‘We Wish to Be Able to Sing’

For more than half a century, the people of Easter Island lived under an oppressive colonial regime. Then a schoolteacher sparked an unlikely revolution.  

‘We Wish to Be Able to Sing’

By Mike Damiano

The Atavist Magazine, No. 122


Mike Damiano is a contributing editor at Boston magazine and the author of Porque la vida no basta (Because Life Is Not Enough), a biography of Spanish painter Miquel Barceló. Listen to him discuss this story on the Creative Nonfiction podcast.

Editor: Jonah Ogles
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checker: Tanya Sandler
Illustrator: Sally Deng

Published in December 2021.

SECRET

TO: VALPARAISO

FROM: EASTER

… THE SUBVERSIVE MOVEMENT IS MUCH MORE SERIOUS AND GRAVE THAN BELIEVED ON THE CONTINENT … THE SCHOOLTEACHER IS PREPARED TO GIVE HIS LIFE TO WIN FREEDOM … TO AVOID FATAL CONSEQUENCES URGENTLY SEND A SHIP TO RESTORE ORDER

Chapter One

No one in the Rapu household could sleep. It was early March 1955, and in the family’s three-room home in the hills above the village of Hanga Roa, Reina Haoa busied herself sewing clothes. Her husband, Elías, paced. The couple’s four eldest boys—Alfonso, Carlos, Sergio, and Rafael—huddled together in the living room watching their parents worry. There was not much to say. In the morning, 12-year-old Alfonso would leave Easter Island on a cargo ship called the Pinto. He would travel to the port city of Valparaíso, Chile. His parents could not tell him when he’d return home or when he might see them again, because they did not know. They also could not tell him much about where he was going. Neither of them had seen land beyond Easter Island’s shores.

The Pinto came once a year to deliver basic supplies: soap, flour, sugar, fabric. For the Rapanui, the annual arrival was bittersweet. Though other ships occasionally visited the island, they brought few if any of the necessities needed to sustain life. By the time the Pinto came in late summer, the pantries of Rapanui families were bare. Construction projects had stalled for lack of materials. The Pinto, the Rapanui’s only regular physical contact with the outside world, brought relief.

But for many, the ship’s arrival also provoked a simmering sense of dread. Along with supplies, the Pinto brought disease. Each year, in the weeks after the ship unloaded, kokongo—a catchall term for whatever germs the Chilean sailors were carrying—swept through Hanga Roa. It was common for kokongo to infect as much as half the population. By the time it abated, it usually had left several families grieving.

There was no one to complain to about these epidemics, at least no one who would listen. For several decades, the authorities on Easter Island had been foreigners who represented their own interests by keeping the Rapanui under their thumb. In 1898, a decade after Chile annexed the island, the Rapanui were rounded up and resettled on a few square miles of the western coast, centered on Hanga Roa. A network of fences known as the Wall, built by Rapanui men for menial wages, kept them there. Passage beyond the Wall—to visit ancestral lands, to explore or cultivate the countryside, or to leave the island entirely—was only possible with written permission from the island’s governor.

Over the decades, some Rapanui managed to leave the island, usually by taking jobs on the mainland with the Chilean military. Others resorted to more desperate measures. Some built rafts and set off over the horizon for Tahiti. A few of them made it, navigating the thousands of miles of ocean between Easter Island and French Polynesia by the stars. But the great majority—dozens of men—vanished in the vast Pacific.

Reina and Elías were born within the Wall, like their parents before them and their children after. There had been no way for them to leave. Their family grew almost every year, until Alfonso was the eldest of 11. He played soccer with friends and attended school most days. Like other young Rapanui children, he also spent long hours on his family’s plot of land, cultivating taro and sweet potatoes. Since there was no running water in Hanga Roa—and no ponds, streams, or lakes—the Rapu family collected rainwater in a cistern. It sometimes fell to Alfonso to skim the dead bugs and mold off the water’s surface.

There were other things—more brutal ones—that Alfonso accepted as normal at the time but would haunt him later. At the schoolhouse, nuns who delivered lessons in Spanish, a language their students barely understood, punished children with canes. At home, Elías was a menace. He chased Reina through the house and hit her. The children usually cowered; when they tried to intervene, Elías struck them. Domestic violence was endemic in Hanga Roa. A peaceful home was the outlier.

There were other horrors, including the constant threat of leprosy. When telltale sores appeared, breaking out on a temple, a forearm, or a bald scalp, the afflicted person was removed from the village and quarantined permanently at the island’s leper colony, at the base of the Terevaka volcano. When Alfonso was a child, his uncle worked at the colony, and sometimes brought him along to help. He got to know the place and the people condemned to live there. One man, Gabriel Hereveri, who had lost both hands and an eyelid to the disease, befriended Alfonso and told him stories of life on the island before the Wall went up, when the Rapanui were still free.

Alfonso had never seriously contemplated a life beyond the island. To the extent that he thought about his future at all, he imagined it taking place within the Wall. But Reina hoped for more. When she learned of a new program for educating Rapanui children in Chile—a humanitarian effort organized by the government—she lobbied her brother, who worked for the Navy, to ask his supervisors for a favor. Could they get her eldest son onto the list?

The supervisors said yes. Reina only found out the night before Alfonso was scheduled to depart on the Pinto.

The next morning, Alfonso and his parents went to Hanga Piko cove, where local fishermen launched their boats. The three gathered by the water’s edge, alongside 11 other children and their parents. Like Alfonso, these children, ranging in age from 12 to 15, were set to depart for Chile. They would be placed in boarding schools or with host families and enter the Chilean education system. They were the second cohort to participate in the program, and their families considered it a privilege.

Alfonso hugged his mother, who was weeping. When he turned to his father, he found that Elías was crying as well, which unsettled him.

Alfonso knew in a technical sense that he would board a ship, that the ship would sail over the horizon, and that he would disembark in a new land. But he had no ability to picture Valparaíso, a modern city of 400,000 people. He could not conceive of a journey of 2,300 miles, the distance to Chile, when the greatest expanse he had ever reckoned with was 14 miles on Easter Island—from the Poike Peninsula in the east to Rano Kau, a volcano, in the west.

Aboard the Pinto, he stood on the aft deck. As the ship shuddered and began motoring east, he kept his eyes fixed on Easter Island. For a couple of hours it receded. Then it disappeared over the horizon. All he could see was water. He broke down and sobbed.

In 1898, a decade after Chile annexed the island, the Rapanui were rounded up and resettled on a few square miles of the western coast.

Valparaíso came into view on the seventh day of the journey. As the Pinto approached, the city seemed to rise up over the ship. One of the busiest and richest ports in the Western hemisphere, Valparaíso buzzed with the activity of industrial cranes, thousands of car and truck engines, and the constant interchange of sailing ships, tankers, and tug boats. Ten-story towers and hulking neocolonial government buildings stood on the flat land at the water’s edge. The rest of the city—wealthy neighborhoods of Victorian houses and poor slums of multi-colored shanties—clung to the coastline’s steep hills, which residents ascended via funiculars.

Alfonso Rapu took in the staggering sight from the Pinto’s deck. He was about to set foot in a new world.

After a train ride over the foothills of the Andes, he arrived at a boarding school in downtown Santiago de Chile, a dense urban hub that was home to the president’s sprawling mansion and the headquarters of Chile’s banks and copper-mining corporations. The next several months were lonely and difficult. Rapu lived in a dormitory full of bunk beds, which during the week were occupied by children but sat empty on weekends; most students returned home to their families then, leaving Rapu alone. Yet even on weekdays he was isolated. He barely spoke Spanish. When teachers called on him in class, his speech was halting and accented. His classmates snickered and called him indio—Indian—a pejorative for anyone with non-European blood.

A 26-year-old social worker, Guacolda Zamorano, noticed Rapu at the school and worried over him. On weekdays, she checked on him during her breaks. On Friday afternoons, she left him with enough home-cooked meals to feed him through the weekend. Still, Zamorano felt she wasn’t doing enough. In the evenings, at her house in a suburban neighborhood, she talked to her husband, Manuel Nova, about Rapu. The boy needed more help, she said. He needed a home.

Early in the winter of 1955, Zamorano instructed Rapu to pack his things. She told her husband that the boy would be living with them for a while. He stayed for nearly nine years.

Rapu was given his own bedroom, a new wardrobe of chinos, button-downs, and loafers, and a makeshift family. Zamorano became, in every meaningful sense, Rapu’s second mother. She was warmer than Reina, who had always been protective of her children but came from a culture that tended not to shower them with affection. Children were liabilities and laborers; they were expected to fend for themselves and contribute what they could. Rapu had sometimes felt like a piece of property, particularly when his parents loaned him to the neighbors in exchange for an ox. The neighbors used Rapu for a day of labor in their field, while Reina and Elías used the beast to plow theirs. No one thought anything of the arrangement; it seemed like a square deal. But now that Rapu had seen something else—another life, another way to be a child—the memory rankled.

Zamorano tutored him in Spanish, and he made steady progress. Within a few years, he spoke the language fluently. He strove to catch up in other subjects, too. Every morning as he walked to the bus, he added up the numbers on his neighbors’ mailboxes to practice arithmetic. At school he started sitting in the first row of desks, focusing his attention on the teacher to help him ignore his classmates’ taunts, until finally, gratifyingly, they stopped.

As Rapu grew, his station among his classmates changed. By the age of 16, he had transformed; the scrawny child had become tall, muscular, and handsome. He was a capable soccer player and charming, with a winning smile and a quiet sense of humor. He had girlfriends. One summer he befriended the daughters of senator Salvador Allende. He spent afternoons with the Allendes by their pool. Once he even wore the future president’s swimming trunks.

For the first time in his life, Rapu had options, opportunities, and frivolous diversions—he had developed a weakness for orange Fanta. But in the midst of bourgeois bliss, something gnawed at him. He had not forgotten where he came from, and in a cruel way, the more comfortable he became in Santiago, the more distressed he felt whenever he thought of his family back on Easter Island.

One summer day in 1958, Rapu boarded the Pinto again in Valparaíso. He was headed home for his first visit since leaving the island three years earlier. After a weeklong journey, Rapu looked out over Hanga Roa bay as the ship’s crew dropped anchor. In the water below, he saw Rapanui men in white button-front shirts paddling fishing boats out to greet the Pinto’s sailors. This was a Rapanui custom that dated back centuries. When Dutch explorers first happened upon the island, men in canoes greeted them.

Rapu had watched this ritual from shore in his childhood. He knew these men; he had called some of them koro, a term of endearment that means “grandfather” in Rapanui. But now, as they approached the ship, he was startled by their appearance. He remembered them as strong and vital; these men looked hollowed out.

On shore, his parents and siblings greeted him. Reina and Elías looked unchanged, but his brothers and sisters were all new versions of themselves, some taller, some wider, some thinner. He had a week to spend with his family, the time it would take the Pinto to unpack its supplies and load up the annual production of wool from the sheep ranch that foreigners managed in the island’s interior. He spent most of his days with his brothers Carlos, Rafael, and Sergio. They had been his closest allies during his childhood, and he had missed them fiercely. But now that they were reunited, Rapu felt a distance between them that was difficult to bridge. When they asked him what life was like in Santiago, he didn’t know what to say. How could he explain attending soccer matches at Santiago’s 40,000-seat stadium? What could he tell his brothers, who were confined by the Wall, about weekends spent at his host family’s country cottage? What bothered him most, though, was that his brothers thought they were fine, that life on the island didn’t need to change. He had thought the same thing before he left.

Back in Santiago, Rapu spent long nights awake, staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, worrying about his brothers. As he neared adulthood, he also contemplated his future: which profession to pursue, where to live, what to make of his life. He decided to become a teacher.

As he neared university graduation in the early 1960s, Rapu considered various teaching positions—in Santiago, in the Lakes Region of southern Chile, and even one, offered through a U.S. State Department program, that would provide educational opportunities in the United States. But he could not push from his mind the circumstances of his brothers and the rest of the Rapanui. He had begun to wonder if there was something he could do to help.

He was still considering his options when he returned to Easter Island a second time, in 1962, and made a terrible discovery. The Rapanui community had suffered yet another trauma, and this one struck close to home.

In 1888, a Chilean delegation landed at Hanga Roa bay. They had come to lay claim to the island, one of the last uncolonized territories in Polynesia. There was a reason European powers had passed it over. It was distant from everything: 4,400 miles from New Zealand, 2,600 miles from Tahiti, 4,500 miles from Hawaii, and more than 2,000 miles from the South American ports of Valparaíso and Callao, in Peru. The island also seemed to hold little economic potential. The land was dry and hard to cultivate. There were no natural resources to speak of. And the population was too small—the number of Rapanui had dwindled to fewer than 200 by the time the Chilean delegation came—to be exploited as a labor force.

To Chile, though, the island had special value. Since the country had won its independence from Spain, it had strived to establish itself as a modern Western power. Chile’s elite—Spaniards and Italians with few familial ties to indigenous Americans—were expansionists and industrialists. They had turned the country into a mining behemoth and pushed its national boundaries south to the tip of the continent, taking land from the Mapuche people as they went, and north into territory seized from Bolivia and Peru. Now they were looking west. They wanted an offshore colony, a hallmark of the European powers they emulated. Easter Island was the best—really the only—option.

The leader of the 1888 delegation was a Navy captain named Policarpo Toro Hurtado, who was intent on colonizing the island. He had taken his case directly to the president, leaning on a combination of hyperbole and fantasy. In a report, he wrote that the island’s “fertile shores” would become Chile’s “Oasis in the Ocean,” even though the soil was volcanic and nearly barren. He claimed that the island lay in transpacific shipping lanes, which would make it a valuable stopover; in fact, Easter Island was hundreds of miles out of the way. The president had no way to verify what Toro said and didn’t care to. Now Toro had arrived to seize Easter Island for his people.

Chile’s first act of treachery on Easter Island was its first act of any kind there. Toro had brought with him two documents—one in Spanish, the other in a hybrid of Rapanui and Tahitian, the latter of which was commonly used in legal documents in the Pacific. The papers were intended to lay out an agreement between the Chilean government and native leaders. But the two texts didn’t match. The Rapanui and Tahitian words described a congenial alliance: Chile would become Easter Island’s protector and “friend of the land.” But the Spanish text said something altogether different. It stated that the Rapanui would cede the “full and entire sovereignty” of Easter Island to Chile, “forever and without reservation.” In front of Hanga Roa’s Catholic church, beneath a flagpole flying both the Chilean and Rapanui flags, the island’s king, Atamu Tekena, and a dozen other local leaders signed the Rapanui-Tahitian document with crosses drawn in black ink.

When Toro sailed off, he left behind three Chilean families. They were to be the first Chilean settlers on Easter Island, the foundation for the new colony that Toro envisioned. But things did not go as planned. The settlers’ crops failed, and they discovered that the only reservoir of fresh water on the island was inside the crater of Rano Kau, a four-mile climb up from Hanga Roa. They refused to ask for help from the Rapanui. After a disastrous year, two of the families abandoned the island, fleeing on a Chilean battleship. The third stayed behind but soon died. And just like that, Chile’s dream of a thriving colony in the Pacific collapsed.

Chile soon developed a case of buyer’s remorse and sought to offload its new territory. The Easter Island Exploitation Company, a joint British-Chilean venture, was glad to oblige. Under the terms of its long-term lease, the Company, as the Rapanui came to call it, could do as it pleased with the island and its people. Within a decade, the Company had confined the Rapanui, and leprosy, which had arrived with the Chileans, was spreading within the community.

In the summer of 1898, the Rapanui’s new king, Riro, marched to the Company’s island headquarters, a one-floor house with a wraparound balcony on a bluff outside Hanga Roa. Riro carried with him a list of grievances. He met with the Company’s manager, a Chilean named Alberto Sánchez Manterola, and demanded better pay and working conditions for the Rapanui men employed at the Company’s sheep ranch. When Sánchez refused, Riro asked for passage to Valparaíso. He wanted to appeal to higher authorities. Fine, Sánchez said—if he wished, Riro could even meet with the president of Chile.

A few weeks later, Riro departed for Valparaíso aboard the annual supply ship. He never returned. Nor did he ever meet with the president in Santiago. Upon Riro’s arrival, a Chilean employee of the Company took him drinking in Valparaíso’s taverns. The next day, the king died in a Navy hospital. The official cause of death was alcohol poisoning. The Rapanui, when they learned his fate, concluded that it had been poisoning of another kind. But no one would ever know for sure: Chilean Navy personnel dumped Riro’s body in an unmarked grave.

Riro’s death ended the first effort by the Rapanui to make their grievances heard in Chile. In the following decades, the government largely ignored Easter Island. Every ten years or so, a report about goings-on there, written by a passing explorer or a shipwrecked sailor, would make its way into the Chilean press. The dispatches described bleak conditions: crushing poverty, harsh discipline, disease. Next came a flurry of concern, often from Chile’s more humanitarian-minded Catholics: newspaper editorials, vows by politicians to aid the pascuenses (the Spanish term for the Rapanui), and recriminations against the Company. In 1947, a group of Chileans formed the Society of Friends of Easter Island to advocate for better conditions for the Rapanui. Members of the society lobbied the government to evict the Company from the island. In 1952, Chile did just that.

In the Company’s place, Chile installed the Navy. Now, instead of a corporate manager ruling the island and overseeing the sheep ranch, there was a naval governor. Usually a young captain looking for adventure, the governor served a term of one or two years, and he lived at Mataveri, the bluff outside Hanga Roa, in the same house the Company manager had occupied. During his tenure, the governor had total control over the island: He was ranch manager, police chief, mayor, judge, and jury.

How the Rapanui fared from one year to the next depended almost entirely on the current governor’s temperament. Some governors—the better ones—focused on ranch operations and mostly left the Rapanui to themselves. Others were cruel. In 1961, a particularly brutal governor arrived. A tall, fair-haired Chilean of British descent, John Martin viewed the Rapanui as disobedient charges who needed to be kept under control. Like the worst of his predecessors, he ordered his men to shave women’s heads as a form of discipline and locked men in the House of Stone, a small, square jailhouse that looked like a medieval castle in miniature. Martin let it be known that he would not hesitate to use violence as punishment for insubordination.

By the time Martin took command of Easter Island, Alfonso Rapu had been in Santiago for a few years. His brothers were now young men. Carlos, in particular, had undergone a dramatic change. At 15, he was the island’s star athlete. Fast and muscular, he was formidable on the soccer pitch. He was also a fitness buff. When he wasn’t playing soccer, he ran sprints. The Navy’s dentist on the island, a lieutenant named Julio Flores, took notice. Flores also passed his time working out—what else was there to do on Easter Island? Soon, Flores and Carlos were training together.

Reina and Elías were pleased. It was always good to have Chilean friends, who had access to better food and coveted goods, such as fabric and lumber. Once, Flores gifted the Rapus a radio, so they could listen to music on the island’s lone station. A relationship with a Chilean could also offer protection; the authorities were less likely to mete out capricious punishments to a Navy man’s friend.

Flores was charming, kind, and solicitous. His only quirk was that he disapproved of Carlos’s relationships with girls. When Carlos started dating a classmate, Flores complained to Reina that her son was spending too much time away from home, with his girlfriend. Reina figured Flores was just a traditional type who disapproved of frivolous romance.

But then strange things started happening. Once, Flores invited Carlos to go with him to Anakena, a beach beyond the Wall. Carlos jumped at the opportunity. But when he returned and Reina asked him about the excursion, he withdrew to his room and changed clothes. When she asked what was going on, he wouldn’t give an explanation. Another time, at a party, Flores hugged Carlos in a way that made the teenager uncomfortable and Carlos snapped at him. Later, Carlos told Hanga Roa’s mayor that Flores was a homosexual.

When John Martin heard of the accusation, the governor ordered his men to lock Carlos in the House of Stone. Here was an indio smearing the reputation of a Navy man; the governor wouldn’t stand for it. Carlos’s crime was lying. The next day, Martin’s men dragged Carlos out and beat him with a baton, just a few hundred feet from the Hanga Roa market, in full view of passersby.


Rapu’s visit to the island, shortly thereafter, would prove to be even more impactful than the first. His family told him what had happened to his brother, and Carlos showed him the wounds from the beating.

Back in Santiago, Rapu was haunted by the image of his brother’s scarred back and by the question of what he should do. He looked for answers in the university library, reading newspaper clippings about revolutions and civil rights movements around the world. He borrowed a biography of Mahatma Gandhi, whose model of anti-colonialism—nonviolence combined with an inclusive form of nationalism—especially appealed to him. There were people elsewhere who had been oppressed and then freed, or who had freed themselves. Why not the Rapanui?

In 1963, after Rapu had completed his studies, the Ministry of Education appointed him to serve as Hanga Roa’s schoolteacher. He would be the first Rapanui to fill the role, if he accepted the post. Rapu decided he would. He did not want to make a life for himself in Chile or the United States; he wanted to return home. A few months later, in January 1964, he boarded the cargo ship bound for Easter Island. This time, his passage was one-way.

Chapter Two

Rapu moved into his parents’ house and started making a new life for himself. Every morning, he walked out of the hills to the schoolhouse in the village center, where he gave lessons in Spanish and math. His students included both Rapanui and Chileans—the children of Navy officers and government functionaries. The students loved him. He taught bilingually so the Rapanui students wouldn’t fall behind. He connected with the Chileans by sharing stories from his life in Santiago. He was different from his predecessors in never striking his students. He considered himself a pacifist.

Rapu ate lunch with the nuns who ran the schoolhouse. They were not the nuns of his youth. These were young women in their twenties and thirties, and they became some of Rapu’s closest friends on the island. After almost a decade in Santiago, he felt that he had more in common with them than with his fellow Rapanui. The nuns could speak about politics and world events. Rapu was grateful for the camaraderie, but it pained him that he couldn’t find the same bond with the men and women he had grown up with, however hard he tried. When he tried to strike up conversations about the assassination of President John F. Kennedy or the fractious politics of mainland Chile, his Rapanui friends steered the conversation back toward familiar ground: fishing, the harvest, village gossip.

Rapu came to realize that he no longer fully belonged anywhere. He had been a foreigner in Santiago, and now he was an outsider on Easter Island.

He decided that the best thing he could do was educate people, and he wasn’t only thinking about children. If circumstances were going to improve for the Rapanui, he believed, they had to be literate in Spanish. Colonizers had deployed written language against the Rapanui from the beginning, when Policarpo Toro Hurtado used it to deceive the king. It was the secret code that had enabled generations of Company managers, in their frequent reports and telegrams, to represent themselves to the Chilean government as benevolent and responsible caretakers. Even visitors who had meant well—explorers and scientists, mostly—had described island life in their own terms, leaving the Rapanui voiceless before the wider world.

So in the evening, after the children went home, Rapu opened the schoolhouse to adults for literacy classes. These were well-attended, rowdy affairs. Fishermen, farmers, and homemakers packed the rows of desks. Rapu wrote Spanish words on the chalkboard and called on people to read them. When someone made a mistake, the class heckled them, but the mood was collegial. The adult students, Rapu saw, were like family to one another.

After class he trudged over the hills, exhausted, and collapsed into bed. During his first few months back home, this was all he did: fish, teach, and sleep. Was it what he had come back to do? Perhaps. But was it enough?


While Rapu settled into his routine, another young man, Jorge Portilla, was establishing his own domain at Mataveri. Portilla was the island’s new naval governor, replacing John Martin. He had arrived just two months before Rapu, in November 1963, accompanied by his wife and three young children.

There was no special reason that Portilla was chosen for the role. A third-generation Navy man, Portilla had joined the service as soon as he was able. Now 34, he had risen to the rank of captain. When he heard that the Navy was looking for applicants to serve as governor of Easter Island, he thought he would give it a go. He had always found the distant colony intriguing. Here was his chance to see it, and to have one last adventure before settling into midlife.

During their first months on the island, Portilla and his wife held court at Mataveri, hosting barbecues primarily for Chilean officials, though sometimes they invited Rapanui. Portilla joined the Navy soccer team—he played goalie—which consisted of officers and their Rapanui employees. On weekends, they faced off against Rapanui teams.

Portilla was a less fearsome leader than Martin had been. Under his administration there were no Navy-sanctioned beatings or head shavings. But he wasn’t a reformer. He was a paternalistic authoritarian. No Rapanui could go beyond the Wall or leave the island without his written permission. In Portilla’s view, this was how things should be.

Every Monday morning, dozens of Rapanui men amassed outside the front door of Portilla’s office in downtown Hanga Roa. They wore work clothes and milled about, waiting. To an outsider they might have looked like day laborers hoping to secure an honest wage. But here the men knew they would not be paid. They were partaking in a ritual known as State Mondays, the polite term used to describe weekly forced labor sessions.

Eventually, Portilla walked out his front door, stood on the building’s single step, and assessed the crowd. Then he broke them into several groups and gave orders for the day. Some Rapanui would do road repair work. Others would mend fences or storm damage to Navy buildings. The tasks varied according to the needs and whims of Portilla and his men.

Occasionally, the Rapanui grumbled about the work. Though technically any resistance was grounds for imprisonment, Portilla instead offered the men a brief pep talk. The labor was for the good of their own community, he said; the Rapanui were improving the island for themselves. His comments never addressed how exactly spending a Monday afternoon gardening in a Navy official’s yard for no money would help any Rapanui.

Rapu was exempt from State Mondays, as were all Rapanui men who had jobs at Navy headquarters or on the sheep ranch. But the sight of his friends, uncles, and cousins trudging to Portilla’s office every Monday distressed him. It wasn’t dignified, he thought, to be forced to work under threat of imprisonment. Rapu was reminded of how he had felt on his first visit home from Santiago, that something here was not right. His people, he now believed, had been beaten down, and they had lost sight of who they are.

So Rapu embarked on a new mission at the schoolhouse. He wanted the Rapanui to remember where they had come from, that they were the descendants of a great civilization, one that had learned to survive on this inhospitable island and built its famous moai statues. By 1964, most of the moai lay toppled and covered in lichen, surrounded by grazing sheep. Rapanui farmers plucked rocks from the ahu—the platforms the moai once stood upon—to build walls around their fields.

Rapu wanted to remind his people that the statues weren’t just ruins that littered the coastline. They were relics of a proud history, sacred monuments to the Rapanui’s ancestors.

He wanted the Rapanui to remember where they had come from, that they were the descendants of a great civilization.

Around a thousand years ago, a double-hulled sailing vessel ran onto the beach at Anakena Cove, on Easter Island’s northeastern coast. White sand formed a crescent around the bay. Beyond the beach stood a dense grove of towering palm trees.

The people who stepped off the vessel were the first to set foot on Easter Island. They were Polynesian scouts sent on a mission of exploration by their king. Finding the island was a stroke of luck. It was uninhabited and big enough to support a settlement. The scouts returned home to report their discovery. Sometime later, according to oral tradition, a small fleet landed in the same spot at Anakena, this time carrying not just young men but also women, children, and older male leaders, as well as seeds, plants, pigs, and chickens. This was the Rapanui’s ark.

Over the subsequent centuries, people fanned out across the island. They organized themselves into a network of cooperating clans, each controlling one slice of the island and the natural resources it contained. One clan had the best fishing cove, another the best pasture. Yet another looked after Rano Raraku, the volcano—also known as the quarry. This was where workers carved the moai.

In the Rapanui cosmos there is no heaven or hell; souls do not relocate after death. They inhabit grasses, mingle among their living relatives, or—in the case of exalted ancient leaders—take up residence in the moai. The moai thus had power, mana, over earthly events, which may explain why over time the people of Easter Island made them bigger, taller, and more ornate. At the peak of moai production, the statues were towering monuments. The biggest stood 30 feet tall, with a highly stylized face: a sharp jawline and an overlong, flared nose.

Sculptors carved a moai out of porous volcanic rock, right where it had hardened to the earth. When a statue was complete, they pried it from the ground and, with a system of ropes, stood it upright. Then they jostled it forward, a few feet at a time; men tilted it left while others tugged it forward on the right, and back and forth. With this technique, they transported statues weighing as much as a commercial airplane across the island. When they reached the coast, they used levers and ropes to hoist the statues onto the ahu.

The moai always faced inland, watching over the population. There was no reason for them to look seaward. For centuries no ships came over the horizon. Easter Island was like a lone planet floating through space.

Then, in 1722, three ships appeared. They were sent by the Dutch West India Company, and they marked the beginning of a new era. Over the next century and a half, until Chile’s annexation of the island, commercial ships, explorers, and settlers periodically landed on the Rapanui’s shores. Sometimes they engaged in trade, but more often they delivered calamity. The first three ships set the precedent: After sighting the island on Easter Sunday—hence the name they gave it—the crews landed, and the captains took a tour, guided by Rapanui leaders. When they returned to where they had left their men, the captains found carnage. Sailors had opened fire on a crowd of Rapanui men, killing nearly a dozen and wounding many more.

Later ships brought smallpox, and Peruvian slavers abducted men and transported them to South America. In 1868, a French pirate named Jean Baptiste Dutrou-Bornier set about transforming the island into his own personal fiefdom. He won some Rapanui allies, armed them, and terrorized a band of Jesuit missionaries who had settled in Hanga Roa, driving them and their followers from the island. Dutrou-Bornier ruled with impunity until one day, in 1876, three Rapanui men bludgeoned him to death.

Twenty-five years later, after the Company had taken over, the Rapanui attempted to topple a manager named Percival Edmunds. Led by a Rapanui woman named Angata, who claimed to be a prophet, a band of men slaughtered the Company’s cattle and marched on Company headquarters. As Edmunds bunkered at Mataveri, fearing for his life, a Chilean Navy ship landed. The sailors arrested two of the revolt’s male leaders and carried them back to Chile, breaking the spirit of the movement.

The assassination of Dutrou-Bornier was the first Rapanui uprising against a foreign authority. Angata’s revolt against the Company was the second. Alfonso Rapu, the quiet schoolteacher, would soon lead the third.

Chapter Three

Rapu started looking for ways to expand programming at the school, with an eye toward teaching Easter Island’s history. He partnered with Luis Paté, a popular fisherman, known to everyone as Papa Kiko, who had made it his life’s work to keep alive traditional songs and dances from the precolonial era. Papa Kiko and Rapu founded a dance troupe of children and teenagers. On weekends they met at the schoolhouse to craft traditional clothes—grass skirts, headdresses made of dried reeds—and to rehearse Papa Kiko’s music and dance steps.

To naval authorities the activity seemed innocuous, a way for the Rapanui to keep themselves busy. For Rapu it was a way of reintroducing himself to islanders, regaining their trust after so many years away, and reasserting his Rapanui identity. He was also creating a sense of community. In short, he was organizing.

Another center of influence had emerged at a campsite on the edge of Hanga Roa. In February 1964, a 40-foot schooner dropped anchor near the village. It belonged to a French adventurer, Francis Mazière, and his Tahitian wife, Tila. They had come to Easter Island, they said, to carry out a major archaeological research project. Without asking many questions, the Chilean government granted them permission to do their work, and Portilla and his wife gave them a dignified reception. But the Mazières did not socialize with the Chileans much after that. They were put off by the way Portilla stressed Chile’s European origins, as if to distance himself and his country from the indigenous people his country had displaced and dominated, including the Rapanui.

The Mazières were more interested in spending their time with locals. They set up camp and hired Rapanui men and women to help them with their fieldwork. Soon they were hosting campfire soirées, where they dropped hints that they might have a solution for the Rapanui’s problems: Leaders of several French Polynesian islands, including Tahiti, were working to form a new nation, the Polynesian Federation. Perhaps, the couple suggested, Easter Island could break away from Chile and join.

Rapu, who rarely attended the Mazières’ campfires, didn’t share the prevailing sentiment at the gatherings: He was not hostile to Chile, where he had spent so much of his life. His hope was not for Easter Island and Chile to separate, but for them to draw closer—for all Rapanui people to experience the privileges and freedoms he had enjoyed in Santiago. He wanted civil rights, not secession.

What’s more, he believed that the Navy had a role to play in bringing about change. In his view, John Martin, the governor who had ordered his brother beaten, was a bad actor, but that didn’t mean that the Navy itself was rotten. Rapu hoped Portilla might become his ally. Rapu taught the governor’s eldest daughter at the schoolhouse—she was an excellent pupil—and he found Portilla to be a responsible and engaged father. On the soccer pitch, their competitions were friendly. But Portilla soon disappointed Rapu by stymieing an initiative at the schoolhouse.

From his own experience, Rapu knew that young Rapanui children were often left alone while their parents worked. So he told the school’s head nun, Sister Petronila, that he wanted to create a kindergarten. It would give parents a place to deposit their kids during the day, and it would give Rapu and the nuns the opportunity to start educating children early. All Rapu needed was a field: Since the temperature on Easter Island hardly ever dropped below 60 degrees, and the schoolhouse was occupied, the kindergarten would be outside.

Sister Petronila explained the proposal to Portilla and asked for a plot of land. Portilla agreed, but the land he offered was a scrap of dirt, covered in low brush, at the edge of the village. It was too far from the school, and not nearly big enough to give kids room to play. When Rapu complained, Portilla didn’t budge.

Rapu next asked Portilla for better personal accommodations. He had learned from the nuns that there was a house in Hanga Roa, a few hundred feet from the school, that was officially designated for the island’s teacher. By rights, the Navy should have handed it over to Rapu. Instead, a Navy officer had made it his own.

Sister Petronila sent another petition to Portilla, who, sitting alone in his office, viewed it as reasonable. But he was nothing if not deferential to the chain of command, and he was unwilling to evict a fellow officer from the house without consulting his superiors in Valparaíso. In late August, he sent a telegram asking for guidance, and in response Valparaíso rejected Rapu’s request. Because he wasn’t married, authorities determined, he could remain with his parents. Portilla, ever the loyal Navy man, presented the decision as if he fully endorsed it.

Rapu was incensed and began reassessing his view of Portilla. The governor was mild mannered, yes. But in his official acts he was imperious, just like his predecessors. Rapu concluded that the governor didn’t regard the Rapanui as fellow citizens; he saw them as serfs.


On October 31, 1964, Guido Andrade, the Navy’s doctor on the island, threw a party. He had invited practically everyone in Hanga Roa to his small house, which he shared with his wife and daughters. The crowd overflowed from the living room onto the front stoop and into the street.

Andrade was perhaps the only person who comfortably straddled the divide between the Chileans and the Rapanui. If he received an invitation for a social engagement—a Navy dinner party or a backyard curanto, a communal cookout where pigs and yams were roasted in underground ovens covered by banana leaves—the answer was invariably yes. He could always be counted on to stay late and bring booze. And if he had once had a dalliance with a Rapanui teenager, well, most people chose to look past it. Life on the island could be monotonous, but Andrade never was.

No one else could have assembled the group that showed up that night. Portilla was there alongside island elders. Chilean sailors and young Rapanui men jostled for a spot near the bar.

At the end of the evening, Andrade quieted the crowd to give a speech. The intended audience, it seemed clear, was Andrade’s Rapanui friends, not the Chileans, much less Portilla. “Mi querido pueblo pascuense,” he began—my dear Easter Islanders. He had good news to share, he said. A new president had been elected in Chile. Eduardo Frei Montalva of the center-left Christian Democratic Party had promised in his campaign to be a reformer, and had even referenced the antiquated system of governance on Easter Island. The Rapanui should hope for a brighter future, Andrade said. Soon they might get relief from the “deficits of liberty” they had long endured.

Portilla, listening among the crowd, was furious. The next day, he summoned Andrade to his office.

“What are these deficits of liberty?” Portilla asked.

“There are many,” Andrade replied.

Portilla felt that Andrade’s speech was an act of insubordination. To Rapu it was an opening. It was the first time he had seen someone so brazenly defy naval authority. The episode made Rapu wonder what other kinds of resistance might be possible.

Germán Hotus, another guest at the party, had the same thought. Hotus had been a regular at the Mazières’ campfires, where he spoke openly of the Rapanui’s oppression and the need for reform. Throughout 1964, Hotus had spent many evenings visiting Rapanui families in their homes, listening to them talk about their hardships and telling them that life on the island needed to change. In the weeks after Andrade’s party, Rapu and Hotus met regularly at the schoolhouse or at Hotus’s home. They didn’t agree on all matters: Hotus was sympathetic to the Mazières’ separatism; Rapu still felt himself to be Chilean. But they shared the conviction that the Rapanui deserved a better life.

They also complemented each other. While Rapu could relate to the Chileans—and speak to them in Spanish—Hotus was a married father of nine who was employed at the village supply store. He was a man of the people. Rapu and Hotus became a team and started laying plans. They did not support violence, and neither aspired to be governor or king. Still, they believed that the Navy could be resisted, and that the regime on Easter Island could be prodded to change. They wanted to show the Rapanui how.

The Rapanui should hope for a brighter future, Andrade said. Soon they might get relief from the “deficits of liberty” they had long endured.

One day Rapu and Hotus learned that a Canadian naval ship had departed from Nova Scotia and was en route to Easter Island. Traveling on the Cape Scott was a team of scientists and physicians. They had received permission from Chile to land at Easter Island and study the Rapanui.

The whole idea bothered Rapu. What right did the Chilean government have to grant foreigners permission to inspect the Rapanui? But he and Hotus also sensed an opportunity. There was little that Chilean authorities and especially the Navy feared more than embarrassment on an international stage. With foreign observers on the island, Rapu and Hotus believed, the Navy would have to act with restraint, giving the two men more room to operate and to stage acts of defiance.

Rapu and Hotus began collaborating on a letter they intended to send to Chile’s new president. It would become a long document, incorporating the ideas of the men’s Rapanui allies: Rapu’s students from his night classes and Hotus’s contacts from his consciousness-raising tours of the community. It referenced Hotus’s interest in Easter Island seceding from Chile and joining the nascent Polynesian Federation, but it didn’t go so far as to endorse the idea. Longer passages were informed by Rapu’s Chilean patriotism, asserting a sense of common national identity and demanding full civil rights for islanders.

The men laid out the Rapanui’s grievances. “Mr. President,” they wrote, “what we want to say cannot be said here on the island.… We live under threat because if we speak freely the Governor says he will fire us from our jobs or send us to jail or that he’ll never let us travel to the Continent. This makes us live under a constant tyranny.” Their basic rights, they said, were infringed. They were not allowed to assemble without permission. Their Navy-controlled elections were not free and fair. They had been dehumanized by brutal punishments. They were confined to Hanga Roa. Their mother tongue was banned in radio communications.

In the face of these injustices, the letter’s demands were modest. They amounted, more or less, to a desire to be left alone. The Rapanui people, the letter said, were self-sufficient—“here, by our own initiative, we do everything.” All they wanted was a little bit of money to modernize. The funding should come from the proceeds of the sheep ranch, the letter said. The Rapanui would use it to buy machinery for a basic textile factory to avoid the cost of importing fabrics, for a woodworking shop to manufacture furniture, and for a cobbling facility to make and repair shoes. The Rapanui would also buy modern fishing and farming equipment. They would happily accept help from “civil, NOT MILITARY, technicians” to establish these new industries. Above all, they wanted the Navy to leave.

The letter was a cry for freedom. “We wish to be able to sing,” it concluded, “without being so ordered.” The plan was to smuggle several copies of the letter off the island and somehow, perhaps through the Chilean press, convey it to President Frei.

Rapu prepared the letter on a typewriter at the schoolhouse. Beneath the final paragraph, he typed the names of 45 influential Rapanui men; after each name he left a blank line. Then he sent two allies, Alberto Tepihi and Antonio Tepano, to collect signatures. He wanted the letter endorsed by the community’s prominent male citizens, which he hoped would make it more difficult to dismiss.

It was a risky gambit, because many of the men he listed opposed his vision for the future. Rapanui society was divided between those who wanted reform and those who didn’t. Some members of the Rapanui old guard, a contingent of men who held a variety of political sinecures doled out by the Navy, bristled at the notion of change. These men and their followers were a minority, but a sizable one, and they had access to more political power than Rapu’s supporters. Their leader was Hotus’s uncle Lázaro, the Navy-backed mayor of Hanga Roa.

Nonetheless, Rapu placed Lázaro’s name first on the list of signatories. He wagered it was worth a try to get the mayor and his allies to sign. Maybe asking them to sign a letter to the president would appeal to their egos. They might not even bother to read the letter—or they might not be able to. It was not lost on Rapu that, like the Chileans, he was exploiting his fellow Rapanui’s illiteracy, the very thing he was seeking to remedy in his evening classes. But in his mind, the ends justified the means.

Tepihi and Tepano spent a day crisscrossing Hanga Roa seeking out signatories. They added their own spin to Rapu’s plan: They told each man what they thought he wanted to hear. They told some that the letter was a New Year’s greeting for President Frei. They told others that it was a request for more resources for road construction. Around half the members of the old guard signed. When some, including Lázaro, refused, Tepihi and Tepano forged their signatures. When they returned to the schoolhouse, every signature line was filled out.

The next day, December 6, Hotus and Rapu convened a community meeting at the schoolhouse. They billed the event as an opportunity to discuss the upcoming election, scheduled for early January, for the positions of mayor and village councilors. All of Hanga Roa’s influential men showed up, including elders who supported Hotus and Rapu, and Lázaro’s cadre of loyalists. Lázaro opened the meeting. He listed the candidates—his political allies—who would be up for reelection, and who had been preapproved by Portilla. Then Rapu took the floor.

They should hold elections now, Rapu told the packed schoolhouse, and they should vote for whomever they wanted. When he asked the room who was in favor, almost everyone raised their hands. Lázaro tried to intervene, saying they couldn’t vote without the governor’s approval. Then Hotus cut in. The election, he said, was a matter for the Rapanui people and the Rapanui people alone. Never mind Portilla.

This was the second phase of Rapu and Hotus’s plan: to preempt the official election and hold a truly democratic vote. Hotus pulled out a page of handwritten notes and read the names of a new slate of candidates. They were fishermen and farmers, people who had attended Rapu’s literacy classes and the Mazières’ parties. Lázaro objected, saying that the new candidates were not suitable—they hadn’t been approved by the governor. Rapu backed up Hotus. The military, he said, should have nothing to do with the elections. Against Lázaro’s protest, the gathered men agreed to reconvene two days later for an election.

Lázaro marched to Portilla’s office and delivered a detailed report of the meeting at the schoolhouse. Portilla was alarmed by the Rapanui’s subversion of his authority, but he didn’t intervene. On December 8, Hanga Roa’s men returned to the schoolhouse to cast ballots. They elected the new slate of candidates and chose Rapu as mayor. Just as Rapu and Hotus had predicted, Portilla still took no action to punish them.

The Canadian ship was only days away. Nothing mattered more to Portilla than protecting the Navy’s reputation. He couldn’t lock up Hotus, much less Rapu. What would a team of Western scientists think if they discovered the island’s charismatic schoolteacher and newly elected mayor was a political prisoner?

On December 13, the Cape Scott dropped anchor in Hanga Roa bay. Portilla, accompanied by two military officials, greeted the foreign visitors. The expedition’s leader, Stanley Skoryna, would later write of how impressed he was by the young governor’s hospitality.

The next day, Rapu met Skoryna at the island’s naval hospital. As part of their research, the visitors wanted to conduct medical exams on every member of the Rapanui community. Rapu told Skoryna that he could help secure the cooperation of the village, as long as Skoryna agreed to some conditions: Women could only be examined by female doctors. All results would be shared with the subjects and their families. The Rapanui reserved the right to suspend the exams at any time. Finally, Rapu said, if the researchers wished to donate any supplies to the island as an act of goodwill, they should deal with Rapu directly, not the Navy.

A few days later, another opportunity to defy naval authority emerged. A cable from Chile’s Ministry of Public Works reached Portilla’s desk, requesting that the lone bulldozer on Easter Island be shipped to the mainland. The bulldozer had been brought in a few years earlier to dislodge a U.S. Air Force plane that had become stuck on the island’s dirt runway. Ever since, Chilean government functionaries on the island, alongside Rapanui laborers, had used the machine to build roads and boat ramps. The community had come to regard the bulldozer with a sense of pride: It was a symbol of modernity. No one in the Rapanui community would be pleased to see it go. Sure enough, as soon as Portilla instructed Navy officials to load the bulldozer onto the Cape Scott—the ship’s captain had agreed to transport it to Valparaíso—outrage spread through the village.

Within hours of Portilla’s order, Rapu told Humberto Paté, a Rapanui mechanic, to render the machine inoperable. The mission, Rapu told him, had to remain secret. That night, as Rapu taught his literacy class, Paté appeared at the schoolhouse door. The classroom went quiet. Paté held up a burlap bag.

“Teacher,” he said, “I’ve got the—”

Rapu cut him off. “Thank you, put it in the back,” he said. Turning to the class, Rapu said, “Humberto brought me some fuel.” In fact, the bag contained the bulldozer’s driveshaft.

The next day, when Portilla’s men tried to start up the bulldozer, they discovered that it was dead. Portilla was enraged. He had restrained himself up to that point, but he couldn’t tolerate sabotage. A few hours later, Sergio Piñeiro, the captain of the Chilean Air Force contingent on the island, approached Rapu outside the schoolhouse. “Teacher,” he said, “we’re going to Portilla’s.” Rapu got in the captain’s Jeep.

When he walked into Portilla’s office, Rapu found the room full. Portilla, two Navy officials, Lázaro, and two other members of the Rapanui old guard were seated around Portilla’s desk. Hotus was also there. Rapu sat down.

Portilla launched into a diatribe, accusing Rapu of inciting a “subversive movement.” Rapu argued that Portilla shouldn’t have authority in the first place. The leader of Easter Island should be a “native,” he said. Portilla was indignant. “I’m the governor,” he said. But now Rapu was picking up steam. The Navy had no business managing the ranch, he said; it should belong to the Rapanui. The Navy also shouldn’t occupy homes in Hanga Roa, including the teacher’s house; these structures belonged to the island’s people. The Rapanui must be free to move about, to visit the lands of their ancestors, to fish where they pleased.

Lázaro pointed out that people were already free to fish where they liked, as long as they got permission first. Portilla asked Rapu to consider how much the Navy gave the Rapanui, and how much worse things would be without Chile overseeing the island. “It is the bare minimum!” Rapu shot back. “The Navy is exploiting the ranch and keeping the profits!”

Portilla, flustered, tried to change tack. He brought up the bulldozer and its missing driveshaft. Rapu denied being involved and, seeking a way to escape the office, agreed to get to the bottom of the matter and help recover the part. Portilla extracted a promise from him: Rapu would deliver the driveshaft the next morning or there would be trouble.

The following day Portilla waited, but Rapu never came. It was the final straw. Portilla decided that, to restore order on the island before the situation escalated any further, he would have to call for help. He sat down at his desk and tapped out a telegram to Valparaíso. For the first time, he told his superiors that there was trouble on the island.

“We have discovered a subversive movement carried out by the islanders against the Navy,” he wrote. “The movement is led by the schoolteacher Alfonso Rapu (a native). … We suggest transport for the schoolteacher.”

The next day, Portilla got an answer. The message read: “The Commander in Chief of the Navy has approved the return of Alfonso Rapu to the continent aboard the Canadian transport Cape Scott.

Rapu argued that Portilla shouldn’t have authority in the first place. The leader of Easter Island should be a “native,” he said.

On an evening in mid-December, shortly before the Cape Scott departed the island, there was a farewell party—a traditional Rapanui sau sau, with singing, dancing, an open fire, and a roast. The researchers who had come on the ship would be staying for a while, so the islanders were sending off the Cape Scott’s foreign crew, as well as Dr. Andrade and his family. People thought Andrade was leaving of his own volition; he and his family had long said they planned to move back to Chile when the annual supply ship came—the Cape Scott just let them do so a bit earlier.

In fact, Portilla had ordered Andrade to leave. He suspected the doctor of being a collaborator with Rapu, and he had already sent accusations of subversion to his superiors. Andrade knew he was in trouble, but he didn’t let on at the party. He drank and danced, wearing white slacks and a white linen shirt. He didn’t want to spoil his last night on the island with any bad news.

Rapu was in attendance. He didn’t know about Andrade’s situation, or that Portilla was working to have him shipped to Chile, too. But as he chatted with friends, he overheard snippets of other conversations nearby.

“…the people who believe they’re educated and superior…”

“…disappear from the island…”

“…going to scare them off like rats.”

He wasn’t sure what the comments meant, if anything, but he found them strange.

That night around 11:30, on his walk home in the hills, Rapu saw a man coming toward him. In the dark, Rapu couldn’t make out who it was. When the man spoke, it was in a Chilean accent. “You need to hide,” the man said as he passed by and disappeared into the dark. Rapu was spooked. Instead of continuing home, he followed dirt trails winding through farm fields until he reached his grandmother’s house, where he had lived as a young child. He lay down on the floor with a blanket and went to sleep.

The next morning, Portilla ordered his men to find Rapu and Hotus, whom the governor also wanted to send to Chile, and bring them to the Cape Scott. Under normal circumstances, finding anyone in Hanga Roa was a simple matter. There were fewer than 2,000 people on Easter Island, and everyone knew everyone else. But as Portilla and his men canvassed locals, they found that no one knew where Rapu and Hotus were.

Juan Edmunds, a Rapanui man from the old guard, told Portilla that Rapu was hiding at his uncle’s house. Portilla drove across town in his Jeep, but Rapu wasn’t there. Another Chilean officer heard that Rapu was at the home of a government functionary, Nicolai Escalante, who was viewed as sympathetic to the Rapanui cause. Escalante, bewildered, pleaded ignorance. Meanwhile, Lázaro knocked on the door of his nephew’s home and demanded that Hotus’s wife turn him over. She answered, honestly, that she had no idea where he was.

Still bunkering at his grandmother’s house, Rapu sent his brother Carlos, who had joined him, down to the village to find out what was going on. As Carlos approached their parents’ house, he spotted Portilla, accompanied by several military men, at the front door. Hidden in the brush, Carlos watched Portilla talking to his mother. Then he raced back to warn his brother. The Navy was after him, Carlos said.

Rapu had been in a kind of denial—he had believed that if his intentions were pure, and people understood them, the outcomes of his actions would be just. Now he understood that the Navy meant to ship him off the island like the disappeared lieutenants of Angata, the supposed prophet, half a century before. He told Carlos to descend to the village again, carefully, to gather supplies and a few trusted friends. Then they would venture beyond the Wall, into the island’s interior.


The Cape Scott departed on schedule, without Rapu or Hotus on board. Portilla had failed. The governor watched the ship leave, then returned to his office and notified Valparaíso. “It was not possible to embark the schoolteacher Alfonso Rapu,” he wrote in a telegram. “He is hiding, presumably on the island, protected by islanders. … The bulldozer was not sent to the continent [either] because it was impossible to move. … The situation is serious.”

Portilla wondered if the Rapanui who denied knowing where the men were had done so not out of ignorance but to deceive him. What if the whole village was behind Rapu and Hotus? Portilla’s fear only deepened when Lázaro came to see him and reported a rumor: Lázaro claimed that Rapu’s true objective was for Easter Island to secede from Chile. The schoolhouse election, the sabotage of the bulldozer, Rapu’s flight to the interior—these, Lázaro said, were the opening salvos in a revolution.

The accusation was false—Rapu had never sympathized with the secessionist agenda of the Mazières, who had departed the island in November—but the truth was not what mattered, at least for now. Portilla believed Lázaro’s claim, and it frightened him. It seemed clear to the governor that Rapu was the main instigator of the brewing rebellion. Now Portilla tried to mount a haphazard counterinsurgency campaign. He held conciliatory meetings with members of the Rapanui community at the schoolhouse and in his office. He hoped to show that he did care about the people, their well-being, their future.

But on December 23, after two days of these meetings, Portilla saw how futile his outreach had been. That afternoon a new rumor—another false one—spread through the village: Rapu had been detained, and the Navy was holding him as a political prisoner. By the evening, virtually every resident of Hanga Roa had heard this report, and Rapu’s supporters took to the streets. Wielding clubs and farm implements, they marched down the village’s roads. They descended on a government building where they believed Rapu was being held. In the dark, they shouted in Rapanui and Spanish, demanding the teacher’s release, until the crowd, realizing that Rapu was not there, dispersed.

The next morning, Portilla sent yet another telegram to Valparaíso. This time he asked for reinforcements. “The community supports the subversive movement,” he wrote. “The goal is to secede from Chile.” It was “necessary,” he went on, “to send a ship as soon as possible.”

Portilla did not know that another message was on its way to Chile. Sister Esperanza, a nun who was friendly with Rapu, had secured passage from Easter Island on the Cape Scott. She was carrying precious cargo: Sealed in an envelope and tucked in her bag was the letter addressed to President Frei, signed by Rapanui leaders, demanding liberty for their people.

Chapter Four

On December 26, in Valparaíso, second lieutenant Germán Goddard Dufeu of the Chilean Navy received word that there was trouble on Easter Island. The news was confusing—and alarming. There was talk of insubordination, foreign influence, and mutiny by a Chilean naval official (meaning Andrade). Dufeu and his crewmates soon received orders to prepare their ship, the Yelcho, and a contingent of marines to depart for Easter Island. At the Valparaíso barracks, men assembled supplies and armaments for the mission. Based on the little information available, they assumed they would ship out soon to quell a violent rebellion.

That same day, the news leaked to Chilean papers that there was trouble in the country’s island colony. Reporters in Santiago peppered government officials with questions. “Everything is normal on the island,” a Navy spokesperson said, insisting that the military was not in any way cruel to the Rapanui. The denials had little effect, and the news of turmoil on Easter Island soon appeared in international papers, including The New York Times.

On December 28, Frei met with his top cabinet ministers at his official residence. His administration was already under pressure from some domestic critics and a handful of international allies to reform the regime on Easter Island. The last thing Frei needed was a charismatic freedom fighter capturing news interest and intensifying these demands.

Another threat loomed—or at least the administration believed it did. Portilla had accepted as fact that Rapu wanted Easter Island to secede from Chile, and he had conveyed as much to the government. Now, in the December 28 meeting, defense minister Juan de Dios Carmona told Frei that a French warship was sailing across the Pacific toward Easter Island. It was a coincidence that the French vessel was in the ocean at the time, but that’s not how the government ministers understood it: They saw a provocation—a first move, perhaps. After all, Francis Mazière, one of the people who had encouraged the Rapanui to secede from Chile, was French. Maybe the ship was on its way to help the cause of independence.

Dios Carmona told the president the ship could not be allowed to reach the island. Frei ordered the Yelcho mission to proceed; he wanted troops in Hanga Roa as soon as possible.

The day after the cabinet meeting, the Cape Scott dropped its ramp onto a pier in Valparaíso. Reporters, Rapanui expats, and curious Chileans crowded the dock. As the press clamored for answers, Sister Esperanza emerged from the ship in her black habit. She ignored the questions shouted at her and advanced through the crowd, Rapu’s letter to the president still safe in her bag.


Rapu didn’t know that he had sent his letter to a government that now viewed him as a secessionist, a traitor. Five days earlier, as the Cape Scott departed Easter Island, he had ridden into the island’s interior on horseback. He traveled with two of his brothers, Rafael and Carlos, and a friend, Sorobabel Fati, who had become a trusted lieutenant. With military Jeeps roving Hanga Roa’s dirt roads searching for him, Rapu decided that his best option was to disappear into the countryside. The Chilean Navy had never bothered to master the terrain. With the Rapanui confined within the Wall, and only a few government functionaries managing the sheep ranch, why would it?

Although confined for generations, the Rapanui still had knowledge of the landscape, passed down through oral tradition and preserved by whatever trips to the interior had been possible over the years. Rapu headed for the island’s caves. With the entrances hidden from view by tall grass, the caves were subterranean pockets in the island’s volcanic foundation. For centuries the Rapanui took shelter in them at moments of crisis: during the battles against the pirate Dutrou-Bornier, and during the Chilean crackdown following Angata’s revolt. Now Rapu needed them. He spent his first night as a fugitive in a cave just beyond the hills over Hanga Roa. (Hotus was hiding elsewhere, lest the two men be caught together.)

Down in the village, Portilla, Piñeiro, and their subordinates continued searching. Most of Rapu’s supporters didn’t know where he was—he’d kept his journey to the interior strictly need-to-know—but dozens of them decided to show their solidarity by setting up camp in his parents’ front yard. They held curantos, sang traditional songs, and debated the island’s political future. It was a kind of vigil, and also an act of resistance against the Navy.

Rapu moved to a new hiding spot every 24 hours. He spent one day at the base of the Terevaka volcano. The next night he trekked across the island and camped on the Poike peninsula. Friends shuttled food and supplies to him. During the first week, they also brought information, tidbits they’d gleaned from sympathetic Chileans who knew what was happening on the mainland. Andrade arrested in Valparaíso. Armed marines on the way.

In Hanga Roa, Rapu’s supporters sensed that a fight was coming. One evening, a Canadian doctor was walking with a Rapanui friend, a woman, when Portilla sped by them in his Jeep. The Rapanui woman gestured toward Portilla, as if holding a rifle. “There will be blood,” she said.

With military Jeeps roving Hanga Roa’s dirt roads searching for him, Rapu decided that his best option was to disappear into the countryside.

On January 5, 1965, the Yelcho anchored in Hanga Roa bay. The men on board were prepared for battle and its aftermath. Commander Guillermo Rojas would lead the contingent of marines onto the island. A Navy prosecutor, Aldo Montagna, was on hand to initiate criminal proceedings against any captured rebels. And John Martin, the brutal former governor who had ordered Rapu’s brother beaten in the street, was there as a purported expert on the island and a liaison to its people.

As the three men approached land, they heard singing. Drawing closer, they saw women on the coastline dancing in grass skirts. When they stepped onto shore, the women approached and hung flower garlands around their necks.

The Chileans were stunned, which was exactly what Rapu had hoped for. While in hiding, he had engineered the welcome party with the goal of psychologically disarming the marines. The plan seemed to work. Rojas took the welcome party as a sign that the Rapanui viewed him as their savior. “Extraordinarily affectionate reception for the Delegate,” he wrote in a report to his superiors, referring to himself. “Frightened community anxiously awaited [my] arrival.” (Rojas also concluded that Martin was “very loved” by the people.)

As the marines set up camp, Rojas marched into town. He had gotten wind of a meeting at the schoolhouse. When he arrived, he found the building full. Rapanui women and men—all supporters of Rapu—had gathered to draft a list of demands. When Rojas strode in, the room went quiet. He began explaining how he would solve the island’s problems. He would restore order and Navy rule. He spoke slowly, deliberately, as if to children. The Rapanui, he later wrote, lacked “sufficient mental agility to relate or comprehend multiple consecutive ideas.”

Rapu’s supporters responded politely and moved toward the exits. Rojas was pleased. “Very good disposition toward the Delegate,” he wrote in his report. “[The] meeting dissolved within five minutes once I explained how I am going to solve the situation.” Rojas concluded: “It appears the inhabitants do not desire laws that would deprive them of the Navy.”

Like his response to the welcome party, Rojas’s gullible reaction to the schoolhouse meeting seemed to lessen the risk of bloodshed. The next day, Rapu felt safe enough to come out of hiding for an interview with Rojas and Montagna, the prosecutor. Rapu still clung to the hope that if only he could explain what he wanted—integration with Chile, basic rights for his people—the authorities just might grant it. Perhaps, Rapu thought, Rojas’s mind had been opened by what he’d seen on Easter Island so far.

The men met at the courthouse. Rapu sat down across from Rojas and Montagna, and a Navy officer asked him to identify himself.

“Alfonso Rapu.”

“Twenty-two.”

“Single.”

“Literate.”

“Native of Easter Island.”

As the interview proceeded, Rapu presented himself as a leader of his people, but also as a good citizen not trying to cause trouble. “Throughout 1964, I carried out my work as the island’s teacher and met the obligations of my job in the normal manner,” he said. He emphasized that his loyalties lay with Chile. He had disliked the Mazières’ pro-Polynesian “propaganda,” because he viewed it as “anti-patriotic,” he said. Portilla, he claimed, was the true source of conflict, a volatile and paranoid leader who had brought Hanga Roa to the brink of violence. Rapu laid out some of the demands that Portilla had refused to accede to—demands, Rapu said, that came from discussions with his fellow Rapanui. Chief among them were that natives be allowed to move freely about the island, and that the results of their democratic elections be respected by Chile.

The interview ended, and Rojas dismissed Rapu. At the very least, Rapu felt that he had achieved a kind of détente, and he returned to his parents’ house to decide on his next move. Hotus was also interviewed by the Chileans and released.

These conversations convinced Rojas that Rapu was the leader with ideas and influence. Rojas wasn’t alone: Events on the mainland were raising Rapu’s profile—and changing the state of play on Easter Island once again.

On January 6, the Santiago newspaper Última Hora published the Rapanui’s letter to the president. “Exclusive! Pascuenses send a letter to Frei,” the headline read. “They describe abuses committed against them.” Along with the letter, the paper ran a glowing profile of Rapu. “Alfonso Rapu, a 22-year-old teacher, is the leader of Easter Island,” it declared.

The letter caused a sensation. In the following days, other newspapers in Valparaíso and Santiago covered it or ran excerpts. Inside the government, the letter heightened the sense of emergency. The schoolteacher seemed to have outwitted Frei’s administration, influenced media coverage, and shaped public opinion from 2,000 miles away. Among the letter’s accusations of head shavings, whippings, and other abuses, one line stood out to Chile’s leaders: “We have heard from people from other islands who share our Polynesian blood that our conditions would be better if we joined the Union of the Islands of Polynesia.” Rapu had tried to hedge, writing in the next sentence, “We don’t want to consider these propositions.” But it was the implied threat of secession—not the disclaimer—that attracted notice.

The Chilean congress passed emergency legislation that changed Easter Island from a territory into a “sub-commune” of the Region of Valparaíso. The new status was intended to more firmly attach the island to the country, making secession a complicated prospect. On the morning of January 8, word of the letter and the legislation reached Rojas on Easter Island via telegram. The message highlighted the risk of Easter Island joining the Polynesian Federation. It listed the name of every man whose signature appeared on the Rapanui’s letter. And it requested that Rojas and his men “investigate veracity of … the accusations” of abuse made against the Navy.

Rojas was blindsided. He had thought the situation on the island was under control. What the telegram reported was an outrage and a humiliation. The Rapanui were publicly questioning the integrity of Chilean officers, including John Martin, now serving by Rojas’s side.

When Rojas finished reading the telegram, he ordered his men to search Hanga Roa. They were to round up every Rapanui man who had signed the letter.

Within hours, officers were interrogating the men one by one. When Papa Kiko, the leader of the children’s song and dance troupe, was asked if he had signed the letter, he said that he had. Asked if the letter was accurate, he said that it was. Martin flew into a rage, his face turning red. He had known the Rapanui, and Papa Kiko in particular, to be docile, compliant. He was frustrated—offended even—that the old man had joined Rapu’s rebellion. “Now I’m hearing you’re with them, too,” Martin said. Papa Kiko refused to budge; he stood by the letter. The marines led him from the office and locked him in the House of Stone.

Other Rapanui men who affirmed their support of the letter were thrown in jail. Some disavowed it under pressure. And those whose signatures had been forged said as much—they blamed Rapu and Hotus.

Following the interrogations, Rojas sent a missive to Valparaíso. Rapu and Hotus were the authors of the letter, he reported, the contents of which were false. The signatures, he added, had been obtained “fraudulently.” Both Rapu and Hotus would be arrested.

Since his interview, Rapu had been at his parents’ house. On the afternoon of January 8, as Rojas and Martin questioned and jailed his supporters, Rapu received updates from friends. He saw that his options were narrowing. Judging from the reports he was receiving, the Chilean soldiers who had arrived on the Yelcho were becoming increasingly agitated. Even if he fled into the hills again, he could not hide forever. When the headlights of a Navy Jeep strafed his parents’ windows that evening, Rapu decided to turn himself in.

He walked out the front door to find Martin and a marine, both armed, waiting for him. Martin told Rapu that he was under arrest. The former governor also instructed him to summon his brother Rafael, who was only 17, but known to be one of Rapu’s most active and loyal helpers. The Navy wanted to speak with him, too. The two brothers walked down the steps from their parents’ patio and clambered into the Jeep’s back seat. As the vehicle rattled down the dirt road toward Hanga Roa, Rafael looked down at his elder brother’s legs. They were trembling.

When Rojas finished reading the telegram, he ordered his men to search Hanga Roa. They were to round up every Rapanui man who had signed the letter.

The Jeep rolled to a stop outside the courthouse. Martin escorted Rapu inside, to the same room where he had been interviewed before. Rojas and Montagna were there, and so was a Navy officer sitting behind a typewriter. (Portilla, whom Rojas had decided was an ineffective leader, had been sidelined.) Martin instructed Rapu to sit down, then Rojas placed a piece of paper on the table in front of him. It was the telegram Rojas had received that morning, describing the letter sent to Frei.

“Did you write the letter?” Rojas asked.

Rapu said that he had.

As the questioning continued, Rapu feared that it was little more than pretext, and that the marines would soon carry him to the Yelcho. He was certain that if he boarded the ship, he would never make it off alive. He imagined being thrown overboard, and the marines explaining themselves when they reached Valparaíso. They would say he leapt into the ocean like other Rapanui men before him, those who a century before had chosen death after being captured by slavers. Rapu would become a martyr to the Rapanui, but he would always be a fool to the Chileans, like Riro, the poisoned king.

After an hour, Rojas stood up. In the name of the government and the Navy of Chile, he said, “Lo declaro reo”—you are a prisoner.

Outside, unbeknownst to Rapu or his interrogators, a rescue operation was under way. After Rapu was arrested, his supporters had mobilized. Their plan was slapdash: The road to the government building where Rapu was being questioned was separated from the rest of Hanga Roa by a ditch dug into the street, with metal slats laid across it to allow vehicles to pass. Martin’s Jeep had trundled over them to deliver Rapu to Rojas. Now several of Rapu’s supporters pulled up the slats and threw them aside, leaving the road unpassable by vehicles. If the marines wanted to take Rapu to the Yelcho, they would have to do it on foot—and get past the Rapanui.

A mob of women, including Reina, Rapu’s mother, amassed behind the stone wall outside the courthouse. Their men stayed behind them; Rapu’s supporters had decided that women should form the front line, because the marines would be less likely to shoot them. Standing shoulder to shoulder, the women watched the building’s door, waiting for Rapu and his captors to emerge.

Inside, Rojas ordered two of his men to take Rapu to the marines’ encampment, to prepare for his removal from the island. As he was escorted toward the door, Rapu heard a murmur of voices outside. As soon as he walked out, the Rapanui women climbed over the wall and rushed toward Rapu and the marines, yelling. As the mob closed in, one woman, Herencia Teao, grabbed Rapu’s arm and pulled him toward her.

The marines tried to wrestle Rapu back into their custody, but the women struck them. One marine fired a pistol into the air—a warning shot—but the women did not relent. Keeping the marines at bay, and Rapu protected in their midst, the women moved as a group toward the coastline, until they reached the edge of the camp where the foreign researchers who had arrived on the Cape Scott were staying. This, the Rapanui believed, was the only safe harbor on their occupied island. As they pushed their way into the camp, chests heaving, several women told the bewildered researchers to start filming—the Rapanui were sure that the only thing that could protect them from foreign guns was foreign eyes.

Seconds later, a handful of armed marines came into the camp. One, brandishing a pistol, rushed toward Rapu. But Rojas, who entered the compound next, ordered the marines to stand down. Rapu, who had been hunched over catching his breath, stood up to face his adversary.

Rojas had two options. Outnumbered by the Rapanui, and in full view of Europeans and North Americans, he could try to take Rapu by force. Or he could deescalate. Rojas told his men to wait outside the camp and asked the foreign researchers to attend to any injured women. For the next two hours, Rojas and Rapu did a strange dance. Rojas walked through the camp speaking with groups of Rapanui, asking them to go home and assuring them that Rapu would not be harmed. Rapu, for his part, kept his distance. He did not want any Chileans to come near him. Eventually, Rojas sent Rafael Haoa—Rapu’s uncle, a Navy translator—to speak with him.

Were the rumors true, his uncle asked—did he want to secede from Chile? Rapu insisted once again that he wanted nothing of the sort. He wanted Easter Island and the Rapanui to be more Chilean, not less. The uncle returned to Rojas, conferred with him, and then delivered another message to Rapu. He was free to go, on one condition: He had to meet with Rojas peacefully the next morning. Rapu agreed.

Outside the camp’s rear gate, Rapu’s brother Rafael and another supporter were waiting for him with a horse. Rapu mounted it and rode out of the village alone, to spend one more night hiding in the interior. The next day, he had insisted, he would not go to the courthouse again. This time Rojas would have to come to him.


Rojas arrived at Rapu’s parents’ house by Jeep, accompanied by Martin. Rapu told the men that Martin wasn’t allowed inside, so Rojas agreed to meet with him alone. The naval commander had come to make a deal.

The balance of power on Easter Island had shifted. The Chileans had guns, radios, Jeeps, and the only ship for thousands of miles, but Rapu’s little revolution had managed to render all these resources moot. It was clear he wouldn’t be taken without a fight, which was likely to create a political nightmare for Chile. The Rapanui wouldn’t stand for it, and the foreign researchers would bear witness to whatever happened. Plus, since the publication of the Rapanui’s letter, public opinion on the mainland had swung in the islanders’ favor.

Rojas told Rapu that he needed his help. Together, they had to turn down the temperature on the island, lest the circumstances become explosive. Rojas asked Rapu to reassure his followers that Rojas could be trusted. In return, Rojas would give Rapu something no Chilean had ever offered to the Rapanui before. “We’ll hold an election,” Rojas said, for local officials. If Rapu really represented the people’s interests, as he claimed, they could elect him mayor. Or they could vote for the old guard and choose the status quo. “We’ll let the people decide,” Rojas said.

The next morning, a Sunday, Rojas and Martin gathered the Rapanui community in the plaza in front of Hanga Roa’s Catholic church to make an announcement. Martin addressed the crowd in Spanish. New elections for mayor and three councilors would be held on Tuesday, he said. Any Rapanui could be nominated—no approval from the Navy was required. Then he described the qualifications for voting, including one important change: For the first time, Rapanui women would be allowed to cast ballots.

At eight o’clock sharp on the morning of January 12, voters lined up outside the schoolhouse. They wore their Sunday best: men in blue and tan suits, hair parted and gelled; women in dresses cinched at the waist. Each voter identified themselves, and then approached a chalkboard where a list of candidates was written. Alfonso Rapu was up there, as were Germán Hotus and Jorge Tepano, another of Rapu’s lieutenants. Representing the old guard were some of Rapu’s adversaries, including Felipe Pakarati and Miguel Teao. Each voter called out their choice, and a Rapanui official repeated it. A stick of chalk was used to add a mark beneath the candidate’s name on the board.

By four in the afternoon, there were 286 marks. Only four candidates had received more than ten votes. Pakarati and Hotus each had 56 votes, while Tepano had 65. Rapu, with 99 votes, had won decisively. He would be mayor, and the runners-up would be the village’s three councilors.

The next morning at the governor’s office, before a crowd of supporters, Rojas swore in Rapu as Hanga Roa’s first democratically elected mayor, recognized by the Chilean state. Navy officials hoisted a Chilean flag, and Rojas led a rendition of the national anthem. “Beloved homeland, may you be either a tomb of the free or a refuge from oppression,” the Rapanui and Chilean marines sang in unison.

When the anthem ended, Rapu’s supporters surged forward. Singing now in Rapanui, they embraced Rapu and threw flower petals in the air. Then they formed rows and, behind their new leader, paraded through Hanga Roa, singing songs passed down from their ancestors.

Chapter Five

The transition from military to civilian rule was not immediate. The Navy maintained some authority for another year, and there were setbacks even as the institution relinquished control over the island. In early 1966, a new naval governor, appointed by the Chilean government to replace Portilla, overturned the results of the mayoral election, the one Rapu had won, and installed Miguel Teao in his place. But the Rapanui wrote a new letter to President Frei, complaining of the usurpation, and Rapu won back his position in the next election.

No one accepted responsibility for the excesses of the regime. The only Navy men penalized for their conduct on Easter Island were Portilla and Andrade: Portilla for failing to control the Rapanui, and Andrade for supporting Rapu and his allies. (Andrade was convicted of mutiny and jailed; his son says that he was tortured in prison, and he later went into exile.)

In February 1966, Frei signed an act that came to be known as the Ley Pascua, the Easter Island Law. It granted the Rapanui the full benefits of Chilean citizenship and the same civil rights as those living on the mainland. The law’s passage marked the final triumph of Rapu’s movement: His people could no longer be abused with impunity. They could no longer be detained on their own land. They were no longer serfs.

One of Rapu’s first acts as mayor had been to install a freshwater well. He turned his attention to electricity next. Water, light, food—he started with the basics, eliminating the material deprivation that his people had long endured. After the Ley Pascua was enacted, modernization accelerated. The Wall, now an unpatrolled artifact of the old regime, was dismantled bit by bit and repurposed as fencing around Rapanui farmers’ fields. By the end of the 1960s, supply ships were arriving twice a year. The following decade, it was every three months. In 1984, the president of Chile appointed Sergio, Rapu’s brother, as the island’s governor—the first Rapanui to serve in the role.

By then, Rapu himself had long been out of power. After his two-year term as mayor, he had declined to run again, even though some of his supporters urged him to. He withdrew from politics and became a farmer.


There is little trace of the revolution in present-day Hanga Roa. There is no Alfonso Rapu Avenue, no memorial honoring the women who rescued him in January 1965. It may be because Rapu himself simply got on with his life. His supporters did the same, or left the island for good. Germán Hotus was one of the first to go. After Augusto Pinochet’s 1973 military coup, Hotus fled to Tahiti, where he lived the rest of his life in exile. Rapu’s brother Sergio eventually made a life for himself abroad, studying archaeology in the United States, before returning to the island and making major discoveries about its ancient history.

Some surviving members of the old guard eventually had a change of heart and decided that Rapu’s revolution was for the greater good. Others told me that Rapu “did things the wrong way,” and a few still insisted he was a separatist, despite all evidence to the contrary. Lázaro, Rapu’s onetime nemesis, was suffering from dementia when I met him in 2012. A niece tried to help us talk, translating between Spanish and Rapanui, but Lázaro grew frustrated: It seemed that he remembered the events I was asking about, but couldn’t form the sentences to describe them. Finally, he gave up and told me, haltingly, “You should go talk to Alfonso. He’ll tell you everything. But don’t tell anyone I sent you.”

When I arrived at Rapu’s address, I passed through a gate in a wall made of maroon volcanic stone. Inside was a courtyard bordered by banana trees. Rapu’s modest one-story home sat on one side; on another was a row of motel rooms. At the time, Rapu and his wife, Carmen Cardinali, rented the rooms to tourists who came to Easter Island, mostly to see the moai. Rapu, who at 69 was tall and tan, with a lightly weathered face and a slight stoop, emerged from a sliding door and welcomed me inside.

We took a seat at the kitchen table, and he poured me a glass of ice water with a pale-yellow tinge. He had used a pineapple shell to imbue the liquid with flavor, he said. He didn’t like to waste any part of the fruit that was his livelihood; Rapu now spent his days growing and harvesting pineapples.

Over the next several weeks, we met for hours at a time to talk. Rapu told me about the movement of 1964, but eventually he tired of sit-down interviews and said that if I wanted to hear more, I should join him on his farm. He could use another set of hands anyway. We would drive out to his fields after lunchtime. The route took us over the hills that border Hanga Roa and past his grandmother’s house, where he spent much of his childhood and first took refuge when the Navy tried to capture him. We rattled over dirt roads—Rapu drove a rusted pickup truck with barely functioning suspension—until we reached the low, rolling hills of the island’s interior. They were covered in high grasses; when the wind blew, they looked like waves. Before Rapu’s rebellion, this space was off-limits to any Rapanui not employed by the sheep ranch. (The ranch ceased operations in the 1970s.)

I asked Rapu if he harbored any resentment toward the people who had stood in his way. For instance, Lázaro could have gotten him killed—his whisperings to Portilla were a key factor in escalating the conflict between Rapu and the Navy. As we pulled up the weeds threatening to choke his pineapple plants, Rapu insisted that Lázaro and his ilk hadn’t meant any harm. “They were ignorant,” he said.

If his words sounded dismissive, he didn’t mean them that way. He was sympathetic to the Rapanui who had been trapped inside the Wall for generations with no way out, their only option survival by any means. They hadn’t benefitted, as he had, from leaving the island and seeing what was possible. “They didn’t understand what we were doing,” Rapu said.

We reached the low, rolling hills of the island’s interior. They were covered in high grasses; when the wind blew, they looked like waves.

One of the people who did understand was Cardinali, Rapu’s wife. They married in 1966. Like him, she had studied in Santiago, and returned to Easter Island to be a teacher. They had encountered many of the same difficulties: being an outsider on the mainland for years, only to feel alienation among their own people. During an interview in 2020, Cardinali lit up as she talked about their months of courtship, of falling in love. They married at Rapu’s parents’ house.

According to a relative, Cardinali’s mother did not attend. She found him rude, and brusque with guests, contrary to Rapanui custom. I always found Rapu to be deliberate but gentle—exceedingly so. Once I helped him lug a bucket of slop to a pen that contained a pig that must have weighed 400 pounds. “It was a gift,” Rapu said of the animal. He was supposed to have slaughtered it years before, for meat. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “He’s my friend now,” Rapu said. This was a man frugal enough to reuse pineapple shells, and so compassionate that he would commit to feeding a quarter-ton pig for life.

But he was also just that: a man. For all the ways that he had shifted the Rapanui’s political fortunes, he hadn’t escaped his people’s oppression, poverty, and trauma unscathed. According to three of Cardinali’s siblings, Rapu had hit his wife throughout their marriage, like his father before him. When I interviewed Cardinali, she was not living with Rapu anymore. After nearly 50 years together, she had left him.  

Rapu told me that he never struck Cardinali. In fact, he said, they had only one major argument in their marriage. When I asked Cardinali if Rapu ever hit her, she said that some things are private. “There are things that are mine that I don’t talk about,” she said, adding: “Nevertheless, I respect him.” Then she changed the subject—or so it seemed.

“A lot of people come to the island and ask for stories from before,” she said. “They ask about the society, the history, which is all fine and good. But they don’t ask about survival. Do you understand?”

I wasn’t sure I did.

“There is a sad story of water and survival here. I’m going to tell it to you. We had droughts. The earth became so dry that it cracked. The people had to go in search of water. I lived that, and it was a hardship.”

“We looked for water in the caves,” Cardinali continued, “where we knew there had been water before. But sometimes you had to search further, in other caverns, or in the crater of the volcano. Descend into the crater on horseback. Carry clothes to wash. Take water and carry it up again to the crater’s rim. It was a hard life. A mother would hand you a jar of water and say bathe yourself with this. You had to bathe yourself with that water. The scarcity of water—it was the most basic necessity.”

It seemed as though, for a little while, Cardinali hadn’t been talking to me exactly. But now she fixed her eyes on mine. “You realize,” she said, “this is true anywhere. If there’s no water, there’s nothing.”


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Un banquete para las almas perdidas

Un banquete
para las
almas perdidas

EN SINALOA, MÉXICO, LAS MUJERES RECUPERAN LOS CUERPOS DE SUS SERES QUERIDOS DESAPARECIDOS Y COCINAN PARA MANTENER VIVOS LOS RECUERDOS DE LOS MUERTOS. 

Blanca Soto primero escuchó de Las Rastreadoras antes de que Camilo desapareció. “Yo sentí admiración por ellas, y a veces tristeza,” dijo ella. Pero una vez que su esposo desapareció, ella tenia miedo de unirse a las mujeres. Ella tenia la paranoia que su propia vida podría estar en peligro, y ella estaba preocupada de llamar la atención con activismo público. Aunque La Rastreadoras no buscan descartar al asesino o ponerlos detrás de las rejas – ellas solo quieren encontrar y enterrar los muertos – hay miembros del grupo quienes han recibido amenazas de muerte. Fue hasta abril del 2017, cinco meses después que a Camilo se lo llevaron, que un primo y una amiga en Las Rastreadoras convencieron a Blanca a que se uniera en una búsqueda.

Dos veces a la semana, los miércoles y los domingos, el grupo rastrea El Fuerte por restos humanos. Las mujeres que todavía no han encontrado a sus seres queridos llevan camisetas impresas que dicen te buscaré hasta encontrarte.  Las mujeres que han encontrado a sus personas desaparecidas llevan sus camisetas que dicen promesa cumplida.

Mirna Medina es la fundadora de Las Rastreadoras. Una maestra jubilada que habla rápido y llama la atención, Mirna posee una memoria excepcional para las fechas; sus amigas dicen que ella recuerda el día y el año de cada desaparición de alguien del grupo está sufriendo. La fecha de Mirna es el 10 de julio, la última vez que vio vivo a su hijo Roberto. Ella encontró sus restos tres años después—en la fecha exacta: cuatro vertebra y un fragmento del hueso del brazo, los cuales fueron identificados con los análisis del ADN. Roberto fue el cuerpo #93 recuperado por Las Rastreadoras. Él ahora está enterrado en un cementerio donde Mirna lo visita. Ella le prende velas, le pone flores y pasa sus dedos por la foto de su hijo en su lápida. 

Las Rastreadoras regularmente reciben pistas sobre dónde los cuerpos pueden ser localizados. A veces la información se comparte de manera anónima o por la policía. A veces los residentes locales encuentran algo sospechoso, como un pedazo de tierra movida. Las mujeres se van a estas puntas, acompañadas muchas veces por una seguridad armada. Ellas perturban la tierra con sus herramientas, y entonces penetran una barra hueca de metal que se usa en la construcción y huelen lo que sale de la misma. Ellas tienen la esperanza de oler algo podrido que seria la señal de la descomposición humana. 

María Cleofas Lugo, a quien todo en el grupo le llama Manqui, ha buscado por su hijo Juan Francisco desde el 19 de junio del 2015. Una foto de su cara cuelga en un cuadro plateado en una cadena alrededor de su cuello. Manqui es la mujer mas vieja del grupo, y ella es famosa por su sentido de olfato. Con la ayuda de una barra, Manqui puede detectar la historia que el olor de la tierra le dice. Un olor a almizcle limpio significa que no hay nada hay. A veces, sin embargo, hay un olor fuerte a carne podrida y a aguas residuales que le cubre los orificios nasales y la garganta. Cuando la barra sale con ese olor, es el olor de la muerte. Las Rastreadoras excavan.

A través de los años, Manqui ha aprendido la diferencia entre el olor de un cuerpo humano y el de un cadáver de animal. “El olor del ser humano es mas penetrante,” ella dijo. Muchas mujeres no pueden aguantar ese olor. Manqui les recuerda a ellas. “Sí, eso huele feo, pero puede ser nuestros hijos.”

Cuando ellos destapan un tesoro, ya sea este un diente o un torso, Las Rastreadoras pausan sobre el sitio. Ellas dicen una oración, un Padre Nuestro o un Ave María. Entonces ellas alertan al equipo forense del gobierno local, el cual puede hacer la prueba del ADN de los restos. Las mujeres esperan una correspondencia: que el tesoro que ellas encontraron pertenezca a alguien en su lista. Actualmente, Las Rastreadoras están buscando por mas de 1.500 personas desaparecidas; muchas de ellos son familiares o amigos de miembros del grupo, pero otros son extraños que los nombres se los suministraron personas que viven en El Fuerte.

En la primera excavación, Blanca no estaba segura de que hacer. Ella no sabia como utilizar las herramientas o velar a sus alrededores por las serpientes o prepararse ella misma contra el olor de la muerte. “Me fui ansiosamente, pero débil,” dijo ella. “Yo era una persona que no salió mucho.” En casa, Blanca se ponía vestidos y se soltaba el pelo. Ella estaba orgullosa de sus pies delicados y bien proporcionados, las cuales Camilo siempre había admirado. En esa primera búsqueda con Las Rastreadoras, las otras mujeres las provocaban porque ella apareció con guantes y llevándose una sombrilla, esperando evitar el sol ardiente de Sinaloa. Cuando Mirna le pasó una pala, Blanca apuñaló la pala en la tierra con tanta fuerza que le rebotó hasta el pecho, sacándole las lágrimas.

Su primera búsqueda fue negativa, la cual es la forma en que las mujeres describen las excavaciones que no encuentran ningún resto. La segunda búsqueda de Blanca fue positiva. El grupo se destapó un cuerpo en la posición fetal, todavía intacto en su mayoría. “La impresión fue algo horrible,” dijo Blanca. Cuando ella vio el cadáver, el aire se le salió de los pulmones y ella se cayó de espaldas. Otras mujeres, las rastreadoras con más experiencia, estaban allí para recogerla. Una de ella le dio un inhalador. Ellas estuvieron a su lado hasta que se pudo parar de nuevo.

Semana tras semana, Blanca continuaba a buscar con Las Rastreadoras. “Poquito a poco, seguí aprendiendo,” dijo ella. Pero ella se estaba afilando más que sus habilidades con una pala. Al igual que las otras rastreadoras, ella también estaba aprendiendo como, en lugar de un cuerpo y el final que se provee, a aprender a vivir con la perdida.

Cuando ella vio el cadáver, el aire se le salió de los pulmones y ella se cayó de espaldas. Otras mujeres, las rastreadoras con más experiencia, estaban allí para recogerla.

Durante el desayuno una mañana en Los Mochis, Juana Escalante Barreras me contó sobre su hijo, Adrián, quien desapareció el 24 de agosto de 2018. En las palabras de Juana, Adrián era un Robín Hood. El rescataba a los perros callejeros. El era flaco y siempre tenía frío, pero se quitaría a su suéter a cualquiera que le hubiera pedido.

La última vez que Juana vio a Adrián, él estaba saliendo de su casa en bicicleta para ir a entregarle cigarrillos a alguien. No mucho después de que él se había ido, Juana escuchó unos disparos. Ella sintió que su corazón se contraía. Ella corrió a la calle, gritando el nombre de Adrián, y vio a su hijo corriendo hacia ella. A él le estaban persiguiendo un hombre con una pistola. Cuando Adrián dobló la esquina, Juana perdió la vista de los dos. Sonaron dos disparos más. Juana salió hacía el sonido. Doblando la esquina, ella vio dos camionetas que salieron disparadas, dejando en el aire ese un olor de goma quemada en el aire. Un vecino estaba gritando, “¡Ellos lo mataron! ¡Ellos lo mataron!

En el lugar donde las camionetas habían estado, la sangre se acumuló en charcos entre las piedras de la calle. El vecino de dijo a Juana que Adrián había negado a subir en uno de los camiones. El estaba peleando en su propia defensa y trató de correr; entonces, el hombre le disparó a él y se fue manejando con su cuerpo.

“¿Con quien pude hablar?” me preguntó Juana. “¿Quién?

Aquí ella tomó una pausa, como si hubiera tenido una respuesta. Entonces ella continuó: “No podía hablar con la policía. La policía no va a hacer nada. Hay miles de personas que les están pasando lo mismo.”

Mientras que Juana hablaba, ella partió los panqueques en cuatro con el borde de un tenedor y apuñalaba a sus chilaquiles. “He tenido una manía desde entonces. Esto es lo que me consuela: la comida,” dijo ella. Le hace sentiré más cerca a su hijo. Adrián le amaba comer: tacos adobados de un restaurante en Los Mochis, y tortas de atún ahogadas en salsa de chipotle, la cual él siempre le pedía a Juana que le hiciera.

El apodo de Juana en Las Rastreadoras es Machete, por la manera tan afilada que ella habla, la cual corta toda la mierda. En un momento dado, ella me fijo con una mirada sobre el borde de su taza de café. Sus ojos eran una piscina negra sobre sus cachetes redondos. Yo le había dicho que estaba embarazada, un punto que acortó la distancia entre nosotras, a penas un poquito.

“Tú no has conocido a tu hijo,” me dijo. “Yo conocí a mi hijo por 27 años. Ne puedes imaginar mi dolor.”

“Tienes razón,” le dije. “No puedo.”

Ni tampoco puedo imaginar el dolor de Manqui. Ella conoció a su hijo, Juan Francisco, por 33 años. Era confiado. Le gustaba bromear. Aún cuando las cosas se viraron feos en su barrio, él hablaba livianamente sobre los sicarios: era seguro que su violencia no le afectaría.

A Juan Francisco le secuestraron mientas que él estaba instalando unas luces en un sitio de trabajo. Una camioneta roja sin placa se acercó y los trabajadores se dispersaron, sabiendo que las desapariciones forzadas estaban creciendo en el área. Juan Francisco trató de correr, pero una rodilla dañada lo retardó. Manqui mas tarde supo que algunos hombres lo habían subido a la camioneta, que ellos trataron de reclutarlo a él para que “hiciera un trabajo,” y que cuando él rehusó, ellos lo torturaron y lo mataron.

Manqui fue a la oficina del fiscal para llenar un reporte. A ella le dijeron que tenia que esperar 72 horas. Los oficiales le prometieron llamar a los otros hombres del sitio de trabajo para tomar sus testimonios de testigo, pero nunca lo hicieron. Manqui regresaba a la oficina cada semana hasta que un abogado le dijo que regresara más hasta que no tuviera algo que agregar al expediente de Juan Francisco. Ella se dio cuenta que nadie buscaría a su hijo excepto ella. 

En la casa de Manqui, las paredes están desnudas, excepto por dos retratos de boda y un afiche sobre-tamaño que se encuentra colgado sobre la mesa de la cocina. Allí se ve una foto de la cara de Juan Francisco, con sus ojos sombreados cubriendo sus ojos. te esperamos… ¡tu familia te ama! dice el afiche.

Con la foto de Juan Francisco sobre ella, Manqui desliza triángulos gruesos de flan sobre los platos de cerámica.

Su hijo era un goloso para los dulces, y por eso ella estaba acostumbrada a hacerle ese plato. Ahora, siempre y cuando lo prepara, ella se siente como si ella le va a dar la bienvenida a la casa. Como si en cualquier minuto, Juan Francisco podría entrar por la puerta. “Yo lo voy a buscar,” dijo ella, “hasta que muera.”

México es un país que le da de comer a sus muertos. Cada año, botellas de Fanta y platos de pan dulce y pollo con mole adornan a los altares en el Día de los Muertos. La comida es una forma de recordar y honrar a aquellos quienes han fallecido. Para Las Rastreadoras, se ha convertido en algo más.

La idea de compilar un recetario surgió unos años después de que se formó el grupo. La fotógrafa Zahara Gómez Lucini había pasado tiempo documentando a Las Rastreadoras y conjuntamente llegaron a la conclusión tan cruel como inevitable: El problema con un tema de décadas como lo de los desaparecidos es que el público se cansa de eso, de oír los nombres de los desparecidos, de comprender los números siempre creciendo de ellos, de ver las fotos de los cadáveres y mirando a sus madres llorar. ¿Cómo Las Rastreadoras, entonces, podrían responder al borrado de sus seres queridos? ¿Cómo podrían resistir el olvido?

La comida fue la respuesta. Todas las mujeres tuvieron memorias de sus seres queridos que eran atadas con cocinar y comer. Ellas decidieron recopilar las recetas de los platos que más les gustaban a sus seres queridos. Ellas invitarían a sus lectores a que probaran sus perdidas. Las recetas serían recordatorios de los lazos que compartían los muertos y sus familias y amistades, de las mesas donde se sentaron y el placer que sintieron en comer. Los platos serían la muestra de vida y portales a la empatía. Y lo que era más, las mujeres crearían el libro juntas; ellas crearían algo duradero desde sus memorias colectivas. Ellas podrían transformar el acto mundano del cortar cebollas, cernir harina o caramelizar el azúcar en un sacramento.

Juana contribuyó con su receta de la torta de atún con chipotle. Manqui compartió su técnica para hacer el flan. Mirna, la fundadora del grupo, describió como hacer pizzadillas: tortillas envueltas con carne asada, pico de gallo y queso. Al final del día, eran 27 mujeres quienes compartieron platos para el proyecto.

Recetario para la Memoria fue publicado en el 2019. Además de las recetas, ésta contiene las imágenes de Zara de los miembros de Las Rastreadoras preparando sus platos: de mujeres creando los medios de su sobrevivencia física y emocional. Muchas de ellas fueron fotografiadas cocinando sus platos preferidos por la primera vez después que sus seres queridos habían desparecidos. 

Célebres chefs mexicanos, incluyendo Enrique Olvera y Eduardo García, ambos dueños de destinaciones de alta cocina en la Ciudad de México, endosaron el proyecto. Personas tan lejos como Noruega, Sudáfrica y Chile les enviaron mensajes de apoyo y fotos de los platos que ellos habían preparados de las recetas del libro en sus propias cocinas. Las ganancias generadas por las ventas del libro ayudaron a Las Rastreadoras pagar la renta para una oficina en Los Mochis y pagar las necesidades para su trabajo, cosas tales como herramientas y gasolina.

Además, el proyecto tenía beneficios más íntimos, a los cuales yo fui testigo. Cuando se habla de las desapariciones y la muerte, las mujeres de Las Rastreadoras eran estoicas; ellas podían describir la sangre en la calle o los huellos en la tierra sin pestañar. Pero las emociones les ahogaban a sus voces cuando ellas hablaban de la comida de los desaparecidos. Retornar a los sabores familiares que ellos una vez compartieron con un hijo o un esposo le permitió al dolor salir y tomar forma, como el agua del mar llenando un hueco en la arena. Cocinar era una manera de darle voz a lo indecible. Reconoció la ausencia eterna de las bocas que las mujeres añoraban darles de comer, de las vidas cortadas prematuramente por la violencia sin sentido.

Blanca contribuyó al libro de cocina su receta de pozole de cerdo. Ella ya se había convertido en una miembro veterana de Las Rastreadoras, alguien que iba a excavar dos veces por semana tan frecuente como pudiera, y quien contaba a los miembros del grupo como sus amigos. Sigue siendo así. Durante un fin de semana en 2021, Blanca reunió con varias rastreadoras en un restaurante cerca de una playa al sur de Los Mochis. Sobre pescado a la parilla, ceviche y aguachile, las mujeres provocaban y discutían y bromeaban. Entre menciones de asuntos forenses y las visitas a la oficina de la fiscalía, hubo el sonido de las aperturas de unas latas de cerveza Tecate.

“El banquetear se permite olvidar el terror y la soledad de la existencia, por lo menos por un momento,” escribió la antropóloga Gina Rae La Cerva.” “Tal placer nos trae dentro de ese amor crudo, loco y profundo por la vida.” El banquetear puede ser también una manera de compartir y aliviar el dolor.

Algunas de las mujeres en la mesa no conocían la historia de Blanca. Eso no era por falta de empatía. Era porque Blanca había sido parte de Las Rastreadoras por mas de cuatro años, y el grupo había crecido mucho más desde que ella se unió por la primera vez. Había muchas caras nuevas, muchos desaparecidos para poder seguirle el rastro, muchos restos sacados de la tierra.

“¿Cómo tú encontraste a Camilo?” unas de las mujeres le preguntaron mientras ella pasaba las tortillas en la mesa. “Dinos—o no nos diga, si no quieres.”

A Blanca no le importaba. Mientras sus amigas seguían comiendo, ella comenzó a hablar

Cocinar era una manera de darle voz a lo indecible. Reconoció la ausencia eterna de las bocas que las mujeres añoraban darles de comer, de las vidas cortadas prematuramente por la violencia sin sentido.

En una noche de septiembre, Blanca estaba acostada en la cama, rezando. Uno de sus hijos la había convencido a ella empezar atender una iglesia pentecostal después de que Camilo desapareció, y ella se había convertido en una creyente devota. “Señor, yo siento que estoy lista,” dijo Blanca. “Mañana nosotros vamos a buscar. Ayúdame si tú piensas que yo estoy lista para encontrarlo a él.”  

Cuando ella se levantó en la mañana siguiente, ella repitió el rezo. Ella se vistió y se paró afuera de su casa, esperando que la recogieran. Las otras mujeres arribaron en una camioneta, y Blanca se trepó arriba. Solo unas pocas de Las Rastreadoras se juntaron para excavar la tierra ese día. Ellas no tenían un punto exacto por donde buscar. Seleccionaron un área en general y empezaron a peinar el área juntas, hasta que ellas notaron un poco de tierra removida o amontonada. Entonces ellas trajeron las barras y las palas. 

Mirna fue la primera que vio la tela; estaba enterrada unas cuantas pulgadas bajo tierra y ramas. Mas excavaciones revelaron que eran pantalones de hombre. Mirna les dio los detalles a las otras mujeres: marca Oggi, negro, talla 34.

Blanca sintió que las manos volaron a su boca. Ese es él, ella pensó. Ella repitió las palabras en voz alta.

Ella tomó una pala y empezó a liberar el cuerpo de la tierra que lo aguantaba. Las otras mujeres se unieron a ella.  Rápidamente ellas pudieron ver las medias y un par de calzoncillos. Un torso y los hombros. Después, nada: al cuerpo le faltaba su cabeza.

Pero Blanca vio todo lo que tenía que ver para estar segura. Camilo había reutilizado un cinturón de seguridad de su camioneta para ajustarse los pantalones, el mismo cinturón donde Blanca había desramado encima una pintura de uñas del color fucsia. El cinturón que le daba la vuelta alrededor de los pantalones Oggi en la tumba poco profunda estaba manchada de color rosa. 

Esto fue en septiembre del 2017. Nueve meses después de que el desapareció, Blanca encontró a su esposo. 

Ella enterró a Camilo una semana más tarde. Mirna y otras mujeres de Las Rastreadoras estuvieron a su lado. Mientras que ellas caminaban hacia el cementerio, Blanca revivió el día de la desaparición de Camilo en su mente. ¿Estaría él vivo si se hubiera quedado con él en la camioneta? ¿O ella estaría muerta también, dejando a sus hijos sin padres? Estas fueron las preguntas con que ella tendría que vivir para siempre.

En el cementerio, el ataúd de Camilo descansaba en el fondo de una fosa abierta. Después de buscar por su esposo por tantos meses, Blanca sintió que debería ser ella la que lo debía enterrar a él. Ella se acercó a uno de los trabajadores del cementerio y le pidió que le prestara su pala. A lo primero él rehusó, pero Blanca era persistente, y el hombre se la dio. Mientras ella le echaba la tierra dentro de la tumba, una de sus amigas empezó a cantar.   

Cuando Blanca comenzó a llorar demasiada violentamente para poder sostener la pala, una mujer que se llama Rosa se la quitó de las manos y le echó mas tierra encima del ataúd. Entonces otra mujer se torneó, y después otra, hasta que todos los miembros de Las Rastreadoras allí reunidos ayudaron a enterrar al tesoro de Blanca.

Una hilera de fotos enmarcadas y diplomas alinea una pared en la casa de Blanca. Esta se puede leer como la totalidad de la vida de Camilo. Hay fotos de él con su gorro de graduación, en el sofá con uno de sus hijos y parado a la orilla del mar. Un certificado del Club Rotario con la fecha de octubre 2012 reconoce su “coraje y dedicación excesiva, inclusive a cambio de su vida, para lograr la seguridad pública.”

El mas grande de los marcos en la pared tiene las fotos de Camilo en el día cuando fue encontrado. Una de Las Rastreadoras había traído una cámara a la excavación y capturó una foto de Blanca en el momento que ella entendió que estaba en la tierra. Al lado de la foto del reconocimiento de Blanca está un retrato de Camilo en una camisa de botones al frente, mostrando una expresión inescrutable, con ojeras oscuras de medialuna debajo de sus ojos. La foto tiene un texto superpuesto que dice misión cumplida.

En el otro lado de la pared, Blanca cocinó el pozole de cerdo en la cocina. Ella lloraba a través del todo el proceso cuando hizo ese plato por la primera vez como parte del proyecto del recetario. Esta vez, ella no lloraba. Cantaba. Sobre la mesa de la cocina estaba una libreta de notas con Minnie Mouse en su portada y páginas llenas de letras de himnos de la iglesia, escrito por su propia mano. Blanca ya se había memorizada las melodías. “A veces cuando yo cocino, yo empiezo a cantar,” me dijo. “No tengo las palabras para describir cuan agradecida estoy de Dios.” 

Blanca narró el primer paso de la receta—hervir a fuego lento el maíz pozolero para 45 minutos—y entonces empezó a cantar.

Yo estoy maravillada por lo que mi Dios ha hecho.

En el medio de mi angustia,

En el medio de mi dolor,

En el medio de mi tristeza,

Tú me has dado alegría.

“A pesar de mi altura, mi tamaño y mis habilidades,” dijo ella, “yo he hecho tantas cosas que, si mi esposo estuviera aquí, yo quizás no lo hubiera hecho.” El dolor, me explicó, le había hecho fuerte.

Ella puso las costillas de cerdo en la cazuela con el maíz pozolero y revolvió la mezcla con un cucharón plateado largo. Ella cortó a la mitad una cebolla blanca, tan redonda como una pelota de tenis, y le agregó la misma con cubitos de sabor. Ella separó unos dientes de ajo de pozuelo y le dio vuelta entre sus manos para separar la piel antes de agarrar orégano de una jarra con sus dedos. Ambos terminaron en la olla.

Hierva a fuego lento hasta que la carne esté blanda.

Mis ojos me ardían por la cebolla y el orégano. Mientras tanto, Blanca estaba pensando en otro olor. Ella me dijo que a veces ella sentía ese olor de Camilo en la casa, de la colonia 1 Million que siempre usaba.

Saque las costillas y las semillas de dos tipos de chiles.

El guajillo era de un rojo profundo, el pasilla tan oscuro como la arcilla. Blanca se podría imaginar a Camilo diciéndole ¡más picante, más! Ella destripó los chiles, los lavó debajo del grifo, y los agregó en la segunda olla, ésta llena de agua hirviendo. Otra cebolla, cortada en cuartos esta vez, entraron al agua, y también la sal.

Cuando los chiles están blandos, mézclalos con las especies. Agregue la mezcla al cerdo con el guiso de maíz pozolero.

Blanca recortó un ramo de cilantro y algunos rábanos como guarnición. Luego lo terminaba el pozole con el repollo picadito, porque así le gustaba Camilo. Ella continuaba cantando con una voz suave. Debajo del sonido navegaba un mar de memorias: de caminatas en el río con su esposo, de los baños juntos y de la primera vez que bailaron.

Ella echó el pozole en los tazones, llenando las vasijas con dolor y con amor. “Acuérdate,” dijo Blanca, mientras que puso una porción humeante ante de mi, “que cuando tú estás cocinando para la persona que amas, la comida sabe mejor cuando cocinas con tu corazón tanto como con tus manos.”


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A Feast for Lost Souls

A Feast
For
Lost Souls

In Sinaloa, Mexico, women recover the bodies of missing loved ones—and cook to keep their memories of the dead alive.

Blanca Soto first heard about Las Rastreadoras before Camilo was disappeared. “I felt admiration for them, and at times sadness,” she said. But once her husband was gone, she was scared to join the women. She was paranoid that her own life might already be in danger, and she was wary of drawing attention to herself through public advocacy. Though Las Rastreadoras don’t seek to expose killers or put them behind bars—they only want to find and inter the dead—members of the group have received death threats. It wasn’t until April 2017, five months after Camilo was taken, that a cousin and a friend in Las Rastreadoras convinced Blanca to join a search. 

Twice a week, on Wednesdays and Sundays, the group scours El Fuerte for human remains. Women who have yet to find their loved ones wear T-shirts printed with the slogan te buscaré hasta encontrarte (“I will search for you until I find you”). Women who have found their missing wear shirts that read promesa cumplida (“Promise fulfilled”).

Mirna Medina is the founder of Las Rastreadoras. A retired schoolteacher who talks fast and commands attention, Mirna has an uncanny memory for dates; her friends say that she remembers the day and year of every disappearance someone in her group is grieving. Mirna’s own date is July 10—the last time she saw her son Roberto alive. Three years to the day after he vanished, she found his remains: four vertebrae and a shard from an arm bone, identified by DNA analysis. Roberto’s was the 93rd body recovered by Las Rastreadoras. He’s now buried in a cemetery, where Mirna visits him. She lights candles, arranges flowers, and presses her fingertips to the photo on her son’s headstone.

Las Rastreadoras regularly receive tips about where bodies might be located. Sometimes the information is shared anonymously or by the police. In other cases a local resident spots something suspicious, such as a patch of turned soil. The women head out to these puntas (points), often accompanied by armed security. They trouble the earth with their tools, then plunge metal construction rods into the ground. When they pull the rods up, the tips are caked with soil. The women sniff the lingering dirt, hoping for a rotting odor—a tell-tale sign of human decomposition.

María Cleofas Lugo, whom everyone in the group calls Manqui, has searched for her son Juan Francisco since June 19, 2015. A photo of his face dangles in a silver frame from a chain around her neck. Manqui is the oldest woman in the group, and she is famed for her sense of smell. With the help of a rod, Manqui can discern what the earth beneath her holds. A clean musk means nothing is there. Sometimes a heavy funk of spoiled meat and sewage coats her nostrils and throat. When Manqui detects this, the smell of death, Las Rastreadoras dig.

Over the years, Manqui has learned the difference between the scent of a body and that of an animal carcass. “The smell of a human being is more penetrating,” she said. Many women can’t handle the odor. Manqui reminds them, “Yes, it smells bad, but it could be our children.”

When they uncover treasure, whether it’s a tooth or a torso, Las Rastreadoras pause over the site. They say a prayer, an Our Father or a Hail Mary. Then they alert the local government forensics team, which can test the DNA of the remains. The women hope for a match—that the treasure they’ve found belongs to someone on their list. Currently, Las Rastreadoras are looking for more than 1,500 missing persons; many are relatives or friends of the group’s members, but others are strangers whose names were supplied by people living in El Fuerte.

On her first dig, Blanca wasn’t sure what to do. She didn’t know how to use the tools or watch out for snakes or steel herself against the odor of death. “I went in eagerly but weak,” she said. “I was not a person who went out a lot.” At home, Blanca wore dresses and kept her long hair loose. She was proud of her delicate, shapely feet, which Camilo had always admired. On the search with Las Rastreadoras, the other women teased her because she showed up wearing gloves and carrying an umbrella, hoping to avoid the scorching Sinaloa sun. When Mirna handed her a shovel, Blanca stabbed it into the dirt with so much force that it rebounded into her chest, bringing tears to her eyes.

Blanca’s first search was a negative, which is how the women describe digs that don’t turn up remains. Her second was a positive. The group uncovered a body lying in the fetal position, still mostly intact. “The impression was something horrible,” Blanca said. When she saw the corpse, the air left her lungs and she fell backward. Other women, more seasoned trackers, were there to catch her. One gave Blanca an inhaler. They stayed by her side until she could stand again.

Week in and week out, Blanca continued to search with Las Rastreadoras. “Little by little, I kept on learning,” she said. But she was honing more than her skills with a shovel. Like the other trackers, she was also learning how, in lieu of a body and the closure it provides, to live with loss. 

When she saw the corpse, the air left her lungs and she fell backward. Other women, more seasoned trackers, were there to catch her.

Over breakfast one morning in Los Mochis, Juana Escalante Barreras told me about her son, Adrián, who disappeared on August 24, 2018. In Juana’s words, Adrián was a Robin Hood. He rescued street dogs. He was skinny and always cold, but he’d give his sweater to anyone who asked.

The last time Juana saw Adrián, he was riding away from their house on his bike to deliver cigarettes to someone. Not long after he left, Juana heard gunshots. She felt her lungs constrict. She ran into the street shouting Adrián’s name, and she saw her son running toward her. He was being chased by a man with a gun. When Adrián turned a corner, Juana lost sight of them both. Two more gunshots rang out. Juana took off toward the sound. Rounding the corner, she saw two trucks peeling out, leaving the scent of burning rubber in the air. A neighbor was shouting, “They killed him, they killed him!”

There was blood at the place in the street where the trucks had been. The neighbor told Juana that Adrián had refused to get in one of the vehicles. He fought and tried to run, so the men in the trucks shot him and drove off with his body.

“Who could I talk to?” Juana asked me. “Who?”

Here she paused, as if I might have an answer. Then she continued: “I couldn’t talk to the police—the police aren’t going to do anything. There are thousands of people this is happening to.”

As Juana spoke, she quartered pancakes with the side of a fork and stabbed at her chilaquiles. “I’ve had a mania ever since. This is what consoles me—food,” she said. It makes her feel closer to her son. Adrián loved to eat: adobada tacos from a restaurant in Los Mochis, and tuna sandwiches soaked in chipotle sauce, which he was always asking Juana to make.

Juana’s nickname in Las Rastreadoras is Machete, for her blunt way of speaking, which cuts through bullshit. At one point, she fixed me with a stare over the rim of her coffee cup. Her eyes were dark pools above her full cheeks. I had told her that I was pregnant, a fact that narrowed the distance between us only slightly.

“You haven’t met your child,” she said. “I knew my son for 27 years. You can’t imagine my pain.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I can’t.”

Nor can I imagine Manqui’s pain. She knew her son, Juan Francisco, for 33 years. He was confident and a jokester. Even when things turned ugly in their neighborhood, he spoke flippantly about the sicarios, or cartel hit men; he was sure their violence wouldn’t affect him.

Juan Francisco was taken while he was installing lights at a job site. A red truck without plates pulled up, and the workers scattered, knowing that enforced disappearances were on the rise in the area. Juan Francisco tried to run, but an injured knee slowed him down. Manqui later heard that some men pulled her son into the truck, that they tried to recruit him to “take care of a job,” and that when he refused, they tortured and killed him.

Manqui went to the prosecutor’s office to file a report. She was told to wait 72 hours. Officials promised to call the other men from the job site for witness statements, but they never did. Manqui returned to the office every week, until a lawyer told her not to come back unless she’d found something worth adding to Juan Francisco’s file. She realized then that no one would search for her son except her.

In Manqui’s home, the walls are bare save for two wedding portraits and an oversize poster that hangs above the kitchen table. A photo of Juan Francisco’s face is plastered on it, a baseball cap shading his hooded eyes. te esperamos… ¡tu familia te ama!, the poster reads—“We’re waiting for you… Your family loves you!”

With Juan Francisco’s photo above her, Manqui slid thick triangles of flan onto ceramic plates. Her son had a sweet tooth, so she used to make the custard for him. Now whenever she prepares it, she feels like she’s about to welcome him home. As if any minute, Juan Francisco might walk through the door. “I’m going to search for him,” Manqui said, “until I die.”

Mexico is a country that feeds its dead. Every year, bottles of Fanta and plates of pan dulce and pollo con mole adorn altars on Día de Muertos (the Day of the Dead). Food is a way of remembering and honoring those who’ve passed away. For Las Rastreadoras, it has become something more.

The idea to compile a cookbook arose a few years after the group formed. Photographer Zahara Gómez Lucini had spent time documenting Las Rastreadoras, and together she and the women came to a realization as cruel as it was inevitable: The problem with a decades-long issue like los desaparecidos is that the public grows weary of it—of hearing the names of the missing, of fathoming their ever growing numbers, of seeing photos of bodies and watching mothers weep. How, then, could Las Rastreadoras push back against the erasure of their loved ones? How could the women resist oblivion?

Food was the answer. All the women had memories of their missing that were tied to cooking and eating. They decided to gather recipes for the dishes their loved ones had enjoyed most. They would invite cookbook readers to taste their loss. The recipes would be reminders of the bonds the dead shared with family and friends, of the tables they sat around, of the pleasure they took in eating. The dishes would be proof of lives lived and lost, and portals to empathy.

What’s more, the women would create the book together. They would create something lasting from their collective sorrow. They would transform the mundane act of chopping onions, sifting flour, or caramelizing sugar into a sacrament.

Juana contributed her chipotle tuna sandwich recipe. Manqui shared her technique for making flan. Mirna, the group’s founder, described how to make pizzadillas: tortillas folded over roasted beef, pico de gallo, and cheese. All told, 27 women shared dishes for the project.

Recetario para la Memoria (“The Memory Recipe Book”) was published in 2019. In addition to the recipes, it features Zahara’s images of Las Rastreadoras preparing meals—of women creating the means of their physical and emotional survival. Many of them were photographed cooking their chosen dishes for the first time since their loved ones were disappeared.

Celebrated Mexican chefs, including Enrique Olvera and Eduardo García, both owners of haute cuisine destinations in Mexico City, have since endorsed the project. People as far away as Norway, South Africa, and Chile have sent messages of support and photos of the book’s dishes that they prepared in their own kitchens. The revenue from book sales have helped Las Rastreadoras cover the rent for an office in Los Mochis and pay for the necessities of their work, such as tools and gasoline.

The project has had more intimate benefits, too, which I witnessed firsthand. When talking about disappearances and death, the women of Las Rastreadoras were stoic; they could describe blood on a street or bones in the earth without flinching. But emotion clogged their voices when they talked about the food of the disappeared. Returning to familiar flavors they’d once shared with a child or a husband allowed grief to rush in and take shape, like seawater filling a hole dug in the sand. Cooking was a way to give voice to the unspeakable. It acknowledged the eternal absence of mouths the women longed to feed, of lives cut short by senseless violence.

Blanca contributed her pork pozole recipe to the cookbook. By then she was a veteran member of Las Rastreadoras—someone who went to the twice-weekly digs as often as she could, and who counted the group’s members as friends. She still does. On a weekend afternoon in 2021, Blanca met with several trackers at a restaurant near a beach south of Los Mochis. Over grilled fish, ceviche, and aguachile, the women teased and argued and bantered. Mentions of forensics and visits to the prosecutor’s office were punctuated by the snap of Tecate beer cans opening.

“Feasting allows the loneliness and terror of existence to be forgotten, at least momentarily,” anthropologist Gina Rae La Cerva has written. “Such pleasure brings us into that raw, mad, deep love of life.” Feasting can also be a venue for the sharing and salving of pain.

Some of the women at the table didn’t know Blanca’s story. It wasn’t for lack of caring. It was just that Blanca had been part of Las Rastreadoras for more than four years, and the group had grown much larger since she first joined. There were so many new faces, so many disappearances to keep track of, so many remains pulled from the ground. 

“How did you find Camilo?” one woman asked as she passed tortillas down the table. “Tell us—or don’t, if you don’t feel like it.”

Blanca didn’t mind. As her friends ate, she began to speak.

Cooking was a way to give voice to the unspeakable. It acknowledged the eternal absence of mouths the women longed to feed, of lives cut short by senseless violence.

On a September night, Blanca lay awake in bed, praying. One of her sons had convinced her to start attending a Pentecostal church after Camilo disappeared, and she was becoming a devout believer. “Lord, I feel that I am ready,” Blanca said. “Tomorrow we’re going on a search. If you think I’m ready to find him, help me.”

When she woke the next morning, she repeated the prayer. She got dressed and stood outside her house, waiting to be picked up. The other women arrived in a truck, and Blanca climbed in. Only a few of Las Rastreadoras joined the dig that day. They didn’t have an exact point they were planning to search. Instead, they picked a general area and combed it together, until they saw loose or piled earth. Then they brought out their rods and shovels.

Mirna was the one who spotted fabric first, buried a few inches beneath soil and foliage. More digging revealed that it was a pair of men’s pants. Mirna called out the details to the other women: Oggi brand, black, size 34.

Blanca felt her hands jump to her mouth. It’s him, she thought. She repeated the words out loud.

She grabbed a shovel and worked to free the body from the earth’s hold. The other women joined her. Soon they could see socks and a pair of boxers. A torso and shoulders. Then nothing: The body was missing its head.

But Blanca saw all she needed to be sure. Camilo had repurposed a seatbelt from his truck to hold up his pants, the same seatbelt Blanca had once spilled fuchsia nail polish on. The belt that looped around the Oggi pants in the shallow grave was stained pink.

Nine months after he disappeared, Blanca had found her husband.

She buried Camilo a week later. Mirna and other women from Las Rastreadoras were by her side. As they walked into the cemetery, Blanca revisited the day of Camilo’s disappearance in her mind. Would he be alive if she’d stayed with him in the truck? Or would she be dead, too, leaving her sons parentless? These were questions she would live with forever.

At the cemetery, Camilo’s casket sat at the bottom of an open grave. After searching for her husband for so many months, Blanca felt that she should be the one to inter him. She approached one of the cemetery workers and asked to borrow his shovel. At first he refused, but Blanca was persistent, and the man gave in. As she turned soil into the grave, one of her friends began to sing.

When Blanca began crying too violently to wield the shovel any longer, a woman named Rosario took it from her hands and added earth on top of the casket. Then another woman took a turn, then another, until all the gathered members of Las Rastreadoras had helped to bury Blanca’s treasure.

A row of framed photos and diplomas line a wall in Blanca’s home. It reads as a summary of Camilo’s life. There are photos of him in a graduation cap, on the couch with one of his sons, standing at the edge of the ocean. A Rotary Club certificate dated October 2012 recognizes his “courage and above and beyond dedication, even at the cost of his life, to achieve public safety.”

The largest frame on the wall holds photos of the day Camilo’s body was found. One of Las Rastreadoras had brought a camera to the dig and captured Blanca the moment she understood what was in the earth. Next to the picture of Blanca’s recognition is a portrait of Camilo in a button-front shirt; he wears an inscrutable expression, with dark half-moons beneath his eyes. The photo is overlaid with the text misión cumplida (“Mission accomplished”).

On the other side of the wall, Blanca cooked pork pozole in the kitchen. When she first made the dish as part of the cookbook project, she wept through the process. This time she didn’t cry—she sang. On the kitchen table was a notebook with Minnie Mouse on the cover and pages filled with the handwritten lyrics of church hymns. Blanca had already memorized the melodies. “Sometimes when I’m cooking, I just start singing,” she told me. “I don’t have the words to describe how grateful I am to God.” 

Blanca narrated the first step of the recipe—simmer the hominy for 45 minutes—then switched to a song:

I am marveling at what my God has done.

In the midst of my anguish,

In the midst of my pain,

In the midst of my sadness,

You have given me joy.

“Despite my height, my size, my abilities,” she said, “I have done so many things that, if my husband were here, I might not have done.” Pain, she explained, had made her strong.

She dropped pork ribs into the pot with the hominy and stirred the mixture with a long silver ladle. She halved a white onion, round as a tennis ball, and added it along with bouillon cubes. She plucked garlic cloves from a bowl and rolled them in her palms to strip the skin, then fished oregano from a plastic jar with her fingers. Both went into the pot.

Simmer until the meat is tender.

My eyes pricked from the tang of onion and oregano. Meanwhile, Blanca was thinking about another smell. She told me she sometimes got a whiff of Camilo around the house, of the 1 Million cologne he always wore.

Remove the ribs and seeds from two types of chiles. 

The guajillo was deep red, the pasilla dark as loam. Blanca could imagine Camilo telling her, More spice, more! She gutted the chiles, rinsed them under the tap, and added them to a second pot, this one filled with boiling water. Another onion, quartered this time, went into the water, along with salt.

When the chiles are soft, blend them with spices. Add the mixture to the pork and hominy stew.

Blanca trimmed a bouquet of cilantro and some radishes for garnish. Then she topped the pozole with shredded cabbage, because that’s how Camilo liked it. She continued singing in a soft voice. Beneath the sound drifted a sea of memories: of walking down to the river with her husband, of bathing together, of the first time they danced.

She poured the stew into bowls, filling the vessels with grief and love. “Remember,” Blanca said, placing a steaming portion before me, “when you’re cooking for the person you love, when you cook with your heart as well as your hands, the food tastes better.”


To learn more about The Memory Recipe Book, click here.


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The Butcher of Havana

The Butcher
of Havana

How a drifter from Milwaukee became the chief executioner of the Cuban Revolution—and a test case for U.S. civil rights.

By Tony Perrottet

The Atavist Magazine, No. 120


Tony Perrottet is a historian and journalist. A regular contributor to Smithsonian, he is also the author of six books, including Cuba Libre!, Pagan Holiday, Napoleon’s Privates, and The Sinner’s Grand Tour. Listen to Perrottet on the Creative Nonfiction podcast.

Editor: Jonah Ogles
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checkers: Kyla Jones and Naomi Sharp
Illustrator: Patrick Leger

Published in October 2021.


Part One

On the balmy night of April 9, 1959, a little over three months after Fidel Castro and Che Guevara seized power in Cuba, a group of famous international writers gathered in El Floridita, a popular restaurant in Old Havana. They were an urbane set—Tennessee Williams, George Plimpton, Elaine Dundy, and her husband, Kenneth Tynan—and they were expecting to carouse with Cuba’s most beloved yanqui, Ernest Hemingway. Instead, they encountered another Midwestern expatriate, wearing a wide military belt and a hulking .45 service revolver.

Burly and tattooed, the man had rough-hewn good looks. He was in his late thirties—more than two decades younger than Hemingway—and stood five-foot-ten, with thick brown hair and, in the words of his draft card, a “ruddy” complexion. An English journalist later described him as “tall, straight and meanly friendly,” with striking blue eyes that, “yellowing after only a few beers, suggested company dangerous to keep when drunk.” The American’s words tumbled out in the distinctively nasal accent of someone from blue-collar Milwaukee. He pronounced “that” as “dat” and dropped his g’s. He was the uneducated son of Polish immigrants, the type of man one of Williams’s own fictional snobs might have called a redneck.

But if his origins were humble, at El Floridita the man needed no introduction. His image had appeared on the front pages of newspapers across the United States. In fact, after Hemingway, he was probably the most notorious American in the Caribbean. His name was Herman Marks, and he had risen through the ranks of Castro’s rebel army to command the revolution’s firing squads. Around Havana, there were rumors that he had a sadistic streak; his version of a coup de grâce, it was said, was to empty his pistol into a condemned man’s face, so relatives could not recognize the corpse. Marks’s brutal work had earned him a nickname: He was El Carnicero—the Butcher.

The literati peppered him with questions, and Marks responded with pride. He boasted of being second-in-command to Che himself at La Cabaña prison, and declared that he was so busy, he conducted nightly executions until 2 a.m., and sometimes until dawn. He called the proceedings “festivities” and showed off his cuff links made from spent bullet shells.

Marks knew what the gathered writers were really after. It was an open secret in Havana that he invited select visitors to the executions, which were conducted in the empty stone moat around La Cabaña, beneath a giant floodlit statue of Christ with outstretched arms. American politicians, journalists, starlets, and socialites had all made discreet inquiries about watching a firing squad do its work. Williams, whose grandfather had been a minister, forlornly felt that he might comfort a condemned man by offering “a small encouraging smile” before he was shot.

On this particular night, Marks told the group at El Floridita, he had a busy schedule. The prisoners awaiting execution included a German mercenary. “He made the invitation as easily as he might have offered a round of cocktails at his home,” Plimpton later recalled. Marks counted the visitors out: “Let’s see… five of you… quite easy… we’ll drive over by car… tight squeeze…”

Unnoticed by the others, Tynan had been listening to Marks with growing horror, and now the Englishman leapt to his feet and began shouting. According to Plimpton, the red-faced theater critic squinted his eyes and flapped his arms like an enormous bird while denouncing Marks. He didn’t want to be in the same room as an executioner, Tynan gasped, let alone witness his handiwork. He would attend the execution only to run in front of the firing squad to protect the condemned. Tynan then stormed out of the bar, followed by Dundy.

“What the hell was that?” asked Marks. He told the remaining writers to meet him in the lobby of a nearby hotel at 8 p.m.

With a Colt .45 revolver, $400 in cash, and “about ten words in Spanish,” as he later put it, Marks took a boat to Cuba. His plan was as audacious as it was simple: He would join the revolution.

Almost nothing about Herman Marks’s early life suggested that he would someday play a pivotal role in a Latin American revolution. He was born in Milwaukee in 1921, and raised in a neighborhood of shoddy brick houses and bare streets. His father, Frederick, was an unemployed alcoholic who beat him; his mother, Martha Yelich, barely kept the family afloat by working as a short-order cook in a diner. He does not appear to have been close with his elder sister, Elsie, or his younger one, Dorothy; but he remained devoted to his mother throughout his life, in his own eccentric fashion.

The Markses’ volatile marriage crumbled during the Great Depression, when Herman was 12. After his mother remarried, Herman began getting into trouble. He skipped classes and was expelled from every school he attended; at 14, he was sent to a reformatory, where he ran away on three occasions and was once caught stealing a car. Over the next two decades, he was arrested 32 times in ten states, from Hawaii to Maine, mostly for drunkenness, petty theft, and disorderly conduct.

He never stayed more than three months in any one place, working odd jobs in factories, on docks, and at horse ranches. In April 1939, he joined the merchant marine, and he served in the Pacific during World War II. (He later claimed in court that he “had been in jails all over” the region, including while on shore leave in Australia.) After the war, Marks floated aimlessly around the United States, Mexico, and Canada, adding to his rap sheet: vagrancy in Texas, public drunkenness in Ohio and North Dakota, attempted grand larceny in New York City, and “prowling” in Las Vegas, a crime for which he was given 30 days in jail and then told to leave town. In Los Angeles in 1949, he robbed an elderly woman, drunkenly grabbing her by the throat. According to the police report, he only made away with naphthalene mothballs “to the value of 29 cents.” He got six months for assault but escaped from jail with two friends. While fleeing, all three seriously hurt their ankles after jumping from a dangerous height; Marks and one of the other men limped on for weeks, until they were caught in Galveston, Texas, and sent back to California to finish their sentences.

Back home in Milwaukee, at age 27, Marks brawled with his mother’s third husband and physically threw him out of the house. (Yelich took her son’s side; he was fined five dollars by local authorities for his actions.) Later that same year, he was arrested and convicted of carnal knowledge with a 16-year-old girl. According to the police report, Marks was working as a stable hand and met the girl at a bar, where, the police conceded, she had shown the bartender a birth certificate that said she was an adult. The pair then attended a riotous celebration in a barn where, an investigator noted, “drinking and sex parties went on almost nightly.” Marks was sentenced to three and a half years in prison.

His niece, Penlo Hobbs, remembered her relatives being frightened of Uncle Herman well before he entered the state penitentiary in Waupun. “He was the bogeyman,” she said. “We weren’t allowed to have anything to do with him.” Even Marks’s mother had reservations about her son. “I don’t know what happened to him,” she once told the Milwaukee Sentinel. “Whatever he did was not my fault. I sent him to parochial school and raised him good.”

She said Marks was generous when he wasn’t broke, lavishing her with bouquets of flowers, but mainly he spent his money on girls and booze. And he had an explosive temper. “He was always drinking and fighting,” his mother said. “As soon as somebody said anything wrong, he was up and mad.” Marks’s erratic personality was symbolized by his tattoos. His left arm bore a double heart inscribed with the words “Love, Nellie.” (There is no record of who Nellie was.) On his right arm was a skull pierced with a dagger, alongside the military motto “Death Before Dishonor.”

His mother took Marks in after he was released from Waupun penitentiary in 1955. A few months later he left home again. “He kissed me one day and said he was going,” his mother recalled. Somebody took a photo of him looking bronzed and fit, which Yelich carried in her purse until the day she died. “I don’t think he knew where he was going,” she said. “He was looking for something.”

He found it on a shrimp boat in Florida. While hauling nets in late 1957, he ran into some men he knew from his days in the merchant marine. They were from Cuba, an island Marks had visited several times in the service, and once as a tourist. It was now embroiled in a civil war between leftist revolutionary guerrillas, led by a young lawyer named Fidel Castro, and the military dictatorship of Fulgencio Batista. That Christmas, Marks learned that one of his Cuban friends had been murdered in Havana by military police; they purportedly broke into the man’s house one night and shot him dead at his kitchen table. Soon after hearing the news, Marks went to an army surplus store in Key West and bought olive drab fatigues and paratrooper boots. With a Colt .45 revolver, $400 in cash, and “about ten words in Spanish,” as he later put it, Marks took a boat to Cuba. His plan was as audacious as it was simple: He would join the revolution.

Havana was under military curfew, with Batista’s menacing, blue-uniformed intelligence officers patrolling the streets. Loitering in the city’s bars, Marks failed to find any agents of M-26-7, Castro’s underground 26th of July Movement, named for the date of the group’s first armed uprising. So Marks took a bus east to the sleepy town of Manzanillo, in the tropical foothills of the Sierra Maestra, where he met two young Cubans also hoping to join the guerrillas. The trio hiked for three nights before reaching a jungle outpost of some 40 rebels under the command of Captain Paco Cabrera. An English-speaking officer interrogated Marks. Like many of the roughly two dozen yanquis who ultimately joined Cuba’s rebellion, Marks rewrote his personal history. According to one guerrilla, he claimed that he was a Korean War veteran; to others, he explained that his facility with weapons was born of a childhood enthusiasm for guns. He was accepted into the group with a meal of beef and celebratory rum.

Marks’s profile among the guerrillas rose when he saw three teenagers fumbling with a U.S. Army .30-caliber machine gun and stepped in to show them how to disassemble and clean it. By the time he was finished, a crowd had gathered around him, with men holding up rusted and broken weapons, wordlessly appealing for help. He was soon tasked with fixing the array of firearms used by rebel forces, everything from sport rifles to shotguns to carbines dating back to Cuba’s colonial days.

Marks was assigned to the unit led by Che Guevara, which suffered the highest casualties in the rebel army—one of its cohorts was dubbed the suicide squad. Marks quickly rose through the ranks to become a captain. In the spring of 1958, Che transferred him to Minas del Frío, a rebel stronghold, where Marks helped establish a military school and train recruits to repel the impending Operation Finish Fidel, a mass invasion of the Sierra Maestra by Batista’s army, which outnumbered the guerrillas 100 to 1. By May, Marks was on the front lines of combat. In one skirmish, he broke three teeth on a rock when he tripped leading a charge; in another, he led a group of 18 rebels who disabled a 250-man convoy in an ambush.

By August, Batista’s generals had to admit that they could not dislodge the guerrillas, and the army withdrew from the Sierra Maestra. The following month, Marks volunteered to join Che on a harrowing 350-mile mission across the mosquito-filled swamps of the eastern lowlands. The rebels hoped to establish a new base in the Escambray Mountains of central Cuba and use it to seize enough ground to effectively cut the island in half. In a biography of Castro, journalist Tad Szulc observed that the expedition, where the men would abandon the known terrain of the Sierra to trudge across exposed, unknown, and hostile territory, “must have seemed like a demented plan.” Che warned volunteers that conditions would be miserable, food short, and casualties likely close to 50 percent. Marks signed up anyway.

Although most of the mission’s men survived the trek, it was universally agreed to be the most grueling campaign of the entire war. Che’s column walked mostly at night to avoid army patrols and strafing airplanes. They forded rivers naked and once traversed a shallow lagoon filled with razor-sharp plants. They suffered from dire hunger and endured hurricane-fueled rain. “I’ve been through enough mud and water to last me the rest of my life,” Che wrote to Castro. “Hunger, thirst, weariness, the feeling of impotence against the enemy forces that were increasingly closing in on us, and above all, the terrible foot disease that the peasants called mazamorra—which turned each step our soldiers took into an intolerable torment—had made us an army of shadows.”

During a skirmish, Marks was wounded in the knee and ankle. Infection set in. “Pus and blood was continuously running, and I couldn’t get a shoe on my foot,” he later said. He had trudged with Che for over a month to get to the Escambray Mountains, but the possibility of fatal gangrene now threatened. Che decided to get the yanqui to safety. In early November, supporters of M-26-7 smuggled Marks from a farm into the city of Santa Clara, where he was dispatched by plane to Key West for medical care.

Although he had gone to great lengths to make sure Marks did not succumb to his injury, privately Che was not unhappy to see him go, writing in his war journal that the American “fundamentally … didn’t fit into the troop.” One of Che’s close aides, Enrique Acevedo, told biographer Jon Lee Anderson that Marks was “brave and crazy in combat, tyrannical and arbitrary in the peace of camp.” According to Acevedo, the American’s ruthless nature had disturbed the Cuban recruits—particularly his readiness to volunteer for execution duty, which he did with “an enthusiasm that was unseemly.”

The Cubans’ reaction to Marks echoed that of a reform-school psychiatrist who’d encountered him when he was 16. The psychiatrist reported that Marks was oddly detached—“a very stolid emotionless person when not excited” who “shows almost a lack of adequate feeling in respect to situations he finds himself in.” Later, when Marks was in Waupun prison, the facility’s psychiatrist found that he was “amoral rather than immoral,” and was “narcissistic in his makeup.”

These assessments would resonate throughout Marks’s peculiar career in Cuba.

Part Two

On New Year’s Day in 1959, Marks was resting in his hospital bed in Key West, listening to the radio, when a news update came over the airwaves: Batista had escaped from Havana in the hours before dawn that day, abandoning his country. In that moment, Castro’s rebel army had been handed effective control of Cuba. Days later, Marks hobbled to the docks and took the first ferry to Havana, which was still operating daily. He wanted to savor the victory, rejoin his compañeros, and, not incidentally, claim his promised share of property following the revolution’s land reform, which had always been at the top of Castro’s agenda.

Marks arrived in Havana on January 3 to find the city in a tense state of limbo, awaiting Castro’s arrival in a triumphant procession from the east. When news of Batista’s flight had filtered out on New Year’s Day, jubilant Habaneros sacked several casinos and smashed parking meters with baseball bats; Marks walked from the dock to the presidential palace along empty streets strewn with debris and shattered slot machines. Most of the city was under lockdown, with gun-toting cadres loyal to the M-26-7 maintaining a fragile order. Batista’s disgraced police and rank-and-file soldiers were all lying low; Boy Scouts had taken over as traffic cops, directing the few cars still on the roads.

At the presidential palace, armed student activists told Marks that his old comandante, Che, and an advance guard of 200 rebels had taken over La Cabaña. The golden-hued Spanish fortress was built in the age of conquistadors to guard galleons filled with Aztec and Incan gold from pirates; under Batista it had been a military base and a prison. It housed some 3,000 troops, but the demoralized officers had surrendered to the rebels without firing a shot. Marks made his way there to report for duty. 

He spent his first night in Che’s billet, carousing, and after breakfast the next morning, Che took him to the quartermaster to find fatigues and a beret. Whatever concerns Che had had about the American during the rebels’ trek eastward the previous year weren’t enough to dissuade him from appointing Marks head of security at La Cabaña.

On January 8, Havana’s silence broke when Castro arrived, riding atop a tank and surrounded by guerrillas. He proceeded along the Malecón waterfront, thronged by adoring crowds. Eventually, Castro took the penthouse apartment atop the Havana Hilton as his temporary office, while guerrillas slept on the floor of the hotel foyer. For weeks the streets of Havana were filled with music and dancing to celebrate the demise of the ancien régime. Guerillas were offered free bus rides, meals, and alcohol wherever they went.

At La Cabaña, to focus his officers’ restless energies, Che offered literacy classes and crash courses on international politics, explaining the importance of Vladimir Lenin and the Soviet Union. Still, a festive air permeated everything. Che’s office was besieged by female admirers who lined up for hours hoping to see him; when he barred the door, they climbed through the windows. The fortress’s former officers club was thrown open to the barbudos—“bearded ones,” as the shaggy young guerrillas were nicknamed. The English writer Norman Lewis visited La Cabaña and found rebels in freshly pressed uniforms, “sipping delicately from small coffee cups, and smilingly discussing the past achievements and future promise of the new order.”

Lewis was among the small army of foreign artists, writers, and celebrities who descended on Havana to enjoy the intoxicating “honeymoon of the revolution,” as the French intellectual Jean-Paul Sartre called it. Another was veteran Milwaukee Journal reporter William J. Normyle. He visited Havana in mid-February, and was surprised to learn that Castro’s guerrillas included one of Wisconsin’s native sons. He wrote a glowing profile of Marks, dwelling on his idealism and derring-do as a freedom fighter. Marks revealed that he had no plans to leave Cuba anytime soon. “I’m staying here,” he told Normyle. “There’s a lot of work to be done.”

Marks, it seems, conveniently left his criminal history out of his interviews, telling Normyle that he had attended vocational school in Milwaukee before joining the merchant marine. What’s more, Normyle’s article didn’t mention that at least part of Marks’s work in Cuba was shooting prisoners to death.

Three judges heard attorneys and witnesses, and parsed the evidence to decide who was mistakenly charged, who deserved long prison sentences, and who should be sent al paredón—“to the wall.”

For many foreigners, the first dark chord in Havana’s celebratory mood was struck by the start of trials for “war criminals” from the Batista regime. Nobody knows the exact death toll of the seven years of Batista’s military rule. The figure 20,000 was offered by the director of Havana’s morgue in 1959, and accepted by the revolutionary government. Although the true number may be less, nobody disputes that the carnage was horrific. Nearly every Cuban had a family member who was illegally detained, tortured, murdered, or disappeared by the regime. Castro urged Cubans not to take revenge against Batista’s henchmen who remained on the island after the dictator’s escape. He promised proper trials based on laws he had signed in the Sierra Maestra in February 1958. Yes, his brother Raúl had ordered that more than 70 Batista loyalists be machine-gunned before open graves in the city of Santiago, but henceforth, Castro insisted, the proceedings would be civilized—there would be none of the bloody mob violence associated around the world with uprisings and revolutions past.

The first trials, the so-called Cleansing Commission, were set up in Havana in January 1959 under the supervision of a young lawyer named Miguel Ángel Duque de Estrada. Che presided as the “supreme prosecutor.” Targeting the most detested members of the Batista regime, the trials were held at La Cabaña, where 800 prisoners were squeezed into stone cells made to hold only 300. Three judges heard attorneys and witnesses, then parsed the evidence to decide who was mistakenly charged, who deserved a long prison sentence, and who should be sent al paredón—“to the wall.” By the end of January, some 100 Batista loyalists had been executed.

Marks was in many ways the perfect soldier to run the firing squads. He was ambitious and had shown in the Sierra that he was not averse to undesirable and even grisly tasks. He believed that the executions of Batista’s most loathsome minions was part and parcel of the revolution, and he saw Che’s decision to put him in charge of carrying out such a difficult job on behalf of the Cuban people as an honor.

Marks achieved a burst of notoriety when the new government initiated Operation Truth. It chose three of the most brutal Batista partisans to prosecute at a public trial, and Castro invited international journalists as observers. He even offered to pay their expenses. All told, 385 journalists from U.S. and Latin American media converged on Havana. It turned out to be a PR misstep; what happened next was a show trial, held at the aptly named Coliseum, the national sports stadium. The accused men were paraded before 18,000 jeering and furious Cuban spectators. For the benefit of those who could not attend, the event was televised live.

The first accused man to take the stand was Major Jesús Sosa Blanco, a garrison officer from the provincial town of Holguín, who was charged with 108 murders, many preceded by savage torture. He was also believed to have ordered the massacre of unarmed campesinos. Over 12 hours, some 40 tearful witnesses, including widows and a 12-year-old boy, took the stage to testify about the murders of their loved ones. The audience screamed and wailed. When the handcuffed defendant morosely repeated that he had only done his duty, his words were drowned out by the crowd chanting, “Al paredón! Al paredón!

Sosa Blanco was convicted and sentenced to death. On February 18, his appeal was adjudicated without a public audience, and his sentence was upheld. Some 200 barbudos came to watch him die. The condemned man was transported in a small bus to La Cabaña’s dry, floodlit moat, where Marks unlocked his handcuffs and led him to the spot where he would be executed. According to Marks, Sosa Blanco asked if he could address the crowd with some final words and then give the orders to the firing squad himself. Marks agreed. “Although I am marked as a criminal,” Sosa Blanco said, “I have served my government to the best of my ability as an officer.” He wished good luck to all those gathered, and then cried out: “Pelotón, atención! Prepare! Apunte! Fuego!

All this left the international community outraged. U.S. journalists in particular denounced the executions as well as the trials at the Coliseum, some of which were televised, with language that veered into ugly bias. Time led the charge, decrying the “popcorn-munching atmosphere” and insisting that it revealed a congenital Cuban longing for “blood purges.” U.S. senators held press conferences to warn that the Cuban uprising was spinning out of control, just as the French, Russian, and Chinese revolutions had before it.

Many Cubans saw American objections to the executions as rank hypocrisy. For seven agonizing years, the U.S. government had not breathed a word of protest against Batista’s regime, which had killed so many Cuban citizens. After Batista’s flight, mass graves were opened all over the island, full of corpses with broken limbs or missing eyes; many victims had been burned, strangled, disemboweled, or buried alive. Police stations were found to contain torture implements, including handmade tools designed for pulling nails and teeth, electrical wires that could be inserted into ears, and “fire seats”—perforated metal thrones under which flames mutilated genitalia. When Castro asked Cubans for a show of support for Operation Truth, a million demonstrators gathered in Havana to demand more executions and to express outrage at the Americans’ double standards.

Soon, though, with a diplomatic tour to the United States pending, Castro bowed to international pressure and moved the trials back behind the closed doors of La Cabaña. They were now held at night within the bowels of the prison, “in a large hall that might have served as a church,” according to Norman Lewis. Benches held dozens of prisoners’ relatives, many of them women and children. “The place was surprisingly quiet,” Lewis noted, “and despite the provision of microphones I had to listen intently to follow the details of what was going on, especially when prisoners under examination replied to questions, as they usually did, in a low-voiced, hesitant fashion. Two small birds fluttered continuously under the roof.”

Although the accused men Lewis saw tried were “criminal small-fry,” he flinched at the barbarity revealed in their testimony. A boyish 18-year-old named José Cano was accused of stabbing one victim in the eyes before murdering him. Another, Gregorio Gonzalez, aged 22, said he had executed a 73-year-old grandmother with two shots to the head for harboring a pair of rebel agents in her house. A death sentence was handed down for both men. Only a woman’s gasp broke the silence in the room.

A photograph taken around the time, published in The New York Times Magazine, shows Marks in smart guerrilla khakis, standing at attention as he hears a verdict. It was his job to escort men like Cano and Gonzalez to their deaths, one after the other.

Visiting reporters, politicians, and movie stars lined up for their turn to witness an execution, including the Hollywood matinee idol Errol Flynn, who was so shaken by the experience that he retched on a guard’s shoes.

By the end of March 1959, the nightly firing squads at La Cabaña had become something of a production line. According to wire reports, Marks had already carried out 200 executions, though he claimed the figure was closer to 80; on one busy night, he told an Associated Press reporter, 11 men were put to death. To the many foreign journalists who attended, Marks insisted that he was acting as a humanitarian. It was he who had suggested that the executions take place in the moat beneath the looming white statue of Christ, because the figure would be an uplifting last sight for the condemned. He said he also wanted to ensure that the process was clean and efficient, compared with messy executions that had been conducted in the provinces.

Some observers found the proceedings a little too efficient. “It was a mechanical, cold-blooded, business-like procedure for Marks,” New York Times reporter Herbert Matthews wrote, “like a butcher killing cattle in an abattoir.” Still, glitches happened. When the floodlights failed, sentences were carried out by the headlamps of military Jeeps, as if they were gangland murders in Hollywood B movies. There were scenes of panic and despair. Some condemned men tried to buy their freedom with money or gifts. A more serious problem was that the young soldiers in the firing squads, who were generally between 16 and 20, often lost their nerve at the decisive moment. The Cubans did not follow the European tradition of giving one of the riflemen a blank round to salve the squad’s consciences, so the soldiers often aimed for a leg, a shoulder, or the wall. This left Marks to fire the fatal shot into a man now writhing in agony. On one occasion, when a man waved a Santeria hex at the riflemen and cursed them, their children, and their grandchildren, all six deliberately missed. Marks shot the man himself and had the squad court-martialed.

Marks’s local infamy rose another notch when the English-language Times of Havana, beloved by American tourists and expats, ran a profile of him on April 2. It was largely sympathetic, apart from describing him as “humorless” and noting that he “discusses his duties unsmilingly and unemotionally.” Marks hit on many of the themes he would return to in interviews over the coming months. “Running firing squads is not a pleasant job, but it’s one that must be done,” he said. “When a soldier gets his orders, he carries them out whether he likes it or not.” Marks also expressed his love for his new home. “Cuba is a beautiful country,” he said. “The people are wonderful. I like everybody here and most everybody likes me. I’ve got a good position in a happy, contented place.”

A long waiting list formed for Marks’s macabre tourist attraction. Visiting reporters, politicians, and movie stars were eager for their turn, including the Hollywood matinee idol Errol Flynn, who was so shaken by the experience that he retched on a guard’s shoes. Still, Flynn was fascinated enough to invite Marks to dine with him and his 16-year-old paramour, Beverly Aadland, in his hotel suite, where Flynn argued that condemned men should have a say in the method of their own executions. Marks disagreed, pointing out that they had never given their victims a choice. “Somebody was pretty smart in the government by putting an American in charge of blowing out Cuban brains,” Flynn wrote in a letter at the time. (Flynn also reported the rumor of Marks’s sadist coup de grâce—that he deliberately disfigured some condemned prisoners by emptying his pistol into their heads—but admitted that he had not seen it himself, despite attending several executions. The story, Flynn wrote, was “hearsay.”)

Ernest Hemingway encouraged George Plimpton to witness an execution, because “it was important that a writer get around to see just about anything, especially the excesses of human behavior.” But Plimpton didn’t attend on the night he first met Marks at El Floridita. When he, Tennessee Williams, and the other foreigners whom Marks had invited convened at the appointed time in the hotel lobby, Marks turned up only to inform them that the evening’s executions had been called off. Plimpton speculated that Marks had been set on edge by Kenneth Tynan’s rant about the proceedings at La Cabaña, and that he sensed others in the group might have concerns. “He had doubtless concluded that we were an odd lot: our own doubts so obviously seethed; we didn’t seem grateful; we kept staring at him with our mouths ajar,” Plimpton wrote.

It is also possible that Marks had no idea how famous Williams was when he extended the invitation, and had been subsequently warned off by a superior. Only the afternoon before, Tynan and Williams had visited the presidential palace to meet Castro. They waited for two and a half hours until, Tynan later wrote, “with a shrug and a cry, someone identified Mr. Williams as the famous Yankee playwright, and we were promptly whisked into Castro’s sanctum, where, unknown to us, a crucial cabinet meeting had been in session.” Castro halted the proceedings to pay tribute to Williams, explaining in faltering English “how much he admired his plays, especially the one about the cat that was upon the burning roof.”

But things didn’t end in the hotel lobby. In a final twist, as Plimpton revealed many years later to James Scott Linville and another colleague at The Paris Review, Hemingway himself decided to take his friend on an evening jaunt to see Marks at work. He prepared shakers of cocktails for himself and Plimpton to take with them. According to Linville, “Arriving at their destination, they got out, set up chairs, brought out the drinks, and arranged themselves as if they were going to watch the sunset. Soon enough, a truck came. … The truck stopped and some men with guns got out of it. In back were a couple of dozen others who were tied up. Prisoners. The men with guns hustled the others out of the back of the truck and lined them up. And then they shot them. They put the bodies back in the truck and drove off.”

Jean Secon

By then, Marks’s reputation as a killer was international news. An AP reporter named Theodore A. Ediger broke the story in late March, and his work was syndicated, appearing in newspapers across America, including the Milwaukee Journal. Ediger’s profile detailed Marks’s work as an executioner, but the author was nonetheless a little starstruck. He described Marks as a “slender, sun-bronzed officer” who was fondly referred to as “El Capitán Herman” by his Cuban comrades. When asked about his youth in America, Marks claimed to have worked as a coal miner in Butte, Montana, and as a “hospital surgeon attendant.” Ediger concluded the piece, “He says he likes Cuba so much that he is not homesick.”

This time the publicity in Milwaukee, where Marks’s photo ran on the front page, drew the attention of John C. Burke, the warden at Waupun penitentiary, where Marks had done time. Burke contacted the Journal, and Normyle, the reporter who had met Marks in Havana back in February, did some digging and discovered Marks’s 32 criminal convictions. “Marks Left Crime Trail,” another front-page headline soon read. In the accompanying article, Burke described Marks as “a real stinker” and a “rascal” who caused constant trouble in the prison by refusing to work. The exposé was picked up by other papers and various magazines, including Time and Newsweek. It also heralded Marks’s debut in The New York Times, under the headline “Executioner Is Ex-Convict.” Marks’s criminal past was linked to rumors of his cruelty in Cuba, and to his nickname, El Carnicero.

If anything, the coverage enhanced Marks’s mystique in Havana’s expat circles, where oddballs and outsiders abounded. Marks was given the best tables in the swank restaurants that were still operating in the city’s Art Deco hotels. He became a familiar figure at El Floridita and Sloppy Joe’s, another popular drinking establishment. He made regular cameos at an office in downtown Havana, which was shared by New York Times correspondent Ruby Hart Phillips—a prim, matronly figure whose uniform was “grey sweater, carmine blouse and blue slacks,” according to Time—and Ted Scott, the brothel-hopping Times of Havana editor. In his office, Scott had set up a makeshift shooting gallery, with cards that moved on a wire; in his downtime he used an air pistol for target practice. One day, Phillips had to restrain Marks from trying to hit the cards with his .45 revolver.

Jean Secon, a striking American photojournalist in her twenties, had moved to Havana in 1958 and established herself as a stringer. She was arrested by Batista’s regime for attempting to meet Castro in the Sierra and flown back to Havana. After the revolution succeeded, she became a fixture in the city, hobnobbing with barbudos in restaurants and bars. In early 1959, she met Marks while attending an execution. The two hit it off and became romantically involved.

The couple shared a talent for Gatsby-like reinvention. Like Marks, Secon had buried her past in America. She’d fled her life in upstate New York, divorced her husband, and worked as a model in Manhattan before lighting out for Cuba. Now her life was full of adventure. Her future in the tropics, and with Marks, looked bright.

Part Three

In May 1959, following a successful diplomatic tour of the United States—where he was feted by crowds in Washington, D.C., and New York City, and on the campuses of Harvard and Princeton—Castro put an end to the execution of “war criminals.” According to the most reliable figures, some 500 of Batista’s cronies had been sent to the wall, most of them on Marks’s watch. On June 2, Che was married at La Cabaña to his sweetheart Aleida March, a guerrillera who had been his personal assistant during the war. After a rum-fueled reception in his bodyguard’s quarters, Che was sent by Castro on an international tour, which took him to India, China, and Africa.

Marks and the other men under Che’s command regarded his new diplomatic role as a demotion from his work at La Cabaña. They were also upset to learn that they would all be transferred to the sleepy province of Las Villas to do odd jobs, such as enforce the desegregation of beaches. “It was like the house falling down,” one of Che’s young officers recalled.

Over the summer of 1959, the happy atmosphere for American expats in Cuba eroded. Castro’s government followed through on its promise to break up sugar estates larger than 3,300 acres, including Castro’s own family farm near Birán and vast tracts owned by American companies. Instead of providing compensation in cash, the government offered dubious bonds. Tit-for-tat retaliation between Washington and Havana ensued. Moscow, sensing an opportunity, stepped up its support for Castro’s government. Historians continue to debate whether Castro jumped or was pushed into the arms of the Soviet Union. What’s certain is that his government gradually filled with Communist activists.

Marks would later tell U.S. authorities—perhaps playing to their sentiments—that he opposed the creep of Communism into the ranks of Cuba’s freedom fighters. He claimed that when he discovered that the literacy teachers at La Cabaña were using Communist pamphlets for their classes, he made a bonfire out of the reading material—a move that surely would have annoyed the pro-Soviet Che, had he heard about it, but which was not yet a punishable offense. After the move to Las Villas, Marks blamed his political outspokenness for a series of further transfers deeper into the countryside, a sort of Cuban Siberia. For a while he was in a “no-man’s-land,” as he put it, training “misfits” from the rebel army who had gone AWOL or fallen asleep on duty. Eventually, he ended up in the city of Santa Clara, with his captain’s rank intact but no duties to perform.

While he was posted in the provinces, Marks observed from a distance a bizarre episode of Cold War espionage in which a fellow American guerrilla fighter—William Morgan, known as the Yankee Comandante—helped foil a military coup against Castro backed by the right-wing dictator of the Dominican Republic. In the crackdown on critics of the revolution that followed, Secon made her first appearance in The New York Times, not as a reporter but as a news item. When she and another journalist tried to interview Morgan in his Havana home, the pair had the honor of being the first U.S. correspondents arrested by the Castro regime. The nature of the charges was never clear, a sign of the government’s increasingly authoritarian bent and Castro’s suspicion of a free press. Secon and the other journalist were detained for a week, then released.

In September, Che returned from his triumphant world tour—he was the toast of the international left—and revisited his old regiment in the provinces, informing them that he was moving into Cuba’s civil sector. He would run the Industrialization Department, to develop the national economy, and take over as head of the National Bank. Marks, though, remained in his rural limbo; Che, always a calculating figure, had evidently decided that the American was no longer of any special use. Then, in a lucky break, Marks ran into another of his former guerrilla commanders, the prodigiously bearded Camilo Cienfuegos, who pulled a few strings and got him transferred back to Havana to command an infantry battalion at Campo Libertad (Fort Freedom). Marks was put in charge of the various security details assigned to officials’ homes and to Havana’s railways and bridges. He was given a large house with a swimming pool, along with a Packard sedan.

That October, one of Castro’s most beloved Sierra compañeros, Huber Matos, resigned from the rebel army to protest the growing influence of Communists in the government. He was immediately arrested as a counter-revolutionary and sentenced to 30 years in prison. Matos’s imprisonment was a turning point in U.S.-Cuban relations: The Eisenhower administration issued increasingly bellicose statements, and Cubans began to feel a sense of siege. Bombs planted by anti-Castro agents exploded in Havana stores, and light planes from Florida dropped incendiary devices to set fire to sugarcane fields. Anti-Castro guerrillas began operating in the countryside, funded by right-wing exile communities in Miami. By the end of 1959, the CIA was thinking about assassinating Castro, a consideration supposedly justified by the increasing presence of Soviet officials in Cuba. The American public was also souring on the revolution. It wasn’t long before the New York press, which previously had compared Castro to George Washington, began referring to the Cuban leader contemptuously as El Beardo.

As rumors of an impending U.S. invasion grew, Castro began arming Cuban citizens with vintage Soviet weapons, and he revived the tribunals—this time with the power to impose a death sentence for offenses against the revolution. In January 1960, Marks was made chief security officer at El Princípe prison, another colonial relic in Havana. Its cells were crammed with 3,000 inmates, mostly opponents of Castro from militant dissident groups. The Butcher was told to get back to business.

“I am proud to have fought with such men as Che Guevara and Fidel Castro, proud to be part of the revolution,” Marks concluded, “but I am also proud of being an American citizen, and I do not intend to stop being one!”

In February 1960, a U.S. embassy staff officer named Wayne Gilchrist steered his lumbering Chevrolet into the cobbled courtyard of El Princípe and handed Marks an envelope. Inside was a Certificate of Loss of Nationality. The United States had stripped Marks of his citizenship.

It was another indicator, if any more were needed, that the romance between the United States and revolutionary Cuba was well and truly over. One by one, Marks and other yanqui expats who had remained in Castro’s forces after Batista’s exit were stripped of citizenship. Their crime? Serving in a foreign military.

Marks did not take the news lying down. A few days after Gilchrist’s visit, he held a press conference. Secon covered the thinly attended event—Marks later conceded that it had lured only “three or four” journalists—for the Times of Havana and the wire service United Press International. The Times ran her story on the front page, with a photo of Marks wearing a beret and a “well-trimmed beard,” as she described it, which he “thoughtfully fingered” as he pondered his legal situation. Marks claimed that Americans in Cuba were being targeted for political reasons. “A person’s citizenship is his right of birth,” he declared, noting that Americans had fought in the Spanish Civil War and as part of the British and French armies in the two World Wars without losing their nationality. “I am proud to have fought with such men as Che Guevara and Fidel Castro, proud to be part of the revolution,” he concluded, “but I am also proud of being an American citizen, and I do not intend to stop being one.”

Secon editorialized her own outrage. “If the reputation Herman Marks won in the Sierra Maestra still holds,” she wrote, “the U.S. State Department will have one hell of a battle denying what the man calls his birthright.”

By the time of the press conference, Marks was well into his stint at El Princípe. His time there produced a string of lurid stories, although their veracity is difficult to establish; most were retroactively spread by Miami Cubans when anti-Castro propaganda became virulent in their city. In the Cuban poet Armando Valladares’s error-filled 1986 memoir, Against All Hope, Marks is depicted as a savage drunkard who referred to the prison as his “private hunting preserve” and would order the guards to attack inmates with chains and truncheons before stealing their possessions. Valladares describes Marks’s executions as gory ordeals, with the American often bringing his pet dog with him to lap up the blood of the condemned. John Martino—an American casino worker with mob connections who was arrested for smuggling Batista henchmen out of the country—wrote a tome in 1963 called I Was Castro’s Prisoner, which includes a chapter entitled “Sadists and Perverts of El Princípe.” After one inmate begged to be spared, Martino claimed, Marks fired all the rounds in his pistol into the man’s face, turning it into “a shapeless piece of meat,” and supposedly giving his mother a fatal heart attack when she opened his coffin at the funeral.

The story later circulated that Marks was stripped of his position at El Princípe due to his brutality and alleged theft of prison funds; Marks denied the charges when they surfaced. Whatever the truth, he was transferred from the prison in March 1960 to downtown Havana, where he trained police officers in firearm safety after a series of clumsy shooting accidents injured bystanders. It was a demotion, perhaps, but hardly a disgrace.

Despite months of relative luxury thanks to his job perks, Marks was painfully aware that life for Americans in Cuba was becoming more dangerous by the day. The escalating drama was excellent copy for Secon, but it risked spinning out of control and trapping the couple, or worse. The most alarming sign was an enormous May Day rally in the Plaza de la Revolución, where cadres of Cubans armed with their Soviet weapons marched past Castro’s podium in a tropical echo of Moscow’s military parades. Castro orated about the threat of a U.S. invasion, which Cubans, he said, would face like the Spartans at Thermopylae. A chant began: “Cuba sí, yanqui no!”

Marks became convinced that he was being followed by Cuban intelligence agents. His paranoia increased when, in early May, several officers close to him were arrested. Secon was just as jittery. As Marks later recounted, “A lot of people were coming to the same conclusion: Get out while there was still a chance.”

Part Four

At 2 a.m. on May 10, Secon was frantically packing her bags and burning papers in the kitchen sink of her apartment when she was startled by a knock at the door. Her first thought was that Castro’s intelligence agents had come to arrest her. She had been working on a story about Communist activity in Cuba, and was determined to get her files out of the country and publish the piece. But she had also been tipped off by friends in the government that she would be detained at the airport if she tried to leave; she was convinced that she would be tried as an American spy and sentenced to 20 years.

When she opened the door, though, it was only Marks. Secon “nearly collapsed with relief,” she later wrote. Marks, too, was ready to flee. He told her that he had been engaged in counter-revolutionary activity and had been warned by old friends in the security forces that he was about to be arrested. Their only hope of escaping the island, the pair agreed, was to hijack a boat.

Secon later recounted their daredevil flight in two magazine stories (one penned under a pseudonym) and assorted newspaper articles. The facts are hard to confirm, at least for the period when the pair were still in Cuba, but Secon’s description of the escape generally fits in with the findings of subsequent investigations and court records. At her apartment, Marks told Secon that he refused to be taken alive and she should be ready for a gunfight. He then drove off to find a revolver and army fatigues for Secon, so she could blend in with the revolutionaries. Eventually, in the predawn darkness, the pair climbed into Marks’s Packard, made sure they weren’t being tailed, and drove west along the empty coastal highway.

In the fishing village of Los Arroyos, Cuba’s westernmost point, they hired a boat for the following morning. But their choice of egress was too obvious; other desperate Cubans had shanghaied vessels there in recent weeks. When Marks and Secon turned up for their charter at 4 a.m., they were joined by three armed soldiers. “Nothing personal,” one told Secon. “Too many people have been leaving Cuba by boat lately.” The couple were forced to spend a long, anxious day fishing. Afterward, Marks and Secon put their catch in the trunk of the Packard, and the soldiers said that they would be wiring Havana to report that two norteamericanos had been on a boat.

Driving away from the harbor, Marks was recognized at a road block by a former compañero. In later court testimony, Marks described an edgy standoff: Secon picked up a rifle in the car and flicked off the safety, and a guard snarled, “Well, we’re not going to get you here, but we’ll get you further on in another place.” Marks and Secon spent the next two nights, Secon later wrote, driving “back roads and cow trails” to avoid detection, and creeping around yacht clubs looking for unguarded boats, before deciding that they should try their luck at a tourist resort.

They boarded a car ferry to the Isle of Pines, a remote island off Cuba’s south coast, and checked into the swanky El Colony, which was still popular with U.S. vacationers and had a busy marina. The pair chartered a ramshackle 33-foot launch called the Coral del Mar for a day of fishing with a middle-aged captain named Julio Perle and his brother. When they arrived at dawn the next morning, they learned that Perle’s skinny teenage son would also be coming along. An hour later, as the trio of Cubans were preparing the fishing lines over a reef about six miles from port, Marks and Secon pulled out their weapons and ordered the crew to motor due west to Mexico.

Perle and his brother were adamantly pro-Castro and refused to cooperate, so Secon kept a gun trained on them while Marks skippered the launch, navigating without charts and zigzagging to avoid navy patrol vessels. That night they were hit by a Caribbean squall so violent it made the Cubans, now locked belowdecks, seasick. The flat-bottomed craft, which Perle’s family had built themselves, slapped against the open waves and made sluggish progress. At dusk the next day, the lights of Mexico’s Yucatán coast became visible just as the boat’s fuel ran out. “The engine gave one short cough and died,” Secon wrote. The five people aboard could only pray for help from a passing boat as currents carried them away from shore into the vast Gulf of Campeche.

On land, the hijacking had become international news. Although details were hazy, the escape of El Carnicero and a crusading female reporter from Cuba was covered by the AP and The New York Times. Meanwhile, according to Secon’s later accounts, the situation aboard the Coral del Mar was growing desperate. The three Cubans were dragooned back on deck to fish before nightfall, in order to extend the boat’s meager rations. After dark they were locked up again, and Secon and Marks took turns guarding them. The next day, lack of sleep, combined with what Secon described as “relentless sun, maddening thirst, and tension,” began to take their toll. When Marks nodded off for a short nap, Secon had a confrontation with Perle, who threatened to move on her and seize her weapon; he only relented when she took off the safety and convinced him she would fire.

On the fourth day at sea, they encountered two passing vessels. One, a freighter, did not respond to gunfire, frantic waving, or SOS flashes with a mirror. The other turned out to be a Cuban fishing boat, with a crew of ten who stood on the gunwales and stared at the Coral del Mar silently. “Why they did not jump us I do not know,” Secon wrote. She wondered whether Cuban radio had warned listeners that she and Marks were “armed and dangerous.”

At last, on the seventh day, they spotted a shrimp vessel from Florida. “Fortune again smiled on our sun-black skinny faces,” Marks later said. The captain, “a kind and generous man,” gave them a full tank of fuel and ten gallons of water. According to Secon, the Coral del Mar headed back to Cuba, with Perle, his brother, and his son on board, while the rescue boat carried her and Marks west. Secon claimed that Marks eventually swam ashore to the Yucatán with his pistol, promising to meet up with her later in Mexico City, while she stayed on the boat, which was headed for Texas.

The pair did eventually connect in the Mexican capital, but the truth about their rescue came out some time later, when Normyle, the reporter for the Milwaukee Journal who had kept close tabs on Marks, traveled to the Isle of Pines and interviewed Julio Perle. The captain of the Coral del Mar told Normyle that, contrary to Secon’s story about heading west, she and Marks had immediately made for Florida aboard the American shrimp boat, which Perle said was named the St. George. Normyle tracked the vessel down in Tampa. The captain, James E. Cartwright, said he had no idea about the pair’s dramatic past. They had told him they were on a fishing trip and were afraid to return to Cuba because of “the troubles there,” so he let them sleep for two days and nights on mattresses on his boat’s deck as he sailed it back to Tampa. Cartwright had intended to alert immigration officers of his castaways when they docked on May 25, but the couple were so amiable and thankful that he didn’t bother. (Cartwright would regret his candor; after Normyle’s story was published, immigration services in Miami fined him $4,020 for failing to declare his passengers.)

From Tampa, Secon and Marks made a beeline for Mexico City. There, as Secon polished her stories about their escape for publication, Marks applied for asylum.

Secon wrote a vivid “interview” with Marks for the popular men’s magazine Cavalier. It became the December cover story, with the sensational title “Castro’s No. 1 Killer Talks.

Mexico City in 1960 was famous for welcoming political exiles of every stripe. People fleeing the Soviet Union, Latin American dictatorships, and McCarthyism congregated in the capital, following in the footsteps of Leon Trotsky and Luis Buñuel. The city also had a Wild West air. Marks was sure he and Secon were being tracked by agents of both the CIA and Cuban intelligence whenever they left the UPI news agency’s offices. He decided it was safer for them to slip back into the United States and lie low.

Secon appears to have made the trip first, traveling north to New York, where she had an apartment. Before he could join her, Marks was jumped by men in Ciudad Juárez. They tried to force him into a car, but he escaped with little worse than a torn shirt. Marks crossed the border at El Paso on July 22, even though his only identification was an expired Wisconsin driver’s license. He later claimed that immigration agents didn’t even ask to see it. He traveled by Greyhound bus to Manhattan, where he headed straight for Secon’s apartment, a walk-up on East 78th Street, then an unglamorous periphery of the Upper East Side. The pair were so broke, the only furniture they owned was a mattress they kept on the floor.

For the next six months, Marks lived happily under the radar, using the alias Fred Keller and picking up odd jobs, including work as a housepainter. He used the same name in September, when he went to a New York hospital for surgery on his right arm, which probably had been injured in Mexico. “I did not want to be a sitting pigeon for any Cuban communists or Fidelistas,” he later said of his subterfuge.

In fact, Marks knew he was a target for any number of enemies. He was hated by the exiled supporters of Batista, whose cronies he had executed; he was hated by moderate Cuban exiles, who saw him as a stooge of the Castro regime; and he was hated by pro-Castro agents, who felt that he had deserted the revolution. For good measure, he was also wanted by the FBI as a potential subversive, and could be arrested at any moment by the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) as an illegal alien—he’d lost his citizenship, after all.

Despite all this, Marks thought he could be useful to the CIA for his inside knowledge of Cuba. In October 1960, Secon made contact with the agency and arranged a meeting in Washington, but it was postponed. On November 2, Marks turned up unannounced in Milwaukee at the house of Martha Yelich, his mother, and stayed for four days. Yelich recalled that he crept like a burglar up the stairs to her apartment. “Somebody knocked and then I heard his voice. … He looked good and was in fine health,” she said. Martha was unaware of her son’s pariah status. He cooked dinner for her each night he was there, and she persuaded him to shave his beard. “I told him to clear off his face and he listened to his mother,” Yelich said. She noticed that he avoided going out in public, but she didn’t ask why.

When Marks returned to New York, he and Secon decided on a plan of action that turned out to be ill-advised. Using the nom de plume Allen Forbes, Secon wrote a vivid “interview” with Marks for the popular men’s magazine Cavalier. It became the December issue’s cover story, with the sensational title “Castro’s No. 1 Killer Talks” screaming above a cartoonish illustration of blindfolded men before a firing squad. The 11-page feature included photographs Secon had taken on the boat from Cuba, along with so much detail about Marks’s adventures that the story would later be entered as evidence in court.

If Marks and Secon thought they’d gain sympathy for his cause, they were mistaken. The article’s main effect was to alert the INS that the Butcher was not hiding out in Mexico, but was back in the United States, where he no longer had any legal right to be.

There must have been a sense of déjà vu. At eight o’clock on the bleak, snowy evening of January 25, 1961, Secon and Marks heard a banging at the door of the apartment. Standing in the hall were two INS agents. Prompted by the Cavalier story, Oscar Colton and Robert McLaughlin had tracked Marks to his rundown Manhattan love nest. “And I asked them, I says—couldn’t we wait until tomorrow? I’ll come tomorrow,” Marks said in a later INS interview. “They says—if you could come down now, we could finish it off in a short time, and you’ll go home and it will be all over.” Secon accompanied them and protested that Marks should have an attorney present, but the agents insisted they simply wanted his cooperation in tracking down illegal Cuban refugees.

They questioned Marks for more than four hours while reassuring him that he was not under arrest. Around 2 a.m., agent Colton drew up a statement and encouraged Marks to sign it. “By that time I was exhausted,” Marks recalled. “They told me I should sign it and I’d be able to go home soon. I just glanced through it.” When Marks noted some discrepancies, Colton stressed that they were not important—the statement was just a formality. But when Marks signed and put down the pen, the agents placed him under arrest. He was taken to a holding cell and told that, as a non-U.S. citizen, he’d be deported back to Cuba.

Marks was placed in handcuffs around 4 a.m., then transferred by eight officers in three police cars—sirens blaring through silent streets encrusted with grimy snow—to the maximum-security Federal Detention Center on West Street, near the Hudson River. A clerk presented Marks with a ten-point “bill” listing the particulars of the government’s case against him. The next day, two other INS agents turned up to interview him. This time—finally—he demanded an attorney.

As Marks well knew, being sent back to Havana would be a death sentence. To survive, he had to stay in America. And to do that, he had to fight.

Part Five

Marks’s arrest made the front page of The New York Times—indeed, Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy announced the triumph himself, congratulating the INS agents and promising Marks’s speedy expulsion from the United States. In Milwaukee, where Marks had become a larger-than-life figure, Democratic congressman Henry Reuss demanded a probe into how Marks had slipped into the country in the first place. Surely border agents had lists of notorious reprobates who had lost their citizenship, Reuss said. In fact, citizenship was so rarely stripped from Americans that the congressman was merely displaying his legal ignorance. Still, Ruess said that Marks should remain in a New York prison, because, if returned to Cuba, he would only resume his bloody job as executioner, making the United States a “butcher in accessory.”

Hate mail about Marks landed at the State Department. One letter alleged that Marks had “enjoyed killing Christians” in the Spanish Civil War. “Observers state he had a sexual reaction at the times of actual death,” the author added.

Photographers gathered when Marks was brought in handcuffs to his first INS hearing on January 30, surrounded by 20 plainclothes policemen in case of anti-Castro protests. Dressed in a dark, disheveled suit, black tie, and cheap winter overcoat, Marks appeared startled, dejected, and nondescript. In fact, scoffed Newsweek, the Butcher “looked as mousy as a henpecked shoe clerk.”

The INS claimed that Marks was an illegal alien, and that he should be deported for illegally entering the country and for “moral turpitude.” As evidence of the latter, it cited his carnal-knowledge conviction in Wisconsin. Jean Secon had hired a New York lawyer, Carl Rachlin, to represent Marks, and Rachlin noted in court that U.S. officials had known about Marks’s presence in the country since his return in July, and had even been in contact with him. (This is possibly a reference to the postponed CIA meeting brokered by Secon.) When Marks took the stand, he criticized the INS agents for tricking him into signing a confession. As The New York Times reported, “He seemed haggard and nervous as he sat at the hearing table and spoke in a low voice.”

Rachlin was able to obtain an adjournment and time to prepare a proper defense. Marks’s case was subsequently delayed multiple times, and he remained in INS custody without being charged for nearly nine months. At his second hearing, on February 13, security was again high—Marks was secreted in through the back entrance. Rachlin won another adjournment but promptly withdrew from the case “for personal reasons,” almost certainly because he was frightened by the political hysteria surrounding Cuba. Finding a replacement was nearly impossible. No one in America, it seemed, was willing to defend the Butcher of Havana.

In early March, Secon approached the American Civil Liberties Union to take up the case. The ACLU had a long history of confronting politically motivated attacks on U.S. citizens, often representing defendants maligned by the wider public. In fact, the legal organization had formed in 1920 in the wake of the so-called Palmer Raids during the first Red Scare, when Attorney General A. Mitchell Palmer arrested thousands of suspected radical immigrants and began deportation proceedings against them.

A crusading New York labor lawyer named Murray A. Gordon agreed to take Marks’s case pro bono. Gordon was the Alan Dershowitz of his day. A graduate of City College (“the Harvard of the Proletariat,” as it was known then), Gordon would make a name for himself representing Jewish associations and African-American activists in the South. Unpopular figures were his specialty, and he intended to turn the reviled Marks into a test case for civil liberties.

Marks’s treatment by the INS was part of a constitutional drama that had remained unresolved for the full 40 years of the ACLU’s existence. At issue was whether U.S. citizenship was an innate right protected by the 14th Amendment or a gift granted by the federal government that could be removed at will, by “denationalizing” the native-born or “denaturalizing” people from other countries who’d attained American citizenship. As Yale professor Patrick Weil writes in his book The Sovereign Citizen, most Americans today are unaware that the right of citizenship was ever at risk. But the removal of it—a tactic most often wielded by authoritarian regimes—was for decades the U.S. government’s ultimate weapon against individuals it deemed undesirable. The Red Scare of 1919–20 was only the first spasm, initiating a pattern of left-wing immigrants being targeted for deportation. Most notoriously, Russian-born feminist and anarchist firebrand Emma Goldman lost her U.S. citizenship on a trumped-up technicality and was shipped off to Moscow.

During the McCarthy era, the government used the threat of denationalization against American-born dissenters. It was a new twist in an old game: Punitive laws intended to keep unruly foreigners and naturalized immigrants in line had been on the books since the 1798 Alien Friends Act. Native-born citizens had historically been far less vulnerable. Now, among a string of dubious laws passed by Congress, the 1952 Immigration and Nationality Act included a provision that would ultimately be used against Marks. It stated that any American who served in a foreign army automatically forfeited U.S. citizenship. In response, progressives argued that Americans could be deprived of their citizenship only by voluntarily renouncing it.

Starting in the mid-1950s, the Supreme Court was plunged into what Weil calls a legal war, issuing conflicting rulings on laws that allowed individuals to be targeted based on government whim. These laws, the ACLU realized, might be used to exile anyone the State Department found problematic. The case of the Butcher—the lofty-sounding Marks v. Esperdy, as it was logged in courtwas really a defense of every native-born American’s right to citizenship.

Marks spent his days “molesting the prisoners and making fun of all of them,” Algaze said. “He was the terror of every prisoner. They called him the Death Bird.”

On March 27, 1961, Gordon captured national headlines with his rhetoric in court, describing to an INS judge the capricious nature of the government’s attack on his client. He pointed out that even Grace Kelly, who ruled a foreign country, Monaco, had been allowed to keep her U.S. passport. A few reporters grudgingly agreed with Gordon—the Boston Herald noted that the issue at stake “does not end with Marks but touches us all.” Meanwhile, news came from Havana that Marks’s fellow yanqui soldier of fortune, William Morgan, had been arrested as a counter-revolutionary, dragged up against the pockmarked stone wall at La Cabaña, and executed. It was a reminder to his supporters of what Marks already knew: that his prospects, were he to be sent back to Cuba, were grim.

After another postponement, the INS court reconvened on April 5. The New York Post’s Murray Kempton gave a wry account of the proceedings, in which prosecution witnesses included two Cuban refugees whose testimony revealed little of note about Marks’s activities in Havana. The first, Roger Gonzalez, was a former rebel officer who’d fled to the United States and was then arrested by the INS as an illegal alien. “He had met Marks once at some girl’s apartment,” Kempton noted, presumably referring to Secon and her place in Old Havana. “They had talked about the past in the hills.” Another former Cuban military officer popped in from Flushing to talk about uniform styles.

But other prosecution witnesses had plenty to say, including the former public defender for Batista’s officers in La Cabaña, Israel Algaze y Maya. He testified that Marks would “die of laughing” whenever a death sentence was handed down by revolutionary tribunals in 1959. Algaze had witnessed many executions, he attested: “I saw the bodies, I saw the coffins, I saw the blood on the floor.” Marks spent his days “molesting the prisoners and making fun of all of them,” Algaze said. “He was the terror of every prisoner. They called him the Death Bird.”

The INS submitted this sort of evidence about Marks’s character over objections from Gordon that the agency was wallowing in “gore and morbidity.” Whether or not Marks was a “sadist” in his duties as executioner, Gordon said, was irrelevant to the legal issues at hand.  When Marks took the stand, he was asked whether his work at the prison after the rebels’ 1959 victory had been voluntary. “Nobody refuses Che Guevara, believe me,” he said, seeming to imply that he’d been compelled into his position at La Cabaña. To disobey Che, he added, would have been “plain suicide.”

Gordon had tried to locate friends of Marks’s in Havana to testify about his purported anti-Communist activities, perhaps trying to play to American sympathies. Marks’s old journalist buddy Ted Scott had offered to supply an affidavit, but he boarded a ship bound for New Zealand before doing so. The New York Times’ Ruby Hart Phillips also begged off. Former U.S. consular official Hugh Kessler was refused permission to appear by the State Department. “Unfortunately,” Gordon declared, “the reaction has been that people were afraid to testify in a case of this sort.”

Murray Kempton was intrigued by the case’s ironies, and in his write-up of the hearing he drew a parallel between the U.S. and Cuban legal systems, both of which in his view had created what amounted to kangaroo courts. “Gordon is working in a court rather like La Cabaña,” Kempton wrote. “Its fundamental theory is represented by the notion that Marks, being a bad lot, should have his citizenship taken away on some excuse or other. If American citizenship were confined to the virtuous, of course, there’d be no voters except Pat Nixon and Billy Graham.”

On April 17, some 1,400 soldiers, Cuban exiles trained and supported by the CIA, landed on Cuba’s south coast near a cove with the evocative name Bahía de Cochinos (the Bay of Pigs). When John F. Kennedy balked at providing air cover, the invaders were pinned down on the beaches by Cuban militiamen, with Castro personally commanding. After three days the exiles surrendered. The debacle humiliated the United States and drove Cuba irrevocably into the Soviet camp of the Cold War. Che sent a message to JFK expressing his gratitude for the invasion, so permanently had it solidified support for the leftist revolution.

In this frenzied atmosphere, the INS ruling that came down on June 1, 1961, was predictable: The judge declared Marks “a stateless person,” and ruled that he could be deported to any country that would take him. But for the ACLU, this was only the opening round. At a press conference, Gordon swore to appeal. He did, and on August 4, the Board of Immigration Appeals confirmed the court’s decision. However, as the Times wrote, “A spokesman expressed doubt … that Marks would be deported because of the difficulty of finding a country that would accept him.” He was now in the unenviable position of languishing behind bars until some other country raised its hand to take him.

Of particular concern to Gordon was the idea that Marks, who had no hope of paying his $10,000 bail, might stay in detention for years awaiting a resolution. In October 1961, the INS judge reduced the amount to $5,000, and the ACLU somehow cobbled together the funds. When he was released, Marks quietly slipped out of the INS’s West Street detention center and moved back in with Secon.

He was free but trapped in a legal twilight zone. On the surface, Marks’s life as “a man without a country” was not crippling: He could legally work, but he couldn’t vote or serve on a jury. While his case proceeded, the INS merely required him to report once a year and to register his address. In reality, though, the agency did not hesitate to make life miserable for Marks. When he joined the Teamsters, for instance, it presented union officials with details of his criminal record and forced him to resign.

In March 1962, Gordon and the ACLU took Marks’s case to the Federal District Court in New York, which issued a surprising ruling. Judge John M. Cashin affirmed that Marks had lost his U.S. citizenship in accordance with federal law, but also ruled that the United States could not deport Marks because the grounds given by the INS —illegal entry into the country, moral turpitude—were invalid. Cashin said that Marks still had a plausible claim to U.S. citizenship when he re-entered the country, and that because his 1951 conviction for carnal knowledge occurred back when he was a citizen, it was irrelevant to the case.

The Department of Justice immediately announced that it would appeal. The ACLU vowed to fight for Marks all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary.

With Marks’s case, Chief Justice Earl Warren was hoping to clarify the cloud of legal confusion surrounding American citizenship.

Marks had always had a difficult personality, and the stress of his situation exacerbated his explosive temper. After he failed to turn up to several meetings, then verbally abused his lawyer over the telephone, Gordon had had enough. He sent a formal letter terminating their relationship “for personal and professional reasons.” Marks apologized and asked to be taken back. “I realize that I have been upset and have said things that have made you upset,” he wrote, assuring Gordon that he had “great respect” for his handling of the case. “I apologize to you for anything I have said in the heat of angry exchange that has offended you.”

Gordon reluctantly agreed to keep Marks as a client, a decision that became even more personally dangerous in the fall of 1962, as Cuba pushed the United States and the Soviet Union toward a nuclear confrontation. While the next appeal in the case was pending, U.S. spy planes discovered that the Soviets were building launch pads in Cuba. In October, the missile crisis brought the world the closest it has ever come to Armageddon, as President Kennedy and Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev faced off while a Russian fleet headed to Havana with warheads in their holds. A last-minute deal averted nuclear disaster, but in America anything to do with Cuba became more toxic than ever.

There was a sense of inevitability when the Federal Court of Appeals in New York reversed the lower court’s lenient ruling on April 9, 1963, and declared—once again—that Marks could be deported. He would have to surrender to the INS, although an assistant U.S. attorney admitted that he would not be sent back to Cuba, since his return would likely be a death sentence. By now, Marks and Secon had fallen out, and he was living in Los Angeles. On April 16, Marks flew back to New York to turn himself in.

Gordon and the ACLU made good on their promise and lodged an appeal with the Supreme Court. Soon, America’s highest court agreed to hear Marks’s case. On April 2, 1964, at the height of cherry blossom season, Marks and Gordon climbed the gleaming white steps of the Supreme Court. It was a long way from the impoverished back blocks of Milwaukee and dreamy tropical avenues of Havana. Marks may have noticed that the Cuban Capitolio was a replica of the U.S. Capitol, rising across the street from the court. The key difference was that the Havana dome had been built to outstrip the yanquis’ original—the Capitolio rose several feet higher.

With Marks’s case, Chief Justice Earl Warren was hoping to clarify the cloud of legal confusion surrounding American citizenship. The case had been accepted along with that of Angelika Schneider, a German-born woman who had lived in the United States since the age of five, was naturalized and raised in New York, but was stripped of her citizenship in her late twenties after she married and moved to Cologne. (The 1940 Nationality Act stated that naturalized citizens lost their rights if they resumed residency in the country of their birth for a period of three years, or lived anywhere else outside the United States for five.)

It must have been among the more satisfying moment in Gordon’s career to stand before the Supreme Court, and his two-hour oral argument was captured on tape. The recording can still be heard in the National Archives today: Gordon’s patient voice echoing in the chamber, questions from the elderly justices issued in shaky tones, occasional laughter from the audience. Gordon argued that the case against Marks was purely political, and that Congress should not have the power to expatriate Americans. There was a long and illustrious history of foreigners serving in the wars of other countries, Gordon said: Polish hero Tadeusz Kosciuszko and the Marquis de Lafayette, a Frenchman, fought in the American Revolutionary War, Germans fought for the Union in the Civil War, and Americans fought for France and Britain before the United States entered the two World Wars. Gordon also noted that only six other countries in the world denationalized citizens for serving in a foreign military, including Afghanistan, Indonesia, and Panama.

What’s more, Gordon argued, if left stateless Marks would probably remain under indefinite supervision. In response, one of the justices brought up the case of Ignatz Mezei, a Hungarian cabinetmaker suspected of being a Communist, who had recently spent four years trapped on Ellis Island before being allowed to settle in Buffalo. There was a moment of dry humor as Justice Hugo L. Black inquired about Mezei’s fate:

Justice Black: As I recall it, he was sent away because it was thought he was so subversive, he might destroy the country.

Gordon: He was. He was found to be subversive.

Black: Is he still here?

Gordon: He’s still in the United States. (Gales of laughter in the court).

Justice Brennan: And the nation still stands?

Gordon: The nation stands.

Based on the composition of the court, Gordon was confident that it would rule five to four in Marks’s favor, restoring his citizenship. But at the last minute, the progressive justice William Brennan discovered that his son, a lawyer, had discussed Marks’s case with an attorney working to prevent Marks from regaining his status as a citizen. Brennan felt that he had to recuse himself due to a conflict of interest. His would have been the deciding vote in Marks’s favor. Instead, the court handed down a hung decision, which meant that the New York federal court’s ruling stood. Marks would remain a stateless alien trapped in America.

The decision—or lack of one—dismayed civil libertarians and became the subject of a New York Times editorial five days later. “It was the first time the Court had upheld expatriation of a person who can claim no other nationality,” it read. “Mr. Marks literally becomes a man without a country.” If Marks had broken American laws, the editorial argued, he should be prosecuted within the legal system, not made “an outcast. Is a man who serves in a foreign army a worse threat to our national integrity than one who bribes a jury? We think Congress should have no power to expatriate Americans even for acts that it thinks show lack of allegiance.”

The Butcher of Havana’s life became wholly mundane, as he worked part-time doing the accounts at his brother-in-law’s hairdressing salon, Jerry’s Styling Studio, and fretted about getting W-2s for his tax return.

The day after the supportive Times editorial was published, Marks managed to sour public opinion of him once more. On the night of May 24, Secon called the police to report that Marks had forced his way into her apartment. According to the NYPD, “He had been annoying Miss Secon in recent weeks with telephone calls, using obscene language and threatening to kill her.” Marks was held on $10,500 bail—$10,000 for a misdemeanor charge for the obscene calls, and $500 for disorderly conduct. Presumably, the ACLU helped raise funds for his release.

From there, Marks’s last appearances in public life descended into farce. In the early hours of August 13, 1965, he was arrested in Manhattan for climbing a tree to spy on a neighbor with a pair of binoculars; he was taken into custody after he fell 30 feet and broke his leg. The press had a field day with Castro’s Peeping Tom. His old nemesis in the INS, district director Peter Esperdy, wearily explained that Marks still couldn’t be deported, because there was no place to send him. (The agency had put out feelers to Havana through Switzerland, with no luck.)

As his leg healed, Marks moved back in with his mother in Milwaukee. For a year he lived quietly, hobbling in and out of the apartment. “The doctor didn’t set his leg right,” Yelich later recalled. The Butcher’s life became wholly mundane as he worked part-time doing the accounts at his brother-in-law’s hairdressing salon, Jerry’s Styling Studio, and fretted about getting W-2s for his tax return. Still, the INS and the FBI kept vigilant watch on him and his family, opening their mail and tapping their calls. His local notoriety was boosted by a Milwaukee TV station’s documentary about him.

Then, in the summer of 1966, Marks found himself in serious trouble with the law again. It was almost as if he were determined to remain beyond all possible sympathy in the eyes of history: A woman accused him of child molestation.

The details are disputed, but the woman (we only know that her name was Mary) alleged that Marks had been recommended as a babysitter for her two daughters, aged four and six, by a friend who assured her that despite his shady past he was “wonderful with children.” One day, the six-year-old “blurted out what happened.” Mary accused Marks of “taking indecent liberties” and filed charges. On August 18, Marks walked into the foyer of the district attorney’s office where the mother was giving testimony, then turned around and left.

His mother insisted that the charges against her son were false. Mary, she said, was a local dancer who had accused her son as an act of revenge. “She was a nightclub floozy, that girl,” Yelich told the Milwaukee Journal. “She got him into trouble. He told her she could be picked up by men on any corner and she got mad. She was that kind of woman. She lied and tried to get even.”

Nobody knew where Marks was hiding. Two weeks later, one of Yelich’s neighbors spotted him driving along a road near his mother’s house. It was the last time anyone saw him. After that, he vanished.

“Is my son dead?” she sighed. “I hope not. I hope not.”

Even Marks’s lawyers couldn’t find him. The FBI kept a hawklike eye on Yelich, but Marks never contacted her. In January 1968, the ACLU tried to get in touch with him, but the telegram was returned unopened. The last correspondence from Gordon’s office is dated August 30, 1968, when Marks’s bail bond was forfeited.

There was the occasional false alarm. In November 1968, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police reported to the INS that Marks had been fingerprinted entering Canada. Upon further investigation, however, the Canadians said it was a mistake.

Ironically, in 1967, after Marks disappeared, the Supreme Court issued a ruling that would have rescued him from his stateless limbo. In Afroyim v. Rusk, the court affirmed that U.S. citizenship was inviolable under the 14th Amendment. From that moment on, Americans could lose their citizenship only by explicitly renouncing it; it could not be stripped by an act of Congress. Marks’s citizenship could be restored—if only he would reemerge.

A pathetic coda to his saga came in December 1970, when Yelich, now 74 and dying, put out a public appeal in the Milwaukee Journal for her son to come home so she could see him one last time. She spoke to a reporter, “her head covered with a fading babushka, her eyes misted over.” A photograph showed her with cat’s-eye glasses. “I’m sick, and I want to get in touch with him,” Yelich said. “I would like to have him here. Everything, tell him, would be straightened out.” She said that the FBI had told her Marks had gone back to Cuba, and then she showed the reporter the picture of her son she’d long kept in her purse.

“Is my son dead?” she sighed. “I hope not. I hope not.”

Her effort was in vain. When Yelich died 11 months later, in October 1971, the funeral was held in secret, to avoid any press. A reporter tracked down her relatives four days later, but they refused to discuss Marks, who they said had only brought shame on the family.

The INS kept in touch with the Milwaukee FBI about the case for years afterward, but the trail was cold. The New York criminal case for the Peeping Tom incident lapsed in 1974. The INS and FBI closed their files on Marks in 1980. The Butcher had slipped out of history for good.

Epilogue

Today, Marks’s fate remains a mystery. Did he indeed return to Cuba, as his mother said the FBI told her, joining the trickle of airplane hijackers, left-wing activists, and Black Panthers who took refuge there in the 1960s? It seems improbable, given the risk to his life. Marks’s INS file notes, in 1970, “Inf. of possible execution in Cuba,” but the story was discounted. At least one foreign journalist who inquired after Marks in Havana was told that the yanqui turncoat had been “put up against the wall,” but there’s no evidence of that happening; the story was almost certainly bluster on the part of the Castro government. Even so, the idea of the Butcher being executed had the ring of poetic justice, and it makes for such a tidy finale to his narrative that it was reported as fact by Norman Lewis in the 1980s.

The only government agency that may be aware of Marks’s fate is the CIA, but its file on him has remained closed, for unspecified reasons of national security, despite my own repeated requests under the Freedom of Information Act. Conspiracy theorists would no doubt conclude that Marks was finally recruited by the agency in the late 1960s and given a new identity to help with covert operations. But this too seems implausible. In an interview, Félix Rodríguez, the CIA Cuba specialist who helped track down Che in Bolivia in 1967 and was present at his execution, scoffed at the idea. Now 80, and using a motorized wheelchair to navigate Miami’s newest Bay of Pigs museum, he said that he had never encountered El Carnicero in his decades as a field agent. He also indicated that such a meeting would not have ended well.

“If we had met him…,” Rodríguez remarked menacingly, and left the rest unsaid.

Another rumor held that Marks started a new life in Miami and filled a safety deposit box with a pile of money. But the truth is likely neither scandalous nor romantic. Penlo Hobbs, Marks’s niece, told me that the family thought he’d fled to Mexico. Marks may well have wound up in a pauper’s grave south of the border.

As Murray Kempton of the New York Post once remarked in his coverage of El Carnicero, “There must be a moment in the course of every revolution when its maximum leader demands that, for certain responsibilities, there be found for him an American gangster.” Dark humor aside, Kempton urged Americans to accept that “such a man is our very own,” as the country “gave him birth and formed his character.” RFK considered figures like Marks “un-American,” but Kempton argued the opposite—that Marks was in fact utterly American. That, perhaps, is the most certain part of the Butcher’s strange tale.


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Searching for Mr. X

For eight years, a man without a memory lived among strangers at a hospital in Mississippi. But was recovering his identity the happy ending he was looking for?

The Atavist Magazine, No. 119


Laura Todd Carns is a writer based in suburban Maryland. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, Quartz, and Electric Literature, among other publications. Find her on Twitter at @lauratoddcarns. Listen to Carns talk about reporting “Searching for Mr. X” on the Creative Nonfiction podcast.

Editor: Seyward Darby
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checker: Adam Przybyl
Illustrator: Ben Jones

Published in September 2021.


On a summer day in 1931, a man was found wandering South State Street in Jackson, Mississippi. He appeared to be lost. He was white, with gray hair and a thin, angular face. His clothes were worn and rumpled, but on his feet were a pair of tan Borden low-quarter dress shoes, the kind that sold for more than ten dollars at S. P. McRae’s department store on West Capitol Street. He had shell-rimmed eyeglasses and a belt buckle with the letter L on it. In his pocket was a cheap watch and a single penny.

When police questioned him, the man seemed dazed. He was unable to supply his name, his address, or an explanation for why he was in Jackson. He was arrested for vagrancy. After a few days, he was placed in the custody of Dr. C. D. Mitchell, superintendent of the Mississippi State Hospital. Upon his arrival at the facility, the man, who was estimated to be about sixty, was entered into the patient ledger as “Mr. X.”

Who was he? Where had he come from? How did he wind up alone on a street in the Deep South, at the beginning of the Great Depression, without his memory? Months passed, then years. Mr. X remained at the hospital, and the mystery of his identity lingered. For reasons no one could discern, his past was beyond his reach.

Formerly known as the Mississippi State Lunatic Asylum, in 1931 the hospital was a warren of overcrowded barracks so decrepit that patients kept getting injured by pieces of plaster that fell from crumbling ceilings. Worse yet, the hospital was a firetrap—its buildings were full of mattresses, linens, and other combustible material. One blaze after another destroyed parts of the facility, necessitating reconstruction.

In 1935, four years after Mr. X’s arrival, the institution moved to a brand-new campus about 15 miles outside Jackson. It was built on the site of a former penal farm and dubbed Whitfield, in honor of the governor—Henry L. Whitfield—who approved the construction. Over the course of several days, patients in Jackson were loaded onto buses in groups. They traveled along Highway 80 before turning onto a long gravel drive lined with young trees and freshly planted flower beds. Some 70 redbrick buildings with white columns were nestled on Whitfield’s green lawns and connected by paved walking paths. A visitor, taking in the manmade lake and the wide porches on the buildings, might have thought the place a summer camp or a university.

Over the previous century, patients in mental hospitals were often written off as subhuman and kept in barbaric conditions; by the 1940s, mental health care began shifting toward new treatment models, some with real potential to help people (psychiatric pharmacology), and some that could only do harm (lobotomy). Mr. X’s time in state care fell between these two eras, at an institution flush with the spirit in which it was built. Whitfield’s superintendent, Dr. Mitchell, designed the campus in line with the latest scientific understanding of psychiatry. The physical environs were intended to be peaceful and pleasing to the eye. Patients attended weekly dances and movie nights. On Sundays, patients and staff alike worshipped in the campus chapel. Orchards, fields, and a dairy farm provided Whitfield’s food. Able-bodied patients sewed overalls in the occupational therapy workshop; others milked cows or repaired fences. Mitchell believed in giving residents the opportunity to contribute to their community, because the dignity of honest work could be a salve to a troubled spirit. It also helped stretch the institution’s meager budget.

For some patients weathering a temporary crisis, the restful environment was all the treatment they needed, and they left after a short stay. For those suffering from more severe or chronic disorders, the hospital offered comfort and stability. The focus of treatment was on easing symptoms and providing structures that kept patients safe.

By all accounts, Mr. X thrived at Whitfield. He worked in the hospital’s greenhouse, tending to plants and flowers, and he revealed a surprising store of botanical knowledge. In his downtime he played cards with other patients and with staff. He had a knack for complicated games like bridge.

Knowing the names of things is semantic knowledge; knowing how to do things is procedural knowledge. These parts of Mr. X’s mental functioning were intact. What was missing were his autobiographical memories. And without them, who was he? A skilled bridge player who couldn’t remember how or when he’d learned the game; a gardener with no recollection of who’d taught him the names of flowers or which varieties grew in his mother’s yard.

Mr. X spent hours in the hospital’s library, reading every newspaper and magazine he could get his hands on. He told his doctors that he was looking for something that might jog his memory, something that felt familiar. Nothing ever did. He spoke with a genteel Southern accent, which suggested that he’d had some education in his life, or at least had grown up among educated people. Those people—his people—could tell Mr. X who he was. But no one came to Whitfield to claim him.

We’re not the only ones who carry our memories. The people around us, who share in our experiences, have their own version of events saved away. And when we tell a story to a loved one, we’re giving them a piece of our lives. We scatter memories like seeds, letting them take root in the people who care enough to listen.

One day in the late 1990s, I sat cross-legged on the cool tile floor of my grandmother’s sunroom in Florida, listening. I had a cheap spiral notebook in my lap where I scribbled down the scraps of memory she shared. My grandmother had always been reticent to talk about her upbringing in Mississippi, but as she spoke, her initial hesitance burned away like a fog dissolving in sunshine.

As she described her childhood, she dwelled for a while on a woman named Ligon Smith Forbes, her aunt on her mother’s side. Ligon—pronounced with a short i and a hard g—died well before I was born, but as my grandmother spoke, a lively, unconventional woman took shape in my mind. “She was a feminist divorcée suffragette journalist alcoholic lesbian rabble-rouser,” my grandmother said, tapping a manicured finger against her ultra-slim cigarette. “You would have loved her!”

Ligon was a tall, striking woman, and by the time she was in her fifties, her lined face had a rosy glow—the complexion of a heavy drinker. She was married briefly, retaining nothing from the union but the title “Mrs.” and a new last name. Ligon worked all her life, and she held a wide variety of jobs. She tried teaching, then managed a stationery and newspaper shop. She dabbled in real estate and in the insurance business. She got into journalism and road-tripped with Eleanor Roosevelt to report on conditions in the rural South for the Emergency Relief Administration. She also started the first advertising agency in Mississippi. Her cofounder was her longtime “companion,” a woman named Earlene White.

“When I was turning 13, Mama let me take the train to visit Aunt Ligon in the city, to celebrate my birthday,” my grandmother told me, her eyes shining at the glamour of it all. The year was 1931, and the city was Jackson—for a girl from a small, dusty town, the state capital was the height of sophistication. She stayed with Ligon and Earlene in their suite at the Robert E. Lee Hotel.

“Of course, they were lovers,” my grandmother said in a casual aside, “but we didn’t talk about things like that back then.”

Her mother—my great-grandmother, Ligon’s sister—had given her five dollars to buy a dress. “Five dollars was a lot of money,” my grandmother said solemnly, as if she could still feel the weight of it in her patent-leather purse. “Ligon took me shopping, and well….” My grandmother shrugged. “Instead of a dress, I came home with my first pair of high heels.” She grinned with the mischief of a rebellious teenager.

“She worked for the Times-Picayune in New Orleans for a while,” my grandmother said of Ligon, narrowing her eyes in concentration. “Wrote for a bunch of newspapers. Sometimes she sent me cuttings, but I don’t think I saved them. Maybe you could look”—at this my grandmother gestured vaguely toward the sky, indicating technology and its mysteries—“find out something about her work.”

I tried, but searching through old newspapers on library microfiche was a formidable task, and the earliest databases for genealogy research, such as Ancestry.com, were just coming online. The notebook where I’d scribbled my grandmother’s memories soon slid to the bottom of a box. It sat there, unopened, and moved as I did, to new homes, half a dozen times over the years.

When I discovered the notebook again, my grandmother had been dead for a decade. But there were her words on the page, transcribed in my ballpoint-scrawled hand. Outlandish stories of feuds with her older brothers, of the small-town telephone operator who eavesdropped on everyone’s conversations, of the house her lumberman father built, hand-picking every board. And memories of her beloved Aunt Ligon.

I took the fragments my grandmother had given me—the Robert E. Lee Hotel, the Times-Picayune, Earlene—and fed them into search engines. There she was: Ligon Smith Forbes. I discovered facts about my aunt’s life that my grandmother hadn’t shared, perhaps hadn’t even known. Ligon filed a patent in 1920. She worked with Near East Relief, famously the first charity to let donors “adopt” a child by supporting them financially from afar. And at the time of the 1940 census, her residence was listed as the Mississippi State Hospital in Whitfield.

At first I thought Ligon had been a patient. Perhaps she was being treated for alcoholism. But no—I soon learned that Whitfield was another career shift. Ligon was hired in July 1938 as the institution’s public relations director. Previously, administrators or the occasional contractor had handled publicity. But someone convinced the hospital that it could use a dedicated staff member to liaise with the press. In all likelihood that someone was Ligon herself. Creating jobs out of whole cloth was one of her specialties.

Ligon moved into the female staff dorm at Whitfield. Her commute to work was a stroll down landscaped paths, first to the dining hall for breakfast at communal tables, then to the cupola-topped administration building. She had a Rolodex full of contacts at regional newspapers and magazines. She had experience writing copy she knew papers would run. Now all she had to do was scour the hospital for story ideas.

Ligon reached out to the Commercial Appeal, a newspaper in Memphis, Tennessee, that had wide circulation in the South. It was always seeking content for its weekly photo supplement, referred to in the newspaper business as rotogravure. Ligon suggested that the paper do a two-page spread on the state-of-the-art mental hospital where she’d recently started working. She said she would travel to Memphis herself and hand-deliver the photographs. The newspaper, presumably eager for an easy way to fill a couple of pages, agreed.

On the day she would board the train for Memphis, Ligon came across a patient file that roused her journalistic instincts. As topics went, it was far meatier than images of Whitfield, however lovely the campus was. It was the sort of thing the public was hungry for. The stuff of radio melodrama and matinee movies. The kind of story a writer stumbles upon only a handful of times, if ever.

She had discovered Mr. X.

During her visit to the Commercial Appeal’s office, Ligon casually mentioned that she might have a lead on a story. There was an elderly man who’d lived at the hospital for more than seven years, a victim of amnesia. He never had visitors. In fact, he didn’t have a name. He was known only as Mr. X. Was the paper interested in an article about him?

Of course it was. The editors told Ligon they’d print whatever she could send them.

When she got back to Mississippi, she set about interviewing Mr. X. As she later told a colleague, “He had on overalls, furnished by the state, but the moment he came into my presence I knew that he was ‘somebody,’ a gentleman of refinement and culture.” She either took photos of him herself or had them taken. They showed Mr. X engaged in various activities: playing cards with one of the hospital attendants, reading in an Adirondack chair, working in the greenhouse. He stood about five feet seven inches and was so slender, his clothes seemed to hang from his shoulders. He had a prominent brow that cast a shadow over his deep-set eyes.

Ligon interviewed various hospital officials about Mr. X’s case. She wrote “cutlines,” or captions, for the photographs of him, based on what she learned. She also obtained a sample of Mr. X’s handwriting. Eventually she bundled all the materials together and sent them off to Memphis.

On Sunday, December 4, 1938, the words “Who Is Mr. X?” were splashed across a page of the Commercial Appeal. “Growing deeper, more impenetrable every year is the baffling mystery of Mississippi’s strange ‘Mr. X,’ the ‘man who lost himself,’” the paper declared. “‘Mr. X’ is lost in the gray haze of amnesia. Seven and a half years of almost constant search and inquiry have failed to reveal even the slightest trace that might lead to his identity.”

This was laying it on a bit thick. Certainly, there had been efforts prior to 1938 to uncover Mr. X’s identity. He underwent hypnosis, for example, to no avail. In 1934, he was driven to the local police station, where he had photographs and fingerprints taken. The police even made a record of his Bertillon measurements, a system of identification based on one’s physical dimensions, such as the length of the middle finger and the circumference of the head. These were filed with federal authorities and sent to police across the South. Various law enforcement officials investigated a flurry of leads, but none of them panned out. After a few months of interest, the case was more or less forgotten.

The Commercial Appeal feature explained how Mr. X had been found in Jackson with no memory of his life before. The captions on the photographs enumerated the few clues to his identity that doctors had been able to glean: His intelligence and rich vocabulary. His familiarity with financial statements. His sophisticated understanding of card games. His extensive knowledge of plants and flowers.

The Appeal also printed the handwriting sample Ligon furnished. On Mississippi State Hospital stationery, Mr. X had written:

While this is a beautiful place, and life here is not without its compensations, and I sincerely appreciate the kindness of Dr. Mitchell and everyone connected with the institution, I would so much like to know if I have friends or family somewhere—and it would indeed be a glorious “Christmas” day for me if I could sign myself something instead of—

                                                                        X—

The article concluded with a simple plea: “Do you know him?”

It was the sort of thing the public was hungry for. The stuff of radio melodrama and matinee movies. The kind of story a writer stumbles upon only a handful of times, if ever.

When I discovered the chapter about Mr. X in Ligon’s life story, I was sucked in by the obvious drama. Amnesia! Mystery! A quest for truth! And at the center of it all, my spirit ancestor. Like me, Ligon had been a writer. She had defied convention. She had built a life for herself outside of the models she was offered. She was everything I aspired to be.

But she was also a mess. For all her accomplishments, Ligon’s life was peppered with dark episodes and grave failures. By the late 1930s, her road-tripping-with-Roosevelt days were behind her. Earlene had moved to Washington, D.C., to work for the government, and though Ligon initially followed her, she soon returned to Mississippi, alone. She lost her father and a sister in quick succession. The advertising business was pinched by the Great Depression, and freelance jobs were hard to find. She went from living in a suite at the Robert E. Lee Hotel to renting a room at her cousin’s shabby boardinghouse. In March 1938, she was arrested for public drunkenness.

My grandmother had told me that Ligon was the type of alcoholic prone to occasional benders lasting weeks. “Then someone would have to go and rescue her,” she said. In the fifty-odd years of her working life, Ligon rarely held a job for more than two. She may merely have been restless, but chances are she was fired a lot. In an archive, I found some correspondence between Ligon and her supervisor in the Federal Writers’ Project. Among story ideas and a draft of an article about a small-town dairy show were letters in which she made excuses for her erratic work hours, apologized for rough copy and missed deadlines, and complained about the requirement of submitting accurate time sheets. She was sick, she had a headache, the heat and exhaustion had her laid up in bed. Reading these letters I cringed, wondering at the truth.

I imagined that the job at Whitfield was a life raft. It wasn’t just a steady paycheck; it came with room and board. Ligon could structure a new life around the role if she wanted. The hospital offered her a chance to regroup, just as it did for patients like Mr. X.

Ligon’s encounter with the mystery man let me think of her as a heroine, the person I needed her to be. It seemed like an instance when she did something truly decent—no excuses, no apologies. Her peripatetic career had prepared her for this moment. She knew the right people and had the right experience. She could do more than promote Mississippi agriculture and Whitfield’s lovely campus. If she succeeded, she could help restore a man’s life.

Soon after the newspaper story about Mr. X was published, someone alerted the national radio program We the People. “And then,” Ligon later told a colleague, “things began to pop.”

We the People was a human-interest variety show hosted by Gabriel Heatter, who later became famous for the catchphrase “There’s good news tonight,” which he used on air during World War II. The show was broadcast from New York over the CBS radio network. Airing at 9 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday nights, the half-hour program had a reputation for hosting oddball characters, minor celebrities, and ordinary Americans with tales of saccharine sentimentality. Now it wanted Mr. X to be a guest.

Ligon arranged for Mr. X and a hospital attendant to make the journey to New York City by train. They stayed at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, near the CBS studios. On Tuesday, January 17, 1939, Heatter introduced the story of Mr. X to a national audience with what Time magazine described as “a foggy sob in his voice.” Radio actors staged a fictional account of Mr. X’s arrival at the state hospital. Here’s how the transcript appears in a 1947 book about radio journalism, entitled News on the Air:

Heatter. On the afternoon of June 25, 1931… to a hospital in Jackson, Mississippi… police brought a well-dressed man who had collapsed on a city street. For weeks he lay in a coma… hovering between life and death. Then one morning the patient regained consciousness, and Dr. Hunt of the hospital staff stood at his bedside… happy to see his patient coming back to life…

Doctor (cheerful). Well… you’re feeling better this morning, aren’t you!

Man (weakly). Yes… doctor.

Doctor. That’s fine… Well, now, the first thing I’d like to know is your name. You see, there was no identification in your clothes. We’d like to get in touch with your relatives. Let them know you’re all right.

Man. My name? Why, yes… it’s… er… (disturbed) Why… I… I…

Doctor. What is it? Is there something wrong?

Man (struggling). Doctor… that’s funny… I… I can’t seem to remember. But… I know where I live. My address is… it’s…

Doctor. Yes?

Man (it hits him). Doctor… I can’t remember that either.

Doctor (concerned). There, there, now take it easy. You’re… you’re sure you can’t remember?

Man (terrified). No… doctor. I can’t remember. But I must know my name! My name is… it’s… it’s… No, doctor, I can’t remember! I can’t remember anything!

After this prologue, Heatter introduced Mr. X and invited him to speak directly to the American people. Based on the show’s reputation for theatrics and the wording of Mr. X’s monologue, it’s unlikely that he was speaking off the cuff. In a quivering voice, he recounted the basics of his situation—that he was found in Jackson and had lived at the state hospital ever since. He also revealed a few new traces of the life he’d once led:

Gradually, I have recalled several places where I have been … but I do not know when or with whom. I remember best Pensacola, Florida. I remember a man there who took me to the Osceola Club. He used to have a special brand of cigars, and I used to joke with him about it. My doctors have checked my description of Pensacola and have decided I was there about thirty years ago. I remember distinctly playing cards with some friends … a druggist and his wife … but I cannot recall their names.

He appealed to the listening public to help him find his family. “I do not want to die nameless and alone,” Mr. X said.

Heatter’s voice concluded the segment with customary mawkishness: “Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any clue to the identity of Mr. X, no matter how insignificant it may seem, We the People asks that you let us know at once—please.”

Almost immediately, the calls and letters began pouring in.

By 1938, the federal unemployment rate had improved since its staggering 24.9 percent peak in 1933, but it was still a dismal 19 percent. And even before the stock market crash, the South had struggled with tumbling prices of commodity crops. Millions of people were unemployed, or were scraping by doing odd jobs and subsistence farming. Men from rural communities went to cities in search of work, only to find that there was none. Vagrants became the subject of much hand-wringing in the editorial pages of Jackson’s Clarion-Ledger—a local judge was quoted as telling some men who appeared before his bench, “If you can’t find work at home, don’t come to Jackson, because if the people who know you can’t find anything for you to do, the people of Jackson certainly cannot.” Other men traveled farther afield, often by train; this was the era of hobos and tramps. Then there were those who simply disappeared—the ones who left home, never to be heard from again. If the calls and letters CBS received after airing the segment about Mr. X were any indicator, these men were legion.

Hope distorted becomes desperation: Even when the years of disappearance didn’t line up or the physical differences were drastic, people contacted CBS to suggest that their missing loved one was Mr. X. Early on, a promising prospect was James Andrew Phillips, a man from Memphis who was last seen in Jackson in 1931. Phillips’s brother boarded Mr. X’s train back from New York while it was stopped in Memphis, and the two men met in a Pullman car. But Mr. X didn’t have Phillips’s prominent scar or the correct shoe size, so the train continued on, and Mr. X returned to Whitfield.

By then, Ligon was hearing from families, too. All told, more than 5,000 letters and telegrams arrived at the hospital in a matter of weeks; Ligon had to deputize staff from other departments to go through them all. Soon there were credible leads, and hopeful wives and heartsick friends began arriving at Whitfield to meet Mr. X. The local papers kept the story front and center, providing updates on leads nearly every day. Could Mr. X be a missing North Carolina optometrist? What about the lumberman from Pennsylvania who’d disappeared on his way to a boxing match in Miami? But one by one, the possibilities were disproved.

Mr. X might have remained a mystery forever were it not for Gratton B. Conwill, a 42-year-old doctor in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Conwill grew up on a farm in a place called Pinetucky and then lived in Birmingham as a young bachelor, working as a pipe fitter before attending medical school. In Birmingham, he befriended an insurance salesman about thirty years his senior. On paper they didn’t have much in common, but the older man had also once lived in Pinetucky; he, too, had grown up on a farm and left to build a career. The men shared a love of cards, particularly bridge. Conwill’s friend had often traveled for work, but at the onset of the Depression he’d lost his job. He moved in with a nephew and his wife, also friends of Conwill’s, and Conwill attended bridge parties at their home. At some point, the man left Birmingham in search of opportunities elsewhere, and Conwill lost track of him.

The night of the We the People broadcast, Conwill was in a hospital bed in Tuscaloosa; the previous week, he and his brother Clyde had been in a car wreck. Conwill thought he recognized the voice crackling through the radio: Mr. X sounded like his old friend the insurance salesman. All the facts lined up, from the timeline of the man’s story to his personal interests. Because he was recuperating, Conwill wasn’t immediately able to get in touch with his friend’s nephew to share his theory. In the interim, Time published an article about the We the People segment and included a picture of Mr. X. When Conwill saw it, his conviction was absolute.

Eventually, Conwill was released from the hospital and contacted the man’s nephew, who hadn’t heard the broadcast or read the articles about Mr. X. Based on Conwill’s information, the nephew got hold of the Time piece and the Commercial Appeal pictorial. He showed them to his aunt, Mrs. J. P. Haley of Marion, Alabama. She immediately recognized Mr. X as her brother, who’d been missing since 1931.

When Mrs. Haley and another brother, Ben Lawrence, arrived at Whitfield for a visit, they seemed like one more family in a parade of hopefuls. Ligon and the doctor in charge of Mr. X’s care sat them down in a reception room and wearily told them not to get their hopes up. But when Mr. X was led into the room, Mrs. Haley burst into tears. Ben Lawrence leaped to his feet. “Will!” they both cried out.

But Mr. X didn’t recognize them.

Mrs. Haley pulled out a family photograph, a group shot of her and seven of her brothers, taken at a family reunion in 1929. She pointed to herself seated in the front row, and to Ben seated to her right. Immediately to her left was a man with a thin, angular face. Mr. X examined the photograph. “That looks like me all right,” he admitted.

It was an extraordinary likeness, that much was clear. There was another piece of information suggesting that the visitors had found their missing loved one: the belt buckle Mr. X was wearing when he was picked up by police in Jackson, the one bearing the letter L. Apparently, it stood for Lawrence.

Still, Mr. X had no recollection of the people who claimed to be his kin. And what good was it to have a name or be reunited with family if he couldn’t remember them?

At that point, Mr. X was given sodium amytal, a strong barbiturate that put him in a kind of twilit, semiconscious state. Doctors at the time considered the drug a truth serum, though this notion has since been discredited. (A person might share information under the drug’s influence, but there’s no guarantee of its veracity—indeed, sodium amytal is a possible means of manipulation if, say, police want to coax a false confession out of a suspect.) While he was sedated, doctors fed Mr. X pieces of information supplied by Mrs. Haley and Ben Lawrence. They thought that, if he heard his mother’s name, his birthdate, the name of his hometown, it might free the decades’ worth of memories that had become trapped in the recesses of his brain. The doctors said they hadn’t been able to try the treatment before, because it relied on Mr. X’s unconscious mind recognizing details from his life—details only loved ones could provide.

The treatment seemed to work. While under the influence of sodium amytal, he recalled various details of his identity, including, finally, his name. Mr. X acknowledged that he was William Henry Lawrence.

His siblings were overjoyed, but Ligon and the doctors braced themselves. They didn’t know how he’d react when he woke up. Would his amnesia return? Or would he pick up where his memory had left off back in 1931, with no memory of the eight intervening years at the hospital? The Whitfield staff had grown fond of Mr. X. They didn’t wish to be forgotten.

Initially, everything was strange to him. But as his delirium faded, he slowly remembered where he was and how he had come to be there. He still wasn’t quite clear on who his siblings were—Ligon later said he didn’t recognize them right away, but that he “kept accepting them a little bit more every few minutes, until finally he was overcome with emotion.”

The man remembered both of his identities: William Henry Lawrence, insurance salesman, and Mr. X, beloved hospital resident. It seemed like a complete cure.

A few days later, Will Lawrence was discharged into the care of his relatives. He went home with his sister, and the following week he appeared on We the People again, this time from a studio in Birmingham. Mrs. Haley joined him, and she recalled the events leading up to her brother’s disappearance. A listener twisting the dial at home might have thought they’d tuned in to a radio play instead of a news program:

My brother Will was a single man, a traveling insurance salesman. He was often away from home for months at a time. On May 24, 1931, he left to go on one of his trips. During the first few months we got several letters. The last one was postmarked Jackson, Mississippi. In it, Will said he was leaving Jackson. He did not say where he was going. We did not hear from him again. At first we didn’t worry, because Will had always been a poor letter writer. But as months passed without a word, our alarm grew…. Will had apparently vanished from the face of the earth. Month after month we prayed, hoped we would hear something, anything that would give us a clue. But after a year and a half, we had to admit what seemed to be the terrible truth: Will was dead. Eight years passed. Time helped to soften our grief… a little.

She went on to describe being told of the first We the People broadcast and seeing the pictures of Mr. X in the media, of rushing to the hospital and being elated when she saw her brother. Then Will Lawrence spoke:

Four weeks ago when I spoke on We the People, I was a lonely unhappy old man. My life stretched ahead of me, a long, weary road. And I believed that broadcast was my last chance to find out who I was. Tonight my happiness is complete.

It was the ultimate feel-good story: a man down on his luck, torn from the warmth of hearth and home, who thanks to the generosity of the American people, the power of the media, and the abiding faith of family and friends, was restored to the warm embrace of his loved ones. It was the version of events people wanted to believe—even if it wasn’t exactly true.

The man remembered both of his identities: William Henry Lawrence, insurance salesman, and Mr. X, beloved hospital resident. It seemed like a complete cure.

As I researched the story of Mr. X, I was struck by the resonances between Will Lawrence’s life and Ligon’s. They were two single people without children making their way in the world. They were both professionals in the urban South, but obliged to rely on their families—brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces—when times were tough. Their paths ran parallel to such a degree that they may well have brushed shoulders before Will lost his memory. His uncle lived in the same small town in Mississippi where Ligon’s mother grew up. Both Ligon and Will sold insurance in Birmingham. And when my grandmother celebrated her 13th birthday with Ligon and Earlene at the Robert E. Lee Hotel in April 1931, they were just a few blocks away from where Will was found one month later.

I decided to write a novel about Mr. X and Ligon, two lonely souls who meet in a mental hospital and change one another’s lives. Whatever rough edges or narrative gaps there were, I used my imagination to patch over them—for example, I had Ligon travel to New York with Mr. X for the radio segment, so she could witness the recording firsthand. I wrote about friendship and healing and finding yourself in the unlikeliest places. Almost a year to the day after I found the notebook where I’d first transcribed my grandmother’s memories, I typed “The end.”

But soon I realized it wasn’t.

My fictional version contained only bits of the truth, and the questions that remained gnawed at me. In the real story, no one seemed to know—or cared to know—why Mr. X lost his memory in the first place, what sickness, accident, or whim of fate had taken it from him. Nor did anyone question the rosy depiction of his family. I pursued the unknowns, the shades of gray, and found that the Lawrences, like all families, were more complicated than they appeared. Beneath the surface lurked a history of tragedy. There was more to come.

The media heralded Mr. X’s reunion with his family as nothing short of a miracle. “What is left of my life I shall spend rich in their love,” Will read from his script on We the People. But that’s not how things turned out for him.

Not at all. 

William Henry Lawrence was born May 24, 1868. He was one of 15 children, 12 of whom survived to adulthood. He was a middle child, with five elder and six younger siblings. His father was a farmer and a physician, and the family moved to Pinetucky when Will was a teenager. His father wrote dispatches about rural life that were published in the newspaper in Marion, the county seat. The lively accounts paint a picture of a large, close-knit family. In between reports on the peanut harvest and the weather are stories of rolling back parlor rugs for an evening of dancing, of grandchildren playing in the summer sun, of teenage boys returning triumphant from hunting trips.

Soon after Dr. Lawrence’s death in 1892, his widow, Louise, and the children who were still at home, including Will, moved to nearby Plantersville. Louise bought a farm, and several of her grown sons helped her run it. The 1900 census shows Louise as head of household and her profession as farmer. Her sons Samuel, Will, Charlie, Oscar, and Benjamin are listed as laborers. Will was 32.

By then the Lawrences had encountered their share of misfortune. In addition to Dr. Lawrence’s passing, Martha, the eldest sibling, had died in 1879, at the age of 25, of what doctors called “womb disease.” She left behind a husband and four children. In 1889, John, one of Will’s brothers, was murdered when he interrupted a burglary at the shop where he worked in Montevallo, Alabama. It was 2:30 in the morning, and John, who was 24, suffered a gunshot through the heart, which killed him instantly. His assailants fled the scene. A group of outraged white citizens searched the area, and two black men were rounded up. Before they could be questioned by authorities, the mob hung them from a tree. The event is known as the Montevallo lynching. A historical marker was installed in 2020 to memorialize the horrific event. It describes what occurred but says little about the victims. “Their names,” the marker reads, “are unknown.”

In 1905, Will’s younger brother Walter was put on trial for the murder of his employer, Harris Beiman. In addition to working in Beiman’s dry goods store, Walter boarded at his house. Walter admitted to shooting Beiman, but he claimed it was an accident. Eyewitnesses, however, recalled the dying man saying to Walter, “You shot me! I know you want to marry my wife!” Walter was found not guilty, and he returned to his position at the store, which Beiman’s widow had taken over. They soon married, and Walter began running the business.

The same year as the murder trial, Will’s younger sister Effie died from an unknown health problem that required several surgeries, the last of which she never recovered from. She was in her early twenties and had been married for only a year. In 1909, Clay Lawrence, the four-year-old son of Will’s brother Dawson, shot and killed his nurse while playing with a parlor rifle. Several more Lawrence siblings lost children or spouses before their time. Fannie, also known as Mrs. J. P. Haley, the woman who eventually identified Will at Whitfield, lost a two-year-old daughter. Sam, the eldest Lawrence brother, became a widower at 41 and never remarried. And a niece, Minnie Thompson, died by suicide in 1922.

When Will went missing in 1931, it may have seemed like just one more dreadful event in the family’s catalog of woe. Still, Fannie told We the People that Will’s relatives had tried everything they could think of to find him. “We notified police and missing persons bureaus,” she said on the air. “Every possible agency joined in the search.”

I considered how this search might have unfolded, logistically speaking. Prior to Will’s disappearance, he was living with George, his nephew, in Birmingham. George’s house, where Gratton B. Conwill played bridge with Will and other friends, was a modest single-story Craftsman bungalow with a poured-concrete porch. George and his wife, Ethel, didn’t have any children; nevertheless, the three-bedroom, 1,800-square-foot house was full—in addition to Will, two other boarders lived there. In April 1930, when a census taker came to the door, Will was unemployed. Sometime between then and May 1931, he decided to leave Birmingham. Reports from family members varied, but he may first have gone to Atlanta and then to Monroe, Louisiana. The last anyone heard from him was a letter he wrote to Ethel in which he said that he was going to Jackson. (On We the People, Fannie said that the letter was postmarked Jackson, and that Will wrote of leaving the city—both errors on Fannie’s part, or whoever wrote the segment’s script.)

If the family had notified the authorities about Will’s disappearance, it would have made sense to start in Jackson. In that case, the city’s police department would have been among the Lawrences’ first calls—the same department that had detained Mr. X and put him in the state hospital, and that eventually took his fingerprints and photographs to file with federal authorities. If those materials were subsequently distributed to police departments across the South, as newspapers later reported that they were, it’s possible they made it to West Palm Beach, Florida, where the sheriff at the time was William Hiram “Hi” Lawrence—Will’s nephew, who was named after him.

Why, then, had Will’s family been unable to find him?

A series of missed connections might explain it. The 1930s were a time of immense national precariousness, with economic conditions breaking families apart and hardship consuming many people’s mental resources. It was also well before the advent of technologies—Google and cell phones, for instance—that today allow the average person to track someone down. Perhaps the Lawrence family spoke to police officers in Jackson who happened to have no knowledge of Mr. X, or had forgotten about him. Maybe Sheriff Hi Lawrence didn’t see the identifying information about Mr. X that circulated among law enforcement. Indeed, it’s possible that outsiders had to get involved for Will Lawrence to be identified—that Ligon Smith Forbes had to put his story in the press, that Gabriel Heatter had to interview him on the radio, that Gratton B. Conwill had to recognize his voice.

But there’s another possibility: that what Fannie said on the radio wasn’t true. What if Will’s family didn’t try very hard to find him, or for very long? What if they didn’t search for him at all?

When Will went missing in 1931, it may have seemed like just one more dreadful event in the family’s catalog of woe.

Amnesia is a complicated thing. Memories are formed and stored across various parts of the brain, but of particular importance is the hippocampus, a seahorse-shaped section situated deep in the temporal lobe. The hippocampus is crucial to the formation of long-term memories. From a physiological perspective, anything that impairs the functioning of this region can affect memory, and the results can be either temporary or permanent. A temporary loss of memory might be caused by a traumatic brain injury, a stroke, or an infection such as encephalitis. As the brain heals, memories are gradually restored, a process that can take weeks or months. If there’s permanent damage, memories can be lost forever.

Diseases that affect memory, such as Alzheimer’s and dementia, are progressive. A person loses cognitive function, including short-term memory, over the course of many years. The effects generally cannot be undone. Similarly, Korsakoff’s syndrome, a memory disorder caused by alcoholism or dietary deficiencies, is chronic and rarely reversible. Like a stroke, Korsakoff’s is usually accompanied by other physical problems, such as diminished motor skills.

None of these causes of amnesia seem to fit Mr. X’s profile. From the moment he was found on the street in Jackson, he was able to form new memories and retrieve them without difficulty. He showed no signs of poor health. His memory loss didn’t worsen while at Whitfield.

Memory problems can also be psychological in origin. A stressful event can trigger what’s called a dissociative fugue. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, the catalog of mental disorders used by psychiatric professionals, describes the phenomenon as “apparently purposeful travel or bewildered wandering that is associated with amnesia for identity or for other important autobiographical information.” But a fugue is usually a temporary problem, with the afflicted spontaneously “coming to” and finding themselves away from home, with no memory of how they got there.

The DSM-5 characterizes loss of autobiographical memory as “dissociative amnesia.” This is almost always localized—a person blocks memories from a certain period of time, usually triggered by psychological trauma. Generalized dissociative amnesia of the type Mr. X exhibited, encompassing a total loss of autobiographical memory, is extremely rare.

I spoke with Sonja Blum, the director of memory disorders and cognitive neurology at Marshfield Clinic Health System in Wisconsin. I described Mr. X’s case and asked how many like it that Blum had come across. She said that in twenty years of working in her field, she hadn’t seen or heard of one. She reiterated, for emphasis: “Never.”*

I contacted as many descendants of Will’s brothers and sisters as I could find, and a handful responded. Several of them, avid genealogists like myself, had come across newspaper clippings about Will’s amnesia, but they didn’t have any information besides what was on the internet. Only one remembered hearing stories of her Uncle Will as she was growing up. “I wondered if his amnesia might have been a fake,” she said, “and he was hiding from someone.”

This was an angle I hadn’t considered, that Will had disappeared on purpose. But the idea that he hid in the Mississippi State Hospital to evade someone conflicts with known facts—namely, Will letting law enforcement take his fingerprints and photograph, and his willing participation in the publicity campaign that led to his identification.

Still, that didn’t mean he wasn’t faking. There are other reasons a person might want to abandon their identity and live as though their memories didn’t exist.

Generalized dissociative amnesia of the type Mr. X exhibited, encompassing a total loss of autobiographical memory, is extremely rare.

In April 1939, two months after he was released into the care of his family, Mr. X returned to Whitfield for a visit. He said that he was homesick. He spent the day puttering around the greenhouse, playing cards with his old friends, and visiting the library. He met with Dr. Mitchell, the superintendent, and expressed his gratitude for the treatment he had received during his years at the hospital. “We certainly do miss you around here,” Dr. Mitchell reportedly told him. “But we are glad for your sake that you found your relatives.”

A month later, Will returned to the hospital for his 71st birthday. Since the date of his birth hadn’t been known before, it was the first time he was able to celebrate with his friends at Whitfield. Patients and staff, including Ligon, threw him a party. There was a dance, and the band played “Happy Birthday.” His family didn’t attend.

Decades later, I wanted to see the place that had meant so much to Mr. X. Though mental health paradigms have shifted away from institutionalization, the Mississippi State Hospital is still in operation. Its mission, according to its website, is “to help the individuals we serve achieve mental wellness by encouraging HOPE, promoting SAFETY, and supporting RECOVERY while utilizing RESOURCES efficiently.”

When I visited, a member of the staff kindly gave me a tour. The lobby of the administration building is grand and imposing, with a marble-inlaid floor, intricate crown moldings, and wooden cubbyholes—once the campus post office—nestled in a corner. In the basement of one building is a small museum chronicling Whitfield’s history. Group photos of employees line the walls. I searched for Ligon, but the faces were too small for me to identify her. I found her elsewhere: The rotogravure from the Commercial Appeal, the one about Whitfield that the paper published before it ran the story about Mr. X, was hanging in a frame. The headline read “Mending Broken Minds in Mississippi’s Modern Hospital.”

I wondered if that was what happened with Mr. X—if he was broken by the world and mended at Whitfield. Maybe he was hiding, but not from an enemy. Perhaps he was hiding from himself.

Here’s a theory.

What if, back in 1931, something happened to Will Lawrence that temporarily severed his connection to his past and his sense of self? A small stroke or a case of viral meningitis. A head injury. A dissociative fugue or memory loss from heavy drinking. Whatever happened, when he was found wandering Jackson, he either didn’t know who he was or didn’t want to say.

What if, as he recovered, he kept his memories to himself? Perhaps he felt no motivation to go back to his old life—unemployed and alone, with a family prone to calamity that couldn’t find him or possibly wasn’t trying. At Whitfield, life was pretty fine. He had friends, hobbies, meals, and medical care. As America staggered under the weight of economic catastrophe, he felt safe and loved. He might have felt he was better off as Mr. X.

If so, he remained exactly who he’d chosen to be until Ligon came along, eager to share his story. At that point, perhaps being the center of so much attention was worth the risk of being found. Besides, if his family showed up, Mr. X could always claim he didn’t know them. Surely Whitfield wouldn’t force him to leave with people he thought were strangers.

I put the question to Blum, the memory expert: Could Mr. X have been faking? “Sure,” she said. “Right up until the sodium amytal.” If he’d pretended not to recognize his relatives at first, Mr. X wouldn’t have been able to keep up the ruse when the drug altered his mental state and relaxed his inhibitions. After the sedation wore off, the jig would’ve been up. He’d have been Will Lawrence again, facing the brother and sister who’d finally come for him. He couldn’t have pretended to be a bewildered old man.

Whether he was faking or not, losing his place in the Whitfield community—going from permanent fixture to occasional guest—was surely a blow. Perhaps he wished to weave his two identities together, to be both Mr. X and Will Lawrence, but couldn’t find a way.

On my visit to Whitfield, I stood in the greenhouse and imagined him there, with his cuttings and flower pots. The space was overgrown and in disrepair. In fact, most of the buildings on the hospital’s campus had been decommissioned. Whitfield served only a few hundred patients now.

Will Lawrence couldn’t go back, and neither could I. The place he loved wasn’t there anymore.

As America staggered under the weight of economic catastrophe, he felt safe and loved. He might have felt he was better off as Mr. X.

In the end, Ligon was forced to leave Whitfield behind, too. Over the superintendent’s protests, in 1940, the new governor of Mississippi replaced a number of hospital personnel with appointees. Ligon moved in with the family of her sister Kitty, my great-grandmother, in a small town. She worked for the Federal Writers’ Project for a time, reporting on agricultural fairs and the local Choctaw community. Eventually, she wound up in Mobile, Alabama.

She died there in January 1949, of kidney failure. Her death certificate contains so many errors that it’s clear no one in Mobile knew her well. Her remains were transported home by train—just like Will Lawrence’s were a few months later.

After his 71st birthday party, the threads of Will’s life become hard to follow. At the time of the 1940 census, he was living with his brother Oscar. His employment status was “unable to work.” In February 1947, he was listed in his brother Walter’s obituary as a surviving sibling. But in September 1948, when his brother Sam died, Will wasn’t listed. Fannie later said that the family lost track of him. When they found him again, it was only thanks to his fingerprints.

It’s impossible to know what brought Will to Baton Rouge—the promise of work? a friend’s invitation? aimless itinerancy?—but that’s where he was in May 1949, when he was struck by a freight train. It happened on the railroad tracks that hug the eastern bank of the Mississippi River in the city’s downtown. The train was reportedly moving slowly, as trains do when passing through population centers. Will was decapitated.

Police were unable to identify him at first. No documents were found on his body. “I don’t want to die nameless and alone”—that was what Mr. X had said on the radio in 1939. It might have happened if police hadn’t taken time to check his fingerprints, found a match on file from his time at Whitfield, and notified his family in Alabama.

More than 70 years later, I stood on the tracks in Baton Rouge on a bright May day, trying to picture the scene as Will would have seen it. The casino just up the riverbank wouldn’t have been there, but the state capitol would; completed in 1931, the gleaming limestone tower is located close to the tracks. If Will had joined the ranks of unemployed men traveling by freight train, this would have been an odd place to jump out of a car or try to board one. The proximity to the capitol meant that police were likely in the area, and homeless men were easy targets for harassment.

Other questions fleeted through my mind: Why didn’t Will get out of the way? Surely he sensed the train coming—the thunderous sound, the ground trembling beneath his feet. Even at a crawl, a locomotive is a mighty force. But also: How does a slow-moving train decapitate someone, unless they’re already lying on the ground? Maybe Will fell on the tracks, hit his head, couldn’t get up. A tragic accident.

Unless.

Unless the train did exactly what he wanted it to.

Why didn’t Will get out of the way? Surely he sensed the train coming—the thunderous sound, the ground trembling beneath his feet.

Death is where the parallels in Will’s and Ligon’s stories—what inspired me to write about them in the first place—diverge most sharply. Not because of how they died, but because of how they were remembered.

Ligon’s family came from all over Mississippi for her funeral. The pallbearers were direct relations: nephews and cousins. She was buried in Roseland Park Cemetery, in Hattiesburg, next to her sister and her father. Today their headstones sit under a sprawling oak tree: polished stone carved with capital letters in the same crisp serifed font. Stories of Ligon’s life became her legacy, kept her vibrant.

Will was laid to rest in a place called Plantersville, located in the rolling landscape between Birmingham and Selma, where farmland is fringed with longleaf pine, cedar, and hickory trees. Plantersville is scarcely a town; a mini-mart, a high school, and a couple of churches are the only evidence you’ve arrived. The cemetery sits next to a field of grazing cows.

I almost missed Will’s headstone. It was made of concrete and looked like a piece of broken curbstone or a cast-off block. The surface had deteriorated over the years, blurring the letters “W H Lawrence.” The death date was an estimate, but likely accurate—authorities were sure of the day Will’s body was found, and that he hadn’t been dead long. More unsettling was the birth date. I knew when Will was born from various historical documents, including the press write-up about his birthday celebration at Whitfield. But the stone said May 27, 1873. Whoever commissioned it was off by five years and three days.

Nearby cows raised their heads at my presence, then lowered them again. It was a beautiful day, and quiet. I stood in the stillness, irrationally angry at the error before me, chiseled into stone. Didn’t anyone love him enough to remember the basic facts of his life?

Perhaps Will’s full story isn’t mine—or anyone’s—to know. Not now, ninety years after he first appeared on a street in Jackson. Maybe it was never knowable, because he didn’t want it to be. Like a mathematical function that tends toward a limit, it’s possible to approach the truth, but never to touch it.

Still.

Awareness of what we can’t see is a kind of knowledge—a sense of the space between what we comprehend and never will, between the facts of history and the fiction of it, between verity and meaning. And when we are gone, who are we except the knowledge of us that other people hold? We are seeds of memory, to be scattered and nourished, lest we be lost forever.

My grandmother entrusted me with her memories of her aunt, and for years they lay neglected in a spiral notebook. When I finally tended them, I revived not only my grandmother and Ligon, but also a stranger buried in Plantersville, Alabama. With time and attention, he unfurled, becoming familiar. So, too, did his shadows.

I knelt in the patchy grass of the cemetery and laid my palm on the rough face of the headstone. I paid my respects. Then I left Mr. X to his rest in the Alabama sunshine, carrying his memory with me.

*The language in this paragraph has been updated to more accurately reflect Blum’s assessment of the case.


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The Girl in the Picture

The Girl in the Picture

A sketch artist and a grieving mother set out to solve a cold case. The more they dug, the more terrifying the truth became.

The Atavist Magazine, No. 118


PART ONE

For most residents of Holland, Michigan, there was nothing remarkable about March 11, 1989, a Saturday. Frost on the ladders of the city’s water towers thawed in the sun—spring was just over a week away. Mothers poured milk over cereal for kids watching back-to-back episodes of their favorite cartoons. Fathers who worked weekends drove pickup trucks to industrial jobs at local automotive and concrete companies.

But all was not well in the house on the corner of Lincoln Road and 52nd Street. It belonged to Dennis and Brenda Bowman, a married couple with two children. For the Bowmans, March 11 marked the last time they saw their 14-year-old daughter, Aundria, alive.

Dennis was the one who contacted the police. He told them that he’d come home from his job as a wood machinist to find Aundria missing, along with some of her belongings and $100 from his dresser. Dennis described Aundria—whom he and Brenda had adopted when she was an infant—as a troubled teenager who frequently fought with her mother and had run away to a friend’s house once before.

Dennis agreed to call around to the homes of kids Aundria knew to find out if anyone had seen her. But his wife soon took over as the family’s point of contact. It was Brenda who called the police regularly, and Brenda who corrected the amount of cash missing from her husband’s dresser to $150. That was enough for police to issue a warrant for Aundria’s arrest for larceny; the warrant listed Dennis as the victim of his daughter’s alleged crime.

With no foul play suspected, the police labeled Aundria a runaway and passed her case along to the Youth Services Bureau. Few people who knew the Bowmans questioned the official narrative. Over the years, there had been whispers about the family. Once, when Aundria was in middle school, she boarded the school bus bleeding from her wrist. Some kids gossiped about a suicide attempt, but others said Aundria had cut herself trying to get back into her house after her parents locked her out. There were rumors that Dennis, a former Navy reservist with reddish-brown hair, a goatee, and wire-rimmed glasses, and Brenda, a portly woman with curled bangs who’d once worked at the jewelry counter at Meijer department store, abused Aundria. But back then, what happened behind closed doors was considered family business.

Fifteen months before Aundria disappeared, Brenda gave birth to a daughter, Vanessa. Aundria went from being an only child to more than a big sister—she was a third parent to the chubby, redheaded baby. While other kids her age went to afterschool clubs and Friday night football games, Aundria stayed home changing diapers and cleaning bottles. She kept a photo of her sister in a school folder, where other teens might stash a magazine cutout or a polaroid of their crush. When she wasn’t with Vanessa, Aundria was anxious about the baby’s well-being.

Many people in Holland assumed that Aundria had gotten so fed up with her home life that she finally split. Maybe she’d gone looking for her birth mother. People heard that she’d hitched a ride at a local truck stop, had left town with an older boy, or was pregnant.

Brenda reported a series of tips in the weeks and months following her daughter’s disappearance, all of which seemed to confirm that Aundria had run away. At the end of March, Brenda claimed Aundria had been spotted at a 7-Eleven. In mid-April, Brenda said she received an anonymous call from someone claiming that police were looking for the teenager in the right area, but on the wrong street—whatever that meant. In June, she reported a sighting at a local property, where Aundria had supposedly been hanging out with a group of young men. And in October, Brenda said a friend had seen Aundria, pregnant and with dyed hair, in a line at Meijer. Police investigated but found nothing.

Aundria’s classmates went to prom and graduated, then got jobs or headed to college. Eventually they married and had children of their own. But Aundria remained forever 14. A single photograph formed most people’s memory of her. It was given to police when she first vanished. In it, Aundria is sitting against a blue studio backdrop and looking just off camera, with her green eyes cast hopefully upward and pieces of her dark, shaggy hair hanging over her forehead. Her smile is charmingly off-balanced. She looks suspended between adolescence and adulthood.

Photos of missing children were often printed on the sides of milk cartons or on flyers taped to the top of pizza delivery boxes. Aundria’s picture wound up somewhere else. In 1993, the band Soul Asylum debuted a music video for its song “Runaway Train,” featuring the images and names of missing kids across America. The video was a huge hit, with several versions airing on MTV and VH1. In the one that played in Michigan, Aundria’s photo appears just after the two-minute mark.

Reflecting on the video 20 years after its release, director Tony Kaye claimed that more than two dozen missing children were found because of the video. Aundria Bowman wasn’t one of them.

Back then, what happened behind closed doors was considered family business.

Carl Koppelman never expected to solve mysteries. He worked as an accountant until 2009, when his mother’s health began to decline. At 46, Koppelman became a full-time caregiver, and his days, once filled with reviews of spreadsheets and financial statements, now revolved around driving to doctor’s appointments and administering medications. When he wasn’t tending to his mother, Koppelman was online, exploring message boards, news sites, and social media. At the time, the story dominating headlines, and bordering on popular obsession, was the return of Jaycee Dugard.

In 1991, Dugard had been kidnapped while walking to a bus stop near her home south of Lake Tahoe, California. The blond, freckled 11-year-old was the subject of a nationwide search, but eventually the case went cold. Then, on August 26, 2009, Dugard reappeared. For 18 years, convicted sex offender Philip Garrido and his wife, Nancy, had held her captive at their home in the town of Antioch, more than 150 miles from where they’d kidnapped her. Dugard had given birth to two of Garrido’s daughters, who were now 11 and 15. To the embarrassment of local authorities, parole officers had visited the Garridos’ home several times during the years Dugard was missing. They’d failed to check the backyard, where the young woman was kept in a network of tents, lean-tos, and sheds.

Koppelman’s interest in the Dugard case led him to Websleuths, a forum where crime hobbyists and armchair detectives connect and collaborate on unsolved cases. Koppelman gravitated to posts about cold cases, the ones least likely to ever be solved. Until recently, Dugard’s had been one of them. How many more would benefit from fresh eyes and a little persistence?

Koppelman spent countless hours scrolling through the national database of missing persons and unidentified bodies, known as NamUs. There’s overlap between the two main parts of the database, the disappeared and the deceased—the trick is finding it. During late nights at his computer, in a dimly lit corner of his mother’s suburban home in El Segundo, California, Koppelman would try to match the characteristics of people who had gone missing with those of the unidentified dead. Finding a likeness could be enough to generate a tip for law enforcement.

When Koppelman noticed that the age and condition of some bodies might make it difficult for loved ones to recognize them, it sparked an idea: Koppelman liked to draw portraits for fun, and he was pretty good at it. He also had a CD-ROM of the image-editing software CorelDRAW, which someone had given to him as a gift. One day, with his mother napping in the next room, Koppelman installed the program on his computer. It was his first step toward becoming a forensic sketch artist.

He started creating lifelike renderings of Jane and John Does based on photos taken postmortem. He used CorelDRAW to open eyes, fill in sunken cheeks, and give faces more dynamic expressions. In complicated cases, where bodies had decomposed, he re-created facial structure. The goal was to make the dead more recognizable—to loved ones searching for them, and to police trying to identify them. Once he finished a rendering Koppelman sent it to NamUs, and the database would sometimes publish it. He also posted his work on Websleuths so other armchair detectives could use it in their identification efforts.

Eventually, Koppelman began working with police departments and the DNA Doe Project, which identifies human remains through genetic testing and genealogical research. Glad to help law enforcement generate leads and, in some instances, put a name to a face, Koppelman was almost always an unpaid volunteer. His renderings were instrumental in solving several cold cases, including the identification of the Caledonia “Cali” Jane Doe (Tammy Jo Alexander) in 2015.

But before all that, in 2009, when he was just starting out as an amateur sleuth, Koppelman got interested in the case of the Racine County Jane Doe. When she was found near the edge of a Wisconsin cornfield in 1999, the young woman had only been dead about 12 hours, but rain had washed away any evidence that might have been useful to investigators. It seemed likely that the young woman had been murdered elsewhere and dumped. An autopsy determined that she may have been cognitively disabled, and that she had suffered long-term abuse and neglect: She had broken bones and a cauliflower ear, and her body showed signs of sexual assault. More than 50 people from the farming community where she was found attended her funeral. But no one knew her name or what had happened to her. Her gravestone read “Gone, But Not Forgotten”—a hope more than a description.

Koppelman read everything he could find about the Racine County Jane Doe, combing through news articles and social media. He learned that she had hazel-green eyes, two piercings in each ear, and short reddish-brown hair. She was five-foot-eight and 120 pounds, and estimated to be between 18 and 30 years old. She was found wearing a men’s gray and silver western-style shirt embroidered with red flowers—a design, the manufacturer told police, from the mid-1980s.

On NamUs, Koppelman plugged in some general search criteria—gender, age, location—and clicked through the results for missing persons. With each one, Koppelman asked himself, Could this be her? In most cases, the answer was a clear no. The age didn’t match, or the location made no sense. But one entry gave Koppelman pause: Aundria Bowman.

Aundria and the Racine County Jane Doe shared physical characteristics, and their ages aligned: Aundria would have been 25 in 1999, when the Jane Doe was killed. Holland, where Aundria disappeared, sits directly across Lake Michigan from where the Jane Doe was found—it’s just four hours by car from one location to the other, tracing the lake’s southern shoreline and passing through Chicago. To test the possible identification, Koppelman created a composite image, superimposing Aundria’s photo with ones from the Jane Doe’s autopsy. He marked the similarities in red.

Koppelman took his theory to law enforcement, who found it compelling enough to investigate. To determine whether the Jane Doe was Aundria, police would need to compare DNA from the body with that of someone in Aundria’s family. Because Aundria was adopted, authorities had to track down her birth mother. Koppelman knew that could take a while, or that it might never happen, forcing investigators to find other avenues for identification.

As the police did their part, Koppelman kept poking around online, learning what he could about Aundria. One day at the end of 2012, he came across a Classmates.com page for Aundria—the premium kind you have to pay to keep active, in order to connect directly with former school acquaintances. Was this Aundria, alive and well, and trying to find old friends? And if it wasn’t her, who was it?

No one knew her name or what had happened to her. Her gravestone read “Gone, But Not Forgotten”—a hope more than a description.

Cathy Terkanian’s life story seems ripped from the plot of a made-for-TV movie. Her mother, Shirley, had six children with three men. Terkanian’s stepfather was in the Navy, and the family moved seven times before she started the seventh grade. The stepfather was deployed for long stretches, and Terkanian’s mother was overwhelmed by the demands of taking care of so many kids, including one who had epilepsy. With no one looking after her, Terkanian was molested at the age of ten by the husband of one of her mother’s friends, then raped at twelve by a teenager. She knew she had to escape her existence, so she started to make a plan.

In 1972, Terkanian left Virginia, where her family was living at the time, with no clothes except what she was wearing and without saying goodbye. She was 14 and had no money. She hitchhiked to Tennessee, where she met up with a friend in Memphis, and then went to the city’s Greyhound bus station. She didn’t have a destination in mind, but noticed another traveler wearing colorful beads who mentioned a party down in New Orleans called Mardi Gras. The next day, Terkanian arrived in the Big Easy, where jazz music reverberated through the French Quarter and people laughed and sang jubilantly in the streets.

In the midst of the counterculture movement of the 1970s, Terkanian wasn’t the only runaway teen in New Orleans. She met a network of young people who helped each other out, offering a place to crash, a job, and tips and tricks for staying off the street. Through this group she met Randy Badger, a 19-year-old who’d recently hitchhiked to Louisiana from Los Angeles. Before long they found a place to stay and were doing everything together. They even got joint work at a circus sideshow. For the first time, Terkanian was living her life how she wanted to.

In December 1972, Terkanian and Badger traveled to South Carolina, where it was legal for a minor to get married if they had parental permission. Terkanian’s parents gave it gladly—in fact, they insisted on the union. Shirley didn’t want to be the person police called if her daughter was in trouble. Terkanian’s stepfather signed the necessary paperwork.

The couple were married less than a year when Terkanian found out she was pregnant. It was unexpected news, but also another step toward independence. Terkanian wanted to do better by her baby than her mother had done by her. On June 23, 1974, Terkanian gave birth to a healthy daughter. She named her Alexis, after the actress Alexis Smith.

Her relationship with Badger soon went downhill. While Terkanian balanced work with caring for Alexis, her husband seemed more interested in partying with friends, including other women. The final straw came when Alexis was five months old: Terkanian returned home from a shift to find Badger kissing another woman on the couch, while Alexis was alone in the back room, crying, without a diaper on. Terkanian decided to leave, but she had to think about Alexis, too. What would be best for her daughter? Terkanian resigned herself to what she considered her only option. She went home to Virginia.

During the five-day Greyhound ride, Alexis barely cried. Passengers complimented Terkanian, welcome encouragement for the now single teen mom. But whatever confidence Terkanian felt vanished when she arrived in Norfolk and her mother picked her up at the station. Shirley didn’t throw her arms around her daughter or plant kisses on Alexis’s plump cheeks. Instead, she looked the pair up and down and puckered her face in judgement.

It turned out that Shirley had been diagnosed with breast cancer and given just five years to live. Terkanian quickly realized that her mother expected her to care for her siblings. And while Shirley never said it outright, it was clear she didn’t think Terkanian should have a child of her own. One day, casually, Shirley said, “You ran out of formula. How are you gonna take care of this kid?” A seed was planted, and from it Terkanian’s doubt grew. She increasingly felt like she couldn’t give Alexis the life her daughter deserved.

Terkanian agreed to give her baby up for adoption. Shirley handled the logistics, assuring Terkanian that Alexis would be taken in by a good family through Catholic Charities. Shortly after the adoption was finalized, Terkanian left home again. This time, the teenager hoped, things would be different.

“You ran out of formula. How are you gonna take care of this kid?”

Terkanian eventually went to nursing school and met her current husband. They never started a family of their own. For more than 30 years, she didn’t have any idea what had become of her daughter. Terkanian, with blond hair and a confident smile, sometimes wondered if Alexis looked like her. She hoped her daughter was happy, and that Alexis’s adoptive parents knew how lucky they were.

Then, in April 2010, a letter arrived at Terkanian’s home in Massachusetts that upended her life. It was from a social worker, who explained that Alexis had disappeared from her adoptive home in Michigan in 1989. Police were investigating a new lead in the case—that Alexis might be a Jane Doe found in Wisconsin. A dead girl. Police needed a sample of Terkanian’s DNA to know for sure.

Terkanian was perplexed by how little information the letter provided. It didn’t include Alexis’s adoptive name or the city where she’d lived. Nor did it offer contact information for police or any details about Alexis’s disappearance when she was 14—the same age Terkanian had been when she ran away from home. Terkanian was willing to share her DNA, but she wanted to know more about what had happened to her daughter.

She searched online for information about missing girls in Michigan. It didn’t take long to find one from the town of Holland whose birthday and physical description matched Alexis’s. When she saw the girl’s school photo, Terkanian thought Aundria Bowman could be her daughter.

Eventually, Terkanian would learn that, as a baby, Alexis had wound up in the hands of Virginia’s Department of Social Services. Someone, possibly Shirley, had reported that Alexis was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, and that Terkanian had taken LSD during the pregnancy—both lies, Terkanian insisted. The life she’d imagined Alexis would have crumbled in her mind. Desperate to know the truth, Terkanian set up a Facebook page about Aundria’s disappearance, as well as a Classmates.com account in Aundria’s name. She was hoping to connect with her daughter’s old friends. Instead, she found Carl Koppelman.

Terkanian and Koppelman began exchanging messages, which led to a series of long phone conversations. Terkanian also met other online sleuths interested in Aundria’s case, including a woman in New Jersey named Sue Kovacs, who helped Terkanian revamp the Find Aundria Facebook page and expand its reach. Everyone waited for the results of Terkanian’s DNA test, to see if there was a match with the Racine County Jane Doe.

But for the people invested in the case, determining whether Aundria’s body had been found was just one piece of the puzzle. If Aundria was indeed dead, how had it happened? If she’d been killed, who was responsible? Terkanian got in touch with a retired Michigan detective familiar with Aundria’s case, a man named Pat O’Reilly. His frankness surprised her. “They botched this case from the beginning,” Terkanian remembered him saying. (O’Reilly didn’t respond to an interview request.)

According to O’Reilly, the person Terkanian needed to be looking at was Aundria’s adoptive father, Dennis Bowman.

PART TWO

On a sunny morning in May 1980, a 19-year-old woman was riding her bike north of Holland, Michigan, when a motorcyclist forced her off the road. The man told her to get off her bike and walk into the woods. The young woman didn’t move. All she needed was a moment—to think, to distract him, to do something. The man pulled out a gun, fired a shot past her, and repeated the order. Still she didn’t budge. The man fired the gun again, this time at the ground near her feet. He said he would shoot her next.

Just then a car drove by and the motorcyclist turned his head at the noise. The young woman took the opportunity to pedal away as fast as she could. The man didn’t shoot or give chase, and she was able to flag down someone in a pickup truck who drove her home. Her parents called the police, and the young woman provided a description of the suspect: a white male with tinted glasses and a blue helmet. His motorcycle, she said, had a black top case mounted on the back.

By the end of the day, the police had detained a suspect. The young woman took one look at him and confirmed that he was the man who’d tried to attack her. It was Dennis Bowman, who by then was already a husband and father. At the time, Aundria was almost six years old.

Dennis was convicted of assault with intent to commit criminal sexual conduct and sentenced to five to ten years in prison. He was referred for psychological counseling, and a judge determined that he would likely pose a danger to women if he went free. Still, Dennis served the minimum sentence.

Brenda stood by her husband then, and she did so again in 1998. One day that year, a state trooper in Dorr, Michigan, responded to an alarm at the mobile home of 28-year-old Vicki Vanden Brink. She’d reported so many break-ins that the sheriff’s department had installed a security system. When the trooper arrived at the scene, he found Dennis Bowman walking away from the back door. The Bowmans had moved to Hamilton, a town nestled between Holland and Dorr, in 1989, shortly after Aundria’s disappearance, and Dennis told the officer that he was temporarily staying with Vanden Brink, who was a former co-worker of his. He was let go, but when authorities got in touch with Vanden Brink, who wasn’t home when the alarm went off, she said Dennis was lying.

Dennis then changed his story, telling law enforcement that he’d entered the trailer to use the bathroom. He’d been there at least once before, he claimed, when his daughter Vanessa wanted to sell Girl Scout cookies to Vanden Brink. Skeptical, the police obtained Dennis’s permission to search his property. In the loft of an outbuilding, they found a black duffel bag containing lingerie that was later identified as Vanden Brink’s, as well as a short-barreled shotgun, a black sweatshirt, and a mask.

Dennis pled guilty to one count of breaking and entering. His sentencing memo, written by his attorney, doesn’t mention his 1980 conviction or the prior break-ins that Vanden Brink had reported, which police believed Dennis was responsible for. Dennis’s lawyer presented letters written on his client’s behalf by various people: the counselor who ran Dennis’s sex offender group-treatment program, the principal of Vanessa’s elementary school, Dennis’s boss, and a congregant at Christ Memorial Church, who noted that Dennis had taught Sunday School to kindergartners for the past six years. The court also received a letter from Brenda, who defended her husband, and from Dennis himself, who wrote of his behavior, “Sometimes we don’t realize a problem until it confronts us face to face.”

Dennis described himself as happily married for 28 years. He said that he had two daughters, one 25 and the other 11. He didn’t mention that the older one had been missing for more than a decade. 

Cathy Terkanian learned the details of Dennis Bowman’s criminal record after submitting a Freedom of Information Act request. Based on what detective Pat O’Reilly had told her, it had seemed logical to dig into Bowman’s past. Reading for the first time about what Bowman had done to two young women, Terkanian felt a terrible certainty: “When I got his FOIA records I said, ‘Oh, this man killed my daughter.’”

If Terkanian was right, it would mean that the Racine County Jane Doe wasn’t Aundria—that theory made sense only if Aundria were still alive ten years after she disappeared. In 2013, the long-awaited DNA results confirmed it: Terkanian wasn’t related to the Jane Doe. She and Koppelman, along with the other amateur sleuths interested in Aundria’s story, had thought they were connecting the dots in a single cold case when all along they’d been looking at two.

Koppelman and Terkanian were equally yet uniquely obsessive in their approach to detective work: He was thorough and precise, while she was impassioned and incendiary. As Koppelman calculated the next steps in their investigation, Terkanian was too angry to keep silent. The way she saw it, Bowman needed to be behind bars. With his criminal record in hand, she began writing Facebook posts accusing Bowman of being responsible for Aundria’s disappearance. She also assembled a rolodex of people who’d known her daughter: Russ Foster, who briefly dated Aundria in high school; Linda Berens, the mother of a classmate; Eli Ramos, who rode the school bus with Aundria; and a couple named the Shaffers, who’d grown up with Dennis and Brenda in Muskegon, Michigan, and whose daughter, Mindi, remembered seeing Aundria in the “Runaway Train” video. Terkanian learned about Aundria’s difficult home life and her anxiety about caring for her baby sister.

In September 2013, Terkanian and Koppelman met in person at the Missing in Michigan conference. Organized by state police, the conference was designed to raise awareness about and hopefully generate leads in cold cases. Family members and friends of missing persons gathered one Sunday at the Eagle Eye Golf Club in East Lansing, their nervous whispers filling a banquet hall overlooking a green. The schedule included panels, support groups, and even DNA collection, so police could look for matches between families and unidentified remains. Terkanian and Koppelman showed up in custom shirts that read “Find Aundria Bowman.”

The day kicked off with an early-morning group therapy session. Terkanian and Koppelman took their seats in a large circle and listened as people introduced themselves. Koppelman scanned the room and was surprised when his eyes landed on familiar faces. He nudged Terkanian, and she looked over. “That’s Vanessa,” she said, “and that’s Brenda.

Brenda and Vanessa recognized Terkanian, too—the Bowmans were aware of what Terkanian had been saying about Dennis on Facebook. When it was Brenda’s turn to introduce herself, she told the room, “We have a little situation here.” Looking at Terkanian, she added, “I can see that you very much resemble Aundria.”

Brenda tried to keep talking, but Terkanian didn’t let her. She’d lain awake so many nights, furious that her daughter’s adoptive mother hadn’t protected her. “Tell them the truth, Brenda,” Terkanian blurted out. “Tell them about your husband.” The session descended into a dramatic exchange before finally getting back on track.

Afterward, Terkanian hung back as Koppelman approached Brenda, insisting that he only wanted to talk. Though flustered, Brenda seemed eager to explain her side of the story. She insisted that she and Dennis had fully cooperated with police after Aundria’s disappearance. She presented a binder full of notes and missing person fliers as proof. She recounted sightings of Aundria. It was clear she still believed that the teenager had run away. According to Koppelman, when he brought up Dennis’s criminal record, Brenda replied, “I haven’t forgotten what he did. But I do forgive him. I take my marriage vows very seriously.” Koppelman thought her words sounded rehearsed but not disingenuous.

Terkanian had been biting her tongue while Brenda and Koppelman spoke, but now she exploded. “Tell us how you abused, starved, and humiliated her, Brenda!” she yelled. Vanessa, reacting to the verbal attack on her mother, had to be held back by a male attendee. “You need to be put in a fucking insane asylum,” Koppelman remembered Vanessa saying to Terkanian. The Bowmans and Terkanian avoided each other for the rest of the day. (Brenda and Vanessa Bowman didn’t respond to interview requests.)

After the conference, Koppelman and Terkanian returned to their respective homes on the East and West Coasts, but they’d already decided they needed someone on the ground in Michigan—a private investigator to keep working Aundria’s case closer to where she’d gone missing. Terkanian hired Geoffrey Flohr, a former Michigan state trooper who’d helped solve a 1979 gang rape and murder that happened in Holland. Flohr soon managed to get his hands on Aundria’s police file, which Terkanian and Koppelman had never seen. Oddly, the earliest documents in it weren’t from March 1989, when Aundria disappeared—they were dated four months earlier.

That was when police responded to allegations of abuse in the Bowman home. The report didn’t go into detail about what happened, noting only that local authorities had determined the allegations weren’t true. But if one thing was consistent in Aundria’s case, it was carelessness. Koppelman and Terkanian were sure law enforcement had missed something. They went looking for people who could fill in the blanks.

The amateur sleuths had thought they were connecting the dots in a single cold case when all along they’d been looking at two.

Jennifer Jones became friends with Aundria in middle school band, where they both played in the wind section. They remained close during their freshman year of high school. One Tuesday afternoon, Aundria came home with Jones, but when it was time to leave, she said she didn’t want to go. According to Jones, Aundria said that her father was sexually abusing her. Jones’s mother let her stay the night, and the next day took her to the principal’s office, where Aundria repeated the accusation to school officials. Jones was sent to class and assured that the adults would handle the situation. Aundria wasn’t at school the rest of the day, and Jones assumed that she was in protective custody. Later she learned that Aundria had gone home with her parents.

Around the time Aundria confided in Jones and her mother, she also spoke to Arlene Rahn, another local mom. Aundria befriended Rahn’s sons through their church’s youth group and had started hanging out at their house; Rahn assumed Aundria had a crush on one of the boys. Eventually Aundria told Rahn that her father was abusing her. She also said that Brenda knew and didn’t care. Rahn was hesitant to get involved; she told Aundria to talk to her youth pastor. Then, one evening as Rahn pulled into the Bowmans’ driveway to drop Aundria off, Dennis appeared and told Rahn to stay out of his business. “It just made me so uncomfortable,” she later said. Rahn never reported the incident to authorities. Within a few months, Aundria was gone.

There were other red flags. The Shaffers—the couple who’d grown up with the Bowmans in Muskegon—knew about Dennis’s criminal record and recalled him bragging about sexual conquests as early as high school. They’d always felt uneasy about him, and they kept a watchful eye over their own daughter when he was around. The Shaffers ultimately ended their friendship with the Bowmans after Aundria went missing. When their daughter, Mindi, found the Facebook page for Aundria, she said her parents had never been contacted by the police about the case. In fact, it wasn’t until Koppelman and Terkanian connected with them on Facebook that the couple spoke to anyone about their suspicions. 

Facebook turned up another source, one who believed that Dennis Bowman’s criminal behavior had persisted between his convictions in 1980 and 1998. (At her request, The Atavist is using a pseudonym to protect the source’s privacy.) When Melissa found the Find Aundria page, she sent a message to the administrators describing what had happened to her on a bright September afternoon in 1989, when she was six. As she was walking to a friend’s house, she was flagged down by a man in a truck who promised to take her to see some puppies. He told her that her mother said it was OK and pulled Melissa into the cab. As he drove, the man stroked her face. Melissa’s stomach churned. “Is that it?” she asked again and again, pointing to each barn and turnoff they passed, hoping that was where the puppies would be.

Eventually, the driver pulled into a rural area near the town of Hamilton. The man parked the truck, grabbed Melissa by the neck, and dragged her into a thicket. He ripped off her blue sweater, printed with the words “Young at Heart,” and wrapped it around her mouth. He tied her hands behind her back with a length of rope and removed the rest of her clothes. Then, as the attacker knelt over Melissa and unzipped his pants, he startled at the sound of barking dogs nearby. The man ran off, leaving Melissa alone. She walked naked and barefoot to the main road. Two cars pulled over, and someone called 911.

The police visited Melissa’s home that night, and a sketch artist created a rendering of the perpetrator and his vehicle—a red pickup truck with a white cab. But a suspect was never found, the case went cold, and the statute of limitations eventually expired. As she got older, what bothered Melissa most was that the man who’d attacked her was still out there and could be hurting other girls. She kept tabs on local news articles, police statements, and social media posts, looking for any stories like hers. But it wasn’t until she stumbled upon the Find Aundria Facebook page that Melissa believed she could finally name the man who’d lured her into the truck: Dennis Bowman.

Terkanian and Koppelman were now convinced that Dennis Bowman was a serial predator who had killed Aundria and covered it up by claiming that she’d run away. “By 2016,” Terkanian said, “I was screaming from the tops of Facebook that he had my daughter buried in his backyard.” But any evidence remained circumstantial at best. There was no proof Aundria was dead, let alone murdered. And nothing tied Bowman to other unsolved criminal cases, including Melissa’s abduction.

Between 2013 and 2017, Terkanian and Koppelman met in Michigan four times. While there, they occasionally caught up with Chris Haverdink, the detective who’d taken over Aundria’s case. Usually, they met him on the patio of Googs Pub & Grub, a local haunt next to the Days Inn where Melissa worked and helped Terkanian and Koppelman get discounted rooms. Haverdink agreed that Bowman was suspicious, but that wasn’t enough to arrest him.

Terkanian and Koppelman visited Michigan for the last time in May 2017. It was becoming clear that they’d gotten as far as they could on their own; a break in the case would almost certainly have to come from law enforcement, a witness, or Bowman himself. Before flying home, Terkanian and Koppelman sat in their rental car outside the Bowmans’ house in Hamilton. After years of examining Google street maps and satellite images, Terkanian had zeroed in on a concrete slab at the back of the property. She was convinced Bowman had buried her daughter underneath it.

She stared at the house until the last possible minute, when Koppelman insisted they’d miss their flights if they didn’t leave. “She was just sitting there with these binoculars,” Koppelman said, “like she knew that’s where Aundria was.”

PART THREE

Peggy Johnson was never reported missing. She was last seen at a homecoming dance in Harvard, Illinois, in 1994, and most people who knew her assumed she’d run away. An aunt worried enough to take out a classified ad in the paper. But nobody seemed to suspect that something terrible might have happened to the auburn-haired girl.

Johnson disappeared shortly after the death of her mother, the sole parent in her low-income household. The 19-year-old found herself orphaned and homeless, with a developmental disability that made it difficult for her to get a job. By chance she met a nurse named Linda La Roche who offered her work as a live-in housekeeper and nanny to her children. The teenager jumped at the opportunity.

Over the next five years, La Roche abused Johnson, beating her, starving her, and forcing her to live in a crawl space. The violence culminated in 1999, when La Roche allegedly murdered the 23-year-old. When Johnson’s body was found dumped in Raymond, Wisconsin, the cause of death was determined to be sepsis resulting from pneumonia; an autopsy also revealed decaying teeth, broken ribs, evidence of sexual assault, and a cauliflower ear deformity. No one could identify her, so she became known by the place where she was found: She was the Racine County Jane Doe.

Twenty years after Johnson’s death, Wisconsin police received a tip from a concerned citizen about a nurse who’d confessed to killing someone who worked for her in the late 1990s. In early November 2019, Racine County authorities announced both Johnson’s identity and La Roche’s arrest. (La Roche is still awaiting trial.)

The revelation was bittersweet for Terkanian. She was glad that the girl she once thought might be her daughter had been identified. But Aundria was still out there. When would Terkanian get answers?

Two weeks later, on a cold Friday morning, Terkanian’s phone rang. Melissa’s name flashed across the screen. Terkanian answered, and without even saying hello, Melissa announced, “They got him.”

Earlier that morning, Melissa had received a call from a friend who happened to live on the same block as the Bowmans. The place was swarming with police—patrol cars clogged the street, and flashing lights reflected off the windows of surrounding homes. Something was going on. Something big. Terkanian felt dizzy. There was only one thing she could think to do; she hung up and called Koppelman.

He was just sitting down at his desk for the day. Koppelman still did forensic sketching and online sleuthing on the side, but he’d returned to full-time work as an accountant after his mother passed away. Koppelman listened as Terkanian described what was happening at the Bowmans’. They were sure it was connected to Aundria’s disappearance. What else could it be?

By that afternoon, the news was out: Bowman had been arrested by the Allegan County Sheriff’s Office. But not because of anything to do with Aundria. He’d been arrested in relation to a murder Terkanian and Koppelman had never heard of—one committed nine years before Aundria disappeared, more than 800 miles away from the shores of Lake Michigan.

Terkanian answered the phone, and without even saying hello, Melissa announced, “They got him.”

Kathleen Doyle was the daughter of a naval officer and the wife of a pilot. At the time of her murder, in 1980, she’d been married just nine months. Her husband was deployed on the USS Eisenhower in the Indian Ocean, and Doyle and the couple’s tabby cat, Ike, were living alone in a small house on Granby Street in Norfolk, Virginia. Doyle was an aspiring author who’d recently taken up journaling. The 25-year-old wrote about her anxieties and her excitement for the future.

Doyle had been dead for almost two days when her body was found. She’d been stripped, gagged, and strangled with electrical cord, then raped and stabbed. Authorities suspected an intruder had done it, a stranger. They collected semen from the scene but had few leads until serial killer Henry Lee Lucas was arrested in 1983. Lucas claimed that he and a partner, Ottis Toole, were responsible for hundreds of unsolved murders across the country, including Doyle’s. The following year, police charged the pair, but Lucas’s confessions were later revealed to be false, and the charges were dropped. In a letter to the editor published by the Virginian-Pilot in 2003, John O’Brien, Doyle’s father, chastised detectives for their missteps and expressed the steadfast hope that his daughter’s killer would be caught. That didn’t happen before O’Brien died, in 2016.

Eventually, science caught up with the case. Genetic genealogy, which compares unidentified DNA with a huge number of samples stored in databases, was becoming a popular way of investigating cold cases. Authorities didn’t expect the method to produce exact matches but rather partial ones, genetic relatives police could use to triangulate and identify potential suspects. Norfolk investigators partnered with Parabon Nano Labs, a leader in the field, to test DNA collected at the scene of Doyle’s murder. Soon, based on genealogical research, they had a list of more than 30 suspects.

Investigators needed to collect DNA from each person on the list to conduct a direct comparison. But with the suspects spread across several states, and a backlog of other cases on their desks vying for attention, the process could take law enforcement months or even years. Then, in 2019, a group of Norfolk detectives went to a national seminar attended by cold-case teams from around the country. It was an opportunity to learn about new technologies, collaborate on strategies, and exchange information. The Norfolk team, which had the list of suspects in the Doyle case in hand, got acquainted with a team from Michigan—where, as it happened, one of the people on the list lived.

The Michigan detectives were familiar with Dennis Bowman’s name. He had a criminal record, and they knew what Cathy Terkanian had accused him of doing. The police also had his DNA on file, and they were willing to share it for comparison.

The results confirmed that semen found at the scene of Doyle’s murder came from Bowman. Norfolk law enforcement issued a warrant for his arrest. Two days later, on November 22, 2019, Melissa called Terkanian to report the police raid. Within a few months, Bowman would be extradited to Virginia to stand trial. By then, he’d already confessed.

He admitted to entering Doyle’s home through a back window. He claimed that he was drunk and that it was an attempted robbery. He said he didn’t expect to find Doyle in the house, that he didn’t plan to kill her. But she was there and he did.

At the time, Bowman was in Norfolk for his annual two-week service in the Navy Reserve. He was also out of jail on bond—he was awaiting trial for the attempted assault of the 19-year-old Holland woman, the one he fired a gun at before she escaped on her bike.

Terkanian learned that she’d inadvertently played a role in solving Doyle’s murder. Geoffrey Flohr, the private detective, told her that at some point the Bowmans had visited the Allegan County Sheriff’s Office to report Terkanian for harassment; they claimed she was making defamatory accusations about Dennis online. Investigators offered Dennis a bottle of water and kept it when he left. According to Flohr, that was how his DNA came into their possession. (The sheriff’s office declined to comment on the investigation.)

As with the resolution of the Racine County Jane Doe investigation, Terkanian wasn’t sure how to feel about the news in the Doyle case. Bowman was behind bars, but Terkanian felt like she was still waiting for her turn—for her daughter’s turn—at justice.

Three months after Bowman’s arrest it came. In the first week of February 2020, with a thick layer of snow blanketing the ground, police returned to the Bowmans’ property. Melissa again called Terkanian, who phoned Koppelman. There was a forensics team on site this time, with a crime-scene tent and dogs in the backyard. Melissa sent photos. Officials appeared to be concentrating on one area in particular, and they had started to dig.  

Later that day, the police held a press conference. They announced that human skeletal remains had been found, and that they likely belonged to Aundria Bowman. The police needed to confirm her identity; Terkanian provided her DNA immediately.

In March, almost 31 years to the day after Aundria disappeared, the results came back: There was a DNA match. Terkanian had been right, and not just about what happened to her daughter. The police had found Aundria’s remains beneath the concrete slab behind the Bowmans’ house.




Dennis claimed that Aundria’s death was an accident. He said that they were arguing and he slapped her, causing her to fall and break her neck. He reported her missing to cover it up. That was the story he told Brenda in correspondence from prison. In June 2020, Dennis received two life sentences plus 20 years for killing Kathleen Doyle. He was ordered to serve his time in Michigan, where he would stand trial for Aundria’s murder.

The first hearing was held in February 2021. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, the proceedings were livestreamed, and Koppelman and Terkanian watched from their computer screens. Brenda took the stand first. She tearfully recounted how she’d made missing person posters because she believed Aundria had run away. She said she learned the truth only after Dennis was arrested in the Doyle case. When she was asked whether Aundria had ever accused Dennis of molesting her, Brenda said yes, but that she hadn’t believed the allegations were true. “That’s a lie,” she’d told Aundria, “and you know it.”

It was Brenda who told police where to find Aundria’s remains. In a call from prison, Dennis had confessed to burying their daughter in the backyard. Brenda said she didn’t believe him at first—they hadn’t lived in their house in Hamilton when Aundria died, so how could he have buried her there? To Brenda’s horror, Dennis explained that he’d moved their daughter’s body to the new property as soon as they signed the papers for it. The cement slab in the yard was the headstone of a grave Brenda never knew was there, in the shadow of the house she and Dennis shared for nearly 30 years. “He didn’t lie this time,” Brenda told a detective when Aundria’s remains were found. “He didn’t lie.”

As other witnesses took the stand, Dennis sat quietly in a green shirt, bow tie, and face mask. Testimony from experts involved with Aundria’s recovery and autopsy revealed that she had been dismembered; Dennis had wrapped her body parts in plastic bags and stuffed them into a cardboard barrel before burying them. The remains were too decomposed to establish an official cause of death, but the circumstances were sufficient for the medical examiner to rule what happened a homicide.

Chris Haverdink, the detective Terkanian and Koppelman met with at Googs Pub & Grub, took the stand. Haverdink said that after being arrested in Michigan in 2019 for Kathleen Doyle’s murder, Dennis eventually told authorities that he had nothing left to lose, and went on to describe a version of events similar to the one he’d given Brenda: that Aundria’s death had been an accident, and that he’d tried to cover his tracks. He’d dismembered his daughter because she wouldn’t fit in the cardboard barrel otherwise. To confirm the story, he pointed authorities to a machete stashed underneath his bed.

The details were hard for Terkanian to hear, but she felt comforted knowing that Koppelman, other online detectives, and people like Melissa were just a phone call or a text away. They didn’t believe Dennis’s story. Like Terkanian, they were sure Dennis had intended to kill Aundria. He’d engaged in a clear pattern of violence against young women. In fact, just a month prior to the hearing, another crime had come to light.

“He didn’t lie this time. He didn’t lie.”

“Man sought in assault” reads a front-page headline in the Holland Sentinel, published October 18, 1979. The article details a violent attack on a 27-year-old woman who early on a Sunday morning was bound, gagged, and sexually assaulted by an intruder in her home. The perpetrator took cash before fleeing the scene, and was described as a white man between 25 and 30 years old, with sandy hair and wire-rimmed glasses. He was estimated at five-foot-six and 150 pounds. According to the young woman, her assailant was wearing a leather jacket and dark pants. The newspaper published a police sketch of the suspect, his ink-blotted pupils staring blankly from the front page.

More than 40 years after the assault, Dennis Bowman confessed to the crime. There was little risk in doing so—he was already behind bars for murder, and the statute of limitations in the case had long since expired.

When they read the article about the 1979 crime, Terkanian and Koppelman couldn’t help but notice the striking resemblance between Bowman and the police sketch. But it was the last line of the article that really caught their attention: According to the lead detective in the case, there had been a recent uptick in reports of prowlers in the neighborhood where the crime had occurred. Police suspected the attacker might have committed other crimes.

Could there be other cold cases connected to Bowman? For years, Melissa had insisted hers was. She was frustrated that Bowman would confess to the 1979 assault, but not to what she believed he’d done to her. Now, at least, the police seemed to be listening to her. In February 2021, Michigan’s News 8 reported that police had confirmed Bowman was their prime suspect in Melissa’s abduction. Rope recovered from the scene and kept on file since 1989, when the crime occurred, had come back negative for Bowman’s DNA, but authorities said they were hopeful that technological advancements would allow it to be retested in the future.

Terkanian and Koppelman have identified other unsolved crimes they believe Bowman, who is now 72, should be investigated for. In 1977, Deborah Polinsky, a 20-year-old Holland woman, was killed in what one newspaper called a “sex slaying.” After Polinsky failed to show up for work, a colleague found her stripped, sexually assaulted, and stabbed to death in her home, with her German shepherd standing guard over the body. In 1970, Shelley Speet Mills, a 19-year-old newlywed, was stabbed to death in her apartment in Grand Rapids, 30 miles northeast of Holland. Mills’s mother, who’d driven to the city to take her daughter to lunch, found her body.

Around the time of Melissa’s abduction, there were a series of similar incidents. A 13-year-old girl was nearly pulled off a Holland street by a stranger. A nine-year-old girl on a bike was stopped by a man who opened his car door and asked repeatedly if she wanted to get ice cream. And several weeks after Melissa was taken, two siblings, aged nine and seven, were walking near Van Raalte Elementary School when they encountered a man they later estimated to be in his thirties. The suspect, who was driving a truck and wearing blue jeans and a blue winter jacket, offered the children money, then chased them on foot when they refused to get in his vehicle.

The siblings later described the truck as shiny and red. Melissa had described her abductor’s vehicle similarly—red truck, white cab. A photo of a truck Bowman once drove, provided to Terkanian and Koppelman by Bowman’s sister-in-law, matches that description.




Bowman’s lawyer didn’t reply to requests for comment. His client is expected to stand trial again in January 2022. Whether in person or online, Koppelman and Terkanian will be watching the proceedings closely. The friends speak often on the phone and social media. They’re vocal evangelists of armchair detective work. “The internet is an investigative tool, and used consistently in a certain way, it will get you somewhere,” Terkanian said.

After Peggy Johnson was identified as the Racine County Jane Doe, police announced that she would be reburied next to her mother under her real name. Terkanian wants the same thing for her daughter: She’s planning to go to court to obtain Aundria’s remains, so that she can bury her as Alexis Badger. It’s a long shot, but then the chances that Dennis Bowman would ever be arrested were slim, and that happened. No one expected that Terkanian and Koppelman’s persistence would help resolve numerous cold cases, but it did.

Terkanian doesn’t believe in closure. It’s too pat a concept to apply to tragedy, too neat a way to describe what it means to find answers decades after a young woman vanishes or a body is found without a name. But nothing is impossible, and it’s never too late—if Terkanian believes in anything, it’s that.


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The Love Bomb

The Love Bomb





























For 50 years, Enthusiastic Sobriety programs have promised to help teenagers kick drug and alcohol addiction. But former followers say ES doesn’t save lives—it destroys them.  



















By Daniel Kolitz

The Atavist Magazine, No. 117


Daniel Kolitz is a writer in Brooklyn. He has contributed to The New York Times Magazine, The New Republic, The Atlantic, and The Nation, among other publications.

Editor: Jonah Ogles
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checker: Naomi Sharp
Photographer: Benjamin Rasmussen

Published in July 2021.


Prologue

On Super Bowl Sunday, three weeks into the 1980s, Dave Cherry had the house to himself. The 15-year-old was sprawled out on his parents’ gold bedspread watching the game, but on the list of things he cared about—Led Zeppelin, the possibility of alternate dimensions, acquiring and inhaling tremendous quantities of weed—football barely ranked. Inertia, a sense of having nothing better to do, was the only thing that kept him watching.

Above: Dave Cherry in July 2021.

When the game ended, the network cut to Dan Rather, his posture as rigid as his hair. Rather introduced the subject of that week’s 60 Minutes episode: the Palmer Drug Abuse Program. “Few people outside of Texas had ever heard of PDAP,” Rather intoned, “until People magazine reported that Carrie Hamilton, the 15-year-old daughter of TV star Carol Burnett and producer Joe Hamilton, had become a drug addict, and that her parents had sent Carrie to PDAP, where she kicked her habit.”

Cherry, who lived in the suburbs of St. Louis, wasn’t familiar with PDAP, nor with Carrie Hamilton’s recovery, despite Burnett and her family making the daytime talk-show rounds—Dinah Shore, Phil Donahue—to praise the program and its founder, a recovering addict and alcoholic named Bob Meehan. “Some see Mr. Meehan as a miracle worker,” Rather said, “bringing God and clean living back into young people’s lives. Others say he gets those youngsters dependent on him and PDAP in place of their former dependence on drugs and alcohol.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, resources are available from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, including a 24/7 national helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Additional information on rehab abuse is available via Breaking Code Silence.

Meehan appeared on screen, looking like someone’s hazy misconception of 1970s cool: wide white sideburns, bushy blond goatee. Fury seemed to flash behind his orange-tinted aviators. Cherry, the son of strict Southern Baptists, was suddenly interested. Meehan was precisely the kind of guy his parents would despise.

“Now, I’m saying, this program works for a group of people. If it doesn’t work for you, try another one!” Meehan told 60 Minutes. “We’re not controlling you in any way, shape, or form. You don’t like it, leave!”

Meehan called his method of treating substance abuse Enthusiastic Sobriety, or ES. It was a kind of Alcoholics Anonymous for teenagers; it emphasized community and spirituality, but also insisted that participants needed to have fun. Cherry watched footage of cozy group confessionals and larger meetings that looked like pep rallies. Kids traded shoulder squeezes and looks of fervent understanding. A pretty woman, maybe 20 years old, cradled a younger boy’s head as another woman thanked him for filling a void in her life. “I love you,” she said, prompting claps and cheers from the people gathered around her.

A lonely kid, Cherry felt a stir of longing.

Meehan was so animated that, beside him, Rather looked like an expensive wax statue. When Rather questioned him about his $100,000 annual income, a combination of his PDAP salary and payments from a company that ran hospitals where PDAP referred teenagers for inpatient treatment, Meehan grinned. “If I wasn’t making money, you wouldn’t be here today, partner!” he said. Pressed for evidence of the high success rates PDAP touted in its advertisements, Meehan delivered a wandering monologue on the perils of methadone and the definition of success before telling Rather that if 60 Minutes or its host would like to give him $75,000 to conduct a study, he’d be happy to take it.

“Are you saying to me that you don’t have any data to back up your claim that you’re 75 to 80 percent successful?” Rather asked.

“The data we have is quite different from data anybody else has,” Meehan said.

“But when you boil it down, what you’ve got is a guess,” Rather pressed.

“Oh definitely,” Meehan said, inscrutable. “Definitely a guess.”

Rather presented dissenting opinions, from sources who described an environment that seemed designed to keep PDAP participants in thrall to Meehan. A mustached man in a tan leather jacket said that people were being “led to believe that we can’t make it without the program,” prompting Rather to remark, astonished, that this would make participation “never-ending.” Confronted with the notion that PDAP was manipulative and opportunistic, Meehan became even more energetic. “I’ve been a con all my life,” he told Rather. “Just, now I’m using it in a good way, see?”

The segment was in no uncertain terms a takedown. It aired on the highest-rated news program in the country, directly after the biggest event on TV. It should have been Bob Meehan’s undoing. But it wasn’t.

Over the next 40 years, Meehan proved to be a skilled shapeshifter and profiteer. Enthusiastic Sobriety, which as it turned out was even more destructive than 60 Minutes revealed, spread well beyond PDAP. It evolved, taking various names and forms; when one door closed, Meehan found another to open. Recovery programs that he ran or wielded influence over enrolled thousands of young people across the United States. Today, ES outfits run by members of Meehan’s inner circle still exist in Arizona, California, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Missouri, and North Carolina.

ES also ensnared staff and some clients in what people who’ve abandoned it now call a cult. Meehan and his closest confidants—a group dubbed the Family—controlled every aspect of members’ lives. The story recounted here draws on interviews with 65 former clients, counselors, and loved ones of people involved with ES from its origins in the 1970s through to the present day. Their experiences echo those described in an active online community of former ES followers, who use Facebook and other social-media platforms to tell their stories. Some subjects spoke to The Atavist Magazine on condition of anonymity.

Flopped on his parents’ bed in 1980, Dave Cherry couldn’t have guessed the outsize role he’d one day play in ES, or the extent to which Meehan would come to dominate his life. Years would pass before the two even met. All Cherry knew on that Super Bowl Sunday was that he liked the guy. He thought Dan Rather had given Bob Meehan a raw deal.

Part One

Hard facts about Meehan’s life before PDAP are scarce, but he always told a compelling origin story—how he first shot heroin at 16; how the habit soon compelled him to pawn his parents’ furniture; how they committed him to a psychiatric ward; how he escaped and spent the next ten years on and off the streets, using not only heroin but also codeine, quaaludes, cocaine, speed, and alcohol. During this period, according to several people who knew Meehan, he claimed to have robbed several pharmacies, killed several men, and played drums in several small-time jazz ensembles.

Above: Bob Meehan on “60 Minutes,” along with transcripts from the segment, and the issue of “People” magazine with Carol Burnett and her daughter touting ES.

In Meehan’s telling, his luck changed in 1971. Released from a Kentucky prison cell, he wound up in Houston, digging ditches for Rice University. At 27, he was mostly toothless—he wore dentures—and bald, save for a grimy curtain of hair running from the peak of his scalp down to his shoulders. A Fu Manchu mustache drooped past his chin. He’d mostly stopped using drugs but still wrestled with booze, and after another short stint in jail, this time for burglary and public drunkenness, he began attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at Palmer Memorial Episcopal Church.

The gatherings were presided over by Father Charles Wyatt-Brown, a soft-spoken priest beloved by his community. Wyatt-Brown took a liking to Meehan, who was outspoken in meetings. The two began having lunch together. Wyatt-Brown soon hired Meehan as his church’s janitor.

Teens made regular use of the church in those days, playing Frisbee on the grounds and popping inside to use the bathroom. Some of them were drug users, and Wyatt-Brown encouraged Meehan to befriend them, hoping he might set them on a better path. In fact, Wyatt-Brown said, Meehan’s attention was better spent helping children than vacuuming hallways.

Meehan was singularly charismatic, a perpetual motion machine with a comic’s timing and a gift for connecting with kids. It helped that he chain-smoked, cursed incessantly, and had a vast supply of dirty jokes and prison yarns to keep them entertained. Soon, with Wyatt-Brown’s permission, six young people began meeting regularly with Meehan in the church’s basement. They played cards, complained about teachers, talked about crushes. Sometimes Meehan took to the piano, leading sing-alongs. Within six months, the group’s ranks had expanded to 40, and Meehan was formally promoted to the role of youth counselor. Another six months later, attendance had reached 250, and Wyatt-Brown established the Palmer Drug Abuse Program as a nonprofit, with a board of directors to facilitate the program’s growth. Meehan was made director.

Meehan didn’t have formal qualifications to run a drug-treatment program. What he had was life experience and an eye for demand. White middle-class Americans shaped by the promise and comforts of the postwar era were terrified that substance abuse would steal their children’s future. The war on drugs began in 1971, with Richard Nixon declaring illegal substances “public enemy number one.” Within a few years, the so-called parent movement, which preached zero tolerance of marijuana, narcotics, and alcohol, would spread across the country. But Meehan recognized that a top-down approach wasn’t likely to appeal to kids. What rebellious teenager does what their parents or president tells them to do? 

Meehan started developing Enthusiastic Sobriety, which was both a theory and a practice. In order to entice teens, he believed, clean living needed to be just as fun—and just as reckless—as the alternative. If teens wanted to grow their hair long, smoke cigarettes, stay out all night, or even drop out of school, parents should let them—whatever kept them off drugs and alcohol was a good thing. Thus liberated, kids could enter the alternate social world of PDAP, which had its own dances, campouts, and house parties, all of them substance-free.

Spirituality was part of PDAP’s deal; much like AA, the program was rooted in the possibility of redemption. If that didn’t seem cool to teenagers, Meehan would be the first to tell them they were wrong. He believed that peer pressure was what drove young people to experiment with drugs and alcohol, and he aimed to use the same tactic to keep them sober. As soon as they walked in the door of a meeting, PDAP newcomers were smothered in hugs and people saying “I love you.” The tactic, called “love bombing,” is now widely recognized as a method for luring people into cults. One PDAP participant recalled thinking, “These guys are like the Hare Krishna or something. They’re going to try to make me sell flowers at the airport next week.”

In the program’s early days, Meehan met and married Joy DeFord, a diminutive, dark-haired divorcée who ran Palmer Memorial’s Alateen program, for teenagers who had alcoholics in their families. Joy came across as a polished Southern belle, a calm counterpoint to her manic husband, though she had quirks of her own, including an interest in hypnotism and homeopathy. The Meehans had a daughter and informally adopted a PDAP participant named Susan Lowry. Joy began running PDAP’s parent group, which held meetings each week. Hers was an essential role—PDAP’s smooth functioning depended on parents buying into the developing ES methodology.

PDAP could be a tough sell for parents. Beyond the smoking and the late nights, there was the fact that PDAP’s counselors looked like they could have been former drug dealers. Some of them were former drug dealers. One young man showed up for his first PDAP meeting, struck up a conversation with a counselor, and quickly realized that he’d “bought dope from the guy before.” When the adults balked about who was supervising their kids, Joy calmed them down. A common refrain was “Would you rather they were dead?”

PDAP was free, funded entirely by community donations. Participants had to commit to 30 days of sobriety, during which they would attend frequent meetings. They could keep coming to PDAP after that—in fact, they were encouraged to make the program the permanent anchor of their existence. Meehan, a fervent follower of AA, implemented a version of the 12 steps in PDAP. Participants made moral inventories and direct amends to those they’d hurt, and they admitted that substances rendered their lives unmanageable. Meehan put his own spin on other steps. His second one was “We have found it necessary to ‘stick with winners’ in order to grow.” To keep old friends around—especially if they used drugs or alcohol, but often even if they were sober—was to court relapse or worse. Once someone had PDAP, they didn’t need anyone else. In the words of one former participant, PDAP was “a whole group of people who were just like me.”

PDAP became so popular among local teens that some faked or exaggerated drug problems to get in the door. Not everyone who joined was even a teenager. The ages of PDAP participants ranged from 13 to 25. Minors were part of what was called Younger Group, and those 18 or above were in Older Group. (Some participants were over 25, and a few were in their thirties; they were known as Over the Hillers.) Many of the joiners were misfits, young people with growing rap sheets or a hostile stance toward authority—what their parents might call a bad attitude. Some had sought treatment for substance abuse before but felt patronized by medical professionals.

PDAP meetings were serious business. An atmosphere of total transparency prevailed: Participants shared stories of sexual assault, domestic violence, and intravenous overdose. Some of the most vulnerable exchanges occurred at Round Robins, where participants were kept awake all night, divulging deep secrets in a state of sleep deprivation. Sponsors and counselors dispensed advice to newcomers on how to dress and whom to socialize or sleep with. For many in the program, their guidance was gospel. “They always told you God spoke through other people, and you needed to listen to your sponsor,” a former participant recalled, “because God is speaking through them.”

Kids who adhered most strictly to the ES ethos—who stayed sober, avoided people outside PDAP, obeyed staff, and stuck with the program long-term—were elevated to the prestigious steering committee, which helped guide meetings. From there, many became counselors themselves. Acolytes believed that the program had saved their lives. Soon they were spreading the word across Texas and beyond. Counselors traveled to other states, praised Meehan and the ES method at town halls, and raised funds to open new chapters of PDAP in local churches. “We all worked for next to nothing,” a counselor from the early days said. “We were in it for the love of the job.”

Even Meehan didn’t earn much money at first. His house and furniture were in disrepair; his old Ford barely worked. Then he went into business with a man named Fred Kotzen, who managed a handful of Houston-area hospitals. In the past, when PDAP kids required more serious drug treatment, Meehan had sent them Kotzen’s way. In 1975, Kotzen offered Meehan a hefty consultant’s fee—$50,000 a year, as Dan Rather would later report, or about $250,000 in 2021 dollars—to more formally integrate PDAP with his business. (On 60 Minutes, Meehan insisted that he was paid solely to give Kotzen advice. Kotzen passed away in 2014.)

Kotzen opened PDAP wings at his hospitals, where parents—or their insurance companies—paid to send young people for inpatient care. While nurses and doctors were present and signed off on paperwork, the wings were primarily staffed by Meehan’s counselors. According to one source, Kotzen soon began paying directors of PDAP chapters in other cities to funnel kids into his Houston hospitals. Counselors felt pressured to fill the wings. “They started urging us to put kids in the hospital programs,” a former counselor said. “These are 14-year-olds who are smoking pot. They don’t need to go to the hospital. They’re not shooting heroin.”

This was the first iteration of a business model that would serve as the backbone of Meehan’s operations for the next half-century. Kotzen’s hospitals made money off the kids referred from PDAP, and the fees Kotzen paid to Meehan helped PDAP grow. “We were able to expand throughout the country very quickly,” a former counselor recalled. According to 60 Minutes and another source familiar with the program, PDAP wings at various Houston hospitals were, at their peak, treating somewhere between 450 and 600 patients at a time.

“They started urging us to put kids in the hospital programs,” a former counselor said. “These are 14-year-olds who are smoking pot. They don’t need to go to the hospital. They’re not shooting heroin.”

A 1978 Associated Press profile described Meehan as the “Pied Piper of Houston, leading a parade of drug abusers in search for a place in the sun.” Soon after, Carol Burnett sent her daughter to PDAP. Meehan personally oversaw her experience with the program, and his efforts paid off. Hamilton sobered up in one of PDAP’s hospital wings and began attending meetings. Meehan earned the loyalty of her mother, one of the most visible women in the country. “My parents believed this person was a godsend,” said Jody Hamilton, Carrie’s sister. “He saved their daughter’s life.” (Carrie Hamilton passed away in 2002, at the age of 38, of complications from lung cancer. Burnett declined to comment for this story.)

A caravan of counselors led by Meehan eventually took a trip to Los Angeles, hoping to enlist the troubled children of other Hollywood elite into his program. They made use of Burnett’s mansion while getting PDAP L.A. off the ground. Two counselors were even married on Burnett’s tennis court.

At the time, celebrities rarely spoke openly about substance abuse in their families. Burnett broke the mold: There was the story in People, followed by numerous talk-show appearances. The effect on PDAP was immediate. “Man, people were dropping out of airplanes into Houston!” a former counselor said. “Every parent across the country that saw her on television with her daughter was going, ‘Well, I got one of those. I’m calling them up.’ And the counselors in Texas would just go, ‘Send them down! We’ll try to help them!’” To accommodate the influx, new arrivals who didn’t go straight to Kotzen’s hospitals were taken in by families with children in PDAP.

The explosive growth—and lucrative hospital arrangements—allowed Meehan to swap his rundown Ford for a luxury Lincoln. According to colleagues from that time, he took to wearing ostrich-skin cowboy boots, thousand-dollar suits, and gold jewelry. One former PDAP counselor recalled him claiming that, if given the chance, his Enthusiastic Sobriety method could bring peace to the Middle East. When 60 Minutes began reporting on PDAP, it was the messianic version of Meehan that the show caught on tape.

Acolytes around the country gathered to watch the news segment on Super Bowl Sunday. Everyone assumed that it would glorify Meehan and the ES method. Initially, the show had planned to do exactly that: An early memo written by a producer described PDAP as a force for good and Meehan as “ebullient, funny, caring.” But during the reporting process, that view changed considerably. In a later memo, the same producer wrote, “All the people I’ve talked with who have left the Palmer Drug Abuse Program agree on two things: that Bob Meehan is a superb con man, and that he’s dangerously unstable—‘a fanatic, a psychopath.’”

PDAP’s most dedicated supporters lived in a bubble; for them the program was self-evidently righteous. They dismissed criticism from former Meehan followers as the sour grapes of people who couldn’t hack it. More often they didn’t come in contact with those opinions at all. People who divorced themselves from PDAP were systematically shunned by friends and colleagues who were still in the program. So the tone of the 60 Minutes segment came as a surprise. “We just sat there in total shock,” a former PDAP staff member recalled. Another, who watched it in Los Angeles, could think only one thing: “We are going down.”

PDAP’s board of directors was livid about the segment’s revelations. They wanted accountability. But rather than apologize or agree to look for possible problems, Meehan turned combative. He insisted that footage had been edited to make him look bad, and that old colleagues were out to ruin him. Paranoid, he hired a security detail.

He also started a band, called Freeway, whose songs centered exclusively on the joys of sobriety. Its first and only album was produced by ZZ Top’s Frank Beard, whom Meehan had helped get off heroin. “Bob wanted to be a rock star,” a former colleague said. Meehan booked Freeway at the Houston Astrodome and rented a private plane to fly PDAP participants in from Los Angeles to attend. Carrie Hamilton, an aspiring singer, was the opener. One staff member recalls Meehan and his entourage arriving in limousines. According to several former colleagues, Meehan funded the event by clearing out the bank account of PDAP L.A.—an estimated $50,000 to $100,000 in charitable donations. After the Houston show, Meehan took Freeway on tour through the Rocky Mountains, playing at various PDAP branches. That trip was also allegedly bankrolled with the program’s money.

Meanwhile, the bad publicity from 60 Minutes was making new fundraising difficult. According to one PDAP higher-up at the time, presentations at Rotary and Kiwanis Club meetings, once filled with questions about how PDAP might be able to help a troubled nephew or daughter, were now dominated by concerns over Meehan’s character. Was what they said on TV true? Why should parents trust him?

The situation grew increasingly tenuous. At a heated three-day PDAP board meeting in late 1980, nearly a year after the 60 Minutes segment aired, Meehan was booted from the organization.

After the 60 Minutes segment aired, a former PDAP staff member recalled, “We just sat there in total shock.” Another, who watched it in Los Angeles, could think only one thing: “We are going down.”

In the fall of 1982, Dave Cherry arrived for his freshman year at Webster College, outside St. Louis. Depressed from a recent breakup and self-medicating with weed, he promptly failed all his classes. Webster kicked him out after five months and Cherry moved back home. He spent his days on one knee, fitting pumps on women’s feet at one of his father’s strip-mall shoe stores. He thought his parents pitied him, which he hated. In the evenings, he hung out with friends at a nearby lake, where they passed a bong around and came up with stupid songs. “It’s hard to even express what a miserable-feeling human being I was at that time,” Cherry said.

One night he got a call from a friend’s mother. “John’s been sick,” she said—that was code for “drinking again.” John, who’d recently been through rehab, needed to go to an AA meeting that evening, but his mother couldn’t drive him. She asked if Cherry would take him. Cherry’s parents had confiscated his car keys—“I kept getting in wrecks,” he said—but he’d secretly made a copy, and his parents weren’t home. He said yes.

When Cherry and John arrived at the meeting, they found it filled with grizzled bikers and hippies, the kinds of people Cherry’s mother reflexively sneered at. But just like she did, they professed an abiding faith in God. Listening to their stories, Cherry sensed a common denominator: These people had been lost right up until the moment they accepted their disease. He felt lost as well. To his surprise, Cherry found himself speaking. “I think I’m an addict,” he told the room. If Cherry had any doubts about the truth of this statement—he drank and smoked, but no more than many of his peers—they were swept away by the applause that followed his confession.

His dad was waiting in the driveway, arms crossed, when Cherry pulled in later that night. Before his father could say a word, Cherry blurted out that he had a drug problem and needed to go to rehab. Within 48 hours, the doors of Weldon Spring Psychiatric Hospital closed behind him.

Barely an hour had passed before a 16-year-old girl—tan, blond, and blue-eyed—strode up to him and complimented his earring. Her name was Melissa; she was brazen, voluble, a whirl of hand gestures and blunt remarks. The two became inseparable. One night, Cherry connected two Dixie cups with string and snuck across the hall to hand one to Melissa so they could “talk” all night. Before Melissa left the hospital—her release date was a few weeks earlier than Cherry’s—the counselors staged a mock wedding for them. They used scraps of leather for rings.

One day, on temporary leave from the facility, Cherry drove by a fundraiser where several pretty girls his age were washing cars in bikinis. They were raising money, he learned, for the St. Louis branch of PDAP. He remembered the name from 60 Minutes. When he told them he was sober, he was promptly love bombed, a process to which sex appeal was central. Multiple former ES leaders said that they consciously recruited attractive, popular teens, who in turn would entice more teens.

The show of affection had its intended effect. Cherry wanted to feel like he belonged somewhere. After he was released from the psychiatric hospital, he and Melissa became regulars at PDAP meetings.

Since Meehan’s ouster, PDAP had instituted a more professional, evidence-based approach to teen sobriety. But the efforts at reform hadn’t been entirely successful. Many Meehan acolytes remained on staff at PDAP branches or had taken leadership roles since he was fired. According to Cherry, the director of PDAP St. Louis, talked about Meehan as if he were “almost a God.”

Cherry had left the hospital with a newfound sense of purpose—he wanted to help people who felt as bad as he once did. PDAP was the ideal outlet. Weaving parables and jokes through his life story, Cherry could light up a room. Soon, local church ministers were calling him for help with troubled teens, and he began carting aspiring teetotalers to PDAP meetings. He was added to the branch’s steering committee, and then became a staff member.

Not long after, PDAP St. Louis reached a crisis point when two directors quit in quick succession. The higher-ups in Houston seemed willing to let the branch wither, but one person was willing to step in: Bob Meehan.

From a new home base in San Diego, Meehan had recently started another program through which to apply the ES method. He’d named it after his band. Freeway was established with funds donated by actor Tim Conway, whose son Meehan had treated; like PDAP, it was overseen by a board of directors whose local prominence and connections brought legitimacy—and fundraising opportunities—to the organization. By 1983, some 500 young adults were in regular attendance at Freeway meetings. But whereas in Houston Meehan had referred clients to hospitals for a fee, in San Diego he cut out the middleman: Freeway participants whom staff deemed in need of something more than counseling and community were sent to the Sober Live-In Center, or SLIC, a crumbling, rented compound outside Escondido also known as the Ranch. A 30-day stay cost upwards of $5,000, according to several people involved at the time.

When Meehan caught wind of the problems in St. Louis, he saw another opportunity. He quickly persuaded the board there to split from PDAP. When Meehan flew to town to for the formal announcement, Cherry was dispatched by his father, who sat on the St. Louis branch’s board, to pick him up from the airport. Meehan was waiting in a blazer and a dress shirt with the top few buttons undone. He wore a gold chain with a heart-shaped pendant, initialed with an S and an R for “SLIC Ranch.”

Cherry was starstruck. He chattered incessantly all the way to the PDAP office. There, Meehan was the one who did the talking. Holding forth to the threadbare group of participants and volunteers who constituted the program at that point, Meehan was on fire; antic and foulmouthed, he preached the ES gospel like it was a stand-up routine. “Have you ever tried to PISS before you CRAP?” he asked—references to the ES concepts of Properly Interpreting Social Situations and using Communication to Resolve All Problems.

As his talk wound down, Meehan discussed business. St. Louis, he announced, would no longer be affiliated with PDAP. He would now be in charge, running operations from San Diego. The day-to-day work of the program, which soon changed its name to Crossroads, would be overseen by a man named Frank Szachta, who had gotten sober at the St. Louis branch and would soon move home to take the job. In the meantime, Dave Cherry would run the show.

Cherry, who learned this at the same time everyone else in the room did; Cherry, who was barely out of his teens. Meehan didn’t ask him if he wanted the job, but he didn’t have to: Cherry was willing to help however he could.

When Cherry drove Meehan to his hotel, Meehan asked him inside to talk. They munched on Tastykakes and tortilla chips slathered with Easy Cheese in the dim light of Meehan’s room. According to Cherry, Meehan opened up about 60 Minutes—he said that he’d played cards with the cameramen, that he’d been sure the show would portray him positively, but that when you’d treated as many kids as he had, some were bound to end up bitter about one thing or another.

Meehan then invited Cherry to join him on the floor. They sat cross-legged facing one another, their knees nearly touching. Meehan told Cherry that he knew him better than Cherry knew himself. That he loved him more than Cherry loved himself. All the things Cherry had done to himself—flunking out of school, wrecking his life with drugs—Meehan would never have done to him. Try to run your own life, Meehan said, and you’ll just get hurt; turn it over to God and you’ll never be hurt again.

He asked Cherry to look into his eyes, to see the love that he had for him. Cherry complied. After five or six minutes Cherry began sobbing uncontrollably, but he didn’t look away. Meehan tilted his head. “I really get you, man,” Cherry remembered him saying. “I really get you.”

When Cherry left, the sun was coming up. He cried all the way home. Meehan, he knew, was going to save the St. Louis program. More than that, Meehan was going to save him.

Part Two

Unbeknownst to Cherry, at the time of his visit, Meehan’s latest venture was on the brink of collapse.

Above: Meehan with images of his book and the cover and song list of an album by his band Freeway.

The Ranch in California was the rehab equivalent of a roach motel. It was spread over several sites, and, according to people who spent time in them, the facilities were infested. Upwards of 20 clients at a time, some as young as 12 or 13, slept on mattresses scattered on the floor or in a mildewed trailer. The Ranch’s counselors lacked even basic credentials. According to Jenny Gaines, who went through treatment at the Ranch twice, clients knew to hide if they heard a knock at the door, “because it could be licensing [officials], and we had to protect Bob.”

Most of the staff weren’t equipped to handle teens in genuine medical distress. Gaines remembered a girl who arrived catatonic after a bad acid trip. “She couldn’t talk, she couldn’t clean herself,” Gaines said. The other young women in residence bathed and fed her for the duration of her stay. Meehan, who dropped by regularly to “connect” with the clients, told them to pray for the girl.

Before long, aggrieved parents who didn’t like the way their kids had been treated found one another and rallied the press to their cause. Meehan, they said, had convinced them that their children would die unless they got help from the Ranch. Terrified, they’d emptied savings accounts and taken out second mortgages. Many now found that their children refused to speak to them, citing the tenets of ES. Meehan “wanted to get them away from their family,” said Don Ceplenski, who has two children who spent time at the Ranch. “The girls were like Manson girls—really, really loyal. Meehan convinces them he’s saved their life, that their families and society really screwed them up.”

Freeway, the ES program through which kids were funneled to the Ranch, was likewise under attack. It was accused, as the Los Angeles Times reported, of leading its members to exchange “one addiction—to drugs and alcohol—with another addiction—to a lifestyle of self-gratifying antisocial behaviors, dependency on one another at the expense of their home life, and a cult-like adoration of Meehan as the most important person in their life.” As with PDAP, many Freeway acolytes seemed to believe that they would die without the program.

The criticism grew so intense that Freeway’s board of directors voted to disband the program. Not long after, a former executive director claimed that the program had sent clients to the Ranch whether they needed treatment or not, and the San Diego district attorney opened an investigation. “These are stupid accusations,” Meehan told the Los Angeles Times. “People want to blame me because their families aren’t working right. I’m a good man, a reputable man.” Soon the Ranch was also under investigation for housing minors without a license. Meehan, while conceding that some of the center’s clients were under 18, insisted that the Ranch was simply “a boarding house for young people” in need of a positive sober environment.

Two weeks after Freeway was dissolved, Meehan started a new ES program called Good Company. City licensing officials learned about it when a reporter called them with questions, prompting yet another investigation. Meanwhile, the parents hounding Meehan in San Diego flew to a SLIC Ranch he’d opened in Phoenix and related their horror stories to the board there. In the space of a few weeks, Good Company, the Ranch, and the Phoenix SLIC were all shuttered by state authorities on the grounds that Meehan was, as the Los Angeles Times put it, “not fit to operate them.” One San Diego official told the press that Meehan would not be eligible for a license to operate treatment programs there if he reapplied. “He’s not a person who would respond to regulation,” the official said.

St. Louis, then, presented the right opportunity at the right time. Meehan needed a new program, kids to populate it, and, eventually, a place to send them for treatment. Built on the remains of the PDAP branch, Crossroads was a modest operation, but Meehan didn’t need much to get his business model off the ground. A willing counselor or two would suffice.

“The girls were like Manson girls—really, really loyal. Meehan convinces them he’s saved their life, that their families and society really screwed them up.”

When Frank Szachta moved back to St. Louis, six weeks after Meehan’s visit, Cherry drove to meet him. The two twentysomethings prayed and talked excitedly about the work to come. Soon they were fixtures at local high schools, running workshops during the first few class periods, then holding court in the cafeteria at lunch. They regaled students with stories—some true, some exaggerated—about their dissolute pasts. Attendance at Crossroads meetings surged.

In those days, Cherry literally sang on his way into work. He and Melissa had been on and off romantically, but their relationship was now growing more serious. His goal, Cherry often told her, was to become the best drug counselor in the world.

One day, according to Cherry, a call came in to the Crossroads office. The man on the line introduced himself as Art Peiffer, owner of a company called American Healthnet. Though based in Arlington, Texas, the company had recently purchased Forum Hospital, a 60-bed inpatient treatment center in St. Louis, located just a short drive from Crossroads. According to Cherry, he and Szachta consulted Meehan, who told them to give Peiffer whatever he wanted—and what he wanted was for Crossroads to refer its participants to Forum. (Peiffer, it turned out, had helped structure Meehan’s earlier hospital deals with Fred Kotzen, in Houston, though neither Cherry nor Szachta knew this at the time.)

Crossroads began making referrals to Forum, and it wasn’t alone in doing so. A Meehan loyalist named John Cates was working for Forum while overseeing the opening of new ES programs around the country. Each chapter was its own LLC, informally connected to an organization called John Cates Associates (and, later, Lifeway). These programs also began funneling kids to Forum.

Although Meehan had no formal stake in the programs, he was essential to their steady flow of referrals. According to Cherry and two other people involved at the time, Cates and Peiffer paid Meehan a consultant’s fee to tour ES programs and hype counselors on the mission of sending kids to Forum. Under Meehan, this became a spiritual matter. Social worth within the ES world, and the chances of promotion within a given program, became closely tied to how many young people counselors sent for a hospital stay.

Meehan’s sermons worked, and business took off. According to Cherry, inpatient treatment at Forum typically lasted 30 to 45 days, at a rate of $1,200 per day. Insurance companies covered the bill. Some of the clients who spent time at the hospital went on to become ES counselors themselves, and in turn referred other young people to Forum. The excitement around Meehan’s method—what it could do for kids, their families, and ES staff—was palpable. As the St. Louis Post-Dispatch noted, Forum’s First National Super Session for Drug-Free Youth, an event held at a local Sheraton and hosted by former Dallas linebacker Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson, “resembled a high-spirited pep rally rather than a session on drug abuse.”

The arrangement with Forum was just a few months old when Cherry was offered a new job: inpatient program director. He would set the course of care, run group therapy, and coordinate a daily schedule for Forum’s clients. Cherry was hesitant—he’d recently reenrolled in college—but accepted the offer. Cherry often worked through the night. When he didn’t, he slept with a pager by his bed. He juggled his classwork with running a rehab program full-time. He was 21.

The job brought Cherry close to Cates, who became a mentor, advising him on his relationship with Melissa and introducing him to the works of Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung. (Cates declined multiple interview requests for this story. “I have no desire in any way to revisit these painful times,” he wrote in an email.) In the 1970s, Cates taught grade-school math in Houston, until he began using heroin and was arrested for trafficking the drug. Meehan helped him get sober. Now in his late thirties, Cates’s style was an amalgam of country and heavy metal: He wore cowboy boots and fringed leather jackets, and his black hair had a blond stripe.

According to Cherry, Cates summoned him to a hotel room at the annual Crossroads banquet in 1987. “How’d you like to go to Atlanta?” Cates asked. A former Crossroads client had recently moved there and was running unofficial ES meetings out of his parents’ basement. Ten or so teenagers were in regular attendance. Cates hoped to grow the program by the usual ES strategy—recruiting a base of charismatic teens and building from there—and then enroll some of the kids in an intensive outpatient program, or IOP. The IOP model would be somewhere between a stint at Forum and run-of-the-mill ES participation, which typically entailed a few meetings a week. Instead of checking into a hospital, IOP clients would attend meetings six hours a day, for six weeks, while living either at home or with a host family. Their progress would be overseen largely by teenagers and young adults whose sole credential was being ES believers. The one-time fee for the program could run upwards of $3,000, according to several former staff.

In Atlanta, Cherry would have to find and lease a building suitable for IOP work. He would need to navigate the byzantine process required to offer treatment services: establishing an LLC, finding a clinical supervisor, assembling a comprehensive policy and procedure manual. And he would be responsible for recruiting five or six counselors to help him get the operation going. 

Cherry told Cates no. He had no desire to drop out of college again. He didn’t want to move—he and Melissa were recently engaged. Besides, what if the business failed? What would he do then?

Cates insisted that Cherry take the job. It was, Cherry recalled him saying, the best wedding present a guy could hope for. When Meehan entered the room, Cherry repeated his concerns. But Meehan, Cherry said, wouldn’t listen. Going to Atlanta, Meehan said, was what he had to do.

Cherry agreed to at least go for a visit. The trip didn’t change his mind, but when he got back, he found that Cates and Meehan were acting as though it was a done deal. “I felt like I had no choice,” Cherry said. So he quit school and moved south.

He was scared. He had just enough money to pay the security deposit and first month’s rent on an apartment. He delivered pizzas to support himself as he labored to get the new program off the ground. Somehow he managed: Within a few months, there were enough IOP clients to make the Atlanta outfit self-sustaining. The local press took notice. Cherry, described as “a bearded, 24-year-old former Missourian with longish brown hair who smokes two packs of cigarettes a day,” was quoted in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution explaining the ES ethos. “One of the things we teach people to do is to dance sober,” Cherry told the newspaper. “They know how to dance loaded, but they have to know how to dance sober.”

Around this time, Cherry was summoned to St. Louis to testify in front of a grand jury: Forum had recently shut down, and its former administrator, a man named Charles Butler, was under investigation for insurance fraud and for overbilling patients. Cherry said that he confirmed the prosecution’s findings, but that he didn’t know what Butler was doing was against the law. He was assured that Meehan, Peiffer, and Cates were unaware of any illegal activity. To his mind, ES was a spiritually pure endeavor—the program’s leaders would never do anything unethical. Butler was indicted and eventually sent to prison. A hospital administrator interviewed for this story described him as a “fall guy.”

Forum’s closure forced a change in the ES business model. Cates and Peiffer started a new company, called International Healthnet, that would design in-hospital ES programs and populate them with patients for a per-person fee. The two men quickly struck a deal with a hospital in Houston, and Cherry was asked to move there. This time he didn’t bother resisting, even though his success in Atlanta hadn’t made him any more confident. “I would take on these things and feel there was no way they could ever work, that I was going to fail and end up living on the streets,” he said. He went to Houston in 1989, sending for Melissa—whom he’d married by then, in a church packed with ES followers—once he’d found a place to live.

Cherry often worked through the night. When he didn’t, he slept with a pager by his bed. He juggled his classwork with running a rehab program full-time. He was 21.

At first, business in Houston boomed. ES clients arrived at the hospital in batches. “Not one or two kids,” a former counselor recalled. “Dozens at a time.” Some teenagers showed up on the flimsiest of pretexts—usually it was something that had surfaced during an ES meeting. “If the kid said, ‘I think I had a dream that my grandfather touched me inappropriately’—boom, off to the hospital they went,” the former counselor said.

As it turned out, this was part of a wider trend of people exploiting the lax regulatory environment of the late 1980s. A 1991 Houston Chronicle series called “Profitable Addictions” exposed some of the worst offenses. Between 1984 and 1989, the number of private psychiatric hospitals in Texas nearly tripled. To fill what the Chronicle referred to as the “glut of hospital beds,” facilities contracted with headhunting firms, which referred patients for a fee. The Chronicle described headhunters infiltrating AA meetings, getting well-insured members drunk, and depositing them at hospitals; probation officers accepting bribes to refer patients; hospital staff combing through the records of public high schools, looking for potential clients. A committee chairwoman in Congress would call it “one of the most disgraceful and scandalous episodes in the history of health care in America.”

As investigations played out on front pages and in government hearings, ES evaded scrutiny. But a subsequent raft of anti-headhunting laws in multiple states complicated things for Meehan and Cates. Meanwhile, insurance companies began tightening restrictions, too. In Cherry’s experience, this meant that providers went from covering as much as six weeks of inpatient treatment to just three or four days. Steadily, the money from the ES program-to-hospital pipeline dried up. Everyone was affected: Cates and Peiffer, who created the pipeline; staff like Cherry, who managed it; and Meehan, the mastermind and hype man, who got paid to keep it flowing.

In 1992, at an ES retreat in California, Meehan took on a protégé who would soon help him reinvent himself once again. Dave Larsen had revered Meehan for years. It all started at the age of 15, back when Larsen was a six-foot-tall, 200-pound Satanist with 63 unexcused absences from school and citations for shoplifting, vandalism, and drug possession. “Honestly,” Larsen said, “I just really wanted people to be scared of me.” A bad acid trip landed him at an ES meeting in California, and a month of exposure to the method was all it took for him to shed his tough-guy persona. “I sat in those meetings and I cried,” he said. Like Cherry and other devout believers, Larsen decided to dedicate his life to ES.

By 22, Larsen had a wife, a child, and a job as director of an ES program in Dallas. His reputation was as a beacon of positivity, someone who took a gentle approach with clients. At the retreat in California, Meehan took a liking to him. According to a former ES counselor, Meehan described Larsen as “the second coming of Christ.” When Larsen let slip to Meehan that he was applying to run a new ES chapter in Phoenix, Meehan immediately put in a call to Cates, who was overseeing hiring. A few days later, Larsen had the job.

Larsen quickly grew the Phoenix program, and soon Charter Hospital came calling. The medical facility offered to pay staff members’ salaries, plus a flat rate of about $6,800 per month to Meehan in exchange for running a recovery wing. Larsen went to Meehan, who according to Larsen told him to run the idea by Cates and Peiffer. But the two men wanted more than Charter was willing to pay. Negotiations stalled.

Meehan eventually called Larsen with a plan. Cates, he said, had a counseling degree, and Peiffer had a PhD. But Meehan? He didn’t have anything except ES, which was his creation. Meehan flew to Phoenix and, with Larsen’s help, took the Charter deal for himself.

According to Cherry, Cates and Peiffer were apoplectic. They would soon have reason to be angrier still. The new Meehan Recovery Center at Charter Hospital needed patients, and Cates wasn’t likely to allow referrals from the ES chapters he oversaw. So, according to multiple sources who ran them at the time, Meehan set about systematically usurping the programs. He traveled from city to city and persuaded leadership to come under the umbrella of a new organization: the International Coalition of Chemical Abuse Programs, or Icecap. (“International” referred to Canada, where Meehan had opened a few programs, though his efforts to launch one had ended with allegations that ES was, according to the Vancouver Sun, “a cult.”)

In the minds of many ES staff, the decision whether to follow Meehan wasn’t hard. For one thing, Cates had stopped paying them. In Houston, Cherry’s staff were selling tie-dyed T-shirts to afford food. Even more salient was the fact that, although program directors and counselors respected Cates, they revered Meehan. In a pre-Google world, the 60 Minutes segment and Meehan’s various business failures hadn’t done serious damage to his reputation. Meehan was friends with rock stars. He was a frequent guest on Oprah, giving his views on youth and addiction. His book Beyond the Yellow Brick Road: Our Children and Drugs had received glowing media attention when he self-published it in 1984, and it was now the bible for ES programs everywhere. Meehan’s visits to the branches were sacred occasions. “He really was a celebrity in our lives,” Larsen said.

Meehan couldn’t offer the struggling ES programs any money; the Charter deal would only be enough to cover his work. But as the source of all ES teachings, he could offer unparalleled guidance. And maybe that would be enough to save the programs from collapse.

Larsen, in Phoenix, signed on with Meehan, as did program directors in Atlanta and St. Louis. But Cherry, who was offered the job of running the Meehan Recovery Center, wavered. “At that point,” he said, “I wanted to get out.”

In an effort to persuade him to stay on board, Larsen flew Cherry out to Phoenix. The two men sat on a hilltop overlooking the city and talked about the future. Larsen tried to sell him on what they could build together. Cherry already knew Dave’s wife, Wendy, another ES acolyte who had once worked at Forum Hospital.

Cherry had been involved in ES for a decade. Nearing 30, he had no college degree, no savings, no prospects outside the ES world. Recently, the police had shown up at his house in Houston when a check for groceries bounced. Soon he was forced to give up the house—he and Melissa couldn’t make the mortgage payments. Cherry daydreamed about moving to California and starting a band.

The Larsens had recently paid a visit to Southern California, to see Meehan and his inner circle, known among ES followers as the Family. In addition to Meehan, his wife, Joy, and their biological daughter—also named Wendy—the Family included their informally adopted daughter, Susan, and her husband, Jeffrey Hamilton, who was Carol Burnett’s stepson. There was also Jake Conway, the son of the TV star who’d once funded Freeway, and his wife; as well as a couple named Byron and Renae Smith. Many of them lived within a few minutes of each other in Escondido, north of San Diego. The Meehans’ home had a vast yard that they’d converted into a kind of park, with footpaths and a Zen garden.

Increasingly, members of the Family were interested in New Age mysticism, and the Larsens had returned from their trip with a pack of Medicine Cards, which, like tarot cards, were supposed to provide insight into an individual’s life. During Cherry’s visit, the Larsens used the cards well into the night. When Cherry drew a card depicting a whale, the Larsens told him it symbolized all the latent wisdom waiting to flow out of him. Cherry was tired and overworked. “I’d been getting the shit kicked out of me,” he said. To hear someone highlight his strengths energized him.

Cherry agreed to move to Phoenix, but he still had concerns. He told the Larsens that he was worried about Meehan. Eight years had passed since he’d sat across from the ES founder in a St. Louis hotel room. Since then, Cherry’s reverence had been tempered with something like fear. He’d seen how the love and understanding Meehan promised his followers could contort into coercion and control.

Part Three

Upon its inception, Icecap consisted of five programs: Crossroads in St. Louis, Insight in Atlanta, and Lifeway, which had branches in Dallas, San Antonio, and Phoenix. Soon they would be joined by a Colorado program, which at first was called Alpha, and later Cornerstone. Formally speaking, Meehan didn’t own or even run these programs. He received his money from Charter Hospital, income that he augmented by hosting paid seminars. When Meehan visited an Icecap program, he conducted two talks—one for clients and one for their parents. Everyone was expected to pay $50 to attend.

Above: Dave Larsen in July 2021.

Nonetheless, local leaders were expected to call Meehan daily to consult on their operations. Meehan also dictated who in Icecap worked where, often moving counselors across the country with little advance notice. As a staff-retention technique, it was perversely effective. Stationed in strange cities, with few or no contacts outside ES, counselors weren’t inclined to leave the world Meehan had built.

In Phoenix, Dave Cherry was happier than he’d been in a long while. Larsen drove him to work at Charter every morning; the friends spent the commute getting excited about the noble work of helping kids stop using drugs. Both had newborns, and in their free time the two families roamed together in a park near the Larsens’ house, a desertscape of red sandstone and saguaro cactus. Some nights Cherry and Larsen—the two Daves—would drive around for hours, talking about God, fatherhood, and ES.

Cherry liked his new job, despite some distinct challenges. Whenever Meehan visited the recovery wing at Charter, which he did frequently, he terrorized the unit’s doctor, according to Cherry. “You take the fucking medications!” Meehan once shouted after the doctor tried prescribing an ES patient psychiatric drugs. (According to Larsen, “any kind of psychiatric medication was a deal breaker” for Meehan; the ES method was supposed to be enough to keep people on an even keel.) Meanwhile, the wing’s staff—most of whom were ES counselors, some as young as 18—were constantly forgetting their badges and keys, creating a hassle for hospital personnel. They had trashed the hospital’s van, used to ferry clients to ES meetings; the interior was covered in graffiti and cigarette burns. At times, when Cherry was chastising his staff and cleaning up after them, his job felt more like parenting than running a hospital unit.

Larsen kept busy expanding the ES program in Phoenix, which at some point was rebranded Pathway. He required counselors to make at least three community contacts each week, by calling or visiting therapists, treatment specialists, family doctors, government officials, probation departments, and drug courts in search of new participants. He estimated that 200 to 300 kids were soon in regular attendance at Pathway meetings, and that, of those, 70 percent paid to go through ES treatment at Charter.

As ever, enjoyment was paramount to the program. Counselors organized tricycle races, DIY game shows, and mock Olympics, in which some participants wore rented sumo suits. There were drug-free raves or dances every weekend, and twice-yearly Round Robins, where attendees were together for 12 hours straight. They were told it was all in service of keeping their demons at bay. Not everyone was an addict, but those who were had an incentive to exaggerate their experiences with substance abuse. As one former client recalled, the most popular kids had been “the most fucked up” and “made the biggest turnaround.”

Some young people passed through ES and continued on with their lives. Others were elevated to the program’s steering committee or staff, entering a world with Meehan and the Family at its center. They were indoctrinated into the belief that Meehan was a spiritual titan, the man who’d invented the philosophy that had saved their lives. Now he was both their boss and adviser. Pleasing him—and his wife, Joy—was both a professional imperative and a way to progress along the path to enlightenment. So when the Meehans insisted on controlling their staff’s personal lives, people went along with it. Joy viewed exercise as an expression of vanity, so ES insiders didn’t work out unless instructed to. Bob, meanwhile, believed that it was disrespectful for men to pee standing up, because they might splash the seat, and were instructed to relieve themselves while sitting.

More significantly, according to multiple sources, ES staff were expected to date one another. Once they were married, women were discouraged from working—for an ES program or anywhere else. They were urged to stay home and raise children. Anyone who resisted the Meehans’ wishes could face their wrath.

Not everyone was an addict, but those who were had an incentive to exaggerate their experiences with substance abuse. As one former client recalled, the most popular kids had been “the most fucked up” and “made the biggest turnaround.”

Cherry began to notice that people at work were acting differently around him. Larsen stopped calling to hang out. Colleagues went silent when he entered the room. He even convinced himself that Melissa was freezing him out: When he tried to talk to his wife, he detected an eerie, curt formality. Cherry racked his brain for what he might have done wrong but came up empty. “I was starting to get scared,” he said.

One Friday afternoon, Susan Hamilton, the Meehans’ adopted daughter, stopped by Cherry’s house while visiting from Escondido. She was a surrogate when Meehan wasn’t present; her words were a reflection of his will. But unlike Meehan, she never yelled or stomped around. “Her demeanor was always very calm and very gentle,” Cherry said. She smiled and tilted her head like a well-meaning social worker. “Pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, until you break,” a person who once knew her recalled.

Hamilton gave Cherry a perfunctory hello and proceeded to the backyard to talk with Melissa. Cherry watched them through sliding glass door while his daughter zoomed around in her diaper. As Hamilton spoke, she repeatedly glanced toward him. When he stepped outside, the women stopped talking. Cherry returned to the kitchen. The dread he’d felt for weeks grew palpable, choking him. After Hamilton left, he was too frightened to ask Melissa what she’d said.

That evening, the Cherrys went to the Pathway office for what was known as a Purpose meeting. Every other Friday night, the staff of each ES program gathered for what were ostensibly forums to work through personal issues—to help one another the way they helped clients. Wives were expected to attend as well. When Cherry arrived, Dave Larsen was already there, and he pulled Cherry into his office.

“Look, man,” Larsen said, “tonight’s Purpose is going to be about you.”

Cherry didn’t know what that meant. Purposes weren’t typically about individual people. Larsen kept talking, matter-of-factly but not without kindness. He said Cherry didn’t have to go through with what was coming next. He could just leave—both the meeting and ES, forever.

Cherry said a silent prayer before stepping into the low-lit meeting room. He saw roughly 15 friends and colleagues seated in a circle of metal folding chairs. The group consisted of Cherry’s entire social world, save the Meehans, who weren’t present. Two seats were empty—Cherry’s and Melissa’s. His wife, Cherry was told, was in another room, talking on the phone with Joy Meehan. Jeffrey Hamilton, Susan’s husband, was at the Cherrys’ house, babysitting their daughter. Cherry was sure that if he got up and left, he would return home to find his daughter gone; she and Melissa would be kept in the ES fold no matter what.

For years afterward, Cherry assumed that Melissa had known what was about to happen. But Melissa said she wasn’t told that her husband would be targeted at the Purpose until she arrived. She also remembered several parts of the night differently than he did. For instance, she didn’t recall Susan Hamilton talking with her privately, nor Jeffrey Hamilton babysitting her daughter.

Dave Larsen was the first to speak. “There are some things that people want to say to you,” he told Cherry. “We just want you to listen. Don’t say anything back.”

A torrent of criticism followed. Someone brought up how, at the hospital, Cherry had chastised the staff about trashing the van. He’d hurt their feelings. “That’s powerful,” Susan Hamilton said, nodding. Wendy Larsen related that she’d once come across Cherry on a cold day. He wasn’t wearing a coat, and she told him he might get sick. Cherry replied that colds aren’t caused by the weather, but by viruses. Cherry wanted to explain—he hadn’t meant anything by it; he just thought it was an interesting fact—but Larsen had directed him not to respond. He heard one of Meehan’s oft-repeated refrains in his head: “If you can’t see how fucked up you are, you’re more fucked up than I thought.”

Everyone in the room piled on, picking apart what felt to Cherry like everything he’d ever done, and tracing each instance back to his fundamental brokenness as a person. Cherry lost track of time. “They tore me to the ground, to the point where I felt like I didn’t even have a right to live,” he said. “I was toxic. Anywhere I went things turned to shit. I would harm people just by being near them.” When the momentum slowed, Cherry recalled, Susan Hamilton encouraged people to speak up.

At one point, Cherry felt as if he were gazing down at his own body. He was terrified. If the group decided that he was too broken to fix, and that he was no longer welcome in ES, he worried that he’d lose more than just his family—he’d almost certainly end up dead. He was an addict, and ES had taught him that this was the defining fact of his existence. Without ES to guide him, he was sure he’d overdose in some dark alley, alone and unloved.

The Purpose lasted several hours. The participants finally filed out of the office close to midnight. According to several people present, the Meehans orchestrated the entire thing—from the meeting itself to some of the things people said. Larsen said that, to this day, he isn’t sure why it happened. Though people had complained about some of Cherry’s behavior, it was the first time the Meehans had ever taken so personal an interest in confronting a staff member. “I just took directions,” Larsen said.

Several people there that night said they believed Cherry might kill himself. But the Purpose compelled Cherry to double down on his commitment to ES. “That was the thing that changed me from a person who might question Meehan,” Cherry said, “to someone who was fully in.”

If the group decided that he was too broken to fix, and that he was no longer welcome in ES, he’d lose more than just his family—he’d almost certainly end up dead.

Targeted confrontation became a regular feature of life in ES. This extended beyond Phoenix to every city where Meehan’s programs operated. The atmosphere at Icecap’s branches was soon laced with terror. Everyone knew they could be next, that the slightest mistake might one day be weaponized against them.

Eventually, word came down that the Family would move to Phoenix full-time. According to Larsen, Meehan described what they’d build there as “the front of all human spiritual evolution.” Larsen remembered Meehan talking for a time about visiting a Zen monastery in Japan, then deciding it would be pointless. “What could they teach me?” Meehan said.

News of the move to Phoenix hit Cherry hard. He was still recovering from his Purpose, and still believed what he’d been told that night. “I thought something was wrong with me, and that Bob and especially Joy could see that,” Cherry said. Many people in ES believed that Joy could read minds and even enter their dreams.

By then the Meehans had built a system of total surveillance and control based in part on the tenets of AA. ES branch directors were sponsored by Meehan, their wives were sponsored by Joy, counselors were sponsored by directors, and clients were sponsored by counselors. AA’s fourth step (and ES’s fifth) reads: “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Accordingly, each ES adherent was expected to provide their sponsor with a detailed account of their secrets and fears, as well as their failures to abide by ES orthodoxy. In turn, that information was used to manipulate the individual and their relationships. Jacqueline Leibler, a former ES counselor in Atlanta and co-founder of the advocacy group Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse Alliance, recalled entering a romantic relationship with a coworker simply to get her boss off her back about dating within the program. When she refused to sleep with the coworker, her boss and his wife—who was also Leibler’s ES sponsor—told her, “You need to at least give him blowjobs.” Leibler caved so that they would leave her alone.

For his part, Cherry was forbidden from watching television or reading books other than those sanctioned by Meehan or AA. He was prohibited from making purchases without first consulting the Meehans. And he was told that he could no longer speak with his parents. Were Cherry to break any of these rules, he could expect Melissa to let the Meehans know about it, possibly prompting another Purpose and risking exile. When Cherry’s father knocked on the family’s door one day—he’d flown from St. Louis after months had passed without word from his son—Melissa and their three-year-old daughter cowered in the bathroom until he gave up and drove away.

But even as he did everything he was told, Cherry kept getting the same message from the Family: Something was wrong with him. Just as they had in Escondido, the Meehans had a Zen garden in the backyard of their Phoenix home, and senior ES staff were permitted to visit it whenever they liked. At times of acute anxiety, Cherry sometimes went there to think. He always hoped Meehan might step outside, pleasantly surprised to find him there. He pictured Meehan sitting beside him and telling him that he was OK, that he was safe, that he wouldn’t find himself the subject of another Purpose tomorrow, next week, or ever.

Cherry sat in the Zen garden for more hours than he could count. Meehan never came.

Cherry was forbidden from watching television or reading books other than those sanctioned by Meehan or AA. He was prohibited from making purchases without first consulting the Meehans. And he was told that he could no longer speak with his parents.

“I’m in love.”

That’s what Wendy Meehan, Bob and Joy’s daughter, told Wendy Larsen one day when they were out for a drive. The Meehans’ only biological child was in her early twenties, and it was common knowledge that her parents were trying to find her a suitable husband. Recently, at an Icecap convention in San Diego, Wendy Meehan had connected with Clint Stonebraker, who ran the Atlanta program. Stonebreaker had come to ES in his mid-teens. He was svelte, clean-cut, and unfailingly cheerful. In a social world notable for the zeal of its converts, he stood out for his fervency. “Bob Meehan Jr.” is how one former ES counselor described him.

Stonebraker and Wendy Meehan had struck up an intense phone correspondence and even met for a first date. This was unsettling news for Wendy Larsen. She’d been involved with Stonebraker in the past—a three-month fling when they were both working in St. Louis. At a team meeting shortly after they broke up, she mockingly stuck her tongue out at him. Stonebraker reportedly stormed across the room and whipped her across the head three times with his “monkey fist,” a small metal ball encased in leather and strung on a necklace, given to ES members after 30 days of sobriety. A source present when this happened confirmed the incident; both Dave Larsen and a onetime member of the Family who asked to remain anonymous said they heard about it after the fact.

According to Wendy Larsen, she told Wendy Meehan about the attack, who in turn told her mother. Joy questioned Stonebraker, who denied hitting his ex. When asked about the matter for this story, Stonebraker wrote in an email, “If Joy and I had that conversation I did deny it because the incident with Wendy didn’t happen.”

A month after their first date, Stonebraker and Wendy Meehan were engaged. Bob and Joy asked Dave Larsen to hire Stonebraker in Phoenix so that he could move there to be with his fiancée. When Stonebraker arrived, Wendy Larsen apologized for provoking him all those years ago in St. Louis. She said that he refused to acknowledge that he’d hit her. (Stonebraker would neither confirm nor deny that the conversation took place. “Wendy Larsen and I had a good relationship during my time in Phoenix,” he wrote in an email.)

Dave Larsen had always seemed like the natural successor to Meehan, and he’d been groomed accordingly. But once Stonebraker was in Phoenix, the perception of Larsen began to change. The idea trickled down from the very top of the ES hierarchy that Larsen was, in recovery-speak, “self-will run riot.” Not everyone understood the shift in opinion—a former Family member said, “I never understood what Dave had done wrong.

The eventual, inevitable Purpose remains one of the most traumatizing events of Larsen’s life. People’s ferocity in attacking him seemed linked to the relief that it wasn’t their turn. Afterward, Larsen fell apart. He stopped showing up for work. When the Meehans asked him to hand control of Pathway over to Stonebraker—to give up everything he’d built in Phoenix—Larsen didn’t resist. He believed the things he was told. “I didn’t want to hurt the program,” Larsen said. “I felt like I was doing the right thing—protecting it from me.”

In short order, he was sent to run a struggling ES program in Colorado, taking his family with him. Before he left, Larsen was given one last major task: securing a horse and carriage to surprise Stonebraker and Wendy Meehan with at their wedding.

“I didn’t want to hurt the program,” Larsen said. “I felt like I was doing the right thing—protecting it from me.”

Cherry was working 80-hour weeks at the time, still laboring to get back into the Family’s good graces. He continued to run the Meehan Recovery Center at Charter Hospital, a full-time job. In addition, he made sure that various ES programs complied with state law and other regulations. It was something of a specialty of his. He’d reviewed the coursework for the Meehan Institute, a new “school” in Phoenix, where aspiring counselors were versed in the ES method; he’d done the same with the protocols for Step Two, a residential rehab facility modeled on the failed SLIC Ranch in California. The day Cherry finished that project, he was summoned to speak with Meehan at the Stonebrakers’ house.

The Meehans and the Stonebrakers lived next door to each other. Most ES staff made do with cramped quarters—a consequence of their low salaries—but not those two families. They owned homes with swimming pools, formal dining rooms, and multicar garages. In the Stonebrakers’ backyard, a brick path led to a garden bench, which is where Cherry met Meehan that day. Meehan’s legs were crossed, and he was cradling a large stick stripped of its bark. “I just knew he was going to hit me with that stick,” Cherry recalled.

Meehan instructed him to come close. “You’re afraid,” Cherry remembered Meehan saying, “and that’s a problem. You’re run by fear.” A thwack landed on Cherry’s side. “The pain you’re feeling now—that’s real,” Meehan said. “Everything else, all your fear—it’s in your head.”

The solution, Meehan continued, was a week alone in the desert. At the time, the yet-to-open Step Two was nothing more than a double-wide trailer on the edge of the San Tan Mountains. Meehan told Cherry to use that as his base camp—a place to sleep and use the bathroom—and to spend the rest of his time outdoors, getting in touch with his “true, sociopathic male self.” When he was out there, Meehan said, Cherry would be afraid. Afraid that the Family had his wife fucking some other guy. Afraid that they had shipped Melissa and Cherry’s daughter off to another city. Afraid that he’d come home to an empty house. Cherry needed to rid himself of these fears, Meehan said. In fact, he needed to rid himself of all feeling.

Meehan instructed him to drive home, pack some clothes, and tell Melissa that he’d be back, but not where he was going. Cherry did as he was instructed. Then he drove to the Step Two trailer and, for reasons he couldn’t articulate to himself, decided to dig a grave. Outside the double-wide, he found a shovel; moments later he was making a hole in the ground. The grave would be for his parents—he’d decided to kill the part of himself still attached to them and bury it forever. But the dirt was hard, unyielding. So he flung the shovel aside and ran, as if trying to outpace the images swirling around his head: a moving truck, Melissa packing up their photo albums and their daughter’s toys, the Family’s laughter as they sent her off with another man.

While he ran, an idea descended on him. He would build his own Zen garden, like the one in the Meehans’ backyard. It was suddenly very important that he find the right rocks, three total—one for him, one for Melissa, and one for their daughter. The hunt led him deep into the desert. The sun was setting when he realized that he was lost. His panic spiked with thoughts of scorpions and spiders. He heard the yips of coyotes. He gathered a bunch of small rocks—potential weapons, he thought—and climbed atop a boulder. He spent the night up there, crouched and fearful, only setting out to find the trailer when the sun came up again.

After that night, Cherry lost his fear of nature. He slept outdoors and spent his days running, smoking, and writing in the sun—he’d brought a little notebook and filled it with memories. One night he thought about how, on his way to the desert, he’d stopped at a roadside shop for some food and bottled water. The woman behind the counter had been in a buoyant mood, smiling and making conversation. Meehan always told ES staff that they were the luckiest people on the planet, the only ones who were genuinely fulfilled. And yet Cherry realized that he was miserable. The woman at the store seemed happier.

“I’m thinking, there are millions of people out there, and they’re not going through the shit I’m going through,” Cherry said. “They’re sleeping sound. They’re getting up and sending their children to school. They’re not worried about a bunch of people packing their wife off to live with some other guy.”

A thought—wholly contrary to why Meehan had sent Cherry to the desert, and terrifying in its implications—took shape over the next several hours: Meehan was just a man. He couldn’t take anything from Cherry if Cherry didn’t let him. By the time he drove back to Phoenix, Cherry was determined to get out of his predicament—to leave ES for good.

The grave would be for his parents—he’d decided to kill the part of himself still attached to them and bury it forever.

Despite the prohibition on exercise, Cherry was allowed to rollerblade. He did it at night, after Melissa went to sleep, exploring his neighborhood’s shortcuts and byways, seeking the quickest path to the Meehans’ house. He found that he could get there and back in 17 minutes: Melissa would never know he was gone. He got several mason jars, which he hid in some bushes. Now he needed gasoline. The Meehans, he knew, kept their kitchen door unlocked and slept in separate beds, each with a fan facing it. He decided to go inside their home one night, light Molotov cocktails, and hurl them at the couple’s headboards.

Cherry believed that there was no other way of leaving ES with his family intact. With Melissa under the Meehans’ sway, he couldn’t persuade her to go with him. One night he came home to find large red dots plastered around the house. Joy, he knew, had instructed Melissa to put them up, as reminders of something. When he asked what they were for, Melissa told him it was none of his business.

In the end, what stopped him from trying to kill the people who controlled his life were the headlines that kept flashing in his head—the media holding up Meehan as someone who had devoted his life to helping others, only to be murdered by a man he’d tried desperately to save. Cherry didn’t want that. Meehan didn’t deserve a glowing postscript.

But the reasons for Cherry to leave kept piling up. Despite their pious front, the Meehans routinely ridiculed religious people, and one night they led Cherry to their bedroom and made him drop to his knees and renounce God; later, Bob Meehan told him that “the closest thing you have to God in your life is me.” An ES counselor who’d pleaded in vain for help with a depressive client was later blamed for the client’s suicide and subjected to a damaging Purpose. Another got pregnant and, according to a half-dozen people with knowledge of the situation, was coerced by the Meehans into getting an abortion. Meanwhile, Jeffrey Hamilton, Susan’s husband, became gravely ill with hepatitis C and needed a liver transplant. The Meehans insisted that the operation would damage him spiritually; they prescribed cleanses and the 12 steps to get well. When her husband died, Susan was excommunicated from the ES world—apparently, near the end, Jeffrey had seen a doctor with her encouragement. (Multiple people I spoke to believe Jeffrey would have lived were it not for the Meehans. Susan Hamilton did not respond to requests for comment.)

Cherry was determined to find a way to get his family out. Driving home from work each day, he put on a Deepak Chopra tape and prepared himself to pretend, for Melissa, that he was still fully immersed in ES. He also went against the Family’s edict and bought a book by an outsider, Combating Cult Mind Control, by Steve Hassan, hoping it would provide guidance on how to reach his wife. Cherry scrawled excerpts from the book on slips of paper and kept them in his pockets to fortify his resolve. The book advised seeking opportunities to discuss what life was like before a person joined a cult, but that was difficult for Cherry, because communication in his marriage was conducted through the Meehans. “Melissa talked to Joy, Joy talked to Bob, Bob talked to me,” Cherry said, and vice versa.

He hoped to have more luck with another of the book’s suggestions: waiting until your loved one is at odds with the group, then broaching the subject of leaving. Months went by before Cherry had his chance. He and Melissa wanted to have a second child, and Melissa asked Joy for permission. She returned from their meeting crestfallen: Joy had said no. Cherry decided it was time to make a move.

“I don’t feel any passion anymore,” he said. This felt safe. Depending on Melissa’s reaction, he could pull back—writing off what he’d said as just thinking aloud—or go further.

“I feel the same way,” Melissa replied.

Soon after, the couple decided to depart ES together. The plan was to leave Phoenix behind, go somewhere else, figure out a new chapter for their lives. It all started simply enough: Cherry told Meehan that he was quitting his job at Charter Hospital, and he gave 30 days’ notice. Meehan took Cherry’s resignation calmly, almost like he’d expected it—or didn’t believe it was real.

A few months prior, Meehan had decided that he wanted to get a new Icecap branch off the ground in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Cherry was supposed to handle the licensing. After announcing that he was leaving, Cherry repeatedly asked Meehan if he’d informed the families in Pennsylvania, who’d offered support for the planned program. Meehan kept putting it off, so Cherry took it upon himself to call the main contact.

The man listened to Cherry’s explanation, then said, “How about you come out here and run the program yourself?” Cherry tried clarifying—he wasn’t just leaving Arizona, he was leaving ES. The guy cut him off midsentence. He understood, but he still wanted Cherry to come. The program wouldn’t have to be a part of Icecap. It wouldn’t have to be linked to Meehan in any way. It would just be a recovery initiative for teens in need.

Cherry took the job, working out the logistics in secret. He would call Allentown from unoccupied rooms at Charter, worried that Meehan had tapped his phone. In 1998, the Cherrys gathered up their belongings and quietly left Phoenix. ES insiders interviewed decades later still believed that the couple had fled without warning in the middle of the night.

Part Four

For five years, Dave Larsen didn’t know where the Cherrys had gone. It was as if they simply vanished. No one told the Larsens anything when they visited Phoenix from Colorado a few times a year, and they never asked.

Above: Meehan and ES-related mementos given to program participants.

During one trip, in 1999, Wendy Larsen was lounging on a couch, catching up with two female friends in ES, when a turn in the conversation caused her to sit up straight. The women were talking about Clint Stonebraker. This in itself was risky—he was part of the Family, and gossip always seemed to get back to them. Since the Larsens’ move to Colorado, Stonebraker had settled comfortably into power: In addition to taking over Pathway, he now ran the Meehan Institute. “To talk about Clint was terrifying,” said one of the women who spoke to Wendy that day. “It could’ve been the end of me.” But the women talked anyway, and what one of them related left Wendy aghast.

The woman, who agreed to speak with me on condition of anonymity, said that Stonebraker’s verbal attacks on his colleagues had become relentless. He would seize on some perceived character defect and probe it relentlessly. “Somebody who sneezed or made a sound, for weeks, months, he would make fun of them for it,” the woman said. She also said that Stonebraker had accused her of using her “tits to get attention.” Taking issue with the way she dressed, he’d deputized his wife to prepare daily instructions of what to wear and how to do her hair and makeup.

Multiple sources echoed these claims about Stonebraker’s behavior. Jacqueline Leibler, who worked at Insight in Atlanta, said he “would just find any vulnerability, anything you felt insecure about, and he would voice it in front of the room.” She recalled Stonebraker mocking her for crying in a Purpose meeting. According to several people, he screamed at women and called them names. Dave Larsen remembered him using “hideous misogynistic terms” in conversation, including “slam holes” and “cum dumpsters.”

After a teenaged Pathway client named Shelly Mason was in a terrible car wreck that necessitated air evacuation and a six-week hospital stay, she was summoned to Stonebraker’s office, where he berated her and insisted that she’d crashed because she was spiritually sick. According to Mason, she was instructed to view the accident as a “relapse” and told to persuade her parents to put her in treatment at Step Two, at a cost of roughly $10,000. Mason, who is diabetic, said that Stonebraker also told her that she’d willed her disease into existence, and that only if she got rid of it would she be allowed to attend the Meehan Institute when she turned 18. (She didn’t enroll at the institute.)

When she heard about Stonebraker’s behavior, Wendy Larsen was furious. She had warned the Meehans about him. This time she wasn’t going to be cowed. She asked her husband to address the issue, and Dave called in Frank Szachta, the longtime head of the ES branch in St. Louis and someone the Meehans trusted. Bob and Joy, when told about their son-in-law’s behavior, agreed that action was needed. Stonebraker was subjected to a Purpose that was as brutal as any Dave Larsen had seen. Afterward, according to a source present at the time, Szachta “facilitated several discussions” with ES staff about Stonebraker’s conduct, “making it clear that these things were not OK.”

Stonebraker spent some time off—a week, in his recollection. “I was definitely overly aggressive at that time,” he wrote in an email, in which he also denied specific allegations made against him, including his treatment of Shelly Mason. When Stonebraker returned to work, he delivered a round of personal apologies. But soon after, according to multiple former colleagues, he was back to his old self.

Meanwhile, rumors began to circulate about Wendy Larsen—that she was messed up, sick, a bad mother. According to Dave Larsen, Meehan told him that for one year, he was to leave for work early, come home late, and stick to superficial conversation with his wife, as punishment. “They told me not to talk to her about anything real,” Larsen said. The same tactic had been used to break up other couples, according to former ES followers.

Wendy Larsen was growing sick of ES. She was also bored. “I felt like, is this all there is?” she recalled. She dreaded going to even one more Purpose. She felt her husband pulling away but didn’t know why. So she turned her attention to her own needs. She joined a church orchestra and took hot-yoga classes, both of which lowered her even further in the Family’s esteem. When she told her husband privately, in their kitchen, that she didn’t want to be like the Meehans—“I don’t want to have their marriage”—he told her not to say that sort of thing out loud. The Family might hear somehow.

The Colorado program that Dave Larsen had been sent to run was booming. The Family knew this because Renae Smith, one of its members, handled the books for some of the Icecap branches. Larsen had been paying Meehan a few thousand dollars per month—a consultant’s fee—but when Meehan realized how well things were going in Colorado, he insisted that he receive an additional $40,000. Meehan called it a “sacrament,” Larsen said. Larsen gave him the money.

Things took a turn for the worse in 2003. While Larsen was visiting the Family, Joy told him, “You know, there are other ways out of that marriage besides death.” Slowly, the Meehans worked to convince Larsen that his marriage was tainted, until finally he agreed to leave Wendy. He cried night after night, so Bob Meehan suggested that he spend ten days in St. Louis talking to Frank Szachta. Before leaving, Larsen stopped by his family’s home to pack. He and Wendy talked briefly, and Larsen felt a flutter of uncertainty. Then, in St. Louis, while Szachta was extolling Meehan’s virtues for the millionth time, Larsen had an epiphany at odds with the Family’s plans for him. What ES provided wasn’t love, he thought. It wasn’t even real.

Larsen raced back to his family—he drove so fast from the airport he was pulled over for speeding. “I want to be home again,” he told Wendy when he arrived at the front door. She agreed. He held his family in an embrace. That night they decided to leave ES.

When Larsen’s friends had fled or been excommunicated, he’d never thought to track them down. According to Meehan, they were dangerous; contacting them risked courting spiritual infection. But with ES in the rearview mirror, Larsen knew he’d been wrong. “It was immediate,” Larsen said. “I wanted my friendships back.” He got online and started searching.

Joy told Larsen, “You know, there are other ways out of that marriage besides death.”

For months after Dave Cherry left ES, he’d worried that the Family would send someone to Allentown to kill him. He barely slept—he still believed Joy could enter his dreams. His anxiety made it difficult to function. He would go to the grocery store and an hour later realize he was standing in an aisle with an empty cart. It was like he’d gone into a fugue state. Once while driving, he summoned the courage to call a hotline for cult survivors and managed a few barely coherent sentences before he rear-ended another car. “I just knew the reason I got in that crash was that I’d ratted out Bob,” Cherry said. “I’d taken Family stuff outside the Family.”

Eventually, Cherry sought help from a counselor. As they talked, Cherry noticed that the man was always a step ahead of him. He seemed to know where all of Cherry’s stories were leading. The counselor specialized in the care of people who’d left cults, and it turned out that there were legions of Bob Meehans out there and even more Dave Cherrys—charismatic, monomaniacal, abusive leaders, and the followers they brainwashed. The clinical literature was vast, and Cherry tore through it, finding a language for everything he’d been through.

In 2003, Dave Larsen found Cherry online and called him. They had years of their lives to catch up on. Their families decided to vacation together in New York City. Once the two Daves were back together, it felt like no time had passed. They talked for hours about their respective ordeals, but Larsen visibly winced when Cherry used the word “cult.” In Larsen’s telling, “I thought Dave was being a little dramatic.”

It wasn’t until Larsen found the cult expert Steve Hassan’s work that he understood what Cherry was talking about. Hassan laid out criteria for what makes a group a cult, including regulating an individual’s physical reality, minimizing or discouraging access to non-cult sources of information, ritualistic and sometimes public confession of sins, and financial exploitation, manipulation, or dependence. ES met all the criteria. “It blew my mind,” Larsen said. “This wasn’t 80 percent—this was 100 percent.”

By the end of the New York trip, the friends had decided to go into business together, to start a new kind of teen treatment program, a rebuke to ES. They would do recovery the right way. The Cherrys, who by then had a second daughter, would relocate to Denver. The families would support each other. Within two months, the two Daves had leased an office.

Right before the move to Colorado, Cherry was doing something he often did: searching the internet for information about ES that reflected his experience and coming up empty-handed. No one, it seemed, had ever been able to expose the abuse and control that sustained the world Meehan built. Together, the Cherrys decided to create a website that changed that. Melissa suggested the name for it. Meehan often told his followers that, in prison, if you wanted to signal sincerity, you’d say you were “on the emmis.” (Emmis means “truth” in Yiddish, though it’s unclear if Meehan knew that.) The phrase had become ES slang, used when someone wanted to emphasize that they weren’t joking. “For real, man, this is on the emmis,” an ES acolyte might say.

OntheEmmis.com went live in the spring of 2004. Larsen, once feted by Meehan for his promotional skills, called and emailed other people he knew who’d escaped the Family’s gravitational pull, encouraging them to go to the site. In “no time at all,” Cherry said, roughly 100 people had submitted personal stories. Former ES believers used the site’s message boards to vent or reconnect; parents used them to track down kids they’d lost to Meehan’s pull. “It was a period of empowerment,” Larsen said. “We wanted some justice. We wanted to stand up to these fuckers and say, ‘We’re not scared of you anymore.’”

The website attracted the attention of journalist Abbie Boudreau, a reporter for an ABC affiliate in Phoenix. She crisscrossed the country interviewing people for a segment. Larsen and Cherry spoke to her. Boudreau also cornered Meehan on his way to an AA meeting in Atlanta, where the Family had relocated a few years prior. Meehan turned, saw the camera, and hustled into the building. From there the news crew drove to the local Icecap branch, still called Insight, and knocked on the door.

“We’re looking for Bob Meehan,” Boudreau said.

“OK, um … no comment,” a counselor in the doorway said.

Inside, a Family member looked frantically for Clint Stonebraker only to realize that he wasn’t there. Apparently, he’d been alerted that the crew was coming and had slipped out to avoid the cameras. (Stonebraker said he didn’t recall Boudreau coming to the office.)

As with the 60 Minutes episode 25 years earlier, Boudreau’s 2005 segment aired immediately after the Super Bowl, albeit only in Phoenix. The bulk of the segment consisted of footage of Meehan shot years earlier by Bob Warren, an ES follower who later left the program. “Supposedly, I was making training tapes. Well, they were terrible training tapes—they were just Bob spouting bullshit,” Warren said in an interview for this story. “He illustrated himself real well. So I sent the only copies of those tapes I had to Dave Cherry, who sent them to the TV station.”

Whittled down to a handful of damning sound bites, the footage presents Meehan as demented and bigoted. Wiry and energized, with close-cropped patches of white hair on either side of his head, he tells people training to be counselors, “Don’t think about what’s going on at home. Let those crazy motherfuckers eat their own shit.” At one point he sings the words “White woman with a n—er, white woman with a n—er.” He insists, “We don’t have fat people here. There are no fat people on staff.”

When Cherry saw the segment, he threw his fist in the air. “I was just in heaven, man,” he said. “I was so excited.”

No one, it seemed, had ever been able to expose the abuse and control that sustained the world Meehan built. Together, the Cherrys decided to create a website that changed that.

Stonebraker was furious. Soon after the exposé aired, he reportedly smashed a sack full of home movies with a hammer in the Insight office. “Why do we have these fucking VHS tapes?” he screamed, according to one staff member present that day. Stonebraker had found them scattered around the office and was worried, the staff member said, that more footage of Meehan would leak. (Stonebraker denied that the incident happened.)

There may have been other information the Family wished to keep private. Multiple sources said that racism had become an increasingly pronounced part of ES culture because of Stonebraker. “It permeated everything,” Dave Larsen said. “It wasn’t just incidents—it was at the core.” According to several of Stonebraker’s subordinates at the time, he’d wanted to move to Georgia’s Forsyth County because, he claimed, it was the whitest county in America. (In 1912, the white population there waged a campaign of terror that drove the entire Black community out.) According to Larsen, when a Family member who was Native American talked about having a child with his wife, the Family maneuvered to break them up, because Stonebraker didn’t want children who weren’t white in his neighborhood. Stonebraker allegedly kept a collection of slave figurines on prominent display in his living room, which according to several sources he called “my little n—ers,” and he once had Insight T-shirts with Confederate flags on them made for every staff member.

Former colleagues claimed that, in addition to routinely disparaging racial minorities, both Stonebraker and Meehan owned guns and encouraged ES followers to do the same. “It was very, very survivalist—us against them,” a onetime counselor recalled. Multiple sources described a Christmas party at the Stonebrakers’ house during which a few Black teenagers were spotted on the street outside. Stonebraker and Meehan allegedly grabbed handguns, yelling about “these dirty n—ers.” In the end nothing happened, but staff trainees at the party were so rattled that Stonebraker later apologized to them.

When asked for comment about these claims, Stonebraker wrote, “There are terms I have used in the past which I regret. I have learned a lot through the years and have changed that behavior.” He insisted that “racism is not a part of the culture at Insight,” and denied the specific allegations against him. He said that the Insight T-shirts were printed with the Georgia state flag, which from 1956 to 2003 included an emblem of the Confederate battle flag. He also said “race was not involved” in the incident at the Christmas party. “There were people … who felt threatened by a group of young people who did not live in the neighborhood,” he wrote. “A couple of people went outside to investigate the situation, and the police were called.”

The trainees at the party were from the Meehan Institute, which was flourishing. It, too, had relocated from Arizona to Georgia. Tuition was $4,000 per person. The trainees were former ES clients. Many of them went from an ES program to the institute, with little intervening time in the outside world.

Under Stonebraker, several former trainees said, the institute’s curriculum focused less on bolstering people’s counseling abilities than on teaching techniques of persuasion. Once they were counselors, they would need to coax people not only into sending their kids to support groups, but also into paying for more intensive treatment. “They were teaching you how to find an objection, how to overcome it, how to convince someone to do something that wasn’t financially viable for them at that moment,” a former trainee recalled. The goal was to create a sense of urgency in the parents.

Meanwhile, a onetime trainee said, entire days were given up to discussions of “how homosexuality is evil and unnatural.” Another former student at the institute recalled Meehan coming to class one day and running down a long list of groups ES believers “don’t accept”: Black people, gay people, poor people, Mexicans. One ES client from this period, who is half Hispanic, recalled a counselor turning the rest of her support group against her and two other clients who weren’t white, calling them “illegals” and “wetbacks.” She said that, as she cried, “they would be laughing at me, saying I’m not American, I don’t belong there, and I’m like, ‘Hello! I was born here!’”

“They were teaching you how to find an objection, how to overcome it, how to convince someone to do something that wasn’t financially viable for them at that moment.

Within days of the news segment airing in Phoenix, someone hurled a brick through Pathway’s window. The building was also graffitied. A follow-up report on the local ABC affiliate noted that, in just two weeks, OntheEmmis.com had received some 300,000 page views. The segment concluded with a note from Meehan’s lawyer indicating that his client had decided to retire. “It is unfortunate,” the note read, “that a proud and proven legacy is being attacked at its twilight by a few disgruntled former employees who themselves were able to kick their habits with the help of Mr. Meehan.”

What, though, did retirement for Meehan really mean? In practice not much. He stopped hosting talks and seminars that people paid to attend, but according to former program staff he remained the ES guru. His book was still pushed on clients’ parents as a how-to manual. He still sponsored branch directors. And Stonebraker, the most powerful of those leaders, was still Meehan’s son-in-law.

ES staff went to great lengths to project normalcy, though the damage inflicted by the news segments and OntheEmmis.com grew. A former ES staff member recalled finding a scrap of paper with the URL written on it tucked under her windshield wiper one day. Purpose meetings turned into “witch hunts,” the woman said, with higher-ups trying to determine who was to blame for declining attendance at program meetings. By 2009, ES employees around the country had stopped receiving regular paychecks. Many of them kept working anyway. It was the culture Meehan had created. According to Jacqueline Leibler, ES taught people to think, “If you’re having money problems, it’s actually a spiritual problem and you need to deal with the spiritual problem.

ES leadership seemed confident about the future. After all, Meehan and his method had weathered bad press before. What didn’t dissipate with time avid believers could work to suppress. The mother of one ES client recalled her daughter being told that if she watched the Phoenix news segment on YouTube, she would relapse into substance abuse.

Meek Publishing, a small imprint run by the Family, issued a revised edition of Meehan’s book in 2000, and a year later it published a new title. Bumper Stickers: A Simple Process to Self Improvement promised easy ways “to guarantee that you are going in the right direction based on your own definitions.” Meanwhile, Stonebraker rebranded himself as an all-purpose self-help guru. He hosted paid seminars and published a book titled Relationships for the Intimately Challenged (in later printings, Connected: The Art of Building Relationships). One section of the book seemed intended to telegraph his—and perhaps the entire Family’s—reaction to the efforts to expose ES spearheaded by Cherry and Larsen. The section describes a man named Chris, a drug-recovery counselor who is “very angry all of the time.” After resigning from the treatment facility where he worked, “he wasn’t satisfied with simply moving on with his life.” The book continues:

He held others responsible for his plight in life and was determined to make others pay. He found other disgruntled former employees and made it his mission to bring the facility to its knees. His plan failed, and he will continue this unhappy life until he understands it is his flawed belief systems and his inability to take responsibility for his own decisions and actions which created the situation and relationships of failure and dissatisfaction.

Part Five

One night in December 2017, Lanie Murphy watched her best friend die. They were street racing—Murphy, then 17, was in her car, while her friend was on his motorcycle—when a driver ran a red light. The car slammed into the motorcycle, killing the rider instantly.

Above: Cherry in July 2021.

For Murphy, who already struggled with substance abuse, the next 20 days were a blur of blackouts and arrests, pain pills and PCP. Her parents turned to Google for help, and soon sent her to a rehab facility in Gilbert, Arizona: Step Two Recovery, the same place where 20 years earlier Dave Cherry had tried to dig his parents’ grave. The program was still part of the ES empire, which in recent years had grown once again.

The bad press and backlash had been all but forgotten. Insight was still going strong in Georgia, as was Pathway in Phoenix and Crossroads in St. Louis. Between 2016 and 2020, new ES outposts opened in Sacramento, California, in Tampa, Florida, in Raleigh, North Carolina, and in Peachtree City, Georgia. Preparations soon began for one in Nashville, Tennessee. Additional ES programs have opened under the umbrella of a nonprofit called Full Circle; they’re run out of Catholic churches in Arizona, Colorado, Georgia, and Missouri.

Icecap was dissolved after the ABC segment in Phoenix, and the existing ES programs don’t advertise their organizational connections. But they form an ecosystem of sorts. Stonebraker sits on Full Circle’s board and runs six ES programs; the rest are run by Meehan acolytes involved with ES for decades. Counselors started out as clients and were trained at the Meehan Institute. They routinely send teenagers to ES residential centers—there are a total of four of these in Georgia and Arizona, including Step Two. All of them are owned and operated by Byron and Renae Smith. 

Almost from the moment Lanie Murphy entered Step Two, she was hooked. “I fell head over heels for it—all the attention and the love,” she said of the ES method. By the end of her stay, she had resolved to become a counselor. In June 2019, she was invited to join seven other trainees in Georgia for the Meehan Institute’s summer session. “I thought my life’s dream had come true,” she said.

The three-month training included long days of ES instruction—how to sell a parent on the program, how to guide a client through the steps—cut with rushed, perfunctory dips into more mainstream treatment methods. What distinguished that summer session from the many that had come before was that it would be the last time Meehan made an appearance at the institute. Nearing 80, he wasn’t dying, but he wasn’t well.

The trainees were familiar with the Meehan myth, and his visit occasioned great excitement. “Everybody was freaking out in my class, like we were meeting Kim Kardashian or something,” Murphy said. The young women in the program woke up early to do their makeup and worry over outfits. The meeting would be held at the Step One house—Step One is similar to Step Two, but for clients over 18—and the entire facility was scoured clean before Meehan’s arrival.

When he appeared, he was an old man with a portable oxygen tank and a tube hooked to his nose. He asked the trainees what he’d asked thousands of young people over the previous four decades: their name, age, and pick of poison. They rapped for a few hours, and then Meehan hugged every trainee, sitting down between embraces to catch his breath. He looked into each person’s eyes and said, “I love you.”

After graduation, Murphy was assigned to work in Georgia. Based on her account and those of more than a dozen recent ES clients, the program’s methods have changed little. Parents are pressured to enroll their children in the program; clients are encouraged to cut ties with friends, and occasionally with their own families. Teenagers with mental or physical illnesses are told that their problems are fabricated or symptoms of addiction. One client recalled being made to quit taking antidepressants, another her thyroid medication. Young people who open up about being sexually assaulted are blamed for what happened to them and discouraged from going to the police. Clients who’ve attempted suicide are berated for selfishness. (Stonebraker denied these claims, as did Renae Smith.)

It was the program’s hostility toward LGBTQ clients in particular that bothered Murphy. Some of the clients she counseled struggled with their sexuality, and she felt unprepared to help them. Multiple ES clients, from the 1970s to the present, said they were taught that homosexuality was a symptom of addiction. After Step Two opened, if a kid in an ES program was openly gay, or was suspected of being gay, they were referred to the center in Arizona for treatment. Meehan himself allegedly counseled some ES insiders about their attraction to members of the same sex in what amounted to conversion therapy. (According to Renae Smith, Step Two does not view being gay as being a symptom of addiction and “does not discriminate on the basis of sexual preference for admission to the program.”)

Eventually, Murphy wanted to leave ES, but she had no savings. She made $180 a week for upwards of 110 hours of work. The free room and board intended to justify these low wages were squalid. Initially, Murphy slept in a smoke-stained room in Step One’s basement, until a pipe leaked and caused ceiling damage. After that she slept on someone’s living room couch. Meals rarely rose above dorm fare—ramen, SpaghettiOs. In spare moments, Murphy wondered where all the program’s money went. (According to Renae Smith, as of 2021, a 45-day stay at Step Two in Arizona cost $16,500.)

Purposes were still venues for targeted psychological terror. Contact with people outside ES was tacitly forbidden. Murphy secretly made some friends on Twitter, and on one occasion she drove to a car show to hang out with them. When she returned, she was met with accusations that she’d gotten high. That she must have done drugs. That she was hiding something.

For many staff, a vicious cycle set in: Without money, they were stuck, even if some or every part of them was desperate to leave. “Your life is in their hands,” Murphy said. “Are you going to risk losing your job and having nowhere to go and no savings, or are you just going to be compliant?”

Then Murphy caught a break: The first $1,200 government check sent during the COVID-19 pandemic was her ticket out. She fled the ES world in May 2020.

Since leaving, she has linked up with a community of disaffected former clients and staff. A Facebook group, created in November 2020, now has more than 700 members, who share stories and provide support. Clients from the 1980s and ’90s commiserate with their 2010s counterparts, marveling at how little has changed. Many posts mourn people who overdosed: ES, it seems, keeps genuine addicts off substances only as long as they’re inside the bubble; it doesn’t necessarily give them the tools they need to stay sober when they leave. Numerous clients who were in ES programs over the past decade said they wanted to talk for this story because they couldn’t stand to see any more tragedy. “It’s been too much death, man,” one source said. “I don’t want to see any more dead kids.”

Recently, an offshoot of the main Facebook group began organizing. In Zoom meetings, its members coordinate complaints to state agencies and investigate other modes of redress. One of the group’s most active members is a 21-year-old named William Young, who left Cornerstone, the ES outpost in Denver, in 2018. He’s been working through what his time there did to him ever since. At his darkest point, not long after his departure, he sent a Facebook message to a stranger he thought might be able to help.

“Long shot,” he wrote to Dave Cherry, unsure if he would get a response, “but OntheEmmis?”

“It’s been too much death, man. I don’t want to see any more dead kids.”

After he moved to Colorado, things didn’t turn out as Cherry had hoped. He and Dave Larsen started the Family Recovery Center in Denver, and in 2007 they brought in another former Meehan disciple, a man named Andy Avirett, to help run it. But as it happened, a trio of deeply traumatized former cult members didn’t make great business partners. Larsen and Avirett soon quit and started a second, affiliated program—Family Recovery Center South—about 50 miles away. Not long after, Avirett left that one, too. Still, the men remained friends, and when Larsen decided that he was finally through with the recovery business, he handed off his program to Cherry for a dollar.

Cherry never got the chance to grow the businesses on his own. On New Year’s Eve 2007, his family was gathered at home, cooking pizza rolls and potato skins, when Cherry broke out in a cold sweat. Melissa drove him to the hospital, and an X-ray revealed that his colon had ruptured. He was in septic shock. Cherry was sent to another hospital, where he arrived so severely dehydrated that the doctors struggled to find a vein for an IV. They pumped him with fentanyl through an opening in his thumb and sent him into surgery. Cherry left the ordeal with an ileostomy bag, thankful to be alive.

But the bag became a professional liability. It broke open at a lunch meeting. It ruptured while he delivered a lecture. Cherry spent a lot of time in bed, which caused the arteries in his leg to clog. As he tried to recover, Cherry came across Stonebraker’s book online and read the section about an angry former employee named Chris. Cherry’s response—written in a kind of trance, and posted in installments to OntheEmmis.com—exceeded 40,000 words. He’d wanted to be a writer once upon a time, before Meehan convinced him to drop out of school. The posts formed a memoir of sorts, a feverish account of his experience with ES, interspersed with melancholy epigraphs from Jackson Browne and Gregg Allman. Later, he posted the whole thing to Blogspot, with the title “how i was spiritually raped and left for dead.” Former clients and counselors still circulate the link when trying to explain ES to outsiders.

In 2008, Cherry went to St. Louis for surgery to help clear his veins. The surgeon told him that the procedure would take 90 minutes; it lasted five hours, during which Cherry’s triglyceride spiked, triggering acute pancreatitis. When he emerged from the ICU 15 days later, he moved in with his parents for a month. He missed Melissa and his kids. The loneliness was crushing. When he finally got back to Colorado, the financial crisis was just beginning. The Great Recession proved too much for Cherry’s rehab businesses. He closed the doors for good in 2009.

When Will Young found him nearly a decade later, Cherry was open to talking about his experience with ES, and to learning about Young’s. “I realize that asking you questions about your involvement may trigger feelings of paranoia or apprehension,” Cherry wrote in one message. “That’s pretty common. I’ve been out since 1997, been through cult specific therapy, educated myself on the dynamics of cults and thought reform, and spent a number of years working as an anti-cult advocate and I still feel a touch of apprehension when I get an email or message asking about the cult. All of that even after responding to well over a thousand former members and their families.”

The two men kept up a correspondence and even talked about meeting up—they both lived in Denver, after all. But Cherry proved elusive. Sometimes he dropped out of touch for months at a time, without explanation.

The posts formed a memoir of sorts, a feverish account of Cherry’s experience with ES, interspersed with melancholy epigraphs from Jackson Browne and Gregg Allman. Later, he posted the whole thing to Blogspot, with the title “how i was spiritually raped and left for dead.”

Early one morning in 2018, Dave Larsen received a troubling text: Emergency, he recalled it saying, come get me, I need help. The text was from Cherry. (When asked about it, Cherry said he had no recollection of sending the message.)

It had been a difficult few years. Cherry had reenrolled in college, studying video production. Then, in 2014, Melissa told him she didn’t want to be married to him anymore. Cherry was blindsided. Much of his time and energy was redirected toward navigating his place in his daughters’ lives. They moved back to Phoenix with Melissa; Cherry was granted joint custody, allowing him to have the girls on holidays and over the summer.

Larsen’s first reaction to Cherry’s text was, despite himself, irritation. Their friendship had survived ES and a fraught business partnership, but the divorce put it to the test. Melissa was all Cherry wanted to talk about, and he seemed to call only when he needed a ride or some other favor. The two men had stopped talking for nearly a year. Then Larsen started getting calls from Melissa, asking if he knew Cherry’s whereabouts—other friends hadn’t heard from him and were afraid he’d killed himself. Larsen managed to track Cherry down, but they soon fell out of touch again. A year had passed without the friends seeing each other when Cherry’s urgent text arrived.

Larsen called 911 and requested that someone check on Cherry. The woman told him to hold a moment while she typed in the address. “Oh,” she said. “That’s Dave Cherry. He’s fine. Might just need some support.”

At the time, Cherry was broke. He’d been laid off from his job as a stage manager at the University of Colorado, Boulder, and had recently pawned some of his furniture for $50—he needed the money to buy food. “It was clear to anybody looking in from the outside that I wasn’t going to make it,” Cherry said. His eldest daughter had made him a Tinder profile, and he’d gotten into a relationship with a woman named Teri. They’d broken up after a year or so but remained close. Shortly after Cherry sent the text to Larsen, Teri persuaded him to give up his apartment and stay on her couch until he got his finances straight.

Three years later, Cherry is still there, though he now kicks in $500 a month for rent. When his daughters visit, he sleeps on the floor so they can have the couch, or he rents an Airbnb for short periods. In 2018, he took a job as the manager at a Starbucks kiosk in a local Safeway.

Many of the latest wave of former ES followers eager to expose the program’s abuses are familiar with Cherry and his story. But amid his personal struggles, he’d never heard about them. When I texted him about the organizing on Facebook and elsewhere, Cherry was floored. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen anything of substance on the cult that I wasn’t involved [in],” he replied. “Man, that really lifts a burden for me. I’m here at work and fighting back tears. For years I felt like I was screaming into the wind.” He admired what the new generation was doing. “I know that the cost of being a Meehan victim is incalculable,” he wrote. “I also know the cost of a little bit of activism.”

Even more than 20 years after he left ES, there are moments when the identity Cherry fought so hard to forge for himself slips away and he finds himself ruled by fear. He’ll walk by the Safeway manager’s office, see him talking to the regional Starbucks supervisor, and think they’re plotting against him. Am I about to be railroaded? he’ll find himself wondering. Am I about to end up in another one of those Purposes?

After learning about the online advocacy, Cherry said that he’d be taking the next week off, something he hadn’t done since starting his job. He wanted time to think. He still believed he was capable of more than life had allowed him to achieve. “My plan isn’t to devote that time to a bunch of tasks, or getting back to people, or even spending time with my kids,” he said. “I’m just going to give that week to myself to figure some shit out.”

Joy Meehan passed away in 2020, and Bob Meehan died in June 2021, a month before this story was published. Stonebraker confirmed Meehan’s death in an email, and it was the topic of intense conversation online among former ES participants. As of this writing, an obituary has yet to be published.

When Cherry thinks about Meehan—the man who changed and then ruined his life, whose legacy is one of destruction for so many people—what he feels now is pity. “At the end of the day, he created this group of people who were afraid of him,” Cherry said. “He believed they loved him, and they believed he loved them. But there was nothing there but fear, man. Both ways.”


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No Place Like Home

In 2005, a pair of ruby slippers worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz was stolen from her hometown in Minnesota. Who took the iconic shoes, and where did they go? In an eight-part narrative podcast, two journalists search for answers.

No Place Like Home

The Atavist Magazine, No. 116


No Place Like Home is a presentation, direction, and production of C13Originals, a Cadence13 Studio, in partnership with The Atavist Magazine. Cadence 13 is an Audacy company.

Ariel Ramchandani is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in The Atlantic, The Guardian, Undark, and other publications. Her story “When the Devil Enters” was published by The Atavist in November 2016. 

Seyward Darby is the editor in chief of The Atavist.

Reporter and Writer: Ariel Ramchandani
Cohosts: Seyward Darby and Ariel Ramchandani
Executive Producer: Chris Corcoran
Director: Lloyd Lochridge
Editor: Alistair Shurman
Producers: Paige Hymson and Valerie Thomas
Engineering, Research, and Production Support: Patrick Antonetti, Sean Cherry, Adam Przybyl, Ian Mandt, Bill Shultz, and Bob Tabaddor
Mixing and Mastering: Chris Basil
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Illustrator: Joel Kimmel


Prologue

They were supposed to be silver—silver slippers on a golden road. That’s how Dorothy’s shoes are described in L. Frank Baum’s 1900 book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. But in the film version, the color changed. A screenwriter hastily crossed out “silver.” Technicolor was about thinking brighter. The shoes would be ruby instead. 

The Wizard of Oz had five directors over the course of its development, which resulted in a carousel of auteurial visions. The design for the slippers changed, too. First they were simple, then ornate, then somewhere in between. The final version started out as white silk pumps, manufactured by the Innes Shoe Company in Los Angeles. They were the type of shoes a woman might wear to work, priced at around $12. At Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, the studio behind The Wizard of Oz, the costume department wrapped the pumps in red netting, then hand-stitched sequins onto them with silk thread. There were thousands of sequins, made of clear plastic with burgundy paint applied, so they’d appear bright red under the studio lights. The last touches on Dorothy’s soon-to-be-famous shoes were pronged rhinestone bows. 

How many pairs were made? Some film historians say seven, because actors’ contracts stipulated a clean costume for every day of the week. But there may have been more, or fewer. Shoes for close-ups, sparkling and pristine. Shoes for dancing and skipping, with felt attached to the soles to muffle any scraping and tapping. Slippers for Judy Garland, with her name written on the tan leather interiors. Slippers for her stand-in, who was on set until the last possible moment before a take, while Garland did schoolwork in her trailer. Garland was only 16, but so talented that she could nail a dance sequence on the first try as if she’d been rehearsing it all day. 

When did you see The Wizard of Oz for the first time? Christmas, maybe—your cheeks flush from a cozy fire, crinkled wrapping paper scattered around you on the living room floor. Film critics and historians have described it as the most American of movies: Home is in the heartland; evil emanates from the East and West; the city is all smoke and mirrors. The film offers comfort but also excitement—it’s an adventure into literal color. And it all begins with the slippers. 

The conversation between Dorothy and Glinda in Munchkinland is surprisingly short. Where is Glinda going in her glowing bubble? Why isn’t she more helpful? The Good Witch warns the girl who fell from the sky never to remove the red shoes that have suddenly appeared on her feet. “Keep tight inside of them,” Glinda chirps before she vanishes. “Their magic must be very powerful.”

Do not for your life let go of the shoes. Dorothy doesn’t. One step, then another, with an elegant flick of her foot. Her world is widening with every skip and stride. 

The ruby slippers became iconic. Ask anyone who cares about them why they do and they’ll echo Glinda: magic.

Four known pairs remain in the world. One was given away by MGM in 1939, as part of the promotion for the film’s release, to a lucky woman in Tennessee. That pair was later sold at auction, and then again to an anonymous buyer. The shoes haven’t been seen publicly since 2000. Rumor has it that a major celebrity—someone like Oprah—is probably their owner now. 

Another pair was sold in 1970, at a first-of-its-kind Hollywood memorabilia auction intended to clear MGM’s backlot of what executives had decided was mostly junk. A young man named Kent Warner felt differently; he believed MGM was sitting on a gold mine. He was hired to sift through piles of props and costumes and to catalog the items suitable for auction. According to industry legend, Warner unearthed at least three pairs of the ruby slippers in MGM’s wardrobe storage, high up in a warehouse. One set became the star of the auction. Warner presented the shoes to prospective buyers on a velvet pillow. They sold for $15,000—nearly $100,000 today—and then were donated to the Smithsonian a few years later. Now people line up to see them behind glass at the National Museum of American History. They’re the most requested item on view; visitors arrive at the front desk and ask, “Where can I find the slippers?” When they see them, glittering in their display case, some people cry, like they’ve encountered the Shroud of Turin. 

Another pair Warner kept for himself, and MGM didn’t stop him. These are the nicest slippers, in the best condition. They may have been used in the close-ups at the beginning of the film, when the slippers sit on the stockinged feet of the witch crushed by Dorothy’s house. In the telling of Rhys Thomas, who wrote the definitive history of the shoes, their allure began to overwhelm Warner. People came to his house to see them instead of him. As Thomas put it, “The charm of the slippers plain wore Kent out.” Warner sold them in 1980, perhaps to pay for his medical treatment: He died four years later of an AIDS-related illness. Warner’s pair was eventually acquired by Leonardo DiCaprio and Steven Spielberg, who plan to exhibit it in the yet to open Academy Museum of Motion Picture Arts. 

This podcast is about the last authenticated pair of ruby slippers that Warner found. He sold them for about $2,500 to a friend, a child actor turned memorabilia collector named Michael Shaw, who’d become entranced with The Wizard of Oz when he was under contract at MGM. For more than 30 years, Shaw took his shoes on the road, lending them to museums and showing them at charity events. They became known as the Traveling Shoes. 

In 2005, these slippers made their way to Grand Rapids, Minnesota, Garland’s hometown. They went on display that summer at the Judy Garland Museum, a quaint, kitschy landmark attached to the movie star’s childhood home—a white clapboard house with a porch. The museum advertised the slippers like crazy, and people came in droves to see them. Kids often arrived in costume. There were a lot of Dorothys.

The shoes were supposed to be in Grand Rapids until Labor Day. But late one night that August, someone broke into the museum and took them. All that magic—and the millions it was worth—disappeared in an instant.

Where did the ruby slippers go? And who took them? Finding the stolen slippers became a matter of cultural resurrection and, for some people, an obsession. 

Welcome to No Place Like Home.

—Ariel Ramchandani, Writer and Cohost

Seyward Darby, Cohost


Binge the full season on Apple Podcasts.

No Place Like Home is a production of C13Originals, a Cadence13 Studio, in partnership with The Atavist Magazine.


  1. Presenting Gone South Season 3: The Sign Cutter
  2. They Don't Like Being Owned
  3. Very Accomplished Thieves
  4. Everything Is Lining Up
  5. Who Can You Trust?
  6. Dear Dorothy, Hate Oz, Took Shoes
  7. Terribly Happy
  8. The Robin Hood of Hollywood
  9. The Ruby Slippers Are Gone
  10. Welcome to No Place Like Home

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The Snitch

THE SNITCH

In Scott Kimball, the FBI thought it had found a high-value informant who could help solve big cases.

What it got instead was lies, betrayal, and murder.

The Atavist Magazine, No. 115


Jordan Michael Smith is a journalist, ghostwriter, and speechwriter. He is the author of Humanity: How Jimmy Carter Lost an Election and Transformed the Post-Presidency. Listen to him discuss “The Snitch” on the Creative Nonfiction podcast.

Editor: Jonah Ogles
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checker: Kate Wheeling
Illustrator: Zoë van Dijk

Published in May 2021.


CHAPTER 1

Carle Schlaff wanted more out of his job. As an FBI agent, he’d spent more than ten years working low-level drug cases in the bureau’s Denver office. He eventually moved up to investigating organized crime—only to be transferred to the violent-crimes squad and made the liaison to a low-security prison called Englewood, in Littleton, Colorado. It was the sort of job that was good for a rookie, not a veteran. “I was kinda pissed,” Schlaff said.

Schlaff was 42, with two kids, an easy smile, and an unpretentious manner. He was the type of FBI agent who read crime novels in his spare time. He’d grown up watching Hawaii Five-0. He wanted to take down mob bosses, catch serial killers, expose international drug cartels.

In August 2002, Schlaff’s luck changed: He learned that a prisoner at Englewood named Scott Kimball knew about a murder plot. Schlaff and a colleague met with Kimball in a small interview room at the prison. Kimball was 36 at the time, a weathered, stocky man who wore a goatee and had a long scar in the center of his forehead. He shared a cell with Steve Ennis, a young drug dealer. Kimball claimed that Ennis had talked about recruiting someone to kill witnesses preparing to testify against him.

“I would be willing to do some undercover work for you guys,” Kimball told Schlaff and his colleague.

If the offer seemed blunt, it was because Kimball already knew how the FBI operated. After being arrested for check fraud in Alaska in 2001, he told authorities that his cellmate, Arnold Wesley Flowers, planned to order the murders of a federal judge and a prosecutor, along with a witness in the case against him. (Flowers was facing fraud charges of his own, according to court records.) The FBI worked with Kimball and an undercover agent to record Flowers organizing the hits with help from his girlfriend. In March 2002, the couple were charged with murder for hire, witness tampering, and attempting to murder federal officials.

There was more: Kimball told the FBI that another Alaska prisoner, Jeremiah Jones, had bragged about murdering Tom Wales, a prominent assistant U.S. attorney shot to death through a window of his Seattle home in October 2001. While it investigated the matter, out of concern for his safety, the FBI transferred Kimball to his native Colorado in April 2002. Now, at Englewood, it seemed that Kimball had yet more valuable intelligence to offer.

Before Schlaff went chasing Kimball’s story, though, he wanted to know what type of person he was dealing with. He didn’t mind so much if someone had committed nonviolent crimes, but he didn’t want to work with an informant who could be easily discredited. “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” Schlaff asked Kimball.

Kimball admitted that in addition to his crimes in Alaska, he’d committed fraud in Montana and served time there. He excelled at check forgery, Kimball said, but he wanted to go straight. It sounded plausible to Schlaff, who’d reviewed Kimball’s record—he didn’t have any convictions for violent crimes—and had checked for outstanding warrants.

Schlaff scribbled down on a notepad what Kimball told him. After leaving Englewood that day, he made contact with the Drug Enforcement Administration and the U.S. Attorney’s Office, which were both working the Ennis case. Kimball was soon reactivated as an informant, with Schlaff as his handler. Their goal was to foil the alleged murder plot, and charge Ennis for orchestrating it.

All the pieces were falling into place: This was exactly the kind of case Schlaff had been craving.

There were other allegations against Kimball, far more unsettling ones.

It takes a thief to catch a thief, as Schlaff likes to say—that’s the logic behind using jailhouse snitches. In the United States, the practice has a history as troubling as it is long. Incentivized by the promise of reduced sentences, better prison conditions, and financial compensation, criminal informants sometimes offer cops and prosecutors bad information, which can lead to wrongful convictions and other miscarriages of justice. And too often, authorities treat informants as if their lives matter less than the work of law enforcement.

In recent years, there have been efforts to reform the way authorities handle informants. But back when Kimball started working with the FBI, there was less communication among law enforcement agencies and relatively minimal scrutiny of an informant’s history. It was easy to miss the kind of facts from a person’s past that might have made authorities think twice before using them as an informant.

Born in Boulder in 1966, Kimball was ten when his parents divorced, after his mother came out as gay. Around that time, according to Kimball and his brother, a neighbor began molesting them. Kimball told me the abuse continued until he was in his teens. The neighbor was ultimately sentenced to seven years in prison for sexual abuse of a minor. According to people who knew him as a young man, Kimball seemed haunted by his past. He once tried to end his life but only managed to wound himself—the source of the scar on his forehead.

By early adulthood, Kimball had a long rap sheet. In 1988, he received his first felony conviction for passing bad checks. In another instance, he was charged with running an illegal outfitting business in Montana, helping out-of-staters hunt elk, bear, moose, and deer. Kimball continued to commit nonviolent offenses, the kind that Schlaff later saw on his criminal record. There were other allegations against Kimball, far more unsettling ones, but due to a series of decisions made by law enforcement, finding them would have required some digging.

In June 1993, Kimball married a woman named Larissa Mineer. They moved to Spokane, Washington, and had two sons. Though they divorced in 1997, they maintained a relationship until December 1999, when, Mineer alleged, Kimball raped her at gunpoint. Kimball claimed he hadn’t harmed or threatened Mineer—according to a police report, he said that his ex was trying to sway a custody dispute over their sons in her favor. After Mineer failed a polygraph, the police decided not to file charges. (Polygraphs have been deemed unreliable by the American Psychological Association and the National Academy of Sciences, but law enforcement still use them to quickly ascertain whether someone might be telling the truth.)

In 2000, Kimball landed in prison in Montana, convicted of violating probation, which he’d been serving for a fraud offense. After a year in lockup, Kimball was transferred to a halfway house, but a month later he went on the lam. Mineer alleged that he came back to Washington, broke into her home, and then kidnapped and raped her. This time the Spokane police issued a warrant for his arrest. But when Kimball was picked up for fraud in Alaska in 2001, and then became an FBI informant, the kidnapping and assault charges went away. (The FBI said it did not request that local law enforcement drop the charges.)

As a result, when Schlaff looked up Kimball’s record, none of Mineer’s accusations were on it. The escape from the halfway house was there, but Schlaff wasn’t too worried about that—Kimball had been near the end of his sentence when he’d slipped away. Schlaff spoke to Colton Seale, an FBI special agent in Alaska, who said that Kimball had been helpful in the case against Flowers and his girlfriend. Seale, who is now retired from the FBI, told me that he has no memory of whether he knew about Kimball’s kidnapping and assault charges at the time.

At worst, Schlaff thought, he was working with a petty con artist. “He was a typical wise guy,” Schlaff told me. “He had an answer for everything.” But Kimball wasn’t a child molester or a murderer. He seemed like the type of informant who might be good before a jury.

The truth was something else entirely.

Carle Schlaff

Schlaff visited Kimball in Englewood again, and together they devised a plan: Kimball would tell Steve Ennis that, once he was released from prison, he would kill the witnesses that Ennis wanted dead. The men would strategize, and once Ennis moved to carry out the murder plot, the feds would charge him. Soon Kimball reported to Schlaff that Ennis had bought the scheme and even suggested a next step: Ennis’s girlfriend would introduce Kimball to Ennis’s drug-dealing partner on the outside, who would provide him with a gun.

On December 18, 2002, Kimball left Englewood; the FBI and the Department of Justice had persuaded a judge to free him on a $10,000 unsecured bond. He would be required to appear in court, including at an eventual plea bargaining hearing, where a judge would determine his sentence for the Alaska charges. It was expected to range from six to twelve months, which he’d already served, plus a few years of parole—far less than the ten years in prison he otherwise might have served for check fraud. He was not placed on probation at the time, because individuals on federal probation can’t be FBI informants. A Montana prosecutor fought to have Kimball face charges for his escape from the halfway house, but the FBI said it needed him free so he could help the bureau.

Kimball moved in with his mother, Barb, a life insurance agent, and her partner, Kay, in their suburban Denver home. Larissa Mineer had relocated to Colorado, and though she was afraid of her ex-husband, she still shared custody with him, so Kimball was able to see his young sons. He started flipping houses and soon set up an organic meat distributor, Rocky Mountain All Natural Beef Company, with a $15,000 investment from his mother and $50,000 from his brother, Brett.

Schlaff equipped Kimball with a cell phone and an earpiece to record conversations relevant to the Ennis investigation. He paid Kimball in cash at the men’s regular meetings. During his time working with the FBI, Kimball received a total of $50,000.

One day the two men met at a coffee shop. As Schlaff sipped his latte, he prodded Kimball for prison gossip from his Englewood contacts. “Who all is talking?” Schlaff asked. Kimball told him that a prisoner named Steve Holley, another former cellmate, was planning to escape. Holley had managed to break out once before, if briefly; chances were he’d learned from the mistakes that got him caught. Holley had nothing to do with the Ennis case, but Schlaff felt obligated to report what he knew: He called Englewood, and prison authorities put Holley in solitary confinement.

In late December 2002, Kimball phoned Ennis’s girlfriend, Jennifer Marcum. Twenty-five years old and originally from Illinois, Marcum had dropped out of high school, married and divorced, and moved to Colorado with her toddler son. Marcum had trouble supporting herself and her child on the money she earned as a fast-food worker, so she began dancing at Shotgun Willie’s, a suburban strip club. By the time Kimball called her, Marcum was desperate for a career change.

Schlaff sanctioned the first meeting between Kimball and Marcum, but Kimball soon began seeing her on his own accord. Kimball lied about himself to Marcum, telling her he owned a chain of coffee shops in Seattle. He suggested that she move there and run one of them. With her head-turning looks, he told her, she could be a great saleswoman. Marcum loved the idea. She joked about selling coffee in A cups or B cups, a reference to her breasts, which she’d augmented with implants.

Kimball eventually contacted Schlaff and asked for permission to have sex with Marcum. Schlaff said no—Marcum was a source of information, and a possible suspect, in the case the FBI was building against Ennis. “I thought it was an unusual request,” Schlaff admitted, “but since Kimball had been in custody for 14 months prior, it seemed innocent.”

On February 17, 2003, Marcum told Ennis she was meeting Kimball for dinner. When Ennis didn’t hear from her in the weeks that followed, he was confused. She’d always been so devoted, he later told authorities. He tried contacting her, but the call went to voice mail. He wrote her letters; she never responded.

According to FBI records, at one of their meetings Kimball told Schlaff that Marcum had recently called him to say that she’d taken a JetBlue flight to New York, where she sometimes danced and worked as a call girl. As far as Schlaff was concerned, there was no reason to think Kimball was lying about Marcum’s whereabouts, or about anything else.

CHAPTER 2

Lori McLeod met Scott Kimball at the Lodge Casino in Black Hawk, Colorado, in early 2003. A 39-year-old single mother, McLeod worked at a salon. She’d been through two tough divorces and didn’t date much. She was too focused on her daughter, Kaysi, who at 19 struggled with a meth addiction and had already run away from home a number of times. Recently, Kaysi had taken steps to turn her life around—she was living with her mom, had gotten clean and made new friends, and was about to start a job at a Subway sandwich shop.

McLeod was playing Boston five-card poker at the casino when Kimball walked up, pushing his mother, who had multiple sclerosis, in a wheelchair. What a sweet guy, McLeod thought. Kimball moved some chairs out of the way so that Barb could play cards. Then he sat down beside McLeod and introduced himself. He was “very charming,” McLeod told me. “He was just easy to talk to, easy to be around.”

Kimball told McLeod that he was an FBI agent, a statement that neither his mother nor her partner, Kay, who’d also come to the casino, and was introduced to the table as Barb’s sister, made an effort to correct. Kimball and McLeod flirted as they played hands. Kimball talked about his sons, Cody and Justin; McLeod talked about Kaysi. As McLeod later recounted to the NBC news program Dateline, when Kimball went to use the bathroom, the dealer at the table looked at her. “Lori, give this guy your number,” the dealer said. “You’re driving him nuts.”

When Kimball returned, McLeod wrote her number on a piece of paper and slid it under his poker chips, keeping her fingers on the note. “Just so you know, this is how you can get ahold of me,” she said. “Wait—you’re not a felon or anything, are you?”

“Lori,” he replied, “you know I work for the FBI.”

They went on their first date on Valentine’s Day, three days before Kimball’s last known meeting with Jennifer Marcum. Kimball brought flowers. “I don’t want there to be any lies between us, so I need to tell you something,” he said. “Kay is not my Aunt Kay—she is my mother’s wife.” McLeod was impressed that he’d set the record straight. He seemed like a good man who had his life together. “I was a single mom at this point,” McLeod told me. “It was pretty obvious that he could afford to pay his own bills, and he was generous with me.”

McLeod and Kimball spent more and more time together after that, camping, eating at expensive restaurants, and visiting national parks. In a photo from the period, the couple are standing on a boat, and Kimball proudly holds aloft a massive fish covered in blood. He showed McLeod an FBI badge and a laptop with the bureau’s seal—both emblems were fake. He told her about the beef business he ran on the side. McLeod gushed about her new man to her family and introduced him to her daughter. “He would always bring something for Kaysi, just making sure that she felt part of everything, that she wasn’t an outsider,” McLeod told me. Kaysi liked Kimball and his two sons.

Sometimes McLeod thought Kimball looked at Kaysi strangely, almost like he was checking her out, but she tried to ignore it. Her involvement with law enforcement before meeting him was limited to two speeding tickets. Kimball’s job, working for a government agency, made him upright in McLeod’s eyes. If the FBI trusted him, why shouldn’t she?

Kimball traveled often for work and told McLeod that, for her own protection, he couldn’t say where he was going. When McLeod pressed him, Kimball said only that he was working what could be a major case—a girl named Jennifer might have been murdered.

The FBI in Seattle wondered if Kimball had made the whole thing up.

On March 10, 2003, unbeknownst to McLeod, Kimball pled guilty to the Alaska fraud charges from a courthouse in Denver. Sentencing would happen later in the year. An assistant U.S. attorney and the judge agreed to seal the records in the case because they indicated that Kimball was working with the FBI. Should knowledge of his status become public, his life could be jeopardized, as could the work of the DOJ and the FBI on important cases.

The next day, Kimball flew to Seattle to meet with Jeremiah Jones, the man he claimed had confessed to murdering an assistant U.S. attorney. The FBI’s Seattle office wanted Kimball to buy a gun from Jones, who had been released from jail since Kimball last saw him; hopefully, too, Kimball could get Jones talking about the murder. But according to an agent on the case who wished to remain anonymous, when Kimball met with Jones, he didn’t use any of the talking points the FBI had given him. What’s more, Jones spoke as though he barely knew Kimball, much less that he’d confided in him about committing a high-profile killing.

The FBI in Seattle wondered if Kimball had made the whole thing up. The office brought him in for a polygraph and asked if Jones had really admitted to the murder. Kimball said yes, but the polygraph indicated that he was lying.

The Seattle agents were enraged. The bureau had gotten Kimball transferred to Colorado, then out of Englewood on a plea deal. It had paid him thousands of dollars and helped him avoid facing other charges. One of the Seattle agents emailed Schlaff to tell him that Kimball was “untrustworthy,” according to Schlaff and another FBI employee who saw the message.

It was one thing to decide that Kimball wasn’t helpful, Schlaff thought—but putting in writing that he was unreliable posed risks to several ongoing cases. In criminal trials, defendants have the right to examine all materials generated by law enforcement. If an attorney saw the email about Kimball, investigative targets like Jeremiah Jones and Steve Ennis could use it to discredit testimony or intelligence Kimball had provided as an informant.

“What the hell are you doing?” Schlaff asked when he called the agent who sent the email. “You don’t like him, that is fine, but don’t put it in writing!”

Schlaff said he knew Kimball was legitimate. He’d met his sons and his girlfriend, Lori; he’d spoken with his mother, Barb; he’d visited him as he gutted houses. Plus, Kimball had been a good informant for the Alaska office; he had a proven track record. Still, the other agent, whose name Schlaff would not reveal in interviews, was adamant that Kimball was lying.

Schlaff was so confident in Kimball that when the two men met up a few weeks later, in April 2003, he didn’t mention the email or the failed polygraph. As far as he was concerned, they had important work to do: Kimball was scheduled to meet Jason Price, Steve Ennis’s drug-dealing partner, at an Applebee’s.

As they drove to the restaurant, Schlaff asked Kimball if he had heard from Jennifer Marcum since her trip to New York.

“I hear she’s dead,” Kimball said.

Schlaff was startled. Marcum had what he called a “high-risk lifestyle”—she often associated with drug dealers. It wouldn’t have surprised him if she got herself into some trouble. But murdered? Schlaff had a hard time believing it. He pressed Kimball for more information, but Kimball said he didn’t know any of the details.

Schlaff put Marcum out of his mind as they pulled into the Applebee’s parking lot. He ran a microphone and wires under Kimball’s shirt. Inside the restaurant, Kimball talked to Jason Price for nearly two hours. Price mentioned a new cocaine connection; Kimball said he had someone in Alaska who could move it for him. Price discussed the witnesses who were set to testify against Steve Ennis, but he didn’t suggest using violence to stop them. Still, Schlaff later said, he thought the meeting “was very fruitful.”

Bullish about the progress of the investigation, Schlaff shared what he’d learned with the U.S. Attorney’s Office. Not long after, he got word that the case was being put on hold. According to FBI documentation, there was “trouble gaining cooperation with the [U.S. Attorney’s Office] of using Kimball as a cooperating witness.” Schlaff was upset, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Besides, his attention was suddenly needed elsewhere: Like many people working at the FBI in the years immediately after the September 11 attacks, Schlaff was being given new responsibilities in counterterrorism.

Lori McLeod

On May 28, Kimball was scheduled to fly to Anchorage to consult on the trial of Arnold Wesley Flowers. Because it was official FBI business, Schlaff offered to give him a ride to the airport. Kimball parked his Jeep Cherokee outside the bureau’s Denver office and got into Schlaff’s black SUV. As he drove, Schlaff blasted country music, which both men loved. But the mood was tense: Schlaff thought Kimball seemed distracted and nervous, almost paranoid. “Is anything wrong?” Kimball asked at one point. Schlaff found the question strange, almost like something was amiss and Kimball was probing to see what Schlaff knew.

After dropping him off, Schlaff returned to his office and ran a check on Kimball for any outstanding warrants. A new one for his arrest had been issued in Spokane; it didn’t specify the charge. Schlaff was livid—at Kimball for doing whatever he’d done in Spokane, at the agent in Seattle for saying Kimball was a liar, at the U.S. Attorney’s Office for hitting pause on the Ennis investigation.

Screw it, Schlaff thought. He decided he was done with the whole thing.

When Kimball returned to Denver the following month, Lori McLeod picked him up at the airport and they went straight to a casino. Later that night, they drove to where Kimball had left his Jeep. When Kimball got into his car and put the key in the ignition, the engine wouldn’t start. Suddenly, red and blue lights appeared around him. “Within 30 seconds, it felt like, there were cop cars everywhere,” McLeod told me.

An officer walked up to the Jeep. “Sir, is this your vehicle?” he asked. When Kimball said yes and gave his name, he was placed under arrest. McLeod was bewildered—“freaking out,” in her words.

“Calm down,” Kimball told her. “Call Carle. Tell him exactly what is going on.”

Then Kimball turned to one of the cops putting him the back of a squad car. “Call Carle Schlaff,” he said.

The cop looked Kimball in the eye and smiled. “Who do you think told us to arrest you?”

Schlaff had had Kimball’s Jeep disabled so that, when law enforcement surrounded him, he couldn’t escape. “He was being squirrely with me, so I decided to be squirrely with him,” Schlaff said. “Plus, it was good for agency relations to throw some meat to guys who have guns and cuffs but rarely get a chance to use them.”

Schlaff went to see Kimball two days later, in the Denver County jail. Kimball looked disheveled. By then, Schlaff had learned that the Spokane warrant was issued because of a minor probation violation related to Kimball registering his address. Kimball would have to go to court in Washington, but that wasn’t Schlaff’s problem. He was only at the jail, per FBI regulations, to inform Kimball that the bureau no longer needed his services. Through official channels, he’d been deactivated as an informant.

But as the two men sat across from each other in a private meeting, Kimball said something that stopped Schlaff short: Jason Price had confessed to strangling Jennifer Marcum to death.

Schlaff stepped out of the room and called Englewood to see if Marcum had recently visited Ennis—turned out, she hadn’t been to the prison since February. Next Schlaff called Suzanne Halonen, the DEA agent working the stalled Ennis case. Halonen, who joined the agency in 1987, had spent nine months monitoring conversations between the case’s major players, particularly Price and Ennis. She came to the Denver jail, along with another DEA agent, the district attorney, and Kimball’s public defender. Everyone sat in stainless-steel chairs around a table and asked Kimball what he knew.

Kimball said that Price had shown him a picture on a laptop of Marcum’s body, naked, bound, and gagged. He claimed that Price had told him he strangled Marcum and placed her in the trunk of his Mercedes before driving to Rifle, Colorado, about 150 miles west of Denver, and stashing Marcum at the bottom of a creek. Kimball said Price later asked him to retrieve the body and cut out Marcum’s breast implants, fearing they might be traceable. (Kimball did not say whether he agreed to help Price.)

Halonen didn’t buy the story. She felt like she knew Price pretty well—she’d listened to dozens of hours of him talking—and she thought he was meek, even a wimp. “He’d had drugs stolen from him, he’d been ripped off, and he just wasn’t a violent person,” she told me. And what reason did he have to kill Marcum, who’d done nothing to cross him that Halonen knew of? The whole thing struck her as absurd.

Someone in the room asked Kimball how he knew for sure Price had killed Marcum—maybe Price had taken the picture after she died or had gotten it from someone else. Kimball explained that Price was in the picture, standing over Marcum’s body, with his reflection showing in a nearby mirror.

The law enforcement officials went into the hallway to discuss the situation. Halonen was adamant. “He’s a fucking liar,” she said. In fact, Halonen continued, she was starting to suspect that Kimball had killed Marcum.

“If Scott is the one who did it, prove it,” Schlaff told her. “I am not going to cover for him or anything like that. Just give me a motive.”

Halonen admitted that she didn’t have one. All she knew was that she found Kimball creepy and believed he was lying about Price. She pointed out that, at the very least, it seemed as if Kimball had divulged information about a purported murder as a get-out-of-jail-free card—he had a motive not to tell the truth. “It’s crazy to believe this guy,” she said. The group asked Kimball to take a polygraph, and he agreed. The test indicated that he wasn’t lying.

Soon after, various authorities gathered again for a meeting in downtown Denver. Halonen sat at one end of a conference table, Schlaff at the other. For more than an hour, they argued heatedly over whether Kimball should be reactivated as an FBI informant. Since orchestrating Kimball’s arrest, Schlaff had had a change of heart. He reasoned that Kimball’s probation violation in Spokane was small-time, certainly not the kind of thing that should stand in the way of an investigation into Marcum’s alleged murder. “Are you telling me to not use his information and use him to find a dead girl?” Schlaff asked the room. The FBI could wiretap Kimball and get Price to confess, Schlaff added.

Halonen argued that if he was released from custody, Kimball might be dangerous—did federal authorities really want to risk enabling him? But she was overruled. A judge agreed to drop the warrant for Kimball’s arrest in Washington.

On June 20, 2003, Kimball was released from jail. He told Lori McLeod that the arrest had been a ruse, part of his cover as an FBI agent. Because he was released so quickly, she had little reason to question the story. Once again Kimball began working as an informant. He wouldn’t last long.

CHAPTER 3

Schlaff planned to record a conversation in which Kimball would coax a murder confession out of Price, or at least get more details about what had happened to Marcum. But when Kimball called him, with the FBI listening, Price immediately hung up. Schlaff asked what happened. Kimball couldn’t explain why Price wouldn’t talk to him.

Without Marcum’s body, there was no homicide to investigate. She was missing, but there were some 800 active cases just like hers in Denver at the time. By tracing Marcum’s license plate number, Schlaff discovered that the Denver police had located her 1996 Saturn at the airport earlier that year and impounded it. There was no surveillance footage of the car being parked and no record of Marcum flying to New York—as Kimball once said he’d heard—or anywhere else. Schlaff had the car examined by forensics, but there was no evidence of foul play.

Marcum’s parents later told reporters that they believed their daughter might have got into trouble with drugs or been arrested, and that for some reason she didn’t, or couldn’t, contact them. In time they put up posters around Denver advertising her disappearance. Few tips came in. The search went nowhere.

The Marcums weren’t the only family at a loss for answers about a missing woman. In August 2003, Lori McLeod’s daughter, Kaysi, failed to show up for her shift at Subway. Two days passed. She wasn’t answering her phone. “I was distraught,” McLeod told me. At the time, Kimball was away on what he said was a hunting trip; when he came back, he consoled his girlfriend and said he would use his resources at the FBI to help search for Kaysi.

McLeod eventually went to the police. According to McLeod, they wouldn’t let her file a missing person report—Kaysi was over 18, and adults were allowed to go missing if they wanted to. Kimball, who stayed out of McLeod’s interactions with police, seemed to agree: He assured her that Kaysi was grown-up and self-reliant. She had run away before. She would come home when she was ready.

When McLeod talked to Kaysi’s boyfriend, he told her that Kimball had picked Kaysi up from the motel where the couple were staying the night she disappeared. He’d even paid for their room, the boyfriend said. Kimball denied the story. He told McLeod that the boyfriend was on drugs. “I was extremely confused,” McLeod later said. She thought that Kimball might be in touch with Kaysi—that he might know where she was but for some reason wouldn’t say.

Soon after, Kimball told McLeod that they should get married. He said it would make it easier for him to help find Kaysi. McLeod, dazed and depressed, wanted to keep him happy and do whatever she could for her daughter. She and Kimball married at a drive-through chapel in Las Vegas. When they returned, they visited Kimball’s mother, who was still an insurance agent. “We need to protect each other,” Kimball told McLeod. She took out a life insurance policy, with Kimball as the sole beneficiary. It was the same type of policy Kimball already had for both of his sons.

That December—as ever, without McLeod’s knowledge—Kimball appeared in court to be sentenced for his fraud conviction in Alaska. The U.S. Attorney’s Office requested the least punitive sentence. Prosecutors admitted that Kimball hadn’t exactly been a model citizen since his release from Englewood—he’d failed to check in with his probation officer, for example—but they cited his cooperation on the Ennis and Flowers cases as evidence of his value to the FBI. They also said that Carle Schlaff still believed Kimball could help the bureau solve a murder.

The judge ordered Kimball to pay a $5,000 fine and $8,287.94 in restitution to Wells Fargo, the bank he’d defrauded in Alaska. Kimball also got three years of federal probation, which ended his official work with the FBI: He could call Schlaff and volunteer information, but the FBI couldn’t direct him to do anything as a paid informant. With Kimball’s value diminished, and with no substantial developments in the Ennis case or the investigation into Marcum’s disappearance, Schlaff and Kimball fell out of touch.

after two weeks in a medically induced coma, Justin’s first words were: “Why did Dad do this to me?”

The first year of Kimball and McLeod’s marriage was difficult, and not only because Kaysi never came home. Kimball was away more often than ever, and when he was around he could be cruel. He called Justin, his elder son, “Susie” to mock his gentle personality, which Kimball considered feminine.

On July 14, 2004, Kimball and McLeod were at home with the boys. “They were out in the back digging holes in the field and just doing boy stuff,” McLeod recalled. Just after 9 p.m., Cody came inside and asked McLeod if she had any flashlights—it was getting dark, and they were trapping mice. He grabbed sodas from the fridge and went back outside. Moments later he returned, yelling: “Dad said to call 911! Justin has been hurt! Call 911!”

McLeod scrambled for the phone. “I need an ambulance!” she said to the 911 dispatcher. “My stepson has been hurt!” Cody said something about Justin’s leg. “It may be a broken leg. I don’t know!” McLeod said into the phone. Kimball carried ten-year-old Justin in his arms, screaming about his back. “Oh, my god. I think we have a back injury, too,” McLeod told the dispatcher. “We just need an ambulance!” But then Kimball ran outside to his Jeep, placed Justin in the passenger seat, and drove away. McLeod told the dispatcher they didn’t need an ambulance after all—her husband was on the way to the hospital.

McLeod and Cody followed suit. When they arrived, they found Justin on a gurney, convulsing and vomiting, with blood smeared around him. McLeod asked a nurse what happened. “The fall was really hard on his little body,” the nurse said.

McLeod was confused. Justin had fallen? From what? A car, the nurse explained. “No, no, no,” McLeod said. “He was injured at my house. He wasn’t in a vehicle.”

At that point, Kimball entered the conversation. He said that he’d been playing outside with the boys when a metal grate fell on Justin. En route to the hospital, Justin had felt the injury he’d sustained to his head—his hand traced a gaping, bleeding hole. He tried to unroll the car window to throw up but accidentally opened the door instead, which sent him falling onto the road. “I was going about 60,” Kimball said. “There is no way he is going to make it.”

Kimball was wrong—Justin did make it. And after two weeks in a medically induced coma, his first words were: “Why did Dad do this to me?”

Justin claimed that, in the backyard, Kimball had pushed the metal grate onto him. Then, Justin said, while they were riding in the Jeep, his dad had opened the passenger-side door and shoved him out. Law enforcement looked into the matter, but it was Kimball’s word against his son’s. According to McLeod and Larissa Mineer, Justin’s mother, the boy’s neurosurgeon said his injuries were affecting his memory. McLeod told me that the doctor consoled Kimball for having to hear such an awful accusation. Complicating things, the grate injury had occurred in one jurisdiction and Justin’s fall from the car had happened in another; it wasn’t clear who should take the lead on the legal front.

Ultimately, law enforcement let the matter go. “That was beyond frustrating,” Mineer said. She had no doubt that Justin was telling the truth. Mineer told me that she’d already tried in vain to strip Kimball of his parental rights. She could never win full custody, so even after Justin was hurt, she had to send the boys to their dad’s every other weekend.

While Justin was still in the hospital, Kimball’s uncle Terry had come from Alabama to help take care of Cody. Heavyset, with a bushy mustache, Terry was a Navy vet who had wandered the West working as a firefighter, groundskeeper, handyman, and construction foreman before winding up in the South. Terry arrived at Kimball’s with a tractor-trailer, two dogs, and a briefcase filled with thousands of dollars he’d withdrawn from his savings account after his divorce. He was socially awkward and a terrible houseguest. According to McLeod, he drank often and walked around naked.

One day, McLeod came home from work to find the furniture in the house rearranged. Kimball was standing in the backyard by a white leather sofa covered in a large, fresh stain of some kind.

“What the hell happened to the couch?” McLeod asked.

“One of Terry’s dogs threw up on it,” Kimball said.

“That is not dog vomit,” McLeod replied.

Maybe Terry had vomited and blamed the dog, Kimball suggested. Either way, he said, Terry was gone, and he wasn’t coming back—he’d won a small prize in the lottery and left for Mexico with a stripper. McLeod didn’t ask questions. She couldn’t imagine any woman finding Terry attractive, but she was glad he was gone.

CHAPTER 4

One day in January 2006, McLeod heard a knock at her front door. When she opened it, a young detective from the Lafayette, Colorado, police department was there. “I need to speak with Scott Kimball,” Gary Thatcher said.

Earlier that month, a Lafayette bank manager had reported that someone had forged $83,000 in checks. Thatcher, who investigated fraud, learned that the checks had been deposited into an account for Rocky Mountain All Natural Beef Company, which Kimball still owned. Bank surveillance videos showed the deposits were made by a stocky man with a goatee.

Thatcher met with the person whose checks had been stolen, an optometrist named Cleve Armstrong. It turned out that Armstrong had an office in the same building as Kimball’s beef distribution company and his mother’s insurance business. When Thatcher interviewed Barb’s employees, he learned that they had found some of Armstrong’s mail on Kimball’s desk. The detective suspected that Kimball had taken Armstrong’s checks and forged his signature so that it looked like the doctor had bought beef from the company next door. As Thatcher continued digging, he found that Kimball had also stolen money from a business partner and even from Barb. Now he was at McLeod’s door, asking where her husband was.

“Well, he didn’t come home last night, so your guess is as good as mine where he is,” she said.

McLeod’s relationship with Kimball was disintegrating. “He managed to make me feel like I was just not cutting the mustard,” she later said. He stayed out more, searched for Kaysi less. McLeod thought he might have a girlfriend in California, where his brother lived and where he’d started spending a lot of time.

McLeod agreed to go to the police station to answer questions. Thatcher led her to a bland interview room and gave her a bottle of water. A camera hung from the ceiling, recording the meeting on VHS. The room had an audible echo.

As they talked about Kimball’s fraudulent behavior, McLeod appeared visibly nervous but unsurprised by what Thatcher told her. At one point, McLeod’s phone rang—it was Kimball. She answered and turned the volume up loud enough that Thatcher could hear Kimball’s voice.

“I’m just getting ready for the day,” McLeod told her husband.

“It sounds echoey in there,” Kimball said.

“Oh, yeah, I’m in the bathroom,” McLeod replied.

Kimball asked if the police had contacted her—he was wondering, he said, because they’d reached out to Barb. McLeod said no. Kimball asked her to get some mail from the beef company’s office. McLeod said she missed him, and the call ended.

Thatcher observed that McLeod lied easily to Kimball. He worried that she was lying to him, too. Thatcher asked about Kimball’s work, by which he meant meat distribution. But McLeod said Kimball worked for the FBI.

“Guys who work for the FBI don’t steal checks from their moms,” Thatcher replied. Surely, he thought, McLeod was kidding.

But no—Kimball had told his wife he was an FBI agent, talked about working undercover, and showed McLeod a badge. McLeod told Thatcher she’d even watched Kimball receive envelopes stuffed with cash from another member of the bureau. Thatcher wondered if, on top of forging checks, Kimball was impersonating a federal agent.

McLeod told Thatcher about Kaysi, who by then had been missing for two and a half years. Kimball, McLeod explained, was among the last people who’d seen her daughter alive. “He had been taking her to and from work,” McLeod said. She told Thatcher that she thought Kimball might know where Kaysi was living or what had befallen her.

After his interview with McLeod, Thatcher kept investigating. He learned that a Louisville, Colorado, detective had looked into Kimball for the attempted murder of his own son. Two suspicious situations linked to Kimball—Kaysi’s disappearance and Justin’s accident—might have been coincidence, but Thatcher couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility that something else was going on. On March 8, 2006, he decided to contact the FBI to let them know that Kimball might be impersonating an agent. He was patched through to Schlaff, who by then had transferred to the bureau’s headquarters in Washington, D.C. “Yeah, he’s one of ours,” Schlaff said of Kimball. “He’s one of our informants.”

An informant—that made more sense to Thatcher. “I am working a white-collar case on Scott,” he explained.

“There is a big shocker,” Schlaff quipped. He knew all about Kimball’s history of check fraud. Schlaff explained that Kimball had been an informant in the unresolved case of a woman who disappeared. Her name, Schlaff said, was Jennifer Marcum.

Holy cow, Thatcher thought. Another suspicious incident. And three, as they say, is a pattern.

“Are you aware of Kaysi disappearing?” Thatcher asked. Schlaff said he was, and that McLeod had suggested her daughter might have run away. He didn’t know any other details. “Are you aware that Scott was the last person seen alive with her?” Thatcher continued. “He disappeared for a couple of days around that time period.” Thatcher was referring to the hunting trip Kimball said he was on when Kaysi vanished.

In that moment, Schlaff realized that he’d never asked McLeod about Kimball’s relationship with Kaysi. He’d been focused on what Kimball could tell him about Steve Ennis, Jason Price, Jennifer Marcum—anyone who might help Schlaff close a major case.

“Shit, Gary, I did not know that,” Schlaff admitted. “I am sorry. You are the first one to tell me.”

Schlaff was silent for a moment. “Well, Gary,” he finally said, “you might have a serial killer on your hands.”

Schlaff half-heartedly reassured Kimball that his life had value and then hung up.

A few days later, Thatcher arrived at the FBI office in Denver to meet with Jonny Grusing, a tall, reedy special agent assigned to help clean up what increasingly looked like a massive blunder on the part of the FBI. He wanted to put Kimball in custody, but he wasn’t sure how. No evidence proved that Kaysi McLeod or Jennifer Marcum was dead, let alone murdered, and there wasn’t sufficient cause to arrest Kimball for either woman’s disappearance. Meanwhile, Thatcher was still building the latest fraud case against Kimball, for the forged checks he’d deposited at a Colorado bank.

Then Kimball’s brother, Brett, told Thatcher and Grusing about some guns his brother had given him—guns that Kimball, as someone convicted of a felony, should not have possessed. The FBI put out a warrant for Kimball’s arrest on a weapons charge.

Kimball was in California at the time, but police weren’t sure where until McLeod gave them his cell phone number—it was new. Authorities traced it to a four-block radius in the Coachella Valley. They alerted police in Riverside, 50 miles from Los Angeles. U.S. marshals swarmed the area, with local cops as backup. FBI reports and news accounts describe what happened next.

Around 2:30 p.m. on March 14, 2006, Kimball left his 31-year-old girlfriend, Denise Pierce, at her office. (McLeod had been right about Kimball cheating.) Two marshals spotted Kimball’s maroon Ford F-350 weaving through heavy traffic. Plainclothes officers pulled up on the right side of the truck in an unmarked gold minivan. When one of the cops tried to pull Kimball over, he sped away. As he barreled recklessly through Riverside, Kimball phoned Pierce. She heard a helicopter and sirens and urged him to surrender. Kimball said that if he did, the police would kill him.

So he drove. Down dirt roads and over irrigation pipes, through school zones and orchards. He nearly ran into other cars. A helicopter and dozens of police vehicles were on his tail. He reached 80 miles per hour and narrowly missed hitting a local news crew. Police dropped spikes to puncture Kimball’s tires, but instead of driving over them, he turned off-road.

After more than three hours and 260 miles, Kimball drove into a farm field. Behind him, a black minivan parked and half a dozen men armed with assault rifles and body armor emerged. Kimball weaved through other cars that had pursued him into the field. Then he ran out of gas. His Ford sputtered to a stop. Authorities could see that Kimball was on his cell phone, but they couldn’t tell if he was armed.

Kimball stepped out of his truck, then got back in. He did it again. He put a gun to his head, answering the question about whether he was armed, and threatened to kill himself. He yelled to the marshals that he wanted to speak to Carle Schlaff.

Schlaff was at a Washington Capitals hockey game when his phone rang. “We’ve got Kimball stopped,” a marshal told him. Would Schlaff be willing to try to talk Kimball out of suicide? Kimball was patched into the line. “I’ve got nothing to live for,” he sobbed. “My life is over.” Schlaff half-heartedly reassured Kimball that his life had value and then hung up.

Eventually, Kimball stepped out of the truck and knelt on the ground. He was giving up. After he put down his phone and laid with his face in the earth, police handcuffed him.

Kimball was transferred to Denver, then quickly to Montana, where a local prosecutor had him jailed for skipping out on probation in 2001. For the time being, Grusing and Thatcher weren’t too concerned about where and for what crime Kimball was incarcerated—they just wanted to make sure he was behind bars somewhere while they developed their case against him. In Montana, Kimball was charged, convicted, and sentenced to two years in prison.

On May 22, 2006, he was brought to Denver to face the weapons charge. Kimball told the judge he wanted to change. “I would like to get whatever help I can to keep me from coming back to this—this situation, this cycle that I’m in,” Kimball said, according to court records. He was referring, it seemed, to his scams and other relatively minor offenses. The judge gave him ten months in jail and six months in a halfway house, to be served after he’d finished his sentence in Montana.

Law enforcement now faced a ticking clock: Thatcher and Grusing hoped to gather evidence against Kimball that would implicate him in multiple murders, but they needed to do so before he was released. They traveled to Montana to question him about Jennifer Marcum and Kaysi McLeod; Kimball denied knowing anything about what happened to either of them.

Grusing and Thatcher also contacted Kimball’s family, friends, and associates. Larissa Mineer still maintained that Kimball had raped her on two occasions; she also told the agents that she suspected he’d tried to poison her. Brett Gamblin, a man Kimball had shared a Montana jail cell with, told Thatcher that he’d visited Kimball in Denver and helped out with the beef business. He recounted a story eerily familiar to the one Kimball told about Jason Price when he accused him of murdering Marcum: One night, Kimball and Gamblin were drinking together when Kimball asked, “Are fake titties traceable?” They were, Gamblin said, because implants contain serial numbers. “Oh man,” he remembered Kimball replying, as if he was worried. According to Gamblin, Kimball later asked if he would help retrieve something from a dead body, as a favor to a friend. Gamblin said that he told Kimball no.

Gamblin admitted to being scared of Kimball. He said he was “under the impression” that his friend might have killed, or helped kill, two women. He claimed that Kimball once told him he knew about a drug dealer who paid “someone” $10,000 to kill a female witness in a case. “They will never find her,” Gamblin recalled his friend saying.

Back in Colorado, Lori McLeod was sorting through the detritus of her failed marriage. Shortly after her husband’s arrest, she was evicted from their condo. She’d stowed many of Kimball’s possessions in boxes—things he’d kept from prison or that McLeod had quickly gathered as she vacated their home. In one of them, she found Kaysi’s handwritten work schedule from Subway. It was for the week her daughter went missing. How did Kimball get it, and why had he kept it?

FBI records show that, at this point, McLeod began working closely with authorities. She turned over Kimball’s laptop, a Toshiba. When Grusing and Thatcher searched it, as well as Kimball’s desktop computer, they found hundreds of images and videos of women being tortured, maimed, and held at gunpoint. They found that Kimball had also read numerous news stories about a serial killer in Kansas who had bound, brutalized, and killed women.

Among the disturbing items on Kimball’s computers was a seemingly benign one: a photograph of a young woman, healthy and smiling. None of Kimball’s family or friends knew who she was. But Steve Holley did.

Holley was the prisoner at Englewood who, right after Kimball’s release to work the Ennis case, had been placed in isolation because Kimball told Schlaff he was plotting to escape. When Grusing and Thatcher interviewed him, Holley identified the woman in the picture as LeAnn Emry, his former girlfriend. Holley hadn’t heard from her since early 2003. But he was sure that she and Kimball had been in touch.

“He’s a dangerous person to fuck with. But if you don’t fuck with him, he’s your best friend.”

As it turned out, Holley had wanted to escape, and when Kimball was still incarcerated at Englewood, he’d promised to help. The plan was amateur verging on laughable: Once he was released, Kimball would drive a truck up to one of the prison’s walls and toss a ladder over it. After someone created a diversion on the other side of the facility, Holley would climb the ladder and get into the truck on the other side. Kimball would then reunite Holley and Emry in Mexico. From prison, Holley told Emry to follow Kimball’s instructions.

Emry was 24, short, with hazel eyes, and known in her family for her boundless compassion. Emry had postponed her professional ambitions to care for her mother after she suffered an aneurysm, her family later told authorities, taking up exotic dancing to pay the bills. Over the years, she adopted two chinchillas, a rabbit, a ferret, three dogs, two cats, a turtle, a hamster, and a goat. Emry also suffered from bipolar disorder and had attempted suicide. According to the FBI, after connecting with Emry in late 2002 at Holley’s behest, Kimball convinced her to help him steal credit card checks from discarded mail at post offices in the Denver area.

Schlaff had no idea that Kimball was involved in planning Holley’s escape when he informed the prison of Holley’s intentions. When the guards moved Holley to isolation, Emry suddenly couldn’t reach him anymore. She became more reliant on Kimball than ever, even as she grew increasingly wary of him. “He’s a dangerous person to fuck with,” she wrote in an email to her cousin Heather on January 10, 2003. “But if you don’t fuck with him, he’s your best friend. I need him right now. He can do things that I can’t right now. Plus, I’m too involved right now to back away, not that I want to back away, but still.”

A few days later, Emry told her family that she was going caving. In fact, she was about to embark on a crime spree with Kimball. Emry called her sister, Michelle, the night she left. “In case something happens to me,” Michelle recalled her saying, “I want you to know that I love you.” Michelle was worried, but she’d expressed concerns about Emry’s lifestyle and choice in men before, to no avail. What else could she say? Kimball and Emry spent two weeks traveling through Wyoming, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington, stealing checks and racking up charges on her credit card. All told, they committed at least $15,000 in fraud, though neither of them would be linked to the crime until much later. Emry also used her credit cards to buy gas at a filling station and a laptop from Best Buy—the Toshiba where the FBI later found her photograph.

One day, Emry phoned Heather from a hotel room. According to statements Heather gave the FBI, the women chatted for more than two hours. Emry talked about Holley, whom she still couldn’t reach. She talked about the dangers of stripping at private parties and some crooked cops she claimed to be hanging around with. “If [Kimball] comes back, I’ve got to hang up,” Emry explained at one point. “If he knew I was talking to you, he’d kill you and me.”

“Are you safe?” Heather asked.

“Pretty safe.”

Emry said she couldn’t tell her cousin what she was doing or where she was, and Heather was reluctant to pry. Emry began to cry, saying this might be the last time they ever talked. “If you don’t hear from me, know that I love you,” she said, echoing her words to Michelle. “I’ve got to go now.”

She hung up. Heather never heard from her again.

Sometime later, the sheriff’s department in Moab, Utah, called Emry’s father, Howard, to inform him that her car had been found. Howard began looking for his daughter and learned that she was known to associate with a former Englewood prisoner. But as he later told reporters, he couldn’t track down the man’s name or get authorities interested in finding his daughter.

Grusing and Thatcher now suspected that Kimball had killed at least three women: Jennifer Marcum, Kaysi McLeod, and LeAnn Emry. They also suspected that he’d killed his uncle Terry—that the story about Terry going to Mexico with a stripper was a lie. They were amassing rafts of information, but little direct or forensic evidence.

Then, in April 2007, Thatcher found a grocery-store receipt in one of the boxes from McLeod’s home. It showed that Kimball had been in Walden, Colorado, the day after Kaysi disappeared. Walden is a small town in a vastly wooded part of the state. Grusing bought a map of the area from the Forest Service and mentioned that he was investigating a homicide. As it happened, rangers had recently found a skull that likely belonged to a young woman. DNA testing confirmed that it was Kaysi’s.

The skull and receipt didn’t prove that Kimball had killed Kaysi. Still, as Thatcher told me, it “gave us a lot more teeth to solicit cooperation from Scott.”

Colorado law penalizes so-called habitual criminals. With new evidence about his many financial scams, including the forged checks he’d deposited into the account of his meat business, prosecutors were prepared to charge Kimball as a serial con man. For that he faced 48 years in prison. The state offered him a deal: Plead guilty to the fraud charges and lead investigators to the bodies of all of his murder victims; if the remains were recovered, and Kimball pled guilty to the killings, he’d do no additional time for them. If Kimball rejected the deal, investigators would continue looking for the bodies while he was locked up as a habitual criminal. Once Grusing and Thatcher had proof that he’d committed murder, they warned Kimball, he could face the death penalty.

Kimball took the deal.

CHAPTER 5

Kimball led the FBI to LeAnn Emry’s body—he’d shot her and then left her between some rocks in Book Cliffs, a remote part of eastern Utah named for sandstone buttes that rise from the desert floor. Next, he guided agents to Terry’s body, which he’d buried near Vail Pass, Colorado, after taking the suitcase of cash that he’d arrived from Alabama with. Kimball also led the FBI to several places where he claimed Jennifer Marcum was buried, but searches turned up nothing. Eventually, Kimball said he’d forgotten exactly where he’d left her.

The officials working the case suspected he was toying with them. What’s more, Grusing told me he believes Kimball murdered more people. “If you look at how quickly he killed his four victims, this can’t be his first homicide,” he explained. Grusing said that circumstantial evidence links Kimball to at least two other murders, but the FBI has yet to find definitive proof of his guilt.

Without Marcum’s remains, the original plea deal was off. Kimball now faced additional penalties for the murders. Shortly before his October 2009 sentencing hearing, he gave a set of documents to his public defender, who shared them with Kimball’s cousin, Ed Coet, a former Army intelligence officer. Among them were a series of FBI 302s—official summaries of the interviews that investigators had conducted with people who knew Kimball. Coet and the public defender were shocked by the contents. “The FBI had withheld key information from the families of the murdered victims,” Coet later wrote in a self-published book, SLK (Kimball’s initials), about his initial reaction to the documents.

According to one of the files, the FBI had granted Steve Ennis immunity for revealing that Kimball helped run a rape-porn business with him. That would explain the graphic videos and images agents found on Kimball’s computers. Ennis also reportedly told the bureau that Marcum and Emry had brought drugs into Englewood, and that Kimball had killed them on behalf of gangs that ran the prison’s drug trade and didn’t want the women on their turf. (Coet did not reach out to Ennis about the 302s.)

Coet believed he had evidence that the FBI knew Kimball was violent and failed to stop him. He planned to say as much in the Boulder courtroom where Kimball was set to be sentenced. The hearing was attended by family and friends of the victims, as well as cops, reporters, and curious spectators. Cameras flashed and journalists jostled for interviews with Kimball’s relatives, who were seated in the courtroom’s back row. Kimball arrived in a red prison jumpsuit and glasses. He was stoic through the proceedings.

The judge asked Kimball how he pled to murdering LeAnn Emry, Jennifer Marcum, Kaysi McLeod, and Terry Kimball. “Guilty,” he responded each time. The victims’ loved ones were allowed to speak. Marcum’s family told Kimball that he wouldn’t find peace until he told them where she was. (As of this writing, Marcum’s remains have not been found.) “He made the deliberate choice to murder, and he made that choice at least four times,” Emry’s mother said. McLeod spoke, too, but with compassion. A year earlier, she’d had her marriage to Kimball annulled. “I believe that Kaysi has forgiven Scott Kimball,” she said, crying. “I choose to forgive Scott Kimball.”

Afterward, in the hallway, Coet spoke to the media. He wore a camouflage cap and a black leather jacket, and read a statement on Kimball’s behalf: “I deserve to be held accountable and punished for my crimes. However, I did not act alone.” Through Coet, Kimball said that he’d been an FBI informant working for Carle Schlaff. “I gave him only useless information,” the statement read, “but he was able to direct me deep into a criminal underworld that was exciting and intriguing but turned out to be very dangerous and deadly.” The implication, it seemed, was that Kimball had gotten in over his head and Schlaff had done nothing to help.

McLeod confronted Coet in a scene captured on video by a local newspaper reporter. “What would be the purpose of him marrying me and murdering my daughter?” she asked.

Coet told her that, according to Kimball, Kaysi was involved in a criminal conspiracy, just like Marcum and Emry were, bringing drugs into Englewood. McLeod stared at Coet for a beat. “Absolutely not,” she said before walking away. (McLeod died of breast cancer in 2019, at the age of 60. After her diagnosis, she said that she was looking forward to being reunited with Kaysi. She always blamed herself for introducing Kimball to her daughter.)

A few weeks after the hearing, Coet emailed copies of the 302s to the producers of the CBS investigative news show 48 Hours and to reporters in Denver. 48 Hours interviewed Coet for an episode it was planning on Kimball, in which the 302s would be key elements. Both CBS and the Boulder Daily Camera confronted the FBI with the documents and asked for comment.

Soon after, one of the reporters contacted Coet. The FBI had informed them that the 302s were forgeries. Behind bars, Kimball had used a computer and printer to fabricate documents so convincing that Coet and Kimball’s public defender believed what they said.

“Like everyone else in his life,” Coet later wrote in SLK, “we were conned by him.”

Someone had to answer for the humiliation Kimball had caused the FBI.

The revelations about Kimball compelled the FBI to reexamine everything he’d ever said and done as an informant. One by one, the lies unraveled, starting with the Arnold Wesley Flowers case in Alaska. Grusing discovered that, although Kimball had convinced his handlers that Flowers planned to have witnesses murdered, what Flowers actually said was ambiguous—along the lines of, Tell that person not to testify and everything will be fine. (A jury found Flowers guilty of witness tampering, not attempted murder. After his release, he was convicted in 2016 of wire fraud in an unrelated case; he remains in prison.)

Someone had to answer for the humiliation Kimball had caused the FBI. The bureau’s Office of Professional Responsibility (OPR), which investigates employee misconduct, sent agents to Colorado, Alaska, and Washington. Most of its efforts focused on Carle Schlaff. “It was almost like the leadership was embarrassed, like they had to do something, and that something was punish Carle,” said Nick Vanicelli, a retired FBI special agent.

In 2012, Schlaff walked into a conference room at the FBI’s national headquarters, eager to clear his name. What transpired that day was described to me by Schlaff and another agent. Schlaff shook hands with Candice Will, the OPR’s assistant director. Will outlined her division’s findings: Kimball’s history of frequenting sex workers, the rape porn on his computer, his alleged abuse of Larissa Mineer. Why hadn’t Schlaff known about any of it? “We don’t go to ex-wives of potential informants and ask them about their sexual appetites and behaviors,” Schlaff said.

Will listed other missteps, including Schlaff’s decision to use Kimball after an agent in the Seattle office said he was unreliable. Little was said about Kimball’s time working for the FBI before he was transferred to Denver, or the kidnapping and assault charges that were dropped when he first became an informant. (When reached for comment, the OPR said the FBI does not comment on internal disciplinary matters.)

Schlaff was suspended for three weeks without pay. He appealed, and the suspension was reduced to two weeks. But his reputation at the bureau never recovered. U.S. attorneys didn’t want him testifying in cases. The head of the Denver office told him that the organization didn’t want him involved in any criminal investigations, period.

Schlaff left the FBI in 2013, after 23 years on the job. He operated a taxidermy business and provided security for oil companies before joining the police department in Fairplay, Colorado, in late 2020. He told me he isn’t bitter about what happened, but he also feels that attention was unduly focused on his errors. The FBI had already used Kimball on two cases before Schlaff ever got involved with him; his supervisors knew who his informant was. Schlaff feels he’s been judged from the convenient vantage of hindsight. “Everything is always clearer on Monday morning,” he said. “All the families lost loved ones. If they feel better to blame me for it, that’s fine.”

What about the moment he realized that Kimball might be a serial killer? Did it shake him to learn his informant was so violent? He said no. “I am not that shocked about what people do to each other anymore,” Schlaff said. “People kill for a whole lot less.”

Kimball boasted more than once about being smarter than the FBI.

Kimball was sentenced to 70 years, to be served concurrently with the fraud and weapons sentences. Though the authorities had threatened him with the death penalty, he avoided facing it when he was sentenced in liberal Boulder County. He won’t be eligible for parole until 2054, when he’s in his late eighties.

While in prison, Kimball married Elizabeth Marie Francis, a woman in her twenties who is in a Kansas prison for child abuse. They have never met in person. Kimball, whom I spoke to several times for this story, told me that he killed his uncle Terry because he was a child molester, and Jennifer Marcum, LeAnn Emry, and Kaysi McLeod because they were either trying to blackmail him or intended to inform on him to the FBI. On one occasion he changed his story: He told me that he killed the women at the behest of a biker gang. There is no evidence corroborating any of Kimball’s claims about his victims.

In 2015, Kimball began sharing his cell at Colorado’s Sterling Correctional Facility with Jimmy Tanksley, who was serving a 35-year sentence for robbery and attempted murder but was soon to be released on parole. Once Tanksley was free, Kimball had a plan for him: Kimball would pay Tanksley to kill a former business associate he knew had money, and they would split the take. Because the target was roughly the same height and build as Tanksley, Kimball even suggested that Tanksley could assume his identity. Another prisoner, Marc Sylvester, who was serving a 48-year sentence for murder, requested a hit of his own: He wanted Tanksley to kill his father. He drew detailed maps of his father’s neighborhood and the interior of his home. He said that his dad had guns and gold that Tanksley could steal.

Once Tanksley had committed the murders, Kimball said, he should rent a helicopter from an airfield north of Denver and threaten the pilot until he agreed to land it in the Sterling Correctional yard. Kimball and Sylvester would climb aboard and fly to a spot where Tanksley would make sure a car was waiting. They would then drive to Montana, where Kimball told the other two men he’d once buried a million dollars. From there they would flee to Alaska.

Tanksley was paroled in March 2017. Over the next few months, he spoke by phone with Sylvester and Kimball about the escape, using coded language. “We’re still on the good, I got that ride, that new ride, that’s strapped down and ready to go,” Tanksley said. “I’m fixin’ to let the clutch on it, see how fast it’ll go.”

The escape was set for September 22. That afternoon, Kimball and Sylvester went to the prison yard in ball caps and sunglasses. They sat at a table for nearly two hours. Kimball glanced periodically at his watch. The helicopter never showed.

That’s because Tanksley was working with the FBI.

He had relayed Kimball’s plot to the DEA, which then contacted Grusing. The FBI monitored and recorded Tanksley’s calls with Sylvester and Kimball. The two men were charged with attempting to escape prison and for solicitation to murder. In January 2020, Kimball pled guilty to the former charge and received four years in prison, concurrent with his existing sentence. (The murder solicitation charges were dropped after the local DA was indicted on drug charges.) Tanksley, who was later picked up on a DUI, is back behind bars—he told me that, as a known prison snitch, he’s afraid for his life.

After his plea, Kimball was on lockdown for 20 hours a day. He was eventually transferred to Colorado State Penitentiary in Cañon City. During our various interviews for this story, he boasted more than once about being smarter than the FBI. “They have tunnel vision, and that is a problem,” he told me. “Once they get something in their mind, they are not going to let it go, even if they are wrong.”

“Those feds,” Kimball told me, “are so fucking stupid.”


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Invisible Kid

Invisible Kid
Sentenced to life in prison at 16, Adolfo Davis hoped a Supreme Court ruling would give him a chance at a new beginning. But nothing about freedom turned out as he expected.

The Atavist Magazine, No. 114


Maddy Crowell has written for Harper’s, The Guardian, and The Point. She lives in New York City. Hear more about “Invisible Kid” and the Atavist redesign on the Creative Nonfiction podcast.

Editor: Jonah Ogles
Art Director: Ed Johnson
Copy Editor: Sean Cooper
Fact Checker: Adam Przybyl

Published in April 2021.


INCARCERATION

1.

Sometime after he had given up hope and then recovered it, Adolfo Davis began writing letters from his prison cell. Around 1999, he bought paper and pens from the commissary and wrote one letter after another, three times a week. He wrote on his bed, a squeaky metal frame with a lumpy loaf of a mattress, under the ugly glare of a fluorescent light bulb. There was nothing much to look at in his cell, just gray walls and a burnt-orange door made of steel, with tiny holes drilled through it. Muffled sounds from the hallway helped him figure out what time of day it was, when it was mealtime, which guards were working.

“My name is Adolfo Davis, and I’m trying to get home and regain my freedom,” he would write. “I didn’t shoot nobody. Please, help me get a second chance at life.” He sent a letter to nearly every law firm in Chicago, and after that, to every firm he could find in the state of Illinois. Most of the time, the letters went unanswered. Occasionally, he received a curt apology: “Sorry, we are at capacity.” Or simply: “We can’t, but good luck.”

Adolfo was in his early twenties when he started writing the letters. He had a boyish smile, a light mustache, and a disarming charisma that could fold into stillness when he felt like being alone. In 1993, at the age of 16, he’d been convicted as an accomplice to a double murder that took place when he was 14. He claimed that he was there when the killings happened, but that he didn’t pull the trigger. For that he was serving a mandatory life sentence, without the possibility of parole.

Prisons in Illinois were teeming with cases like his—Black men who’d been locked up as teenagers. Few would ever be freed. Over the years, Adolfo watched friends become optimistic and then have their hopes dashed by the courts, by politicians, by their own lawyers. He once saw someone make it to the front door of the prison after a ruling was issued in his favor, only to be sent back to his cell when a state’s attorney made a last-minute phone call to a judge.

Sometimes Adolfo felt like he was trapped at the bottom of an hourglass, the sand piling up around him: Every falling grain meant another day of his life lost. Except that he wasn’t sure exactly what he was missing. He’d been free in the world for only 14 years—about as long as it takes some woolly bear caterpillars to become moths. What he remembered best was the small slice of Chicago’s South Side where he grew up. He remembered selling drugs on street corners, and coming home to find no food in the house. He remembered being evicted 11 times in 12 years, and sleeping in apartments crammed with other kids, aunties and uncles, friends. He remembered doing wheelies on his bike, showing off to the other kids in his neighborhood. He remembered getting up early on Sundays to get a Super Transfer—a bus ticket good for an entire day—and riding downtown, where skyscrapers towered above him. He and his friends would spend the day shining shoes or breakdancing for money.

The letters continued into Adolfo’s thirties. At some point, he began to wonder if he’d be writing them for the rest of his life. He would if he had to, because despite the terms of his sentence, the only thing that sustained him was the thought that he might eventually be released. So he kept writing; the months bled together, and the years did, too.

One day in 2009, Adolfo got a letter from the officials at Illinois’s Stateville prison, where he was incarcerated, notifying him that a lawyer would visit him the next day. Her name was Patricia Soung, and she was from the Children and Family Justice Center, a legal clinic run by Northwestern University, in Evanston, just outside Chicago. Adolfo had no idea what her visit was about, but he felt a sudden buoyancy.

When he met Soung, he could tell right away that she was, as he later put it, “an alpha”—professional and direct. Yet she seemed to care about him as a person, too. She and her team were working on juvenile-justice cases in Illinois, she explained, and they’d come across his. She wanted to take it on pro bono. Was he interested?

In more than a decade of writing letters, Adolfo had never sent one to Soung or the Children and Family Justice Center. This offer of possible salvation came entirely out of the blue.

2.

At the time when Adolfo met Soung, the United States was the only country in the world that sentenced children convicted of certain crimes to life in prison. In Illinois, as in many other states, adolescents as young as 14 could be transferred to an adult court, allowing prosecutors to circumvent a juvenile-court system that was considered more rehabilitative than punitive. If a child was convicted of a double murder in adult court, the mandatory sentence was life imprisonment without the possibility of parole—judges were barred from taking into account the circumstances surrounding the crime to lower the sentence. The year Adolfo was arrested, 2,500 other adolescents across the country were serving mandatory life sentences.

Individuals convicted of certain crimes before they were 18 could also be sentenced to death, until a 2005 Supreme Court decision, Roper v. Simmons, abolished that option on the grounds that it violated the Eighth Amendment’s prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment. The decision was based in part on the idea that adolescents had an “underdeveloped sense of responsibility” and were “more vulnerable or susceptible to negative influences and outside pressures, including peer pressure.”

A coalition of activists and lawyers decided to use Roper to try to bring an end to mandatory life sentences for minors. The group was led in large part by Bryan Stevenson, an Alabama lawyer who saw an opportunity in the ruling: If the Supreme Court agreed that adolescents’ brains were fundamentally different from adults’, he reasoned, then why should a child ever be sentenced as an adult? Stevenson began searching the country for test cases—people serving life sentences who’d been locked up as kids. He had nearly 2,000 to choose from.

Stevenson zeroed in on 35 cases, spread over 20 states. They mostly involved the youngest adolescents condemned to die in prison. Stevenson filed an appeal in each of the cases, and two of them eventually reached the Supreme Court. In the first, Miller v. Alabama, a man named Evan Miller was 14 when he beat his neighbor and then set fire to his trailer, killing him, after a night of drinking and drug use. In the second, Jackson v. Hobbs, Kuntrell Jackson, also 14, robbed an Arkansas video store with two older teenagers, one of whom killed the store’s clerk.

In 2012, the Supreme Court delivered a monumental five to four decision in favor of Miller. It ruled that it was unlawful to hand a child a mandatory life sentence that failed to take “into account the family and home environment … no matter how brutal or dysfunctional.” As Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg put it during oral arguments, “You’re dealing with a 14-year-old being sentenced to life in prison, so he will die in prison without any hope. I mean, essentially, you’re making a 14-year-old a throwaway person.”

Adolfo Davis at age 15

The ruling was groundbreaking in that it compelled judges to consider a child’s background in determining sentencing. But it also left open the question of whether the decision could apply to older cases, ones that had already been litigated. Soung’s team at Northwestern wanted to use Adolfo’s case to set a precedent, cementing that the Miller ruling could be applied retroactively. In 2014, they brought his case before the Illinois Supreme Court, and to Adolfo’s amazement the judges ruled in his favor: Based on Miller, he could appeal his life sentence. The decision didn’t set him free, but it cleared a path for that to happen.

Suddenly, Adolfo’s story garnered national attention. He found himself on the front page of The New York Times—a photo of him in an oversize brown prison uniform appeared above a story about his case. “A Murderer at 14, Then a Lifer, Now a Man Pondering a Future,” the headline read. Journalists from the Chicago Sun-Times, the Chicago Tribune, and WBEZ contacted him, asking him to share his story. “‘I’m just praying for a second chance,’” one headline declared, quoting Adolfo.

By then he was 38. He’d spent nearly a quarter-century—most of his life—behind bars. With every letter he sent and every prayer he whispered, he’d been waiting for this moment. The possibility of release softened the harsh edges of prison, made them tolerable. At the same time, he was wary of what might happen when his case went back to court. The system had always been against him. Why should anything change now?

His resentencing hearing was scheduled for April 13, 2015. When the day finally arrived, Adolfo felt too jittery to eat breakfast, but he tried anyway, forcing spoonfuls of lukewarm eggs into his mouth. From a friend in prison, he’d heard that his assigned judge, Angela Petrone, was tough; she’d been a  prosecutor before taking the bench, and tended to give the state the benefit of the doubt. Adolfo feared that the outcome would not be good.

His attorneys understood that fear. They, too, knew Petrone was often conservative in her rulings. Still, any sentence other than life in prison would open the door to Adolfo someday being free.

“Are you ready?” Soung asked when Adolfo sat down at the defense table in the courtroom, dressed in slacks, a light-pink shirt, and a purple tie. It was the first time he’d worn civilian clothes in more than 20 years. Adolfo nodded. His face was calm, but every cell in his body seemed to quiver.

A team from Channel Seven, one of Chicago’s largest news stations, showed up to report on the hearing, along with writers from several major newspapers. It was a big case in Illinois. The courtroom was packed, and activists from around the country were watching closely. To the defense team, the question was not whether Adolfo deserved punishment—his conviction would stand no matter what—but how much time was enough, given the challenging environment he grew up in and his age at the time of the crime. For the prosecution, the hearing was a fresh chance to prove that Adolfo deserved to spend his life behind bars.

The state prosecutor, James P. McKay, was familiar: He had argued the case against Adolfo 22 years earlier. A white man in a black suit who moved restlessly around the courtroom, McKay spoke first. “It took a jury all of three hours to find [Adolfo] guilty,” he said in his opening statement. “Make no mistake about it, this defendant was not a 14-year-old naive, scared, merely present lookout, despite what some people out there want the world to believe. Make no mistake about it, Judge, this defendant was a shooter. The ripe old age of 14, this defendant was a shooter, an executioner. They might have been young, but they were violent.”

While McKay spoke, Adolfo exhaled softly. It was going to be a long day.

3.

Adolfo Davis was born in 1976 and raised in various neighborhoods on the South Side of Chicago, including the Back of the Yards. The area got its name for its proximity to the former Union Stock Yard and Transit Co. It had once a major meatpacking hub, but the industry dried up in the decades following World War II, and by 1990, after many of the neighborhood’s Slavic immigrants moved away, Black and Latino families had moved in.

Adolfo’s mother, Karen, was only around in physical form. As Adolfo remembers it, she “loved drugs more than her children.” When he was a toddler, his grandmother Fannie became his legal guardian. Fannie had migrated to Chicago from Mississippi in the 1950s, but she found life in the city just as challenging as it was in the South: She tried to support her 11 children, and then their children, but she never earned enough money to feed everyone.

At school, kids teased Adolfo for smelling bad and for wearing the same clothes every day. He would beat up anybody who made fun of him. He got into so many fights that he was kicked out of middle school without ever learning to read or write. To cope with feelings he couldn’t understand, he discovered new ways to harm himself, pouring alcohol on his head and setting it on fire, or burning himself with his mother’s cigarettes. He once played Russian roulette with a friend’s loaded gun. For fun, he and some older boys in the neighborhood scaled roofs and jumped the gaps between buildings, with the street 30 or 40 feet below. At night he wet the bed and suffered from insomnia, sleep terrors, and hallucinations. “I stayed out of the house as much as I could,” he recalled. “I just felt like I didn’t ever want to be born. All the time, I’d look at other kids who had good mothers or fathers, and I wished I had what they had.”

To get money for food, Adolfo and his brother walked to a Shell station five blocks from their house and pumped gas for a few quarters. Because that didn’t always earn them enough, they learned to steal what they needed. One day, Adolfo was shivering with hunger when he saw another child, a girl, step out from a corner store with a sandwich in her hand. Adolfo tried to snatch it from her. She fled with the sandwich but dropped three dollars’ worth of food stamps and 75 cents in change. Adolfo picked it all up and treated himself to a large soda pop, hot dogs, and fries. A few days later, he was arrested for robbery. The police took him to a station, with plans to release him that night. But nobody came to pick him up, so officers sent Adolfo to the Cook County Temporary Juvenile Detention Center, also known as the Audy Home. He was nine.

When he got to Audy, for the first time in his life, Adolfo was given three meals a day and a room with a bed to himself. After he was released, he tried to get himself locked up again anytime he grew tired of worrying about where his next meal would come from. Audy became his home away from home. From 1986 to 1990, he was taken to a police station on 20 occasions, and he was sent to Audy in half of those instances—anytime the charge was relatively serious, like when he stole a car.

His frequent arrests caught the attention of the Department of Family and Children’s Services. When a probation officer visited his home in 1990, the officer noted that he had a “mother reeking of alcohol.” According to a DFCS report, the home had “cockroaches climbing on the walls,” no kitchen table, and as many as 15 children inside. The caseworker recommended that Adolfo be “removed from his home environment.” But nobody ever came to get him after that visit. 

Adolfo found a family in the streets instead. The two warring gangs in his neighborhood were the Gangster Disciples and the Black Disciples, which at one point had been a single gang—the Black Gangster Disciples—before splitting into factions. The Gangster Disciples, or GD, dominated Adolfo’s block. Founded in the 1960s by Larry Hoover and David Barksdale, the GD was one of the largest street gangs in the country, claiming up to 30,000 members. In its heyday, according to Illinois state prosecutors, the GD generated up to $100 million a year in drug sales. The gang was believed to be responsible for hundreds of murders in Chicago in the 1980s, at the peak of the crack epidemic. It recruited young boys from all over the city.

One day when Adolfo was 11 or 12, he was walking with a friend, Eugene Bowman, when a group of older teenagers approached them and asked if they wanted to make $250 a week. All they had to do was stand on the corner and keep watch for police cars. If they saw cops, they were instructed to shout code words—like “1151” or “Suzy!”—to raise the alarm. He and Eugene accepted the offer immediately. Soon after, Adolfo got a tattoo of his new gang’s symbol on his forearm—a six-pointed star with devil horns, with a “G” inscribed in the center.

For the first time in his life, he felt like he belonged somewhere. He didn’t have to worry about being fed, or about loneliness. Gang members took care of him; they gave him food and brought him into their homes. As he got older, he was handed a gun that he was never taught how to use, and introduced to designated street corners where he was supposed to sell drugs.

Then one night, everything went terribly wrong. It was October 1990, a particularly dangerous time in Adolfo’s neighborhood. There was an ongoing war over drug territory, and someone from the Black Disciples was rumored to have tossed a Molotov cocktail at a GD leader’s house. Adolfo, who’d turned 14 two months earlier, met up with Eugene Bowman and Allen Caffey, another gang member, who intended to retaliate by stealing drugs from their rivals. The three teenagers, all armed, caught a taxi to 56th and Calumet, a notoriously contested area where they knew about a drug house controlled by the Black Disciples. When they reached the house around 1 a.m., they saw someone walk out. They pointed a gun in his face and told him to show them where the drugs were kept. When someone opened the front door, shots flew.

The details of what happened next are murky. A prosecutor would later argue that all three boys—Adolfo and his two friends—fired their guns. Adolfo says his gun was knocked from his hand as soon as he entered the apartment. Four men were shot. Two of them were killed instantly, including Keith Whitfield, a teenager who used to eat lunch with Adolfo on the roof of his building. Adolfo felt numb. He fled the scene just as sirens began screaming in the distance.

The next day, October 10, 1990, the fact that four men had been shot, and two killed, on the South Side barely made the news. In the Tribune, it was lumped together with several other weekend deaths under the headline: “Columbus Day Weekend Adds 13 Chicago Killings.”

4.

The shootings occurred as the tough-on-crime era was getting into full swing. Four years earlier, President Ronald Reagan had signed the Anti-Drug Abuse Act, which allocated funds to build prisons and introduced the idea of a mandatory minimum sentence for selling drugs. The presidential election in 1988 saw the release of the infamous Willie Horton ad, which peddled racist stereotypes and helped sink Democrat Michael Dukakis’s bid for the White House. By 1994, there were over a million people incarcerated in the United States—three times more than in 1980.

The same year, President Bill Clinton signed the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, which included the three-strikes statute requiring “mandatory life imprisonment without possibility of parole for Federal offenders with three or more convictions for serious violent felonies or drug trafficking crimes.” Adults weren’t the only targets of new legislation. In 1996, Hillary Clinton gave a campaign speech for her husband in which she warned of a threat facing the nation. “These are not just gangs of kids anymore,” she said. “They are often the kinds of kids that are called ‘super-predators’: no conscience, no empathy.” (Clinton apologized for the remark in 2016.) By the end of the decade, all but four states had passed laws that made it easier for children to be tried in adult courts.

Two days after the murders at 56th and Calumet, the police showed up at Adolfo’s grandmother’s house looking for him. He wasn’t home, but when Adolfo saw his grandmother later that evening, she told him that he needed to go talk to the police. He didn’t think much of it: He hadn’t shot anyone, so why should he worry? Because he was a minor, the police said that his mother had to accompany him to the station. Though she was intoxicated at the time, she obliged.

As soon as they entered the station, according to Adolfo, he was taken to an interrogation room and handcuffed to the wall, and he wasn’t read his Miranda rights. (During his trial, police officers disputed this: They claimed Adolfo was read his rights, and that he was not handcuffed. No evidence exists to corroborate either account.) Because he couldn’t read or write, Adolfo recalled, the police offered him a statement they’d drafted and told him that if he signed it, he could leave. They read it out loud to him. Adolfo’s mother urged him to sign so they could go home. He did. “I never thought that signing that paper meant I wouldn’t be back home for 30 years,” he said.

Adolfo remembers being removed from the interrogation room. His bail was set at $100,000, which his family couldn’t pay, so he was taken to the Audy home until his trial, which was held three years later.

At Audy, Adolfo’s grandmother came to visit him at least once a week. They played cards together, and she snuck him candy and snacks. She never asked him what happened the night of the killings, but Adolfo could feel how much it weighed on her. She was the only person he felt loved him, and he had let her down. A new pain began burning inside him. He felt like he was a burden to her, to everyone.

One day not long after his 15th birthday, when his grandmother had just left after one of their visits, Adolfo climbed onto the bed in his cell to peek out the window. He saw her crying at the bus stop outside. It was too much. He attached the sheet from his bed to a pipe above him, tied it around his neck, and jumped. Even though he was only five feet tall and little more than 100 pounds, the pipe collapsed under his weight. He sat on the floor crying, thinking, I’m so stupid I can’t even kill myself. He was placed on suicide watch.

When it finally came time for his trial, in March 1993, Adolfo joined his state-appointed lawyer, Mark Kusatzky, at the Cook County courthouse. “Guns, gangs, drugs, and murder, that’s what this case is about,” the prosecution’s opening argument began. “And more simply, that is what Allen Caffey, Adolfo Davis, and Eugene Bowman were about.”

About a dozen witnesses spoke—detectives who’d been at the scene of the crime, forensics experts, a doctor, a firearms examiner, police officers who’d interrogated Adolfo, and two men who’d survived the shooting that night, Alfred Weeden and Lamont Baxter. Both of them pointed Adolfo out to the judge and said he’d fired a gun. Bullets from the weapon Adolfo was said to be carrying were never recovered from the shooting, but in the end, whether he fired a weapon or not hardly mattered. According to Illinois law at the time, if someone was convicted of participating in a double homicide, even if they didn’t actually kill the victims, the mandatory sentence was life.

Adolfo was found guilty of two counts of first-degree murder, two counts of attempted murder, and home invasion. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. On the trial transcript, his name was misspelled in the case title: The People of the State of Illinois v. Addolfo Davis. Nobody had bothered to correct it.

5.

In 1994, Adolfo was transferred to Stateville Correctional Center, an imposing maximum-security prison spread over 2,200 acres of land and surrounded by 33-foot walls. Adolfo was still small in stature, and he was not yet 18, making him one of the youngest people incarcerated at Stateville. The moment he walked in, he saw a prisoner wearing a Chicago Bulls collectors’ cap and a Duke University hoodie, with a flashy chain gleaming on his chest. The man was mopping the floor. Adolfo couldn’t believe that someone in lockup was allowed to dress like that. When he approached, the man asked Adolfo if he was in a gang.

“GD,” Adolfo said. The guy held out his fist to bump. He was GD, too. Soon after, Adolfo met a GD kid he grew up with, who showed him around and introduced him to more gang members. There were hundreds of them. Adolfo was surrounded by family.

The rivalries from the streets seemed to be exacerbated inside the prison walls. There were dozens of gangs: the Black P Stones, the Latin Kings, the Almighty Saints, the Spanish Cobras. Stateville was virtually lawless. Adolfo smoked weed, partied, drank, got a 20-year-old pregnant, and was involved in so many fights that he was repeatedly sent to an isolation unit. While he was in isolation one day, a guard humiliated him by trying to take away his belongings. As revenge, Adolfo hid a can of tomato paste inside his laundry bag. When the guard came to unlock his door, Adolfo swung the bag straight at the man’s face, splitting his cheek. Another time, when he was 19, he hit a rival gang member in the face with a pipe. He assaulted guards and other prisoners so often that finally he was sent to Tamms, a supermax prison.

Adolfo arrived there in 1998, with his hands and feet shackled. Located 350 miles from Chicago, Tamms was the farthest Adolfo had ever been from home. He was taken to a 70-square-foot room that held a toilet, bed, and sink. He was kept in his cell, alone, for 23 hours a day. It was there that he finally began to experience the full weight of his sentence. “Time felt slow, slow, slow,” Adolfo said. “It wasn’t getting no better. When you’re in prison, you’re stuck there all day. Nothing to do but stare at the walls. You try to sleep all day, but you wake up and it’s the same day.”

At first he felt suicidal again. Then angry. He began writing poetry—he’d learned to read and write early in his sentence—that came out in floods of rage directed at his mother. “How could you bring me into this world / When you knew you wasn’t ready?” one early poem inquired. Another went: “I wish I could have died at birth, / so I would have never seen your face, / and you could have felt the pain / that you have given me.”

Adolfo had few visitors. Over the years, friends and relatives showed up in spurts, but just as Adolfo became hopeful that they would be a steady presence in his life, they’d stop visiting altogether. In 2002, he was removed from Tamms and sent from prison to prison across Illinois—a dizzying experience. In 2010, back at Stateville, he began to have one regular visitor, someone he knew from his earliest days in detention at Audy: Father David Kelly, a 54-year-old priest who ran an organization in the Back of the Yards called the Precious Blood Ministry.

Kelly, who moved to the Back of the Yards in 2001 and never left, was a revered figure in the neighborhood. Precious Blood was just down the street from one of Adolfo’s childhood homes, though he wasn’t aware of it at the time. It was meant to be a place where young boys could intern at the woodshop instead of dealing drugs—where they could be mentored by older men and women who had served time in prison and were eager to help others avoid the same trajectory. In some cases, Precious Blood helped kids with bail and temporarily housed men and women who’d recently been released from prison.

Adolfo’s days in prison remained long and empty. The hope of getting out became his only lifeline.

When Adolfo was on trial, Father Kelly had showed up. He later wrote letters to Adolfo, and Adolfo wrote back, telling him about his days and what he was thinking. Sometimes Adolfo sent Father Kelly his poems, which Kelly put in a Precious Blood newsletter and shared with kids in the neighborhood. When Kelly began visiting Adolfo regularly at Stateville, they met in the visitation area, which had vending machines full of snacks Adolfo didn’t often get to indulge in: chips, soda, hamburgers, popcorn, Twinkies. As they ate, Kelly asked Adolfo about his life, about what he might still do with it, even from behind bars. They talked about what it would mean for Adolfo to become a positive force in the world. Sometimes, Kelly arranged phone calls with younger boys in the Back of the Yards so Adolfo could tell them about the things he wished he’d done differently at their age.

With time, Adolfo learned how to pace his days. He started playing chess with a friend, who went by the nickname Rip, across the courtyard from his cell. He’d step up to a window the size of an air vent in the corner of his cell and signal his move with his hands. Rip would repeat the signal through his own window to confirm, then they’d both jump down and move the pieces on their respective boards. A single game could take up to seven hours. Rip was agonizingly slow. When they had a chance to meet in the courtyard for an hour one day, Adolfo asked him why he took so long to complete a move.

“I’m praying,” Rip explained.

Rip, who was also serving a life sentence, was a Muslim. One day, he brought a copy of the Koran to Adolfo. Adolfo found its teachings to be a revelation. “There was a peace to it, a unity, a patience,” he said. He started praying five times a day, and one night, after cleansing his entire body, he recited the Shahadah, the Islamic declaration of faith, alone in his cell. “There is no God but Allah,” he whispered. “Muhammad is his final messenger on earth.” He felt tranquility. 

But even with faith, Adolfo’s days in prison remained long and empty. The hope of getting out became his only lifeline. The legal climb was a slow crawl—even after Soung offered to help him get a new sentencing hearing, it was difficult for him to keep his spirits up. And then one day, unexpectedly, Adolfo fell in love.

It was Valentine’s Day in 2012, and he was making a routine call to his cousin in Chicago, who was getting a haircut at the time. Adolfo heard a woman’s voice in the background, and he asked if he could speak with her. When the woman came on the phone, Adolfo found her voice warm and open and strong. She didn’t ask him why he was in prison. She didn’t seem to judge him. Her name was Everlena McCoy, and they soon began speaking every day. They talked for hours about her life, her kids. He told her about his days, and his childhood, and how it was hard for him to trust anyone.

When Everlena visited him in prison, she nervously towed her three small children along with her. She was the most beautiful woman Adolfo had ever seen—tall and dark, with a big, toothy smile and brown eyes that narrowed when something didn’t wash with her. He got up the courage to propose on the anniversary of their first conversation. He had nothing to offer her, he said, getting onto his knee in the visitation area, except a lot of lonely nights. She didn’t care. “Yes!” she said. “Oh, my God, yes!”

When Adolfo was in court for his resentencing hearing, Everlena was there. Maybe he could offer her more after all. It no longer felt impossible that they’d be able to share a real life together.

6.

Adolfo’s hearing lasted from eleven in the morning until ten that night. His lawyers called nearly a dozen witnesses who’d known him in prison, each of whom testified about his reformed behavior. His entire life, people had said bad things about him—that he’d never amount to anything, that he was a murderer, a criminal. Prison guards had reiterated this, beating him down, sometimes physically. Now people were insisting that the opposite was true, that he was a person who mattered. In a strange way, it was like watching a eulogy being delivered at his own funeral.

Father Kelly was called to the stand.

“Do you remember your first interaction with Adolfo?” Soung asked him.

“I do, because it was a serious case. People were talking about it, but also [about] how young he was when he came in,” Kelly said, referring to the period when Adolfo was in juvenile detention. “I, you know, felt that, I felt his youth.”

Adolfo watched the judge’s body language closely during the trial. He felt like she hardly ever looked at him, and often seemed bored or annoyed with the defense’s witnesses. McKay, the prosecutor, would interrogate the witnesses during the cross-examination, which Adolfo found confusing. At times he felt like he’d woken up in 1993, and he was on trial for murder again.

Everlena anxiously watched everything unfold from her seat behind Adolfo, in the first row of the crowded courtroom. After the hearing concluded, all they could do was wait for the ruling. Days passed, then a week. It was excruciating. Everlena remembered how excited Adolfo had been before the hearing, how when he called her, he swooned over all the things they could do together if he got out. But neither of them felt like the hearing had gone well. The judge hadn’t seemed interested in the witnesses who’d praised Adolfo, and McKay had worked hard to prove that he’d pulled the trigger in the murders.  

Everlena McCoy

A few weeks later, everyone returned to court to hear Judge Petrone’s decision. When she began delivering it, she failed to notice that Adolfo wasn’t in the room. Soung interrupted her—Adolfo was in the bathroom and would be there in a moment, she said. When he arrived, Petrone started reading again from her 18-page ruling.

The judge had considered the factors brought before her—Adolfo’s age at the time of the crime, the circumstances of his childhood, his actions during incarceration—as required by the Miller ruling. “Defendant’s acts showed an aggression and callous disregard for human life far beyond his tender age of 14. This sentence is necessary to deter others,” she said. “It is necessary to protect the public from harm.”

Petrone resentenced Adolfo to life in prison, on all counts, without possibility of parole. It was a heavy blow to advocates’ efforts to apply Miller in a way that meaningfully changed the lives of people convicted of crimes as children. It wouldn’t be the last: In April 2021, the Supreme Court affirmed that judges are allowed to sentence minors to life without parole, so long as it is a discretionary sentence and not a mandatory one. The same month, an Alabama judge resentenced Evan Miller to life without parole.

After hearing Petrone’s decision, Adolfo dropped his head onto the defense table. Later, he sobbed in a corner near the courtroom where nobody could see him. The character witnesses, the media fever, his own transformation, and most of all his hope—what had it all been for?

7.

Soung promised Adolfo that her team wouldn’t stop fighting for him. She’d moved to California by then, so she passed his case to a new lawyer—an energetic public defender named Heidi Lambros, who urged Adolfo to appeal his resentencing. He was reluctant; being sentenced to life without parole a third time was almost too brutal to imagine. Then again, what choice did he have? To accept that he would die in prison? Everlena insisted that he keep pressing forward.

In December 2016, Lambros filed a 67-page brief with an appellate court, arguing that, at the resentencing hearing, Petrone had effectively discounted Adolfo’s youth at the time of the crime. “Not [only] did Judge Petrone ignore Miller’s constitutional imperative,” Lambros wrote, “she showed contempt for Miller, finding that its central precept—that adolescents have a ‘lack of maturity and an underdeveloped sense of responsibility, leading to recklessness, impulsivity, and heedless risk-taking’—was based on pure ‘speculation.’” Yet again, Adolfo waited for his case to inch its way through the justice system.

A few months later, Everlena was driving home from playing bingo when she got a call from Lambros. “The state’s attorney’s office is willing to make a deal,” the public defender said.

The same year Lambros filed the brief, Kimberly Foxx had been elected Illinois’s state attorney. A product of Cabrini-Green, one of Chicago’s public housing projects, Foxx had come into office determined to undo the consequences of the policies passed during the tough-on-crime era. While Foxx could not overturn Petrone’s decision, she could offer Adolfo a deal. What Lambros had called to tell Everlena was that Foxx had agreed to reduce Afoldo’s sentence to 60 years. Because of his good behavior, he would only need to serve 30—and that meant he could walk free in 2020.

Everlena was giddy. “Yes, yes, yes, you can accept that deal!” she told Lambros.

Everlena drove home and anxiously waited for her fiancé to call, which he usually did around 5 p.m. When he heard the news, Adolfo dropped the phone and started weeping. “Hello?” Everlena said. “Hello?” She thought he’d hung up on her.

After a long pause, Adolfo picked the phone back up. “I’m doing it, baby,” he said to her. “I’m finally getting out.” He said that he had to call her back, though—he didn’t want the other prisoners to see him crying.

Adolfo spent every day after that phone call preparing himself for—and fantasizing about—his release in 2020, which was then nearly three years away. He worked out every morning and dreamed of being able to walk freely outside, to stroll down city streets, feel the cool air blowing off Lake Michigan, see the seasons change. He imagined writing bestsellers; he would embark on book tours and sit on panels to tell people about the wrongs of the criminal justice system, how prison could break you if you let it. He wanted to sell his poetry as well as the artwork he’d painted behind bars. He wanted to transform the Back of the Yards, to show kids that there was another path. He wanted to buy a house. He wanted to feel what it was like to ride a bike again.

Just before Adolfo was released, Father Kelly called him with a warning. “You need to get counseling first, when you come out. You have these visions of how things are going to be, as though everything will fall into place,” Kelly said. “The outside world is not how you think it is.”

Adolfo Davis
Adolfo in April 2021

FREEDOM

1.

On March 21, 2020, Adolfo put on a black Nike track suit and a pair of Air Max sneakers. He packed up the only things he owned: a few family photos and a folder full of legal papers. Then he walked through the metal door leading out of Jacksonville Correctional Center in central Illinois. A lieutenant told him good luck after handing him a disposable face mask. “Thanks,” Adolfo muttered. He didn’t turn around.

There were piles of crusty snow on the earth, which in the distance was peppered with farms and factories. A vast white sky went on for miles. He hadn’t seen anything but a square of it, from the confines of a prison courtyard or a transport van, in three decades. He sucked in the cold air. Finally, he thought to himself. Finally!

Everlena was there to greet him. He held her hand, enjoying a strange sense of privacy as they walked, very slowly, away from the prison. Adolfo was terrified of going too fast—he worried that the warden would call him back, or shoot at him, if he moved too quickly. He felt paranoid that the whole thing was some sort of ploy, that he’d suddenly be returned to his cell, like that fellow prisoner he’d known years before who never made it out the front door.

His sister Traci was waiting in the visitors’ parking area. When he reached her, he pumped his fists toward the sky. She started clapping and crying. They pulled each other into a tight hug.

“Something is about to happen,” Adolfo said to nobody in particular as they drove away. “This can’t be real. Is this real?”

Everlena laughed. “It’s real,” she promised.

They had a nearly four-hour drive ahead of them, past alternating patches of auburn and white fields. Traci pulled into a gas station, where Adolfo picked out three different kinds of Gatorade, a Skor bar, and a Snickers. There were so many more candies and flavors than when he was a kid. If he’d had enough money, he would have bought everything on the shelf.

They drove around the edge of Springfield, the state capital, heading north. They scrolled past flat plains and exit signs with the symbols for gas stations, McDonald’s, and Subway. Eventually, Chicago’s skyline emerged. The city began to flood through the darkening car windows. Adolfo blinked. He thought he was dreaming: An advertisement on a billboard was suddenly alive, dancing and flashing colors. The streets, by contrast, were deserted.

Just one day earlier, Governor Jay B. Pritzker had announced that Illinois would be under complete lockdown for the time being. All nonessential businesses were shuttered overnight, and all parks, paths, and lakefront trails were closed. Adolfo had heard about COVID in prison, but he didn’t know what to believe. Now, driving through the city’s empty streets, the pandemic seemed very real. Still, Adolfo found it oddly comforting, like the city had been vacated for his arrival—like it was all his, for just a little while.

They exited Lake Shore Drive, entering the South Side. This was home. They turned west on 55th Street and drove past Washington Park, where Adolfo used to sell drugs. He stared at it. Someone had built a diving board over the public swimming pool, but everything else looked exactly the same.

That night, at Everlena’s house, Adolfo lay in bed, jumpy and exhausted all at once. He’d played the possibilities of what this day might be like over and over in his head. Now he stared at the ceiling, scared that if he fell asleep, he’d wake up back in prison. He turned onto one side, then the other; he fidgeted, trying to get comfortable. Finally, around dawn, he shut his eyes. The world dissolved from view.

2.

A lot about the world had changed over the previous 30 years. Cell phones were sleek and pocket-size, and they functioned like personal computers. Cars were fancier and glided all but noiselessly through Chicago’s streets. Politics seemed to be changing, too. America had elected a Black president—twice. Adolfo remembered the night of the 2008 election, how he had stared at Barack Obama’s face on a prison TV screen and thought, Maybe he will make a difference for us.

But the years went by, and prison stayed the same. Adolfo felt let down. He’d heard about the Black Lives Matter movement before his release, and he wondered whether it would make a difference. Would Black kids raised on the South Side of Chicago have a future to look forward to, something better than what he had?

When he got his license, Adolfo drove past his old haunts. He went alone, blasting the watery vibrato of jazz-gospel singer Tevin Campbell on the car’s speakers. Houses he remembered being lived in were boarded up or had shattered windows. Pipes were broken, and paint peeled from apartment buildings. Whole blocks that were once home to grocery stores and arcades were now entirely empty, their lots overgrown with weeds and littered with cigarette butts. Kids younger than 14 were out selling drugs, even during the pandemic.

A spot he kept returning to was the last apartment he’d lived in with his grandmother: a three-story brick building down the street from a corner store. A sign hung from it, geared toward investors who might want to purchase the property: “100% NO MONEY DOWN! NO CREDIT CHECK.

“It’s like in prison, you have to look strong, smile, and keep your back straight, but on the inside you’re dying,” Adolfo said. “That’s how I looked at that building. The foundation was still strong, but inside, the spirit was dead.”

At first, Adolfo didn’t believe Everlena when she told him that he couldn’t walk leisurely around the neighborhood. “When people don’t know you,” she explained, “you’re like a target. They’ll think you’re from a different place, a different gang. They’ll shoot you if they don’t know you.” She instructed him to hide the GD tattoo on his forearm. He covered it with a bandage whenever he went out, and waited for tattoo shops to reopen so he could get it removed. Sometimes he wondered if he’d been safer in prison.

Gun violence in Chicago was surging. By July 2020, more than 1,300 people had been shot and 320 killed. In one two-week span over the summer, nine children were murdered. Chicago’s mayor, Lori Lightfoot, declared that the city’s violence needed to be treated as a public health crisis. Activists said it wasn’t enough.

In July, ten blocks away from where Adolfo and Everlena lived, a car drove past a funeral procession for a deceased gang member, and shots were fired indiscriminately into the crowd of mourners. Fifteen people were hit, and all of them were hospitalized. Tamar Manasseh, who founded the anti-violence group Mothers Against Senseless Killings Chicago, said she’d requested that law enforcement increase nearby patrols ahead of the funeral. “I told the police they were going to shoot up the funeral, AND THEY JUST DID!!!” Manasseh posted on Facebook. “Please tell me how this happened AFTER the police had been notified that it would?”

Adolfo and Everlena talked about what it would be like to leave Chicago, to go somewhere safer than the South Side, where they could walk the streets without looking over their shoulders. The daughter Adolfo had never met, the one conceived early in his prison sentence, was now 24 and living in Las Vegas. Maybe he and Everlena could go there. They threw out other options over dinners: Iowa, Georgia, Missouri, maybe the suburbs, or a smaller town in Illinois—places where they could get a modest house and live a quiet life. But a nagging feeling kept Adolfo from making any real plans. He felt haunted by the lack of progress he saw, watching kids on street corners and hearing about friends of friends being shot.

“I spent thirty years depending on other people to help me live,” Adolfo told Everlena one day. “Now it’s time for me to give back.”

Father David Kelly and the Precious Blood Center

3.

The Precious Blood center is a tired-looking orange-brick building that spans half a city block. But when Adolfo started going there, it felt different than the surrounding neighborhood. Posters reading “Black Lives Matter” hung from the chain-link fence next to peace signs. A full-length basketball court was available at all hours for kids to practice. There was a peace garden—a labyrinth of stones neatly configured into a giant swirl—and a vegetable patch where volunteers grew tomatoes, zucchini, herbs, and carrots.

It felt like a sanctuary. But as Father Kelly liked to remind people, “It’s not a bubble at all.” There were no locked gates separating Precious Blood from the rest of the community, a decision intended to send a welcoming message: Come as you are. Gang members were not prohibited. “That’s the point. That’s who’s invited. That’s who it’s for,” Kelly said. “This would be a huge failure if it were an oasis that kept people out. The whole idea is to bring them in.”

Kelly had promised Adolfo a job at Precious Blood when he was released. What began as an internship became formal employment in May 2020. Adolfo spent most of his time figuring out how to log into Zoom seminars, where he shared his story with hundreds of strangers. “Sitting in prison, thinking about my life, I think, man, I was messed up,” he said during one panel with the Iowa-based Fountain of Youth, a community-building nonprofit. “How did I make it this far? God put me through all that to put me here right now. Yes, it hurt. That’s why I dedicate as much time as I can to show the young that, man, it’s gonna hurt. But they got people who genuinely care for them, who have their back.”

Sometimes kids who hung around Precious Blood would watch Adolfo speak. A teenager named Curtis Dixon even took notes when Adolfo starting talking about how nothing had changed since he was locked up. Curtis hadn’t realized how neglected their neighborhood had been, and for how long.

Everything about Curtis reminded Adolfo of his own story: Curtis was raised in the Back of the Yards by an overworked mom with four kids. He grew up not knowing who his father was. At home the power went on and off. There was no heat in the winter, no furniture to sit or sleep on, and food was sometimes scarce. They were evicted four times in four years. “We basically raised each other,” Curtis told Adolfo. 

When he was in third grade, Curtis started “going outside,” which meant hanging out with older kids. When he turned 14, he dropped out of school and began getting into arguments with his mom. When he was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant. Not long after, he left home. By the time Adolfo met Curtis, he’d moved into Precious Blood, where he was trying to turn his life around. He had dreams of one day owning a boxing gym. He spent his days running on a treadmill, lifting weights, and practicing his jabs. Curtis felt as if all the pent-up anger inside him came leaking out when he exercised, like air escaping an overfull tire.

Father Kelly monitored Adolfo closely, making sure he was taking care of himself. Once, Adolfo attended a three-day training program for what’s called Truth Circle, a restorative-justice practice adopted from Native American rituals and intended to promote healing and foster relationships within communities. (At Precious Blood, staff often employ the technique when bringing families together—for instance, when one family has had a loved one killed or injured by a member of another because of a gang rivalry.) The training took place in a darkened room, with soft music and candles. Adolfo joined a circle of about 15 people seated around a patchwork quilt that held various objects: shells, stuffed animals, a miniature cauldron. A woman named Pamela Purdie led the session. “Whenever people ask me what I do, I tell them that I create safe spaces,” she told the group. The training was designed to teach people exactly what that meant.

Purdie asked if Adolfo wanted to stand up and tell his story. Adolfo spoke quietly, like he wasn’t sure what the volume of his voice should be, how much was too much. He said he’d just gotten out of prison and that he wanted to help new generations of boys and girls on the South Side. “We have to teach them how to focus, how to be from here to here,” he said, raising his hand from a low position to a higher one. “We have to show how to return them to citizens and get they lives together.” The people in the circle around him offered silent nods.

Purdie asked the group to leave the room and, in private, to each draw a picture of the place where they felt safest in the world. Everyone disappeared, but Adolfo remained where he was, toying with his phone. When the group returned to the room, carrying drawings of beaches and forests and homes, Adolfo was asked to share first. He held up his name tag.

“My safe space is me—Adolfo,” he said, pointing to his heart. It was something he’d learned in prison: The only security and comfort he had was himself.

4.

Adolfo didn’t know where to concentrate his energy. He moved restlessly from one kid in need to another, one crisis to the next. It felt like every day, he heard about a new shooting, sometimes within a short distance of Precious Blood. The pandemic torpedoed the above-board economy the neighborhood still had; small businesses were constantly going under, and more people than ever were out of jobs.

After George Floyd was murdered, Adolfo helped pick up broken glass in the neighborhood. He couldn’t grasp why everyone seemed so focused on one man’s death when people were dying violently every single day. He felt like some of the deepest problems in Black neighborhoods were ignored. He wasn’t convinced politicians were the answer to making a difference. The real work had to come from within communities. “If we don’t do it for ourselves,” he said, “nobody else is gonna do it for us.”

One day, Adolfo had an idea. He wanted to organize a bike ride through Back of the Yards. He would call it Pedal for Peace. He hoped that it would be the start of a movement in the neighborhood to bring an end to gun violence. He brought it up with his colleagues at Precious Blood, and everyone was enthusiastic. Together, they mapped out a six-mile route through the neighborhood and set a date in September. Adolfo designed T-shirts that read “Pedal for Peace,” and a local bicycle shop donated a few dozen used bikes and helmets.

On the morning of the march, Adolfo awoke early, picked up Everlena’s eight-year-old niece, Niya, and brought her to the basketball court at Precious Blood. She’d never learned how to ride a bike, so Adolfo spent an hour trying to teach her. Niya pedaled for a second and then fell, repeatedly, until it was decided that she’d ride in the Precious Blood van, which would be at the front of the procession.

Niya was annoyed. “Why are no girls riding?” she asked Adolfo, her face framed by long braids. The court was starting to fill up with mostly young boys from the neighborhood, many of them not much older than her. They rode in restless circles, doing tricks with their bikes. “Do we have more boys than girls in the world?” Niya continued.

Frances, a black terrier owned by a member of the Precious Blood community, had trotted over to Adolfo by then. Francessss, Adolfo cooed, opening his palm to reveal some of the dog treats he always kept in one of his pockets. He scratched the dog’s side.

“This is what I was made to be doing. This is it.

The event’s scale didn’t resemble the high-profile racial-justice protests that took place over the summer: Around 50 people showed up. Adolfo recognized nearly every face from the neighborhood. A lone police officer arrived in a squad car to lead the group, and kids on bikes started pulling away from Precious Blood. The facility’s van followed, bearing hand-painted signs that read “Spread the Love,” “Black Lives Matter,” and “Pedaling for Peace.” The siren of the squad car echoed through the still streets, and people came out onto their porches to see what was happening. A few cars honked in support as the group crawled forward. Younger boys riding their bikes with no hands urged the police officer to speed up. They were having fun.

Adolfo alternated between the front and back of the procession. It went down 51st Street, jolting some neighbors awake with cheering, cut through a corner of the 60 acres that make up Sherman Park, and looped back to Precious Blood. By then Adolfo was sweaty and glowing. “This is what I was made to be doing,” he told his friend Joe Joe, bumping his chest with his hand. “This is it.

5.

The exhilaration wore off quickly. Life on the outside was harder than Adolfo anticipated, and unexpected things pulled him down. Bills kept flooding in; his weekly paycheck seemed to empty into a black hole of rent, groceries, internet, and electricity. He tried to start his own business selling books of his poetry and T-shirts printed with his paintings, but he only sold a few. COVID made it hard to see his friends and family. Under the pandemic lockdown, unable to visit loved ones, Adolfo sometimes felt like he was still a prisoner.

Anytime someone asked how he was doing, he’d nod his head, which was often shaded by a slightly askew baseball cap. He was “cool” or “good,” he said. He seldom let on how he was really feeling, even to Everlena. The bike ride had been a high point—it made him feel like he could marshal the goodness and energy necessary to help his neighborhood. But afterward nothing seemed to change, and the number of shootings in Chicago increased one by one.

Adolfo and Everlena had hoped to buy the house they were living in, but with his low credit score and her out of work because of COVID and a 2018 brain aneurysm, it didn’t seem possible. Adolfo began looking for a second job, and he got one with Amazon, packing boxes from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m., three nights a week. The work wore him down, until he could barely function. He had to quit. A few months later, he took a job as a night-shift security guard. Still, he felt like it got harder to save money, not easier.

Everlena worried about him. When she tried to guide him through something that had passed him by when he was in prison—for example, how to know which emails and phone calls were spam—he sometimes snapped at her. When she gave him driving directions, he occasionally did the opposite of what she said, just because. He seemed to never sleep, to never stop moving. At a barbecue he hosted in their backyard, Adolfo disappeared just as it was getting started. He’d run out to wash his car, or his stepdaughter’s car, or maybe to the grocery store. Nobody knew for sure. An hour later he returned, just as abruptly as he’d left. “What are you doing?” Everlena asked him.

“Washing the car,” he shrugged.

“Why?” she asked, laughing.

“He treats me like I’m his warden,” she explained to a friend at the party. “He’s been in there since he was 14. He still has that mentality that he’s locked up and I’m trying to be his warden. It makes me want to say, ‘Well, just mess up all you want.’”

Adolfo started using his Facebook page to express himself. Often this took the form of video confessionals as he drove, his phone recording his face from beneath the steering wheel as he mouthed the lyrics to songs or talked about his childhood. One day, instead of sharing a video, he wrote:

I love what I do. But inside I am still dealing with a lot…My life has been a journey I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I am still trying to figure out reality from dreams. I am tired but I have to push through it. I have no choice because I have to pay bills. I never had the opportunity to just enjoy life. My life has been an ongoing struggle and fight just to exist. But nothing has changed. I just want to not have to fight to exist anymore and not have to be the strong one all the time. I’m tired.

More than 50 people responded, sending virtual hugs and words of encouragement. One commenter quoted Angela Davis: “Freedom is a constant struggle.” Another wrote, “God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.” Friends who’d been incarcerated warned him of the “adjustment period” and the “ill affects of the cell.” He needed to be patient.

Father Kelly noticed how thin Adolfo was stretched—he’d go from running errands for family members, to giving kids at Precious Blood a ride to wherever they needed to go, to delivering clothes to a homeless shelter every day after work. It was as if Adolfo was afraid that the only way to make his life work, for everything to come together and make sense, was to keep his foot on the accelerator. “It’s OK to say no sometimes,” Kelly told him one day. “You have a 14-year-old’s vision of how things were going to be, as though everything was just going to fall into place. But if you want to do this work, it’s not a sprint. You need to be asking: How many days am I going to be able to do this?”

Adolfo nodded. He knew he needed to slow down, he just wasn’t sure how. He worried, too, that it might keep him from becoming the role model he wanted to be. Telling his story didn’t feel like enough. Just being there didn’t, either. What if slowing down meant helping fewer kids than he wanted to help, or none at all?

6.

To clear his head, Adolfo took long bike rides out by Lake Michigan. One day, he invited Curtis Dixon to come with him. It wasn’t long after Curtis’s 18th birthday, which had taken him by surprise—he never thought he would live to be an adult. Now that he was one, he didn’t have a clue what came next.

Adolfo picked Curtis up in the morning, treating him to a McGriddle sandwich and orange juice from McDonald’s. Then they coasted out of the neighborhood, heading northeast, toward a part of Chicago Curtis had only ever seen a few times in his life. He’d never realized how easy it was to leave the streets he knew, how limitless the city could suddenly feel. After about 30 minutes of pedaling, Lake Michigan extended out to the horizon, a lapping green sea buoying sailboats like they were toys. Heavy spring rains had caused water from the lake to spill onto the bike path. “It’s slippery!” Adolfo called over his shoulder to Curtis. “Be careful!”

“I got this!” Curtis shouted back, holding his phone with one hand, filming the lake, and the handlebars with the other.

Just then his front tire skidded out from under him. The entire left side of his body was wet and covered in dirt. Blood dribbled down his elbow. Adolfo stopped and came running back to help. Curtis brushed the fall off, and before long they were riding again. They pedaled past a bank of yachts, deposited in a marina that was off-limits to the public.

“Hey, how much you think one of these cost?” Curtis asked Adolfo, slowing to examine the boats.

“These yachts cost over a million dollars,” Adolfo said, speeding up. “Maybe five million!”

When they got closer to downtown, Adolfo thought of all the times he’d come here as a kid, stealing money or shining shoes so he would have enough cash to eat. This part of the city looked different than he remembered it, fancier and more modern—a result of the hundreds of millions the city had spent reconstructing its lakefront for North Side residents and tourists.

In Millennium Park, home to the modern pavilion at the center of the downtown facelift, Adolfo led Curtis toward the Bean, the famous 110-ton stainless-steel mirror shaped like a massive legume. They stared, as if in a fun-house attraction, at dozens of versions of themselves—some close, some far away. They stood in silence, watching each other’s distorted bodies and the cityscape behind them.

As the afternoon sky mellowed into early evening, they hopped on the South Shoreline train to go home. With Adolfo in the lead, they boarded in the wrong direction. Realizing their mistake, they switched trains. Adolfo stood at the window. He pulled out his iPhone to record the city as it passed, blurry behind the grime on the window. Curtis stretched comfortably in his seat, watching Adolfo film the world with childlike joy.

The train rocked through the city, and the skyscrapers became smaller and smaller, until they were just receding specks in the distance. Finally, the South Side greeted them, looking the same as it had earlier that morning—and, to Adolfo, almost exactly how he remembered it as a teenager, back before he spent 30 years imagining how things might be different if he ever managed to return home. What had changed was his reflection in the window.

The train pulled into the 51st Street station. The doors opened and, side by side, the two men stepped forward.


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