Angel Killer

A true story of cannibalism, crime fighting, and insanity in New York City.

The Atavist Magazine, No. 18


Deborah Blum is a Pulitzer Prize–winning science writer and the author of five books, most recently The Poisoner’s Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York. A professor of journalism at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, she has written for Scientific American, Slate, Tin House, The Wall Street Journal, and The Los Angeles Times, among other publications. She is currently working on a book about the history of poisonous food.

Editor: Charles Homans
Producers: Olivia Koski, Gray Beltran
Research and Production: Nadia Wilson
Fact Checker: Alex Carp
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Footage: Edited from Manhattan (1921), courtesy of the Internet Archive
Music: “A Pretty Girl Is Like a Melody”, written by Irving Berlin, performed by John Steel (recorded 1919)
Special Thanks: the New York Public Library



Published in September 2012. Design updated in 2021.

One

He listened for the angel. It was out there, he knew. He knew the brush of its wings, its warm whisper. He could almost see the air change, that seep of blood red as it floated away. A man could learn to like that color.

The ferry docked in Port Richmond on Staten Island, and the Gray Man stepped out into the bustle of fishing boats and factory workers. He walked through the waterfront business district, down the wide avenues framed by 19th-century mansions. It was all wrong here: The sun shone too brightly, the sky gleamed like clear blue glass. So he kept going. He wanted the shadows for his work.

He was hunting out of his usual habitat that afternoon of July 14, 1924, away from the Manhattan alleys and tenements he knew so well. He kept walking, looking for the right place. A mile went by, then a few more, until he found himself amid a clutter of working-class wood-frame homes, shaded against the sunlight by leafy plane trees.

Walking down the long stretch of Decker Avenue, the Gray Man hesitated in front of a  house where a little boy played on the front porch in view of his mother, who saw the stranger pause. Anna McDonnell was a policeman’s wife, wary of strangers. But the man in his shabby jacket looked harmless enough, smiling slightly. He tipped his hat and walked on.

There was a moment, as he walked away, when she felt a shock of nerves. His hands were squeezing open and shut as he walked, she would recount later, and he seemed to be exchanging bitter words with the summer air. She hesitated. But the man moved on, and she turned away and went into the house.

She didn’t see the stranger return. By now her 8-year-old son Francis had joined a ball game down the street, and the stranger walked over to the boys, calling out a question. Francis, always friendly, came over to answer. A neighbor later saw the little boy walking toward a nearby wooded lot, trailed by a grizzled older man—just a drifter, perhaps, looking for a place where he could spend the night.

Francis had not come home by suppertime, and his father, Arthur, still wearing his blue patrolman’s uniform, went out to look for him. But the boy couldn’t be found. McDonnell called his colleagues at the police station, alerting them to his missing child. By morning a panicked search had commenced, with police, neighbors, local businessmen, even Boy Scouts fanning out across Staten Island looking for the boy.

A trio of Boy Scouts, tramping through the wooded lot near where the boy had last been seen, made the discovery. Francis McDonnell’s body lay under a pile of branches and leaves. The child had been stripped below the waist, beaten, and finally strangled with his suspenders.

The hunt for Francis’s killer continued for weeks, then months. It was Anna McDonnell, meeting with reporters, who gave him his name. “Help us catch the monster who murdered our little boy,” she begged. “Help us find the gray man.”

But the Gray Man knew they wouldn’t find him. He would vanish as he always did, a smudge in the air, blown away on the wind.

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Two

“If I catch the killer,” Arthur McDonnell promised after joining the search, “I’ll not harm a hair on his head.” The detectives in charge of the case might have wondered whether an angry, grieving father was the best choice for the search team, but at the moment they had bigger problems. “It looks like a long job because of the absence of clues,” Captain Ernest Van Wagner, chief of the New York Police Department detective bureau on Staten Island, told The New York Times. “It is one of the most difficult cases in my experience of police work.”

The police did what they could. They followed up on letters and phone calls from local residents, searched cellars and wood sheds, interrogated the vagrants known to drift through town parks. Van Wagner sent his men to investigate the nearby city poor houses, hoping that the killer had seeped out from somewhere in those collections of human flotsam and jetsam.

Such a manhunt might have caught a more conventional killer, one with some connection to his victim, or to Staten Island. But the Gray Man was something different altogether. He had learned not to repeat himself, not to linger in one place. His methods, his motives, and the sheer horror of his crimes would reveal to New Yorkers how little they knew not just of murder but of the human mind.

In 1924, no standard term existed to describe those who killed with no apparent motive except perhaps the pleasure of the act. Newspaper journalists had been trying out the description thrill killer. Police and students of the developing field of criminology preferred a less sensational description, but one that also recognized the essential coldness of such murderers. The term that was beginning to take shape in criminal justice circles was stranger killers.

Stranger killers operated so far out of the normal scope of murderous behavior that they often eluded police detection for years; this was an era, after all, in which even major urban police departments like New York’s lacked tools as basic as a centralized fingerprint database. Well-known examples included Chicago’s H. H. Holmes, executed after murdering and dismembering more than 27 people during the 1890s, and Belle Gunness, who vanished in 1908 after killing some 40 people and reputedly feeding pieces of their remains to the hogs on her Indiana farm. For many, the official terminology still failed to capture the basic horror of their stories. These were killers known to the public as monsters out of mythology: Holmes, the Arch-Fiend; Gunness, the Female Bluebeard; Peter Kürten, the Vampire of Düsseldorf, who slaughtered more than 20 people in the 1920s with weapons ranging from scissors to axes and then drank their blood.

Multiple murderers were nothing new, of course. The legend of Bluebeard, the mythical multiple wife killer, was supposedly inspired by the deeds of a French nobleman, Gilles de Rais, who was hanged in 1440 after being convicted of luring more than 100 young boys to their deaths in the well-protected privacy of his estates. But the formal study of the criminal mind was new, dating back only to late–19th century Europe. (In the United States, the first professional periodical on the subject, The Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology, started publication in 1910.) The new criminologists warned that modern urban life—with its impersonal factories, impoverished ghettos, and isolated existences—created new opportunities for stranger killers. They urged more preventive measures, from increased police patrols to the treatment of society’s “moral degenerates.” And they worked to assemble a rough portrait of the killers who were never satisfied with just one victim.

The murderers were mostly white males—women like Gunness were a rare exception—and underachievers. They tended to do poorly in school and struggled to hold jobs. They often grew up in troubled homes, the children of alcoholics, of vicious mothers or abusive fathers. Mental illness coiled through their family histories, in the form of brothers, uncles, or parents who’d been locked away in lunatic asylums.

Some of them, like Holmes, seemed chilled to the core. Others blazed with hate, in the way of Carl Panzram. Gang-raped as a child, shuttled from home to institution, the Minnesota-born Panzram described his life plan in six words: “steal, lie, hate, burn, and kill.” He proudly admitted to 21 murders in the 1920s, a litany of children and adults who had annoyed him. As he awaited execution in 1930, Panzram mocked his own hangman: “Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard. I could hang a dozen men while you’re fooling around.”

But Panzram, who simply killed when the mood took him, was unusual. Most stranger killers obsessed over their own special kind of victim—women or men, boys or girls—with a peculiar intensity. The Gray Man dreamed of his dead. And they were always, always children.

Three

On good days, he could even see the angels. He could see Christ sometimes, too, floating nearby in the kitchen, emerging from a closet, a shimmer of gold and light. He could hear the holy voices whispering in empty rooms, muttering their incantations of blood and children, children and blood.

The weather on the afternoon of February 11, 1927 had turned cold, so 4-year-old Billy Gaffney and his friend Bill Beaton, a year younger, brought their games inside. Both their families lived in an old eight-apartment tenement house at 99 15th Street in Brooklyn. The boys’ happy racket drew a neighbor boy out of his own apartment, hoping to join the fun. When he arrived, however, he found only an empty hallway.

When the building residents went looking for the boys, they found that a trapdoor to the roof, usually blocked shut, had been left open. Billy Beaton stood alone by the opening. He and his friend had been up on the roof, he told the searchers, when “the boogeyman” took Billy Gaffney away.

“All children talk about the boogeyman,” the detective in charge of the case shrugged. But eventually the child offered a description of this phantom. It was an old man with a gray mustache. A trolley car conductor on the line that stopped two blocks from the Gaffneys’ apartment remembered an older man and a little boy boarding his car that evening. The boy was sobbing, in spite of the man’s attempts to hush him. That was what the conductor remembered: the crying child. The man himself was nothing special. Just a mustached stranger faded to gray, he said, wrapped in an old coat.

The man had asked about ferries to Staten Island, the conductor said. But when he got off the car, he was “half dragging, half carrying” the little boy down Sackett Street, away from the pier. The police searched Staten Island anyway, and parts of New Jersey. They searched through the dump sites, apartments, factories, and churches of western Brooklyn, swept ash piles, dug up cellars, even dragged the nearby Gowanus Canal.

Three weeks after the disappearance, the body of a small boy turned up in a dump in Palmer, Massachusetts, stuffed in a wine cask. Billy’s father, Edmund, went with dread to the morgue to take a look. But it was another murdered child, not his own. And although no one but the Gray Man knew it at the time, there was a good reason that the searchers would never find a trace of the Gaffney child. His killer had decided that leaving a whole body behind was a waste of good flesh.

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Four

The girl was moving toward the house, blossoms spilling over her small hands. She was almost translucent in the summer light, and he thought for a moment that he could hear the angel—wait, wait—calling him back. But no. He was alone in the abandoned house.

It was a little more than 15 months after Billy Gaffney’s disappearance that Eddie Budd placed his one-line ad in the Situations Wanted section of the New York World. It ran in the May 27 Sunday edition and read: “Young man, 18, wishes position in country.” If the spring of 1928 had been sweltering on Manhattan’s sidewalks, it was oven-hot in the Budd family’s apartment in the Chelsea neighborhood, with two parents and five children crammed into its small rooms. Eddie was hoping for a summer job outside the city.

The next afternoon, a slightly built older man knocked on the Budds’ front door. He introduced himself as Frank Howard, the owner of a small Long Island farm. He was looking to replace a hired man who had recently quit, he said. He wanted someone young and strong. “I ain’t afraid of hard work,” Eddie told him. Howard agreed to hire the Budd boy and one of his friends.

Six days later, on a late Sunday morning, Howard returned bearing gifts, a pail of crumbly pot cheese and a basket of strawberries. He promised to pick Eddie and his friend up for work the next day, then handed them a couple dollars to go see a movie. Howard himself stayed for lunch, playing with the younger children. By early afternoon, the Budds were thoroughly charmed.

The family had a pretty 10-year-old daughter named Grace, thin and tenement pale, with big dark eyes and dark hair. Would she like a treat? Howard asked. He was going uptown to a niece’s birthday party. He’d be happy to take her to share in the fun. He promised to bring her back by nightfall—with her parents’ permission, of course.

Albert and Delia Budd would turn that moment over and over. The visitor’s gentle invitation, the mother’s hesitation, the father’s indulgent response: let her go, poor kid, she doesn’t see many good times. Their daughter walking down the sidewalk in her Sunday best with the elderly stranger in a dark suit, a felt hat on his silvery head.

In the initial furor over Grace Budd’s disappearance, the police assigned a posse of detectives to the case. Months, then years passed without progress, and in time almost all of them abandoned the search. The only one who did not was a detective named William F. King.

King was a tall, ruggedly built man with a fondness for tailored suits. He was middle-aged, and his dark hair was receding, so he kept it short and slicked back. He had first joined the NYPD in 1907 after working as a locomotive fireman. He’d left to fight in the Great War and returned afterward to serve in the NYPD’s Bureau of Missing Persons. At the time of Grace’s disappearance, he was a detective lieutenant in the bureau. It wasn’t a job that would make him rich—he was paid $3,200 a year—but it suited him. He had earned a reputation on the force for bullheaded determination. And he was determined not to give up on Grace.

The Budds had received dozens of letters claiming knowledge of Grace’s whereabouts. King went through them methodically, taking time out from his other assignments to chase down leads. Twice he thought he’d found the kidnapper only to see the case fall apart. One suspect was a nearby building superintendent who, it turned it out, had been set up by a vengeful estranged wife. The other was a known confidence man who liked to prey on young girls and had recently used the last name Howard for his schemes; King tracked him down in Florida, only to find that the man had an airtight alibi.

After several years and more than 40,000 miles of wild goose chases, King returned to the theory that his suspect was still in town. If that were true, maybe the answer was to bait him into the open. He persuaded some of the city’s newspaper columnists to occasionally drop hints, short items that reminded readers of the case. Even columnist Walter Winchell, of William Randolph Hearst’s powerful New York Daily Mirror, indulged King’s obsession from time to time.

“I checked on the Grace Budd mystery,” Winchell wrote in his November 2, 1934 column, “And it is safe to tell you that the Dep’t. of Missing Persons will break the case, or they expect to, in four weeks. They are holding a ‘cokie’”—a cocaine addict—“now at Randall’s Island, who is said to know most about the crime. Grace is supposed to have been done away with in lime, but another legend is that her skeleton is buried in a local spot. More anon.”

Winchell had made the entire story up, not that he ever admitted it. After all, in the weeks that followed, he would get credit for having exceptional police sources—and possibly clairvoyant talents. Because just nine days later, Grace Budd’s mother received a letter in the mail.

Five

The letter began cryptically with the story of a traveler—an alleged friend of the letter’s author—who had sailed from San Francisco to Hong Kong in 1894 as a deckhand aboard a steamer. Once ashore, the sailor had gotten drunk and returned late to the harbor to find his ship gone and himself stranded in Hong Kong, a city then in the depths of a famine. Conditions were so dire, the author wrote, that people had taken to eating the meat of young children—and the stranded traveler “staid there so long he acquired a taste for human flesh.”

Upon his return to New York, the letter continued, the sailor kidnapped two boys—a 7-year-old and an 11-year-old—and, after keeping them tied up in his closet for a time, killed and ate them. “He told me so often how good Human flesh was,” the writer added, and “I made up my mind to taste it.”

On Sunday June the 3, 1928, I called on you at 406 W 15 St. Brought you pot cheese—strawberries. We had lunch. Grace sat in my lap and kissed me. I made up my mind to eat her. On the pretense of taking her to a party. You said Yes she could go.

I took her to an empty house in Westchester I had already picked out. When we got there, I told her to remain outside. She picked wildflowers. I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off. I knew if I did not I would get her blood on them. When all was ready I went to the window and Called her. Then I hid in a closet until she was in the room.

She’d struggled with him, the killer wrote; she’d fought him until he choked her to death. And then, he carefully explained to her mother, he’d butchered the body. He’d taken the best pieces away with him, left the bits and bones behind. “How sweet and tender” she was, he wrote. It had taken him nine days to eat her.

Delia Budd couldn’t read well, and she handed the letter to Eddie. As he read it, the color washed out of his face. He ran for the police station to find Detective King.

King had grown accustomed to crackpot letters in the six years since Grace had disappeared, but this one had the feel of actual knowledge. King had one sample of the kidnapper’s handwriting, a photostat of a note that “Frank Howard” had sent to the Budds regarding the job for Eddie. He pulled it out of the file. The handwriting was identical.

The sender had left the letter unsigned, but he had tucked it into an envelope with a return address imprinted in the corner. Though it was half scratched out with a pen, King could still discern a hexagonal design and the initials NYPCBA: the New York Private Chauffeur’s Benevolent Association.

At the association headquarters, the staff to a man denied any knowledge of the letter. The detective demanded a meeting of everyone who worked in the building, anyone who might have taken a few pieces of stationary. Finally, a janitor reluctantly confessed to taking some envelopes for his personal use. He’d kept them on the wall shelf above his bed in the old rooming house where he stayed.

King went to the rooming house, a tidy brownstone on East 52nd Street. The janitor’s former room was empty, the landlady said; the tenant who had taken it after the janitor moved out had packed up and gone just a few days earlier without leaving a forwarding address. But he was waiting for a check to arrive by mail, she went on, and she expected him to return at some point to collect it. King had been tracking his quarry for six years already; he was prepared to wait as long as it took for him to return.

In fact, it was barely four weeks later that the landlady called King to say her former boarder had indeed come for the check. King grabbed a precinct squad car and hurtled across town. He found his man in the rooming-house parlor. King hesitated at the door. Surely this frail, grandfatherly man in his faded suit wasn’t the killer he’d been chasing all these years.

The detective stepped forward and the visitor stood up. The Gray Man put down his teacup and pulled a straight razor from his pocket.

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Albert Fish (Photo: Getty)

Six

His given name was Hamilton Howard Fish, and he was born in Washington, D.C., on May 19, 1870. He liked to claim that he was related to another Hamilton Fish, the one who had been Secretary of State when he was born. But as a child, he’d started insisting on being called Albert, he said, because other children found the name Hamilton hilarious; he was sick of being called “Ham and Eggs” Fish.

His father, Randall Fish, was a former riverboat captain. At age 75, he’d already had three children by the time Albert was born. The elder Fish died five years later, leaving his widow, Ellen, struggling to support herself and their four children. And young Albert was a problem. He became a bed wetter; he occasionally ran away. At wit’s end, she placed him in Saint John’s Orphanage, a children’s home run by the Episcopal Church in the city’s Foggy Bottom neighborhood. “I was there ’til I was nearly nine,” Fish said once in a jailhouse interview. “And there’s where I got started wrong.”

The orphanage ran by the spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child rule. “We were unmercifully whipped,” Fish recalled. One teacher liked to add public humiliation to the corporal punishment, forcing the children to strip bare and stand before the class. With repetition, Fish found that he enjoyed the experience. The sting of the rod against his skin stimulated him. Watching the other children suffer aroused him sexually. There were days, looking back, when he blamed the orphanage for all his troubles, claiming it had “ruined his mind.” Or perhaps he had been somehow born wrong. “I always had a desire to inflict pain on others,” he explained to a psychiatrist who met with him after his arrest, “and to have others inflict pain on me.”

Instability did run in his family. A half-brother died in a lunatic asylum. So did an uncle, institutionalized for religious delusions. One of his younger brothers was diagnosed as feeble-minded, a 19-century term for people considered mentally deficient. Another brother was an alcoholic; a sister had a “mental affliction.” His mother suffered from hallucinations.

Despite her peculiarities, by the time Fish was nine, his mother had found a steady job and retrieved him from the orphanage. By then, however, he was a changed boy. He’d become a sexual voyeur and began spending his spare time visiting public baths so that he could watch other children undress. By his late teens, he’d started stalking children. He learned how to lure his victims with pocket change and candy. He learned how to take advantage of old buildings and dark alleys. “It never came out,” he told a psychiatrist. “Children don’t seem to tell.”

After he finished high school, Fish drifted through odd jobs. He traveled the country and pieced together a living, all the while hunting, sexually assaulting, and—when he was in the mood—killing children. By age 24, he’d settled in New York, where he found enough work to get by, mostly as a housepainter and handyman. He rented an apartment on Manhattan’s Upper West Side and moved his mother north from Washington to stay with him.

He married in 1898, and his time with his wife, Anna, marked the beginning of the most stable period of his life. They had six children together, and his sons and daughters swore that until 1917, the year their mother ran away with another man, their lives seemed normal enough. After Anna left, their father tried to hold the family together. He’d always struggled to hold onto jobs, but now he took whatever work came his way.

He also began to disappear more often into the city’s shadows. He quit trying to hide his obsessions. Once, he rolled himself in a carpet, insisting that John the Apostle had ordered him to do so. Other evenings he’d stand before his children, whipping himself with a board studded with nails, dancing with delight as the blood ran down his legs.

And there was that memorable night in 1922. They’d rented a bungalow, near the small town of Greenburgh in rural Westchester County, where Fish had been hired to paint the exterior of a church. He worked hard during the day, his sons helping him with the job. But at night, his children watched him run naked through the fields around the house, raising his fists and screaming, “I am Christ!” He was crazy, they thought, and getting crazier.

Still, they were as shocked as everyone else when, after King had subdued him in the boardinghouse parlor, Fish led police back to that same small town, to an isolated little house called Wisteria Cottage. Night had fallen by the time they arrived. The house sat amid a tangle of weeds and bare trees, illuminated by the glare of police lights. Fish walked straight to a crumbling stone wall that curved along the hillside behind the cottage. It took only minutes of digging to uncover Grace’s small, dirt-encrusted skull.

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Wisteria Cottage. (Photo: Getty)

Later, police would find a startling collection of bone fragments in the basement of the house, leading newspapers to speculate that the bodies of dozens of children were buried there. Experts working with the police identified them as animal bones, but the question of how many children Fish had killed continued to bedevil the authorities. He confessed to stalking, torturing, and assaulting 400 children while traveling the country. But although he was a suspect in a long list of child killings—including nearly ten in the New York area alone—he turned silent and tearful when questioned about them. Hadn’t he done plenty already by telling them the story of Grace Budd? “You know as well as I,” Fish wrote from his cell in a letter to King, “that if I had not written that letter to Mrs. Budd I would not be in Jail. Had I not lead you to the spot no bones would have been found and I could only be tried for kidnapping. It was a fate to me for my wrongs.”

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Seven

The words came to him more clearly now. He could hear the angel murmuring its promises if he only obeyed. Be happy, the voice told him. Happy is he that taketh thy little ones and dasheth their heads against the stones.

In mid-February 1935, Fredric Wertham, 39, a thin, bespectacled, German-born psychiatrist, sat down to talk with the Gray Man. Wertham had been hired by Albert Fish’s defense attorney, who planned to fight for his notorious client’s life with an insanity defense.

At the time, psychiatrists like Wertham who worked with the mentally ill, especially within the legal system, were still known as alienists—from the French word aliéné, “insane.” The etymology traced back further, to the Latin of the middle ages, alienare, “to deprive of reason.” The term held another meaning, however, beneath its scholarly surface. There was a sense that alienists studied aliens, denizens of some separate community of craziness. No person, of course, was completely free of shadows, as Sigmund Freud had observed in his influential 1901 treatise on psychoanalysis, The Psychopathology of Everyday Life. But few reached a place where they were so alienated from the rest of society—by rage, madness, circumstance—that they slid into murder, much less took the path of the stranger killer.

Wertham was just starting to make a name for himself as an expert in the science of murderous behavior. Born Fredric Wertheimer in Nuremberg in 1895, he’d studied medicine in Britain and his native Germany before earning a medical degree in 1921. The following year, he moved to the United States, working first at a Massachusetts mental hospital and then in the psychiatric clinic at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. In 1927, he became an American citizen and shortened his name to Wertham.

He moved to New York City five years later to become senior psychiatrist in the Department of Hospitals, where he organized and directed a clinic that screened convicted felons for the city courts. It was that expertise that attracted Fish’s defense attorney, James Dempsey. A former prosecutor with a hard-charging reputation, Dempsey had been appointed by the court to represent the killer. He was the kind of man who took such appointments seriously, and he had put considerable thought into choosing his expert witness.

Wertham was known for his sympathy for the disadvantaged. While at Johns Hopkins, he had done pro bono work for impoverished African-American clients represented by the crusading lawyer Clarence Darrow. Now Dempsey was asking him to take on an unprecedented challenge: He was asking Wertham if he could testify in favor of keeping a now legendary child-murdering cannibal alive.

He went to meet Fish at the Westchester County jail in Eastview, where Fish had been moved in preparation for his trial. By now, the killer was known to the press not only as the Gray Man but as the Brooklyn Vampire, the Werewolf of Wisteria, and—thanks to a rumor that he did his best work by moonlight—the Moon Maniac. Although Wertham should have known better from his years studying criminals, he was somehow expecting a monster, a shimmer of visible evil.

Instead, the prisoner who was led in to meet him “looked like a meek and innocuous little old man,” Wertham wrote in his 1948 book The Show of Violence. “Gentle and benevolent, friendly and polite. If you wanted someone to entrust your children to, he would be the one you would choose.”

This harmless persona came naturally to Fish. He knew how to put it on for strangers. And he wasn’t all that impressed with his earnest interlocutor. “Some doctor came and asked me 1,000,000 questions,” he wrote in a letter to his daughter after his first meeting with Wertham. But Wertham kept coming back, again and again, spending some 12 hours in increasingly intimate conversations with the prisoner. And over the hours, Fish started to talk. “I am not insane,” he told Wertham. “I am just queer. I don’t understand it myself. It is up to you to find out what is wrong with me.”

He talked about the children he’d assaulted in his endless pursuit of pain. Sometimes the children didn’t satisfy him, so he’d find women willing to use a whip. When that wasn’t enough, he lashed himself. When that wasn’t enough, he’d eat his own feces, drink his urine. Sometimes that wasn’t enough either. So he’d burn himself by lighting alcohol-soaked cotton balls on fire in his rectum. And when even that wasn’t enough, he’d drive needles into his body, mostly deep into his groin.

He’d lost count of the needles, too—perhaps there were five still embedded in his flesh, he said. His disbelieving doctor ordered X-rays. Twenty-seven needles showed up on the first scan, two more on a second. They were large, small, some in fragments, some still perfectly intact. Sometimes the pain made him scream. Always the children screamed. Sometimes he wanted that; sometimes he gagged them.

“There was no known perversion that he did not practice and practice frequently,” Wertham later wrote. But as the alienist came to realize, that deeply deviant history—or perhaps Fish’s desire to atone for it—had been contorted into a justification for murder. Fish never forgot the brutal lessons of his old Episcopal orphanage: that all sinners must seek redemption. “I had sort of an idea through Abraham offering his son Isaac as a sacrifice,” Fish explained. “It always seemed to me that I had to offer a child for sacrifice, to purge myself of iniquities, sins, and abominations in the sight of God.”

He told Wertham that he always listened to the angels who came to visit him. They brought him instructions from God. He recited some of them to the alienist, their demands that he beat children with whips or batter them with stones. In the case of Grace, he said, he knew she was a daughter of Babylon and “that I should sacrifice her in order to prevent her further outrage.”

In a cruel way, Grace’s own youthful guilelessness had helped sentence her to death. As Fish disembarked with her from the train in Westchester County, he forgot on his seat a bundle he had carried with him, his “implements of hell,” as he described them to Wertham: a knife, a saw, and a butcher’s cleaver concealed in a cloth. It was Grace who remembered it as she was about to jump from the train. “You have forgotten your package!” she exclaimed, and ran back to the seat to retrieve it. If she hadn’t done so, Fish told Wertham, “the child would now be in her home and I would not be where I am.”

Fish’s account flickered between an odd sense of nobility—his conviction that he’d saved the girl from falling into inevitable sins—and a grisly fixation on the details of her death. He dwelled on the way he’d suffocated and dismembered Grace in the empty house, wrapped and packed the parts of the body he wanted to eat, and buried the rest. Then he’d cooked her piece by piece in the kitchen of his Manhattan apartment, experimenting with onions and bacon, herbs and spices. He sounded, Wertham wrote, “like a housewife describing her favorite methods of cooking.”

The story shifted like a blown flame. Fish spoke of his crime as if it were variously a prayer, an ecstatic thrill, an exceptional dinner. The alienist across the table kept taking notes. “I said to myself,” he later recalled, “However you define the medical and legal borders of sanity, this certainly is beyond that border.”

Fish was by turns open and sly, cooperative and cagey. He would later admit to the murder of Frances McDonnell without hesitation. The story of Billy Gaffney he told only in a letter he sent to his defense attorney, written with the same precision as the Budd letter. Fish explained that he’d taken the sobbing child to a mostly deserted street near a city dump, to an empty house he’d discovered while working on a painting crew:

I took the G boy there. Stripped him naked and tied his hands and feet and gagged him with a piece of dirty rag I picked out of the dump. Then I burned his clothes. Threw his shoes in the dump. Then I walked back and took trolley to 59 St. at 2 A.M. and walked from there home.

Next day about 2 P.M., I took tools, a good heavy cat-of-nine tails. Home made. Short handle. Cut one of my belts in half, slit these half in six strips about 8 in. long. I whipped his bare behind till the blood ran from his legs. I cut off his ears—nose—slit his mouth from ear to ear. Gouged out his eyes. He was dead then. I stuck the knife in his belly and held my mouth to his body and drank his blood. I picked up four old potato sacks and gathered a pile of stones. Then I cut him up.

Detective King and his colleagues had already collected evidence that Fish’s interest in cannibalism long predated the murder of Grace Budd. The old man had treasured a collection of Edgar Allen Poe’s works that included The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket, Poe’s 1838 novel of a sea voyage gone wrong. The novel’s pages howled with bitter storms on ruthless seas, ships carrying rotting corpses, and sailors surviving by cannibalism. Fish had bookmarked it with a packet of needles.

He’d also carried in his pocket newspaper clippings about the German stranger killer Fritz Haarmann, known as the Vampire of Hanover. Between 1920 and 1924, Haarmann had killed and butchered between 27 and 50 young men and boys, slicing them up, eating his favorite parts and selling the rest on the black market, passed off as less ghoulish varieties of meat. Before he was beheaded in 1925, he’d written a public confession explaining how much he had enjoyed all of it.

Fish’s letter about Billy Gaffney rang with a similar glee. He explained in loving detail how he’d cut the little boy into pieces, scattering them in roadside pools of water and muck, keeping the parts he wanted to cook. “I never ate any roast turkey that tasted half as good,” he wrote. “I ate every bit of the meat in about four days.”

In the eight years since her son had disappeared, Elizabeth Gaffney had never given up hope. She set a place for him at the table every Christmas. “I know in my heart and soul that Billy will come back to me,” she confided to reporters. After Fish wrote the letter, the police took her to meet the confessed killer. But for all the bravado in his writing, Fish wouldn’t look at her. He wouldn’t speak to her. He wept and paced and refused to answer her questions. After two hours, she left shaking her head. She would never believe that her son had died that way anyway.

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Eight

On the day before his murder trial, Fish was served a bowl of chicken soup for lunch. Finding several bones in his serving, he sharpened one to a razor-sharp point on the concrete floor of his cell and began slicing himself across the chest and abdomen. The guards rushed to take the improvised implements away, and the bandages didn’t show under his familiar blue shirt and gray suit when he arrived at the Westchester County courthouse on the morning of March 11, 1935 for the first day of proceedings.

The imposing stone building in White Plains was usually the image of judicial dignity; on the opening day of Fish’s trial, it was a carnival. The entrances were mobbed with spectators hoping to see the Gray Man, the werewolf, their local vampire. They jostled for space with the reporters and photographers. More than 250 people jammed into the second-floor courtroom hoping to see the prisoner in the dock. Justice Frederick Close ordered a dozen sheriff’s deputies to guard the doors. He wanted order, he said, and he would only allow as many people into the courtroom as could sit on the benches.

To no one’s surprise, the Westchester County District Attorney’s Office was seeking the death penalty for Albert Fish. Dempsey had been just as clear about his intentions to counter with an insanity plea. It was an approach that had gained in popularity in the previous decades—aided by the rise of alienists such as Wertham who specialized in criminal behavior—but it remained a legal gamble.

The U.S. legal standards for criminal insanity traced back to earlier British law, which itself dated back to the 13th century, when all-powerful kings occasionally pardoned murderers on the basis of madness. The practice was formalized in 1843, when the House of Lords established a legal standard known as the M’Naghten Rule. The rule was named after a Scottish wood worker, Daniel M’Naghten, who killed the secretary of Prime Minster Robert Peel during a failed attempt to murder the minister himself.

M’Naghten, who had complained loudly of persecution by imaginary spies, was acquitted in an insanity verdict. The rule based on his name was inspired by a public outcry against such perceived leniency. It added some legal clarity to the matter, spelling out a basic standard of criminal lunacy: “At the time of the committing of the act, the party accused was laboring under such a defect of reason, from disease of the mind, as to not know the nature and quality of the act he was doing or if he did know it, that he did not know he was doing what was wrong.” And it made clear that the burden of proving insanity rested with the defense.

Whether Albert Fish had killed while in the kind of mental fugue that met this legal standard was the central question of his murder trial. There was, after all, no question that he’d kidnapped, murdered and eaten Grace Budd—he’d signed six confessions to that effect while in jail. But these acts in and of themselves didn’t necessarily reach the standard of the M’Naghten rule. For that, Dempsey had to show that Fish had no sense of the moral wrongness of his actions at the time.

In Fish’s confessions and correspondence, prosecutors thought they’d found evidence to counter that. In his letter to King, for instance, Fish had talked about his “wrongs” catching up with him, an obvious indication that he knew the moral weight of his deeds. The defense in turn argued that the way Fish defined “wrong” was in itself insane. “His test,” Wertham would explain later, “was that if it had been wrong he would have been stopped, as Abraham was stopped, by an angel.”

For Wertham, proving Fish legally insane mattered for reasons reaching far beyond the courtroom in White Plains. Having encountered the poor and otherwise marginalized often in his work, the profile of the typical victims of killers like Fish and Haarmann was not lost on him: They were usually culled from the most unlucky and vulnerable corners of society—the urban poor, minorities, and orphans who were least likely to be missed. If behavior of the sort that Fish had exhibited in the years before his capture could be established as grounds for commitment and treatment, then alienists like Wertham could do real good—they could study and learn how to treat these killers, and thus learn how to protect society from its most deeply troubled members.

Where Wertham saw an opportunity, however, Westchester County Chief Assistant District Attorney Elbert T. Gallagher saw only weakness. To Gallagher, Fish was simply a stranger killer who needed to be stopped, a murderer who would only set down his knives when he was dead. Fish’s attorney might call him insane, but Gallagher wasn’t fooled. He knew evil when it stood in front of him. And he meant to see to it that Fish went not to the asylum, but to the electric chair.

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Albert Fish at the courthouse. (Photo: Getty)

Nine

It was the Gray Man whom Gallagher evoked as he opened the proceedings for the prosecution—the false grandfather who calculated his killings, who knew when to step out of the light and into the sheltering shadows. There was too much cunning in these crimes, Gallagher said, for some hapless lunatic to have carried them out. The killer had used a fake name and invented a story to trick Grace Budd’s parents. He had found an empty house, a safely isolated place where he could take the child. “Don’t put any stock, gentlemen, in this divine-command business,” Gallagher told the jury.

Gallagher had brought a cardboard carton with him to the courthouse. It contained Grace’s splintered bones, and he shook it—the dry rattling reminder of a dead child—to drive home his argument. The nonsense about angels and Christ and the echoing voices in an empty room: That was “merely a smokescreen,” a cover-up, he told the jury. There was no madness here. There was only cold and deliberate method.

To underscore this point, Gallagher paraded four alienists through the witness stand to testify that the accused, while perhaps a little strange, knew perfectly well what he was doing. Foremost among them was Menas Gregory, who, given his past history with this particular killer, could hardly have been expected to say otherwise.

Gregory was the former director of the psychiatric ward at New York’s venerable Bellevue Hospital. The old brick building overflowed with inmates, from the criminal to the suicidal to the merely peculiar. Amid the throng, nobody, Gregory included, had taken any particular notice of one Albert Fish, who was admitted into the ward, observed, and released—diagnosed as abnormal but harmless, troubled but sane.

Fish went to Bellevue on December 15, 1930—less than two years after the murder of Grace Budd. It was a court-ordered evaluation, requested by his daughter, who’d reported that he was showing signs of mental disturbance. Gregory oversaw the evaluation at Bellevue, where Fish stayed under observation for a month. He reportedly startled the nurses by climbing into the bathtub to pray. But, as Gregory admitted during the trial, he and his staff did not spend much time exploring the old man’s religious compulsions. The alienists decided he was definitely off—“psychopathic personality; sexual type”—but sane and safe to set free.

In the summer of 1931, Fish was back in a psychiatric unit, this time at Kings County Hospital, following an arrest. During the previous years—as the police would later realize to their chagrin—he’d been picked up several times on minor grifting charges ranging from embezzlement to theft. The latest arrest followed a complaint about sending obscene letters. When the police arrived at the hotel where Fish then worked for room and board, they found a homemade cat-o’-nine-tails in his room. As the arresting officer later explained, there was just something about the man—he looked so “very, very weird” at the moment of discovery.

The police sent Fish to the hospital, where he stayed for two apparently uneventful weeks. Not once was he asked about the cat-o’-nine tails, though he’d admitted to police that he liked to whip himself with it. None of that appeared in the hospital report. He was “quiet,” the clinic noted: a “cooperative, oriented” old man who, his caretakers concluded a second time, posed no danger to anyone. Not only had Fish—at a time when he’d already proved himself a cannibal killer—been declared a low-risk patient, but he was also now a suspect in at least four child killings that had occurred after his release from the hospitals.

From his seat in the witness stand, Gregory was rigidly defensive about Bellevue’s handling of Fish. His determination to admit no mistake on behalf of himself or his hospital rang through his testimony, sometimes ludicrously. “Do you call a man who drinks urine and eats human excretion sane or insane?” Dempsey asked him during his cross-examination.

“Well, we don’t call them mentally sick,” Gregory replied.

“That man is perfectly all right?”

“Not perfectly all right. But he is socially perfectly all right.”

Dempsey marveled at how little evidence the Bellevue reports contained of time spent with the patient or analysis of him and demanded to know how this could qualify as enough to determine Fish’s sanity. “Since he is not an insane person, the record is not voluminous,” Gregory replied.

“But is there anything about his family background?” snapped the lawyer.

“I can’t find anything here,” Gregory replied, leafing through the papers.

“When do you make a careful inquiry?” Dempsey inquired.

Only when he saw signs of insanity, Gregory replied. Bellevue had to evaluate some 50 patients a day. Its harried staff didn’t have time for careful evaluation of those, like Albert Fish, who showed only average mental stress. “The city does not provide sufficient help to make a complete examination in every case,” he said.

It was a theme picked up by the other state witnesses. One prosecution expert, Dr. Charles Lambert, assured the jury that although Fish had undoubtedly assaulted hundreds of children, and although he definitely had “a psychopathic personality,” he was not actually suffering from any psychosis.

“Doctor,” Dempsey said, “assume that this man not only killed this girl but took her flesh to eat it. Will you state that that man could for nine days eat that flesh and still not have a psychosis and not have any mental diseases?”

“There is no accounting for taste,” Lambert said.

Ten

As the trial entered its second week, the jury gave nicknames to the two attorneys battling over Fish’s fate. They called Gallagher “Bones,” for his habit of shaking that ghastly cardboard carton. They nicknamed Dempsey “I-Object,” because of his perpetual outrage, his jack-in-the-box propensity to leap up to challenge the psychiatric testimony.

But protest alone wasn’t enough to prevail. Dempsey’s witnesses had to be better. They had to compel understanding and, perhaps, even forgiveness for a man who had done so many unforgivable things.

Wertham took the stand first. He did not try to paint a pretty picture of Fish. “This man has roamed around in basements and cellars for 50 years,” he said. “There were so many innumerable instances that I can’t begin to give you how many there are. But I believe to the best of my knowledge that he has raped 100 children. At least.”

And of course there were the murders. The police were still trying to tally the victims. But it seemed, Wertham said, that in his mind his longtime obsession with pain had become entwined with religion. He saw angels, heard saints like John the Baptist giving him orders, listened as their voices translated the teachings of the Bible into blood. He heard instructions to beat and torture: “Blessed is the man who correcteth his son.” And when he drank Grace Budd’s blood and ate her flesh, Wertham said, to him it was something sacred, “associated with the idea of Holy Communion.”

Wertham’s analysis was echoed by the other two alienists called by Dempsey, both well-respected practitioners: Dr. Smith Ely Jelliffe, former president of the New York Psychiatric Association, and Dr. Henry A. Riley, a professor of neurology at the Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons. All three had been struck by the force and power of Fish’s religious delusions. His interactions with his angels were so influential, Jelliffe testified, that the “whole killing of the Budd girl took on the character of a religious ritual.” He talked to a Christ he thought he could see dripping with blood, Riley said. And Christ told him that he needed to protect the girl from “becoming a harlot.” Her death, Riley said, was essentially a virgin sacrifice.

Fish had no rules or sense of right and wrong grounded in anything other than craziness, the alienists argued. He’d been an unbalanced child, deformed sexually by his brutal orphanage experiences. He had a moral compass, but one that rested on hallucinations of vengeful angels, Biblical teachings warped beyond recognition. However that compass spun, it moved in a way that was completely detached from the mores of society—and reality. To a man, all three psychiatrists agreed that here was a deviant, terrible killer—and a man who met every criterion of legal insanity.

“Every maniac, every insane person plans and connives,” Dempsey told the jury. “Every animal, gentlemen, plans and connives. … The fact that a man can connive and plan an outrageous, dastardly, fiendish crime like this is no indication of the fact that a man is in his right mind.” The legal standard of sanity demanded a clear awareness of right and wrong; a man waiting on the dispensation of vengeful angels had no hope of such clarity. “Do you believe before God that Albert Fish was sane on June 3, 1928? Do you believe on that day he knew the distinction between right and wrong? Unless you believe that, gentlemen, if you later find him guilty, it will be on mere breath, not upon evidence.”

By this point in the trial, Fish—whom Dempsey had decided to keep off the stand—looked less like a vampire than like the victim of one. Huddled in his baggy suit, he had grown paler and more transparent by the day. He looked, one journalist wrote, like “a corpse insecurely propped in a chair.” But by the end of Dempsey’s closing arguments, on the morning of March 22, he was in tears.

Gallagher was second to make his closing argument before the jury, and he began by mocking Dempsey’s portrait of Fish, helpless in the grip of his madness. Instead, he called on the jury to “remember the defenseless little innocent Grace Budd,” dying at the hands of a villain of supernatural proportions in a strange and lonely place, calling for her mother.

The criticisms of Bellevue were just a distraction, Gallagher insisted, the tales of divine commandments only more of the same. Dempsey was right to bring up the idea of planning and conniving—because that was just what Fish had done in the kidnapping and murder of this child. From his use of a fake name to his choice of isolated Wisteria Cottage, he had plotted this crime. Gallagher was willing to concede that the old man had sexual abnormalities, but none of them rose to the level of guilt-absolving insanity.

Grace had died in a premeditated crime, a kidnap and murder in the interests of sexual gratification. And the man who planned it did not deserve to live out his days in an asylum. “Do the right thing,” Gallagher concluded, calling on the jury to send Fish where he belonged: the electric chair at Sing Sing Prison.

Eleven

Even the jaded crime reporters at the trial found themselves wrestling with the question of what exactly that right thing was in Fish’s case. They took a vote and found themselves agreed that Fish was legally insane. That afternoon, after the closing arguments, the judge sent the alternate juror home; he, too, told the reporters that he thought Fish was insane.

The 12 remaining men were sent to deliberate at 3 p.m. on Friday, March 22. They broke briefly for dinner at a nearby hotel and then returned to the jury room. At 8:27 p.m. they entered the courtroom, unsmiling, to read the verdict. Fish was guilty of the charges of kidnapping and first-degree murder. In subsequent interviews, the jurors would admit that, like the reporters, they believed Fish to be off-the-charts crazy. But they couldn’t bring themselves to send this kind of killer to a merciful end in an asylum.

Fish sat quietly in his chair as reporters stampeded out of the room in search of telephones. He’d always been good at projecting the image of his choice. His response to the verdict, after the initial jolt, was pallid indifference. He wasn’t afraid of pain, he said; this would be a new way of experiencing it. “I have no particular desire to live,” he had told Wertham.

But if Fish had publicly lost interest in the fight, his champions had not. The proceedings, the shoddy expert testimony, had offended Dempsey’s sense of human decency. He appealed the conviction to New York governor Herbert Lehman, and when he went to meet with him in Albany he brought with him the equally outraged Wertham. In their judgment, Dempsey argued to Lehman, the jury had acted out of fear, not dispassionate justice. It was similar to the superstitious horror of the infamous Salem witch trials, he said. Fish’s conviction “proves merely that we still burn witches in America.”

Wertham, who was accustomed to dealing with the lower reaches of government—public-health bureaucrats, policemen, prison guards—had never before spoken to so lofty an official as Lehman. Going into the meeting, he had in his mind the image of the emperors and kings of old, with whose prerogative the idea of acquitting the insane had originated—the kind of ruler who “had to sit in his capacity as a human being, using his personal judgment to listen and decide,” he later wrote.

“It is not as an expert that I am appealing to you,” he told Lehman, according to his account in The Show of Violence, “because if you had all the facts assembled, including the other murders committed by this defendant, and their circumstances, you would not need an expert. I am not appealing to you for clemency. I am appealing to you as a statesman. In this case all the hairsplitting about legal definitions was just a covering up of a social default. I am asking you to commute the death sentence to lifelong detention in an institution for the criminal insane—and to make this case an example and a starting point for a real scrutiny not of individuals nor individual institutions, but of the whole haphazard and bureaucratic chaos of the psychiatric prevention of violent crimes.”

As he spoke, Wertham glanced at the governor’s counsel, who was sitting beside Lehman; the man nodded, smiling, even, at the alienist’s argument. But Lehman himself sat expressionless. He had no interest in commuting the death sentence of a sexually deviant, cannibalistic child killer. As Wertham recalled the meeting, it was easy enough to tell that they’d lost. The governor looked down at his desk, at the papers outlining Fish’s murderous history. And throughout the meeting, Lehman’s face remained as cold and blank as a stone wall.

The Gray Man went to the Sing Sing electric chair on January 16, 1936. There were those who thought he’d finally fulfilled his destiny, faded completely away into the dust. He walked quietly to the platform where the black chair stood and sat patiently in the apparatus as the executioner buckled the straps and fitted the helmet over his head. “Do you have any last words?” the executioner asked. “I don’t even know why I’m here,” Fish replied softly.

But Fish had also written Dempsey one last letter, a statement that he wanted read as a final farewell. The attorney called the reporters gathered at the prison to describe it. “I will never show it to anyone,” he said. “It was the most filthy string of obscenities that I ever read.” He locked them away, all those pages bubbling with the rage that the killer had kept carefully hidden, even to the end.

Dempsey never did share the letter. But there were days when he could still hear its words, the last echo of a madman’s voice. It drifted like smoke in the air, then blew away.

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Epilogue

Two years after Fish’s execution, the famed psychoanalyst Gregory Zilboorg—therapist to the writer Lillian Hellman, the composer George Gershwin, and the playwright Moss Hart, among others—brought up the killer’s trial in a talk before the New York Neurological Society. By then, the trial and the ethical questions that shadowed it had prompted some serious soul-searching in the psychiatric community. In his speech, titled “Misconceptions of Legal Insanity,” Zilboorg noted the shoddy behavior of many of his colleagues who had testified for the prosecution in the trial. The problem, he argued, was that the psychiatrists had allowed society’s instinct to execute its worst killers cloud their professional judgment of mental illness.

“The issue,” Zilboorg went on, “is fundamentally not between the basic intent of the law and psychiatry, but between a revengeful, suspicious and instinctive hatred of the criminal … and that scientific humility which knows that man is human.” For true justice to be done, he insisted, the two sides needed to be brought to a more common understanding of justice in the case of the truly mentally ill.

The Fish case still echoes through debates over how to navigate the borderland between scientific knowledge and criminal justice. In 2005, forensic psychologist Katherine Ramsland argued in her history of serial killers, The Human Predator, that Fish had been put to death “despite his obvious insanity.” But as Ramsland also pointed out, the criminal insanity defense has never been particularly successful. That was true in Fish’s time and it remains true today. Defense attorneys attempt an insanity defense in barely 1 percent of all violent crime cases for exactly that reason; by one estimate, at most a fourth of such defenses actually succeed.

This remains the case even though the law has been updated several times in the past century to allow for a broader definition of criminal insanity than existed at the time of Fish’s trial. Most insanity pleas that succeed, Ramsland notes, involve plea bargains in which psychosis appears obvious to a judge. It’s more often juries, she suggests, that convict “people who are genuinely psychotic.” In 1992, for instance, the Milwaukee cannibal killer Jeffrey Dahmer, who killed and ate more than 17 people, was found sane at trial.

The best explanation for this is the tension that Zilboorg described in 1938: the extent to which the imperatives of science are at odds with the natural human need to define the most terrifying criminals as the personification of evil. “The problem with calling an act evil rather than considering it an illness is that it often overlaps with the insanity issue and taints it,” Ramsland writes. “If people decide that some behavior is ‘evil,’ they don’t want to believe that a mental defect was responsible; they want the evil person to be supremely punished.”

James Dempsey believed that it was this need to punish “evil” that had complicated the Fish verdict, and he was haunted by the case for the rest of his life. Although he spent many decades as a successful defense attorney, he kept his Fish files and his sense of outrage, eventually sharing the documents with Harold Schechter, a professor of literature and culture at New York’s Queens College. The result was a 1990 book called Deranged: The Shocking True Story of America’s Most Fiendish Killer!

In the years after the Fish trial, Fredric Wertham rose to prominence as one of the country’s best-known criminal psychiatrists, consulting in numerous murder trials. He became a public figure—praised by some and reviled by others—in the 1950s, when he wrote a provocative book called Seduction of the Innocent, on the power of violent images, such as those found in comic books and television shows, to influence violence behavior.

Like Dempsey, Wertham could never quite let go of the Fish case. In a 1966 book, A Sign for Cain, he repeated his conviction that Fish had been wrongly executed and that science had thus lost an opportunity to learn. “Our knowledge [of murderers] is limited,” he wrote, “because we know the psychology only of the unsuccessful murderers.”

Detective William King, too, was intent on learning something from the Fish case. Two years after Fish was executed, he testified before the state legislature, using the Gray Man story to urge new laws requiring a centralized database of fingerprints for known sexual predators. (The state of records in law enforcement in the 1920s and ’30s was such that, at the time of Francis McDonnell’s murder, a 20-year-old mugshot of Fish—looking distinguished in a bowler hat—was on file in the NYPD’s records but wholly unknown to the detectives pursuing the case.)

To this day, the full extent of Albert Fish’s murderous history remains unknown. Credible assessments at the time implicated him in somewhere between five and fifteen killings, though many suspected those numbers to be low. Not long after Fish’s execution, one of the murderer’s relatives paid a visit to Wertham. After they had talked for a while, Wertham asked the man if he had any sense of how many children Fish had killed. His visitor hesitated. “You know, Doctor,” he finally replied, “there were plenty of old, abandoned places.”


Source Notes

This story was recreated from numerous newspaper accounts, court and police documents, papers in law and psychology journals, and earlier tellings of the Albert Fish story in books and magazines. For much of the information on the atmosphere of New York City at the time, I consulted documents that I had gathered for my own book, The Poisoner’s Handbook: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York. I am especially grateful for the thorough work of Harold Schechter in his book Deranged, cited in my epilogue, which is the definitive reference on the story. Other invaluable resources included the books of Katherine Ramsland, who teaches forensic psychology at DeSales University, in Center Valley, Pennsylvania—particularly her studies of serial killers in history, such as The Human Predator and The Devil’s Dozen, and her terrific book on forensic psychology, The Criminal Mind. For further perspective on Albert Fish, I consulted Colin Wilson and Donald Seaman’s fascinating book The Serial Killers, which looks at the history of sex-related murder; Colin and Damon Wilson’s Written in Blood: A History of Forensic Detection; and Louis Cohen’s 1954 book, Murder, Madness and the Law. I’m also grateful for the eloquent writings of Fredric Wertham, including his account of the Fish story in two books, The Show of Violence (1948) and A Sign for Cain (1966). Finally, I’d like to acknowledge the many biographies and original documents concerning Fish available on true-crime and serial-killer websites, such as Troy Taylor’s story in the Dead Men Do Tell Tales series on Prairie Ghosts and Marilyn Bardsley’s version at Crime Library.

The Accidental Terrorist

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The Accidental Terrorist

A California accountant’s coup d’etat.

By Adam Piore

The Atavist Magazine, No. 14


Adam Piore is a former Newsweek general editor. He spent a year and a half in Cambodia in the late 1990s reporting for the Cambodia Daily, the Boston Globe, and the Baltimore Sun. A contributing editor to Discover, he has also written for a wide array of other publications, including Condé Nast Traveler,Mother JonesPlayboy, and Reader’s Digest.

Editor: Alissa Quart
Producers: Olivia Koski and Gray Beltran
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Special Thanks: Yasith Chhun and his family, and journalists Eric Pape, Kevin Doyle, Chris Decherd, Kimseng Men, Sara Diaz, and Nancy Kline

Published in April 2012. Design updated in 2021.

Chapter One

On the evening of February 12, 1999, a man made his way through the potholed streets near Phnom Penh’s sprawling Russian Market, a ramshackle conglomeration of tin-and-plastic-sheeted stalls propped up by flimsy wooden beams and stretching an entire city block. It was the height of the dry season, when the temperature settled just above 80 degrees and stayed there, a nice night to sit in one of the many open-air coffee shops or karaoke bars, order a cold can of Angkor beer for half an American dollar, and croon along with the latest hits from neighboring Thailand. The man approached an establishment popular with Phnom Penh’s Vietnamese population, filled with molded-plastic chairs clustered around cramped tables, and threw a grenade into the café. The explosion that followed sent furniture and people flying through the air.

The next morning, the incident appeared in all the local newspapers—a remarkable fact given that violence in the war-numbed capital was hardly rare and no one had died in the attack. It was not unheard-of for veterans to commit random acts of aggression, especially if they’d consumed excessive amounts of rice whiskey and lost a competition for a favored prostitute.

When two attackers lobbed another grenade into a karaoke bar in Phnom Penh on March 3, this time killing one person and injuring 17, a Ministry of Interior official dismissed it as a revenge attack with no political motive. It seemed a particularly plausible explanation that night because, in a separate incident, a 31-year-old man was shot in the head when he refused to hand over a karaoke microphone to five “would-be singers, suspected to be members of the military.”

Two days after, a rickety wooden shack was attacked in a residential neighborhood. Later that week, a video-game house and another karaoke bar were targeted.

On April 18, after receiving an anonymous tip about another potential attack, Phnom Penh police approached a grassy knoll along the Mekong River, passing wobbly canoe-like boats tied up along the muddy banks.

Five men clad in civilian clothes stood facing an oil storage depot. Large containers of gasoline rested on a riverbank behind locked metal gates. Owned by an ethnic Vietnamese friend and financial supporter of Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen, they contained potentially millions of gallons of highly flammable fuel. One of the five men held a powerful East German antitank weapon. He had been trying—for more than half an hour—to figure out how to fire it.

The police arrived just in time to thwart the attack and arrested all five men. Back at the police station, the men admitted that they belonged to an obscure revolutionary group. The next day, the name of the group, the Cambodian Freedom Fighters, was featured prominently in the newspaper. The leader of the group went by the code name the Thumb.

In reality, the Thumb was an affable, bespectacled California accountant, a cousin of one of the men arrested on the Mekong. His name was Yasith Chhun, and although he would later deny any involvement in these specific attacks, his struggle to launch a revolutionary movement in Cambodia would take him to the limits of American law—and possibly his own sanity. His unlikely journey from suburban climber to international dissident would come to embroil the FBI and U.S. attorney’s office, exposing the sometimes thin border between passionate politics and unhinged extremism. Chhun would become a man who ran the typical immigrant journey in reverse, unmaking the American dream he’d struggled to achieve.

Chapter Two

A year earlier, at the height of the tax season, dozens of people queued up in a parking lot in Long Beach, California, behind the CCC Accounting office. It was 8 a.m., and their aim was a visit with a tax preparer who sat inside, a man with puffy hair and a pen stuck in his shirt pocket.

Yasith Chhun liked to think of himself as more than just an accountant, and in a way he was. People told him their problems and brought him their green card applications. They had him translate American bureaucratese into Cambodian. They asked him what to do when their sons joined the local gang. Eventually, though, all of his visitors handed over their financials, looked across the desk at the Cambodian-American with the thick glasses and gold rings on his fingers, and asked if he could get them a refund.

At the end of tax season, Chhun found himself alone, boxed in by lonely rows of file cabinets stuffed with paper-clipped tax returns. His thoughts traveled back, as they often did, to his birthplace, and atrocious images of his homeland flashed through his mind. He’d shake his head and ask why, addressing the God he’d embraced in a refugee-camp baptism 16 years before. Why couldn’t the people back home have democracy, capitalism, and peace, like in his adopted country?

One afternoon at lunch, Chhun sat in his office watching the latest violence unfold in his native Cambodia. Prime Minister Hun Sen had taken power in a bloody coup in July 1997: Tanks had rolled into the streets of Phnom Penh, and gun battles had raged for three days. The prime minister had recently held new elections, but they had been marred by bribes, voter intimidation, and killings. During the protests in the aftermath, four people had died, and scores more had been injured.

Watching the broadcast of these demonstrators being brutalized, Chhun was suddenly transported back in time. Memories of different oppressors, clad in the black pajamas of Pol Pot’s genocidal Khmer Rouge army, filled his mind. He remembered slaving with massive work crews, digging irrigation ditches, eating leaves and grasshoppers to fill his empty stomach. He thought of the skulls and bones he’d seen in a muddy pond where he’d stopped one scorching day for a drink of water. He flashed back to the murder of his father.

These thoughts stayed with him as he locked up his fluorescent-lit office, climbed into his white BMW 745i, and headed home to a two-story house on the other side of town. The images of violence intruded upon him that night as a waitress poured red wine in his glass and cut off bloody slabs of top sirloin at his table at Green Field Churrascaria, the barn-like Brazilian barbecue joint where he took his kids to eat on special occasions. After he returned home, those same thoughts kept him awake.

That night, the 42-year-old accountant made his decision, one he would later explain was inspired in part by Mel Gibson’s portrayal of the skirted William Wallace, face streaked with war paint, sword glinting in defiance as he charged English oppressors in the movie Braveheart. It was a choice that would enrage one of Asia’s longest serving strongmen, cause countless headaches for U.S. diplomats, and culminate in a pitched early-morning street battle on the other side of the globe.

Chhun decided that he would overthrow the Cambodian government.

Chapter Three

In the epic battle between good and evil that followed—at least from Chhun’s perspective—there was little question who played the villain. Prime Minister Hun Sen, then 45, was a former boy soldier and a consummate survivor, a chain-smoker with a glass eye. He was also a shrewd and ruthless leader who played chess in his spare time. His nation had endured some of the most cold-blooded brutality of the 20th century, and his regime was a fitting coda. Hun Sen himself had commanded an entire division under Pol Pot’s genocidal Khmer Rouge. Several years after the Vietnamese invaded, he had risen, at 33, to become the world’s youngest prime minister.

Four years after Vietnam finally withdrew from Cambodia in 1989, Hun Sen’s political party lost a majority in UN-sponsored parliamentary elections. But he refused to relinquish power, instead reluctantly agreeing to share it with a “co–prime minister” from another faction. Despite the 1997 coup and the brutal elections, after which the government beat protestors, including saffron-clad monks, in the streets, international observers declared the results fair. Hun Sen’s grip on power had been legitimized.

It was a culture in which powerful officials behaved like gangsters: One of Hun Sen’s cronies shot out the tire of an airplane  after the carrier’s handlers had lost his luggage. Hun Sen’s wife was accused of ordering a hit team to gun down the prime minister’s mistress, a beloved karaoke star, in broad daylight while she shopped for a bicycle with her 7-year-old niece. No one was ever arrested.

In the fall of 1998, U.S. Representative Dana Rohrabacher, a staunch anticommunist who’d worked in the Reagan White House, penned a resolution calling for the prosecution of Hun Sen for “war crimes, crimes against humanity, and genocide” during the Pol Pot regime, even though no firm evidence had ever emerged linking Hun Sen to atrocities. He also accused Hun Sen of executing Cambodians during the post–Pol Pot Vietnamese occupation and of ordering a crackdown on unarmed demonstrators, among other things. It passed unopposed.

Yasith Chhun, meanwhile, was busy preparing to take his own action against Hun Sen’s autocratic violence. While Hun Sen ruled from his military compound in Asia, Chhun mapped out his mutinous scheme, surrounded by stacks of 1040 federal tax forms in his Southern Californian accounting office. The business was located on a busy commercial thoroughfare anchoring a strip mall in a family-oriented neighborhood filled with ambitious Cambodian immigrants. Down the street was Willard Elementary, with its orange jungle gym and swing sets, where Chhun had sent several of his children to be educated.

Chhun had written letters to American politicians complaining about Hun Sen, from Secretary of State Madeleine Albright to members of Congress. Nobody wrote back. He’d tried protest, traveling to Cambodia and participating in at least 11 opposition-party demonstrations. The day after he’d left the last one, the prime minister’s goons had heaved grenades into the crowd, killing 16 and wounding more than a hundred.

Given all the bloodshed, Chhun figured that rounding up some revolutionaries wouldn’t be too difficult. He’d get Cambodian exiles to bankroll his revolution. His liberation movement would stage a series of small-scale “popcorn” actions, as he called them, that would touch off an eruption of revolutionary fervor, sweeping Hun Sen from power and ushering in a new era in Cambodian history—democratic and American inspired. This eruption would have a name. He called it Operation Volcano.

Chhun shared his scheme with a local travel agent and a fellow accountant, both Cambodian immigrants. Like Chhun, his allies hated the Hun Sen regime. The trio often lunched together. The travel agent would become the first CFF secretary general; the accountant, its international treasurer.

All three hit the phones to recruit other Cambodian-American exiles. They were fishing in a well-stocked pond. More than 130,000 Cambodians had been resettled in the United States between 1975 and 1985 alone. As the end of the century approached, some reports estimated that the Cambodian community was as large as 500,000. Long Beach was home to the largest Cambodian population outside Asia. Many were haunted by trauma and survivor’s guilt. As a former Khmer Rouge, Vietnamese puppet, and brutal strongman, Hun Sen was an easy man to blame.

By the fall of 1998, when Chhun and his aging assistants flew to Thailand to begin building their army, they had scores of phone numbers of potential recruits, provided by U.S.-based sympathizers with contacts back home. They carried boxes of a CFF book, penned by Chhun, titled Psychological Military Strategies, along with a laminating machine and a still camera to create IDs for recruits. They even brought along an official photographer. They had decided ahead of time that the visit would be historic. Just like Moses, Chhun believed he was answering the call to lead his people to freedom.

Chapter Four

Chhun was born in 1956, in a small city near the Thai-Cambodian border, around the same time the Cold War realists in Washington had begun planting the seeds of the Vietnam War. His family was wealthy by Cambodian standards, with their own tractor  and hundreds of acres of fertile farmland.

By the time Chhun was a teenager, in 1970, the Vietnam War had arrived in once neutral Cambodia. That year, a U.S.-backed general overthrew Cambodia’s King Norodom Sihanouk in a putsch, and the U.S. Army invaded. The toppling of the nation’s beloved monarch outraged many poor Cambodians and dramatically broadened the appeal of radical Maoist Khmer Rouge revolutionaries. Catastrophic U.S. carpet bombing didn’t help matters, either. But Chhun’s father considered the rebels dangerous. Throughout Chhun’s childhood, his father had spoken often about the wonders of democracy and condemned communism. Now he took Chhun to his first pro-government protests. Whenever he learned that revolutionaries had arrived in his native village, the elder Chhun did all he could to keep government soldiers apprised of their dispositions and activities.

On April 17, 1975, Phnom Penh fell to the Khmer Rouge. Overnight, Cambodia became a blank spot on the map, sealed off from the rest of the world. Their leader, Pol Pot, carried out a radical plan to transform the country into a collectivist agrarian utopia.

The executions had already started when Chhun and his family joined the sad exodus of Cambodians driven out of the city by Pol Pot’s army, clogging the roads as they dragged what belongings they could manage. During that long march to the rural farmlands, Chhun caught his first sight of corpses in the distance, left to rot in the fields. Then he spotted bodies in ditches alongside the dusty roads, bloated and covered with a thin sheen of dirt, emitting the smell of decay. Overcome, he vomited.

“Mao Zedong’s genocide has begun in Cambodia,” his father told him in a soft, somber voice. “We will face the same fate. It’s just a matter of time before this happens to us.”

On a hot day in 1977, at the height of the dry season, Chhun was bathing in a river near his house when he heard his mother scream. He ran back to find her unconscious, covered in blood. She was lying atop his father’s lifeless body. Nearby, a group of 12 soldiers stood glaring. His father’s head was almost totally severed, attached to his body by a thin piece of flesh.

“Are you his son?” One of the soldiers demanded.

“No… no… no,” Chhun said. “I am a neighbor.”

“If you are his son, I will cut off your head, too,” the soldier said. “This man is CIA. He is our enemy.”

After the soldiers left, Chhun picked up his mother and shook her until she opened her eyes. When she revived she began wailing, and Chhun felt like “a million needles were penetrating my heart with very poisonous venom.” He wrapped his father’s bloody body in a blanket, dragged him 300 feet from the hut, and buried him under an old mango tree. Chhun’s mother wept day and night for weeks. The rest of his life, Chhun would be haunted by the thought that his father could have avoided execution had he not chosen to return to an area where his sympathy with the U.S. government was well-known. Some of their town’s inhabitants, he was certain, had sold his father out.

Several months later, three soldiers from a nearby Khmer Rouge youth camp came for Chhun and took him away to work. In the months that followed, he slaved under the hot sun for more than 12 hours a day, supplementing the rice gruel provided him twice a day with insects, snakes, rats, mice, and grasshoppers. Sometimes he was so hungry he ate banana roots and leaves to fill his stomach. But, despite his hunger, he could never rest, as soldiers sometimes beat people to death with sticks or set upon fellow workers in full view of others, suffocating them with a plastic bag. Far more often, however, people simply disappeared, never to return.

On Christmas day, 1978, the Vietnamese army invaded Cambodia, and by January 8 it had driven the Khmer Rouge—weakened by internal purges and famine—into the jungle. During the calamitous three-year period of Khmer rule, as many as 2 million of Cambodia’s population of 8 million had died of starvation, disease, or murder. Chhun was one of the lucky survivors. But his nightmare was not over. Khmer Rouge soldiers shackled Chhun’s ankle to the tripod of a giant machine gun and forced him to help carry it through the jungles to the front lines. He was then coerced under enemy fire to drag a cannon across a fallow field into the range of the Vietnamese and fire it at distant soldiers. He was sent to clear minefields and taught to spring ambushes. And slowly he was converted into an anti-Vietnamese guerrilla fighter. To resist meant execution or exile into a jungle filled with mines and starvation.

One day the following spring, Chhun was with a group of soldiers, hiding out in the jungle, when local villagers wandered down a trail. One of them was an agent working for another, noncommunist guerilla group. He told Chhun of a secret camp located 60 miles south, near the mountains. Soon after, Chhun slipped away, to make the perilous journey through occupied territory to the border. When he arrived, Chhun was promoted to captain, and, he says, he “openly declared myself a freedom fighter against communists.” From there he eventually moved on to a United Nations refugee camp, where his path to liberation began.

He arrived in Georgia in 1982, his English still formal and new, with a wife he’d met in a refugee camp and a baby girl in tow. He quickly embraced the American lifestyle. He worked at what he called a salad factory, chopping vegetables, and purchased an old Chevrolet for $500 with his first paycheck. He discovered a passion for American movies—he enjoyed Star Wars and action flicks.

Eventually, he moved to California and started delivering pizzas. Then he traded up to a job in San Dimas, east of Los Angeles, manufacturing police badges. At night he earned his GED and, in time, his accounting license.

Along the way, Chhun divorced his wife and quickly took up with a new woman, whom he met on a neighboring treadmill at the local branch of Bally Total Fitness. She was named Sras Pech, had full lips, and proved willing to put in long hours in his tax business.

By  the late 1990s, Chhun had a total of four unofficial spouses—a practice frowned upon in much of Cambodia but not unheard of in the countryside—and 10 children who relied on him. One night he was spotted dining with his “wives” and many of his children at an In–N-Out Burger, sparking gossip in Long Beach’s sometimes chatty Cambodian community that has yet to die down. As Chhun later explained it, “I am a polygamist, but none of them are married to me legally. I married them with my heart certificate. It’s between me and God.”

Chhun was proud of all he had achieved. He had given his kids a family life that was sunny and American: They played volleyball, jogged on the beach, and played the racing video game Gran Turismo together. But he couldn’t quite shake the past. Despite his pleasant existence in Long Beach, he was haunted by his former life. As a result, he began to develop fantasies of righting the wrongs he had suffered. He started to see himself as Cambodia’s George Washington. 

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Chapter Five

In 1998, Chhun and his compatriots set up their revolutionary headquarters in the border province of Aranyaprathet, Thailand, where a friend’s stepbrother had rented them a two-story house. It was just a mile and a half from Cambodia’s busiest border crossing and not far from neon green rice fields. It was also close to the refugee camp where Chhun had lived before moving to the U.S..

The house became a kind of revolutionary magnet. Veterans of several disparate armies came to meet Chhun there, including Khmer Rouge, the Royalist faction deposed in the 1997 coup, and Hun Sen’s own soldiers. Over the course of the previous year, Hun Sen had cut a deal with the prince he’d overthrown and had lured back many of his troops in subordinate positions; Chhun was certain that many remained disgruntled. (He wondered out loud how Hun Sen’s former troops could not see that the leader intended to “squeeze their necks like sugarcane and throw them away.”)

Most of the would-be revolutionary soldiers arrived by bicycle taxi, traveling over a bridge connecting a Cambodian border town to Chhun’s headquarters in Thailand. When the taxis pulled away from the house, Chhun emerged to greet them as if they were his best tax clients. He’d sit them down in front of four electric fans—one in each corner of the room—and hand them cold glasses of water. Then he made his pitch for a new Cambodia. He always sent the soldiers back loaded down with pamphlets. He welcomed these would-be conscripts all day long. Chhun assigned his recruits code names straight out of a Hollywood thriller. There was Tiger 1, White Snake, Black Cat, and Golden Eagle—animal names were popular, turning the insurgents into a veritable menagerie—as well as 77 and Magic Monk.

For himself, Chhun chose the code name Meday, the Cambodian word for “thumb,” because “the thumb is the most important among all fingers,” he’d put it. “Without a thumb, the other fingers cannot grasp anything firmly.”

In October, after weeks of meet-and-greets, Chhun called his recruits back for a special conference. It was a sweltering day even with the doors and windows open, and Chhun’s shirt was soon soaked through with sweat. He practiced his speech for half an hour as he waited for the soldiers to arrive. Standing at the front of the room, electric fans in each corner, and gripping a microphone, he surveyed a crowd of between 50 and 100 recruits. These commanders formed the backbone of his army, the Cambodian Freedom Fighters.

The revolution would comply with the Geneva Convention, Chhun decreed. It would be supported by a nonprofit corporation formed in the United States, registered legally with the secretary of state of California, where its headquarters were located. Chhun vowed to return to the United States to prepare for the new government, which, he told them, had the support of the U.S. Congress. The house burst into applause.

A few months later, in early 1999, the mysterious grenade attacks ripped through the capital city of Phnom Penh, culminating with the April arrest of those five Cambodian Freedom Fighters caught preparing to blow up fuel tanks. Chhun later denied responsibility for the attacks, but they sent a clear message nevertheless: The revolution had begun.

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Chapter Six

The FBI first paid a visit to Chhun’s East Long Beach offices in September 1999. An agent from the bureau, accompanied by a member of the U.S. Secret Service, arrived to determine whether Chhun had any plans to assassinate Prime Minister Hun Sen, who was set to arrive in New York City and address the United Nations General Assembly.

In the months since he’d returned from Thailand, Chhun’s accounting office had been transformed. He’d tacked up a map of the Thai-Cambodian border and painted a huge  bald eagle, wings spread wide, on the wall above his computer. On the PC tower next to the monitor, Chhun placed a smaller bronze eagle mounted on polished wood. He also hung color photographs of himself in military fatigues holding a weapon and posing with various commanders in the jungle. The centerpiece was the official flag of the Cambodian Freedom Fighters. He’d designed it himself: It contained the American and Cambodian flags, and the crest was in the shape of a police shield.

Chhun talked to the FBI and Secret Service agents about Cambodian politics. He waved his hands and spoke rapidly, with growing energy, about injustice and the need for change. He acknowledged that he and 10 others intended to go to New York City to protest Hun Sen; he said he expected to be joined by as many as 100 more. He told the agent that, yes, he founded CFF to overthrow the government of Hun Sen. It was to be a peaceful overthrow, he claimed.

When the agent asked if Chhun knew of the soldiers reportedly encamped on the border of Thailand, training possible revolutionaries, he denied ever having met any. When she asked about the April rocket attack, Chhun’s excited demeanor suddenly became subdued. He acknowledged that he had read about the failed attack, but he insisted that the German weapons used were very expensive. “We couldn’t afford weapons like that,” he said. Hun Sen was claiming that the CFF was involved with the attacks, Chhun added, but it was a lie.

The FBI agent still found cause for suspicion. As she and her Secret Service colleague were walking out the door, they spotted the photographs of Chhun in civilian clothing standing with fatigue-clad soldiers in the jungle. They asked him whether those were the troops on the border that he had just denied having contact with. He acknowledged that they were. But he still insisted he was nonviolent.

The agents didn’t believe Chhun was telling the whole truth. Back at the local FBI headquarters, they filed a report on their suspicious interview with Chhun. But they had no hard evidence that he was doing anything other than exercising his First Amendment rights.

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Chapter Seven

On and off throughout 1999 and 2000, Chhun went on the road to raise money and line up recruits, hopscotching across the United States like a presidential candidate on the campaign trail. “We have plenty of freedom here,” he would tell potential donors and recruits. “Butterflies should not forget what and where they come from. Wake up, Cambodian-Americans!”

To inspire his supporters, he held weekly meetings where he played clips from American movies—Saving Private Ryan for its portrayal of valor, Braveheart for its heroism, A Few Good Men because the line “you can’t handle the truth” conveyed, he thought, the ruthless nature of doing one’s duty. Chhun sometimes attended these screenings in military fatigues and tunic. He encouraged others to do the same.

Chhun had also received inspiration from the DreamWorks cartoon The Prince of Egypt. When Chhun watched the cruel cartoon Egyptians beating the Jewish slaves, he couldn’t help but see parallels to his own struggle. He was spellbound when cartoon Moses accepted his role as the savior of his people and faced down the ruthless Pharaoh Ramses. By the time God parted the Red Sea and Moses finally led the Jews to liberation, Chhun was weeping. He was certain God was sending him another message: that he was meant to liberate his people.

In May, Chhun summoned CFF delegates from around the nation to the Queen Mary, a luxury liner that had been converted into a hotel and convention center and permanently moored in Long Beach’s harbor. When Chhun heard cheers and enthusiasm from his audience, he started to think of himself not only as Moses but also as John F. Kennedy. (He also claimed he received more than $200,000 from the eager émigrés at the event.)

He met with his “cabinet” to hash out a new Cambodian constitution, with three branches of government—legislative, judicial, and executive, just like the United States—and reform its politicized judiciary, pliant National Assembly, and oppressive prime minister’s office. Chhun and his CFF delegates decreed that if their party came to power, politicians would be required to declare their assets and any stock ownership prior to taking office. They would try to prevent the prostitution and sex trafficking endemic in Cambodia. They would push through anti-infant-mortality initiatives and establish national institutes for language and technologies.

Economic development and smart trade policies would help pay for their plans. But there would be plenty of international aid, too: Almost every year since 1993, the international community had pledged some $500 million in aid, a substantial portion of Cambodia’s gross domestic product. Much of it, Chhun and his cohorts believed, had been plundered by corrupt public officials. Besides, he figured, once he established an American-style democracy, the United States would be eager to contribute.

Chhun kept in regular contact with his military commanders back in Cambodia, keeping apprised of recruitment and training. He knew he had to go back and launch Operation Volcano.

As Chhun’s mother and Sras Pech, one of his wives, prepared to send him on his travels, the mood was somber. No one in his family wanted him to go. But Chhun was resolute.

Chhun’s destination was a three-bedroom French colonial house just across the border from Cambodia in Surin, Thailand. It had a huge four-car garage—perfect for storing equipment. And it was located off the main road, with its own dirt path shielding it from view.

Given the reports he was receiving from his commanders and secret agents in Cambodia, Chhun thought he had nearly enough recruits. Now he prepared to take the final steps toward unleashing Operation Volcano. He installed a computer network to store military data, syncing it with a trusted agent inside Cambodia—a Cambodian-American electronics engineer from Oregon with the code name Magic Monk. It was also synced with his Long Beach accounting office, so he could keep up with his tax work.

He began to distribute the $200,000 from the treasury to pay for radio equipment, cell phones, transportation, food, and computer and office supplies. Much of the money went to the commanders of his army, who, he believed, would use it to pay their soldiers. The more soldiers they recruited, the more money he paid them.

Finally, he set a date—the volcano would erupt in late July.

A June 28 memo to Commander in Chief Chhun from one of his deputies reported a frenzy of activity across the border. Two special agents were working on renting houses in Phnom Penh, to be used in the operation, and reported that they were ready to deliver “50 more” missiles and the materials needed to fire them. They were also stoking popular discontent with small-scale popcorn actions. A team of CFF special agents had detonated a grenade loaded into a plastic container filled with gasoline—the cable assured him he would read about it in the papers—and two more attacks were scheduled.

Chhun kept his cabinet and supporters back home informed about his activities, faxing reports in which he claimed to have met with various Cambodian generals and received more assurances of support. In one, he compared his coming effort in Cambodia to that of General Douglas MacArthur liberating the Philippines in World War II.

Around that time, a Green Beret–trained Cambodian-American named Heng Tek from Alexandria, Virginia, decided to travel to CFF headquarters in Thailand and then proceed across the border into Cambodia to see how the movement was developing. An executive chef by day, Tek had been working as Chhun’s nominal military adviser. When Tek arrived, he saw that things were starting to fall apart. As far as he could tell, nobody in the provinces he visited had even heard of the Cambodian Freedom Fighters. The number of CFF forces the adviser had been able to confirm was far from the 16,000 troops Chhun estimated. Tek couldn’t even find 1,000 people ready to fight. Some commanders, the adviser concluded, were just interested in taking Chhun’s money. Others might participate if things looked like they would go well. They were likely, however, to sit on the sidelines during the crucial early hours, waiting to see what the outcome of a revolt would be.

There were two possible outcomes to Chhun’s plan: overthrow of the government, or the CFF crushed under the heel of the regime. Tek thought he knew which was more likely. Launching Operation Volcano, he warned, would prove calamitous. “You better go back to the United States,” he told Chhun.

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Chapter Eight

Chhun’s face, Tek would later recall, went pale and then reddened. “I came here to do my job,” Chhun told him, rejecting his suggestion. Then he derided the adviser as a “dishwasher”—a grave insult to an executive chef. Tek returned home alone, where he promptly shared his findings with Chhun’s Long Beach board.

Three of Chhun’s most crucial co-revolutionaries promptly resigned, including the travel agent and the accountant buddies who’d been among his first recruits.

Chhun decided to delay the coup for a few months. Then on July 10, he sent a fax to several of his men. “Our ship is ready to hit the bank,” he wrote. “Some weak leaders got more scared and worried since the war is about to explode. Our soldiers here don’t care how U.S. leaders are reacting, since they are the ones that do the fight to liberate our country. We need more tiger style leaders and not chicken ones.”

The next day, two Vietnamese were killed and 15 were injured when someone bombed a Phnom Penh nightclub.

Soon other problems emerged. Golden Eagle, the code name for CFF’s vice president—the man responsible for recruiting the organization’s troops—announced that he needed more than $100 million to carry out the military operation. It was a questionable request, and in any case Chhun didn’t have $100 million. The vice president resigned. Meanwhile the CFF’s treasury had depleted. Chhun says he asked Pech to wire him $100,000.           

At the same time, he drew up a military operations plan that drew on guerrilla tactics. CFF loyalists would pretend to be government troops and raise white flags of surrender. All announcements would be conveyed by screaming or through loudspeakers to confuse enemy troops.

Operation Volcano was rescheduled for November. A week prior to the attack, Chhun summoned some 30 commanders to Thailand to go over final details. They were assigned 291 targets. The commanders were given CFF flags with the signature police-badge crest and bald eagle and told to hoist them over captured buildings.

The plan was that 800 soldiers would wait on the Cambodia side of the border to convey President Chhun to Phnom Penh, where he would remain in a secret location, ready to direct the attacks. He would be accompanied at the headquarters by his trusted aide Magic Monk.

At the appointed hour, four commanders would move their units from their positions to take up the attack, securing targets across the capital city, including the ministries of Interior and Defense, army garrisons, and weapons depots, as well as television and radio facilities, Hun Sen’s personal residence, and many other smaller targets. One commander would later recall leaving the meeting certain that an army of 40,000 stood ready to rise up.

Chhun called Black Eagle, a captain of the weapons arsenal who had agreed to covertly arm the troops.

“It’s almost time to cook,” he said. “Are you ready to give us some ingredients?”

“Yes,” came the reply.

Operation Volcano was a go. 

Chapter Nine

After months of preparation and a frenetic day spent arming troops and testing communications equipment, Magic Monk took up a position on a roof in the center of town. He had received the disappointing news earlier that day that President Chhun wouldn’t be arriving until after the battle. (The reason for his absence was unclear.)

As midnight approached, he anxiously watched the seconds tick down. Then, when the clock struck 12, he waited expectantly for the telltale gunfire or an explosion signaling that the coup had started.

Nothing happened.

In the minutes that followed, he tried to contact his ground commanders. He managed to reach one briefly, but before he could get a situation report he lost the connection. He tried others but got no answer.

Finally, he reached a commander named An Mow, a lean, dark-skinned Khmer in his late twenties code-named Tiger 1. Mow had set up his headquarters near the Ministry of Interior, and he too was perplexed by the lack of action. He had called his subordinate commanders in Phnom Penh and the provinces just before midnight, and they had all assured him they were ready to go. His subcommanders had told him that he had 3,000 soldiers ready to take up arms. What were they doing? The problem, the electronics engineer and Mow decided after much discussion, was that nobody wanted to go first. Mow would have to start the attack himself.

Mow proceeded to a vast encampment of homeless squatters in the rail yards behind Phnom Penh’s Art Deco railway station, the hiding place for a contingent of between 50 and 100 men who had agreed to join the attack. They wore flip-flops and headbands dyed in the orange saffron of Cambodian monks. Some had donned T-shirts emblazoned with an American eagle and the words “Cambodian Freedom Fighters.” They held CFF flags, and they appeared to be drunk on rice wine. All they needed was a little push.

Mow gathered the men together, ordering homeless people who wandered over to leave the area or “go back to sleep.” Then he led his men out of the camp and gave them weapons. Sometime after 1 a.m., heavily armed with semiautomatic rifles and grenades, they broke into the shuttered train station and readied themselves for war.

Key targets—the Council of Ministers, the Ministry of Defense, the state television station TV3—lay just a couple of blocks away on Russian Federation Boulevard, a wide, four-lane concourse separated by a grassy median dotted with palm trees. To get there, all Mow had to do was exit the train station, lead his men about a block past a gas station, and then charge down the thoroughfare.

It was raining and dark outside as Mow ordered the first of his men to head into the street. Outside, a Cambodian National Police commander sitting in the cabin of a truck spotted the first man hopping over the fence as his team patrolled near the train station. Five others wearing orange headbands were right behind him. The police commander concluded that the men were probably chasing a thief and ordered his driver to approach and offer a hand.

“Brother,” shouted one of his officers, hopping off the truck, “what is happening?”

“The Vietnamese are coming!” one of the men in the headbands shouted to his fellow CFFers.

A soldier tossed a grenade, and the others fired their weapons. Thirty to forty more men surged over the fence and lit up the truck with gunfire and grenades. The police commander slumped on the dashboard and played dead. Several other police officers were struck with shrapnel and bullets and fell bleeding to the ground.

Around the corner at a gas station, an unarmed security guard was eating a sandwich and reading the newspaper when he spotted men in headbands emerging from another entrance. One of them approached, pointed his gun, and said, “Stay still, I’m going to shoot you.”

“I am a private security guard,” the man responded. “I don’t have a weapon.”

When the gunfire rang out down the street, the soldier shot the security guard in the leg, tossed a grenade, and walked away.

Mow was still in the train station when the air outside convulsed with explosions and the rat-tat-tat of AK-47’s and M-16’s suddenly opening up at once. He charged out the exit and spotted the bullet-riddled police truck and officers bleeding on the ground. Some were screaming for help.

“Stop firing!” he yelled as he approached a police officer cowering behind the truck.

Mow ordered his men to continue on toward the boulevard and had others help him move quickly among the wounded policemen, taking their weapons. One police officer saw the CFF soldiers approach him trying to take his rifle as he lay bleeding on the back of the truck. “I’m Cambodian police,” he said. He attempted to crawl away, but the man threw another grenade at him. It blew off part of his foot.

Mow’s men had turned onto Russian Boulevard and encountered the first government troops. As Mow ran to the front, several of his men were struck by bullets and thrown backward. Lying on the ground, they screamed for help. Mow fired into the dark, aiming for the muzzle flashes down the road. He was having trouble seeing the government soldiers ahead. But from the flashes it was clear that they were up against at least 20 men and perhaps many more. The government soldiers were ready—it was as though they had been waiting for the freedom fighters. One after another, Mow’s men were hit. He ordered them carried back from the firing line. Then he and his men advanced toward the entrance to the Ministry of Defense as continuous volleys of gunfire raged for almost two hours, according to Mow.

Then Mow heard a chilling sound in the distance, the clanking rumble of an approaching armored vehicle. Soon, two Russian-made personnel carriers rolled into the middle of Russian Federation Boulevard, turned their turrets toward Mow’s cowering force, and fired four machine guns capable of unleashing 600 rounds of armor-piercing bullets per minute. The bullets pounded into the Council of Ministers and Ministry of Development buildings, ripping chunks out of the walls, and tore into several CFF soldiers.

Soon after, in what some later dismissed as a bald publicity stunt, Phnom Penh’s governor drove his armor-plated Chevrolet into the middle of the boulevard, headed straight for the cowering attackers, and shouted, “I’m taking back my town!” (According to later reports, he had received word of the impending attack at least three days before.) Mow called his commanders together and quickly ordered a retreat to the railway station. He collected the rifles from the soldiers around them, threw them on a pile, and told them to flee. Then he sat down on the pile and waited to be arrested.

A small group of men had also charged a base on the outskirts of town, about four miles from the site of An Mow’s assault on the Ministry of Defense. One reporter who later visited the site recalls being told that the defenders had advance warning and that the attackers had been quickly repelled. According to the reporter, there hadn’t been more than five people firing their weapons.

Chhun was nowhere on the scene. He’d stayed in Thailand through the entire would-be revolution. “Our hopes,” Chhun remembers telling those gathered around him in his Thai headquarters, “have melted away.” He then called whatever commanders he could reach and told them to melt away.

At least seven people were killed and 12 wounded in the attacks that night. Though Chhun’s electronics engineer had briefly made radio contact with one commander, the connection had dropped before he could determine whether he, too, was attacking. The two small-scale insurrections launched by Mow and his men were the only ones carried out that night. It was not Washington’s Potomac. It was, as one journalist wrote, “pathetic.”

Chapter Ten

As news of the bizarre events that night filtered out, journalists, political analysts, and diplomats in Phnom Penh were immediately cynical. Who were the Cambodian Freedom Fighters? Were they even real? Truckloads of CFF soldiers were driven to the Municipal Police headquarters, bound, and blindfolded—they all looked like clueless farmers from the provinces. Some said they had been offered a few dollars to hold a gun. And though the bullet holes were certainly real, by the standards of Phnom Penh’s battle-hardened press, NGO, and diplomatic communities, the attacks of November 24, 2000, were laughable. Even harmless. One diplomat referred to the CFF as “the gang that couldn’t shoot straight.”

The diplomatic repercussions, however, were immediate. Within hours, Hun Sen had accused the CFF of orchestrating a terrorist assault on government offices, revealed that his government had had advance knowledge of the plan, and demanded that the U.S. arrest Yasith Chhun.

To the sleep-deprived diplomatic staff at the U.S. Embassy, the news that the attack appeared to have been orchestrated by an accountant from California came as a shock. They had been woken up in the middle of the night and conveyed straight to a secure situation room to monitor the unfolding events, focusing on ensuring the safety of American expatriates.

“Oh, my God. An accountant in L.A.?” one diplomat remembers saying. “No shit? This is amazing!”

Some in the diplomatic corps requested American authorities investigate the matter to determine whether any U.S. laws had been broken. Conspiracy theories circulated. Hun Sen had been under increasing pressure by the international aid community to slash the size of his military budget. Opposition leader Sam Rainsy had been gaining support among the populace. Could the coup have been a staged event intended to serve as a pretext for more military funding and a violent crackdown on nonviolent opposition groups? Or had the group somehow been co-opted by secret agents and manipulated into a fiasco?

The morning after the attack, Chhun received a call from one of his missing commanders in Phnom Penh: He and some of his team had fled through the Cambodian border crossing at Koh Kong to Thailand, the commander said. They needed help. Chhun sent a truck to pick them up.

An hour later the phone rang again. Now it was one of Chhun’s special agents with devastating news. The electronics engineer from Oregon had tried to catch a flight to Thailand out of Cambodia’s Siem Reap Airport and had been arrested. Reports of other arrests soon poured in. As Chhun began to piece together the events of the previous night, he realized that not only had the government been ready and waiting at the locations targeted by An Mow and his troops, they also had the names of those involved in the CFF and were rounding them up one by one. Within 24 hours, the government had arrested at least 58 of his men.

Then, just as Chhun was planning to flee to Bangkok, one of his secret agents called: The government had supposedly placed a $3 million bounty on Chhun’s head. Soon after his cell phone rang. It was a call from a prominent genocide researcher in London, phoning on behalf of Amnesty International, who had obtained Chhun’s cell-phone number from his Long Beach office.

“Your life is at risk,” Chhun recalls the human-rights researcher telling him. “If you fall into Hun Sen’s hands, your life is over.”

He told Chhun to find a safe place to hide.

Others warned Chhun that if he attempted to escape through the Bangkok airport, he would be arrested immediately. He would have to go overland to Malaysia instead and catch a flight back to the United States from there. They advised him to wait until Thailand’s elections, more than a month away, when much of the country would be distracted.

Chhun’s nephew lived in Bangkok, and Chhun hid out at his apartment with ten other CFF delegates, all of them from the United States. They called Chhun’s accounting office in Long Beach daily to keep up with the latest developments. Sras Pech tried to lift Chhun’s spirits, assuring him that she supported him and had their business under control. She continued to wire him money.

Meanwhile, a Cambodian-American jewelry-store owner who lived in suburban Virginia took to the podium at a National Press Club event in Washington and publicly claimed responsibility for the CFF attack.

Around the same time, Chhun rented a taxi and took a six-hour drive to the Thai and Malaysian border. He handed his passport to the customs officer and waited anxiously as the official entered his information into a computer. Chhun tried to read the screen over his shoulder: In his anxiety, he forgot he knew no Thai. Chhun’s tourist visa had expired some 40 days earlier, but he was ready. He handed over a stack of 16,000 baht—about $520—and the agent stamped his passport. Chhun walked about 100 yards before he heard a commotion behind him.

“Chhun Yasith! Chhun Yasith!” someone screamed.

A chill ran down Chhun’s spine, but he sped up and did not look back, willing himself through the Malaysian customs booth and out of reach of Thai agents. Then he caught a taxi to Kuala Lumpur Airport and flew back to L.A.

Chapter Eleven

Chhun was deeply depressed when he arrived home from Thailand. He didn’t eat for two days and kept telling Pech how sad he was. “He tended to believe only what he wanted to hear,” a psychiatrist would later write of Chhun. Chhun realized, in retrospect, that he was getting advice from “two different directions and that he tended to believe the individual who said that he had many thousands of soldiers behind him when he had only a few poorly armed soldiers.” Chhun recognized too late, wrote the psychiatrist, that “he used poor judgment.”

In the days following the attack, more than 200 people were arrested across Cambodia. Many were later released, but 32 were brought to trial the following June, charged with conspiracy, terrorism, and membership in an illegal armed group. Human rights organizations accused the Cambodian government of denying their new captives adequate counsel. Thirty citizens received sentences ranging from three years to life in prison. Three of Chhun’s captured recruits—including the electronics engineer and An Mow—received life sentences. Chhun was sentenced to life in absentia. When the verdicts were read, the wives of some of those sentenced wailed and fainted in the courtroom.

The following November, 25 more men were convicted, and 64 additional suspects were rounded up. Many of these Chhun had never heard of. Opposition leader Sam Rainsy told the L.A. Weekly that Yasith Chhun’s Operation Volcano was “the greatest gift to Hun Sen” because he was able to use it as an excuse to round up and incarcerate political opponents.

Despite these setbacks, Chhun, like many revolutionaries before him, was reenergized by the media attention. He listed his address and phone number in Long Beach on the CFF website and greeted visiting reporters as if they were old friends.

“We’re definitely going to try again,” he told one.

The U.S. government has “never given me a red light,” he said. “That means there’s a green light.”

Not long after, staffers for Thomas Reynolds, the chairman of the National Republican Congressional Campaign Committee, called and asked Chhun to raise money for them in the Cambodian community. He was appointed to the committee’s business advisory council. He attended a fundraising dinner for George W. Bush.

As the months passed without an arrest and Yasith Chhun continued to speak openly of revolution and prepare tax returns, many speculated that he was being protected from prosecution by powerful allies in Washington.

Two months after the failed coup, however, the FBI returned to Chhun’s office to interview him. The accountant seemed eager to talk and cheerfully welcomed them in. “I’ve been waiting for you guys to come talk with me,” he told Special Agent Donald Shannon, a tall, beefy former infantry officer assigned to the FBI’s joint terrorism task force.

“Well, we’ve been waiting to talk to you, too,” said Shannon.

Chhun appeared relaxed, dressed in a white-colored shirt, the top buttons undone, and casual business slacks. He led the agents to an office in the back, offered them soft drinks, and asked them to sit down. Then Chhun pulled out a stack of photographs. Some depicted Chhun in the jungle meeting with various commanders. One showed his companion Sras Pech wearing makeup and full camouflage, draped with bandoliers and holding a semiautomatic rifle while striking a sultry pose.

Chhun showed the agents the constitution he had drafted. He pulled out the medals he had ordered from his old employers in San Dimas to hand out to Cambodian Freedom Fighters worthy of recognition. He displayed pictures of his fundraisers on the Queen Mary, talked up the CFF website, and offered the agents a business card: “Yasith Chhun, President, Cambodian Freedom Fighters.”

Yes, he had hoped to overthrow the government, but in “a peaceful way to minimize loss of life,” he told them. He had simply told disgruntled commanders in the Cambodian army that America supported them and “would like to see Hun Sen overthrown.” He reminded the agents of Congressman Rohrbacher’s resolution that labeled Hun Sen a war criminal.

Shannon listened carefully, skeptical of Chhun’s account. He noticed the oversize military map of Cambodia on the wall behind Chhun’s big wooden desk, with notations in grease pencil. Planning a military attack from the U.S. against a nation with which the U.S. was at peace was a violation of the Neutrality Act, Shannon thought to himself. Launching an attack overseas with intent to kill and destroy property was also illegal.

Soon, a new garbage man showed up on the Long Beach Sanitation Department truck that arrived once a week to empty Chhun’s dumpster. He was an undercover FBI agent. Once a week, at four in the morning, a groggy team of agents waited at the city dump out by Long Beach Airport, rakes at the ready to comb through Chhun’s garbage. Chhun shared his dumpster with the Indian restaurant next door, which meant the agents had to plug their noses against the smell of rotting food, brush maggots off of the voluminous tax papers coming out of CCC Accounting, and stare down menacing seagulls voraciously eyeing the bounty. Often, after the agents finished the job of combing through the trash, Shannon would try to raise morale by offering to buy breakfast. He never got any takers.

One morning, the agents found a scrap of paper that made it all seem worthwhile. It read: “Volcano 2.” Chhun did, in fact, seem to be planning on trying again. They wondered if an attack was imminent.

On September 11, 2001, at 5:46 a.m.—8:46 Eastern time—Shannon and two other agents sat in a bland government sedan outside CCC Accounting’s office preparing to execute a search warrant. They were listening to the radio. The first plane hit the World Trade Center. A few minutes later the second plane hit, and Shannon knew the world was about to change. He called his boss immediately to ask if he should return to help deal with what was now clearly a terrorist situation.

“You might as well execute the warrant today,” his boss told him. “Who knows when we’ll be able to get back to it.”

Chhun arrived at work a couple of hours later to find his office cordoned off.

“Don, this is a very sad day for the CFF and Americans,” Chhun told Shannon outside. Shannon explained that he was executing a search warrant and told the  accountant to go home for the day.

The warrant turned up what would later prove to be a treasure trove of documents establishing Chhun’s deep involvement in the botched coup. But it would be months before anyone at the FBI would have time to devote their attention to the case again. The U.S. was at war with Al Qaeda. Shannon himself would be transferred to the FBI’s Washington headquarters in 2003.

Before he left, Shannon returned to Chhun’s office one last time, wearing a wire, to see if he could get the loquacious accountant to incriminate himself.

Chapter Twelve

On Shannon’s last visit, there were more pictures. Chhun had just returned from a White House dinner, where he had dined with President George W. Bush and some 7,500 other business supporters. The photos showed him eating filet mignon, seated with a police chief from Texas and a general who served in the Korean War.

Then Chhun answered a series of questions in ways that seemed to directly implicate him in the violation of a number of U.S. antiterrorism laws. He admitted to traveling to Thailand and devising a plan to overthrow the Cambodian government. He talked about his 291 targets, his plans to arrest Cambodian leaders. He acknowledged that his actions might have caused the loss of life. He mentioned George Washington.

When Shannon left for his new post in Washington, D.C., he believed that the assistant U.S. attorney was nearly ready to indict Chhun. But then the assistant U.S. attorney became seriously ill.

Almost a year later, Chhun was still a free man when a reporter from The New York Times arrived to write a story on him. During the visit, Chhun compared Hun Sen to Saddam Hussein, who had recently been removed by U.S. troops after years of vocal activism by Iraqi exiles like Ahmed Chalabi. (The reporter had also visited Representative Rohrabacher, who compared Hun Sen to Adolph Hitler. The congressman told the reporter that if armed resistance in Cambodia had any chance to win, “we should be happy” to aid them.)

When the reporter asked Chhun about the FBI investigation, he laughed. The FBI had visited his office three times since 2000, Chhun said. He told them he was planning more violence and showed them his files. They went away.

“Next time,” Chhun boasted, “We will attack the whole country.”

In the winter of 2005, however, Chhun’s file landed on the desk of assistant U.S. attorney Brian Hershman. Hershman looked the part of the successful, conservative American lawyer: Thick brown hair swept back off a high, pale forehead, cut high and tight around the ears. The curling, thin-lipped half-smile of a born skeptic. He’d grown up in St. Louis watching 1980s legal bellwether shows like L.A. Law and the movie The Verdict, graduated summa cum laude from Berkeley, then went on to Yale Law School. He was not the sentimental type, and he had little patience for lawbreakers.

“We want you to look at this,” the deputy chief of the fraud division told him one day as he dropped off Chhun’s file. What were the appropriate charges, and could the case be indicted? the deputy chief asked Hershman. The case was “important,” and the office was committed to providing whatever resources Hershman needed “to make sure it’s done appropriately.”

Hershman had never heard of the Yasith Chhun case before.

As Hershman dug into the files, he found the first allegation against Chhun relatively routine: The accountant and Pech had apparently been claiming earned-income tax credits for a number of unemployed clients on welfare, filling their forms with fictitious jobs. It was certainly an indictable offense and worthy of prosecution. But Hershman had seen antics like this many times before.

The other charges, though, got Hershman’s attention in a hurry: a coup d’état? In his 12-year career, Hershman had seen his share of violent cases, bank robberies, drug transactions, and other smaller crimes. Never anything as glamorous as this.

As Hershman dug into the bizarre case, he realized he would have to move fast. There was no statute of limitations on one of the possible charges: conspiracy to commit murder. But the clock was ticking on some of the others, particularly violating the U.S. Neutrality Act. He would have only a few months to reach his conclusion.

Hershman read the New York Times article “The Strip Mall Revolutionaries,” in which Chhun had all but confessed to the crime and boasted that the FBI supported him—an assertion the agents now assigned to the case had read with no small degree of shock. The article depicted Chhun as a hapless dreamer, not entirely in touch with reality but relatively harmless.

While Chhun’s actions might well have been criminal—that Hershman needed to determine—maybe, the agent thought, he was just misguided, making foolish decisions because he was a true believer in democracy in Cambodia.

A few weeks later, Hershman began to interview witnesses, and his opinion started to change. Early on, he traveled east with a new FBI case agent, Miguel Luna, to visit Chhun’s military adviser, the one who had warned him so vehemently that Operation Volcano would be calamitous. They sat in Heng Tek’s cramped apartment in Alexandria, the pungent smell of fish oil wafting through the air, and listened as the slight, aging former soldier recounted his warnings to Chhun. And that’s when Hershman’s internal outrage meter first began to quiver.

Tek, Hershman recalls, told them he had quickly come to the realization that Chhun’s generals were trying to take his money and that there was no realistic possibility that the coup could succeed. They were recruiting people who really had no resources. And by offering them a little bit of money, they were likely sending those people to their deaths.

It’s one thing to be misguided and believe in a cause, Hershman thought. It’s another to essentially send people to their slaughter knowing that you have no chance of success and no real idea of what you’re doing.

As Hershman began to look more deeply into the case, he decided Chhun was perhaps not so unique after all. He resembled a well-known archetype in the fraud unit of the U.S. attorney’s office, that of the classic narcissist or snake-oil salesman, selling a story that “wasn’t at all tethered to reality,” generally for their own personal benefit.

Earlier in his career, Hershman had been involved in the prosecution of Victor Conte, the man who founded the Bay Area Laboratory Cooperative (BALCO), which enlisted high-profile athletes to help peddle nutritional supplements of questionable efficacy while secretly providing them with illegal designer steroids. The scandal ensnared baseball’s home-run king Barry Bonds and track star Marion Jones, and earned Conte international media attention. Hershman had also prosecuted Lynne Meredith, the celebrity tax protestor whose best-selling books and sold-out seminars convinced millions of people that taxes were voluntary.

While Conte had gained prestige due to his close access to famous athletes and Meredith had amassed money and notoriety, Hershman concluded that Chhun’s motives were equally clear: He was trying to escape from his mundane existence in his tax office. “He was not going be a tax accountant anymore,” Hershman says of Chhun’s desires. Instead, he “wanted to run a country.” While Chhun had no ability or knowledge to achieve this, Hershman says, the entire operation was “very much about his personal desire to be more important than he was.” Chhun didn’t listen to his military adviser’s warning to go home because “he had his own agenda and his own narcissistic beliefs,” Hershman says.

Later, Hershman would fly to Cambodia, where he met with people who had been maimed in the attack, as well as relatives of some of those killed. He sat through depositions with Chhun’s lieutenants, who had been sentenced to life in prison. Sitting in a dingy room in Phnom Penh, Hershman and his team provided them with bottled water, and it seemed to him that they were behaving as if he had just given them “a lobster dinner.”

“This water is so clean,” one the men told him. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had water that tastes this good.”

When he heard them extolling the water, Hershman’s personal outrage meter tipped. He had already made his decision: Yasith Chhun deserved to go to prison for a very long time.

As the statute of limitations approached its final days, Hershman entered the office of his division chief and rendered his opinion: They should move to indict Yasith Chhun.

Chapter Thirteen

Chhun was indicted May 31, 2005, charged with conspiracy to kill in a foreign country, conspiracy to damage or destroy property in a foreign country, and engaging in a military expedition against a nation the United States is not at war with. The most serious of these charges have been used repeatedly in recent years in cases against Al Qaeda terrorists tried on U.S. soil. They carry a potential penalty of life in prison without possibility of parole. Both Chhun and his companion Sras Pech were also indicted on 19 counts of federal income-tax fraud.

A federal agent arrived at Chhun’s East 10th Street office with a Long Beach police sergeant Chhun knew, asked him how he was, then signaled an arrest team of between eight and ten agents. The couple were held in separate cells overnight, then sat together in the same room one last time before Pech was released. Even then, neither expected the separation to last.

In the years that followed, Chhun would switch attorneys four times. Prosecutors and attorneys made at least two trips to Phnom Penh to interview witnesses. The trial finally began in 2008, by which point Hershman had already left the U.S. attorney’s office. Before he departed, Hershman says he sat Chhun and his attorney down and told them he was giving them one last chance to make a deal. The stakes were high; Chhun was facing life in prison. “We have overwhelming proof,” Hershman told them. In exchange for pleading guilty, Chhun would be allowed to make a presentation to the judge and request leniency, and the devastating evidence would not be presented.

Hershman had been troubled by the impact the attacks had had on those who were injured. The police officer set upon outside the train station had placed a mangled foot on the table and wept. Hershman heard about a stray bullet that had gone through a wall and had hit the father of a newborn baby. The father died in his wife’s arms.

Once those victims are on the stand, Hershman argued—once the judge and jury saw “what I saw,” as he put it—it would be very difficult to convince the judge that a sentence of life in prison was not appropriate.

Chhun rejected the deal.

On April 16, 2008, after two days of deliberation, a jury found Chhun guilty of three counts of conspiracy and one count of engaging in a military expedition against a nation the United States is not at war with. Two years later, the judge sentenced him to life in prison. In March 2011, he was sentenced to 37 additional months for tax evasion.

Chhun’s current attorney, Richard M. Callahan Jr., filed a 74-page appeal with the Central District of California, seeking to overturn the conviction. The most poignant argument contained in it was that his client had been a victim of shifting political winds, a sacrificial lamb offered up in exchange for Cambodia’s cooperation with the war on terror. Callahan noted that Hun Sen angrily accused the U.S. of hypocrisy for failing to vigorously pursue Chhun after he returned from Cambodia, but the U.S. ambassador Kent Wiedemann had responded that the two countries did not have an extradition treaty and that it was up to the U.S. to determine whether Chhun had broken any U.S. laws. “It’s not the business of the Cambodian government,” he said.

After 9/11, however, the Bush Administration began to consider Southeast Asia a second front in the global war on terrorism, focused especially on the radical Islamic group Jemaah Islamiyah. This, Callahan writes, caused a “pendular shift in U.S.-Cambodian relations. Cambodia was taken off the list of illegal drug producing countries. The following year, Secretary of State Colin Powell signed an agreement with Cambodia  to strengthen counter-terrorism training, exchange financial and immigration data, and work to create joint programs.”

All the while, however, Hun Sen’s government complained that Chhun remained a free man. “At this point, we are wondering that if the U.S. is the master of the fight against international terrorism, why is the U.S. ignoring this terrorist case,” Hun Sen said in 2001. “What is the real value of the U.S. suggestion to Cambodia to offer cooperation against international terrorism?”

When Chhun was finally indicted, Hun Sen told reporters the arrest was “part of the cooperation in the fight against common terrorism that both Cambodia and the United States have an obligation to.” In a memorandum, the U.S. ambassador to Cambodia, Charles Ray, conveyed his “appreciation and congratulations to the L.A. Division, to the U.S. Attorney’s Office and to all those who moved this case forward.” Within months of Chhun’s arrest, FBI Deputy Director John Pistole made a trip to Phnom Penh to announce plans to establish an FBI office in the U.S. Embassy and train Cambodian police in counterterrorism measures. He presented awards to Cambodian officials “in recognition of their important contributions to the prosecution of the Cambodian Freedom Fighters counterterrorism case.”

“The correlation between the opening of the new FBI office in Phnom Penh and the prosecution of Mr. Chhun was unmistakable,” Callahan wrote. At the ribbon-cutting ceremony, FBI Director Robert Mueller noted that Cambodia would serve as an important country in the U.S. antiterrorism campaign because of its potential to be used as a transit point or base for terrorism.

“Mueller then noted that following the inauguration of the FBI office in Phnom Penh,” according to Callahan’s appeal, “the United States intended to make Yasith Chhun ‘face justice in the near future. … Before 9/11, Hun Sen was viewed by the United States government as a murderous despot.” After 9/11, he wrote, “the playing field changed; the rules changed, and the priorities changed. Hun Sen didn’t change; the world did.”

The U.S. attorney’s office has not yet completed its response. But those involved in investigating and prosecuting the case deny it was ever politicized.

Special Agent Shannon says he was serious about investigating the case from the start. Far from sealing Chhun’s fate, 9/11 only delayed it, he insists. After the attacks on the twin towers, his attention, like that of many in the bureau, turned to Al Qaeda.

“If it weren’t for Chhun, we would never have had to work on this together and we would never have gotten this colleague-type atmosphere with Cambodia,” Shannon says. “This case opened up doors into working drugs, working fugitives, working human trafficking, child-prostitution rings, and all that stuff, because those doors and those lines of communication were open. The momentum just kept going.”

Chhun is still in prison, outside Scranton, in northeastern Pennsylvania. He resides in cell 217 at the high-security United State Federal Penitentiary-Canaan, a sprawling complex surrounded by rolling green hills. He is allowed to watch television, read books, and email and call his family. He says he is “in hell, but stronger than I was outside.” None of his former CFF comrades have remained in contact: Many are scared that they, too, will be prosecuted. They will not speak about Chhun. Yet Chhun still has hope for the future. Ever the optimist, he believes his case will be overturned on appeal.

He finds solace in God and still draws lessons from American films, including Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ, which follows the final hours of the Messiah’s life, ending with the resurrection. “When Christ was arrested and escorted to be crucified, his followers turned their backs on him,” Chhun said recently. “Part of the story is similar to mine.”

My Mother’s Lover

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My Mother’s Lover

A true story of romance, war, and two families’ search for the man who bound them.

By David Dobbs

The Atavist Magazine, No. 05


David Dobbs writes features and essays for publications including The Atlantic, The New York Times Magazine, National Geographic, Wired, and The Guardian. Several of his stories have been chosen for leading science anthologies; most recently, his much-discussed feature “The Orchid Children,” was included in Ecco/HarperPerennial’s Best American Science Writing 2010. He is now writing his fourth book, The Orchid and the Dandelion (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt), which explores the genetics of temperament—and the idea that the genes underlying some of our most troublesome traits and behaviors also generate some of our greatest strengths and accomplishments.


Additional Reporting and Sound/Video Editor: Olivia Koski

Fact Checker: Kathleen Massara

Copy Editor: Sean Cooper

Designer: Jefferson Rabb

Music: Nicholas Thompson

Editor: Evan Ratliff

Special thanks to: the Zahrt Family, Alice Colwell, Cynthia Jane Dobbs, Allen Dobbs, Ann Dobbs, Herman Dobbs, Sarah Violet Kerrigan, Kathy Hall, Jimmie Holland, Chris McDermott, Maryn McKenna, Adam Rogers, and Steve Silberman



Published in June 2011. Design updated in 2021.

Twenty Questions

The February after my mother died, my brother, Allen, left his New Mexico home and boarded a plane for Honolulu. He carried a backpack that carried a rosewood box that carried our mother’s ashes. The next day, on Maui, he bought six leis and rented a sea kayak. With the leis in a shopping bag and our mother’s ashes in his pack, he paddled into the Pacific.

That day nine years ago was the sort one hopes for in the tropics: warm and balmy, with a breeze that pushed cat’s paws over the water. Beyond the mouth of the bay he could see rising plumes, the spouts of humpback whales gathered to breed. He paddled toward them. When he was closer to the whales than to the shore, he shipped his oar and opened his pack. He pulled out the box and sat with it on his lap, letting the boat drift. He watched the distant spouts. Without any prelude, a whale suddenly but gently surfaced about 30 yards in the distance and released a gush of air. It bobbed, noisily breathed, and dove.

Allen wouldn’t get a better cue. He lifted the leis one at a time and dropped them onto the water. They formed a loose, expanding circle around him. He turned the latch on the box and opened it; the contents looked denser and darker than he expected. They shished and gently rattled when he tilted the box. He had traveled a long way to bring her here, but there wasn’t much to return. Five pounds of hard ash. He tilted the box and poured her into the sea. Evelyn Jane Hawkins Preston Dobbs, as if eager to get there, dove straight for the bottom.

Four months earlier, she had been lying in a bed in Houston’s Methodist Hospital, where decades before she and my father had trained as physicians and where she had given birth to four of her six children. She had long been fearsomely strong. Tough? we used to joke. Our mother’s so hard you can roller-skate on her. Now she struggled to breathe. Her once thick hair lay thin and dank. Tubes fed and drained her. Purpura stained her skin. She was 80 years old and had been sick for most of the previous decade—breast cancer, hip replacement, bowel obstruction, pelvic stress fracture, arthritis, pulmonary fibrosis. She’d had enough. “A stroke,” she said. “Why can’t I just have a stroke and die?”

Allen, an emergency-room doctor, stood at the head of the bed holding her hand. “Mom, I hate to say it. But a fatal stroke is about the only thing you don’t seem at risk of.”

“Damn it, Allen, I’m a doctor, too,” she said. “I’m quite aware of that.” Allen looked at us helplessly. Until then it had seemed as if the world would need her permission to finish her. Now she had given it. She closed her eyes. Allen shuffled. No one said anything. After a while she said, “Children, I want to talk about later.”

“OK, Mother,” said Sarah. Sarah was the fourth of the six children, the one who lived nearest to her and had done the most to look after her. “What about later?”

“When I’m gone,” she said, “I’d like to be cremated.”

This was new. In the past, she had talked about getting buried next to her father, who was in a leafy cemetery in Austin.

“OK,” said Sarah.

“And I want you to spread my ashes off Hawaii. In the Pacific. Will you do that for me?”

“Sure, Mom,” said Allen. “We can do that.” My mother smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

“Mother?” Sarah asked. “May we ask why the Pacific?”

She closed her eyes. “I want to be with Angus.”

We children exchanged glances: Had anyone seen this coming? Heads shook, shoulders shrugged.

What we knew of Angus was this: Angus—the only name we had for him—was a flight surgeon our mother had fallen in love with during World War II, planned to marry after the war, but lost when the Japanese shot him down over the Pacific. Once, long ago, she had mentioned to me that he was part of the reason she decided to be a doctor. That was all we knew. She had confided those things in the 1970s, in the years just after she and my father divorced. I can remember sitting in a big easy chair my dad had left behind in her bedroom, listening to her reminisce about Angus as she sat with her knitting. I remember being embarrassed, and not terribly interested.

I was interested now. Even 30 years before, her affair with Angus had been three decades old. Now, 60 years after he had fallen into the sea, she wanted to follow him.

“Of course,” said my brother. “We’ll do that for you, Mom.”

A week later, seemingly on the mend, she was sent home to the elder center where she lived. For a week or so she continued to gain strength. But then she started to have trouble breathing, was admitted to the home’s care center, and, on her second day there, suddenly stopped breathing. Despite a standing do-not-resuscitate order, the staff tried three times to revive her, to no avail. The doorman told me later that when the ambulance arrived and the medics rolled her out, she was “blue as can be, Mr. Dobbs. Blue as can be.” The hospital, too, tried to bring her back, and they were still trying when Sarah arrived. By that time, our mother was brain dead but alive and could breathe only with a tube. Exactly what she sought to avoid. Sarah gathered her strength and told the nurses that this was against her mother’s wishes and she must insist they remove the breathing tube. “It was like jumping off a cliff,” she told me later. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was harder than pushing out a kid.” The nurses called the doctors. As they pulled out the breathing tube, my mother bit down on it. Sarah screamed, “Oh my God she’s fighting for life!” The doctors assured her that this was a common reflex and tugged it free.

Then they left. Sarah sat next to the bed and put her head next to my mother’s and held her hand. With the tube gone, her breathing slowed. Sarah cried against her neck. It took about 10 minutes. Finally, the room was quiet.

An hour later, my brother, sitting in his car on the side of the highway in New Mexico, called me to tell me she had died.

“So it wasn’t a stroke,” he said after we’d talked a while. “But at least it was fast.”

“Have to admire it,” I said, laughing. “Mom always got pretty much what she wanted.”

Or so a child likes to think.


By the time Allen got her to Hawaii, three months had passed. After the memorial services in Texas, I returned to my home in Vermont, where the coldest winter in a generation had the place in a lock. When I opened Allen’s email describing the ceremony he had fashioned, I sat at a desk overlooking the North Branch of the Winooski River, frozen three feet deep and topped by three feet of snow. I read my brother’s email, looked at the pictures, looked out my window, read his email again. I wondered how much you could discover about a person 60 years dead when all you knew about him was that his name was Angus, likely a nickname. I’d had three weeks to ask my mother such things before she died—three decades, actually—but had not. Now, with the snow outside and Hawaiian light sparkling in my head, I picked up the phone and called my mother’s cousin Betty Lou.

“What do I know about Angus?” said Betty Lou, repeating my question. Betty Lou has a beautifully soft north Texas accent. She was down in Wichita Falls, Texas, where she and my mother had grown up together, sometimes in the same house, much as sisters.

She took a deep breath. “Well, there’s not a whole lot I knew about Angus. But I knew his real name was Norman, I’m pretty sure it was, and he came from Iowa. He was divorced. They met in San Antonio when he was stationed there awhile. She was out of her head with that man. At one point, when he got stationed to Hawaii, she followed him clear out there for a while. He ended up getting sent way out in the Pacific—Guam, Iwo Jima, somewhere like that—and got killed right near the end of the war.”

“How’d she find out?”

“Somebody in his outfit wrote her. Letter actually got there after the war ended. And that letter, David, just about destroyed your mama. She could not be consoled. Weeks. I’ve never seen anybody grieve like that. Before or since. She did eventually pick herself up and go on, because you knew her, David—your mama was a strong woman. She even scared me sometimes. But I’m not sure she ever got over losing Angus.”

“You remember his last name?”

“Best I recollect, was Z-something. Zert, Zaret, Zart. Something like that.”

“You sure it started with a Z?” I asked. “That could make things a lot simpler.”

“I hope so, David. Because beyond that it gets pretty dang complicated.”

It took me about 20 minutes online to find a copy of the World War II Honor List of the Dead and Missing, State of Iowa. The book was just scanned pages, not digitized, with the names listed alphabetically by county. All I had to do was scroll down to the end of each county’s listings, past the Adamses and Joneses and Moores and Smiths and Thompsons. There were not too many Zs. I found him about halfway through the book, at the end of the listings for Johnson County:

ZAHRT NORMAN E 01700383 CAPT M

The M meant he was missing.

I started searching genealogy sites for anyone in Iowa named Zahrt. Every time I found someone, I sent an email saying I was seeking information about a Captain Norman E. Zahrt, who was a close friend of my mother—sometimes I phrased it as “a dear friend of my mother”—who according to a letter she received was either killed or went missing in action toward the end of the war. I sent about a dozen of these emails and got a few replies, all negative. After a couple weeks, I opened my email one morning and found a new response:

David,

What a surprise to get an email from you. Yes, my father is Norman Zahrt. My mother is Luella. Norman and Luella had two children: David born Sep 37 and Christy born Jan 40. I have attached a file which I presume you can open. It is Norman’s graduating medical school class. Please let me know whether or not you can identify Norman.

I don’t have words to describe the mixed emotions that come to me when I revisit this issue. I’ve come to learn that in the process of growing up one accumulates scars. And that the challenge is learning to own your scars, and live them.

You can imagine that this inquiry fills me with questions.

I didn’t have to imagine the questions. He listed 19 of them:

1. What prompted this search?

2. How long has the notion of this search been ‘brewing’?

3. What brings you to the point of finding Norman’s descendants and asking these questions?

4. What is your mother’s name?

5. What was your mother’s occupation?

6. Do you have a picture of her you could share with us?

7. Are you certain that Norman and your mother met in San Antonio?

8. If so what was your mother doing at the time in San Antonio?

9. Was your mother in the military?

10. Was she assigned to Hawaii?

11. Did she travel to Hawaii with the express purpose of seeing Norman?

12. Did your mother affirm that Norman was divorced, or did you receive that information from a secondary source?

13. Who was Norman’s friend who wrote to your mother after the war?

14. Is Norman’s friend still alive?

15. Can we reach Norman’s friend?

16. Is your father still alive?

17. Can you tell us a little bit about your father?

18. Did he know that his wife wanted to be with Norman?

19. What else can you tell us about your mother?

As you can imagine this is, to say the least, an interesting surprise. My sister and I would like to entertain a continuing exchange with you, but this is probably enough to begin with.

david

I had never seen a note at once so prosecutorial and generous. I dithered for days. Finally, I wrote and answered all 19 of his questions as best I could.

When David, along with his sister, Christy, responded, they did so with an openness that showed they really did want to own their scars. My mother posed as big a mystery to them as their father did to me. We began a long collaborative search—dusty records, strained recollections, tree-shaded graveyards—that ends, for lack of a better marker, with the story I’m about to tell you.

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Angus and Evelyn Jane on arrival in Hawaii, 1944.

San Antonio

For years my mother wore a gold locket. When I was a boy, I liked to pull it up from inside her blouse on its chain, tugging it up from between her breasts so I could squeeze the curved button that ran along one edge and make the curlicued gold cover, heavily sprung, pop open to reveal a photograph of my mother’s grandparents. On an elegant chair sat her grandmother and namesake, Ivy Evelyn Stone, a formidable-looking woman wearing a full skirt, a fuller blouse, and an immensely confident expression. Next to her chair stood her husband, Gene, a railroad engineer in their hometown of Wichita Falls. Especially in Wichita Falls, a railroad town, this was a high-status position then, like that of an airline pilot 50 years later. He is dressed in suit and tie, hair slicked, with his hand on the back of the chair.

I viewed this portrait as a fair representation of the distant world from which my mother came: a stable, solid existence full of aunts and uncles and her mother and father and grandparents all living toughly but carefully in the high bright sunstruck towns of north Texas. The picture agreed with the steady, accomplished, morally sturdy person I and many others knew my mother to be. But it hid the fact that she came from a world that moved violently beneath her feet.

When my mother was young, her grandmother Ivy Evelyn, the one in the locket, was about the only person in her life that moved steadily, trainlike, along predictable lines. My mother’s own mother, Clara Lee, ran fast and wobbly. In Wichita Falls, she earned a reputation as a rounder, meaning she got around. Soon after finishing high school, Clara Lee moved to Dallas, where she met and married George Hawkins, an 18-year-old busboy who shared her notion of a good time. This notion quickly produced my mother, Evelyn Jane, but it did not produce a steady marriage. They split within a year. Clara Lee took my mother back home to Wichita Falls, and Clara Lee’s mother soon found herself tending young Evelyn Jane, first occasionally, while Clara Lee went out, and then full-time, when Clara Lee fled alone back to Dallas. Ivy had barely finished raising Clara Lee to adulthood. Now she was raising Clara Lee’s 2-year-old.

My mother proved a cheerful, obedient girl—an ardent student popular with her schoolmates and lively and memorable enough to appear in a novel (If Wishes Were Horses, now long out of print and unobtainable) that a childhood friend wrote a couple decades later. She grew up keenly aware of what constituted proper behavior. Dark remarks about her mother stung. Yet, soon after she graduated high school, she got serious with a local man named Carroll Preston, and within a year she married him. She was 19, and he was only a year older. In some ways, this marriage seemed to reject Clara Lee’s errant path for Ivy’s straighter track. The story about my mother’s wedding on the society page of the Wichita Record-News, October 8, 1940, mentions her mother only at the very end. Still, soon after the wedding she became pregnant. Preston tried to make a go of it, working at a restaurant, but there are hints she found him boring, and they soon divorced.

And so at 22, Evelyn Jane Hawkins Preston found herself in a position remarkably similar to the one her own mother had occupied two decades prior: She had a high school degree, a young daughter, a divorce, no husband, and few work prospects, and she lived with her parents—who, after an interval of almost 20 years, had remarried each other. This actually made Clara Lee’s sixth marriage and George’s fifth, for they had both married promiscuously since their divorce. This marriage, however, would last almost 25 years, until George died in 1967.

That my mother’s parents steadied only after letting others raise her must have chafed. Yet my mother made the most of it, letting Clara Lee help raise Lynn and, in an elegant Oedipal coup, enjoying some time with her father, whom she adored. A picture from this period shows my mother dancing with her father before a Christmas tree: she trim and pretty in a dark dress, he dapper and nimble in a pin-striped suit. Somewhere off-camera, presumably, Clara Lee tends to Lynn.


It was about this time, in 1943 or early 1944, that my mother took a job at one of the cafeterias at Kelly Air Force Base, just outside San Antonio. The war was in full roar, and the base was growing rapidly, with pilots and crews training for the Army Air Forces.

Sometime in 1943, one of those crews brought Norman Eldridge Zahrt to Kelly. Norman had arrived in Texas the year before, bringing his own overstuffed baggage. Born January 5, 1915, he was almost six years older than my mother. He had lived a fairly ordinary boyhood in Marengo, Iowa, where his parents farmed corn. He did his share of farmwork, fished, and shot photographs, publishing at least one, of a tornado spout, while in high school. He was strikingly handsome and known for surprises. He surprised his family, for instance, by becoming the first Zahrt to attend college, at the University of Iowa in Iowa City, 30 miles southeast of Marengo.

He surprised them again in the middle of his senior year by eloping with Luella Sprague, who had graduated as valedictorian at Marengo’s only high school and was attending a teachers college in Iowa City. During their Christmas vacation in 1936, Norman and Luella drove 200 miles west to Elk Point, South Dakota, a border town suited to a quick wedding. David, their first child, arrived exactly nine months later. Luella dropped out of teachers college. Norman finished his bachelor’s and then startled everyone further by entering the University of Iowa medical school. Christy, David’s sister, followed the year Norman got his M.D., 1940.

In the fall of 1942, when Norman was starting an obstetrics residency, he was drafted by the U.S. Army Air Forces. He went to Florida for basic training and then, over a 14-month stretch beginning in January 1943, to several Texas air bases. He fetched Luella, David, and Christy from Iowa, and they settled in Houston, where he sometimes worked at Ellington Air Force Base. David and Christy remember the house being on Houston’s western outskirts so Norman could easily travel west to San Antonio. Sometime that year he met my mother.

If Luella felt any foreboding at all this change, it would have been hard to separate from a wariness natural to her experience. Her father died two weeks before she was born. Her mother died when she was 3 years old. When she was 9, her adoptive mother died.

Now, in January or February of 1944, when she and Norman and the kids had been in Texas for just over a year, Norman informed Luella that he was going to Mississippi. There he would train as a flight surgeon for the Air Forces’ Fourth Emergency Rescue Squadron, or 4th ERS, a new sort of outfit that would specialize in rescuing pilots shot down over water. It was hazardous duty and would pay accordingly. He would train for three months in Gulfport Mississippi, then head for the Pacific. In March he put Luella and the kids on a train to Iowa and moved east. About that time, he wrote his best friend from college, Don Reese, that he was trying to arrange for his lover, a woman named Evelyn Jane whom he had met in San Antonio, to follow him to Gulfport. When they could not pull that together, they turned their focus to Hawaii. My mother, aided by an acquaintance of her father’s who was in the Army Air Forces, secured a job in Oahu, where the 4th ERS was to move in July. To get the job, she had to sign a contract promising to stay for a year. She left for Hawaii that summer, probably June, by way of Seattle.

She was chasing a man with two small children. And she was leaving her own 3-year-old, my half-sister Lynn, with the very parents who had abandoned her 20 years prior.

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Evelyn Jane and Angus, October 1944.

Hawaii

Of their time in Hawaii no letters survive, nor diaries, and Angus’s military records are skeletal. But there are pictures, and the pictures tell a tale.

Angus had time to take a lot of them. The 4th ERS found themselves mostly idle in Hawaii, waiting for planes coming from the West Coast and then for the Allies to take and secure the bases in Guam, Saipan, and Iwo Jima that were the 4th’s ultimate destination. Angus performed physicals on the men and taught swimming—something, as a fellow medical officer in the unit later said, it seemed it might be useful to know.

Dozens of his photos now occupy an album my mother left in a box full of other things so varied and trivial that my sister almost tossed the whole lot. The leather cover is crumbling, and the thick pages have browned, but the photos, corner-mounted, remain sharp and clear. Amid pictures of buddies in flight suits, of Angus smoking in the bubble of a gunner’s window on an Army plane, of men playing cards, of a tired-looking Angus reclining bare-chested in a plywood easy chair, are pages and pages of Angus and Evelyn Jane.

They look like newlyweds. One photo appears as if it could be a snapshot of the day my mother came off the boat. It bears no date but carries a distinct air of arrival. She and Angus are walking down a sidewalk still patchily wet in the Hawaiian sunshine, as if a shower has just passed over. My mother, who liked to dress up, looks sharp in a tailored trench coat and sunglasses. She carries a newspaper under one arm and smiles cheerfully but with a slight wariness, as if the picture is a bit more than she would like on the record. Close beside her—there isn’t an inch between them—walks Angus. He wears his khaki uniform and leather jacket. He beams.

If my mother looks a bit recalcitrant in that photo, she seems to have lost all such reservations by October, the date on the back of a series of 10 photographs of the couple playing with a half-dozen puppies on the front lawn of a ranch house. Several photos show one or the other of them holding a puppy, and a handful of photos show both of them with the puppies, first standing and playing with one wiggly, short-haired pup, then sitting on the grass playing with the entire litter. A house stands conspicuously behind them. While it’s possible that this was someone else’s house and someone else’s puppies, no one looking at these pictures would think so. They reek of an effort to record a happy domesticity. They are family portaits. Of course, they probably were not living together; it’s hard to see how Angus would have been allowed to live off base. Yet the two of them certainly seem, to use a phrase of delicacy my mother would later favor, familiar with each other.

Other shots show Angus and Evelyn Jane with a merry group of young men and women in bathing suits playing croquet on a wide lawn, with palm trees beyond; posing on a porch, with my mother looking particularly lovely; and in a scandalous, highly posed shot, with the two of them lying on the beach on their sides, propped up on their elbows and facing each other. They gaze out at the sea, but they are all but pressed against one another in the sand: a half-roll and a juicy smooch and they’d be Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster.

They look good, even marvelous in some of these photos. Yet, in others an anxiety seems to pervade. They had to know that their time together would end in war. And they had left kids behind. You can’t find a single photograph here that looks the same when you view it with that in mind.

Around the time these photos were taken, Angus wrote Leulla asking for a divorce.

One later photograph looks very much like the one of her arrival yet utterly different in its subtleties. Again they walk down the street, again a sailor passes behind. This time, though, palm trees rise in the background. Angus wears his summer khakis with no jacket, and a soft garrison cap has replaced the billed crusher he wears in the earlier picture. His tie is tucked into his shirt placket. My mother also wears a khaki suit, skirted. It bears above the left breast an insignia that seems to be wings. She has got herself into something, some auxiliary outfit supporting the USAAF. She’s doing her part.

So what’s different? They look hot and tired, and where before perhaps an inch separated them, now a foot of tense emptiness stands between. Angus, hidden behind aviator sunglasses, walks slightly in front and to one side. He manages a defiant dignity by looking straight at the camera. But my mother turns an ashen face away from both Angus and camera. She looks distinctly as if she wishes she were somewhere else. Was she suddenly feeling ashamed? Had she and Angus been fighting? Had the regrets latent in the earlier photographs broken into the open? Or had the rolled-up papers in Angus’s front pants pocket—awkward to carry but apparently too important to discard—brought bad news?

Bad news found them at least twice in Hawaii. The first time was in late November, when Luella wrote Angus refusing the divorce. Whether Norman told my mother of this setback no one knows. The other ill tidings arrived in December, when the Army Air Forces ordered the 4th ERS to Saipan. Angus would ship out in January. Evelyn Jane, having signed on for a year, would remain in Hawaii—her lover 3,000 miles west, her daughter 3,000 miles east—another six months.

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Angus, deployed in Saipan.

To War

The Fourth Emergency Rescue Squadron sailed from Oahu on January 19, 1945, aboard the USS President Johnson, a transport ship that had been around since 1903. It stopped at Midway, then, dodging Japanese subs on the way, reached Saipan, in the Mariana Islands in the far western Pacific, on February 6. According to a surgical tech’s account, the Johnson arrived with 10 female crew members: “seven WACs, two WAVES, and one Nurse, all pregnant. We just couldn’t avert everything.” The 10 women took the next ship home. The men met their duty.

If Norman craved adventure, the deployment almost surely answered. The Emergency Rescue Squadrons had been formed in the summer of 1943 to consolidate the Army Air Forces’ prior efforts to rescue air crews shot down or forced to ditch. In Europe, the ERS units worked out of the United Kingdom and, later, Italy. In the Pacific, they hopscotched west and then north along the long curve of coral archipelagos—New Guinea, the Philippines, the Marshalls, the Marianas, and finally Iwo Jima—that the Allies took to secure bases in their slow, bloody push toward Japan. Taking these islands required some of the war’s most horrific battles, indeed some of the most savage fighting the world has ever known. Hundreds of thousands died. The battle of Iwo Jima alone killed almost 7,000 American servicemen and some 19,000 Japanese. During this push, the ERS units played a small but critical role. Before their arrival, 80 percent of the Allied pilots shot down in the Pacific theater died or were taken prisoner. Once the Emergency Rescue Squadrons began working out of their far Pacific bases in 1944, they rescued more than half of the downed pilots, saving several thousand men. Angus’s unit alone, in the roughly 200 days it spent at Saipan and then Iwo Jima, flew 862 missions, rescuing 577 airmen.

The ERS crews relied heavily on two planes. One was the B-17, the flying fortress that was the war’s busiest bomber. The B-17 could fly up to 2,000 miles, and pilots and crews loved it because it could keep flying after suffering extraordinary damage. Dozens of these planes flew home with huge holes torn by anti-aircraft fire or enemy fighter planes. One survived having most of its nose torn off. Another famously had its tail section all but severed in a collision with an enemy fighter yet still made it back to base, where the tail collapsed on landing. B-17’s also ditched well, floating up to half an hour, whereas the B-29’s and B-25’s that shared bombing duties in the Pacific usually sank in seconds. The B-17’s used by the rescue squadrons were adapted at the factory to leave the bomb-bay area largely empty. Each carried under its belly a 27-foot lifeboat that could be dropped by parachute to downed airmen.

The rescue squadrons also flew the Catalina PBY— a flying boat. The Cat’s wings and engines sat atop its boat-shaped fuselage, allowing the plane to land and take off in seas with waves as high as six feet. The PBY served well as either patrol plane or light bomber. Several squadrons’ worth, the Black Cats, were painted flat black to hide them from radar and anti-aircraft gunners when dive-bombing Japanese ships at night. Like the B-17, the PBY had enough range to support distant bombing missions. It carried a crew of eight, some of whom manned heavy machine guns in the plane’s nose and sides if the plane encountered fighters.

Rescue could be dangerous, dirty work. In the Pacific, the crews typically flew in support of the endless sorties of heavy bombers and support fighters that were attacking Japan every day. As the warplanes neared their targets and began taking fire, the rescue planes would hang back and circle, monitoring their radios for word of downed planes. If a B-17 found a crew in the water, it would drop its boat, then radio for a ship or submarine to rescue the pilot. A PBY might do the same or attempt a direct rescue.

These attempts were always risky, as the PBY was slow, lightly armed, and not terribly sturdy. Even successful rescues could be harrowing. One such rescue, for instance, occurred in March 1945, when a Navy Corsair fighter-bomber was shot down just 300 yards off the island of Koror, a thousand miles east of the Philippines. A Navy PBY piloted by a lieutenant named Fred Hopkins went in for the rescue, despite heavy anti-aircraft fire from shore. As Hopkins descended, a round of flak slammed the bottom of the plane so hard that Hopkins turned and headed offshore, expecting to have to ditch the plane. When his crew found they weren’t holed, he circled back and landed near the downed pilot as artillery shells exploded so close they threw water onto the plane. The crew tossed the swimming pilot a line, but the plane’s tail passed over it and tugged it from his hands. Hopkins spun the plane around for another try, but again the line slipped the pilot’s grasp. Finally, Hopkins drove the plane practically right over the downed pilot. The crew leaned out of the gun blister and hauled the bleeding pilot in by his life jacket, and Hopkins spun the plane into the wind and took off. They got the pilot back to base alive.

By the time the 4th ERS reached Saipan, Angus and his mates had heard such stories and plenty more with sadder endings. The Allied advance had taken enough territory from the Japanese that everyone knew what might await a crew shot down and captured. One PBY crew had been downed, captured, tortured, and then, as a spectacle to raise morale for the Japanese, dragged one at a time before the assembled troops, made to kneel, and beheaded with swords. This is why even pilots who didn’t know how to swim ditched at sea rather than on land.

Angus and his mates lived first in tents, then in plywood huts. The photos Angus mailed to my mother—most of them two-inch-square prints, a few blown up larger—show him and his buddies first building and then living in these large, open barracks. He sent shots of his mates playing cards and posing in combat garb and flight gear—Angus wearing full leathers with a fur collar, a bulky parachute, and a Mae West life vest, a .45 automatic on his hip. He took many shots of long, photogenic B-29’s with hyperfeminized mascots painted near the cockpit: Long Distance, a lounging, gowned brunette talking on a telephone; Heavenly Body, a bikini blonde astride a 500-pound bomb; Battlin Betty III, a Grable likeness curled atop a crescent moon. On the back of a two-by-two-inch print of a B-29, Patches, adorned with an absurdly leggy hillbilly blonde, Angus had written:

28 April 45

Saipan

“It ain’t necessarily human” —

look at the angle on that – uh – er – –

breast.

The angle of which is indeed most improbable.

Angus, perhaps enjoying extra privilege as both a captain and a doctor, received a corner area in the barracks, with room for a plywood writing desk and easy chair. The album holds a notable quartet of photos of Angus sitting in that chair. In one he reads. In another he smiles groggily. In a third he appears to sleep. In the last, he looks as if he’s tiring of either the photos or the photographer or the war or everything. On the wall behind him in these photos, tucked into a strap in his hanging suit bag, is a large print of a brunette in pinup pose. She reclines, apparently on a bed or couch or floor, with her arms up and bent so that they frame her face, her hands gently holding her wrists on the cushion just above her head. Within this tiny two-by-two-inch print, the pinup occupies less than an eighth of an inch square. I had to use a loupe to tell whether the woman was wearing a blouse. I had to use a magnifying glass and a bright flashlight to see that she was my mother. 

It’s not clear how often they wrote. Mail moved slowly—weeks to clear the censors, miles, chaos, and bureaucracy between Saipan and Oahu. Later, when my mom had returned to San Antonio, the letters, three or four weeks old, came every week or two. For six months, though, separated from both lover and daughter, she had only the mail with which to bind what she hoped would be a new family. Apparently, nothing in Angus’s letters made her doubt those hopes. Yet the war promised to stretch on endlessly.

Lost

Pushing the Japanese across the Pacific had required enormous savagery and persistence. No amount of firebombing—the USAAF was incinerating thousands, even tens of thousands of civilians a day now—seemed to weaken Japan’s resolve. Almost no one knew about the atomic bombs that would soon fall and speed the war’s end. By June, when my mother sailed back to the States, the Allies’ plans called for five more months of heavy bombing followed by a massive ground invasion. Most people expected the war to run into 1946.

On July 22, Angus wrote my mother asking if she had gotten back to San Antonio yet. He complained of heat, dust, bad food, thirst, of never getting enough water, of waking during a sudden storm to try to catch rainwater with the tent flaps only to have the rain stop as soon as he was outside and wet. He bemoaned “the 2-3 inches backwards you slide in this sand with each step, which makes me very tired.” All that, he wrote, “coupled with an extreme lethargy from the heat, I guess, left me pretty depressed. There’s nothing very good about this letter, I guess. It’s about as lifeless as I feel.”

Three days later, in the first hours of July 25, Angus was with the 4th ERS detachment at Iwo Jima when a call came in for a B-17 search and drop. Amid especially heavy bombing on the 24th, with hundreds of bombers igniting firestorms in multiple cities on the Japanese mainland, a P-51 pilot had been hit and bailed out near Lake Hamana, a coastal bay 150 miles west of Tokyo. The 4th readied a B-17 to find him.

Angus was not on flight duty that night. He was free to stay on base. B-17’s often flew without flight surgeons anyway, since they never picked anyone up. But the commotion either woke him from sleep or rescued him from its pursuit, and he gathered his gear and cameras, donned his flight suit, and joined the crew of nine aboard a B-17 known as Jukebox 21. Since he had no functional role, he was, in technical and bureaucratic terms, a passenger.

The crew aimed to hit the coast near first light, find the pilot, and drop him a lifeboat. A U.S. submarine, the Peto, lurked nearby ready to fetch him. Jukebox 21 cleared the runway at 0245 hours and headed almost dead north toward Lake Hamana, 750 miles away. At 225 miles an hour, it would reach the coast in about three and a half hours. The crew didn’t have to worry about enemy fighters—the Japanese Air Force had by then been decimated—but they surely expected anti-aircraft fire, and given the bombing the area had suffered lately, they could expect the anti-aircraft crews to be inspired. Only a month before, the Allies had firebombed the city of Shizuoka, just east of Lake Hamana, and destroyed more than half the city, killing over 10,000.

But Jukebox was well-maintained: a sturdy plane crewed by experienced men and a pilot who’d flown a full tour in Europe before joining the 4th in Iwo Jima. It was a good night to fly, dark but clear. And it was always a relief to climb from the heat of the islands into cooler air.

They called in right on schedule on their first two hourly radio checks, at 0345 and 0445. But at 0545, Jukebox neither called nor responded.

The 4th ERS waited several hours, then sent 12 planes on a search for them. For two days, in rotating flights out of Iwo Jima, Angus’s squadronmates and other crews searched for them, systematically working grids between Jukebox’s last radio position and Hamana Lake. No one found a thing. Months later the unit’s commander, William Lindsey, wrote the father of Jukebox’s radio operator, Sergeant Charles Hurn, that “the disappearance of this plane has always been a complete mystery.” It was the 4th’s worst loss of the war, and its last. Three weeks after Jukebox went missing, Japan surrendered.

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A communique announcing that Jukebox 21, with personnel from the Fourth Emergency Rescue Squad on board, was missing.

Personal Effects

My mother had moved back to San Antonio in June, and in the days just after the war ended, as she readjusted to life with her mother and father and daughter and cousin there, two letters reached her from Iwo Jima. The first was Angus’s of July 22, lamenting the heat and sand. “I love you very much,” he reassured her. “I miss you always, but not acutely, for the demands of my environment haven’t given me time to think of it too much.” The second letter, arriving a week or two later, was written by one of Angus’s squadronmates. It informed her that Angus’s plane had disappeared, that a two-day search had turned up nothing, and that the crew were now presumed dead.

With this letter, the last she would ever receive from or about Angus, my mother became a survivor of the unfound. 

Luella’s notice came through more official channels, and it came faster. She was informed in early August that Angus was missing. Later, she may or may not have received the sort of letter that Commander Lindsey had written in October to Charles Hurn’s father, explaining that the crew were presumed dead. She did receive, in October, $500 worth of war bonds that Norman owned, along with his last paycheck, for $209. Luella, who had moved to Iowa City earlier that year, responded with a change of address and a note saying that it was “reasonable, almost a certainty, that my husband had more money than this amount.” She asked Lindsey to please help her find out where it was. Conceivably, she suspected my mother had it. Lindsey wrote back saying no other funds were found or known of.

Then, around Thanksgiving, the Army quartermaster’s office sent something more substantial: Angus’s footlocker, which contained the personal effects he had left in his bunk area. The accompanying inventory listed four pairs of khaki pants, seven khaki shirts, two ties, one pair of boots, and one pair of eyeglasses; one medical-notes zipper case, one medical manual, and one Basic History of the U.S.; one set of dominoes; one record player (broken); one box of camera attachments, the camera having gone missing with Angus; and one “bundle miscellaneous.” Did that miscellany include the pinup photo of my mother? Did it include her letters? It seems reasonable, but far from certain, that Angus’s cabinmates removed all of that before someone packed and sent his things. One hopes so.

When Luella received the footlocker, a year had passed since she had refused Norman’s request for a divorce. She had refused on the advice of a lawyer who essentially told her, “Not now. It’s a war and he’s half a world away. Let the war end. Let another year pass. If he still wants a divorce then, fine. But not now. It’s a war. Everybody’s crazy.” This proved good legal advice. Had they divorced, Luella would have lost substantial death benefits for both her and her children, who went to college on them. And had Angus lived, it might have proved good marital advice. But as it was, even as Angus’s personal effects made it harder for Luella to leave him behind, her refusal to release him earlier allowed Angus to now leave her yet again. Having been abandoned three times by her parents, Luella had now been thrice abandoned by Norman, as well: when he volunteered for the rescue squadrons, when he fell for my mother, and when he fell from the sky.


Luella was not alone, however. She had David and Christy, now 9 and 5, to care for. And soon she had a new love, her husband’s old college friend, Don Reese.

Reese had grown up in Turin, Iowa, and met Norman at the house of a fraternity they both joined at the University of Iowa. Though he did not attend medical school afterward, Don took a pre-med curriculum alongside Angus. It was then that he met Luella through Angus. Meanwhile, he already had a love of his own: a young woman named Nell, whom he’d known since he was a boy. In Don and Angus’s last year at college—the same year Angus married Luella, and perhaps inspired by that union—Nell began to press Don for marriage. Don’s parents objected, and he balked. He and Nell remained at this impasse when Don graduated and took a job in Chicago.

A year later, still at odds, he convinced Nell to move to Chicago for the summer so they could be near each other. She did and found a job at the Bon Air Country Club. Family accounts of that summer are vague. According to one, they spent a lot of time quarreling over Don’s continued fence-sitting. One evening late in August, soon before Nell would have to return to school, Don arranged to pick her up after work. He parked across the street from the Bon Air and waited. After a while, Nell emerged and started across the street. For whatever reason—distraction, tension, emotional confusion, fatigue, the late hour—she failed to notice an oncoming car. As Don watched, the car ran over Nell, killing her instantly.

Three years later, not long after the attack on Pearl Harbor, Don enlisted in the Navy. For four years, he served as a medical corpsman on landing craft in the Pacific, undersupplied and overwhelmed, struggling to patch together Marines torn to bits in the beach landings. When the war ended, he was discharged and returned to Iowa City. There he learned that Norman had died. Returning to old haunts, he ran into Luella right about the time she received Angus’s footlocker. They married the following October.

According to David and Christy, Don and Luella seemed always haunted by the ghosts of their lovers as well as by things never said or done. Back in 1944, for instance, it was Don to whom Angus had written to tell of his hopes of bringing my mother with him to Gulfport. Did Don ever tell Luella that he had known this? Whether shared with Luella or held close, his knowledge of Norman’s affair, and the complicity it created, had to prove an awkward weight, and only one among many. Don and Luella were, says Christy, an affectionate couple, but they carried burdens and resentments that rose not so much from each other as from the losses they had suffered. “We grew up in anger soup,” Christy later recalled. My mother, of course, was a key ingredient.

In their house, says Christy, the name Norman Zahrt was rarely heard. “We learned,” says Christy, “that you just didn’t bring it up.”

Luella was doing the best she could to forget Norman. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to her, someone else was trying to dig him up.

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Angus in flight, in one of dozens of photos he sent to Evelyn Jane.

Until They Come Home

Norman was one of tens of thousands of World War II soldiers, sailors, and airmen missing when the fighting stopped. In the months and years after the war ended, a section of the Army quartermaster’s office called the Graves Registration Services began a relentless effort, which continues even today, to locate them. One of the GRS’s first steps was to send crews to Japan to find crash sites. Using local interviews, archeological excavation, forensic exams, medical and dental records, and Missing Air Crew reports, they sought to find and identify the bodies of those missing.

In the early summer of 1946, a GRS team working near Hamana Lake learned that a B-17 had crashed there on July 25 the previous year. Locals said they had buried ten crewmen nearby. The team searched the area and found only a bit of a propeller and a few random parts—enough to know they’d found a B-17 but not to identify it.

A year later, another GRS team returned and found more wreckage, including three engines. The serial numbers conclusively identified the plane as Jukebox 21. They also found ten badly decomposed bodies buried in shallow graves. The bodies showed no bullet holes, blade marks, or other signs of attack. Many had crushed ribs and shattered bones in their hands, feet, and lower legs—injuries common in violent crashes. Locals in the area confirmed that the plane crashed on July 25, 1945, amid heavy anti-aircraft fire. Graves Registration concluded that Jukebox was downed by anti-aircraft fire and that the crash killed all aboard.

But the excruciatingly difficult task of identifying the dead remained. GRS could not simply say that the ten bodies found near Jukebox 21 were those of the ten crewmen listed in the plane’s missing air-crew report. They had to definitively identify each.

By this time, the GRS had established a large cemetery and forensics center in Yokohama. There they examined each of the bodies found near the Jukebox crash site and compared them with medical and other records for the plane’s crew members. They quickly identified six of the ten, but they felt enough doubt about the other four that they left them unidentified; they became Unknown Bodies X-408, X-412, X-415, and X-416. The skeletons of X-408 and X-416 were fairly complete, with a few bones missing from hands, feet, and lower legs. Scavengers or the crash impact had reduced X-412 and X-415 to fragments of skull, jaw, torso, and upper legs.

Graves Registration wrote the families of the six identified airmen and sent their remains home. It did not contact the other four crew members’ families, which included Norman’s. For a year, the four bodies lay buried in Yokohama while the GRS, in triage fashion, worked through more-promising cases.

In autumn 1948, however, the Service reexamined Norman’s file and lit on two pieces of information that the first examiners had either lacked access to or failed to notice. One was a record of distinctive dental work that Norman had received while in Saipan and were thus missing from the dental records made at his military induction. The other was a note in his medical history, probably easy to overlook, that as a boy he had broken his collarbone. With these two bits of information foremost, the GRS reexamined the forensic-exam files of the four unknowns remaining from the Jukebox 21 crash site. The file showed that Unknown X-408’s forensic exam the year before had shown a long-healed break in the left clavicle—and dental work matching that described in Norman’s dental record. A series of double-checks, sign-offs, and bureaucratic confirmations made it official: Unknown X-048 was Captain Norman E. Zahrt.

The letter notifying Luella reached her during her third Christmas with Don, in 1948:

QMGMF 293
Zahrt, Norman E.
SN 01 700 783

20 December 1948

Mrs. Luella Zahrt
617 Rundell
Iowa City, Iowa

Dear Mrs. Zahrt,

We are desirous that you be furnished information concerning the resting place of the remains of your husband, the late Captain Norman E. Zahrt.

The official report of burial has been received and discloses that the remains of your husband were originally buried at Yakute, Arai-Machi, Hamana-Gun, Shizuoka Prefecture, Japan, but were later disinterred by our American Graves Registration Personnel, properly identified, and reinterred in Plot USAF, Row 23, Grave 1129, United States Armed Forces Cemetery Yokohama #1, Japan, located at Yokohama on the island of Honshu, Japan.

The report further indicates that these remains have now been casketed and are being held at the United States Armed Forces Mausoleum, Yokohama #2, Japan, pending disposition instructions from the next of kin, either for return to the United States or for permanent burial in an overseas cemetery.

There are enclosed informational pamphlets…”

James F. Smith
Major, QMC
Memorial Division

Major Smith asked Luella to promptly complete a Request for Disposition of Remains so the quartermaster could send her the body.

Luella, ignoring the many questions raised by this letter, wrote the quartermaster to ask just one: Given that she had remarried, was she still next of kin? The quartermaster replied that she was not: Her remarriage gave Norman’s parents the sole right to designate his final disposition. She would hear no more from the Army.

Angus’s father, who meantime had moved to Long Beach, California, asked that Angus’s body be sent to Golden Gate National Cemetery for burial. The casket arrived in early July. On July 18, 1949, almost four years after Norman was killed, Norman’s parents stood across from a color guard and a chaplain and buried their son. Perhaps understandably, Don and Luella, once Norman’s best friend and wife, did not attend.

“There were any number of reasons not to go,” said Christy, decades later. “It was a long way from Iowa, of course, and you didn’t just pack up four people and fly in those days. It was probably far beyond our means.

“Besides, my mom was still mad at him. I guess she figured she had already buried him.”

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From left: Herman Dobbs, Evelyn Jane, and Jimmie Holland, a friend.

Houston

My mother knew nothing of all this. Not being kin, she received nothing from the government, and Norman’s family knew nothing of her identity and likely wouldn’t have told her anything if they had. But she was not sitting around waiting for mail. She was studying medicine.

She had enrolled at San Antonio’s Trinity College in the fall of 1946; she burned through the curriculum in three years and then entered Houston’s Baylor College of Medicine in September 1949. She was a 28-year-old single mother with an 8-year-old and no parental support, but she was a far more focused person than she had been five years before. She had become the woman that both her Baylor classmates and everyone who met her later knew: smart, funny, and charming, as always, but also immensely disciplined and not one to cross.

She met my father during her first year at Baylor, where he was one class ahead of her. He came from Hempstead, Texas, a small town west of Houston, and was seven years younger than she. He was tall, handsome, shyly funny, and one of Baylor’s sharpest students. They fell in together a year after she graduated, in 1953, when they were both interning in St. Louis. They married three years later and soon had Allen, the first of five children. For a time they must have seemed a couple blessed—two smart, attractive, agreeable young doctors spawning a passel of bright kids. Yet somewhere my mother’s second shot at happiness went awry. My father, while enormously talented and beloved by many of his patients, lacked any knack for self-promotion or pricing. He stayed busy but was only modestly prosperous compared with his more mercenary peers. My mother, meanwhile, reveled in her rise through Houston’s medical culture. She was elated to make the Who’s Who one year and kept that dark blue volume prominently shelved among her counseling-room reference books. She began to resent my father’s seeming lack of ambition even as he grew uneasy with her own excess of it. Their fights grew more frequent. Over time and with each battle she grew louder and he quieter. Finally, he fell silent: His long work days mashed together so thoroughly that when he moved out, we were so used to not seeing him that my mother actually got away with waiting several days to tell us. They divorced in their 17th year.

My mother tried to take this stoically, but it showed. She often looked tired, and she was more likely to cry if one of us acted stubborn or mean. If I raised my voice, she would either lay into me with trembling jaw or, worse, sit down and wipe her eyes with her fingertips and say in a cracked voice, “Oh, Davey, I don’t see why you insist on being so … so … hateful about things. Why are you so angry at me?” Once, furious at my brother and me for some adolescent idiocy, she hollered us into the car, backed it squealing onto the street, slammed it into gear, and floored it. A few seconds later, we reminded her that she had forgotten something—I don’t remember what, but it was essential to her mission. She hit the brakes so hard, we did a one-eighty. Around us rose the smell of burnt rubber. My brother and I faked smiles of thrilled, cocky pleasure. But we did not speak, lest our voices crack with fear.

Amid all this, there’s a danger of missing how much fun my mother was and how much love she created. She played the piano (moderately well), played bridge (gleefully), punned (ruthlessly), and sang, exuberantly, in the church choir, the kitchen, the shower, the car—at every excuse. She liked to garden. She didn’t do it often, but on those occasions when as a boy I would seek her out and find her standing out front pruning the rose bushes or sitting in the backyard planting monkey grass, she seemed at peace. Some of this was the warm relaxation brought by working outside. But as a father now myself, I suspect that some of the happiness I sensed at these moments was the incomparable pleasure of being sought and found by one’s children. I had first to search the big house, nine rooms on two floors, then yell out the back door. On hearing her distant response, I am running. I let the screen door slam and fly through magnolia shade until the bright sun along the driveway slows me and I find her sitting at the edge of her rose garden. She wears old jeans, a green smock, and pale blue gardening gloves. The pruning shears, laid aside, bend but do not flatten the stiff blades of the Saint Augustine grass. She looks up, and with the back of her sleeve she pushes her black curls from her forehead and gives me a wondrous smile. She delightedly says my name. This smile will embarrass me at other times. But now it completely drives from my head whatever inspired this search only moments before. She smiles that radiant smile, and when she asks me what brings her the pleasure of this visit, I can’t recall what I’ve come to her for. Clearly this.

My mother’s romance with Angus formed a pivot on which her life turned. She credited him with inspiring her to pursue medicine, and with this new focus she moved from a self-destructive course to a life more disciplined, elevated, and rewarding. Her affair with him, even as it indulged her mother’s brand of impropriety, lifted her from the gravity of Clara Lee’s example. But it took an enormous toll. It undermined the lives of Angus’s widow and children for decades. And to my mother, Angus—the one love she lost to bad luck rather than failed effort—remained forever the idealized lost chance. His death took from her not just any happiness she might have found with him but also the ability to find peace with someone as gentle as my father. Angus had opened a door to happiness that, once closed, shut her out forever. The sound of it slamming echoed a long time.

And not just for her. Christy Zahrt once visited me in Vermont, driving all the way from Nevada to do so, and after a long afternoon at my backyard picnic table, excavating our past, she said, “Sometimes it’s hard to get your head around this. Everybody ended up married to somebody they wished was somebody else. Don married Luella but wished he was married to Nell. Luella married Don but wished she was married to Norman. Your mom married your dad but wished she was married to Norman. And your dad was the only one who didn’t know about any of this, and he ended up wishing he’d married someone else anyway.”

When I stopped laughing, Christy said, “We’re obviously not siblings—we can’t be, because Norman died way before you were born. Yet I feel as if somehow we are.”

I said I’d been thinking the same thing.

“Except, of course, if Norman and Jane had stayed together,” she said, “you wouldn’t be here.”

I had thought of that, too.

Given how different my parents were, their marriage would almost certainly have failed even without Angus in my mother’s past. Yet I believe my mother resisted that failure more ferociously and took it more bitterly, and blamed my father all the more, simply because my father was not Angus. My father was kind, smart, funny, strong, generous, and handsome. But he was not restless, daring, or self-absorbed. He did not exude the narcissist’s glow. After he left, my mother hinted at her resentment by telling us the fragment of the Angus story we possessed at her death. Her tale boiled down to this: She’d known real love once, by God, but lost it.

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My mother and me.

Finding Angus

One afternoon a few weeks ago, when I was scrolling through the photographs for this story, my 9-year-old son, looking over my shoulder at pictures of Evelyn and Angus in their youth, asked me if I thought that telling this story would be OK with my mom. I told him I thought it would. I had once asked David Zahrt how he felt about this story going public. “The past is approved,” he said, “and the future is open”—another way of saying we must own our scars rather than wish them away. And to my mind, my mother had told us twice that she was finally ready to release her past, and thereby own it.

The first tell was her request that we put her in the Pacific. She had to know this amounted to a public declaration. I think that’s why she looked so relieved when she asked us to take her to Angus. It’s work, hiding these things.j

The other tell was the locket—the one holding the picture of her grandparents. About a year before she died, my mother sent the locket to her cousin. Betty Lou found it unsettling. The locket seemed a fitting thing to share, yet the timing made Betty Lou worry that my mother was declining and that this gift represented a good-bye.

That locket had held the same picture for almost a century. Yet when Betty Lou pressed the button and the locket popped open, she did not see the photograph of her grandparents. She saw a photograph of Angus.

Had my mother kept Angus’s picture behind that of her grandparents all those years? We agreed she must have. It’s not as if she would cut out his picture and put it there just to send to Betty Lou.

So it appears she had carried Angus with her all that time. It had been there when as a boy on her lap I tugged it up from between her breasts so I could look at it. Instead of Angus, of course, I had seen my mother’s grandparents. She had put them there because she loved them. But she had also put them there to cover and protect Angus’s memory: one past to cover another, just as she built one life to encase an earlier one.


A decade ago, I began chasing Angus as a way to better know my mother. A year ago, I went to see him. I did this partly as a way of once more visiting my mother, of drawing from her, in my mind at least, the smile she had once given me in the garden. To make sure Angus did not slip away yet again, I carried all the information needed to find him: the name of the cemetery, his grid, row, and plot number. I had built an empty half-day into the end of a Bay Area business trip. When I finished my work, I got out my phone, opened Google Maps, and found the big national cemetery at the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge. It would be a two-hour walk across the San Francisco hills.

For April it was warm. Sometimes I would reach the top of a hill and see the bridge shimmering in the heat and distance, bigger each time. As I walked, feeling myself growing both excited and tense, I told myself that I was excited to finally meet Angus and tense because I had not yet worked out what I wanted to say.

I found the cemetery down by the water, just as the map showed, along one shore of the lovely old fort called the Presidio, and walked through the stone gates. To my right rose the bridge. Before me opened a broad rolling landscape of precisely laid rows of white headstones. A couple hundred yards up the driveway stood a visitor center. Attached to the building, right next to the door, was a little box that said “Grave Finder.” You turned a ratcheted wheel to the last name you were looking for and it would give you the grave location. I turned it to Z—but found no Zahrt. I checked everything and did it again. No Zahrt. I stood there like an idiot, alone and dumb amid thousands of silent headstones, and tried to figure out what was amiss. Either the Grave Finder had the wrong information or I did. I walked back so I was among the gravestones and again opened Google Maps on my phone. Again I checked my entry for the grave information. And then, knowing what was coming, I Googled “Golden Gate National Cemetery.” And I found that, behold, the Golden Gate National Cemetery is not the national cemetery that lies at the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge. That cemetery is the San Francisco National Cemetery. The Golden Gate Cemetery is eight miles south, in a place called San Bruno.

I looked at my watch. My plane was leaving in three hours. I would have to visit Angus another time. For now, surrounded by dead strangers, I could only sit in the grass and laugh. My sister Cynthia laughed, too, when I called her later and told her the story.

“That man,” she said, “is simply not to be found.”

A month later, contriving another business trip and taking another long, warm walk, I finally found Angus, on a bright slope in San Bruno. The Golden Gate National Cemetery sits surrounded by strip malls and big-box stores and six-lane suburban boulevards. Yet its gentle rolling expanse and the well-kept severity of its close-mown grass offer dignity and peace. Norman’s stone stands near an oak tree among the graves of others buried in 1949, none of them killed in the war. Many of the stones designated these men as “Son of” or “Husband of.” Some had the names of wives, buried there, too, carved into the reverse side. Norman’s contains no mention of family.

I sat for an hour, thinking of him lying here for 50 years while my mother thought he was still in the Pacific. When we granted her wish and flew her to Hawaii to join him, we instead left him far behind. Now she was slowly dispersing in the Pacific while he lay buried neat and deep in San Bruno; it would take a lot of time and rain to bring them together. If we had saved some ashes, I could have sprinkled some on his grave. But we had not, and I did not want to leave a picture that would just get thrown away. My mother would not have liked that. So I took some photographs and walked past a few thousand headstones and past the big-box stores and back to the train.

Later, at home, I made a two-inch-square print of Angus’s resting place. I found the photograph my brother had emailed me from Maui years before, showing our leis floating over my mother’s ashes, and I made a two-inch-square print of that. Then I opened my mother’s crumbling photo album and slipped the pictures into the two remaining empty sets of corner mounts. I considered pulling those mounts off and pasting the photos closer to one another. But I thought, No: My mom had glued those holders in that way, and I shouldn’t change it. This was as close as I could get them.

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My mother’s long-kept photo album.