Lillie, who was soon invited to repose at Lamer, Cherry’s large Hertfordshire estate.

Once recovered, Atkinson spent the spring of 1916 in England, trying to get a posting on a warship—any would do. There was rumored to be a “big show” coming, a major display of naval force against Germany, and he didn’t want to miss it.

Pennell and Atkinson

The headlines that spring didn’t always convey news of the war. There had been another disaster in Antarctica. Shackleton’s Endurance expedition had not been heard from in nearly 18 months, and was now presumed lost. Something had to be done for Sir Ernest, a national hero ever since his close approach to the Pole in 1908. The Admiralty began to put together a rescue mission. Atkinson, having led Scott’s expedition through winter and the mission to find the lost party, was a natural choice to lead the search for Shackleton.

Atkinson wanted to turn the offer down—he had just been posted to France as medical officer for the howitzer brigade of the Royal Marine Artillery. An order from the Admiralty could not be ignored, however. So Atkinson relented and asked that Pennell be released from war duty in order to serve on the rescue mission together. The request was mistimed. On May 30, 1916, Pennell was on the HMS Queen Mary, steaming to the North Sea with the rest of the Grand Fleet, ready to engage German battleships in action: The big show had come at last.

Then, just as British ships were firing on the Germans, Shackleton suddenly reappeared. A telegram from the Falkland Islands reported the ordeal his men had survived: ship crushed by ice in the Weddell Sea, men starving on ice floes, sailing open boats to Elephant Island. The Admiralty could call off the rescue mission; Shackleton would save his own men.

As this spectacular news traveled around the world, Pennell and the men aboard the Queen Mary sustained a direct hit from a German ship. Then another. Then the Queen Mary’s munitions stores detonated. Amid the loud and brutal battle, the ship broke in two and sank fast.

By the time the thick black smoke had cleared enough to reveal the devastation, only scraps of debris of the Queen Mary remained, floating in an oil slick. There were 20 survivors in a company of nearly 1,300 men. None of them were officers.

If only Atkinson’s request that Pennell join him on the Shackleton rescue had been granted in time. “I wish to God now it had come off and he had been out of Queen Mary.”

“Penelope has gone and I am very sore at his loss,” Atkinson wrote to Cherry. It was a subdued response to the death of the man he loved, but writing was not Atkinson’s strength. (“He will not do so if he can help it,” Cherry once noted.) If there were any among their old crew to adequately translate grief to the page, it would have been the poetic, observant Pennell. Still, Atkinson tried. “Fate in these cases seems so hard and so very inexplicable. I would willingly have taken his place,” he confessed to Mrs. Kinsey in New Zealand, who had once provided the two men a cabin to share. To another friend of his and Pennell’s, Atkinson wrote, “Captain Pennell’s loss has been a very great blow to me.” If only Atkinson’s request that Pennell join him on the Shackleton rescue had been granted in time. “I wish to God now it had come off and he had been out of Queen Mary.”

With Shackleton safe, Atkinson remained in France attached to the howitzer brigade and its 94-ton guns, which were towed by tractors from trench to trench in pieces. There he stayed for a year, attending to the wounded. He survived a blast of shrapnel to the face and eye in July 1917, but insisted on returning to the front two weeks after it was removed.

By late 1917, however, he was growing tired morally, if not yet physically. “This affair is no longer the gentlemanly game that it was,” he wrote to Cherry. The summer of 1918 found him in England, at Haslar Hospital, for more shrapnel removal. With many mentions in dispatches and a Distinguished Service Order for his troubles, he could easily have attained a cushy posting away from the front, but such a thing was unthinkable. “So many of my friends have gone West through the aid of the Hun that it makes me most bitter and I want to do all I can against them as long as I can,” he wrote to a friend. In August, he received a posting to the HMS Glatton, a newly completed battleship that sailed to Dover harbor in September, preparing for a fall offensive.

On September 16, the Glatton caught fire while in harbor, and its amidships munitions exploded. Atkinson was temporarily knocked out by the blast. When he awoke, his cabin and the passageway outside were filled with smoke and flames. He began bringing unconscious men, one after the other, to the upper deck. On his third trip, another explosion rocked the vessel—the fire had reached another munitions store. The explosion blinded Atkinson, and shrapnel pierced his leg. He dug it out, then groped around for more men to bring to safety.

By this time the other ships in the harbor had sent aid to the Glatton and were pulling injured men onto the pier. Atkinson, according to newspaper reports, was found “on the upper deck in an almost unconscious condition, so wounded and burnt that his life was despaired of for some time.”

He recovered at the Royal Naval Hospital in Chatham, almost unrecognizable after losing much of the right side of his handsome, chiseled face. He was awarded an Albert Medal for saving five lives. Two weeks after the Armistice, he received a glass eye.

Epilogue

Atkinson never returned to Antarctica, instead settling into a mainly administrative navy career. He walked with a bad limp, had a loose piece of bone stuck in his head, and suffered chronic pain from his war injuries. Ten years after the end of the war, his wife, Jessie, died of cancer. They had no children.

Atkinson sank into a deep depression and drank heavily, and his family feared that he would soon follow his wife to the grave. Against their advice, he abruptly retired from the navy, married Jessie’s cousin, and shipped out as a doctor on a passenger steamship. “I shall be happiest at sea again,” he told Cherry. He died just a few months later in 1929, aged 47, aboard the liner City of Sparta. Some reports said that the cause was heart failure, others said fever. In any case, he seemed to have known that the end was near and wanted to meet it at sea.

Atkinson was dead; Pennell, too. And Lillie, such a dear friend to both men, was gone—not dead, but locked away in an institution. At the start of the war, the biologist declared himself a conscientious objector, went to work as a noncombatant in a military lab, and spent his rare weeks of leave at Cherry’s estate, pushing the temporarily wheelchair-bound Cherry around the large garden and cheering him with typically dreamy talk of reincarnation, alternate dimensions, and the universal flux. Cherry gamely tolerated what Lillie called his “heresies,” and Lillie in turn doled out abundant affection. He dreamed of a future in which neither man married, even once writing, “You will not fall [in love] until the real me turns up.”

But Lillie’s letters ended abruptly in early 1918, when he was institutionalized at Bedlam for suicidal depression and delusion. No one, not even Cherry, was allowed to see him. (Lillie, like so many others interned in British psychiatric wards during that era, remained there until he died, in 1963.) Cherry was now alone, with no way to talk to his dearest friends except to write about them. In an early draft of his acclaimed book, The Worst Journey in the World, Cherry wrote, “In Pennell’s heaven they will work thirty hours in the day.… He will perhaps keep the Celestial Log Book, and the record of the animals sighted.… And every now and then he would ask for leave to go and take some of his friends in Hell out for dinner. I hope he will ask me.” (Cherry, increasingly consumed by his guilt at not being able to save the polar party, imagined that he would not share an afterlife with the illustrious Pennell.)

Later, in the preface of a reprint of the book after Atkinson’s death, Cherry wrote, “I have never known a better rock than Atkinson was that last year down South. His voice has been with me often since those days: that gruffish deep affectionate monosyllabic way he used to talk to you when he knew you were ill and perhaps feeling pretty rotten. Not but that he was abrupt at times. It was of the manner of the man to be so; it was his pose. The funny thing was that he could not prevent the tenderness poking through, despite himself.”

The initial publication of the book, in 1922, had brought Cherry success, fame, and many fans, including T. E. Lawrence and Nancy Mitford, and cemented Cherry’s position as one of the best-known survivors of the Scott expedition. For a moment he was seen as a literary leading light, but he never wrote another book. “The Antarctic … was the highlight of his life’s experience; the long remainder was anticlimax,” wrote a biographer. He continued to struggle with his mental and physical health, and married a younger woman when he could no longer carry on alone. He passed away in 1959. His widow wed his doctor.

Captain Scott’s wife never liked The Worst Journey in the World, because it showed her husband as he was: an anxious, brave man, but not always an ideal leader, lovable and complicated and all too human. But that honesty became essential to the book’s longevity. It was a candor born of love and grief under extraordinary circumstances. “In civilization men are taken at their own valuation because there are so many ways of concealment, and there is so little time, perhaps even so little understanding,” Cherry wrote. “Not so down South.”

Only in a place like Antarctica, Cherry believed, could one man know another’s real character. It was where Cherry had felt most himself, where Captain Scott and Dr. Bill formed a friendship so deep it lasted until their deaths. And where Atkinson and Pennell came to know and understand each other. They could not escape the tragedy the continent held for them, nor the disasters that awaited them in the Great War—but how good it was that, for a while, they at least had each other.


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“There Will Be No Mercy”

“There Will Be No Mercy”


When Ethiopia’s government launched a brutal two-year war in Tigray, the region’s largest hospital was overrun with victims. The medical staff risked everything to treat the wounded—and believe the world ignored a genocide.

The Atavist Magazine, No. 159


Drew Philp is a journalist, screenwriter, and TED speaker. His work has appeared in The Guardian and De Correspondent, among other publications. He is the author of A $500 House in Detroit.

Editor: Seyward Darby
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checker: Kyla Jones

Published in January 2025.


Warning: The following story contains graphic depictions of sexual violence and other atrocities.

Day One

Saba would have preferred to be an architect. A young woman who exuded effortless cool and liked aviator glasses and Pink Floyd T-shirts, she had instead been thrust into studying medicine by her upwardly mobile family. Saba was the eldest daughter, and the first in her family to go to college. In Ethiopia, that meant that she was expected to become a doctor or engineer. Her family chose medicine.

Born and raised in Addis Ababa, Saba Tewoldebrihan Goitom attended medical school in Mekelle, the capital of Ethiopia’s Tigray region. Her family is part of the Tigrayan ethnic group, but she never felt particularly Tigrayan. Saba considered herself a citizen of her nation, one of the pluralistically minded youth who would inherit the empire of dozens of ethnic groups that the world called Ethiopia.

Saba moved to Mekelle because she had extended family in the city, and because Tigray—which is about the size of Denmark and is Ethiopia’s northernmost region—was more stable than most of the country. A two-decade conflict over Ethiopia’s border with Eritrea, which touches Tigray, had ended with a much lauded peace agreement in 2018. The accord earned Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed the Nobel Peace Prize.

Saba liked Mekelle. When she wasn’t studying, she enjoyed the city’s coffeehouses and kaleidoscopic nightlife. She had a diverse group of friends—many of her fellow students weren’t Tigrayan. She even grew to like medicine, particularly when it meant playing disease detective by trying to determine the illness afflicting a patient.

Then, only a few months before Saba was set to begin her internship, the outbreak of COVID put her education on hold. Like many young people, she moved back home. She helped her mother around the house, looked after her sisters, and watched countless movies. In the fall of 2020, she was summoned back to school. The 24-year-old expected that the pandemic would be the only disruption on her path to becoming a doctor. But on November 3, as her father drove her to the airport for the return flight to Mekelle, his phone rang. The caller bore distressing news: Her father’s best friend had been arrested. Law enforcement had detained him without explanation when he went to a government office to pay his taxes.

Saba’s father was as confused as he was frightened. Both he and his friend, who was also Tigrayan, were law-abiding men who made no trouble. When Saba said goodbye to her father at the airport, she hoped that he would soon have answers. Still, the call left her feeling uneasy.

Saba had kept her apartment in Mekelle, a five-minute walk from Ayder Comprehensive Specialized Hospital, where her medical school was located. But the government required a COVID test upon arrival in the city; Saba spent the night in a hotel downtown while awaiting the results. She checked in late and spoke on the phone with her mother. There was no news about her father’s friend. She looked at social media for a few moments. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She fell asleep around 11 p.m.

By the time she awoke the next morning, both internet and cell service were gone. Power in the neighborhood appeared to be out too, but the hotel had a generator, so Saba turned on the television. Tigray’s regional president was on screen saying that a war had begun. Tigray Special Forces* had launched several attacks on federal troops in Tigray, including one at their headquarters in Mekelle. The federal government claimed that the assault was unprovoked. Tension had simmered between the federal and Tigrayan governments in recent months, but Saba couldn’t fathom that anyone in power would be “stupid enough to start a war.”

* Ethiopia’s constitution authorizes each regional government to maintain its own armed forces.

Saba ran downstairs. The hotel receptionist told her that banking in the city had been suspended. Saba had only 1,500 birr in cash (about $40), and more than half of that would go toward covering the hotel room. She was on the verge of tears, but the receptionist assured her that she’d be able to withdraw money soon. Whatever was going on, it wouldn’t last long.

Saba wanted to believe the receptionist. She had never felt afraid in Mekelle before. After covering the cab to her apartment and buying a few necessities, Saba had 300 birr ($8) left. She didn’t know it then, but the money would have to last her a month.

Ayder Comprehensive Specialized Hospital in Mekelle. (Photo by Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP via Getty Images)

Hale Teka woke up on the morning of November 4 to the sound of gunfire. An ob-gyn at Ayder, he was a physically imposing man who was accustomed to deference from others in light of his professional skills and stature. His father had been a farmer, like his father before him, but Hale’s drive and intelligence helped him escape a life of manual labor. His star rose so fast that he never had to apply for jobs—he was always offered them. He was a man completely in control of his domain, a master of his trade. Nearly every day, people lived or died at his hands. Mostly they lived.

Hale wasn’t sure where the gunfire was coming from, and with service outages across Mekelle, he couldn’t look online for answers. He was certain something was very wrong. But what could he do? He got dressed and did what he did most mornings: He went to work.

Ayder  was the second-largest hospital in Ethiopia, a public institution serving seven million people. It was the jewel of the Tigrayan health system, a network of hospitals and clinics painstakingly built over decades into one of the most comprehensive in sub-Saharan Africa. Ayder’s campus consisted of a complex of white buildings encircled by low trees, and that November the skeletons of two new structures—a multistory oncology unit and an emergency complex—were visible on the property.

When Hale arrived, the hospital was busy with patients—women in white headscarves and flower-print dresses, men in Western-style collared shirts buttoned to the neck, some wearing head wraps or cotton shawls. But there was also something surprising: soldiers. They lined the halls of Ayder’s ER bearing gunshot wounds.

Hale moved quickly through the hospital to attend his daily staff meeting. The morning assembly typically involved a case review of the previous 24 hours, discussions about the work of interns and residents, and updates on general goings-on throughout the hospital. At this meeting, however, there was talk only of conflict.

Employees in white coats and scrubs wondered aloud: Is it really war or just a skirmish? How long will it last? There were already soldiers arriving at Ayder for medical assistance; would there be civilians, too? Hale was due to travel to Addis Ababa soon for further training. Rumors circulated that the federal government was rounding up prominent Tigrayans in the capital. Would it be safe for him to go?

Hale was no stranger to conflict. He had seen the Ethiopian civil war, which had lasted from 1974 to 1991, and ended with the Tigray People’s Liberation Front (TPLF) leading a coalition that overthrew the Derg, the country’s military junta. At the time, Eritrea was also fighting a war of independence against Ethiopia. Eritrea became a sovereign nation in 1993, but peace was fleeting. Five years later it invaded Ethiopia, triggering what became known as the Badme War, which lasted two years.

Hale knew that war had a way of leaving no one untouched. He had a wife and child at home. He looked at his colleagues and wondered how many of them would be injured, sustain scars, possibly die. Would he be among them? Would his family?

For now there were only questions.

What most Tigrayans didn’t know—what few people in the world knew—was that behind the scenes, Abiy had been plotting all-out war.

Abraha Gebreegziabher, the head of Ayder’s pediatrics unit, was also at the hospital that morning. The kind of man who was never late, and polite to a fault, Abraha was a natural at his job, able to calm sick children and anxious parents alike. With communications down, he’d brought along a handheld radio on his way to work. As his loafers crunched over Mekelle’s sandy streets, he listened to news of the conflict and wondered how long the fighting would last.

Like Saba and Hale, Abraha was astonished by the announcement of war. Recent disagreements between the TPLF in Tigray and federal authorities in Addis Ababa had seemed like political skirmishes, not the run-up to war. Though Tigrayans made up only 6 percent of the population, the TPLF led Ethiopia’s governing coalition from 1991 to 2018 and oversaw rapid national development. Under its rule, Ethiopia became the seat of the African Union, was home to a powerful military, and boasted one of the fastest-growing economies in the world. But the TPLF was also a brutal and repressive force that jailed journalists and political opponents. Prime Minister Abiy, who was not Tigrayan, came to power amid a wave of protests and had promised democratic reforms. It didn’t take him long to marginalize the group.

Abiy’s administration pushed the TPLF out of the country’s governing coalition and purged high-level Tigrayans from its military. The administration then postponed elections, thereby extending the prime minister’s first term of office. The government attributed the delay to COVID. The TPLF, which still held political sway in Tigray, saw the move as illegitimate and a possible step toward dictatorship. It decided to hold regional elections in September 2020 anyway, defying the national government. Abiy’s government declared the election in Tigray illegal and barred journalists from covering the vote.

What most Tigrayans didn’t know—what few people in the world knew—was that behind the scenes, Abiy was plotting all-out war. While the international community was busy feting the 2018 peace accord he’d negotiated with Eritrea’s authoritarian leader, Isais Afwerki, Abiy was quietly moving federal troops toward Tigray and into Eritrea. He met with Isais more than a dozen times, sometimes clandestinely, including at military installations. Apparently they discussed plans for war, including the use of Eritrean troops to bolster Ethiopia’s military efforts.

Tigray Special Forces didn’t deny attacking the military bases in the early hours of November 4, but they insisted that it was a matter of preemptive self-defense. While the incident may have been the spark that started the conflict, Abiy had been laying tinder at Tigray’s doorstep for at least two years. Within hours of the attack, the extent of his planning became evident: Abiy declared a state of emergency in Tigray and plunged the region into a banking and communications blackout. Transportation to and from the region was cut off. Civilians could no longer leave.

On November 5, the Ethiopian National Defense Force began dropping bombs in Tigray, advancing toward Mekelle from the south. Within a week, Eritrean soldiers entered the region from the north. The two military forces acted like a hammer and an anvil, crushing civilians trapped between them. Soon regional troops from Ethiopia’s Amhara state and soldiers from Somalia joined the war on the side of Abiy’s government.

If Abiy and his allies hoped that the conflict would be short-lived, ending in decisive victory, they were wrong. The war dragged on for two years, becoming one of the deadliest conflicts of the 21st century. The fact that many readers are likely unfamiliar with it is no accident; Abiy’s information blockade was one of the most effective in modern history. His government also used propaganda and exploited weaknesses in the international order to hide the truth about what was happening in Tigray, which included intentional starvation, mass detention, widespread rape, targeting of civilians, and ethnic cleansing.

It remains an open question whether Abiy’s government perpetrated a genocide against the Tigrayan people. Each person featured in this story, and others who helped make the reporting possible, risk imprisonment or assassination by providing evidence that could move the world closer to an answer.

Unlike most health facilities in the region, Ayder remained largely operational throughout the war.* Patients came from across northern Ethiopia seeking help. The stories collected by the hospital’s staff, as well as their personal experiences, lay bare the scope of the war.

* In March 2021, Doctors Without Borders reported that one in five Tigrayan health facilities visited by the organization in early 2021 were occupied by armed soldiers. Nearly 70 percent had been looted. “Health facilities in most areas appear to have been deliberately vandalized to render them non-functional,” the organization wrote.

Less than 24 hours passed before Abraha began to glimpse the war’s toll on children. Young patients with blast and shrapnel wounds began arriving in the pediatrics ward the from areas outside Mekelle. In time, so many children would pour into Ayder that Abraha wondered: Were soldiers targeting them?

Fifteen-year-old Desalegn Gebreselassie’s leg was badly injured in eastern Tigray in February 2021. He was one of the lucky few able to obtain treatment at Ayder. (Photo by Eduardo Soteras/AFP via Getty Images)

When he learned about the outbreak of the war, Mebrahtu Haftu came to the hospital to see if he could help. An energetic knot of a man and a perpetual volunteer, Mebrahtu worked as a nursing instructor at Mekelle University. That morning, his classes were put on hold because of the start of the war, and Mebrahtu spent the day pitching in where he could, checking patients’ vitals and cleaning wounds in the ER. His skills as a scrub nurse and his wide, welcoming smile helped people trust him.

When he learned that the hospital desperately needed blood, he signed up right away. Mebrahtu lay down in a bed in one of the emergency bays and extended his arm, flanked by a number of colleagues who’d also volunteered. On a bed across from him lay an injured federal soldier.

While Mebrahtu’s blood flowed from his arm, he had time to think. He regretted spending all his available cash the previous day on a cell phone, a gift for his wife. They were adding apps to the phone and playing with its features when suddenly service was cut. Now, without access to banking, Mebrahtu wondered how he’d pay for food and other necessities.

When he was finished with his donation, Mebrahtu held a cotton ball to his arm as a plump nurse tested the half-liter of blood. She determined that it was free of disease, then turned to the soldier. She hung the bag on an IV stand, then pierced the soldier’s arm with a syringe. Mebrahtu watched as the blood he’d just given, still warm, flowed down a plastic tube and into the wounded man.

Mebrahtu was grateful to be able to help. On the first day of the conflict, Ethiopian soldiers were not yet his enemy. 

Sounds

For weeks, violence blazed across the countryside. But outside Ayder, the inhabitants of Mekelle rarely saw it firsthand. They could only hear it. The war was in the hum of drones, possibly operated by the United Arab Emirates at the behest of the Ethiopian government, headed to pound the wider region with airstrikes. It was in the word-of-mouth reports that in the town of Humera, federal soldiers and Amhara militia had murdered civilians and dumped their bodies in the Tekeze River, and that in Zalambessa, corpses left in the streets were eaten by hyenas and dogs. Tigrayan fighters committed violence too, including a massacre of ethnic Amharans in the town of Mai Kadra. A massacre of Tigrayans in the city swiftly followed.

Yet in Mekelle, ghastly stories were just that—stories. The lack of reliable communication with the outside world meant that little could be confirmed. Residents went on with their lives as best they could. Neighbors congregated to drink coffee and smoke. The feeling on the street was that the war wouldn’t last.

Saba’s cash dwindled quickly. She found some silver jewelry her sister had given her and was able to sell it on the street for 400 birr (just under $12), which she spent on food. She passed the time reading George R.R. Martin’s fantasy novels, the Harry Potter saga, and books by Sebhat Gebre-Egziabher, a renowned Tigrayan author who wrote in Amharic. Most days she also studied at the hospital, which had a generator.

One day she ran into an acquaintance who told her that Tigrayans in Addis Ababa were being thrown in jail. Saba hadn’t been able to speak with her family since the day she left home. Could her father have been imprisoned like his best friend? Could something worse have happened? She burst into tears.

Saba wanted to go home, but leaving Tigray was nearly impossible. Those who attempted to flee the region were most often interrogated, arrested, and sent to prison. She, and most everyone else, was trapped.

A cousin of Saba’s who lived in Mekelle told her that he’d been able to watch a bit of news, and that he’d seen Saba’s father in the background during a government event in which several Tigrayans pledged loyalty to Abiy. Saba was sure that her father had no choice but to appear. She was told that he’d been forced to give money to the government—to “fund the genocide of his own family,” as she put it.

The safety of other family members remained uncertain, including that of her grandfather, who lived near the border with Eritrea. Knowing what often happened to women in war, his second wife and their daughters went to hide in nearby caves. His sons became Tigrayan soldiers. But Saba’s grandfather refused to leave his home, even as Eritrean soldiers advanced toward it.

“We are the sons of Eritrea,” the letter read. “We are brave. And we will continue, even now. We will make the Tigrayan womb bear no fruits.”

Abraha couldn’t ignore what he was seeing. So many kids were appearing at the hospital with gunshot wounds that it couldn’t be accidental. He began a comprehensive study he believed might show that soldiers were deliberately attacking children. He documented more than 200 cases of kids hit by bullets, shells, and bombs. Others had touched live ordnance that seemed purposefully placed to attract curiosity. Some of his patients had been mutilated, others rendered blind or deaf. Perversely, the children Abraha saw were the lucky ones; at Ayder they at least had a chance at survival.

With his classes still suspended, Mebrahtu worked as a scrub nurse, preparing materials for the OR and handing across the instruments when the doctor called out “scalpel.” One man he tended to had been shot in the face twice. The first bullet grazed his cheekbone and tore through his skin. Strangely, the same thing happened on the other side of his face. Perhaps the luckiest survivor of the war, the man received symmetrical scars instead of a casket.

Other injuries were more horrific. The case of one child caused Mebrahtu to vomit at work for the first time in his career. The boy weighed only a few pounds and arrived at the hospital with a piece of shrapnel lodged in his chest. He bled to death in Mebrahtu’s arms.

Hale’s patients had also changed. Women who traveled long distances to get help at Ayder reported shocking sexual assaults. Survivors of gang rape by soldiers staggered into the facility nearly catatonic. One of the resident physicians in Hale’s department pulled a letter from a woman’s vagina, where it had been forced by her attackers. “We are the sons of Eritrea,” it read. “We are brave. And we will continue, even now. We will make the Tigrayan womb bear no fruits.”

Hale documented some of the most harrowing cases he saw, including that of a woman who arrived in the maternity ward wearing clothes stained in blood. She told Hale that she’d gone into labor a week before. Because soldiers arrived in the village where she lived, she decided that a home birth might be safer. She labored for four days, but the baby wouldn’t come. Finally, her family took her to a local clinic but found it empty, the staff having fled for their lives. The woman then went to a small hospital, but Ethiopian and Eritrean soldiers had requisitioned it as barracks, in defiance of international law. They chased the woman and her family away.

The woman’s family took her to another clinic, but it was ill-equipped for difficult births. The baby was breech, and when the staff attempted to deliver it with forceps, they decapitated it. The head remained inside the mother’s body. As she bled profusely, the staff told her that she would have to go to Ayder.

Her family began the long journey on foot, carrying her on a stretcher made of cloth and sticks. Outside Mekelle, they ran into a checkpoint manned by federal soldiers. The troops broke the stretcher into pieces, beat the family, and turned everyone away except the woman. Alone and bleeding, she crawled on her hands and knees toward the city, until a stranger in a car picked her up and transported her to Ayder.

When Hale examined her, the woman barely had a pulse. Her blood pressure was so low that nurses couldn’t get a reading. Hale performed surgery and managed to save the woman but not her uterus, which had ruptured. She would never again bear a child. “Many women have sustained similar atrocities,” Hale said.

Hale had long believed that people were inherently good and that the world tended toward progress. But as more and more civilians assailed by war arrived at Ayder, he lost faith in his fellow man. In more optimistic moments, Hale clung to a sliver of hope. If individuals couldn’t stop this, surely institutions would. Once word about what was happening in Tigray reached the wider world, the international community would respond. Powerful countries would step in and demand that the atrocities stop. Abiy’s government would be forced to yield.

Nine-year-old Arsema Berha lost her hand when her village in southern Tigray was shelled. (Photo by Eduardo Soteras/AFP via Getty Images)

Day by day, the war inched closer to Mekelle. On November 22, a colonel in the Ethiopian military urged residents to surrender—soon the city would be surrounded, blitzed, and then captured. “There will be no mercy,” he said on state-run television, to those able to access it. Civilians were told to shelter in place. Abraha soon moved his family outside the city, into the home of a friend. He hoped it would be safer than the heart of Mekelle. But the war would find him anyway.

Abraha had grown up in the town of Idaga Hamus. His father was a teff and sorghum farmer, and part of their land had been allotted by the government for a new health center when Abraha was still a boy. The facility was called St. Hannah’s, and watching its staff treat children made Abraha realize that he wanted to be a pediatrician.

His parents’ home stood near a main road. Two weeks into the war, the family began to hear shelling and gunfire. One morning, Abraha’s father saw movement outside and went to investigate. Almost immediately, Eritrean soldiers began shooting, forcing Abraha’s father to shelter in another building. His wife quickly took her daughters and grandchildren to hide with a nearby relative. When she returned later that day, she found Eritrean soldiers holding captive two of her sons who had stayed behind. The soldiers beat the sons and threatened to kill them. They confined the family to a single room.

Soon the family’s hay storage, intended to keep their farm animals alive during the dry season, was in flames. Abraha’s father saw the blaze from his hiding place. Was the family’s home burning? It was risky to go outside, but he went anyway.

On the fifth day, the soldiers finally allowed residents out of their homes. It was then that Abraha’s brothers found their father shot dead 20 yards from their home. His was one of dozens of bodies that lay scattered around the city. The soldiers warned that anyone found crying or mourning would be killed, so the family asked a more distant relative to collect the body and bury it at a church. There would be no funeral.

Many of the family’s neighbors fled to a nearby town called Dengelat, where they hoped they’d be safe. But nine days later, on one of the holiest days in the Ethiopian Orthodox calendar, the Feast of St. Mary of Zion, Eritrean soldiers arrived. They went house to house, bound the hands of men, women, and children, and shot them. Among the dead were more than 20 teenagers who sang in church.

Only days later, several of Abraha’s cousins, as well as one of his mother’s cousins and her son, were executed near the Goda Bottle and Glass Factory. Then his grandfather died of an illness—the war had prevented him from traveling to a clinic or hospital for treatment.

In the span of five weeks, Abraha lost at least seven family members, and many neighbors and acquaintances. When he learned of their deaths at his sister’s house in Mekelle, his thoughts turned hazy. The only clarity that pierced his shock and grief was that he needed to keep working. He had to try to save as many people as he could.

Mebrahtu spent the night huddled with his wife and daughter, praying. “Please save my family. Please. Not today. It shouldn’t be today.”

On November 26, Mebrahtu ate a breakfast of spiced and fried injera, a flatbread, at home with his wife and daughter. They lived in a simple house with a corrugated steel roof. His daughter was too young to really understand the war, and she didn’t ask many questions. Sometimes distant shelling made her laugh. But this morning was different. Explosions were getting closer, more frequent, more threatening. Mebrahtu and his wife tried not to show fear in front of their daughter, lest it become contagious, and they sat to eat as normal. They could hear their dog, Buchi, barking outside. Then all the windows of the house blew in.

Mebrahtu found himself on the kitchen floor covered in glass. He searched for his wife and child and found them also on the ground, unharmed. Outside, in front of his mother-in-law’s home, there was a cloud of ash and a crater the size of a truck. Mebrahtu couldn’t understand why they had been hit. They didn’t live anywhere near government or military structures. The dog had stopped barking, and Mebrahtu feared that the shell had landed on it.

Mebrahtu and his wife quickly pulled her mother from her collapsed home. Thankfully the dog reappeared. Together they took shelter in the basement of a nearby concrete building. Mebrahtu watched as cars raced through the streets, many heading out of town. He suspected that members of the TPLF were escaping, and he was correct. They fled Mekelle hoping that if federal troops knew they were gone, the assault on the city would cease.

At dark, Mebrahtu’s family returned to their windowless house. Mebrahtu spent the night huddled with his wife and daughter, praying. “Please save my family. Please. Not today. It shouldn’t be today.” He also hatched a plan. He had been building a new house for his family in another neighborhood three or four miles away. The house was stronger than their current one. If they could get there, maybe they would be safe.

In the morning, the family heard nearby small-arms fire. They joined thousands of residents in the streets, trying to escape the encroaching violence. Mebrahtu and his family had nearly reached their new house when a bus appeared ahead of them, traveling quickly. It was followed by another, then another, maybe a dozen in all. They were full of armed soldiers.

Mebrahtu held his daughter as the buses sped toward them. He realized that, as a Tigrayan man of fighting age, he might be perceived as a threat and shot on the spot. What if his daughter was hit, too? He couldn’t fathom another child dying in his arms, much less his own. So he abruptly let go of his daughter and dropped her to the pavement. He braced for the bullets as she began to cry. But he couldn’t bear to hear her screams, even if soothing her might mean her death. As the buses rushed past, Mebrahtu fell to his knees and hugged his crying daughter. Dust whipped up around them in the trucks’ wake. Mebrahtu closed his eyes tight. Once again he prayed. The bullets never came.

Medical staff treat a young patient at Ayder. (Photo by Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP via Getty Images)

Hale refused to leave his home as attacks intensified across Mekelle. His wife and child had departed for a friend’s residence with a basement where they could hide. Not Hale. He’d been able to choose most everything in his life. Now he would choose where it would end. “Let me die here,” he told his wife before she fled.

Hale waited for soldiers to knock on his door. For a long time he sat in his bedroom, drinking beer and feeling surly. He returned again and again to his copy of Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, by Immaculée Ilibagiza. “There were many voices, many killers,” Ilibagiza writes. “I could see them in my mind: my former friends and neighbors, who had always greeted me with love and kindness, moving through the house carrying spears and machetes and calling my name.”

When Hale read that génocidaires in Rwanda had split open the head of a Tutsi with a master’s degree simply to see what his brain looked like, Hale wondered: Could this be my fate?

In time he ventured to the rest of the house. He prayed for his wife and child, but not for himself. For hours on end he read and prayed, paced and drank, listening to bombs fall outside his home, to the deathly rattle of machine guns, to the diesel-fuel roar of tanks. When would the soldiers knock? He pined for his wife. It was hell not being able to speak to her.

By November 28, after days of shelling, the Ethiopian military gained full control of the city. By evening, Abiy announced the end of the military confrontation in Tigray. “Our focus now will be on rebuilding the region and providing humanitarian assistance while federal police apprehend the TPLF clique,” he wrote on Twitter. From hiding, TPLF chair Debretsion Gebremichel insisted that armed resistance would continue. “As long as they are on our land, we’ll fight to the last,” he told the international press. Gebremichel would soon call the government’s campaign in Tigray “genocidal.”

The mass killings that had taken place elsewhere didn’t come to pass in Mekelle. Instead, the city settled into the new, tense normalcy of occupation. Abiy’s administration hastily installed an interim puppet government to oversee Tigray. It instituted a curfew of 6 p.m., no exceptions, even for medical emergencies. Spotty electricity and cell service soon returned in Mekelle, although it remained suspended elsewhere.

Hale’s wife came back home with their child, and as they reunited, Hale heard a surprising noise. Someone was using the sound system at a nearby mosque, which usually broadcast calls to prayer, to announce that Ayder was being ransacked. The call snapped Hale out of his despair. Although he was loath to part from his wife and child a second time, he left for the hospital.

During his furtive walk along a path he’d once trod daily without a thought, he saw that the citizens of Mekelle had been busy. Overnight, despite relentless shelling, they’d piled stones in the streets to prevent Eritrean soldiers from looting the hospital. When Hale arrived at Ayder, he found a group of colleagues and local residents hastily erecting a barricade in front of the main entrance. With his delicate surgeon’s hands, Hale picked up a stone and began to build.

Occupation

Mebrahtu also responded to the mosque’s call to aid the hospital. When he arrived, he found soldiers beating the civilians who were erecting the barricade. A soldier fired his rifle and the crowd scattered. Mebrahtu saw a man he knew, the owner of a local butcher shop, bleeding on the ground. The man would die three days later in the very hospital he was attempting to protect.

Despite their efforts, Ayder’s staff and their supporters couldn’t keep the troops at bay. Once soldiers secured the grounds, they laid a Tigrayan flag and military uniforms on the threshold of the main entrance. Anyone who wanted to go inside would have to step on these. Mebrahtu and Hale refused to trample on the symbols of Tigrayan pride. “Before the war, I had no attachment to the flag,” Mebrahtu said. Now he felt that it represented his very being.

A surgeon approached the soldiers and said that they could kill him if they wished, then bent down and carefully collected the flag and uniforms. Onlookers waited for the troops to fire their Kalashnikovs. Instead they relented. Staff were able to enter the hospital without enduring ritual humiliation.

The troops didn’t leave, however. They allowed Ayder to remain functional only under constant surveillance. Soldiers were stationed at the hospital around the clock, operating out of tents set up in the courtyard. Twice they assaulted the hospital’s director. The first time, when he went to a satellite facility run by Ayder to retrieve medical equipment, they beat him, called him a thief, and threatened him with death. The second time they pulled him from his office and assaulted him in a hallway.

Intimidation and beatings were just two of the ugly realities of occupation. Lies were another. On November 30, Abiy declared that federal troops had not killed a single civilian in Tigray. The staff of Ayder knew the truth. Victims of the war died on their operating tables and in their arms. Doctors and nurses lost members of their own families. At least one hospital employee, a midwife, was executed after fleeing the city.

Only two days before Abiy’s announcement, in the holy city of Axum, Eritrean forces shot as many as 800 Tigrayans—including children as young as 13—in the shadow of the Church of St. Mary of Zion. Ethiopian Orthodox Christians believe that the church’s chapel holds the Ark of the Covenant, said to contain the stone tablets, given to Moses by God, bearing the Ten Commandments. Those divine orders include “Thou shalt not kill.”

He hoped that a record of what doctors and nurses witnessed would help write the history of the war—the true version, not the government’s.

Abraha considered leaving his job and joining a volunteer Tigrayan army that was forming under TPLF leadership. Called the Tigray Defense Force (TDF), it was composed of men and women from all areas of society: farmers, professors, students, journalists, even the former president of Mekelle University. The TDF trained in the hills of central Tigray, where for centuries their ancestors had repelled invaders. They were taught to march, ambush, and disappear into the brush. To pull the bolt, shoulder the stock, and aim for body mass.

Abraha wasn’t a fighter by nature. His soft hands were more comfortable cradling babies than gripping deadly steel. But like many Tigrayans, he sensed an existential threat. “They were mercilessly killing people,” Abraha said of the military forces allied under Abiy. “[Pediatrics] was filled with war-injured children.” Perhaps picking up arms was the only answer.

What ultimately compelled Abraha against joining the TDF was the government allowing him and others from the hospital to set up medical services in the vast encampments around Mekelle. In early January 2021, the United Nations reported that there were more than 222,000 internally displaced people (IDP) in Tigray, most living in camps sprouting like mushrooms on the outskirts of cities and towns.*

*An additional 56,000 people fled Ethiopia entirely. Many became refugees in neighboring Sudan.

Between Ayder and the camps, Abraha worked every minute he could manage. He supervised younger staff. He ran clinical seminars. He taught volunteers how to provide basic care. He helped colleagues coordinate documentation of patients’ injuries and testimonies. He hoped that a record of what doctors and nurses witnessed would help write the history of the war—the true version, not the government’s.

Abiy’s administration continued to lie—to its own people and to the world. In violation of an agreement it reached in December with the UN to allow “unimpeded, sustained and secure access” for humanitarian aid, the government limited the flow of essential resources into Tigray. Leaked notes from a January meeting of the state-run Tigray Emergency Coordination Center quoted an interim government official saying that the need for food in the region was so great that “hundreds of thousands might starve to death.” The notes also described people in the town of Adwa, northwest of Mekelle, “dying while they are sleeping” from hunger. Yet on January 19, a government representative declared to the world, “There is no starvation in Ethiopia.”

Soon after, U.S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken called on Eritrea to immediately withdraw troops from Tigray. Abiy’s government had previously denied the foreign forces’ presence and would continue to do so for several weeks. It also rejected accusations of ethnic cleansing, referring to its actions in Tigray as a “law enforcement operation” that had now concluded.

For outsiders facts were hard to ascertain. Communications in Tigray were still obstructed, and journalists were harassed, detained, and barred from the territory. It would be more than a year before international human rights groups were able to prove an organized campaign of ethnic cleansing to erase Tigrayans from their own land.* But there were at least two atrocities documented in real time, in the form of videos that wound up online.

*In 2022, Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International reported that, in the earliest weeks of the conflict, newly appointed Amharan officials in western Tigray “openly discussed such plans during public town meetings. Signs were displayed demanding that Tigrayans depart, and pamphlets distributed issuing Tigrayans a 24-hour or 72-hour ultimatum to leave or be killed.”

The first happened near the Debre Abbay monastery in central Tigray, likely in the initial week of January 2021. Footage captured at the scene shows dozens of bodies strewn on the dusty earth, apparently massacred by Ethiopian soldiers. “You should have finished off the survivors,” the person behind the camera says. Then, on January 15, federal soldiers filmed one another executing civilians in the city of Mahbere Dego and pushing their bodies from a cliff.

For many people concerned about the conflict, and even some caught in the middle of it, the videos provided the first glimpses of what was happening across Tigray. In Mekelle, residents with restored service watched in horror as mass murder unfolded on their screens, perpetrated by men in the same uniforms as the soldiers now patrolling the city’s streets.

A young survivor of a massacre at the Togoga market. (Photo by Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP via Getty Images)

By early 2021, Mebrahtu had thrown himself into supporting Ayder’s One Stop Center, an innovative clinic that opened a year prior specializing in care for sexual assault survivors. In a small building separate from the main hospital, patients could receive physical exams, mental health counseling, and referrals to legal services without fear of being seen or stigmatized by the general population. Before the conflict erupted, the facility had seen about twenty patients per month. Now it was seeing that many every day.

Still, Mebrahtu knew that the presence of troops in Mekelle stopped many people who were in need from coming to the hospital. They were too scared, especially women who said they’d been raped by soldiers. Mebrahtu began providing physical exams in his own home and at the homes of patients. The first patient he saw in this manner, referred to him by his wife, was a deeply religious woman who would tell no one what had happened to her. When Mebrahtu performed a pelvic exam in her aunt’s house, he observed that her vulva was inflamed and laced with tears. He then pulled four used condoms from inside her vagina. He could tell there was another one too deep to remove with his hands. He went to Ayder to retrieve a speculum. After he pulled the fifth condom from the woman, he wept.

Mebrahtu left the woman with medication to help prevent pregnancy and the contraction of HIV. He wanted to see her again to record her story. What had been done to her seemed as if it went beyond grotesque sexual gratification. It signaled both hatred and a desire to humiliate. Mebrahtu was shaken.

A few days after treating the woman, he returned with a tape recorder, but she had disappeared. She showed up on Mebrahtu’s doorstep a few weeks later. She said that she was experiencing vaginal discharge and was worried that an object was still inside her. Mebrahtu examined her again and found only an infection. Because she wouldn’t go to the One Stop Center, he again brought her medication. He asked if she would tell him what happened. She agreed.

Over the course of three interviews, which Mebrahtu recorded, the woman said that she came from a small town where Ethiopian and Eritrean troops had burned crops and looted factories. To support her family, she decided to go to Mekelle, hoping to get a job as a domestic servant or selling wares on the street. On her way to the city, Ethiopian soldiers stopped her bus at a military checkpoint. The passengers were searched. The soldiers singled out six women and told them to stay. The bus left without them.

That evening, after the checkpoint was closed because of the region-wide curfew, the troops moved the women to a primary school being used as barracks. The commander told the women, seated at students’ desks, that they should cooperate. “If you do this, your life is going to be easy and you’ll be released soon,” he said. Next to him, set prominently on a school desk, was a pack of condoms.

The commander told the women that, if they agreed to have sex with his soldiers, the men would use the condoms. Afterward the women could go free. Five women took the deal, such as it was. But the woman Mebrahtu provided care to refused. She was a devout Christian. She had never had sex before.

The other women were taken away by soldiers. When the men were finished, the commander collected the condoms they’d used and laid them out on a desk in front of the sixth woman. He beat her and raped her without using protection. He then told two soldiers to hold her legs open and forced the used condoms inside her.

The woman was released the next day. Delirious and bleeding, she managed to make her way to Mekelle, where she hid herself away in shame. She ventured out to a church, hoping to be cleansed by a holy water treatment—a folk tradition—but felt no better. How could she ever return home? she asked Mebrahtu. How could she face her family, her boyfriend?

Hers was just one of numerous cases of horrific assault that staff at Ayder saw as the federal troops’ occupation of Mekelle stretched into weeks, then months. One woman arrived at the hospital with her vagina filled with wood splinters—forced there, she said, by a soldier who then put his sock inside her to hinder removal. Another woman reported that she’d been tied to a tree and raped by dozens of soldiers in front of her son, who was then killed in front of her eyes. The soldiers raped her again, she said, while forcing her to look at his corpse. Ayder treated women and girls who told him that they were assaulted in front of their parents, raped by family members whom soldiers threatened with death if they didn’t follow orders, and kept in sexual slavery, moved from location to location to service Ethiopian and Eritrean soldiers.

All this violence felt too similar to be a coincidence. To Mebrahtu, it seemed intended to break the spirit of the Tigrayan people, to destroy their culture, to prevent them from bearing future children. He began to believe that the sexual violence perpetrated in Tigray was systematic, directed from above, and genocidal.* 

*According to Article 2 of the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide, an international treaty, genocide refers to acts “committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial, or religious group,” including “deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part” and “imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group.” 

He thought of his wife, who he’d only recently learned was pregnant with their second child, a daughter. He feared for her health. She’d needed a C-section to deliver their first, and the next birth was likely to be complicated as well. What if she couldn’t get the care she needed? What if she went into labor after curfew, only to be shot in the street on the way to Ayder? As for his unborn daughter, Mebrahtu feared for her future.

Saba treated a 16-year-old boy whose hands had been blown off by a shell fired from a military tank. He was also blinded in the attack, which killed his siblings.

It was a feeling Saba knew well. After federal troops occupied Mekelle, she was able to depart for Addis Ababa to see her family, but not without incident. When her bus was stopped at a military checkpoint, both the passengers and the driver were taken to a police station. Besides the driver, Saba was the only Tigrayan. Soon the soldiers were calling the driver a terrorist and beat him in front of the group of students, first with their fists, then with the butts of their rifles. One soldier raised his weapon to shoot the man but was stopped by another.

Saba was paralyzed with fear. A friend from medical school also on the bus took Saba by the arm and led her to the back of the group. Quietly, he told her to hide her government ID, which listed her as Tigrayan. If the soldiers asked for identification, she should show them her student card instead, since it made no mention of her ethnicity. Eventually, the bus’s passengers were allowed through the checkpoint. The driver was not. He was sent back to Tigray and the students found another ride to Addis Ababa. Saba made the rest of the trip in silence. It was the first time in her life she’d ever felt Tigrayan.

At home, Saba found her mother sick with worry and visibly aged. Saba was sure it was because she hadn’t been able to speak with her eldest daughter in weeks as she languished in a war zone. Her father, by contrast, seemed angry. “How could you leave Mekelle with what is happening?” he asked Saba, accusing her of abandoning her ancestral home. She thought, How could you not tell your children how much they hated us?

Saba’s father never spoke with her about the loyalty ceremony he’d participated in on TV. He did tell her that he helped get his best friend out of jail. The friend would later sell his assets and immigrate to the United States.

Saba, too, tried to find a way out, and sought placement in a different medical school. Nothing was available, and final exams were only months away. She made the difficult decision to return to Mekelle, hoping to finish out her education if the government allowed classes to continue. In a few months, perhaps, she could leave Tigray for good.

Though she’d only been gone a matter of weeks, Saba found Mekelle changed when she returned. Assisting staff at the hospital—taking vitals, dressing wounds—she treated a 16-year-old boy whose hands had been blown off by a shell fired from a military tank. He was also blinded in the attack, which killed his siblings.

Walking home from Ayder, Saba felt the eyes of leering soldiers on her. She heard that troops stationed at the hospital had raped two female medical students in the same bank of classrooms where she studied. Between that incident and the rape survivors being treated at the hospital, Saba believed it was only a matter of time before she, too, became a victim of sexual violence.*

*One study in the region found that nearly 30 percent of women under 50 experienced physical violence and 8 percent were raped. An NGO called Hiwyet (“healing” in the Tigrinya language) collected nearly 5,000 testimonies from rape survivors and estimated that 15 percent of them had contracted HIV as a result of their assault.

“There’s just nothing you can do about it,” she said. “If it’s going to happen, I guess it’s going to happen.”

A scene from Ayder in June 2021. (Photo by Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP via Getty Images)

In March 2021, five months into the conflict, the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights announced an investigation into possible humanitarian violations in Tigray. The inquiry was discredited from the beginning in the eyes of Tigrayans and some international advocates, because the OHCHR had partnered with the Ethiopian Human Rights Commission (EHRC), a federal body. It felt like allowing the fox to help investigate the chicken coop. More formally, the partnership was an example of what experts in international affairs refer to as quasi-compliance: token actions taken by governments to placate human rights concerns while circumventing serious scrutiny.

Hoping to further burnish its international image, the Ethiopian government hired Holland and Knight and the lobbying firm Venable, both based in the U.S., at a cost of more than $80,000 per month. It also leaned on international agencies to do its bidding. It compelled the World Health Organization (WHO) to redact a report, published in April 2021, about the lack of functional health facilities in Tigray.

“This episode does not stand on its own,” the Geneva-based Humanitarian Exchange and Research Center later stated in an audit of the international response to the war. “When the authorities did not agree with the data collected, humanitarian actors were instructed to use different figures and/or to use beneficiary lists that they could not verify.” As it happened, the WHO’s director general, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, was Tigrayan. He had formerly served as Ethiopia’s national health minister. 

One voice of urgency on the international stage was Mark Lowcock, chief humanitarian officer with the United Nations. As the joint OHCHR-EHRC investigation commenced, Lowcock told the UN Security Council that time was of the essence. “To be very clear: The conflict is not over and things are not improving,” he declared in a closed-door meeting, according to Reuters. “Sexual violence is being used as a weapon of war,” he said. “Girls as young as eight are being targeted.”

In a memo for the Security Council obtained by Agence France-Presse, Lowcock described reports of mass killings and the continued presence of Eritrean troops in Tigray. He spoke of widespread hunger caused by crop destruction, looting and killing of livestock, and insufficient humanitarian aid being allowed into the region. It seemed as if the Ethiopian government were trying to starve out the Tigrayan resistance while also devastating the civilian population. Ethiopia’s ambassador to the UN responded to Lowcock’s comments by calling him “a nemesis” and insisting that there was “no gap in humanitarian access.”

By June 2021, the UN estimated that more than 90 percent of people in Tigray needed emergency food aid, yet it stopped short of calling what was happening a famine. Lowcock, who left his role that month, later claimed, “It was clear to me that there was famine in Tigray, and the only reason it wasn’t declared was because the Ethiopian authorities were quite effective in slowing down the whole declaration system.”*

*Famine declarations are typically made jointly by various United Nations agencies in coordination with the affected country’s government, and only when certain conditions are met. The process can be highly politicized—for instance, when a government is keen to avoid responsibility for the starvation of its own people.

Alongside children injured by guns and bombs, Abraha saw evidence of famine every day in Ayder’s pediatrics ward. When EHRC investigators came to the hospital, he took one member of the team to meet the recovering children. Abraha estimated that more than 80 percent of his patients had been injured by gunshots, land mines, and shelling. He introduced the investigator to children so malnourished they had bone fractures that wouldn’t heal and infections their immune systems couldn’t fight. The patients who were old enough to describe their experiences told their stories.

Abraha didn’t trust the investigators to tell the truth about what they’d seen. He found it hard to have confidence in any outside actor purporting to do the right thing in Tigray. Too many international agencies and NGOs were relying on the Ethiopian government for access and information. To Abraha, many of these bodies seemed to be in league with Abiy’s administration. He felt betrayed by the very organizations that were supposed to help people like his patients.

In a closed-door meeting, Ethiopian leaders told a European envoy “they are going to wipe out the Tigrayans for a hundred years.”

If there was cause for optimism among Tigrayans, it was that the TDF had been growing in strength and sophistication in recent months. It attacked supply lines, then vanished into the hills its soldiers knew so well. It accumulated resources and soldiers. Sensing that its position was weakening, the Ethiopian military dug trenches around Mekelle and launched fresh offensives.

Hale spent hours searching social media for news about the war. He was stunned at how little attention it was getting on the international stage. Unlike the war in Ukraine, it seemed to have barely made a dent in the public consciousness. Abiy’s information blockade was working, it seemed. But to Hale, it also felt like people around the world didn’t really care about Africans fighting Africans—not even when a European envoy announced that, in a closed-door meeting, Ethiopian leaders had told him “they are going to wipe out the Tigrayans for a hundred years.” (Abiy’s government called this claim “ludicrous,” a “hallucination of sorts.”) Hale also heard members of the government openly refer to the TPLF—and by extension all Tigrayans, according to some experts—using dehumanizing language like “weeds,” “cancer,” “rats,” and “worse than the devil.”

Amid warning signs of serious breaches of international law, the U.S. authorized limited sanctions and visa restrictions on Ethiopian government officials and members of the TPLF—but only actually issued sanctions against six Eritrean entities. The U.S. also removed Ethiopia from a trade-preference program and imposed a national ban on arms sales. Broader international sanctions—like the arms embargo imposed by the UN Security Council on Ethiopia and Eritrea in 2000—never materialized. Weapons flowed to the Ethiopian government from the UAE, Iran, Turkey, and China. Controversially, the EU would announce no sanctions at all during the war, only delaying a 90 million euro direct governmental aid package.

One rare event that did catch the attention of western journalists was a massacre in Togoga, a town 16 miles from Mekelle. On June 21, 2021, Abiy’s Prosperity Party won a landslide victory in national elections that the U.S. State Department described as “not free or fair.” (Polls were not opened in Tigray at all.) The next day, a Tuesday, was market day in Togoga. Once a week people from the surrounding areas came to sell vegetables and clothes, shine shoes, and trade animals.

The Ethiopian air force bombed the market around 11 a.m., its busiest hour, killing at least 64 people and wounding 180. Many of them were women and children. The youngest casualty was only a year old. The federal government insisted that only TDF targets had been hit.

Staff from Ayder who rushed to Togoga to offer medical aid reported being blocked from the city by federal soldiers. Two ambulances that made it to the market via a back road were later barred from returning to Mekelle with a number of the most critically injured. It took more than 24 hours for a handful of wounded, including three children, to be transported to Ayder for treatment.

Saba watched in horror as footage from Togoga appeared on social media. She saw photo after photo of bloody bodies that had been crumpled and twisted only a short drive from her apartment. She figured that if Abiy’s government would bomb a market, it would bomb anything—maybe even Ayder.

Less than a week after the Togoga attack, the TDF launched a surprise offensive to retake Mekelle. Despite fielding fewer troops, the TDF forced its opponents to retreat in a matter of hours, astonishing government officials and the international community. In a response that seemed intended to save face, Abiy’s administration declared a unilateral ceasefire.

Saba was studying at home when a friend visited to tell her the news. Scared of reprisal bombings by the government, she hid inside her apartment for two days. When she finally emerged into the streets, she witnessed jubilation. The city’s residents welcomed the TDF soldiers as heroes. There were fireworks, cheering, music and dancing. Bystanders jeered as captured federal soldiers were paraded through the city, bound for detention centers.

During the respite from fighting, Mebrahtu’s wife gave birth to a healthy daughter at Ayder. The couple named her Alina. The name sounded cosmopolitan, and they hoped it would come to represent the freedom she’d eventually have to go wherever she wanted, to be whoever she wanted. The name also had a secondary meaning. It sounds like Tigrinya for “we remove them.”

If the TDF victory was celebrated in Mekelle, many in Addis Ababa knew that it heralded retribution. In a matter of days, the Ethiopian government launched a campaign of mass arrests of Tigrayans in the capital and elsewhere in Ethiopia. People were apprehended based solely on their ethnicity. One detainee told Amnesty International that officers entered the snooker hall he owned. “They began to harass and beat customers and employees and demanded to see their identity documents, before taking five people, all ethnic Tigrayans, to the nearby … police station,” the organization reported. The man later learned that his brother had been arrested and taken to a detention facility 150 miles away.

Despite expulsion of the military, residents of Mekelle soon felt the federal government’s grip tighten around them, too. Abiy again cut off electricity, cellular and internet service, banking, and transportation to and from Tigray. Saba’s call with her family after the TDF’s victory was the last time she spoke with them for more than six months.

Salaries for public workers were also discontinued. Whatever was required of Ayder’s staff, they wouldn’t receive a cent.

Siege

The arrests in Addis Ababa continued, soon numbering in the thousands. The government made vague claims of detainees’ “support for terrorism” to justify its actions. Speaking Tigrinya was reason enough for law enforcement to arrest a person. Businesses were shut down for playing Tigrayan music. Sometimes the police went house to house looking for Tigrayans. Some people were hidden by friends. Others escaped abroad. Journalists were harassed and arrested. After Lucy Kassa reported on a gang rape in Tigray for the Los Angeles Times, unidentified men came to her house, knocked her to the floor, and ransacked her belongings.

The TDF’s triumph in Mekelle also translated into increased suffering across Tigray as the federal government escalated its obstruction of humanitarian assistance into an outright blockade. In early July, the acting UN aid chief said that “more than 400,000 people are estimated to have crossed the threshold into famine, and another 1.8 million people are on the brink of famine.” Later that month, the UN’s World Food Program (WFP) announced that it was on the verge of running out of food for its operations in the region. Still, the UN stopped short of declaring famine in Tigray. It never would.

The WFP estimated that it would need 100 trucks of aid delivered each day to “meet the vast humanitarian needs in the region.” But few trucks were getting in. At one point, some 170 were “stuck” at Tigray’s border with Afar, one of Ethiopia’s regional states. Another truck was attacked, likely by federal troops or their allies, while trying to enter Tigray. In September, the WFP reported that more than 400 trucks sent to Tigray never returned—although the cause was unclear. A government Twitter account blamed the missing trucks on the TPLF. The group denied responsibility and blamed fuel shortages and federal military harassment.

Ayder was seeing more patients than at any time in its history, so many that the hospital was overrun. Each day brought a terrible procession of pain and misery, and those seeking care sat or lay down wherever they could—in hallways, in the courtyard, outside the hospital’s doors. Without aid deliveries, and with medicine dwindling, the crisis had become catastrophic.

In a first for the hospital, doctors were forced to administer expired medications. The only other option in many cases was death. Medical tubing intended for single use was washed and utilized again. Staff had to make difficult decisions about which patients needed antibiotics, insulin, and oxygen. The hospital’s CT and MRI machines needed repairs, but the blockade made it impossible to obtain parts. Hale and the other surgeons were forced to operate on patients based solely on clinical examinations.

Hale was limited in what he could do in the face of so much suffering. He found that approximately three-quarters of the pregnant women he treated were malnourished. Some had gained no weight during pregnancy. Others had lost weight, leaving their faces sunken and their limbs skeletal. What nutrition these women were able to obtain was being siphoned off by the babies growing in their bellies, babies nonetheless born with congenital defects associated with their mothers’ starvation.

Ayder’s staff was hungry, too. “We were trained to treat patients,” Hale said. “But malnutrition came to our homes.” For the first two months of the government’s siege of Tigray, Ayder occasionally provided employees with 22 pounds of wheat and about two pints of cooking oil. Hale set aside his pride and accepted the charity. He did the same when his father brought him a sack of teff from his farm.

Once certain that the international community would step in to help Tigray, Hale’s confidence in the international order slipped away. Where were the powerful nations that spoke soaringly of human rights, that pledged “never again,” that boasted of their dedication to aiding the world? Why had no one forced Abiy to stop killing his own people?

“Having seen what I have seen happening to innocent mothers who have no agency in this war, who paid the steepest price, including losing their fertility potential, losing their kids, losing their dignity, being raped in front of their husbands,” Hale said, “the only hope we have is that God is up there.”

So many children were treated at Ayder that the head of pediatrics wondered if they were being targeted by government forces. (Photo by Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP via Getty Images)

The TDF didn’t stop its military efforts after retaking Mekelle. Troops loyal to Abiy’s government were still occupying parts of the wider Tigray region, and soon the TDF pushed most of these forces beyond the state’s borders. Still, Tigray was surrounded and its people were starving. The TDF needed to break the siege. It plotted an offensive that would drive south toward Addis Ababa.

In mid-July, the TDF entered the Afar region. Soon it was in Amhara too, where it took Lalibela, a historic city famous for subterranean rock-hewn churches. The TDF fought toward the capital, capturing city after city along the way. Civilians suffered: Sixteen women in the Amharan town of Nifas Mewcha told Amnesty International that they were raped by TDF fighters. In the municipalities of Chenna and Kobo, the TDF killed dozens of residents. There were also reports of Tigrayan fighters looting limited food stores in some towns.

Abiy responded to the offensive by pummeling Tigray with air strikes. The bombings seemed to have little objective other than inflicting terror. Even Mekelle University was attacked. Still, at night Saba studied by flashlight as bombs fell on the city. Amid the ceaseless carnage and starvation, Ayder was desperate for more certified doctors. With the TDF firmly in control of Mekelle, Saba was able to take her final exams. Normally, grades were posted online, but with the internet gone the results were tacked up on a board in a hallway. She passed with a B average.

There would be no celebratory dinner, no handshake, no one to tell her they were proud of her. With phone service discontinued, Saba couldn’t even share the good news with her parents. To celebrate she bought herself a bag of potato chips. She considered it a luxury.

Soon after, she was offered a rare chance to leave Tigray when the government agreed to allow students to exit the region by bus. Staying would mean embarking on her medical internship without pay or even reliable access to food. It would mean psychological torment and intimate physical danger. Leaving would mean finding out what had become of her family. Assuming they were safe, she might be able to live in comparative luxury, with access to the internet, hot showers, home-cooked meals. She hadn’t even wanted to come back to Tigray in the first place.

For Saba the decision was easy. When the buses arrived at Ayder to take students away, she was there. Out of 200 or so interns, approximately 130 chose to stay. Most who left were of other ethnicities, but a few non-Tigrayans remained, knowing what lay ahead. Saba said goodbye to her friends and wished them well. When the buses departed, she was not on any of them.

Saba’s identity was changing. She was still torn between feeling Ethiopian and Tigrayan, but the balance had begun to tip toward the latter. Young Tigrayans had joined the TDF to fight on her behalf. Now she wanted to return the favor by working at Ayder, no matter the cost.

Her first rotation would be three months in internal medicine, then another three in surgery. She spent much of her time in the emergency room. The smell of festering wounds was pervasive, but Saba soon stopped noticing. Sick or injured bodies lay in every bed and chair, covered every inch of floor. Saba was forced to step over patients as she tended to others. She found people who had died waiting for treatment, their last words unheard. Some went unnoticed for so long that rigor mortis had set in. Orderlies had to break their bones to fit the corpses into body bags.

Orphaned and abandoned children became a concern. Saba treated women who reported being raped by soldiers early in the war and now needed late-term abortions. There was nothing she could do. “You cannot abort a baby at eight or nine months,” she said. “You just can’t.” When these women gave birth, some of them told Saba, “I don’t want to see this child.”

Nearly 80 percent of dialysis patients died for lack of seven-dollar parts.

Supply shortages plagued the hospital, and it became part of Abraha’s job to try and address them. He made contact with international NGOs and begged for aid. Little was forthcoming, due to the government’s blockade and poor coordination from humanitarian agencies. Financial donations from the Tigrayan diaspora were transferred to the hospital via black-market money changers. The funds were spent at private pharmacies that still had medicines in stock and on the limited amount of food being produced in the region. Prices were astronomical.

According to Abraha, some medical supplies were smuggled into Tigray by donkey. When saline became scarce, Ayder’s staff made their own using salt and boiled tap water. When bandages dwindled, the hospital asked the community for help. Many people donated traditional white shawls, which were cut into strips, sterilized, and wrapped around wounds. The hospital also asked the community for soap, detergent, and linens.

In the hospital’s dialysis unit, single-use blood filters with patients’ names written on them were used until they shattered. When no replacements could be found, longtime patients, people who’d been coming to Ayder for care for years, faced certain death. Nearly 80 percent of dialysis patients died for lack of seven-dollar parts.

Abraha tried to be strong for his mother, who came to stay with him in Mekelle. Addled by trauma, she repeated the same stories over and over, including how her husband had gone out the door one day and never come back. Only after the TDF had made its advances was Abraha able to travel to his home village for a single day to pay his respects.

Abraha kept himself going with the same encouragement he gave his staff. As a pediatrician, he told them, he observed children suffering from crushing disabilities. But he also saw those children learn to read braille, communicate with sign language, walk on prosthetic limbs. If they could survive and thrive, so could the Tigrayan people, even in the face of what increasingly felt like genocide.

In September, Daniel Kibret, a close adviser to Abiy, called for Tigrayans to “be erased and disappeared from historical records. A person who wants to study them should find nothing about them. Maybe he can find out about them by digging in the ground.” When the U.S. State Department and international human rights advocates condemned Kibret’s comments, he claimed that he was referring to the TPLF, not all Tigrayans. The following month, a journalist with Ethiopian Satellite Television declared, “It is necessary to intern everyone of Tigrayan descent, even if they have no connection with TPLF.” 

Other Ethiopians took to social media to encourage violence against Tigrayans.

“Do it even if it grieves you!!!!! You will not be any crueler than they are!!!!”

“Time to clean up trash!”

“No mercy!”

“Senior officials obfuscated and lied, and tried to omit any mention of rape by the government and Eritrean forces from the official investigation,” Fislan wrote in The Guardian.

Like his colleagues, Mebrahtu suffered under the blockade. Without a paycheck, he fell from a middle-class lifestyle into abject poverty. He lost 30 pounds. His sister-in-law, who worked for a humanitarian agency in Tigray, sent him what money she could. It went straight to necessities. Mebrahtu’s wife begged him to get another job, one where he would be paid, but he couldn’t abandon people in need. “I would be a person who is in a cage,” he said.

Mebrahtu continued to focus on caring for victims of sexual violence. Now that Ethiopian and Eritrean troops had been pushed back, even more women were seeking care. The One Stop Center saw between 50 and 60 patients per day, a 9,000 percent increase from before the war. Under the direction of the Tigray Region Health Bureau, Mebrahtu reviewed the techniques used by the center to ensure that they conformed to international standards. Then he led a team that traveled around Tigray setting up service centers to offer medical and psychological care to survivors not able to make it to Ayder. He trained dozens of clinicians and volunteers.

The impact of sexual violence wasn’t going unnoticed, even at the highest levels of the government. In response to international concern, Abiy’s government claimed that more than 50 soldiers had been tried for extrajudicial killings, rape, and other atrocities in Tigray. But the world had to take his word for it. The trials were held in a military court, and records of the proceedings were never made public. There are conflicting reports about whether the soldiers were convicted or sentenced.

On the public front, the government charged Filsan Abdi, the country’s minister for women, children, and youth, with investigating sexual violence and the use of child soldiers in the conflict. According to Filsan, when she submitted her report, it was censored. She was instructed to state that only TPLF-aligned fighters had committed crimes. In September 2021, Filsan resigned from her post and fled the country. “Senior officials obfuscated and lied, and tried to omit any mention of rape by the government and Eritrean forces from the official investigation,” Filsan wrote in The Guardian. “The government focused on propaganda at the expense of genuinely pursuing justice.”

Around the time of Filsan’s resignation, Abiy deported seven UN staffers for allegedly “meddling in the internal affairs of the country.” According to the Humanitarian Exchange and Research Center, many of them “were known for their advocacy for a principled approach” to their work. At least one had been involved in the joint OHCHR-EHRC report, which was finally released on November 3.

The report’s authors noted limitations—for instance, they hadn’t been able to visit every area of Tigray affected by the conflict—and said that further investigation was necessary. They described atrocities committed by armed forces of all allegiances, but said that they “could not confirm deliberate or willful denial of humanitarian assistance to the civilian population or the use of starvation as a weapon of war” by Abiy’s government. Nor did they come to any conclusion about ethnic cleansing.

To anyone paying attention, both the blockade and ethnic cleansing were as obvious as the sun in the sky. The TPLF outright rejected the report. Human Rights Watch criticized it for failing to “give well-documented trends the attention they deserve,” such as “the scale of abuses, including sexual slavery, by Ethiopian, Eritrean, and Amhara forces targeting Tigrayan women and girls.” The organization also claimed that the report “glosses over the deliberate and extensive destruction and pillaging of health infrastructure, and the intimidation and killing of humanitarian workers.”

Soon after the report’s release, the United Nations mandated another inquiry into the war: the International Commission of Human Rights Experts on Ethiopia, or ICHREE, made up of experts under the supervision of the UN’s Human Rights Council. There would be no partnership with the Ethiopian government this time, and the new investigation was designed to give a truly independent account of the conflict. In response, Abiy’s administration refused to cooperate, attempted to block the inquiry’s funding, and barred investigators from entering Tigray. Notwithstanding its own call for additional research into the conflict, the EHRC issued a statement opposing the committee.

Meanwhile, the TDF fought to within a couple hundred miles of Addis Ababa, sending panic through the city. The government declared a nationwide state of emergency. Citizens were told to march “with any weapon and resources they have to defend, repulse, and bury the terrorist TPLF.” State media reported that Abiy himself would visit the front lines. The U.S. ordered all its nationals to leave on November 5. Other nations soon followed.

In the end, the TDF was unable to reach the capital. On the plains outside Addis Ababa, Tigrayan forces were devastated by drones supplied from abroad. With no answer to the Ethiopian military’s air power, they were forced to retreat. By late December, Ethiopian forces and their allies had driven the TDF back within the borders of Tigray. The TDF would attempt another offensive again in January 2022 but was unable to advance beyond the region.

The offensive was over, and the war was at a stalemate. Though the TDF still controlled much of Tigray, including Mekelle, Amharan forces held areas to the west, and Eritrean troops occupied points along the northern border. Abiy’s administration continued to pound and starve Tigrayans into submission—or as Kibret, the government adviser, put it in another speech, to “wipe … out” the “disease” of rebellion.

By the end of 2021, Ethiopia had set a world record for the most people internally displaced in a country in a single year: 5.1 million.* Hundreds of people were dying from hunger in Tigray every day.

*According to a report by the Internal Displacement Monitoring Center, “The conflict in the North accounted for the vast majority of the internal displacements recorded in Ethiopia in 2021.… Across the country as a whole, around 3.6 million people were living in displacement as a result of conflict and violence at the end of the year, including 1.7 million children without access to education.”

International agencies that previously seemed to acquiesce to the Ethiopian government’s narratives about the war began to speak more frankly about its horrors. “Even in the toughest periods of conflict in Syria, South Sudan, Yemen, and others, WHO and partners have had access to save lives,” World Health Organization director general Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus said at a press conference in January 2022. “However, in Tigray, the de facto blockade is preventing access to humanitarian supplies, which is killing people.” In response, the Ethiopian government accused Tedros of having ties to Tigrayan rebels and tried to thwart his reelection to a second term as head of the WHO.

It was risky to move around the region—in January, a government air strike on a Tigrayan IDP camp killed more than 50 people. Yet Mebrahtu continued to do so, hoping to help as many sexual assault survivors as possible. One day, as he was riding in an SUV about 18 miles from Mekelle, he heard the unmistakable scream of a missile overhead. He was on a trip to establish a women’s health center, traveling in a clearly marked humanitarian vehicle—an image of Kalashnikovs overlaid by a red circle and a slash adorned the sides and roof, large enough to be seen from the sky. As he and his colleagues approached a checkpoint, the missile slammed into a truck transporting grain ahead of them.

Mebrahtu and his colleagues bolted from the SUV, the doors left open in their haste to flee. Looking up as he ran, Mebrahtu tried to spot the drone that fired the missile but saw nothing. He ran until his lungs burned. When he could run no farther, he sat atop a nearby hill and waited for more bombs to hit the road below. With its wide-open doors, the SUV looked like a dead bird, wings outstretched.

Additional strikes never came. After half an hour, Mebrahtu made his way back to the vehicle, where his colleagues were waiting. As they sped away from the scene, they got a good look at the truck ahead of them. It had been split in half from front to back, as if it were no stronger than a sheet of paper.

Medical staff attend to a patient at Ayder in June 2021. (Photo by Yasuyoshi Chiba/AFP via Getty Images)

As the siege ground on, Ayder teetered on the brink of collapse. “Signing death certificates has become our primary job,” hospital representatives told a group of NGOs in January 2022. Starvation was endemic.

By then Saba was nearing the end of her second rotation, in surgery. After a breakfast of injera and lentils fortified with cabbage or potatoes, she worked 36-hour shifts without eating again. She lost so much weight it affected her menstruation, and she decided to take birth-control pills to halt her monthly cycle, since it was cheaper than buying pads and tampons. She fainted more than once while working—a common occurrence among Ayder’s staff.

When Saba helped triage new patients, who often arrived by the truckload, the first task was separating the living from the dead. She took photos of wounds to show more-senior medical staff. Sometimes the injuries were filled with maggots. Doctors often left the larvae to clean wounds the hospital didn’t have supplies to treat.

One day a colleague asked Saba to help place a urinary catheter. The patient was a teenage girl in a yellow dress caked with dried blood and stool. The hospital didn’t know her name, as she’d arrived unconscious and carried no identification. She had a head injury, the result of being hit in the eye with a bullet or shrapnel. Saba couldn’t see an exit wound. The only stimulus the young woman responded to was pain.

Saba inserted the catheter. “But it was all pointless,” she said. Saba knew the girl in the yellow dress would die. Saba never saw her again, except when she appeared in Saba’s nightmares.

Those nightmares grew worse during her next rotation, pediatrics. Saba felt more helpless than ever watching children suffer and die for lack of supplies. One afternoon a father came in with an 11-month-old boy so malnourished he weighed no more than an infant. His mother had died in childbirth, and the boy suffered from hydrocephalus, a condition where spinal fluid accumulates in the ventricles of the brain, causing the head to swell. Contributing factors can include malnutrition and vitamin deficiency during pregnancy. The little boy’s stare was fixed downward, a condition called “sunset eyes,” which often occurs in cases of hydrocephalus. Saba knew that the child could have serious neurological damage.

The father had traveled a long distance for help, and arriving at Ayder gave him a boost of hope. Treating hydrocephalus requires the insertion of a shunt into the cranial cavity, allowing the fluid to drain. These shunts, small pieces of plastic, cost only a few dollars. They are mass-produced and readily available around the world. The surgery to place them is routine. But there were no shunts left at Ayder. There were none left in all of Tigray. Saba wished that the father hadn’t been so hopeful.

Along with a resident doctor, Saba told the father that there was nothing they could do. He had two options. He could stay at Ayder, where the staff would make his son as comfortable as possible, but he would have to find his own food. Or he could go home. The child would die either way. The father chose to stay.

The last time Saba saw the little boy was that evening. It was February, and so cold that she wore a jacket under her white coat while making rounds. The father wasn’t with the boy—he’d gone looking for milk. The baby was covered in a single bedsheet soaked in urine. When Saba touched him, he felt like ice. She looked for something clean to wrap him in, eventually finding a bedsheet another patient used for a pillow. She picked up the baby, cleaned him, and swaddled him in the sheet. When his father returned, he wept with gratitude. The boy died soon after.

The father and his young son began appearing in Saba’s dreams alongside the girl in the yellow dress. They visited her almost every night.

As the peace talks dragged on, Ayder’s ability to provide care diminished even further. At the end of May, it was forced to close its doors to everything but trauma cases.

Around the time Saba began her pediatrics rotation, Hale and other colleagues began to document the toll the siege had taken on medical professionals for a study they planned to submit to international medical journals. The team surveyed a cross-section of Ayder’s staff—senior physicians, residents, interns, nurses, and midwives—and made sure to include both men and women, married and single. They knew that personal factors could, as they wrote, “influence how individuals experience and cope with the stressors of war and siege.”

The findings were stark. One-third of the hospital’s interns had departed. Eight nurses left the emergency department, which “resulted in significant compromise on the service delivery,” according to one staff member. Providers described insomnia and sensitivity to loud sounds—their nervous systems reacting instinctively to possible explosions—and feelings of inadequacy, grief, and anguish. A nurse said that those able to bring food to work shared it with their colleagues. One day a staff member refused to eat what was offered. According to the nurse, “She said, ‘My kids were asking me to buy them bread in the morning. I did not buy them because I had no money to do so. I left my kids with nothing to eat at home. I left them for God to take care of them. I came here to work. How do you think I can eat?’ ”

In March 2022, as the team compiled their findings into a formal report, the TPLF and the government agreed to a humanitarian truce and the commencement of peace talks. Both sides, it seemed, were becoming war-weary. Nevertheless, the federal blockade of Tigray remained devastating. For its part, the TPLF desperately tried to shore up civilian reserves in case fighting began again. It resorted to widespread conscription, in some cases drafting Tigrayans as young as 17. It also jailed individuals for leaving the TDF.

On April 1, Abiy’s administration allowed a handful of aid trucks to enter Tigray, but it was a drop in an ocean of need, another gesture of quasi-compliance aimed at placating international observers.* As the peace talks dragged on, Ayder’s ability to provide care diminished even further. At the end of May, it was forced to close its doors to everything but trauma cases. Mebrahtu kept doing what he could to support the women of Tigray. Hale performed emergency surgeries while continuing to study the costs of war.

*A few weeks later, reports surfaced that Abiy planned to build himself a new palace complex at a cost of $1 billion, a signal of his government’s priorities. The budget would eventually grow tenfold. 

Saba completed her internship that summer. She was then instructed to volunteer at whatever health centers were still operating in the region. Transportation was nearly impossible. Her only choice was to catch a ride in an ambulance when she could, which wasn’t often—only 11.5 percent of ambulances in Tigray remained functional just six months into the war. Most days Saba was stuck at home.

Saba finally got news of her grandfather who lived near the border in the north. When Eritrean soldiers arrived at his home, he told them that he, too, would have joined the TDF if he weren’t an old man. The soldiers responded by beating him. One of them told him to turn and fall to his knees so they could execute him. Saba’s grandfather told the soldier that if he was going to shoot him, he’d have to look him in the eye. Instead, the soldiers took his valuables and left. Saba wasn’t sure how badly he’d been hurt.

Her PTSD was getting worse. Even when she had access to food, she found that she wasn’t hungry. She grew bitter that she had ever believed—that her parents let her believe—in the promise of Ethiopia. For a while, she told herself that the siege wouldn’t last more than another month, that it couldn’t. But it always did. At some point, she accepted that she would likely never see her family again.

Abraha was promoted in June. As associate clinical director, Abraha helped lead the hospital at large and responded to patient concerns. People pleaded with Abraha for antibiotics, chemotherapy, a meal. For those he couldn’t help, he tried at least to bear witness to their pain. One woman who came to him had lost 19 members of her family in the war. Abraha always prided himself on keeping his composure at work, but sometimes it felt like his tears were all he had to give. He cried at home in the evenings too, his face in his hands.

At the end of the summer, peace talks broke down. Deadly violence resumed across Tigray. Tens of thousands of people, perhaps more, were killed or starved to death. Both sides fought less for tactical position than for advantage at the bargaining table. In October, when a peace agreement again seemed within reach, Eritrean forces slaughtered hundreds of civilians in at least ten villages.

On November 2, 2022, some 16 months after the siege began, the TPLF and the Ethiopian government finally signed a cessation-of-hostilities agreement. The agreement went into effect the next day, exactly two years after the war began. The mood in Tigray was more skeptical than celebratory. People were too tired, too sick, too traumatized for jubilation.

Eleven days later, Ayder welcomed the first aid truck to reach the hospital in more than a year.

Aftermath

Saba and a friend walked to what’s known locally as a “film house,” a shop that bought pirated content from NGO staffers who had internet connections. Saba paid for a PDF of the peace agreement. The pair returned to Saba’s apartment and read the document again and again. The text pledged an end to air strikes and the laying of land mines, and for a cessation of “hostile propaganda, rhetoric, and hate speech.” It condemned sexual violence and stipulated that humanitarian aid should reach those in need.

But Saba and her friend were furious. According to the agreement, the federal government would control Tigray, and both the TPLF and the TDF had to disarm. To Saba this felt like her people’s only real defenses were being stripped away. What if violence continued? Who would protect her and other Tigrayans? Neither Eritrea nor any regional or ethnic militia aligned with Abiy’s administration was party to the agreement. Both sides agreed not to use “proxies” or “any external force” to destabilize Tigray, but Saba didn’t trust the government to adhere to this. She didn’t trust the government at all.

At Ayder, where staff began the painstaking process of restoring services, there was much talk of the peace agreement. The committee of experts appointed by the UN Human Rights Council in 2021 had recently released its first report on Tigray, confirming what so many civilians already knew—the extent of the killing, raping, and pillaging perpetrated by Ethiopian forces and their allies. It found “reasonable grounds to believe that, in several instances, these violations amounted to war crimes and crimes against humanity.”

Would the government, which had lied to the world so persistently throughout the war, really be so quick to turn off the tap of its own brutality, much less bow to accountability for its actions? That Abiy’s administration initially attempted to block the Human Rights Council’s inquiry, and later refused access to any part of the country outside Addis Ababa, wasn’t encouraging.

Abraha was promoted again, to chief clinical director of the hospital. Aid arrived, but only a trickle. The hospital was short on everything essential, including bandages, medications, oxygen, and surgical gloves. Federal funding resumed, allowing Ayder to pay staff,* but the hospital’s budget was less than 50 percent of what it had been before the war. Ayder’s situation matched regional trends. In mid-2023, a WHO study found that of 853 health facilities researchers were able to assess, close to 90 percent had suffered damage during the war—from attacks, looting, or both. Even those partially functioning reported a lack of supplies and finances.

*As of January 2025, health care professionals at Ayder and other federal employees in Tigray are still petitioning the government for the 18 months of back pay they were denied during the siege.

Health facilities weren’t the war’s only structural casualties. Tigray’s economy was in shambles, many of its principal industries looted or destroyed. The school system was particularly devastated. A study from the Tigray Education Bureau found that almost 90 percent of schools were damaged just two months into the war. Many buildings had been repurposed for displaced people, nearly a million of whom had yet to return home, either because they lacked the resources or because Eritrean soldiers and ethnic militias still posed a threat. Unexploded ordnance remained an urgent risk to children. At Ayder, Abraha continued to care for some of the war’s youngest victims. “All wars are fought against children,” he said.

Mebrahtu felt the same about women and girls. After the siege ended, he was able to resume his nursing instruction, including classes on reproductive health and obstetrics. He became an official adviser to the Tigray Regional Health Bureau on gender-based prevention and response. (He continues to help coordinate One Stop Centers across the region.) He also suffered from nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts. He sometimes had anxiety attacks and heart palpitations. For a while he was able to see a therapist, but that only helped so much.* 

*Refugees International estimated that there are only eight psychologists in Tigray, or about one for every million people. 

Hale kept working at the hospital, but like many other physicians, he also opened a private practice. He knew that he could never again rely solely on income from the government. The team he’d worked with to document the war’s impact on Ayder and its staff struggled to find a home for their studies. Only when they attached Western coauthors to them did medical journals pay attention.

Hale was sure that there would be another conflict, and he stopped planning for the future as he once did. “You cannot even build something thinking that tomorrow war will happen,” he said. “It’s the same for your dreams as well. You cannot dream, feeling that war will come and destroy it.”

“Abiy’s strategy with the Europeans was essentially bribery,” De Waal said.

War did come, if not for Tigray. By the spring of 2023, an ongoing separatist movement in Ethiopia’s Oromia region to the south had intensified. In Amhara, regional forces and ethnic militias turned on the federal government and launched into open rebellion when Abiy’s administration instructed them to disarm. The conflict widened and would be marked by atrocities similar to those in the Tigray war.

For the time being, guns remained silent in most of Tigray, yet peace was incomplete. According to a report coauthored by Physicians for Human Rights and the Organization for Justice and Accountability in the Horn of Africa, in the six months after the peace agreement was signed, “reports of human rights violations [continued] … including campaigns of ethnic cleansing in western Tigray and continuing cases of sexual violence committed by Eritrean forces.” The TPLF never gave up its arms. Food aid remained limited, not least because federal officials were stealing it for the military or to sell for profit. The problem became so bad that in May 2023, USAID halted all food deliveries to Ethiopia. The WFP followed suit in June.

Still, the international community signaled a desire to normalize relations with Ethiopia. In June, with food aid suspended, President Biden’s administration told Congress that Abiy’s government was no longer exhibiting a “pattern of gross violations of human rights.” The African Union never completed a promised investigation of the war in Tigray. The commission established to conduct the inquiry was quietly disbanded over the summer of 2023.

Most startling, though, was what transpired at the UN. In September and October, the committee of experts appointed by the Human Rights Council to investigate the war in Tigray released two more reports. “The conflict … still not resolved in any comprehensive peace, continues to produce misery,” the first report stated. Responsibility for this, it went on, lay with Abiy’s administration. “The Government of Ethiopia has failed to effectively investigate violations,” the committee found, “and has initiated a flawed transitional justice consultation process. Ethiopia has sought to evade international scrutiny through the creation of domestic mechanisms ostensibly to fight impunity.” The committee noted “past and current abuses … demand further investigation.” This has yet to happen.

Two weeks after the second report’s release, the committee’s mandate expired after no member of the Human Rights Council sponsored its renewal. This was not a bureaucratic oversight. Earlier in 2023, Ethiopia had signaled that it intended to introduce a resolution to terminate the committee’s work. At the time, 63 human rights organizations, including Amnesty International and HRW, wrote an open letter to the UN stating that the government’s actions risked setting “a dangerous precedent regarding international scrutiny and impunity for rights abuses elsewhere.”

Ethiopia never introduced its resolution, but according to sources with knowledge of the matter, this was only because European Union member states agreed to let Ethiopia propose its own investigative mechanism as a replacement for the committee of experts. Once again the UN had placed Ethiopia in charge of prosecuting its own crimes,* effectively killing international scrutiny. Philippe Dam, Human Rights Watch’s EU director, noted that this was likely the first time Europe had led an effort to “bury [a] key UN inquiry.”

*In April of 2024, the Ethiopian Council of Ministers approved a special prosecutor to investigate serious crimes within the country since 1995, including the Tigray war. The process has been described as a “farce” and widely criticized by human rights groups. 

How to explain EU member states’ decision? Alex De Waal, executive director of the World Peace Foundation at Tufts University and one of the world’s foremost experts on the Horn of Africa, said that part of it was due to weak UN leadership, but also that Abiy had dangled carrots in front of European leaders in the form of investment opportunities. Ethiopia planned to privatize portions of its economy, paving the way for foreign players to benefit from future growth.

“Abiy’s strategy with the Europeans was essentially bribery,” De Waal said. “He basically said, ‘We have these big privatizations coming up, especially telecom, and you’ll get a slice of it.’ The French and Italians in particular were salivating at that prospect.”*

*In the fall of 2024, Abiy’s government began the process of privatizing roughly half of Ethio Telecom, which holds a near monopoly on the country’s internet and telecommunications services. 

Just prior to the UN committee’s mandate expiring, the EU and Ethiopia inked a deal to renew the development package frozen during the war, now worth 650 million euros. “This strategic partnership is now back on track,” Abiy said. A few months later, in January 2024, Abiy was given the UN Food and Agriculture Organization’s highest award for contributions to rural and economic development.

Around the same time, Abraha led an effort to gather data on persistent hunger in Tigray. The preliminary findings were clear. “In every corner of Tigray,” Abraha said in the summer of 2024, “there are pockets of starvation.”

A doctor attends to Alem, 29, and her two-month-old son, Leul, who suffered from severe malnutrition, in February 2024. (Photo by Ed Ram/Getty Images)

As with many conflicts, the precise number of deaths from the war in Tigray may never be known. But experts estimate that it claimed the lives of some 600,000 civilians, possibly many more. That figure isn’t far off from the death toll of the Rwanda genocide, in which 800,000 people were slaughtered. “I used to think the world learned a lot of things from Rwanda,” Mebrahtu said. “But they failed in Tigray.”

While all factions in the conflict have committed war crimes, the scale of these atrocities differs considerably. Only one side of the war can be credibly accused of genocide. In Abraha’s mind, there’s no question about what happened in his homeland. “This is a genocide by intention and commission,” he said. Helping to heal survivors will never be enough for him. To process the tragedies he witnessed, as well as his family’s own losses, he wants an impartial investigation, due process, justice.

A growing number of international observers are also calling for accountability for what they see as a probable genocide. That would likely require judicial proceedings at the global level. Ethiopia is not party to the Rome Statute, which governs the International Criminal Court. For the ICC to open a case against Abiy or members of his government, the UN Security Council would have to authorize it. Ethiopia is subject to the jurisdiction of the International Court of Justice (ICJ) for various crimes, including genocide, but another sovereign nation must bring the suit. There is no indication that anyone with the authority to do so is keen to take Ethiopia or its leadership to either court.* Despite overseeing one of this century’s bloodiest conflicts—and several well-documented atrocities that may amount to genocide—Abiy managed to keep the international order largely on his side.

*The ICC prosecutes individuals, hence the recent arrest warrant issued for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for, among other charges, using starvation as a weapon of war. The ICJ, by contrast, allows UN member states to sue one another. In December of 2023, for example, South Africa alleged before the court that Israel’s conduct in the Gaza Strip amounted to genocide. The case is pending.

This has left many Tigrayans feeling abandoned. “Unless you have power,” Mebrahtu said, “being human or truthful is nothing in this world.” Several sources interviewed for this story said they were “jealous” of the attention the Palestinian cause received since Israel began its assault on Gaza in October 2023.

Hale, once a believer in the promise of global governance, fears that the legacy of the war in Tigray will be one of inaction and impunity. “Dictators have taken a lesson from Ethiopia—that you can kill your own people, you can exterminate,” he said. “You can do ethnic cleansing, and then you can escape.”

“You Tigrayans are all disgusting,” the driver seethed. Saba turned and walked away as the man spat insults. She was no longer surprised by this kind of abuse.

The month after the peace agreement was signed, Saba was able to return to Addis Ababa and see her family. They had returned to the capital from Dubai, where they fled during the mass arrests in 2021. Her sister purchased her a ticket home, and Saba was on the second plane out of Mekelle following the end of the siege.

When she arrived at the Addis Ababa airport, a taxi driver asked Saba if she wanted a ride. Her father was picking her up, so she said no. “You Tigrayans are all disgusting,” the driver seethed. Saba turned and walked away as the man spat insults. She was no longer surprised by this kind of abuse.

At home her mother cooked a feast, including doro wat, Saba’s favorite dish. After more than a year of starvation, she was shocked to see so much food on the table. She found that she could eat very little of it. Her body wasn’t used to so much nourishment, and she felt disgusted to have so much while others had so little. Her father asked why she was so thin—she had lost almost 35 pounds from a five-foot-three-inch frame—and she realized that her own family had little idea what she’d been through.

Saba was finally able to speak with her grandfather in northern Tigray. He now walked with a limp because of the beating he’d sustained from the soldiers. When Saba asked him if he felt resentment, he told her that he was “too old for hatred.”

Saba still sees the girl in the yellow dress and the little boy and his father in her dreams. She briefly went to a therapist but stopped when she could no longer afford it. Asking her parents for help wasn’t an option. “They don’t believe in mental health care,” she said. Saba no longer enjoys her hobbies from before the war. She doesn’t read much or listen to music. When she’s not working, she watches trashy TV, not caring about what happens on screen. Her menstrual cycle still hasn’t returned to normal.

Saba is no longer a practicing doctor. She says that she doesn’t have the “mental capacity” for it after laboring in conditions so heinous that she was forced to leave patients to die. She’s now studying public health at a university in the U.S. and hopes to find “office work.” She wants to return to Tigray one day, to help rebuild the medical system. But not now, not yet. She feels too broken.

After dinner on her first night home, Saba went upstairs to her childhood bedroom. On a shelf were books by J. K. Rowling and Sally Rooney, exactly where she’d left them. Her bed looked the same as she remembered, and when she lay down, sleep came fast. The next morning she decided to go through some of her childhood things. As she looked at old clothes that now swallowed her withered frame, her composure shattered. On the floor of her room, she wept for the life she no longer had. For the child she used to be. For the woman she’d become.

Saba felt that the person who’d once worn the clothes piled around her had been lost in Tigray, had died alongside so many others. She missed that person. She was a good person.

Additional research by David Moulton and Tewelde G.

Originally, this story used a pseudonym for Hale Teka. Several months after publication, Hale requested that he be identified alongside his colleagues. The story has been updated to include his full name.


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